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there is something in the way jeongguk sleeps.
he never sleeps for long, always seeming to stir after only a few hours of slumber. he wakes with purple under his eyes; the same color as taehyung’s favorite sweater simply because it is so familiar. sleepless nights leave jeongguk with both messy hair, seemingly immune to hairspray or gel, as well as a dreary outlook on life which taehyung remedies with tea and lots of gentle kisses.
these nights make jeongguk cranky, eyes turned bitter upon anything and everything. taehyung never lets this hurt his feelings. years ago, when he and jeongguk had first gotten together, he remembers running off to jimin’s house, tears in his eyes. he thought that surely, jeongguk’s cold attitude had meant the younger man was going to break up with him soon.
but then jeongguk had sheepishly knocked on jimin’s door, eyes red rimmed as though he’d been crying as well, and handed taehyung a note written in sloppy, rushed handwriting. and he’d looked down at his feet, hands shoved into his warm pockets as taehyung read the letter, eyes taking in every stroke of pen, and that was all the apology taehyung had needed.
jeongguk has never been good with words. even now, he can’t outright look taehyung in the eye when telling him that he’s upset, that he’s stressed or sad or fucking aching, but taehyung understands. he has learned to read jeongguk so well, swapping out bits of himself to make room for all of jeongguk’s quirks and mannerisms.
and he loves jeongguk.
he loves jeongguk more than anything, probably. he’d known that right away, only took him three dates and a messy night in bed (well, on the floor, really) to realize that he never wanted to leave jeongguk’s side. not for as long as they both lived.
jeongguk asks him, often, if he is happy, and he always says yes, regardless of how bad of a day he’s had. he’s happy because he gets to come home from work to a nice apartment, gets to settle on the couch and grade papers while jeongguk sits next to him, focused on case files. and the silence between them is never heavy, or forced. taehyung often finds himself smiling for no reason, fingertips tingling every time he remembers that jeongguk is really, truly his.
as if he’d ever actually forget.
but a sleeping jeongguk and an awake jeongguk are so different, always have been.
awake jeongguk is strong, fierce. he has to be, considering his line of work. being a private detective is tiring, causes emotional damage that jeongguk’s only just learned how to manage without self-destructing. he used to come home from work after a particularly difficult case and shut himself away, locked in his office so long that taehyung had to bang on the door with all of his might just to get him to open up.
and then he’d look at taehyung, eyes swollen and cheeks red and he wouldn’t say anything, didn’t need to. taehyung understood. maybe not at first, considering his own career was not even similar to jeongguk’s in the slightest. being a first grade teacher had never really made taehyung break down.
but taehyung had just held his arms open, heart on the sleeve of his ratty sweatshirt, and jeongguk fell against his chest and buried his face in taehyung’s neck and just breathed. they’d stay like that for minutes, hours, however long it took for jeongguk to feel better. feel as if he was alive again.
he’s okay now, knows that taehyung will always be there, and that shutting himself in his room is just prolonging the inevitable. so on stressful days when he doesn’t feel like himself anymore, doesn’t feel like the world’s got anything else to offer, he merely lies with his head in taehyung’s lap, the older man playing with his hair, until his breaths even out.
sleeping jeongguk is much more peaceful. all of the hardness of his gaze is long gone, hidden behind lavender eyelids. the lines of his forehead smooth out, lips pressed open as soft, gentle breaths puff from his mouth.
he looks like a child again, and taehyung often forgets that he’s getting older, that both of them are. that last year jimin threw a surprise party for jeongguk and they’d all celebrated him turning twenty-six.
his hair falls across his forehead in thick strands, the black contrasting so beautifully against his skin. taehyung’s fingers always itch to brush it back, run through it, tug at it until jeongguk’s whimpering his name. but he resists, holds himself back because jeongguk’s a light sleeper and he doesn’t get enough rest as it is.
the days when neither of them have to wake up for work are his favorite. taehyung’s off every weekend. jeongguk used to push to work seven days of the week. it had really taken a toll on the both of them at first, jeongguk coming home in a full blown panic every single day while taehyung cried in the shower because he missed jeongguk’s touch.
but they’d worked around it, compromised the best they could. and now jeongguk makes it a point to be home almost every single sunday, regardless of cases or workload.
taehyung bases his entire week around sunday.
he typically wakes up before jeongguk. he’s always been an early riser, even as a kid, and the habit of waking up at six every morning to be at the elementary school on time has made it nearly impossible for him to sleep in.
on some sundays, he climbs out of bed, sure to keep his movements as quiet and smooth as possible, and heads to the kitchen to cook breakfast. jeongguk typically wakes up when he smells the bacon frying hot and heavy in the skillet, and he pouts as he wraps his arms around taehyung’s waist from behind, chin propped onto his shoulder and murmuring something about, “ it’s too early. ‘m still sleepy, tae.”
on other sundays, rare, gentler ones, taehyung stays in bed. watches jeongguk sleep, eyelashes occasionally fluttering against his cheekbones as the sun gradually fills up their entire bedroom.
they’ve got this giant, picture window situated right across from their bed. jeongguk hadn’t liked it when they first viewed the apartment, said it made break-in’s too easy. but taehyung had pleaded, begged jeongguk until he gave in (which, really, had only taken a few minutes. jeongguk couldn’t stand to see taehyung pout), and agreed that they’d live there, if taehyung wanted. if it made him happy.
and so they’d moved in just two days later, carrying box after box into the apartment. the first thing jeongguk had done was set up his office. the second thing he’d done was bar the windows. he’d always been paranoid, had to be with the type of career he was in, but as he went to bar up the picture window, taehyung found himself crying, tears rolling down his cheeks faster than he could form thoughts.
jeongguk had dropped his drill to the floor, hurrying over to taehyung with all the quickness of a track star, and cupped his cheeks as gently as possible.
“ please don’t,” taehyung had pleaded, sniffling as he buried his face in jeongguk’s neck, fingers holding tight to jeongguk’s thick, black sweater. “ please don’t cover up the picture window, gukkie.”
and of course, jeongguk had argued in his softest voice, said that a window that big was just begging to be busted, and that they lived on the first floor, too. that it was extra dangerous.
but then taehyung had looked up at him, eyes full of such burning sincerity and longing, and jeongguk had never seen him look so goddamn honest before in all of the time they’d known each other.
“ alright,” he’d reluctantly agreed, fingers running through taehyung’s soft hair, “ you can have it, taehyung. anything you want. you can have it.”
and taehyung had never felt so lucky in all of his life, so grateful to have a boyfriend who cared about him so much. and so on some sundays, the delicate ones, he stares out of the picture window until the sun peeks over the trees and practically smiles at him, tinting his world a beautiful, golden yellow.
jeongguk had wanted to put blinds in front of the window, insisted that they needed at least a little bit of privacy, but taehyung had argued that the sun didn’t look as beautiful through plastic shades, and so they’d settled on thick, white curtains that could be drawn back at taehyung’s will, and pulled closed at jeongguk’s.
they’d fallen asleep with them open last night. taehyung remembers asking jeongguk to pull them back just before they both passed out, spent and sore in shyest of places.
and jeongguk is a sucker for taehyung, always eager to please and love so tenderly that it sometimes makes taehyung’s bones ache, so he’d gotten up and opened the curtains without complaining at all.
taehyung’s glad that he hadn’t forgotten to ask jeongguk to open them last night. happy that now he gets to watch the sunrise, warm rays filtering across their carpeted floor, over their floral bed sheets, and all the way up to jeongguk’s softened face.
the beams highlight jeongguk’s nose and cheek bones, and taehyung’s always taken aback by the fact that jeongguk is practically iridescent, always so beautiful in any lighting, whether it be the soft glow of the sunrise or the harsh, pounding lights of the nightclub they’d first met in.
and sometimes taehyung thinks of himself as awful, still can’t quite shake those thoughts that were drilled into him as a child, but he reaches for jeongguk anyway. brushes his hair aside with the pads of his fingers. and though he knows that this love that they have will never feel pure to him, never quite free from sin, but still it feels right. jeongguk has always felt right.
he needs him, sometimes, more than he likes to admit. needs jeongguk to ground him when rowdy first-graders and stacks of papers and bills threaten to drown him. when, “ is this all there is?” runs through his head on an endless loop. he needs jeongguk’s hands, always warm to the touch, and he needs jeongguk’s lips and eyes and laugh and scowl and all of it. needs the way his eyes say, “ yes, taehyung, this is all there is. you, us, this life. this is all there is.”
and he doesn’t mind. he swears, swears, that he doesn’t mind. this is all there is, all there has ever been for him, and he will never change it, wouldn’t want to change it. not for the entire fucking world. it’s just taken him a long time to come to that realization.
so really, he can’t always help himself when his hand reaches out on its own accord, tracing its way over jeongguk’s cheekbones, down the line of his neck, over his smooth chest, the ripples of his abs. can’t blame himself when his fingertips run through jeongguk’s happy trail, the thin, wiry hair so familiar to the touch.
he can’t blame himself for the way he relishes in jeongguk’s sleep-filled shudder. the way his heart leaps when jeongguk’s eyes flutter open, slowly at first, and then all at once, staring taehyung down with the sleepiest, most content gaze.
“it’s early,” he says without looking at the bedside clock. doesn’t need to, is used to being stirred from sleep before the sun has even properly risen. his voice is thick with the remnants of sleep and worn from the way he took taehyung’s cock into his mouth so well last night, throat probably sore.
taehyung merely hums, hand resting atop jeongguk’s bare hip, thumbing at his hip bone. jeongguk sighs, eyes fluttering for a moment, and taehyung thinks that he looks like a fucking fairy like this, alight with the sun in the warm glow of their bedroom.
“you slept a lot,” taehyung tells him, smile gracing his lips. “almost six hours.”
jeongguk visibly lights up at that, always feels his best when he manages to sleep without night terrors plaguing him awake. he leans forward, tucks his head into taehyung’s neck and presses a kiss there, fleeting but full of adoration.
taehyung lets his hands roam, jeongguk still tucked away so close to his heart. his fingers trail through strands of thick, black hair. he tugs at it before soothing jeongguk’s scalp with his fingertips, other hand drawing shapes into the younger man’s side.
“could use some breakfast,” jeongguk murmurs, pressing closer to taehyung, his cock half hard against his stomach.
“i’ll make you breakfast in a bit,” taehyung tells him, and he will, honestly. he doesn’t mind cooking for jeongguk, not if it means he gets to witness jeongguk stare at him with eyes so full of love that it’s nearly suffocating. “i want to see the sky first, though. come look at it with me.”
taehyung’s always considered himself a, “ look at the stars, watch the sunrise, walk through the rain without an umbrella,” type of person, but he finds that he’s even more so when jeongguk’s by his side. he views everything as a poem, a work of art that he thinks jeongguk needs to see, too.
and jeongguk never minds, doesn’t complain when taehyung drags him out to the front steps of their apartment building to watch a thunderstorm, or makes him splash through puddles when it’s raining too hard. jeongguk’s never minded anything taehyung’s done, never wanted anything more than to stroll through life with him, their hands interlocked.
and so he allows taehyung to tug him off of the bed, only whines emptily when the warm covers fall away and cold air hits his naked body. taehyung wraps an arm around his waist, holds him close, and leads him towards their picture window.
the sun’s barely risen, but its rays are bright, anyway, illuminating bits of taehyung’s little world.
jeongguk slides out of taehyung’s grip and moves behind him instead, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. taehyung sighs, back resting against jeongguk’s chest. they fit perfectly like this, taehyung thinks, better than any puzzle he’s ever seen.
his eyelids flutter when jeongguk’s hand trails low, brushing over his soft stomach, all the way down to his cock. he’s half hard already, always is in the morning, and jeongguk knows this. knows taehyung better than he even knows himself.
jeongguk’s palm is warm against him, circling his length loosely as he spreads precome along it in attempt to make the slide easier. taehyung doesn’t care, doesn’t even mind the slight burn as jeongguk’s hand drags over his cock.
he’s always so good to taehyung, knows how to twist his wrist in ways that make taehyung weak in the knees. and he’s consistently had this effect on taehyung, ever since their third date when they decided that the urge to touch each other was too much to handle any longer, and they’d ended up in taehyung’s ratty, one bedroom apartment, toppled over the couch with their clothes strewn everywhere.
taehyung had known, then, in that moment, that they’d be forever.
jeongguk tightens his grip, moves his hand along taehyung’s cock so quickly that taehyung’s breathing stops altogether, caught in his throat. he lets out a strangled moan, eager to come but not so eager to break the atmosphere they’ve got around them. their own personal bubble.
“look, taehyung,” jeongguk murmurs, chin jutting out towards their picture window. “the sun’s coming out from behind the clouds.”
taehyung forces his eyes open, looks out the large window to find that the sun truly has emerged, no longer hidden by puffs of white and gray. the sky is still a burnt orange, but now it’s tinted with bits of yellow and blue. taehyung’s breath is stolen right from his throat.
“it’s beautiful,” he whispers, and he doesn’t know if he’s talking about the sky or jeongguk’s barely-there reflection in the window. he’s god-like, standing firmly behind taehyung with his hand working a relentless rhythm on tae’s cock.
and taehyung wonders, really, how the sun can shine so brightly up in the sky every fucking day when it seems that it’s standing right behind him instead.
“how can you be in two places at once?” he questions aloud, and jeongguk hums in confusion, but taehyung doesn’t bother explaining.
his stomach twists, euphoria so close, he just needs a little more, and-
“i love you,” jeongguk tells him, voice warm like honey as the words roll off his tongue so effortlessly. he doesn’t say them often, thinks they weigh too much to just be thrown around. but when he does say them, taehyung feels warm all the way down to his goddamn bones, like the world is so beautiful and bright and why did he ever want to leave, even for a moment?
taehyung had been the first to say ‘i love you.’ it didn’t take long for the words to spill past his lips, accidental but meaningful nonetheless. they’d been talking on the phone, taehyung on his lunch break at the school, and jeongguk in his own office studying a case file. the conversation was meant to be brief, just a quick, “ have a good day, see you for dinner tonight,” but as they’d finished talking for the better half of twenty minutes, taehyung had blurted out, “ goodbye, i love you.”
and..and it was so simple, like he hadn’t even thought about it, and really, he hadn’t. he’d frozen up the moment the words escaped, and jeongguk was deadly quiet on the other end, breathing unsteady even through the tinny phone speakers.
he’d hung up without saying anything at all, and he hadn’t picked taehyung up for dinner that night. in fact, he hadn’t so much as texted him for nearly a week.
taehyung had been a wreck. a real, honest to god mess over a stupid fucking break up. well, at least that’s what he had thought it was. he spent days at jimin’s house, crying onto his best friend’s shoulder, while yoongi brought him bowls of ice cream and played piano in attempt to calm him.
it was when taehyung had come home from work one day, even his class full of smiling children unable to cheer him up, that he’d seen jeongguk waiting outside his apartment, flowers in hand.
“ i love you too,” was the first thing he’d said, tossing the flowers aside in favor of taking taehyung’s face between his hands instead. “ i love you, and i’m an idiot, and i’m sorry, taehyung. i’m sorry.”
and sorry hadn’t been enough at first, not for taehyung. he’d yelled, cried, told jeongguk to fuck off, and then threatened to have yoongi come over and kick his ass. but even the imminent thought of death hadn’t scared jeongguk off, and he’d let taehyung scream at him until his voice had worn out completely.
so they’d worked on it, together. taehyung spent time helping jeongguk learn to communicate using his words instead of running away, shutting himself off, and in return, jeongguk agreed to try hard, to love taehyung until all of the stars fell from the sky.
“i know,” taehyung pants, head falling back onto jeongguk’s shoulder. he’s too hot, hair sticking to his forehead as precome spirts from his cock when jeongguk runs his thumb along the underside of it. “i know you love me. i can feel it. fuck, gukkie, i can feel it-”
“come on, baby,” jeongguk encourages, wrist twisting in a way that’s got taehyung practically sobbing. “can you come for me?”
jeongguk needn’t even ask that because of course taehyung can, of course he can do anything that jeongguk wants him to. will always do anything for jeongguk, until the sun stops rising and their picture window shatters.
he comes with a start, back arching as he gasps for air, jeongguk’s name on his lips like a prayer he’s had drilled into his fucking brain for years. and come paints his stomach, jeongguk’s fist, and even the picture window, but neither of them seem to mind much at all. jeongguk leans forward to nibble at his ear and tells taehyung that he’s the most beautiful piece of artwork jeongguk’s ever seen.
jeongguk’s hard, taehyung can feel his cock pressing into his ass, so he spins around and sinks to his knees before either of them have properly had time to recover, letting his hands slide gently over jeongguk’s toned thighs.
jeongguk always tastes so good in his mouth, heavy cock fitting perfectly against his tongue. he trails the underside of it, heart jumping at the way jeongguk’s eyelids flutter closed and his pretty mouth falls open, a low moan climbing up his throat.
he looks good like this, looks like he was made for this kind of warm, messy sex on sunday mornings under gentle sunrises. he looks like he belongs right here, right in front of taehyung in the comfort of their bedroom that they’d designed themselves, thank you very much. jeongguk had been so proud when jimin had come over and thought they’d paid a professional to decorate.
he sounds perfect above him, breath coming out in short, sharp hitches and hips pushing forward so that his cock sinks into taehyung’s mouth so deliciously. his hands are tangled in taehyung’s hair, pulling and desperate and searching, and taehyung wants to pull off of him and shout, “ i’m here, jeongguk! i’m here, baby. all you have to do is look.”
when jeongguk comes, taehyung feels like he’s come again too, entire body shuddering as bitter liquid fills his mouth. he swallows what he can, loses some of it on the carpet, and down his chin. jeongguk simply wipes it away with his thumb and then tugs him to his feet, kissing him like he’s never been so desperate for anything before.
the urgency in the kiss dies down to something simple, something beautiful and soft and so heartwarming that taehyung’s got to pull away and simply take a moment to breathe.
there’s a faint chirping behind them, and taehyung turns around in time to look through the window and watch a blue jay take off, wings working hard to carry it through the air. it’s beautiful, a flash of a cyan amongst the green of the trees.
“did you see it, jeongguk?” taehyung asks, eyes lighting up excitedly as he presses his palms to the window, and jeongguk doesn’t even scold him this time for leaving fingerprints. he knows they’ll have to wash it, anyway.
jeongguk nods, stepping forward to place his hands on taehyung’s hips, chin propped on his shoulder as he stares out the window. the sun’s completely risen now, shining happily in the sky, and taehyung feels as if it’s smiling at them.
“ look at me,” it practically sings, beaming gold across their carpeted floor, “ all you have to do is open your eyes and see.”
and taehyung does see. always has with jeongguk by his side to be his extra set of eyes. and when he turns to look at jeongguk, studying the contentment on his face, he knows that he sees, too.