Work Text:
Comfort
The police had left, taking the ruined jacket with them, Jens was standing discreetly his back towards them, he could at last put his hands around Tolkki and hold him like there was no tomorrow.
Kiss
And how insane is that, that the only time Timo Tolkki has ever kissed a man in public, the recipient was not him but Jens, and that he only did it to hurt them both?
Soft
He didn't have an apartment in Helsinki, and therefore didn't have necessary clothing for the unexpected sub-zero temperatures in October, but it didn't matter, Tolkki gave him a scarf which still smelled of his aftershave when it kept him warm in the drafty old train on his way back to Pohjanmaa a week later.
Pain
This time he'd bitten more than he could chew with his usual before-gig pastime, and now his muscles were killing him and although Tolkki held little sympathy for him, he had time; "Come here you sports-enthusiast idiot, I'll give you a massage."
Potatoes
Weeks and weeks on the road you would think they'd had it with each others faces, but they had this sort of a ritual to go out to dinner the next day or so after getting back, and they'd always order traditional Finnish food.
Rain
Tolkki was exhausted, had fallen asleep head in his lap on his living room sofa while he was listening the soft rhythm tapping the window, and it was then he got the idea to 'Dream With Me'.
Chocolate
Tolkki had baked a spider web cake for his daughters birthday and it drove him insane to see the man lick the glazing from his spoon, made him remember one time in Belgium, sharing a local delicacy a fan club member had brought them.
Happiness
After the blackout, he was afraid they wouldn't get out of there alive, but followed Tolkki to the stage anyway, and it turned out even the insanest crowd could be quiet given the right initiative, like a candle light, Tolkki playing acoustic guitar and him singing, arranging the songs on the fly to octaves lower than usual, to carry further.
Telephone
He listened the man trying to talk to his wife halfway across globe with a shitty reception and tried to feel bad about himself for being the one sharing his bed, but couldn't, and anyway those two were on their way to divorce as it was.
Ears
Little children hear everything, right, and they repeat the stuff they hear in front of just about anybody, so he and Tolkki are really careful around kids, especially since they have used their 'get out of jail free' -card already; it puzzled a group of people to no end what a two-year-old could mean with 'men can't have kids', a recap of 'I'm so glad we can't have kids', by Tolkki, tired of looking after said two-year-old.
Name
He rarely called Tolkki by his first name outside bed, so over halfway to the gig: "And on the guitar, Timo!", sounding a bit breathless by then, although didn't made the man miss a note, it got him a look so full of heat he felt it on his skin.
Sensual
Inconspicuous shower oil, breath mints, butter-soft black silk scarf that he could wear loosely once around his neck, or a few more times around his wrist, flavoured vodka, ice, a lot of things you could bring to bed for pleasure but that don't raise any questions in airport security, by hotel cleaning lady, or by the members of Sonata Arctica when they come to party to your room.
Death
Tolkki told him about his father, also about that last day, something he hadn't ever spoken about with his ex-wife.
Sex
"I want you", Tolkki whispered to his ear, when he was just about to start recording, and he got mad as hell at the man for teasing him, until he heard what they got on tape.
Touch
The strength, the agility, the calloused pads, Tolkki was a guitarist and his fingers told the story.
Weakness
There might be a lot of things Tolkki didn't tolerate in others, but he had a whole different set of rules for himself, the first being 'never ever break down', practically carved in stone and it killed him to see what the man did to himself because of that.
Tears
When he sang a Strato song on stage for the first time after the whole mess, a girl in the front row was crying, it was one of those strange moments when he realised that there were still people, people who he didn't even know existed, that cared about him, about the band, and who would never know how much it meant to him to be able to sing those songs again.
Speed
Neither of them was a car- or a motorcycle-person, they got their kicks from downhill skiing, it made you just as breathless and exited, and it came with the bonus of a spiked hot chocolate afterwards.
Wind
It was ridiculous how the director of the video wanted his hair, they were *not* making a shampoo commercial, but his viewpoints fell to def ears and honestly, he was mostly bitching because he could see Tolkki wanted to, and knew the man would feel better if it were done for him.
Freedom
After Bodom gig he saw Alexi clinging to Janne and licking his sweaty neck, he remembered times long gone, when he had fervently wished he could do stuff like that, he hoped those two realized how fortunate they were.
Life
He was drunk, Tolkki was drunk, hell, everybody was drunk, he had been having these feelings, wants, gotten hard at inappropriate times long enough, and it was just so typical that he would get a great idea that just couldn't wait till morning, so he got Tolkki alone, pushed him against a wall and kissed him hard.
Jealousy
He knew it was stupidest time ever to feel like that, but damn it, the ex-wife got all the sympathy and understanding, when he had been the actual spouse for god knows how many years and he wished so bad that he could just stop pretending he wasn't feeling like wounded animal.
Hands
After the dust has settled, when they are talking again and he is back with the band, he thinks back and notices that not once did he hope that it had been Tolkki instead of him who had that close encounter with a burning magnesium, even though the skin still feels tight and hurts sometimes; he is not the one who plays guitar.
Taste
On the road, Jens practised selective blindness, Jörg wouldn't probably be fazed by anything, but Kainu was fucking clueless, that bassist, wondering if they were too picky with women, cause 'neither of them ever got any action'.
Devotion
The music comes first for both of them, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Forever
Years later, after so many friendships had crashed and burned, the band was still going strong and he realised, that whatever had happened, whatever will happened, the music, the music they made together, will be for forever.
Blood
He loved to be on the stage, he loved the way he felt the music in his body, the energy that flowed between the band and the audience, it was always exhilarating, and he was half-hard by the end of a good gig, and Tolkki joked about it to him, that there was a Kotipelto-scale; to measure how well gig went, check the singers' pants.
Sickness
He knew long before anyone else, at first he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong, but it didn't take him long to see that the way Tolkki' moods shifted could not be healthy.
Melody
Back then, when Tolkki first gave him Black Diamond, it was funny how differently they interpreted it, but now it was just another way to hurt him.
Star
He had never seen sky so black, so many constellations as at the erämaajärvi [lake in the wilderness] cabin where they were so far from everything that they found the courage to say 'love' for the very first time.
Home
They never lived together, and it was only when all hell broke loose, that he could be glad about already having his own place, where he could close the world outside and fall apart in private.
Confusion
Jörg was the only one of the band who was comfortable in gay bars, he always said that as long as you ignored the music and stayed away from poorly lit spaces, you could have nice drink or a ten in peace.
Fear
At first he had been apprehensions about it, but they had healed well and he had found out just how *good* it felt to have them licked, his only problem was, that he couldn't take his shirt of on the stage because Tolkki would look at them and that was enough to make them hard and, boy, wouldn't that be embarrassing.
Lightning/Thunder
Titus was a scary guy, he saw what was between them the first time he saw them together.
Bonds
Their friends were getting married and having children and buying houses, they shared their life and love without generally acceptable signs of commitment, and maybe that played a part in their eventual destruction, maybe not, he still knew that what they'd had was just as real.
Market
Who was Tolkki to speak, at least he had been open about it from the beginning, although, Phil Collins cover for a Disney film could hardly be mistaken for a fulfilment of an artistic ambition, still, it hurt more coming from him than it would from *anyone* else.
Technology
Tolkki was a regular gadget geek, where as his interest was limited to sound equipment, so he pretended it was just to indulge Tolkki that he let man buy him a state-of-the-art cell phone.
Gift
So maybe Tolkki had an ego, but still he had mixed feelings about that 'him and Kainu getting somewhat religious after a few cold ones' -joke.
Smile
Tolkki was loud with his opinions, with his music, not with his body language; a tiny twist of his lips equalled someone else' laugh, a rise of an eyebrow an excalmated question, so to wake up in the man's arms, the honest-to-god look of happiness on his face was a perfect start to a day.
Innocence
San Sebastian had been something else, first time they pulled the gig of running on pure adrenaline, and afterwards, when he was still shaking from the after-effects of it, three seconds from coming, a half-formed thought passed by his blissed-out brain; when had the surreality of their lives turned from an unreal feeling to a fuel for sex?
Completion
They didn't have that odd 'not knowing where you end and where the other one begins' -thing going on, they just kind of fitted themselves around each other, and once he thought to himself, 'I know the shape of his soul'.
Clouds
Coldness was his heart, his soul and painfully personal, but it was cleansing, an exorcism, and many stones on the path to healing, too.
Sky
They were at the top of the world and it felt like only the sky was the limit to what they could achieve, together.
Heaven
Every 'I love you', rare and full of meaning.
Hell
His parents would never know he was in a relationship, in love with someone, years worth of happiness he couldn't share with them.
Sun
Everything was different in South America, the heat like a hot blanket, the light burned colours out of everything, and the people, god the people were fanatic, and everywhere; outside of their hotel room anything besides meaningful glances were not a risk worth taking.
Moon
They wrote different kind of lyrics, but even without having spoken about them, a lot of times they used similar themes, and by Destiny they were seamless.
Waves
In Sao Paulo, in a room of a beach-side hotel, slow, languid, almost lazy, the rhythm of their lovemaking was like that of the ocean, and like ocean there was unyielding strength in that body rocking above him, Tolkki was torturing him, moving in him with such deliberate thrusts, keeping him right there on the edge, until it was just too much and he was coming and coming and an exhale of breathless laughter by his neck stirred his hair, cooled the sweat on his skin, made him shiver a little and Tolkki stayed still, whispered; "I'm going to fuck you like this until you come again," that made him shiver a lot.
Hair
The guys would tease him mercilessly for getting the extensions for tour, but he couldn't care less when Tolkki buried his hands in his hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss.
Supernova
They were in Spain, they were actually having a day off, and it was warm and sunny and after a few beers by the hotel pool, they retreated to their room and pretending not to be nervous they made out on the bed, slowly got of their clothes off and finally, finally Tolkki was making love to him and it was *so* good he saw stars exploding behind his closed eyelids.