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Minho was having a bad day. It wasn’t the kind of day that could be classified as a disaster- but it certainly had been no picnic for him. It was the kind of day where everyone else had come to their work- and his schedules- in bad moods bringing down the atmosphere quicker than a lead balloon and leaving everybody in their path moody and testy. He had tried his best to remain cheerful and encouraging to those around him but a day full of those people had him on edge. Now he was fighting a resentful mood and was drained from his effort to be the positive energy in the room.
Punching his code into the keypad he pushed through the door and dropped his bag and jacket in a heap. He toed into the worn pair of slippers that waited for him and noted another by their side. Great, Jinki-hyung was still filming and probably wouldn’t be home again tonight- at least not until quite late. It would be another night of solitary eating, gaming, and sleeping then for him. He trudged into the dorm flipping on some lights as he went and made a beeline for the shower in the hopes that the scald of the water would slough off some of this weariness and melancholy he was descending into.
Coming out of his shower a short while later he didn’t quite feel like a new man but at least the pajama bottoms he picked were soft and warm and the waffle-weave thermal top hugged him securely. What he wouldn’t give for the firm hug of someone soft and warm right about now he thought, morosely giving into the downswing of his emotions and a little bit of the loneliness that crept in on him when he was feeling down. He dragged the towel through his damp locks and rubbed the moisture from them vigorously. The loud growl from his stomach was unmistakable and reminded him with sudden hunger pangs that he should eat something. He grudgingly gave into the idea and tossing the towel in the direction of the basket in the corner he decided to see what leftovers might be still in the fridge- after the midnight rummage he’d found Jinki on last night he doubted there would be much of anything left. So that meant take-out, again.
The soft scrape of his slippers on the hardwood floor echoed impossibly loudly in the empty dorm reminding him in yet another way he was alone. Minho used to think he wanted the silence of quiet living but now he missed his members who had grown up, moved out, and left him behind. In their absence he realized just how much space they took up and just how much comfortable background noise they provided as they each went about their routines, and he missed that as much as he missed their companionship.
Minho caught himself out of his daydream and stopped short at the edge of the living room- missing them or not he didn’t think that it was possible to simply conger one of his members into being- but there before him was none other but Kibum where he was sure he hadn’t been before.
Settled cozily into a mass of pillows that seemed to be stolen from the otherwise nearly empty bedrooms Kibum was sitting in his living room. His glasses were perched on his nose, a steaming coffee he could smell from across the room on the nearby side table, and a book cracked open to the reader who hovered over it eagerly. Minho blinked hard and tried to clear the surprise from his mind. Whatever brought Kibum here he didn’t care, it only mattered that he was here now- he really needed to be with someone now and not be on his own. Stealing Kibum’s companionship for the evening would cure all his ills.
He padded across the room quickly and sunk into the well-worn cushions of the couch, situating himself right next to Kibum, close enough to feel the familiar warmth of his body before another blink of time passed.
“Oh hi!” Kibum greeted, looking up from his book with a soft smile. “I wasn’t sure who was home right now so I just made myself comfortable.”
“It’s fine. I’m glad you came.” He replied steadily and carefully, not wanting his churning emotions to begin spilling over. All he wanted was a little contact, a little recharge of positive energy to steady his mind. Being with someone he loved would surely allow him to unwind and forget about this terrible day.
Minho looped his arm under Kibum’s and gathered up the hand closest to him, grasping it in his own and Kibum’s smile only got brighter. The simple gesture was unquestioned by either of them and natural- expected- actually, on some level as something that had happened dozens of times before and would occur dozens of times after- but now there was an air between them as they looked at each other that said something was off and he knew that Kibum could feel it, he knew the man sitting next to him knew something was up. He never could keep much from Kibum.
Minho leaned his head back onto the couch behind him and closed his eyes. He could feel Kibum still looking at him, appraising, but he wasn’t ready to do any actual talking just yet so he gently squeezed his hand, a silent ‘it’s okay, I’m okay’ between them and after a moment he could hear Kibum return to his reading. Kibum would bide his time and be patient. He didn’t look like the type to be patient but Minho knew the other had an amazing talent for outlasting all others and waiting for something he truly wanted. Kibum would be patient for him.
They sat that way for a long time in near silence and perfect companionship. Minho could hear the sound of Kibum’s breathing, the steady inhale and exhale focusing him and somehow metering his own breaths to match, it slowed down the whir in his mind and brought a pleasant warmth around the edges. Being with Kibum was a healing balm even if it was selfish of him to be taking comfort from him without a word. He could hear the pages of Kibum’s book as well and he counted as the edges were fingered at before being swiped upward and over fluttering neatly into line in the opposite stack. Nine pages in Kibum spoke.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Nope.”
Kibum didn’t push the question but simply shifted their hands and laced their fingers together, drawing Minho’s hand onto his lap. The shift was a strain on his arm and soon he found himself slouching into Kibum’s side to make himself more comfortable. He grumbled under his breath but still laid his head on Kibum’s shoulder.
“It’s about time” Kibum quipped flatly. He didn’t move an inch but let Minho come to him bit by bit and take as much comfort as he would allow himself. Kibum knew him well.
“Hush,” Minho ordered. He didn’t open his eyes, he didn’t need to in order to feel Kibum’s smile.
“Are you going to tell me about it later?” The worry in his tone would be undetectable to anyone else but to Minho the carefully worded and evenly toned question was as obvious as if Kibum had shaken him to make him give up his secrets.
Minho sighed a sigh he could feel in his bones. He was frustrated by his day sure, but why was that reason to bring anyone else down with him? He had experienced a day where other’s inability to be professional had created disharmony, had upset others, and that had not been anything he wanted to bring home with him. Yet, here he was, a ball of negative emotional energy that was preying on his personal weaknesses and he couldn’t expel or resolve the cloud that hung over him. He didn’t want to feel crummy- but he didn’t want to be dependent on someone else for his emotional well-being either. He whined aloud turning his face into Kibum’s sleeve.
“Maybe ok? Maybe. But can we just…can we just do this for now? Ok? Please?” The whine in his tone was in full force and he knew it would make Kibum give into him for just a little before an interrogation began in earnest.
“Sure yeobo, we can cuddle all you want,” Kibum teased in a tone that people usually reserved for pinching babies cheeks and condescending to small children. Minho squirmed, smacking at Kibum with his free hand, Kibum was merciless in his teasing when he wanted to be.
“Shut up!”
“You’re gonna talk to me one way or the other by the end of the night- get used to the idea.”
Minho only pressed Kibum’s hand tighter to his own in response.
Kibum gripped his right back.
The evening slid by as smoothly as the turning of the numbers on the digital clock beside the TV before either of them made another move. Kibum continued to read and Minho had remained draped over his friend's side, continuing to steal Kibum’s warmth as he worked out in his own mind what was going on with him.
For all his boisterous bravado, at the end of the day Minho knew he was a giant cuddle bear. Jonghyun may be recognized in their outward lives as the ‘skinship king’, but it was him that privately would live and breathe it if you let him. It really took nothing more than some quality skinship with attention to his thoughts and feelings to turn everything around for him- anytime anywhere. The trouble was with all of the people he was closest to, his members, gone there was really no one left to share that kind of intimacy with. Despite his reputation, he wasn’t someone to embrace just anyone or take them into his inner circle. He had his boundaries.
On days like this though- things ran dry, scraping the bottom of his emotional reserves and dredging up a melancholy that choked the life from his spirit- and he just needed some comfort. He just needed someone he knew cared for him and wanted to see the best for him put their arms around him and be there for him. Laying here snuggled against Kibum was perfect.
Kibum was solid and soft at the same time; he was reassuring and still concerned enough to get to the bottom of Minho’s troubles- even if he had to drag it out of him. Minho pressed his nose to Kibum’s sleeve again and inhaled the spicy and clean aftershave that hung on him. In the silence with his ear pressed to Kibum’s arm he could hear the thrumming of his pulse, and the warmth that radiated from Kibum’s body warming his own. It only took a second more for Minho to decide whether to share his troubles.
Kibum knew him. Kibum would understand him. Kibum would indulge his neediness.
Kibum was like coming home.
The realization hit him squarely in his chest and in a rush tears pricked hot and fast at his eyes running down in miniature rivers soaking into Kibum’s shirtsleeve.
Kibum noticed it immediately.
He untangled his fingers from Minho’s and shifted to face him and drew him into his arms- and Minho fell into them all too willingly but he could care less about that at the moment. The moment they were in was too perfect for analyzation.
“Hey there, hey…” Kibum rubbed Minho’s back in slow circles and gently stroked the hair at the nape of his neck. “Don’t cry babe, really don’t… Please just tell me what is going on is your brain,” he shoved gently at Minho’s shoulder. “Do you know you think really freaking loudly?? Your brain has been shouting at me all night! So please- just talk to me!”
Minho broke off with a choked chuckle and rubbed at his eyes with the butt of his palms, swiping away the tears. “This is so stupid!” he announced. “I am so stupid!”
“Seriously, you’re worrying me- do I need to beat someone up for you?”
Minho laughed genuinely then. He would love to see Kibum beat someone up for him, but in this case the culprit was himself so it was probably best to let that offer go for now.
“Are you ok?” Kibum asked lifting his chin and making him look directly at the other.
“I’m fine. I just had a really crummy day Bum.” He took both of Kibum’s hands in his own and pulled them into his lap rubbing slow circles with his thumbs into the backs of them. “It started with one thing and just kept building and building. And then… It’s just really hard to come home to no one here. No one is ever here anymore Kibummie, and it’s very lonely some nights. Tonight I just had had enough and was going to drown my stupid feelings in some crappy take-out before bed and then there you are sitting here and it was is you were really waiting for me and I was really glad you came and it was even nicer cuddling- it…it was like coming home. Coming home for real, for the first time in a long time and-” he broke off, the emotions welling in him again.
Kibum squeezed him tightly and sighed but the moment didn’t last long- releasing him he reached forward and smacked Minho right in the center of his forehead.
“Kibum!” he complained loudly, whining at the others abrupt blow.
“You idiot. You could have told me sooner you know!” Kibum took his hands between them again and without prompting they both took turns in the silent skin marking. “The way you feel matters. You being okay maters. And if the arrangements aren’t working all the time then we need to figure out something that does work. Something that makes you happy. If this is the way you’ve been feeling and you kept it to yourself then I’m not surprised this meltdown of yours happened.” Kibum shifted a bit bringing Minho more alongside him again and Minho obliged eagerly moving as Kibum willed. “And it’s ok that you got upset.” Kibum continued sincerely. “Sometimes it isn’t the big things. Sometimes it’s just the smallest thing of all that breaks us after we’ve been strong by ourselves for too long.”
Minho hummed into Kibum’s side experiencing a rush of gratitude and thankfulness at the others words. Enjoying the arm slung around him other warm emotions fluttered around his chest making him bashful and stopping up his words.
“How about this…” Kibum proposed. “How about instead of always coming here when the others are away how about you come to my house? We can order in and watch movies and fall asleep on the couch together…I’ll even let you snuggle you over-grown manchild- how’s that sound?”
“Perfect. It sounds perfect,” he beamed. “But Kibum, I don’t want to be a burden to you, You moved out for a reason and you have so much going on for yourself I-” Kibum silenced him with a finger to his lips and a pointedly raised perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
“I don’t say things I don’t mean Choi Minho! Don’t make me hurt you!” He punctuated his words with a repeated fist to Minho’s bicep and a tone that only kept increasing in volume.
“Ow! Oww! Kibum okay!! Okay! We’ll do it, it’s a date! Gosh, so violent…” Minho whined.
“I’ll show you violent frog boy!” warned Kibum. He flailed around flapping and kicking at Minho and untangling himself from the other. With a forceful shove Minho felt himself pushed flat on his back. When Kibum flopped dramatically on top of him he couldn’t stop the giggling, wailing, mess he became as the other attacked.
~~
A week later Minho was wrapped up in his favorite blanket laying against Kibum and stealing his popcorn when the statement came out of the blue.
“You know I feel the same about you right? It’s really nice being together. It’s nice…being someone’s ‘home’”.
His eyes danced with mischief, as he felt the prickling warmth flush him all over and he bit his lip to hide some of the smile that gave away how pleased he was at Kibum’s unguarded words. Being wanted, and being cared for was the best feeling in the world. Carefully he twined their hands together and then beamed up at the other, not able to hide any longer. “Yeah, I know.” He bragged.
Kibum’s hit was swift and direct. “Shut up frog-face.”
“Whatever you say yeobo.”