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Luffy had very flexible feet.
Now that wasn't usually the first thing that came to mind whenever Zoro thought of his captain. In fact he'd never really thought about it before. Why should he when Luffy had so many more flexible and undoubtedly more useful assets like his tongue, his fingers, his co- COUGH.
Moving on.
Anyway, Zoro had never been particularly keen on feet. He didn't have a fetish and he'd never found them to be notably appealing. Especially not his captain's with their big toes and flat soles clad in those run down sandals that Luffy refused to switch for much more practical boots for reasons that only the rubber man knew.
No, Zoro didn't like feet. Not at all. In fact, he disliked feet so much right now that it bordered on downright hatred.
“Luffy”, he hissed as to not draw anyone else's attention - which wasn't too hard considering the calamity that was a Straw Hat Pirates' dinner. “Knock it off.”
Luffy looked up with a look of pure innocence – the bastard -, stuffing his face at a pace quite contrary to the slow grind of his bare heel against Zoro's crotch. “Hmpf?”
The swordsman forced down a visible shudder when Luffy's foot dragged against him with just the right amount of pressure, toes curling around what had to be a visible bulge by now. Shit.
Zoro took a deep breath. “Not here”, he growled as quietly as possible, inconspicuously jerking his head in the general direction of their nakama. Zoro might have had a kink or two himself, but other people watching him when he was horny was definitely not on that list. And not just anyone but Usopp and Chopper? Hell no.
Luffy cocked his head. “Whaffa maffer wi- MMPF!”
“Don't speak with your mouth full, shit head!”, the cook butted into their conversation with a well-placed kick to Luffy's head that jostled his whole body... and made his foot push down on Zoro's crotch.
Swallowing a less than manly whimper at the unwanted – damn that hurt – pressure Zoro contemplated reaching down and just yanking the foot away, but quickly discarded the thought. He knew from personal experience that his stubborn captain wasn't above causing a scuffle over something like this and that would surely alert the rest of their nosy crew that something was going on. He'd rather die.
“Stop it, Luffy. I mean it.”
The captain just blinked at him and pressed his foot further down against Zoro's balls. The swordsman growled quietly, trying to keep his voice down even as he felt his face reddening slightly. His already half-hard cock stirred even further when Luffy wiggled his toes against the sensitive skin. Zoro hissed.
“Seriously, Luffy. This isn't funny”, he tried the serious approach that went just as ignored as his other attempts as Luffy stretched his leg even more so that he could mold the whole of his foot against Zoro's length and grind.
The swordsman's teeth clamped down on his lower lip, eyes squeezing shut for a moment before glaring straight at his captain who looked unimpressed as ever.
“Stop that!”, he snapped, patience finally dwindling.
“What?”, the captain asked, not even bothering to lower his voice, cocking his head in fake cluelessness.
“You know very well what”, Zoro snarled, gripping his fork so hard that it started to bend. “Knock it off!”
“What's wrong, you guys?” The voice of their doctor was like a bucket of ice over Zoro's head. Great, he'd gotten too loud.
“Nothing, Chopper”, Luffy answered the reindeer with his signature grin. “Zoro's just being stupid.”
The swordsman had just opened his mouth to give his captain a piece of his 'stupidity' when Luffy's foot suddenly twisted to give a particularly delicious grind against him, causing his teeth to clank painfully against each other in his effort to hold back an embarrassing noise.
Now Usopp was looking at him quizzically, too. “Hey, you okay, Zoro? You're all red.”
No shit. The swordsman fought the urge to kill someone – preferably his idiot captain but the sniper would do too – long enough to grunt out an answer. “M'fine.”
Sanji snorted at the obvious lie. “What's the matter, marimo? Finally lost your last brain ce- ummpf!”
Zoro looked over to see Sanji jolt in his seat, eyes wide, before the cook's head snapped around to stare in disbelief at their captain who was still eating his dinner with an aura of cheerful innocence. Zoro grinned. Oh yes, revenge was sweet.
“'Ummpf'? What's an ummpf, shit cook?”
Sanji turned back towards him with a brief look of understanding that quickly gave way to anger. “Shut up, moss head!”
“Don't tell me what to- Fuck!” Zoro broke himself off with a curse when Luffy's foot pressed against him warningly. Judging by the cook's gasp he had gotten the same treatment.
Usopp looked between the two. “Seriously, what's up with you today? You're acting kinda weird.”
“N-nothing”, Sanji said almost calmly if not for the slight stutter. He was more focused on trying to ignore Luffy's foot kneading his slowly hardening cock in tantalizing circles that would be impossible for a person with normal ankles. Damn that rubber bastard.
Usopp gave him a strange look before apparently deciding to let it slide and continue his meal before Luffy cleared all the plates.
Sanji sighed in relief before tensing up as Luffy's foot slid along the inside of his upper thigh. Damn it. The captain knew he was sensitive there.
Deciding not to give Luffy the satisfaction of knowing what he was doing to Sanji the cook bit his tongue and continued his meal in silence. From under his bangs he saw Luffy furrow his brow, none too pleased with the lack of reaction. Then he smiled cheekily.
Sanji swallowed heavily at his captain's look, dread making his stomach flutter. What the hell was that bastard up t-
“Oh.”
Nami looked up from her meal when Sanji's fork suddenly clattered onto his plate, blinking in confusion at the blank look on his face. “What's wrong, Sanji-kun?”
The cook jolted in his seat, wincing immediately afterwards with another soft gasp. “N-nothing, N-nami-swan...”
Nami frowned. “What's with that face? Are you feeling sick?”
Robin chuckled knowingly as she raised her cup to her lips. “I don't think that is the case, Nami-chan.”
The red head eyed her quizzically when the older woman rose from her seat to take her coffee to the aquarium for more privacy. “Can someone please explain what's going on here? And you two, stop squirming around for God's sake, you're acting like- Oh.” Realization spread on Nami's face almost as fast as the furious blush as she looked from Sanji to Luffy to Zoro to Sanji again. “Oh my God! Ewww!” She jumped up from the table, grabbing Chopper and Usopp by an arm each and pulling them with her. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”, she snapped back over her shoulder with a glare that promised death as soon as this was over. “C'mon Chopper!”
“Huh? What's wrong?”, Chopper asked innocently, but Usopp - who by now had apparently drawn the same conclusions as the navigator had - quickly ushered him from the room with a beat red face and a halfhearted excuse.
“Err... you see, Chopper, they're trying a new method of meditation that makes them reach the same invincible state of mind as the great Captain Usopp...”
The rest of his lie was cut off by the galley door slamming shut. Both Sanji and Zoro were immediately out of their seats, glaring daggers at their captain who was still busy stuffing his mouth with whatever the others had left on their plates.
“What the hell is your problem?” - “How dare you, in front of Nami-san?!”, they shouted at the same time, making Luffy look up at them, unfazed.
“I was bored”, he said with the audacity to actually sound innocent. “And it's fun.”
“THAT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL YOU SHITTY RUBBER BASTARD!”, Sanji yelled at the top of his lungs, kicking Luffy in the head only to fall on his knees in depression a second later. “How... how can I ever look Nami-swan or Robin-chan in the eye after this?”
Ignoring Sanji's melodramatic mourning Zoro glared at his captain. “I swear to God, Luffy, if you ever pull shit like that again I'm gonna fucking- fuck!”
He's let his guard down in his rage, but that didn't stop him from being extremely angry at himself for not seeing it coming when Luffy's arm suddenly stretched towards him to pull him over the table, sending several of Sanji's empty dishes flying. The cook soared to his feet, face absolutely livid.
“What the fuck are you doing, you shitty-” was all he got out before Luffy's other arm wrapped several times around his waist to haul him over to the captain's other side.
A fist and polished shoe hit Luffy's head separately as soon as he started laughing like a maniac.
“STOP DOING THAT, ASSHOLE!”
Luffy shook his head as his laughter piped down to quiet chuckles. “But you needed to get over here and you're slow!”
“Who's slow you little-”
“And why the hell would we need to-”
They both broke off mid-sentence with a yelp as they were toppled backwards over the bench they'd just sat on, landing hard on their backs.
“OI-”
Before they could get back up or even properly protest a foot came down on each of their groins, silencing them with a firm squeeze.
“I still want to see you come”, Luffy stated bluntly, starting up a teasing grind of the balls of his feet against still pulled-tight fabric. He relished in the moans his actions provoked, wiggling his toes against the growing patches of dampness he felt.
“Luffy”, Zoro grunted. “You can't be seri- uhn...”
The captain grinned, picking up his pace and watching the way Zoro's head 'thunk'ed back against the wooden floor, how Sanji's hips twitched up into Luffy's rhythm on their own accord.
“You fucking...”, Sanji panted, grabbing Luffy's ankle for leverage as he started thrusting against the sole of his captain's foot, embarrassment temporarily forgotten. “Fucking shithead...”
Luffy giggled in glee when Zoro followed the cook's example and rewarded them by twisting his toes, prompting twin moans from his nakama. “See? It's fun!”
“And you couldn't have-” Zoro cut himself off with a groan when Luffy started grinding back against his thrusts. “Couldn't have waited until we were alone, for fuck's sake?”
Luffy shrugged, interestedly watching the growing tension in Sanji's shoulders as his orgasm approached. “No.”
“Ah”, Sanji gasped, hands tightening his hold on Luffy as his hips picked up speed. “Luffy!”
“Come, Sanji.”
And he did, tensing as he thrust once, twice, three times before he stilled, panting through the aftershocks. “Fuck...”
He vaguely noticed the swordsman next to him grunting out Luffy's name before he too went still, the only sound in the room being their uneven breaths and Luffy's cheerful humming.
“Well, that was fun”, Luffy said with a huge grin as he pulled his feet from their hands and stood, stretching. “I'll go find Usopp, see ya!”
And with that he was off, leaving Sanji and Zoro lying on the ground and contemplating their life choices.
“Can't believe I just came in my pants”, Sanji mumbled as he fumbled a cigaret and his lighter out of his pockets and lit up with shaking hands. “I'm a fucking adult for fuck's sake.”
“That's Luffy for you”, Zoro shrugged as he sat up, having long since gotten used to his captain's antics, though he was still mad about the whole dinner table thing. He'd have to set Luffy straight the next time he saw him. Though perhaps there wouldn't be much talking involved, after all Luffy hadn't gotten off just now and Zoro was under no illusion that it was only a matter of time before the captain took his fill.
He looked over when Sanji suddenly let out a whimper, finding himself face to face with a picture of utmost despair. "Nami-swan... Robin-chwan..."
Zoro sighed heavily, shook his head and stood, stretching the sore muscles of his back – floor sex was nice and all but goddamn – before he walked out of the galley, leaving the cook to smoke in his not-so-silent misery.
Crisis management could come later. For now he needed a nap.