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The music was loud, the baseline thumping, pounding in Castiel’s head. He would never normally have come to a bar like this, but it had been Gabriel’s turn to pick where they went on their night out this week. Castiel still didn’t remember how the tradition had started or how he’d been roped in to it. He had a feeling it was Anna’s fault. It seemed like the kind of thing she would have suggested and that Gabriel would have agreed to with full force.
They had all been new teachers at the school together, starting the same term. Anna and Castiel where roughly the same age, while Gabriel was older than both of them, but certainly less mature. They’d gravitated towards each other because of their newness, sitting together at lunch, grouped together at meetings. The other teachers already knew each other, were already friends. It wasn’t that they weren’t welcoming; it was just that they were settled.
The three new teachers became friends and then someone suggested hanging out together after school. They were young, newly qualified. None of them were in relationships or had family to go home to at the end of the day. It just seemed the natural progression to continue their friendship outside of the classroom. They’d come up with a system, a rota, by which they each got to pick what they did. When it was Castiel’s turn, they’d gone to the theatre. Anna had taken them to an art exhibition.
This week it was Gabriel’s choice and they were at a noisy singles bar, Gabriel bumping and grinding away on the dance floor with a drink in his hand. It was a gay bar. Gabriel said he’d picked it especially with Castiel in mind, his eyes twinkling. Castiel knew that Gabriel didn’t mind who he went home with, man or woman, but Castiel was gay. Anna had been fielding advances left and right all evening, dancing when the mood took her, while Castiel had sat at the bar, stubbornly nursing the cocktail Gabriel had ordered him, refusing to make eye-contact with people.
It was just like Gabriel to suggest this sort of place. Gabriel was single by choice. He enjoyed the chase and he enjoyed going home with someone at the end of the night but he didn’t want a relationship. Castiel didn’t know how Anna felt about these things, but casually hooking up with people had never been something Castiel was into. He was trying not to look at anyone in case he gave them the wrong impression. Castiel didn’t want to be hit on. He just wanted to finish his drink and wait an acceptable length of time until he excused himself and went home.
Anna appeared beside him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright. She’d been dancing a moment ago; Castiel had caught glimpses of her on the dance floor, looking happy and completely in her element.
“My feet are killing me,” she said as she slipped on to the bar stool beside Castiel. “I should have worn flats.”
Castiel sipped his cocktail, glancing back at the dance floor. Gabriel was draped around another man, laughing at something he’d just said. Anna followed his glance, smiling.
“You wouldn’t think he was a kindergarten teacher, would you?” she said.
“You would when you see him on Monday, covered in glitter and paste,” Castiel said dryly. “Besides, they always say it’s the unlikely ones you have to watch out for.”
“Then we should keep a close eye on you, Castiel,” Anna said, nudging him in the side and grinning at him. Castiel shook his head, feeling his cheeks flush.
“I’m the exception to the rule,” he said, licking his lips.
“Shame,” Anna said, looking pointedly over Castiel’s shoulder. “Because there’s a guy checking you out over there and he’s hot!”
Castiel glanced behind him quickly, not sure he believed what Anna was saying, but she was right. There was a man sitting the other end of the bar and as Castiel looked towards him, he raised his beer, smiling at Castiel. Castiel stared at him, his heart hammering in his chest. Anna was right, he was hot. Castiel thought he was probably the most attractive man in the whole bar, maybe the most attractive man he’d ever seen.
Anna nudged him again.
“Go and talk to him,” she hissed.
“I can’t,” Castiel said, turning to look back at Anna but she’d slipped off her bar stool, heading back into the crowd.
He looked back towards the man, not sure if he could work up the courage to go and talk to him, but the man had gotten up out of his seat and was coming towards Castiel. Castiel took a deep breath, reaching for his glass. He swallowed down what was left, his heart beating painfully fast. He didn’t know why the man was interested in him and he didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t something Castiel was used to, picking up men in bars.
The man slid down into Anna’s vacated seat.
“Hey,” he said. “My name’s Dean. What about you?”
His voice was gorgeous. It gave Castiel butterflies in his stomach. He wanted to sit there and listen to the man talking for the rest of the night. There was something about the voice that reminded him of honey. It was slow and sweet, drawing Castiel in. He realized after a moment that he was staring at the man, not saying anything, and that the man might think he was rude. Worse, the man might think that Castiel wasn’t interested in him and Castiel was.
Whatever he’d said about not picking up people in bars, he wanted to pick up this man. He wanted to go with him, wanted to run away with him right now and find somewhere private where the two of them could get to know each other far away from the pounding music and other people.
“I’m Castiel,” he said.
Dean nodded.
“That’s unusual,” he said. “Mind if I call you Cas? You seem like a Cas.”
Normally, Castiel didn’t like people shortening his name, but this time he didn’t mind. It made him feel warm all over when the other man called him ‘Cas’. It spoke of a familiarity that they didn’t have but might end up with.
“That’s fine,” he said.
“So, what brings you out here tonight, Cas?” Dean asked. “I haven’t seen you around before, I would have remembered.”
“I’m here with some friends,” Castiel said.
“No boyfriend then? No one you have to go home too?” Dean asked. He made it sound so casual but Castiel could see that he was looking at Castiel’s hands, looking for a ring on his finger or the mark of where one had been.
“I’m single,” Castiel said quickly, smiling.
Dean looked up at him, smiling back.
“What a coincidence. So am I!” he said. He leaned forward, invading Castiel’s personal space. Castiel let him, feeling giddy as Dean’s mouth brushed against his cheek and Dean whispered. “Look, I know this is sudden and maybe I should buy you a drink first, but do you want to go somewhere more private? I can hardly hear myself think in here.”
“Yes!” Castiel agreed, nodding fervently.
Dean grinned at him, slipping off his stool and reaching for Castiel’s hand.
“Come on,” he said. “I know a nice quiet place and it’s close.”
**
The quiet place Dean knew turned out to be the backseat of his car. It was parked in the corner of the parking lot, far away from the bar and from other cars. Castiel could only just hear the thumping beat of the music. He didn’t think anyone was likely to come looking for them. Gabriel had been too engrossed on the dance floor to notice Castiel leaving. Anna had pointed Dean out to him in the first place. She’d guess what had happened when she saw Castiel was gone.
Castiel didn’t want anyone looking for him. He didn’t want them finding him because if they did, they’d find him naked and sprawled out on the backseat, Dean bent over him. Dean was gorgeous in the moonlight that filtered into the car. Castiel ran his hands over the man’s broad shoulders, felt how warm he was, felt the muscles there that flexed as Dean moved.
Castiel wouldn’t have said he had a type before. He would have been happy with anyone or so he’d always told himself. Now he didn’t think he’d ever get better than Dean. The man would be in his fantasies, gorgeous and almost too good to be true. Castiel had no idea what Dean saw in him. The man could have had his pick of anyone in the bar but he was glad that Dean had chosen him.
It hadn’t taken much coaxing to get Castiel to shed his clothes. He’d wiggled out of his jeans and his underwear, leaving them in the foot well. Dean had shoved his shirt up, moving over Castiel, kissing his chest. He’d taken one of Castiel’s nipples in his mouth, sucking on it while he pinched the other one. Castiel had gasped, head thrown back as he felt Dean’s teeth scrape over his nipple. Castiel had never known he could be so sensitive. Maybe it was because of who he was with. His whole body felt as if it was on fire. Every time Dean touched him, he felt as if he was burning in the most pleasant way. His body craved Dean’s touch.
Dean bit and mouthed at his nipples, turning them hard and red. Castiel squirmed, feeling pre-come leaking from the tip of his cock, rolling down the underside of his shaft. He’d been half-hard since Dean had taken his hand back in the bar, turned on just by the thought of Dean wanting him. His cock had hardened and lengthened as Dean pinned him down in the backseat of his big, black car.
Castiel was more than happy to lie back and let Dean take control. Dean was still fully clothed; he hadn’t even taken off his jacket. Castiel didn’t know why he found that so attractive but he did. Dean left a trail of bite marks down Castiel’s chest, moving lower until his mouth was so close to Castiel’s cock that Castiel whimpered in desperation. He could feel Dean’s hot breath against the head of his cock. Dean was teasing him. He raised his hips up, silently begging for Dean to do more.
Dean chuckled softly, the sound echoing in the tight, confined space of the car. If it had been someone else laughing, Castiel would have thought they were being cruel but he didn’t feel that way about Dean. He was enjoying Castiel’s reaction, getting drunk on the sensation of making Castiel hungry for him, for his touch. That laugh had almost seemed surprised, as if he couldn’t believe Castiel wanted him so much. Castiel didn’t know why. Dean was wonderful and he was so close to Castiel’s cock, close enough that all Castiel could do was imagine Dean swallowing him down.
“Please,” he gasped, the words swallowed up into the tight darkness of the car.
He didn’t know if Dean had heard him at first. He didn’t know if he’d been loud enough. He wasn’t even sure he’d said a word. He thought he might just have moaned, he was so desperately hard now.
Dean did hear him. He moved, his mouth brushing against the head of Castiel’s cock in a soft, warm kiss. A second later Castiel was enveloped in Dean’s wet, welcoming mouth. He groaned, digging his fingers into the seat beneath him, rocking up into Dean’s mouth. Dean grabbed his hips, holding him still and hummed softly. The vibrations around his cock felt amazing. Castiel shut his eyes tight, trying to force himself to calm down. If he didn’t get some control over himself he’d come in a few seconds.
Dean bobbed his head, taking Castiel’s cock right down to the base. Castiel had never felt anything like it before. Dean was obviously talented in the art of sucking cock. This wasn’t his first time doing this. Castiel felt a nasty stab of jealousy, wondering how many other men Dean had bought back to his car. Then Dean hummed again and Castiel almost forgot how to breathe. He gasped, all thoughts of other men forgotten. It didn’t matter if Dean had sucked off every other man in the bar, just as long as he kept moving between Castiel’s legs, kept working on his cock like that.
Dean moved his hand, letting go of Castiel’s hip and sliding between his legs. He ran them lightly over Castiel’s balls, the touch feather-soft- and Castiel bucked up again. Dean pulled back a little, coughing. Castiel was about to apologise but Dean took him back in his mouth, his fingers searching lower, pressing against Castiel’s hole. He rubbed his thumb in little circles. He didn’t press in, just rubbed but it was enough for Castiel. He whimpered again, the double stimulation of Dean sucking on his cock and working his thumb across his hole was too much for Castiel. He came, biting down hard on his lower lip, muffling the noises he made.
Dean swallowed everything, keeping up the steady pressure against Castiel’s hole until Castiel was completely spent. Slowly, he pulled back, letting Castiel’s soft cock drop from between his lips. He licked them, grinning at Castiel in the half-light of the moon. Castiel smiled back at him, feeling boneless and spent.
“Did you come?” he asked quietly.
Dean shook his head.
“No, I was focused on you,” he said.
“Do you want me to…?”
“No, it’s fine. I liked making you feel good,” Dean said. He looked nervous suddenly and a lot younger than he had a few minutes before when he’d been so cocksure of himself.
Castiel sat up slowly, running a hand through his hair.
“I want to make you feel good,” he said.
“It’s okay,” Dean said. “The back of the car is kind of cramped. I’m used to it but…” he trailed off with a shrug.
“We can go to mine then,” Castiel said breathlessly. “It’s close.”
Dean grinned widely.
“Yeah? Just give me the directions.”
**
Castiel didn’t usually take people home. His apartment was neat, clean but there was hardly anything in it. Castiel hadn’t known what to buy. He’d just bought the basics and left it at that. He had a cat, Meg, but she wasn’t the sort of cat that liked other people. Some days, she didn’t even like Castiel. The last time Castiel had had anyone over; she’d hidden on top of the kitchen cabinets and refused to come down for a whole day. Castiel hoped she wouldn’t make a fuss this time because he wasn’t about to turn Dean away.
He’d dressed hurriedly in the backseat, dragging on his clothes. Dean drove as Castiel directed him. It was late at night, no one was about to see Castiel half-naked in the back seat and they managed to miss the traffic lights. Castiel thought things were on his side for once. Not only had he met someone like Dean, someone so beautiful that Castiel almost didn’t believe he was real, but they were racing through the streets, heading to Castiel’s apartment. Castiel was hard again, his cock straining in the confines of his underwear. He was going to get fucked. He hadn’t been fucked in such a long time, not since he’d finished his teacher training. He’d broken up with his boyfriend around that time and he hadn’t had the chance to meet someone else.
Before Dean, Castiel would never have imagined he could be happy picking up guys in bars but Dean was different. The spark between them was instant. The attraction was obvious. Even if nothing came of it, if Castiel never saw Dean again, he didn’t want to deny himself this moment now. He’d never felt such raw and immediate passion with anyone.
Besides, if Dean fucked as well as he sucked cock, Castiel didn’t want to miss that.
They turned in to his road as Castiel finished dragging his trousers up over his hips.
“This is it!” he said breathlessly. “Stop here!”
Dean pulled the car into the nearest free parking space. He got out and opened the back door for Castiel, offering him his hand again to help him out. Castiel kissed him as soon as he was out of the car, tugging Dean close to him and burying his fingers in the other man’s short hair. He was so turned on, Dean could have fucked him against the car and Castiel wouldn’t have complained, even if his neighbours might.
Dean broke the kiss, whining low in his throat and pushing his hips up demandingly against Castiel’s. Castiel could feel how hard he was. Dean hadn’t come yet. He’d got Castiel off once but he must have been hard for all that time, hard during the drive over. Castiel didn’t want to keep Dean waiting now they were here. He dug his keys out of his pocket.
“Come on,” he said, pulling Dean up the front steps of his building.
He unlocked the front door and pulled Dean into the lobby. There was a set of stairs and Castiel’s apartment was on the third floor. They ran up together, laughing and kissing, Dean’s hands all over Castiel, trying to undress him again as they got into the hallway.
Castiel fumbled with his apartment key, gasping as Dean’s hand slid down the back of his trousers, Dean’s fingers running down the curve of his ass. He finally got the door open, had a glimpse of the cat as she streaked across the room, heading to the kitchen, then he was turned round quickly and roughly kissed again.
Dean kicked the door shut behind him and tugged at Castiel’s shirt. Castiel lifted his hands up, over his head and they broke the kiss long enough for Dean to be able to pull Castiel’s shirt off and throw it somewhere forgotten.
“Where’s the bedroom?” he asked.
Castiel motioned vaguely to a door, tugging Dean towards him again. They made it into the bedroom after a few minutes. Castiel’s neck was covered in little bite marks and Dean had lost his jacket and shirt somewhere on Castiel’s living room floor.
They broke apart just long enough to finish undressing. Castel was out of his clothes first, on his hands and knees as he hunted under the bed for the little bottle of lubricant he kept hidden there. He felt Dean move behind him, felt Dean’s hands on his hips and then Dean’s cock was rubbing between his cheeks. Castiel moaned, pushing back. It was a parody of what he actually wanted, which was Dean buried deep inside of him, but it still felt good.
His fingers touched on the bottle of lubricant and Castiel grabbed hold of it, pulling it out from under the bed.
“Let me get on the bed,” he said, climbing unsteadily to his feet.
He passed Dean the bottle of lubricant and crawled on to the bed, waiting there on all fours. It felt like an eternity before Dean’s probing fingers brushed down the cleft of his ass and pressed against his hole. They were slicked and Dean pushed first one, then two fingers into him. They slid in easily. Castiel didn’t offer any resistance. He wanted this, welcomed it, canting his hips up to take Dean’s fingers deeper.
Dean slipped a third finger into him, stretching him. Castiel bit his lip. He knew that he needed to be stretched, that he’d be glad Dean had taken this time in the morning when he wasn’t aching and sore. It was just that he was so turned on he didn’t care for the moment. He wanted Dean’s cock in him. He wanted Dean to fuck him hard and leave him feeling it the morning after.
“Please,” he begged, rocking back on the fingers inside of him. “I’m ready. Please!”
“You sure?” Dean asked. He sounded like he was right on the edge. Castiel squeezed down tight on his fingers and heard Dean moan.
“Fuck me,” he gasped.
Dean drew his fingers out of Castiel slowly and Castiel head the click of the bottle cap as Dean opened the lubricant again. A moment later he felt the blunt head of Dean’s cock pressing against him. Dean gripped his hips tight and sank slowly in to him. Castiel sighed, the noise a deep sound that reverberated through him. It felt good to have something inside of him. It felt right. Dean filled him up just how Castiel wanted.
Dean kept moving, kept sliding deep into him until he bottomed out, his balls resting against Castiel’s ass, completely buried inside him. His cock was thick and full. Castiel felt wonderfully stretched. Even with the care Dean had taken, Castiel was still going to feel well fucked in the morning.
“You good?” Dean asked. His fingers dug deep into Castiel’s hips and Castiel knew he was holding himself back, that Dean was waiting for Castiel to tell him he could move.
“I’m good,” he said, nodding his head and that was all Dean needed.
He pulled out almost completely and then pressed back in. At first his thrusts were slow, but he started to gain momentum. Castiel gasped with every thrust. It felt exactly how he’d imagined it would feel. Dean was fucking him just the way he needed, hard and fast now he’d got his bearings.
His cock kept brushing against Castiel’s prostate, the sensation almost too much for Castiel. He enjoyed the feeling of being stretched and filled up alone. He’d never needed too much stimulation to come from being fucked, only a little pressure, but Dean was relentless. Castiel knew he couldn’t last long. He could feel his orgasm building. He’d already come once that night and now he was so close again. He could feel the tingling in the bottom of his spine, the one that spread through his whole body.
He didn’t even have time to warn Dean that he was about to come. He couldn’t say anything, could only moan loudly as he came again, spilling on to the fresh clean sheets beneath him.
“Fuck,” Dean swore, his thrusts becoming ragged.
He kept moving but it wasn’t so controlled any more. Castiel gripped at the sheets beneath him, crying out as Dean fucked him through the aftershocks of his orgasm. He was still coming, Dean still hitting his prostate, milking Castiel for all he was worth. Castiel didn’t think he’d ever come that hard in his life. He was shaking, his whole body trembling but it felt amazing.
Dean stilled suddenly, making a soft, strangled noise. He came like that, buried deep inside of Castiel.
He pulled out after a few seconds and Castiel collapsed on to the bed. He rolled over a moment later, getting away from the wet patch and kicked and shoved the sheets off the bed. Dean sank down next to him, grinning and breathless.
“You’re amazing,” he said, wrapping his arms around Castiel and kissing him again.
Castiel smiled. He couldn’t even begin to find words to tell Dean how amazing he was. He just hoped that they’d both have it in them to go again before sunrise. Castiel had been in a dry spell for so long. Now he’d found Dean and he didn’t want to let him go, at least not until he’d had his fill of him.
**
Castiel woke up the next morning, blinking as he looked around. He remembered Dean and he remembered coming home with Dean. He remembered the sex they’d had. He ached now but it was a good ache, the sort that reminded Castiel he’d been fucked and by someone who knew what they were doing.
He got up slowly, carefully and padded out into the living room. Dean’s clothes were gone.
Castiel checked the other rooms but it seemed obvious that Dean had got up and left in the middle of the night. He tried not to feel a stab of regret. They’d just met at a bar. It was only sex. It had been good between them, the best Castiel had ever had, but that didn’t make it anything more.
Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. He could go back to the bar and try to meet Dean again, but Dean might not want that. He might be happy keeping it a one-night thing. Castiel didn’t want to spoil the memory of what they’d shared by going back to find out Dean didn’t want him again. Besides, it had just been serendipity that they met that night. Bars weren’t Castiel’s thing and neither were casual flings.
It had just been the right time for what happened. It was a perfect evening, a moment of rebellion where Castiel had let lust control him and he’d had fun. He didn’t need to build Dean up into some sort of perfect man when he probably wasn’t. They’d had a good time together but that didn’t make them destined to be together. Sometimes the chemistry was just right.
Castiel stretched and made his way towards the bathroom, intent on grabbing a shower and then some breakfast. He’d probably check his phone to find messages from both Anna and Gabriel, trying to get all of the juicy details out of him. Once he’d had a cup of coffee, he might text them back and give them some idea of what had happened last night.
Castiel wouldn’t mind reliving it for a little while.
**
A month later:
Anna was the one who bought the pregnancy test. Castiel would have preferred not to even think about the possibility that he could be pregnant. It was Anna who told him he had to face up to it. Gabriel had been the one who found Castiel throwing up in the bathroom, but he said it was probably flu. Castiel preferred Gabriel’s suggestion.
He’d been feeling off color for about a week. He’d been throwing up but that wasn’t all that odd. Schools were breeding places for germs. There was always something going around, some stomach bug or something like that. Castiel normally just got on with it.
It was Anna who’d reminded him that he’d had unprotected sex. It just hadn’t been something that had weighed on Castiel’s mind. He knew he could get pregnant. It wasn’t usual but some men did and Castiel had been warned as a teenager that he could. He was normally so careful but he’d been swept up in the moment. He hadn’t cared about condoms or pills. He didn’t have any around in the house because he didn’t usually hook up with anyone.
Besides, what was the likelihood of Castiel getting pregnant from a one-night-stand. He’d tried to work out the probability for himself, factoring in his age and the rate that fertility declined. It was such a small possibility. Tiny. Gabriel had taken a look at the equation Castiel had scribbled down and said he didn’t like the odds. He was betting against Castiel being pregnant.
Anna still went out on her lunch break to the pharmacy down the street and bought a pregnancy test.
“Better safe than sorry,” she said as she ushered Castiel into the bathroom.
Castiel knew both Anna and Gabriel were waiting outside. They wouldn’t have to wait long. The test only took a minute.
Castiel stared down at the little stick in his hand and prayed for it to be negative.
He couldn’t have a baby. He was single, supporting himself on a teacher’s salary. He’d only recently qualified and it wouldn’t look good if he had to take time off so soon. He’d always thought that if he ever did get pregnant, it would be when he was happy and secure in a relationship. It wouldn’t be because of one night of madcap passion with a man he’d never see again.
It was the longest minute of Castiel’s life. He tried counting down the seconds but lost his place. He was muddled, unable to concentrate. He felt as if he was going to be sick again and he didn’t know if that was because he was ill or because he was nervous.
Finally, when he was sure at least five minutes must have passed, he looked back down at the stick in his hand.
It was two blue lines. A positive result.
Castiel was pregnant.
He unlatched the cubical door and walked out in a daze. He didn’t feel anything. He was numb all over. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to him, that there was a baby growing inside of him. It didn’t seem real.
He tossed the pregnancy test away in the trash can. It had to be wrong. Anna must have bought a faulty test. He’d buy another one when school finished.
Castiel washed his hands and dried them, dreading stepping outside but he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. Gabriel would be sent in to find him soon enough.
He pushed open the bathroom door. Gabriel was leaning against the wall, playing on his phone. Anna was waiting there, her hands clasped in front of her. She almost looked excited.
“Well?” Gabriel asked, looking up from his phone. “Does Anna owe me five bucks or what?”
Castiel shook his head slowly.
“No,” he said softly. “I’m pregnant. The test says I’m pregnant.”
“Castiel,” Anna said quietly.
She reached out for Castiel and pulled him in to her arms. She stroked his back and Castiel felt a sob well up in his throat.
He felt stunned. He didn’t know what he should do. He knew there were options but the magnitude of the choices overwhelmed him. He couldn’t imagine choosing any of them. He couldn’t imagine keeping the baby, giving it away or getting rid of it. He couldn’t believe there was a baby in the first place.
Slowly, he returned the hug, sagging into Anna’s safe embrace. Over her shoulder, Castiel saw Gabriel reaching into his pocket. He drew out his wallet and took out five dollars. Castiel almost laughed. He hadn’t expected Gabriel to really see the bet through. He thought he ought to be angry with Gabriel for making a joke out of it, but he wasn’t. He felt as if it was a moment of normality in the madness that had suddenly engulfed his life.
“Are you going to tell the father?” Anna asked, drawing back so she could look at Castiel’s face.
“I can’t,” Castiel said. “I don’t know him. I don’t even know his last name. I only met him at the bar.”
“Gabriel, do you know the man Castiel went home with?” Anna asked, turning to look at Gabriel.
Gabriel shook his head slowly.
“No, I didn’t even see Castiel leave with him and it’s not like I’m in there all the time. I just thought it was a good place to go dancing.”
“Okay,” Anna said. She sounded brisk, like she was speaking to her class. Castiel found it reassuring. Anna would know what he should do. She’d been the one who’d bought the pregnancy test, the one who’d guessed that Castiel’s symptoms were more than flu. Anna understood these things. “Lunch is going to be over soon. Do you want to go home, Castiel? I can explain that you’re not well. I can come over tonight if you want to talk about this.”
“You’re not going to tell me what to do?” Castiel asked hopelessly.
Anna looked at him sadly. She stroked a stray tuft of hair out of his face and sighed.
“I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is, Castiel. You have to make that choice for yourself.”
Castiel wished Anna could just make the choice for him. The decision seemed too big for him. He almost did want to take the afternoon off. He wanted to go home and curl up in bed with his cat. He wanted to forget about positive pregnancy tests and babies.
He couldn’t though. His class would be waiting for him and Castiel couldn’t run away and hide.
“I’m fine,” he said, trying to make it sound as if he’d pulled himself together. “I think going back to class is the best thing. We’ll talk about it tonight, okay?”
“Okay,” Anna agreed.
“Do you want me to come too?” Gabriel asked. He stood awkwardly behind Anna. He didn’t look at all comfortable with the situation.
Castiel wished he knew why. He didn’t want to think that Gabriel was judging him now. Castiel knew he’d been stupid. He knew he hadn’t taken precautions but he’d hoped that Gabriel might understand. Anna was the sensible one. Gabriel was the wild one. Maybe he’d got Gabriel all wrong. He was probably a lot more careful than Castiel was. Gabriel understood the risk better than Castiel ever had.
“If you want to come, Gabriel, I’d be happy,” Castiel said.
Gabriel nodded. He reached out and carefully put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, squeezing sympathetically.
“Whatever you decide to do, I’m here for you,” he said.
He looked so solemn and serious for a moment, nothing like his usual self. Castiel wondered if that was what was making Gabriel so uncomfortable. He liked to take things easy, to make a joke out of them, and this was something he couldn’t really joke about.
The bell rang then, signifying the end of the lunch period. Gabriel squeezed his shoulder then let go.
“I’ll see you tonight then,” he said, turning and heading off in the direction of his classroom.
Anna and Castiel walked together quietly. The children were already starting to file in. They couldn’t talk about something so personal and private with them around. Anna paused for a moment when she reached her classroom door, smiling at Castiel. It was a warm smile, a comforting smile. Castiel wished that it was the end of school already so he could stay with Anna. He felt safe with her, as if he could rely on her. She wouldn’t let him make the wrong decision, he was sure.
All too quickly though, Anna turned away, ducking into her classroom. Castiel’s room was only a few doors down. He walked slowly, feeling as if his shoes were filled with lead.
His class where already in their seats, some of them looking as if they wished it was closer to home time too. Castiel glanced over their faces. They looked so young. If he kept the baby, one day it would be the same age as his students. They were eleven years old. It was hard to imagine what eleven years in the future would be like.
Castiel sat down at his desk. He didn’t think he could concentrate on anything. He couldn’t teach the lesson he had planned, he knew that.
“Class, I want you to do some quiet reading,” he said. “Read chapters four and five on your own.”
He heard the grumbling as the kids dug out their books. It gave Castiel another hour to ponder what he was going to do. He clasped his hands, looking down at them. If he kept the baby, his whole life would change. He would become a parent. The baby would be his whole world. He knew that. He would fall in love with it. Castiel didn’t know if he was ready for such a lifelong commitment.
There was a soft noise, the sound of shoes scuffing on the floor. Castiel looked up quickly.
Sam Winchester was standing in front of his desk. He looked nervous.
“Did you forget your book again, Sam?” Castiel asked.
“Yes,” Sam said quietly. “I’m sorry. We were running late this morning.”
Castiel opened his desk drawer and picked out a spare copy. He passed it to Sam, smiling at him.
“It’s okay, Sam. Just try and keep it in your bag.”
Sam smiled back. Then a flicker of concern crossed his face.
“You look really pale. Do you want me to get a glass of water?” he asked.
Castiel shook his head.
“No, Sam. It’s okay. Go back to your seat,” he said.
He watched Sam head back to his seat, thinking about the baby and about what sort of person it might grow into. It might grow up to be someone like Sam – a smart, sensitive boy who cared about everyone. As far as Castiel was aware, Sam was being raised by a single parent. There was only one contact name in his file, although Castiel couldn’t remember what it was exactly. Still, Sam was proof that children could grow up happy and adjusted, even if they didn’t have two parents in a stable relationship.
If Castiel could raise his child to be like Sam, he’d be very happy indeed.
**
Castiel got home with enough time to make himself a cup of coffee before the doorbell rang. He didn’t get a chance to drink his coffee. He supposed that was good. He thought he remembered reading somewhere that drinking coffee was bad during a pregnancy. He opened the door to find Anna standing there. He gave her the coffee and got himself a glass of water.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang again. This time it was Gabriel.
“I thought about bringing over some beers, but I guessed that wasn’t a good idea in your situation,” he said lightly.
Castiel smiled at him.
“I’ve got water. Do you want something to drink?”
“No, I’m good,” Gabriel said, waving away the offer and sitting down on Castiel’s couch next to Anna.
Castiel shut the door, lingering for a moment. He thought he’d made up his mind but it was still a big thing to go from thinking about it to voicing it. He didn’t know what his friends’ reactions would be. He hoped they’d support him and they’d understand why he was making the choice he was. He turned slowly and moved to sit down in the arm chair across from Anna and Gabriel.
It was a comfortable, old armchair that had been the first piece of furniture Castiel had bought for himself. It had come second-hand but Castiel liked the lived in feel of it. It was a little shabby but that had been part of its appeal.
“Well?” Gabriel asked, breaking the silence. “Have you made a decision?”
“Gabriel!” Anna said, reaching out to smack his knee. “Don’t push! This is hard for Castiel. It would be hard for anyone.”
“No, Anna. It’s okay,” Castiel said quickly. “I’ve made up my mind.”
They both looked at him, interest and suspense written over their faces. For another moment, Castiel hesitated. He could see Gabriel getting agitated, never one to be happy with long pauses and unfilled spaces in a conversation. Castiel hurried on, trying to get the words out before Gabriel asked him another question.
“I’m going to keep the baby,” he said.
“Oh,” Anna said softly.
She looked surprised. Castiel was surprised too. He’d been so horrified by the thought of being pregnant at lunchtime. It still didn’t feel real to him that something was growing inside of him, but he guessed that that would change as the baby grew and so did Castiel to accommodate it.
“Why?” Gabriel asked. He looked curious.
He didn’t seem to be condemning Castiel for his choice and he certainly didn’t look as if he was about to launch into an attempt to change his mind. He just seemed genuinely interested in what had prompted Castiel’s choice.
“I want a baby,” Castiel said. “I want this baby. I know everything isn’t perfect. I know that I don’t know anything about the father but I’m pregnant and I want to keep it.”
Gabriel nodded thoughtfully.
“Well, rather you than me,” he said. “I get enough of kids at school. I wouldn’t want them when I came home.”
“It’s going to be hard, Castiel,” Anna said.
“I know,” Castiel said. “But I think it’s different when it’s your own. I’ve been thinking about it, the baby I mean, and what sort of person it might grow up to be. I have all these hopes, these dreams for it already. I love it already.”
“Gabriel and I will be here to help you,” Anna said. “I don’t mind babysitting.”
“I do,” Gabriel said with a little shudder. “But when the kid is older, I’m cool with being the fun uncle. And I can paint a mean rainbow mural. I do a pretty good teddy bears picnic too.”
“Thank you,” Castiel said. “I suppose there will be a lot to think about. I’ll have to take some time off from work.”
“And we all know how much you’ll hate that,” Gabriel said, grinning. “I bet you’ll take the shortest leave possible.”
“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Anna asked.
“I hadn’t even thought about that,” Castiel said. “I’m still getting my head around the idea that it exists. I’ll be happy with either.”
“So you won’t find out before the birth?” Gabriel said. “Oh good. I can start a pool. Bets on when you’ll deliver and on the sex of the baby!”
“You’re impossible,” Anna said, shaking her head and sighing. “I don’t know how anyone like you was ever hired as a kindergarten teacher.”
“Hey,” Gabriel objected. “I don’t behave like this with the kids. We sing nursery rhymes and I tell stories. Do you think I’m teaching them how to play Poker or something?”
“I wouldn’t put it passed you,” Anna said dryly.
“Nah, they’re my munchkins,” Gabriel said, grinning. “I want them to stay small forever.”
Castiel sat back in his arm chair and listened to them argue. It was good natured teasing, no malice in it at all, and it was normal. It was so blissfully normal. His life would change, Castiel knew that. He was going to have a baby and that would change everything but some things would still be the same. He would still have Anna and Gabriel.
Castiel placed his hand on his stomach, smiling softly to himself. It was too early to feel anything yet. There was no bump, nothing to tell him he was pregnant but Castiel still knew and he felt as if he had a wonderful secret. He was going to be a father; he was going to keep his baby.
He knew he had made the right choice.
**
Three Months Later:
Castiel was tired. He wanted to lie down in a dark room and sleep. He was constantly fatigued by the end of the day. Sometimes, he was tired by lunchtime. For some reason, he’d never considered how much energy it would take for his body to support the little baby growing inside of him. He considered it now, especially as he couldn’t have a cup of coffee in the middle of the day.
He’d already started buying baby books, reading about his pregnancy and the things he should try to avoid. Caffeine had been one of the first things mentioned. There was conflicting information on if he should avoid peanuts or eat them. Castiel avoided them simply because he was avoiding so many other things. He’d begun to try to baby proof his apartment but there were so many things to consider.
The biggest issue was his cat. Castiel firmly, determinedly, knew he wasn’t going to give her up. He loved that cat. However, all the baby books advised that he shouldn’t be cleaning out her litter box because there was a danger of Toxoplasmosis. Castiel had read up on it, absolutely horrified. It felt as if everything in his life was suddenly a danger to the baby. Things Castiel had never considered before now carried harmful risks. The first three months of pregnancy were the ones where a miscarriage was most likely to occur and Castiel couldn’t stand the thought of losing the baby, not after he’d made the decision to keep it.
He found himself both physically and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep, but he couldn’t. He was still working and he’d be working right up until the last month of his pregnancy.
He had to stay even later tonight. It was parents evening. Castiel had little updates on each of the children in his class, areas they were excelling and areas in which they needed help. For some, he even had suggestions of activities their parents could do to help them. It had been his own after school project, something he’d worked on for weeks, but already he felt he’d tried too hard. More than one parent had rolled their eyes when he suggested number games or reading together.
Castiel was starting to hesitate before making those suggestions. Most parents only wanted to hear the good news. Some got up and left after that. Others had argued. Castiel was tense and tired and on the edge. He didn’t want to spend any more time having his work thrown back in his face. At least he was getting close to the end of the alphabet.
According to his list it was ‘Winchester’ next. Castiel felt a little positive about finally meeting the person who was raising Sam. He was sure whoever it was would be as thoughtful and kind as Sam was. Castiel had only praise for Sam academically. The issues he had with Sam had been to do with remembering things. Sam was always forgetting important books or his sports kit and Castiel felt that better time management was his issue. If Sam wasn’t rushing around in the mornings, if he packed his bag the night before, he’d be better focused. Castiel wasn’t sure if he’d bring it up. Maybe he’d mention Sam sometimes forgot things but make it only an observation. He wouldn’t offer any solutions.
The classroom door opened. Castiel glanced up from the papers on his desk, Sam’s latest test results and a book report Castiel had been especially pleased with, to see the man in the doorway. For a moment, he thought he was seeing things. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him.
Dean was standing there.
He looked just as surprised as Castiel felt.
Castiel swallowed. He licked his lips. Finally, he found his voice.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
He had never expected to see Dean again. He thought about him sometimes, usually in the early hours of the morning when he was throwing up. He cursed Dean then, but he’d thought about him too at other times, wondered how he was. He’d wondered if Dean would want to know he was going to be a father. Now he had the chance to find out.
Dean took an unsteady step forward, shutting the classroom door behind him.
“I didn’t…you didn’t…” he started. He shook his head quickly, collecting himself and started again. “I’m sorry I ran out on you. I didn’t mean to stay so long. I had to get home. My babysitter nearly killed me. I should have left you a note or something but I had to get back and I wasn’t think straight. I was just thinking about the fact that I was late.”
“You had to get home?” Castiel repeated.
“Yes, because of Sam and Adam. I mean, I had a friend watch them but I promised I’d be home before 1am and I wasn’t. I don’t get many nights out now. I tried going back to the bar but you were never there.”
“You’re Sam’s father?” Castiel felt as if he was completely lost.
Dean didn’t look old enough to have a son Sam’s age. Apparently, he had two sons because he’d mentioned another boy as well. Castiel didn’t know what to say. He would never have slept with Dean if he’d known Dean was the father of one of his students. It crossed lines that Castiel didn’t want to cross.
It also, he thought, made it unlikely that Dean would be happy to find out Castiel was pregnant. He already had two boys to take care of. Why would he want another child with a one-night-stand?
“No, I’m not Sam’s dad. I’m not Adam’s dad either. I’m their guardian. Our dad died in an accident. Adam’s mum was with him. Then either I stepped in and took them both or they’d end up in foster care.”
Castiel felt awful. He should know that about Sam. It should be in his file but Castiel had been so preoccupied. Sam never talked at his home life. He seemed so happy, never causing trouble, never giving Castiel any reason to worry, that Castiel had never thought about what might be happening outside of school.
He stared at Dean, seeing him for the first time. He didn’t see him as the attractive man who’d picked him up in the bar, but as Sam’s big brother. Castiel felt slightly in awe of him. Dean had taken on so much responsibility.
“How old are you?” he asked. The words were out of his mouth before he meant them to be, but Dean didn’t look offended.
“Twenty-six,” he said. “You?”
“Twenty-eight,” Castiel said.
Dean closed the distance between them, pulling out the chair across from Castiel and sat down in it. He smiled at him.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” he said. “I know I’m supposed to be here to talk about Sam, but he’s not giving you any trouble, is he?”
“No,” Castiel said quietly. “He’s a wonderful student. One of my best.”
“I knew it,” Dean said, his smile turning proud for a moment as he spoke about his brother. “He’s amazing. He really is.”
Castiel nodded. He passed Dean the book report Sam had written.
“He’s very good at English.”
Dean took the paper from him, his smile widening.
“Is this something Sam wrote? Can I read it? He never lets me look over his work.”
“You should read it,” Castiel agreed. “And we should talk about Sam’s progress. Dean, whatever happened between us, I’m Sam’s teacher. He needs to come first. We need to keep things strictly professional now.”
It hurt him to say that. He couldn’t help feeling something for Dean. He was the father of Castiel’s child. That meant something to him. He’d thought about Dean, fantasied about him coming back but Castiel couldn’t disrupt his life. Dean had his two younger brothers to look after. He didn’t need Castiel turning up and telling him he was going to have a child.
Dean looked up from Sam’s book report quickly. He looked at Castiel with such a disappointed expression that Castiel had to look away.
“Why? What do you think is going to happen? You already said Sam was one of your best students. No one can accuse you of giving him preferential treatment,” he said. “And I looked for you, Cas. I tried to find you. I almost drove to your house a couple of times but I thought that was creepy.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” Castiel said. As much as he’d thought about Dean, he wouldn’t have wanted him turning up out of the blue uninvited.
“Yeah, I know that’s not romantic,” Dean said, rubbing at the back of his neck.
He looked awkward. It was odd, seeing him during the day time, sat on one of the small plastic chairs in Castiel’s classroom. He was still handsome but he didn’t have the same air of confidence he’d had at the bar. There, Dean had been in his element. He’d known what he was doing and he’d picked Castiel up easily. Here, he didn’t seem to know what he wanted to say. Castiel hated that he found it endearing. Everything would be so much easier if Dean turned out to be horribly, irrevocably flawed.
As it was he turned out to be a sweet man who was raising his two younger brothers after the untimely death of their parents and Castiel thought he might honestly like Dean even more than he’d done back in the bar.
It was hormones, he decided. He hadn’t been interested in sex, not with the nausea and tiredness and the fact that his nipples were swollen. Now seeing Dean again, his hormones were reasserting themselves and reminding Castiel that he’d enjoyed the brief time they’d spent together.
“What do you want, Dean?” he asked.
“I just want to take you out to dinner,” Dean said. “I just want to talk to you. I thought there was a spark. If it isn’t there now, we can be completely professional like you said.”
“When do you want to go out?”
“Now? When you’re finished? We can just grab burgers. I know it’s not fancy but I know a place that does great burgers,” Dean said.
Castiel hesitated for a moment. He only had two more parents to see after Dean. He didn’t fancy the idea of burgers, but there would probably be other things he could eat. Besides, Dean was going to find out that Castiel was pregnant eventually. Sam would tell Dean about Castiel going on paternity leave. Dean would work out the dates and put two and two together. It was better that Castiel grabbed the bull by the horns.
“Can you wait for me?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, I’ve got to see Adam’s kindergarten teacher. Adam keeps coming home covered in glitter and it’s clogging up the plumbing,” Dean said, grinning. “And I’ll call the babysitter and tell him I’m gonna’ be a bit longer.”
Castiel nodded. He had the feeling that Dean’s babysitter was probably a very patient person. He must be, to agree to sit for Dean again after Dean had been so late before. Dean was charming. He’d managed to charm Castiel into a date with him. No matter how much Castiel told himself he was going along just to tell Dean about the baby, he couldn’t help feeling slightly excited.
Dean got to his feet, pulling his phone from his pocket and Castiel saw the name “Benny” on the screen before Dean left the room, shutting the classroom door behind him. Castiel could hear his voice from outside in the corridor but it was muffled. He couldn’t make out the words.
He sat back in his seat, unable to believe the strange twist of fate that had led to Dean walking back into his life.
Dean thought they had a spark. Dean had looked for him. It hadn’t just been Castiel who’d felt that desire to find each other again. Castiel didn’t know if either of them where in the right place for a relationship, but they were going to be something to each other. They’d both have the baby to think about soon.
**
Castiel found Dean waiting for him outside his classroom when he finished his last meeting. He was glad that he wasn’t showing yet. The bump he had was very small, only noticeable when he was undressed. It wouldn’t be something Dean would notice; Castiel wasn’t planning to take his clothes off for him again, however well this dinner date went.
The sun was setting as they walked to Dean’s car, Castiel carrying the folders and papers he’d bought with him that day. He usually caught a lift home with Gabriel in his tiny car or took the bus. Castiel remembered Dean’s car being spacious. He knew that the back seat certainly was.
He felt his cheeks warming and he was careful not to look at Dean. As much as Castiel wanted to ignore the subject, his mind kept drifting back to sex. He had only known Dean for a few hours and in that time he’d been the most spontaneous and free spirited he’d ever been. If Castiel was feeling more negative, he’d say that the pregnancy was a punishment for acting that way, but he couldn’t feel like that. Even though it wasn’t perfect, even though the actual physical effects were more than he had prepared for, he was happy he was pregnant.
It hadn’t been planned and Dean and Castiel weren’t together, but that didn’t mean Castiel had to sew a scarlet ‘A’ into all his clothes and walk around as if he was ashamed of himself.
They reached the car and Dean opened the passenger side door for him. For one moment, Castiel panicked, thinking that Dean already knew he was pregnant. He wondered if Gabriel had told him. He wondered if Gabriel even knew that this was the same Dean Castiel had gone home with that night.
Dean looked at him oddly and Castiel realized that Dean was only holding the door open for him because it was the polite thing to do. Dean was taking him out and Castiel had his hands full. Dean was just being nice.
He slid into the passenger seat, arranging the folders carefully on his lap. He wondered if he should leave them in the car while he and Dean ate. Castiel was wary about doing that. He didn’t think there was anything too important in the files, no addresses or anything like that, but he was sure that if Dean’s car was broken into, and the files stolen, he would be in trouble.
It wasn’t the most pressing concern but it gave him something else to focus on as they drove to the diner. Castiel didn’t want to think about the truth he had to tell Dean. It weighed heavy on him. He found it easier to fuss and worry about the files because, in the long run, they hardly mattered at all. Telling Dean about the baby, and his reaction to the news, mattered so much more.
By the time they arrived at the diner, Castiel had decided he would leave the files in the car but put them under the seat. He wanted to give Dean his full attention.
They headed into the diner and Dean nodded at the waitress, smiling at her. Castiel couldn’t help noticing that she was young and pretty.
“Hi, Jo,” he said.
“Hey, Dean, who’s your friend?” she asked.
Dean slung his arm around Castiel’s shoulder, his smile growing just a bit wider.
“This is Cas,” he said.
“Oh!” Jo’s eyes widened and she looked at Castiel again, taking a long, appraising look. Castiel got the feel that Dean might have mentioned him once or twice. Evidentially, Jo liked what she saw because she grinned and motioned them towards one of the booths. “You guys sit here; I’ll get you two beers on the house!”
“Thanks!” Dean said at the same time as Castiel said “Water for me, please.”
Both Dean and Jo looked at him, surprised but Jo shrugged and went off, returning a moment later with a beer for Dean and a glass of water for Castiel.
“Just wave when you’re ready to order,” she said, leaving them alone.
Castiel took a sip of his water. Dean was watching him, looking concerned.
“Are you angry because I told Jo about you?” he asked. “I only told her that I met this great guy called Cas and I wanted to see him again. I didn’t say anything about what we did.”
Castiel shook his head quickly.
“No, it’s fine. I told my friends about you too,” and in a lot more detail, Castiel added privately to himself.
“So you really just wanted water then?” Dean asked.
“Something like that,” Castiel said. He looked at Dean and realized there would probably never be a better opening line. “Dean, I’m pregnant.”
Dean had just taken the first sip of his beer and he choked on it. His eyes widened and for a moment, he looked as if he didn’t believe anything Castiel was saying. Castiel waited for accusations, for Dean to call him a liar.
“I don’t want anything from you,” he said hurriedly. “I don’t want money and you can be as involved or not as you want. I know you’re looking after your brothers and I don’t want to stop you from doing that. I just thought that you should know. I thought I should be the one to tell you.”
“Wow,” Dean said. He looked stunned. “So I’m going to be a dad?”
Castiel nodded.
The smile that lit up Dean’s face was electric.
“I’m going to be a dad!” he said again. “This is amazing. I can’t wait to tell everyone.”
Out of all of the reactions Castiel had considered, this hadn’t been one. He’d hoped that at best, Dean might be cautiously happy. He hadn’t expected the absolute delight that was showing on Dean’s face now.
“You really don’t mind?” he asked.
“Why would I mind? I mean, I know neither of us planned this but we’re having a baby, that’s amazing.”
Castiel didn’t know what to say. He had been waiting for the worst and now he was completely lost for words.
Dean reached across the table and took Castiel’s hand in his.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you gonna let me help you with this? I want to look after you, Cas, you and the baby.”
“If you want to help then you can. You can be as involved as you want,” Castiel said cautiously.
Dean was enthusiastic now but Castiel didn’t want to get his hopes up too high. Dean already had a lot on his plate and a baby would only take up more of his time. He might want to be involved now, he might make promises, but real life might intervene and prevent him from keeping them. Castiel wouldn’t be angry with him if that happened. Dean was already doing so much.
“Great!” Dean said. “You know, Sam’s going to be so excited. He’s always saying how nice you are. Adam’s just gonna be glad he’s not the baby anymore.”
Castiel wondered if this would affect Sam. It was one thing to like Castiel as a teacher, it was another thing entirely to like him as someone involved in Dean’s life. He and Adam might come to resent the baby and Castiel for stealing Dean’s time. They’d already lost their parents. They might fear they were going to lose Dean as well.
Dean seemed to just see a future of happy families but Castiel wasn’t so sure.
Jo wondered back to their table then, looking between them curiously.
“Are you ready to order?” she asked.
Dean turned to look at her, his smile still delighted.
“Hey, Jo, do I get dinner on the house if I tell you I’m going to be a dad?” he asked, squeezing Castiel’s hand tightly in his own.
“Oh god,” Jo said, looking completely dumbfounded.
Castiel thought he knew exactly how she felt.
**
The Next Day:
“Mr Novak?”
Castiel looked up from the papers he was grading. He was behind in his work. He’d ended up staying out later than he’d meant to with Dean. They’d just talked and then Dean had driven him home, but Castiel hadn’t been able to sleep for a long time. He’d been too excited. Everything felt new and frightening but there were a lot of positives too.
Dean seemed to want to be involved in the baby’s life. He also seemed to want to be involved with Castiel. He’d held his hand all the way through dinner, shooting him little glances, grinning at him. They hadn’t talked about their relationship, it was still early days, but Castiel knew that spark was still there and still strong.
Castiel was hopeful that with some time, things might work out between them. Now, looking up at the soft spoken boy who’d interrupted him, Castiel reminded himself that things weren’t that simple. Dean had responsibilities. One of those responsibilities was standing in front of him right now.
Sam was blushing and he couldn’t meet Castiel’s eye. He was staring down at his shoes, intently examining them. Castiel knew immediately that Dean must have told him. He felt his stomach flip unpleasantly. It was lunch time. Sam should have been out eating or at least horsing around with his friends. He shouldn’t have been trying to steal a few private moments alone to talk to Castiel, not unless something was bothering him.
“Is everything alright, Sam?” Castiel asked quietly.
He’d been dreading this. He knew that Sam would have to find out eventually but it made everything so hard. Castiel wished he could have been there when Dean told him. He wished he could have reassured Sam that this didn’t mean his life would change but Dean had taken that choice out of his hands.
Sam glanced up at him, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. He nodded.
“Yeah, I just…Dean said that you were pregnant and I wanted to know if it was true?”
This was more awkward than Castiel had been prepared for. He put down his pen and pushed the papers he was grading away from him. He wanted to give Sam his full attention.
“Yes, it is. I’m four months along. I’d rather you didn’t make the rest of the class aware of it, especially not the fact that Dean is the father.”
Sam breathed out shakily, nodding his head again.
“I thought he was joking,” he said. “Dean has a really bad sense of humour. He said he took you out for dinner and you were pregnant.”
“He has a way with words, certainly,” Castiel said dryly.
Sam looked up at him, a shy smile breaking out across his face.
“So, I’m going to be an uncle?” he asked.
His smile was beautiful and for a moment, Castiel was struck by how similar it was to Dean’s. He hoped that his baby would inherit that smile.
“Yes,” he said. “In a few months, you will be.”
“Oh good,” Sam said. “I hope it’s a girl.”
Castiel smiled. The Winchesters seemed to be constantly surprising him. Their enthusiasm and delight was reassuring. Castiel felt he and the baby would be welcome.
“What does Adam think?” he asked lightly.
He had been planning to go by Gabriel’s class room a little later and ask to borrow some glue, but really it was because he’d wanted Adam pointed out to him. It felt strange to know Sam and Dean but not their other brother.
“Oh, he’s really pleased. Uh, he’s probably told everyone in his class that there’s going to be a baby,” Sam said, looking concerned.
“I suppose it’s not something I can really keep a secret for that much longer,” Castiel said thoughtfully.
Dean had said that Adam was six. That was too young really to know that you were going to be an uncle and not want to tell everyone. It must have been exciting news for him. Dean had said that Adam would be pleased.
“So, I can tell people?” Sam asked.
Castiel nodded. He knew that eventually everything would be public. Dean had forced his hand a bit but Castiel hadn’t done anything wrong. His class might have questions and he’d have to answer them but that was only natural.
Sam smiled at him again.
“I’m really glad you and Dean are together. You’re my favourite teacher.”
Castiel smiled softly. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Where he and Dean together now? They were having the baby together but they weren’t a couple. Or did Dean want them to be? Had he told his brothers that they were?
Castiel really wouldn’t mind if Dean did want them to be a couple.
**
Dean was waiting at the school gates when Castiel finished and he got his first glimpse of Adam, held in Dean’s arms. He was a blond haired boy with rosy cheeks and blue eyes. He was completely cherubic and Castiel wondered if he could really be as lovely as he looked. There was no sign of Sam around as far as Castiel could see.
“Hi!” Dean called to him. “I hope you don’t mind, but we waited for you. Adam wanted to meet you. Sam’s in the car, says you gave them some homework and he wants to get started on it.”
Castiel nodded.
“I did give them a little question sheet to work on,” he said.
Adam was staring at him. Castiel felt as if he was under intense scrutiny. Then Adam frowned, looking hurt as if Castiel had done something on purpose to upset him.
“You don’t look pregnant,” the little boy said angrily. “Where’s your bump?”
Dean laughed at Castiel’s shocked expression and the frank statement from Adam.
“The baby will grow. It’s just little at the moment,” he said.
Adam considered this thoughtfully then nodded.
“But it’s still going to be smaller than me, right? Because it’s the baby?” he asked.
“Yeah, you’re going to be a big grown up boy when the baby comes. You’re going to have to help us look after him,” Dean said.
“Her,” Castiel said quickly.
Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“You know already?”
“No,” Castiel said, shaking his head. “Sam wants it to be a girl and I wouldn’t mind a girl.”
“Me and Adam will be on team boy then,” Dean said, smiling.
“No! I want a girl too,” Adam said, smacking Dean on the shoulder.
“You’re a brat,” Dean said, putting Adam down and ruffling his hair. “Don’t hit people.”
Adam ran towards Castiel. He reached up, uninvited, and put his hand on Castiel’s stomach. Castiel thought he was decidedly less cherubic in nature than in looks. He smiled widely up at Castiel and Castiel grudgingly admitted he was rather sweet.
“I’m going to be a good uncle,” Adam said. “I think you should have a girl. When will the baby start kicking?”
“Not for a while yet,” Castiel said.
Adam sighed.
“It’s not fun now, is it?”
“No, not really,” Castiel agreed, thinking about the aches and pains and nausea that made up his day.
Dean laughed again.
“Do you want a lift home, Cas?” he asked.
“Is Castiel coming home with us?” Adam asked excitedly. “You can share my room if you like. I have dinosaur bed sheets.”
Dean grabbed Adam from behind, lifting him up as the boy squealed. He hugged Adam tightly to his chest and started tickling him.
“If Cas is staying in anyone’s room, it’s mine!” he said.
Adam kept squealing, the noise high and filled with glee. Castiel wondered how long Dean had been looking after him. Both Adam and Sam seemed so happy, so well adjusted. They didn’t seem like children who’d lost their parents. Dean had filled the void. He couldn’t replace their parents, but he could do everything in his power to make his brothers lives as normal as possible and it was obvious he did.
Dean stopped tickling Adam and looked at Castiel. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes bright. He looked so beautiful.
“Why don’t you?” he asked abruptly.
Castiel blinked owlishly at him, completely confused.
“Why don’t I do what?”
“Move in with us. You don’t have to stay in my room, I know that would be a bit of an imposition, but we’ve got a big house and I said I wanted to help out.”
Castiel hadn’t been expecting Dean to propose they moved in together. They hardly knew each other. They were having a baby together but that didn’t mean they should live under one roof.
“Dean, I don’t think…” he started.
“You should live with us!” Adam said.
“Adam, hush,” Dean said quickly. “Look, Cas, it’s just an idea. You don’t have to do it. I just want you to know that the option is open. I’ll look after you if you need me to.”
“I’ll think about,” Castiel said.
Dean nodded. “I should get you home,” he said.
The drive to Castiel’s apartment seemed to be over too quickly for Castiel’s liking. Adam narrated his day at school, continuing even after Dean threatened to turn on the radio and drown him out. Castiel found himself relaxing into the passenger seat, feeling safe and contented as Adam’s happy babbling washed over him. When they reached his building, Dean told Sam to watch Adam and walked Castiel up the front steps.
“Do think about it,” he said, leaning in to give Castiel a kiss on the cheek.
There was a wolf-whistle from the car. Sam had wound his window down and was grinning at them. Dean waved his fist at him in a threatening manner and then shrugged apologetically.
“I can’t take them anywhere,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Cas. Drive you home again?”
“I’d like that,” Castiel agreed, his cheeks pink.
He stood on the stoop and waved as the car sped off. It was so easily to imagine that he could fit in to Dean’s life. It was so easy to want to be with him. He was charming, sweet-natured. He loved his brothers and they clearly loved him to.
Castiel just couldn’t believe that things would be that easy. He couldn’t believe that he could slip into their life and be a part of it. Castiel had fallen pregnant by accident. He and Dean weren’t fated to be together.
They wouldn’t just move in together and fall in love. That was something out of a fairy tale. Castiel lived in the real world and in the real world, a baby wouldn’t bring them closer, it would push them apart.
**
Castiel woke up that night soaked in sweat. He’d gone to bed early and fallen asleep almost immediately. He’d had an emotional couple of days and he was exhausted. He was awake now though and he knew something was wrong. His thighs felt sticky and wet. Castiel reached down, touching the wetness and bought his fingers back up to look at the substance that coated them.
It was blood.
Castiel staggered out of bed. He reached for the phone, calling first Dean and then a taxi. He tried to focus on getting dressed, pulling on sweat pants and a big jumper. He jammed his feet into the first shoes he found.
He got himself downstairs and waited for the taxi. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. Castiel wished he was back in Dean’s car, back that afternoon when everything had seemed so good and Castiel could almost fool himself that everything would work out. Now he might be losing the baby and if that happened, Castiel was sure he would lose Dean too.
Dean was waiting for him at the hospital. Castiel had no idea how Dean had managed to reach it so fast. Dean took his hand and helped him inside. There was a nurse there with a wheelchair. Castiel was told to sit and wheeled upstairs. Dean stayed at his side, his face set and grim. Castiel wondered if he had come to this hospital after the accident. He didn’t know if Dean’s father had been killed outright or if there had been some hope. Had Dean come to this same hospital and watched someone’s life slip away? And now he could be watching as Castiel lost their baby.
They ended up in a little private room, Castiel stretched out on the bed while blood tests were run. The doctor visited Castiel to ask about his symptoms and Castiel tried to describe them as best he could. He couldn’t think straight. He was told he needed to rest and that they would need to perform an ultrasound as well as blood tests. Someone would be with him shortly. Then, they were left alone.
“It’s going to be okay,” Dean said, forcing a smile to his face.
“But what if it isn’t?” Castiel asked.
He felt as if they were doing nothing. He was sure he should be on a drip or something. He didn’t want to wait for the ultrasound. He didn’t want to see the baby dead or just completely gone, miscarried, but he didn’t want to wait around either. He wanted to know if the worst had happened. It was so sudden, so unfair.
“Castiel, it’s going to be okay,” Dean said. “You need to relax. It won’t do the baby any good if you get worried.”
“But…”
“Cas, until the doctors say otherwise, you could still be pregnant. You need to look after yourself and the baby,” Dean said softly. “I’m going to be with you every step of the way. It’s going to be okay.”
Castiel wanted to be reassured. He wanted to believe Dean. He just knew that if the baby died, Dean wouldn’t be around anymore. He’d have no reason to want to see Castiel.
“What’s wrong?” Dean asked. He looked so concerned.
“You’re only here because of the baby,” Castiel said, hating himself even as he said the words. “If it dies, why would you care about me anymore?”
Dean sighed, sitting down on the bed beside Castiel. He stroked his fingers over Castiel’s cheek and leant forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“Don’t you understand? I’m here because of you, Cas. I was looking for you before I knew about the baby. I want this baby, but I want you too. I want us to be together, Castiel. I know it’s stupid and impulsive, but damn it, everything we’ve done together is stupid and impulsive, so why not this?”
Castiel didn’t know what to say. His mouth was dry and his heart was pounding. He reached up and cupped Dean’s cheek in his hand, pulling the man towards him so he could kiss him properly. It wasn’t perfect. Most people wouldn’t move in together after what amounted to two dates but they weren’t most people. Castiel knew that being with Dean was the right thing to do.
There was a soft noise, the sound of someone clearing their throat, and they broke apart. The nurse from before was back, along with the wheel chair.
“We can do the ultrasound now,” she said.
Castiel gripped Dean’s hand tightly. He and Dean might be fine, but the baby might not be. They might have found each other, only to lose it and Castiel didn’t think he could stand that. Dean helped him out of the bed and to the chair. Castiel focused on Dean, on his presence there, solid and reassuring as he was wheeled down another set of corridors and into another room.
Cool gel was smeared on Castiel stomach and he had to lie down again. He turned his head away from the screen, unable to stand to look. Dean stroked a hand through his hair, whispering soft, comforting words. Castiel could hardly hear what Dean was saying, his heart was beating so loudly, but he found Dean’s voice soothing, a rock he could cling to in the rushing anxiety that was threatening to overwhelm him.
“Baby looks fine,” the radiologist said, his voice cutting through Castiel’s thoughts. Castiel looked up, turning his head so he could look at the screen.
“Really?” he asked, almost unable to believe it. “Why am I bleeding then?”
“There could be a few reasons. It’s normal for there to be a little bleeding during pregnancy. Your body is changing, Castiel. That’s the most likely explanation. I can’t see anything wrong on this scan. Your blood work should be able to tell us more, but it seems that the baby isn’t in any danger. You’re not miscarrying.”
“Thank god,” Dean muttered.
Castiel glanced up at him and he saw that Dean had tears in his eyes. He brushed them away quickly but Castiel had still seen them. Dean had cared, he’d worried too but he’d kept that bottled up for Castiel. He’d put Castiel first.
“Everything seems fine. We can send you back to your room now and we’ll get those blood tests sorted. You’ll need to stay in for observation and I don’t think bed rest is a bad idea, but hopefully you should be able to go home soon.”
“That’s good,” Castiel said.
He gingerly placed a hand on his stomach. He had grown so attached to the baby already. He loved it more than he could put into words. He had hopes for it, for the life they would have together, for the future his baby would have and he had never been more scared than he was when he thought he was losing it.
“Will you let me take care of you now?” Dean asked, leaning closer to him, his voice hushed. “I can take you home, cook for you, clean for you. I’ll look after you and you can order around Sam and Adam too.”
“I have a cat, her name is Meg” Castiel said quickly. He couldn’t give her up. She’d have to come with him. Dean would have to understand that. If Castiel moved in with him, then his cat was coming too.
“Oh,” Dean said, looking surprised. “I have a slight allergy to cats. It’s okay. I’ll get some anti-histamine and we’ll be good to go.” He smiled at Castiel. “Now I understand why my eyes were watering when I woke up at your place.”
The radiologist coughed politely, interrupting them. Castiel shifted, feeling suddenly embarrassed. He knew that the radiologist probably saw a lot worse than this, most hospital employees did, they saw people in all stages of life and sometimes covered in blood. Still, that didn’t mean the radiologist wanted to listen to Castiel and Dean plan their future together, especially as it was becoming apparent they hardly knew each other.
“Let’s get you back to your room,” Dean said.
He helped Castiel down from the examination table and back into the wheel chair. He nodded goodbye to the radiologist and wheeled Castiel out of the room, back into the corridor.
“I need to call home” he said. “I need to tell Sam that everything’s okay, and then I’m going to stay with you, alright?”
“Are they on their own?” Castiel asked.
He didn’t like the idea of Adam and Sam left on their own without someone to watch them. He understood that Dean had been worried, that he wanted to be with Castiel, but he needed to go home to his brother’s. Castiel was fine now. He could cope.
Dean shook his head.
“No, I got a friend to watch them. He understands what’s going on. Sam just…he gets nervous when there’s a phone call late at night. I had to tell him why I was going out and why Benny was coming over.”
“Did the accident happen at night?” Castiel asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Dean said with a sigh. “I got the phone call. They’d just been out to dinner. I think my dad had had too much to drink. Kate was killed instantly but they bought Dad in here. I thought he might pull through but he took a turn for the worse, died suddenly.”
Dean’s voice was thick with emotion. He sounded as if he was having trouble getting the words out. Castiel couldn’t even begin to imagine it. Dean was still so young himself. In the blink of an eye, the accident had changed his whole life. He’d suddenly gained the guardianship of both of his brothers. He’d lost his father. He’d been left struggling to adjust to a new situation he should never have had to face.
No wonder he’d taken the news of the baby so well. Castiel was carrying the future. He was carrying Dean’s family, Dean’s son or daughter. Everything in Dean’s life had been thrown into turmoil with the car accident but now things were getting better. Dean had lost people and they could never be replaced, but his life was turning a corner and there would be new people for him to love.
“You should call home,” Castiel said, half turning so he could look up at Dean. “I can get myself back.”
“You’ve been told you need bed rest. I’m not letting you out of this chair until I can lift you into that bed myself,” Dean said.
He stopped and bent down, kissing Castiel quickly. It was a soft kiss, chaste and sweet. It made Castiel feel as if they were a real couple.
“And when we leave here,” Dean continued. “I’m packing up your apartment and your cat and you’re moving in with me.”
“I can’t wait,” Castiel said, smiling.
He rubbed his hand over his stomach, over the small bump there. He could let Dean take care of him. He could let himself fall for Dean. This might be the wrong way around – Castiel had always envisaged that he’d fall in love, then get pregnant – but he was happy. He wanted to be part of Dean’s life and part of his family.
The fear of losing the baby had shown him what was most important to him. Being with Dean, raising the baby with him, that was what Castiel wanted.
He was lucky because it looked as if he was going to get a chance to have it.
**
The blood tests came back normal. The baby was fine; Castiel had been in no danger of miscarrying. It had been typical pregnancy bleeding according to the doctor. Castiel’s body was changing; making itself more hospitable to the baby he was carrying. Castiel had read about bleeding during pregnancy and the books had stressed that it might be normal but Castiel hadn’t thought about that when he woke up alone. He’d only thought about losing the baby.
His doctor promised Castiel that the baby was thriving. The baby was exactly where it should be in its development. It was a little bigger than the doctor had expected but seeing who the father was, the doctor had said glancing at Dean and sizing him up, that wasn’t surprising. The doctor advised taking things easy and resting whenever possible and then Castiel was discharged.
He went home in Dean’s car. They stopped by his apartment long enough for Castiel to catch his cat in her cat basket and pack a small bag full of essentials. Dean would go back later to get the rest. Then, they drove on to Dean’s house.
Dean hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he lived in a big house. There would certainly be enough room for Castiel and the baby. It was a two story house, a new build by the look of it with a garage and driveway. There was a garden out back, fenced off. From what Castiel could see of it, it didn’t look as if there was any order to the garden. There seemed to be a lot of wild flowers growing free in it. His fingers itched to pull out the weeds and start putting a little order into the track of land. He wondered if Dean and his doctor would accept gardening as stress relief.
“When we got the pay out from the life insurance I sold dad’s old house and bought this,” Dean said, pulling in to the driveway. “I wanted the boys to have somewhere new. I wanted it to be a new start for us all.”
He stopped the car, pulling the keys from the ignition.
“If you ever think this is a mistake, you can move out. I just want you to be okay,” he said softly, not looking at Castiel.
“I want this,” Castiel said, reaching out to take Dean’s hand.
“I’m so glad I picked you up,” Dean said, turning to look at him, his smile radiant.
He leaned across and kissed Castiel softly. There was a hissing noise from the back seat and a rattle as Castiel’s cat tried to break free from her box. Castiel broke the kiss, laughing softly. He’d never known her be jealous before but it sounded like she was now.
“Sam’s going to be pleased,” Dean said, laughing as well. “He’s always wanted a pet. He’s more of a dog person but he likes all animals.”
“He’s not allergic?”
“No and neither is Adam, it’s just me,” Dean said with an exaggerated sigh. “Just me who has to suffer.”
The front door opened then and Sam sprinted out, running towards the car. Castiel caught a glimpse of Adam’s blond curls behind him, Adam in the arms of a large, bearded man wearing sunglasses. He didn’t know why, but when he’d pictured Dean’s friend Benny, he hadn’t pictured someone who looked like that. He looked more like a bodyguard than a babysitter, but maybe that was what Dean thought his brother’s needed, someone to make them feel safe.
Sam reached the car just as Dean rolled down his window. Sam leaned in through the open window. He opened his mouth to say something, but then his attention was caught by the cat basket in the back seat.
“Is that a cat? Are we getting a cat?” he asked.
“It’s Cas’s cat,” Dean said. “Cas is moving in with us and so is the cat.”
“I’ve done my homework,” Sam said automatically.
Castiel laughed.
“I’m not going to test you, Sam.”
“Yeah,” Dean said, wrapping his arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “Think of Cas like a stepmom, not a teacher.”
“I still can’t believe you got my teacher pregnant,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.
Castiel squirmed in his seat. He couldn’t help feeling embarrassed. He still felt he was being unprofessional, even though he hadn’t known who Dean was when he’d slept with him. Castiel wished that Sam wasn’t in his class, but he was and that was just something they were going to have to deal with. He was certain that at school he and Sam wouldn’t let it interfere.
“Have you got any bags I can carry?” Sam asked. “I could take in the cat!”
“He’s like a stepford kid, I swear,” Dean said. “He’s so helpful and polite. I don’t know where he got it from.”
Between the three of them, they got Castiel’s things out of the car. Dean carried the heaviest bag, filled with Castiel’s clothes while Sam had a little bag filled with things for the cat. Castiel took Meg, reasoning that she wouldn’t like moving to a new home with new people and she’d prefer to be around him.
“There’s a guest bedroom upstairs,” Dean said. “We can set up her litter tray and some food in there. She can stay up there and get settled in.”
“Is that my room then?” Castiel asked as they headed upstairs.
“It can be,” Dean said, wiggling his eyebrows. “But my room is right next door.”
The guestroom was lovely. It wasn’t very big but it was just enough. There was a wardrobe, a chest of draws and a bed with freshly laundered sheets. Dean smiled as he put the suitcase down.
“I see Benny’s been cleaning up again,” he said. “He’ll make someone a good housewife one day.”
They shut the door and Castiel let Meg out of her basket. She sniffed at Dean then made a run for the dark, inviting safety of under the bed. Dean helped Castiel set out her food, water and her box and he helped him to put away his clothes.
“If you do want me for any reason, I am right next door,” he said when they’d finished.
“I know,” Castiel said, moving so he was standing in front of Dean. He tipped his head up and pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips. “Let me get settled in. I’m skittish too.”
“Okay,” Dean agreed, his hands going to Castiel’s hips, holding him close.
There was a noise downstairs and Sam called up “Hey! We made lunch!”
Dean pulled away from Castiel with a sigh. “Guess we should go down and find out what they made us,” he said. “Hopefully Benny didn’t let them get too creative.”
Castiel nodded. He wished they could stay upstairs together, spend a little time just kissing, exploring each other slowly in a way they had never been able to before. It wasn’t going to happen now though. He and Dean weren’t alone. Castiel was joining Dean’s family and they were eager to welcome him.
Maybe later he and Dean would get a little time alone and they’d be able to connect again like they’d done on the night they first met.
**
By the second day, Castiel had managed to get outside into the garden. He knew that Dean was watching him through the kitchen window, making sure that he wasn’t doing anything too strenuous, but Castiel could deal with that. So far, all he’d done was potter about and pull out the most offensive looking weeds.
The grass needed someone to mow it but that person wasn’t Castiel. If some time was spent on the garden, it could be very lovely. Castiel was already thinking about what he could plant out. He didn’t know how long he’d be staying with Dean and he didn’t want to make any presumptions, but he had always wanted a garden of his own. He’d only managed a window box in his apartment, but he’d dreamed of the things he could do with a big garden and he had a lot of plans now.
He bent down to tug on another weed and heard the back door open.
“I don’t think this is what the doctor meant we he said rest, Castiel!” Dean called.
Castiel glanced over his shoulder. He could count on his hand the number of times Dean had called him Castiel. It sounded odd coming from his lips, strict and sharp. Dean was standing in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest, watching Castiel nervously.
“He also said light exercise would be good for me and the baby,” Castiel said, heaving at the weed, trying to make sure it came out roots and all. “Gardening is light exercise.”
He pulled hard, straightening up and gasped loudly. He’d felt a movement, a little kick against his stomach. It was light and new but he’d certainly felt it.
“What? What’s wrong?” Dean asked.
He was at Castiel’s side in an instant, a hand pressed to the small of his back, ready to support him if Castiel needed it. He looked terrified.
“It’s okay,” Castiel said quickly. He grabbed hold of Dean’s free hand and pressed it against his stomach. “The baby just kicked. It’s the first time I’ve felt it.”
“Do you think he’ll do it again?” Dean asked.
Castiel frowned at him. “She,” he corrected.
“Do you think she’ll do it again then?” Dean said, rolling his eyes.
“I don’t know,” Castiel said softly. “The baby books all say that she won’t move very much at first.”
“Right, well, I think she was trying to tell you she isn’t a gardening fan,” Dean said. “Come on, I want you to sit down.”
Castiel allowed himself to be lead into the house and into the living room. Dean got him to sit down on the couch and then settled down beside him.
“Do you mind if I touch?” he asked, his hand hovering above Castiel’s stomach.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” Castiel said.
He was pleased that Dean had asked, that he hadn’t assumed. They were still establishing what the boundaries of their relationship would be.
Dean gently placed his hand on Castiel’s stomach. He leaned in closer and said softly “Hello, little one, this is your daddy.”
Castiel looked at him, about to tell him he doubted the baby could hear him, let alone understand what was being said when he felt another little kick.
“Oh,” he said, his eyes wide in surprise.
Dean looked up at him, grinning.
“She knows the sound of her daddy’s voice already,” he said proudly.
There was a bond already. Castiel saw it in the way Dean’s eyes had lit up when the baby kicked. He heard it in the way Dean’s voice softened when he talked about the baby. Their baby knew who its parents were. It knew the people who loved it so fiercely already and it loved them back.
**
A week Later:
Dean said that the house was as much Castiel’s now as it was anyone’s. Castiel lived there too and he’s allowed to invite people over. Eventually, after much hounding from both sides, Castiel took him up on his offer and invited Anna and Gabriel over for dinner.
They were both impeccably behaved throughout dinner. Sam managed to get himself invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house so he wasn’t there and Adam had dinner when he got home from school – homemade chicken nuggets and potato wedges – before Dean bribed him with a chocolate milkshake if he’d go to bed early. It was an adults only meal and a chance for Anna and Gabriel to meet Dean.
He answered all their questions, threw out a few of his own and topped up everyone’s drinks.
Dean cooked a delicious rib of beef with fried greens and some more of those potato wedges. At the end of dinner, Dean offered to get started on the washing up, suggesting that Castiel take Anna and Gabriel into the living room.
The moment the kitchen door was shut; Gabriel whistled and looked enviously at Castiel.
“I need to start getting knocked up by strange men in bars!” he said.
“Gabriel!” Castiel hissed, his face flushing.
“What? He’s hot, he loves kids, he cooks.” Gabriel shook his head. “It’s just not fair, Cas. I’m older, I should have got him.”
“He didn’t go home with you, he went home with Castiel,” Anna said, sitting down on the sofa. She grinned at Castiel. “Are you happy, Castiel?”
Castiel sat down slowly in the armchair across from her. He hadn’t really had time to think about it. It had felt like a whirlwind, the fear of losing the baby, moving in with Dean, getting used to having other people underfoot. He couldn’t say he was settled yet but he could see how he could be.
“I am,” he said, smiling back at her. “Dean’s really good to me.”
“And hot!” Gabriel said with a sigh. “How old did you say he was again?”
“Twenty-six,” Castiel said.
“So hot,” Gabriel muttered, shaking his head.
“You’re too old for him,” Anna said.
“I can dream,” Gabriel defended himself.
Castiel was glad that they both seemed to like Dean. Having his friends’ approval made things easier. Castiel hadn’t known how they’d react when he told them he was moving in with a man he barely knew, but both Anna and Gabriel had been prepared to accept the idea on prevision that they got to meet him. Knowing that they both liked Dean made it a lot easier for Castiel to relax.
He’d wanted them to like Dean because he liked Dean.
He liked him more than he could really say.
**
Two Days Later:
Castiel didn’t know what it said about Dean’s living arrangements, but he wasn’t surprised when he wondered into the kitchen one morning to find Dean missing and his friend Benny sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee.
Castiel had met Benny briefly the day he’d moved in but they hadn’t spoken very much at the time. Castiel wondered where Dean was, but the baby was demanding orange juice so he fetched himself a glass before he said hello to Benny. The juice hit the spot and Castiel sank down into one of the kitchen chairs.
“Dean had to go out,” Benny said, putting down his cup. “I can’t believe you all sleep in so late.”
“I’m having a baby,” Castiel said. He thought it was a perfectly good explanation for why he wasn’t up before.
Benny smiled.
“Doesn’t explain the boys,” he said.
“Where is Dean?” Castiel asked, changing the subject.
“He didn’t say. He just said he didn’t want to wake you up and would I mind coming over. I never mind,” Benny said.
Castiel stared at him. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable.
“How long have you known Dean?” he asked.
“A long time, since school,” Benny answered.
Castiel bit his tongue. He wanted to ask why Benny came over so quickly. He wanted to ask if Benny was in love with Dean but the words stuck in his throat. He might be having Dean’s baby but that didn’t mean he could just start swinging accusations around. He was nervous, hormonal and it wasn’t fair of him to suddenly get possessive over Dean because of it.
Benny regarded him coolly from across the table.
“If you’re thinking we’re close, we are, but not the way you might be expecting. We’re like brothers. When Dean’s dad died, I helped him out. He was struggling. It’s hard bring up kids, organising funerals, sorting out bills and stuff. I just stepped in to give him some free time to do the hard stuff and I’ve kept doing it ever since.”
“Oh,” Castiel said. It came out like a sigh of relief.
“He took it real hard when his dad died,” Benny continued. “He might have gone off the rails if it wasn’t for Sammy and Adam. He had to keep going for them. Dean always puts family first.”
Castiel nodded slowly.
“I wouldn’t ever want to come between them,” he said.
He had the feeling that Benny was testing him. It was odd. He couldn’t say that Benny didn’t like him, but there was certainly an element of uncertainty there. It was like he didn’t know what to make of Castiel.
“I thought he was crazy when he said he’d got some guy pregnant and wanted him to move in,” Benny said. “But you seem decent enough. You’ve got a job at least.”
“Um, thank you,” Castiel said, not sure that was actually a compliment Benny was paying him.
“You’re the first person he’s been really interested in since the accident happened,” Benny said thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. “And if Dean likes you, you must be something special.”
“Is this the part where you tell me if I hurt him, you’ll cut my heart out?” Castiel asked.
Benny laughed.
“Something like that. I was just saying that if Dean likes you, I like you too.”
“You have an odd way of showing someone you like them,” Castiel said.
“I’ll learn to like you,” Benny amended. “We can both do it, for Dean’s sake.”
“Okay,” Castiel agreed.
Benny got up, pushing his chair back and stretched. He was huge, a big bear of a man. Castiel was glad that they’d got the formalities out of the way before Benny got up because otherwise he might have felt a little intimidated by him. As it was, he thought Benny was more of a gentle giant. His growl was worse than his bite.
“I’m making breakfast. I’ve got to try and wake those lazy kids up. You want something?” Benny asked.
“Maybe some toast?” Castiel suggested.
He didn’t want to put Benny to any trouble. Asking for a big breakfast seemed like pushing his luck, especially as he and Benny were on tentative ground at the moment.
“You just told me you’re growing a baby, you need more than toast,” Benny said, aghast.
He ended up making hash browns, sausages, fried toast and mushrooms, all of the ingredients dug out of the back of Dean’s fridge and freezer. Castiel had to admit, it was delicious and a lot better for the baby than just toast on its own would have been. The food was so good; the smell of it even woke the sleeping boys up.
Dean came in towards the end of breakfast, pinched a sausage from Sam’s plate, ruffled Adam’s hair and kissed Castiel on the cheek. It was oddly domestic and Castiel avoided Benny’s gaze, feeling that he might not appreciate the easy affection with which Dean greeted him.
“Where were you?” Adam asked.
Dean sat down in the chair next to Castiel, shooting Benny a quick look.
“I didn’t say anything,” Benny said. “I wouldn’t even tell Castiel where you were.”
Dean sighed.
“I can’t really keep any secrets from you lot, can I? I went to visit dad’s grave. I told him about Cas and the baby,” he said, reaching out to take Castiel’s hand under the table. He gave it a light squeeze. “I wanted him to know that something good is happening.”
“Okay,” Adam said, the answer satisfying him.
Sam frowned.
“We could have come too,” he said.
“I wanted to go on my own,” Dean said quietly. “I’ll take you guys next time. I just needed some time to talk to him on my own.”
“Did he say anything?” Adam asked, looking up from sticking his mushrooms into his fried toast.
“Yeah,” Dean said, smiling. “He said I was a lucky son of a gun.”
Sam snorted, digging in to his breakfast and Castiel felt the tension at the table ease. Dean was full of surprises but Castiel found he liked that about him. The fact that Dean wanted to tell his father about him, about the baby, made Castiel happy although he couldn’t describe exactly why. He hoped that one day, Dean would let him visit the grave with him. Maybe when the baby was born, they could show the baby off to its grandfather together. Castiel hoped that Dean’s father would have liked him.
Gently, he squeezed Dean’s hand back, locking their fingers together. He ate the remainder of his breakfast with one hand.
**
There was a gentle knocking on his door the next morning.
It was a light tap but Castiel was sleeping lightly now that he was pregnant. He was tired more often, he liked to lie down in the afternoon, but he didn’t sleep for a long time. The growing bump made finding a comfortable position hard. That wasn’t the only issue though. Castiel was feeling too hot to stay bundled up in bed sheets for too long and normally, when he’d managed to settle down, he had to get right up again to go to the bathroom and pee.
Castiel struggled out of bed, disturbing Meg who’d been asleep on his feet, heading to the door. He thought it might be Adam who was knocking. Adam seemed to have decided he liked Castiel more than Dean for the moment and demanded Castiel put plasters on his scraped knees or read him bedtime stories. Castiel was sure it was only because he was novelty and once Adam got used to him, his interest would wear off. Still, it allowed Castiel to get used to having a small child around. Even though he was a teacher, he’d always wanted to work with older children. Kids like Adam or ones even younger were a mystery to him.
Castiel opened his bedroom door, surprised to find Dean standing there. He was already dressed.
“What time is it?” he asked, feeling disorientated.
Dean checked his watch. “Nearly nine, I just dropped the boys off at school. I was wondering if you wanted to go out. There’s somewhere I want to take you and I’d buy you breakfast while we’re out.”
Castiel licked his lips. The breakfast he’d eaten the day before, the one Benny had cooked for him, had been delicious and Castiel was really hungry now that Dean mentioned it.
“Okay,” he said. “Give me a moment to get dressed and drag a brush through my hair.”
“Great,” Dean said.
He straightened up, grinning brightly and Castiel was suddenly aware just how hunched and nervous he’d appeared before. It wasn’t like Dean. He was usually so confident and breezy. Wherever they were going, it was obviously important to Dean.
“I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready,” Dean said.
Castiel went back into his room, shutting the door behind him. Meg was sitting up, washing herself delicately with one paw. Castiel shrugged off his pyjamas and pulled on the loosest pair of pants he had on hand. He’d have to go shopping soon. Castiel had resisted buy new clothes as he’d only need them when he was pregnant, but it was becoming apparent that he’d just have to bite the bullet and go clothes shopping.
He grabbed a shirt and a jacket, slipping on some shoes before inspecting himself. He didn’t look amazing but he doubted Dean was going to take him anywhere fancy. Dean liked little family run diners. Those weren’t the sort of places that had a dress code.
Picking up his hairbrush from the top of the chest of draws, Castiel attempted to smooth his hair down but some bits stuck up irrespective of how much he brushed. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair to try and make it look artfully ruffled and left it at that.
Meg was looking at him disdainfully from the bed, lapping at her leg.
“It’s easy for you,” Castiel said to her. “You’re a cat. All you do all day is groom yourself.”
Meg continued to wash herself and Castiel conceded that he was never going to win a fight with his cat. Confident he had everything he needed, he headed quickly to the bathroom and then went downstairs to join Dean.
Dean was leaning against the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in his hand. There was a plate of crusts next to the sink, a knife coated in butter and breakfast bowls, all ready to be washed up.
“Adam isn’t eating crusts this week,” Dean said by way of explanation. “I had to cut them off his sandwiches for school.”
Castiel put his hand on his bump.
“Do you think our baby is going to be as picky?” he asked.
“It’s not pickiness. It’s just a phase. Sam had some really weird phases. He hated peas,” Dean said, grinning. “I was just as bad. Apparently there was a time when all I wanted to eat was apple sauce.”
“I always just ate what was put in front of me,” Castiel said, a little stiffly.
“You were weird then,” Dean said, pulling a face. He finished his cup of coffee and poured the dregs of it away in the sink. “Right, let’s go.”
The sun was still only just beginning to warm up as they drove through town. It wouldn’t be a terrible hot day and Castiel was glad of that. It was hard enough being pregnant without being uncomfortably hot as well. He seemed to sweat more now. It wasn’t something he could remember anyone ever mentioning before he got pregnant. Everyone went on about morning sickness and stretch marks, but no one mentioned sweating and needing to sit down every few minutes because it was so exhausting.
The first few weeks after he’d been sent home from the hospital, Castiel had thought everyone was over reacting. He didn’t need Dean’s help. He didn’t need to take early paternity leave from his job. He just needed everyone to stop fussing. Then, he began to take stock of how much Dean actually did for him and how hard it was to do those things on his own and he had to admit, moving in with Dean had been a good idea.
They drove half-way across town before Dean took a turning that led them somewhere Castiel had never visited before. The whole area was unfamiliar to him. They were driving away from houses and people, towards the outskirts. Castiel recognized the cemetery when he saw it. It was fenced off and Dean had to drive them up to the gates. The gates themselves were large and black, imposing and sombre. Despite himself, Castiel shivered.
“Is this where your dad is buried?” he asked quietly.
Dean shook his head.
“No, that’s…he’s on the other side of town. This is where my mum is.”
“Oh,” Castiel said quietly.
Dean had never talked about his mother before. Castiel hadn’t asked. She could have been alive, but somehow Castiel had doubted that. She would have wanted custody of Sam, wouldn’t she? At least, she would have if she was still alive. Dean was still in many ways a mystery to Castiel. They lived together, Castiel trusted him but he knew very little about him. He didn’t know an awful lot about Dean’s past. Now he wondered how much of Dean’s young life had been marked with tragedy.
They drove into the car park and Dean found a space with ease. There was only one other car there. He turned off the engine and for a moment two of them sat in silence. Dean was gripping the steering wheel hard.
“My mum died when I was fourteen,” he said quietly. “Sammy was a few months old. It was a house fire. Faulty wiring upstairs. My mum thought Sam was in his crib, she went back to save him and got trapped.”
Castiel nodded. He didn’t know what to say. It was horrible.
“My dad had Sam downstairs with him, he’d taken him down to make up a bottle for him but mum didn’t know that, she’d been asleep. When the fire started, he got Sam out. My mum, it was her and me upstairs and she made me run down and get out. She told me not to look back and to keep going until I found an adult who could help me.”
Dean’s voice was calm, controlled but Castiel could see the way he was gripping the steering wheel. His nails dug into the plastic coating.
“I ran straight into the arms of a fireman. He put me in the back of an ambulance; I don’t remember much after that. I’d breathed in a lot of smoke. I just remember waking up in hospital and my dad was crying. There was a funeral. I couldn't make sense of it all. I just knew she was gone.”
Dean paused for a moment, swallowing hard. Castiel could see the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.
“My mum was a hero. She was the heart and soul of our family and when she was gone, my dad just didn’t work right ever again.”
Dean wasn’t looking at Castiel. He was staring into the distance, lost somewhere in the past. He looked tired and scared, like a little boy who’d had to grow up too fast.
“I’m so sorry,” Castiel said softly.
He reached out, lying his hand gently on top of Dean’s, wanting to bring Dean back to the here and now.
Dean turned his head to look at him, forcing a smile on to his face. His eyes were still filled with tears but he blinked them back quickly.
“I just…I wanted to bring you here, to introduce you,” he said. “I know that’s morbid.”
Castiel shook his head.
“It’s not morbid.”
Dean’s smile now looked more convincing. It was still sad, but there was an air of hope there as well. Castiel squeezed his hand tightly.
“Come on,” he said. “We’re here now and we shouldn’t keep your mother waiting.”
Dean moved, leaning across the space between them and kissed Castiel suddenly.
“You’re amazing, Cas,” he said quietly.
Castiel wrinkled his nose. He didn’t think he was amazing, but he’d be whatever helped Dean at that moment. Dean got out of the car and headed around to the passenger side, opening Castiel’s door for him. It took them a few minutes to get Castiel out of the car. Dean slung his arm around Castiel and together they got Castiel out and on to his feet.
“That’s the worst thing about being pregnant,” Castiel said, leaning against the car as Dean locked up. “Little things end up being harder than they should.”
“It’s the first baby. By the time you’re on our third, you’ll be used to it,” Dean said, grinning.
“Oh, you’ve planned for us to have more, have you?” Castiel asked.
He rested a hand on his stomach, trying to imagine having another baby, let alone another two.
Dean shrugged.
“I like the idea of having a big family,” he said.
“Maybe wait until Sam’s off at college, at least,” Castiel said.
It felt strange to be talking about a future that might never happen, a future that Castiel wasn’t sure he could give Dean. Dean had lost so much of his family. They’d been taken from him too soon and in the most tragic, sudden ways, shattering the security Dean should have had. It seemed natural that he’d want to fill the emptiness their passing left behind but Castiel didn’t know if he would want another baby.
He looked at Dean, looked at the way the weak morning sunlight cast highlights in his hair and decided that, if he did want another child, he’d want it to be Dean’s.
Dean took his hand and they walked slowly through the graveyard. Most of the graves there were old. They were well cared for. There was obviously a groundskeeper who cleaned the graves and kept the grass neat and tidy, but most of the graves were bare. There were no flowers or other little things left by them. Whoever had once loved these people, they had stopped visiting now. Maybe they were dead and buried too.
Maybe it should have felt strange to be in the graveyard, a place associated with death, when Castiel was carrying a new life within him, but Castiel found it natural. People died, the world moved on, but their family didn’t stop loving them. Castiel’s baby, when it was born, would learn about its grandparents, even if they weren’t alive anymore to see it grow up.
“Here,” Dean said, stopping, tugging on Castiel’s hand.
The grave they stopped in front of was black marble. It was buffed and shinning. It looked as if it was new. There were flowers placed in front of it, a bouquet of bright yellow flowers – big and bold. Embossed in gold lettering was “Mary Winchester, beloved wife and mother.”
“Are those flowers from you?” Castiel asked.
“Yeah,” Dean said softly. “I come down here once a week. Bring her new flowers, talk to her.”
“Have you told her about me yet?” Castiel asked softly.
Dean looked at him sheepishly. “I told her I’d met this great guy, but I haven’t…you know, explained our situation yet. I don’t think she’d be too impressed with me.”
“I don’t know about that,” Castiel said. “You’re doing your best.”
Dean smiled. He let go of Castiel hand and crouched down in front of the grave.
“Hey, mum. This is Cas, the guy I told you about and, um, our baby. Yeah, you’re going to be a grandma. No, Cas hasn’t accepted my offer to marry him yet.”
Castiel rolled his eyes.
“Dean hasn’t asked yet,” he said, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezing lightly.
Dean glanced up at him.
“You’re not supposed to tell mum that, you’re supposed to be on my side. Besides, you’d say no, wouldn’t you?”
Castiel paused, licking his lips. His mouth suddenly felt dry. He would say no but part of him didn’t want to. He nodded slowly, unable to say anything.
Dean reached up, stroking his hand over Castiel’s stomach.
“Cas says we’re having a girl, but I think you’re getting a grandson.”
“Sam agrees with me that it’s going to be a girl,” Castiel said, grinning.
Dean sighed, moving so he could press a kiss to Castiel’s bump.
“Maybe a boy next time,” he murmured.
Castiel stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair. He closed his eyes and felt at peace. He didn’t know if he believed in an afterlife and the idea of getting the blessing of the dead seemed impossible, but he felt as if things would be okay. He hoped that if Mary Winchester was looking down on them, she would approve of him. He hoped she’d love her grandchild. He was sure that if she was anything like Dean, she would adore the baby.
**
Two Months Later:
Living with Dean wasn’t at all what Castiel had expected. He’d thought it would take him a while to settle in, that he’d feel like an outsider but he didn’t. Everyone had done their best to make him feel as if he belonged. Even his cat was happy. Meg hunted in the big garden out back, chasing butterflies and daises. She always found a willing lap with Sam who let her curl up on him when he was watching television or doing his homework. She kept away from Adam who was still a little grabby but otherwise she was happy.
Castiel’s bump was showing properly now. Dean liked to put his hand on it, smiling secretively as if they were sharing a private moment together, himself and the baby. He still insisted it was going to be a boy. Castiel had decided against finding out. He didn’t want to know. Whatever they had, boy or girl, Castiel knew already that he adored it.
Adam seemed to love the baby too. He liked to lie down on Castiel’s bed with his head pressed to Castiel’s stomach, listening to the baby. Castiel stroked his hands through Adam’s hair, read him stories and felt that he could be a parent. Sometimes Dean joined them. Adam was certain that the baby was a girl. He said she’d told him so herself.
Castiel hadn’t known it was possible for to be so happy. Dean kissed him, hugged him, showed him he cared for him in a million different ways but he never pushed him. They hadn’t had sex since Castiel moved in with him but that didn’t seem to bother Dean. He was excited about the baby. He’d painted the nursery and they’d picked out furniture together.
It was bothering Castiel though. It hadn’t been a problem when he’d first moved in. He’d been getting used to the new house, used to living with not just one person but three. Now he was used to it. He was also constantly in a state of sexual tension, so close to Dean but unable to move their relationship to the next step. His hormones were going crazy. Every moment he had alone with Dean, he wanted to jump him.
They didn’t get a lot of time alone together. Castiel hadn’t realized how his life would change when he had a child, how little free time and privacy he would have, but living with Adam and Sam had been a sharp learning curve for him. Dean had fitted a lock on his bedroom door for him to keep Adam from crawling into bed with him in the middle of a night after a nightmare. He’d apparently decided he liked Castiel more than Dean because he was soft and round. Castiel wasn’t used to being woken up by a small boy bouncing on him and Dean wasn’t sure it was good for the baby to have Adam knocking into it.
Castiel was glad that Dean had fitted the lock. It gave him a chance to relieve a little bit of the aching pressure he felt. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted; his own hand on his cock, but it was enough. Castiel bit his lip, moaning and stroked a little faster. He had to be quiet. He could still be overheard. Sometimes he wanted to be loud. Dean was the one sleeping next door but Castiel really didn’t want Sam or Adam overhearing too. He’d never be able to look Sam in the eye again and he could just imagine the embarrassing questions Adam would ask.
Castiel closed his eyes, trying to block out the mundane and the normal, and focused on how hard his cock was instead. He tried to imagine that it was another hand touching him. He tried to imagine that it was Dean. He thought back to the night when they’d met, back to lying stretched out on the back seat of Dean’s car while Dean gave him the most amazing blow job Castiel had ever had.
He wanted to feel that again. He could remember the way Dean’s lips had stretched around him, how he’d hummed as he took Castiel’s cock deep in his mouth. Castiel tightened his grip on his cock, trying to replicate the tight warmth he’d felt when Dean sucked him down.
There was a knock on the door and Castiel yelped in surprise, his hand leaving his swollen cock as if it was scolded. He grabbed hold of a pillow and threw it across his lap.
“Cas?” came Dean’s voice, muffled by the door. “Are you okay? You were calling my name.”
Castiel bit his lip. He hadn’t even realized it. He’d been far too focused on the memory and how close his orgasm had felt. His cock twitched, reminding him that he hadn’t finished yet. He cleared his throat. He might be embarrassed but there was probably never going to be a better chance to tell Dean he wanted to move their relationship to the next level.
“I’m fine,” he said, getting up from the bed carefully and heading to the door. He kept the pillow clutched tightly against his body as he unlocked the door.
Dean was standing there, his hair sticking up, in just his boxer shorts. Castiel’s cock gave another interested twitch.
“I thought something might be wrong with the baby or that you might need something,” Dean said. He still looked worried.
“I do need something,” Castiel agreed, reaching out to take his hand and tug Dean into the room with him. “I need you.”
Dean’s eyes widened but then he smiled. He shut the door behind them and locked the door before he swept Castiel up into his arms and kissed him. Castiel dropped the pillow, letting his hard cock brush against Dean’s thigh as he tried to grind up against him.
Dean broke the kiss, panting softly.
“It’s been torture, sleeping in the room next you and not being able to touch you,” he whispered.
“Touch me now!” Castiel said, tugging Dean towards the bed.
Dean laughed softly, happily. He moved so he was seated on the bed and pulled Castiel into his lap. Castiel could feel Dean’s cock, already half-hard, rubbing between his cheeks and he squirmed, wondering if Dean would fuck him. He’d have to take his boxers off if he was planning to do that.
It didn’t seem to be Dean’s plan though. He kissed Castiel’s shoulder, soft and loving, as he wrapped his fingers around Castiel’s cock, stroking him. Dean’s grip was hard and sure. His rhythm was slower than Castiel’s had been, Dean was dragging it out. Castiel wiggled, pushing up into his hand.
“Dean,” he panted. “Dean, please!”
“I got you, Cas,” Dean whispered, nuzzling at his neck, pressing little kisses there. “I got you.”
He applied a little pressure to a spot just under the head of Castiel’s cock and Castiel saw stars behind his eyes. He gasped loudly, and Dean clapped his free hand over his mouth, muffling the next sound Castiel made, a long low moan as he came in great, hot spurts, coating Dean’s fingers.
He slumped back against Dean’s chest, panting for breath as Dean pulled his hand away from his mouth.
“Sorry, I didn’t want the kids to hear,” Dean said sheepishly.
“I liked it,” Castiel murmured.
“Kinky,” Dean said approvingly.
Castiel turned his head so he could kiss Dean. He felt wonderful, his whole body throbbing with pleasure, completely relaxed and blissful after his orgasm. Dean seemed to know exactly how to play his body. He could feel Dean’s hard cock, still poking up against him, and he started to move slowly, rubbing back and forth. He heard the sharp intake of Dean’s breath and smiled. It seemed that he had the same sort of effect on Dean.
Dean dug his fingers into Castiel’s hips, dragging him down and trying to hold him in place.
“Is this okay?” he asked. “Fuck, I want you so much, Cas.”
“Yes,” Castiel said. “Keep going.”
He pressed another kiss to Dean’s lips, letting Dean rut and rub against him. Dean was groaning, using their kisses to mask the noises he made. Suddenly he stopped, his fingers biting into Castiel’s hips. He kissed Castiel hard and Castiel felt a wet spot through Dean’s boxers, a sure sign that the other man had come.
For a few moments Dean held on to him, kissing him like he was afraid Castiel would disappear when he stopped. Then finally, regretfully, he pulled away.
“I guess I should let you sleep,” he said, stroking a hand over Castiel’s bump. “I’ll get back to my room.”
“You don’t have to go,” Castiel said. He wiggled and squirmed, eliciting a little groan from Dean, moving off the man’s lap. He wanted to look at Dean while he talked to him. He wanted Dean to see how serious he was.
“I thought,” he said, taking hold of Dean’s hand and placing it back on his swollen stomach. “That maybe I could move into your room? I wonder if it could be our room?”
Dean nodded eagerly.
“Yeah! Of course it can be our room!”
“Good,” Castiel said, pulling Dean towards him. “And tonight you’re staying here.”
Dean smiled at him, wrapping his arms around Castiel. He reached out, grabbing the blanket and pulled it up over them.
“I’m looking forward to waking up with you tomorrow,” he said.
“Me too,” Castiel agreed, moving around until he was comfortable, his head pillowed against Dean’s chest. It wouldn’t be comfortable for too long. Already, Castiel’s bump was almost too big for the position to be pleasant but for as long as Castiel could fall asleep curled up in Dean’s arms, he was going to.
He’d spent far too much time out of them.
**
The next morning dawned bright and Castiel woke up to Dean’s smiling face. They got up together, showered together with Dean taking extra care to scrub Castiel’s back and then dry him off, and went down to breakfast together. About thirty minutes later, while Dean was cooking, they were joined by Adam. Sam was still fast asleep.
“What are we having for breakfast?” he asked, climbing up into his chair and sitting expectantly at the table. Castiel set a place for him and poured him a glass of orange juice.
“Eggs, bacon, pancakes, just a mix of everything,” Dean said, not turning away from the stove. “Choose what you want when I put it on the table.”
“I just want pancakes,” Castiel said. He opened one of the cupboards and hunted in it until he found the maple syrup. “I just want sweet things this morning.”
“You know there’s an old wives tale about that, don’t you?” said Dean, bringing a pan of sizzling bacon to the table and tipping it out on to one of the plates.
“Hmm?” Castiel asked.
“If you’re craving sweet things, it means you’re having a girl,” Dean said, his eyes twinkling.
“I knew it!” Adam exclaimed happily.
**
Three Months Later:
Castiel went into labour one sunny afternoon, a few days before his estimated due date. One moment he was reading, tucked up on the sofa with the cat curled at his side, and the next he was up, clutching his stomach.
“Dean!” he called. “Dean! I think it’s happening.”
Dean came in from the kitchen. He was wearing an apron, half-way through preparing super for the evening before he picked the boys up from school. It was so peaceful and domestic; the two of them alone in the house that Castiel almost wished the pains would stop. He didn’t want to go to the hospital. He wasn’t ready for the baby to be born.
“Are you sure?” Dean asked, wiping his hands on his apron.
Castiel nodded. He was certain this was it.
“How far apart are the contractions?”
Castiel shrugged, resting his hands on his bump, trying to will the baby to stop. He knew that wasn’t possible. He knew that it was just time and his body was telling him that the baby needed to come out, but he was still going to blame the baby for starting it. Castiel hadn’t been doing anything to bring on labour. He’d been sitting quietly. It must have been the baby kicking.
“Sit down,” Dean said, taking off his apron. “I want you to breathe, okay, Cas? And I’m going to time you between contractions.”
“Shouldn’t we be going to the hospital?” Castiel asked, annoyed but he sat down slowly.
“We will,” Dean said. “Just let me work this out.”
Castiel wanted to say something clever but another contraction gripped him and he tried to focus on breathing through it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean checking his watch. It was an intense relief when the pain started to ease up. Castiel felt that he could breathe properly again.
A few minutes later, he was hit by another contraction.
“Three minutes,” Dean murmured.
“Is that good or bad?” Castiel asked.
“It means I need to call Benny, ask him to pick up the kids from school and we need to get you to the hospital,” Dean said.
“Do you want me to do anything?” Castiel offered.
“No, it’s fine. Just sit there, I’ll get your overnight bag and I’ll call the school and explain what’s going on too,” Dean said, turning on his heal and heading back to the kitchen.
Castiel sat on the sofa, trying his hardest to remember the rhythm his breathing was supposed to take. It was hard to think. He could hear Dean’s voice but he couldn’t make out the words he was saying. Castiel just wished he’d hurry up.
In all, it probably took Dean about seven minutes to collect Castiel’s already packed over-night bag and make the phone calls he needed but to Castiel it felt like an eternity. When they got in the car, the seat belt wouldn’t fit over his bump and Castiel didn’t want it there either. He just wanted to get to the hospital and get the baby out. Dean drove slowly, the mid-afternoon traffic thicker than either of them would have liked.
When they reached the hospital there was another wheelchair and then another hospital room, Castiel being stripped, put in an unflattering hospital gown and then hooked up to a monitor. The contracts were coming faster than Castiel had thought they would. He’d read that contractions could go on for hours and be spaced relatively far apart, especially for a first baby but his baby obviously hadn’t been reading the same books.
“We’ll need to get you prepped and ready for OR, Castiel,” the doctor monitoring him said, checking his notes. “That baby is ready to come now.”
“Is everything okay?” Dean asked. He sounded nervous. Castiel reached out for his hand, gripping it tightly when another contraction started.
“The baby’s fine at the moment, but considering how quick the contractions are, it’s best we operate soon to minimise any stress,” the doctor said.
“Are you sure?” Dean said again.
“I’m sure,” the doctor said. “We’ll be ready to get him into the OR in ten minutes.”
“Dean,” Castiel said, tugging at his hand. “It’s okay, the doctors know what they’re doing. They deliver babies every day.”
“But those are other people’s babies and those other people aren’t you!” Dean said. He moved so he could kiss Castiel. “I love you, Cas. I’ve been falling in love with you since we met and I’m so scared something is going to happen to you. I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”
“You won’t,” Castiel said.
He knew he couldn’t promise that. There were complications, outside forces he couldn’t control but he had to tell Dean he would still be there. He knew Dean hated the hospital, knew that he’d come here and lost people but they’d been here once before and their baby had survived. Everything would be fine now.
“I love you too,” he whispered.
“Probably not the most romantic moment I could have picked,” Dean said with a snort. “I should have planned some candles and roses.”
“No, it’s perfect,” Castiel said.
It was. He couldn’t think of a better time to find out that Dean loved him. He was about to have their baby. It felt as if everything was in place. They might have done everything back to front but they were where they were always supposed to be now. They were in love, they had each other and pretty soon, they’d be holding their baby.
Dean pressed their foreheads together and kissed him again.
“I love you,” he murmured.
***
After an injection to prevent him from feeling anything, Castiel was wheeled into the operating room. Dean, washed and wearing hospital scrubs, was his side the whole way through.
Ten minutes later, their baby girl arrived, screaming, into the world.
The nurses cleaned her and passed her to Castiel. He held her close, kissing the crown of her head and slowly, she stopped crying, lulled by the closeness of the man who’d carried her for the past nine months. Castiel looked up at Dean, smiling widely.
“You know this means you owe Sam and Adam ten dollars each, don’t you?” he teased softly.
Dean reached out, taking one of his daughters tiny clenched fists in his hand. He held it gently, as if he was afraid he might break her if he touched her too hard. His expression was one of complete awe.
“She’s worth every penny,” he said.
“We should think of a name for her,” Castiel said softly.
He hadn’t looked at baby names. He hadn’t wanted to know the sex of the baby before it was born and it had seemed a waste of time to look for names when he might not be able to use half of them. Now he wished he had. It seemed wrong to be holding this perfect little person in his arms and not know what to call her.
“Any names you like?” Dean asked.
“Anna,” Castiel said. “Anna got me to take the pregnancy test in the first place. I wouldn’t have known I was going to have her without Anna.”
“Anna’s a good name,” Dean murmured. “We can call her Anna. I think her middle name should be Samantha. I wouldn’t have found you again if you weren’t Sam’s teacher.”
“Anna Samantha. Is she Novak or Winchester?” Castiel asked.
“She’s Winchester,” Dean said, grinning. “You both are.”
“Gabriel’s going to be so jealous,” Castiel said, still smiling. He didn’t think he’d ever stop.
He had his beautiful daughter. He had Dean. It was better than Castiel could have ever imagined when he took that pregnancy test all those months ago. He was so glad he’d gone home with Dean that night in the bar. What he had now was worth every risky, impulsive chance.
