Chapter Text
Buck’s head hurt badly when he opened his eyes again, honestly, everything hurt a bit. There was a weird feeling in his mouth, on his throat. Before, when he woke up with his brother by his side nothing had hurt this badly, so it meant that something had changed.
In movies usually, when a person comes back from a coma they don’t remember a thing, but Buck remembered everything, the last one being him laying on the white tiles with Daniel holding his hand.
“Forget about the past and seek the future.” Daniel had even smiled while caressing his face before disappearing and everything went black.
There was a tight hold on his arm, it wasn’t only a grip on his hand. It was stronger, a big hand wrapped around his forearm, calloused one but familiar. So damn familiar that it had been the same strongest touch he had felt when he was watching his body. This meant he was back to his family. That he had found his way back to them.
Buck squeezed back, in his mind he had done a lot more strength than it actually happened, but it seemed enough to catch Eddie’s attention as he slowly opened his eyes. The room was exactly the same as before, but his best friend was wearing a different outfit maybe because more time had passed by after he had collapsed into the floor.
Quickly, Eddie was hovering over him and Buck was trying to rip off the tube stuck down his throat. Tears gather in the corner of his eyes as that same tube is doing the opposite of what is supposed to. It’s making it harder for him to breathe but as he tries to release himself there are strong hands around his wrists to stop him and if it was anyone else he would be panicking, but it was Eddie.
“Wait, Buck. Let me call the nurses.” Eddie quickly reached at his side to press the button, before looking back at him. There were tears threatening to fall, but it was happiness.
“Sir, I need you to step aside for a bit.” One of the nurses tried to take Eddie away making Buck feel more reckless and eager to get rid of everything that was attached to him, all the monitors controlling his vitals were going off.
“Mr. Buckley I need you to calm down, so we can help you.” Buck knew that they were only doing their jobs, but he just needed to get those things off of him. Unable to do it, he reached out to Eddie instead.
“Buck! I’m a paramedic, I can handle this.” Eddie bit off sounding more pissed than Buck had ever heard, but the nurse seemed to give up and let him go.
Eddie was back on his side in a matter of seconds, taking a hold of his wrist again, his thumb making smoothing circles on his pulse point. It was enough to calm Buck down.
“I’m right here.” That was enough for Buck to close his eyes and relax to allow the nurses to help him out.
Eddie stepped away to let the nurses have enough space to work around Buck but never let go of the other. His grip got tighter when Buck started to choke again as they slowly got the intubation tube out of his mouth as carefully as possible.
Buck could now fully breathe on his own, not at full capacity still, but he could do it by himself. His throat felt sore like he had been screaming all this time he was unconscious, and the nurses finally let him go when they were satisfied with his vitals and with a warning that a doctor would come by soon. Still, Buck was more focused on the man at his side, the man that was there most of the time, only leaving when he was forced or needed to be with his son.
"Eddie…" His own voice sounded painful on his ears and they both flinched a bit at it. "I'm…I'm okay. I came back." I came back to you and Christopher .
Even without all the words coming out of his mouth he could see in Eddie's face that he understood what he meant, and it was enough to make a few tears fall down their faces.
It took them a bit to calm down, Eddie helping him get a bit of water but not too much. His body still aching whenever he moved and his breathing got a bit harder when he tried to move.
“Where is Christopher?” The last memory had been the boy telling his story and then leaving. Leaving and Buck crashing into the floor.
“With Maddie.” Eddie replied, and he must have noticed the face he made. “She asked if she could watch over him, that it helped her distract and that he was really good with Jee.”
“I can’t believe I am losing that image. I bet they look adorable. I hope Maddie is taking all the photos.” He had to stop a few times to take some short breaths which made Eddie look at him suspiciously.
“She is.” Eddie eventually let go of his hand to take his phone and swiped through it before putting it in his hand.
Buck manage to bring the phone closer to his face even if it felt heavy with how weak he felt but it was worth it when he was faced with the picture of Jee sitting down on the carpet, Christopher right behind her and one arm at her side while with the other he was helping her stack her blocks. He fell even more in love with this kid.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare him.” Buck’s voice was trembling, and he avoided looking at his best friend as he gave his phone back.
“ Buck. ” Eddie shot him a quick look, and it took him a while to figure out the meaning behind it. Disbelieve. Like he had said something impossible. “You had a car crash that wasn’t your fault.” He could see Eddie curling his fingers into fists. “It wasn’t your fault…”
“I should have been more careful and less distracted- I should know how dangerous the streets can be.” Buck knew he was making this about himself, but it was, he should have known to keep his eyes on the road, but Eddie didn’t seem to agree as he stepped away.
Buck almost whined at the distance between them, they had that before and did nothing good for them. Still, he lifted his head to watch Eddie pace around the room, arms crossed over his chest.
“Eddie…” He knew he was playing dirty, he knew that if he said the other’s name in the right way that it would break him and make him give in.
“He was drunk…” Eddie kept his voice low, looking like he was battling with himself to get the words out. “He won’t pay for what he did to you. Because he died at the scene and almost took you down with him.”
Buck could see the anger pouring out of Eddie even if he was trying to fight it. It was a simple thing that most people probably wouldn’t notice, as his shoulders stooped forward, the way he was gripping his own arms making the fabric curl around his fingers.
“ Eddie. ” He tried again to gain the other’s attention towards him. “I’m alive, and I’m going home.” Even if its head still felt like it had been drilled. He knew that it would probably take a few more days to get his release.
“You could have been dead. I was the one asking you to make a detour…you almost didn’t come home.” Eddie’s hands were now trembling and Buck could see it even better than before. He was scared of that outcome and Buck never expected someone to be scared of losing him.
Buck started to move on the hospital bed even with everything that was attached to him. Once his best friend realized what he was doing there was no more distance between them. Eddie pushed him back down on the bed, Buck’s heart skyrocketing against the other’s palm and if Eddie wasn’t feeling it then he was listening to it because the heart monitor beeps were clear.
“What are you doing?!” Eddie frowned, and his voice was still on the edge of anger, even then Buck knew that it wasn’t directed at him, so he covered his best friend’s hand with his own, both of them trembling a bit.
“Showing you that I am alive and here. I fought to come back, just like you do. And I will keep doing it over and over again.” Finally, there wasn’t any more distance between them, even with this simple touch Buck’s muscles seemed to relax and his headache subside. “I know I’m not his dad, but I will always come back to him and you whenever I can.”
Eddie just stare at him while seeming to process those words, maybe Buck was giving too much away but if not now then when? Maybe they have waited enough time, they definitely had too many close calls to keep delaying whatever has been slowly building between them.
They were best friends. But they were more . They were different.
Before Eddie could say anything a nurse came by the room to take Buck for his exams, they needed to check so much before he could even think of leaving the hospital.
“I know you want to stay but go home, be with Chris for me. I’m safe now.” Buck took the bit of time they managed to snatch while he changed from the bed to the wheelchair. Eddie always kept a tight grasp on his hand.
“Just promise me to not run away from the hospital while I am gone.” His tone was lighter, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and Buck just managed to chuckle at it while the nurse wheeled him through the cold hallways.
+++
Buck wasn’t even surprised that the first person to show up at the hospital was Maddie. His sister quickly took him in her arms tightly, holding him for dear life and not wanting to let go until Buck had to beg her to do it, so he could breathe.
“I don’t even know what to say to you…” Maddie spoke as she sat down beside him, taking his hand on her own.
“That hopefully my niece is being well taken care of and that I will see her soon?” He tried to joke but only got a roll of eyes from Maddie even if a smile came right after.
“She is fine, she loves Christopher. I guess she is just like Uncle Buck.” He knew that tone.
“How can anyone not love Christopher?” That kid had his heart since day one.
“Fine, I will give you that.” Maddie giggled as she squeezed his hand. “Do you know when they are releasing you?”
“No, they are still waiting for the results, and I’m still stuck with this.” Buck pointed to the nasal tube attached to him. “I’m ready to go home. I have been here long enough.”
“And which home are you going to?” He knew that this was never changed between them, and it was actually good.
“Mads…you need to stop that. I know you and Chim figured your things, but that isn’t going to happen to me.” It was the closest he came to ever admitting his feelings to someone else, other than his dead brother. “I saw Daniel.”
That seemed enough to catch Maddie’s attention and make her drop any hint of teasing. Her smile turned a bit sadder and more forced. She probably had a medical and reasonable explanation for him seeing their brother.
“What did he tell you?” Was what came out instead.
“He made me see that I have everything I need.” Buck sighed, but it was enough to make him feel lighter, if anyone could understand it then it was Maddie. “He told me that it was okay to move on, that he was okay.” He could feel his tears starting to prickle at his eyes and Maddie wasn’t much better, she was always more emotional.
“He gave you good advice?” Maddie said between wet chuckles and Buck couldn’t help but to follow them.
“He was there for everything. I could see everything…I know it was probably just my body keeping in touch with what surrounded me, but it was just so weird, like I was seeing someone else. I knew how much you all love me, but I had never seen it, especially Eddie.” He took a deep breath. “The last time I saw him that lost was when he broke down, and I was the cause of it this time.”
“Evan. It only shows how much he cares about you. You both do, I don’t know how you two haven’t gotten together yet.” There was a bit of exasperation in her voice. “You called me out for dating Chim when we weren’t dating yet but have you looked at your life? You have been building a family on your own with Eddie, maybe it’s my turn to call you out on it.” She took a deep breath. “When you flatlined…he was so scared to lose you, did you hear that?”
“I was trying to go after Christopher when he was here.” Buck tried to focus on that last moment, those memories were a bit foggier than the rest, and then it hit him. Evan! Eddie’s voice echoed through the room as the nurses and doctors fought to bring him back. “I remember him calling for me, and then I woke up.”
“That is kind of romantic in the middle of you almost dying on him. Maybe he was the one that made you come back?” Maddie would always be a hopeless romantic.
“I think it was Christopher. He was the first one to notice that I was trying to get back.” He only felt proud of the boy that had been there for him.
“You really got yourself a good family. Don’t waste time as I did. I think that the whole Diaz’ family has adopted you by now.” Maddie said softly, clearly, she didn’t know about Eddie’s parents even though they were trying to be better.
“They support each other, no matter what. Just like us.” Buck moved his hand so that only their pinkies were intertwined. “Now we have more than just us to fight against the world.”
“I’m so proud of us.” Again tears showed up in both of their eyes.
“I am too.”
+++
Even before Buck could say anything about his release and Eddie was already telling him that he was going to pick him up. It had been that easy, and he couldn’t hide the smile on his lips when Eddie found him sitting on the bed. A few years ago this had gone the opposite way.
It still took him a few days for the results to be all clear and for him to get his lungs properly working, and his head didn’t hurt as much as before. Still, he felt a bit light-headed when he saw Eddie walking inside the room.
Buck knew how he felt and had been able to push it away for as long as his accident happened but now? Now it was a lot harder to control himself after what he had seen. Even Eddie seemed to release a puff of air when their eye locked on each other.
On the days he had been conscious at the hospital more visits had been allowed and Eddie would come over whenever he could and brought Christopher with him after school. It had kept Buck sane and distracted enough to keep some questions trapped in his throat.
“Hey…” He was still nervous about leaving the hospital, not that he didn’t believe the doctors and Eddie had made sure to make all the questions, some of which Buck suspected to have been Hen’s idea.
“Are you ready to go?” Eddie’s grin was big, almost as big as the one he had when he told Buck that he was coming back to the 118.
“Yeah.” Buck couldn’t help but smile back even if he ducked his head a bit, like he always did when he got too much attention from Eddie. He was about to pick up the bag that Eddie had brought him with some clothes, but the other was already there. Their hands brushed on each other lightly. Buck was doomed.
Eddie stood by his side as they walked through the hallways, shoulders bumping each other, and Buck knew that it was the other reassuring him that he was there for anything. As they kept walking the nurses would nod at them with a smile, but the chef nurse stop them. She had been the nicest and broke a few rules for them.
“No Christopher?” Allison, the nurse asked as they stopped for her. “I thought he would come and get you as well.”
Everyone had loved Christopher so much, and it had been hard for them to say no to him sometimes. Buck wasn’t even surprised by it.
“He is waiting excitedly at home.” Eddie was the one to reply, and his smile was the one that was only meant for when he talked about Chris. It was adorable.
“I hope I don’t see you here anytime soon.” She gently squeezed Buck’s arm before starting to walk away. “You two have a beautiful family.” Allison said over her shoulder leaving Buck frozen on the spot.
He had heard that before but back then Eddie and Christopher had been too far away to have heard it. A hand on his lower back brought him back to reality as Eddie pressed forward to make him walk.
“Thank you.” Eddie replied just like that. It was too late to correct her, right? That was why Eddie hadn’t even tried.
The walk back to the car was a quiet one with Eddie sometimes looking at him but kept without saying a word. Buck got inside of the truck while the other got the duffel bag in the backseat before taking his place in front of the steering wheel.
Buck had no doubt when Eddie turned the key in the ignition and started to drive away from the hospital that he was taking them to the Diaz’ house. He shouldn’t be surprised, but he still was and unable to hide the smile that crept up to his lips as he saw the road pass by.
“I thought that you might not want to be alone.” Eddie finally broke the silence between them, his eyes leaving the road for only a few seconds as he seemed to be checking any change in Buck’s expression.
“I will still be alone when Christopher goes to school, and you have to go back to your shifts.” Buck wanted to test how far ahead Eddie had thought this through.
“You won’t. I took a few days off.” This time Eddie did avoid looking at him, focusing more on his fingers playing on the steering wheel.
“You didn’t have to do that. It's just a bump in my head. I’m back with the team in no time.” Buck knew that it was way more than that. His body was still recovering from the trauma it had suffered.
“You went into a coma. A rib punctured your lung. You almost died.” Eddie’s voice was low and slow, almost as if he was doing his best to not let it fail him.
“Eds…” Buck watched as the other’s shoulders relaxed into the seat, it was a thing between them, everything would disappear out of them if their name was said in the right way. They definitely become codependent on each other. “I will do my best to recover as fast as I can, so my partner doesn’t have to be alone at work.”
“You are an idiot.” Eddie breathed out, but there was a hint of a smile he was trying to hide.
“Still, you wouldn’t have found a better partner.” Even if Buck tried to sound like he was confident about it, there was always something in the back of his mind reminding him that maybe he wasn’t enough.
“I wouldn’t want any other.” And fuck, Buck shouldn’t be surprised by that, but it still warmed his heart, his heart beating fast in his chest even if he had seen that Eddie was there by his side most of the time he was in a coma.
The rest of the drive home was quiet, yes home , because the Diaz’ house had always been a place where he felt at home along with the station. Eddie had a knowing smile on his lips which left Buck suspicious but as soon as the other opened the door for him there was a shout of ‘Surprise!’ that almost brought him to tears.
Christopher was the first one to reach him, he wobbled through the living room to Buck’s side to wrap both of his arms around his waist, and Buck couldn’t help but lean down and kiss the dirty blond curls before taking in who was there. Abuela, Pepa, and Maddie with Jee in her arms, the rest of the team were probably on a shift, and he was pretty sure that he would also get a surprise when getting back to the station.
“Thank you, guys.” Buck smiled widely, he knew that in the crinkling corner of his eyes there were probably tears. It always overwhelmed him when he got this much love.
Christopher was still attached to his side as Eddie rested his hand on his lower back giving him a gentle nudge to get further inside of the house, after the initial shock he took both of the oldest Diaz into his arms into a gentle hug before taking his sister and niece.
They even got him a cake, nothing too big but just enough for all of them. Buck ended up with cake frosting all over his face when Maddie tried to give Jee a bit of it. Instead, the toddler smashed her hands in the frosting before trying to hold Buck’s face with her tiny hands.
The whole house burst out in laughter at that, he held his niece closely as Maddie cleaned her hands before giving her back to her mother. Then he used a napkin to clean the frosting from his face but by the way Christopher and the others were giggling, it could only mean that he had missed a spot.
“Come here.” Eddie gently said unable to keep the mocking smile out of his lips.
He got a clean napkin and rested his other hand on Buck’s neck, thumb pressing against his jaw to keep him from moving at all before reaching up and cleaning whatever was still left. Apparently right below his left eye, on his birthmark. Their eyes kept locked for way longer than after the task was done.
“Better.” Eddie whispered and it was so low that probably only Buck had been able to hear it, but they were still surrounded by family and his cheeks were burning hot.
“Thank you.” Buck almost reach to rest his hand on Eddie’s waist, to keep them this close, but then the other was pulling away leaving him aching for more of those gentle touches, and he had to control himself to not let out a whine when his skin felt cold without Eddie’s touch.
The moment went by, and they got back to the chatting that had been happening before, Buck noticed all the looks his sister was giving him. He headed for the kitchen to get a few glasses even if Eddie had tried to stop him. It didn’t take long for his sister to follow him.
“You really aren’t a guest in this house or this family.” More than any other thing he could see that Maddie was happy for him as she took the glasses from his hands. “Are you going to stay?”
“They are amazing people.” Buck leaned against one of the counters clutching a chipped glass to his chest, he remembers how it happened, how he had let it fall back into the sink when his hand and Eddie’s touched, full of soap. “It’s the least I can do, Eddie took a few days off, and it’s always good to have a paramedic around on the first few days.”
He knew that it was just an excuse and Eddie had been right before on their ride there. The loft would be empty, and he really didn’t want to be alone because that meant that he might start to overthink everything that happened and give up on what he wanted.
“If you needed me, I will be here too, okay?” Maddie waited for his confirmation before starting to head back toward the living room. “Come on, let’s go before Abuela keeps Jee for herself. She was already saying that she misses holding a kid this tiny.”
Buck end up chuckling as he followed her, expecting to see Abuela or Pepa holding Jee but the sight of Eddie doing her instead took the breath out of him, making him cough for air once his lungs got back to work.
Eddie was already looking at him with concern and Maddie as well, he could see in both of their faces the worry, and probably they had been reminded of the time that he coughed blood all over Athena’s patio.
“I’m okay. I promise.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Abuela and Pepa were talking with each other in Spanish, he couldn’t hear it, but their smirks showed that they were the only ones that weren’t that concerned. Maybe they had noticed more than Maddie and Eddie had.
They still looked suspicious at him but eventually let it go after a while, it didn’t take long for them to end the party. Abuela and Pepa left with the promise to come back with proper food and Maddie with the promise that she would come back with Jee to distract him when Eddie was gone on a shift.
Christopher had gone to his room to finish his homework when Buck started to pick up the plates and everything that he could to clean up the mess that they had done.
“What are you doing?” Eddie’s voice startled him and almost made him drop everything that was in his hands.
“What I always do?” He tried but by the look on the other’s face, it wasn’t reason enough.
“You just got out of the hospital, Buck.” Eddie took everything that he was still carrying.
“They cleared me. I’m recovered enough to do some dishes, Eddie.” He didn’t want to fight over dirty plates, but he was okay.
“Not on my watch. Why don’t you go and help Chris? He will be crashing hard from all the sugar he had, so make sure he actually does his homework?” Eddie made that face he always did when there was no more room to argue and disappeared into the kitchen.
After that, everything went back to normal between them. The same routine as ever, being as familiar as before. The only thing different were the worried glances that Eddie sometimes gave him and others that he really couldn’t tell what it was, so he let it go for now.
He knew that the next fight was coming even before he had opened his mouth. There was a pillow on one of his hands and on the other some blankets that he put on the back of the couch.
“No.” Like that word coming out of Eddie’s mouth would be enough to stop him from sleeping on the couch. “Don’t you even think about it.”
“I have slept here a few times, it’s not a big deal.” Buck tried even if deep down he knew that it was a lost fight.
“It is when you had a car crash almost two weeks ago. You are going to sleep on the bed.” Eddie’s arched eyebrow was almost like a challenge, but Buck was too tired to fight.
“I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch either.” He licked his lips before making the next suggestion. “You have a bed big enough for the both of us. We can share like before.”
The thing was, a lot had changed since they had shared a bed during quarantine. Like the fact that Eddie had finally felt comfortable enough to come out to his friends as queer. They had tried not to make a big deal out of it, but it was a big deal for Buck who always thought that his best friend was straight, that he would never have a chance with.
“If you are okay with it. I know that it’s different now.” They had been circling around this talk for a while, and maybe it was time for Buck to be a bit more honest considering the other was trying his best to be like that lately.
“It would be hypocritical of me. I know I never explicitly told you, but I never hide it either.” Buck knew he was rambling a bit and now Eddie was looking at him expectantly. “I know you only saw me date girls so far, maybe because I always thought that I would never be able to have a family if I dated a guy. I was so wrong. But yeah, I’m bisexual.”
Buck ducked his head not really knowing what to expect from the other, he felt like he had betrayed his best friend by keeping this part of him hidden, but it never really had been hidden because he never made a point to do so, but never came into conversation as well.
“I know. Hen and Chim told me about your adventures. It didn’t stop me from trying to be your friend back then, and it won’t stop me now.” Eddie’s voice was so gentle that every instinct inside of Buck told him to look up at his best friend, but he was too busy keeping his tears at bay. “Come on. It was a long day.”
Eddie took the pillow out of his hand and Buck didn’t even have the strength to keep his hold on it, there was a tiny smile on the other’s lips and Buck just followed him as he would always do with Eddie.
It had been easy to fall into the routine, Eddie only had been staying at home for a few days not even a week, so Buck never really got the opportunity he wanted to talk to him about what happened when he was in a coma. Also, because he was pretty sure that the conversation would lead them into so much more that they had been avoiding talking about.
In the end, Buck wasn’t feeling brave enough for it even if he had a few opportunities.
There were several times that he could have opened his mouth, especially when Eddie was being so gentle as he took care of him. When they were both alone in the bathroom, Buck sat on the lid of the toilet and the other in between his legs while changing the dressing on the wound in his head.
Other times, where Christopher had gone to bed, and they were quiet in the living room just watching a true-crime show or a documentary, or in bed when they were hiding under the covers for hours without really sleeping. Still, he never felt like it was the right time for it. Maybe there would never be a right time for them to happen.
With that time and time passed by with stolen glances over the kitchen table, over the couch. Sometimes he could see that Eddie was about to say something but would stop himself. Therapy had been good for him, and made him more open to sharing his feelings but apparently, there was still something holding him back with Buck.
Buck wasn’t sulking, but it was close to it. Still, he stood at the Diaz’ house for as long as he was allowed. Being there was better than his empty loft, and soon he was going back to work, spending time there had made time go by faster probably because he would have company most of the time. He would try to help Christopher with homework but draw the line at math leaving it for Carla.
He knew that his time at the household was ending pretty sure, he had already gotten a clear from the doctors, and now he just had to make it through his recertification to be cleared for work.
Eventually, he started packing his things.
+++
A few days off had been good to keep an eye on Buck after he left the hospital, it was also good to have the other around for so long. Eddie knew what he wanted, therapy had made him see that he could want things and go after them.
Buck had even indulged him to buy new clothes that he really likes and not only practical ones, also Eddie suspected that his best friend had noticed that he had been stealing a few of his hoodies.
Eddie had carefully taken care of all the other’s wounds, the ones that at least he could check. He knew there was something more, ever since Buck had woken up things had been different, they hadn’t talked much about it. Eddie didn’t even know if the other had even listened to what had been said around him.
“I can hear you thinking.” It was late and Hen probably should be asleep but instead, she sat down next to him at the kitchen table at the loft. It was the last shift they were going to have without Buck.
Buck had passed his recertification easily. That same day he saw Buck’s bags at the door, waiting for him to leave. It had been rather easy to convince his best friend to stay for a few more days, until everything was back to normal, that had been the excuse that he used.
“Buck is almost coming back.” He played with the string of the teabag that was still in his mug, by now it was already cold.
"Are you worried?” Hen looked at him, she could see right through him. They had become a family and learned how to read each other.
“It will be weird not having him around at the house.” He had promised himself to at least be honest with his family. Still, nothing compared with the way Buck would understand him.
“Not having him in your bed.” It didn’t sound like a judgment.
“How? How do you know?” Eddie knew that he was already giving that away by making the question.
“I know you wouldn’t let him sleep on your couch when he came out of the hospital. And I know that you wouldn’t kick him out once he got better. Also, I have been with you two at the quarantine. You were quick to pick each other as bed partners when it happened.” Hen’s voice was gentle, giving him space to speak if he wanted.
“Well, he only sleeps in my bed when I am there.” Eddie could see his friend frown, so he kept going. “When I go home after shifts. He is usually on the couch sleeping, never in the bed.”
“Have you asked him about it?”
“No…”
“Why?” It was an honest question. One that he had been asking himself.
“Because if I do, everything else will probably crumble around it.” Eddie stared back at his own reflection in the tea between his hands.
“You are scared…it’s okay to be scared. But remember something. The best person for you to fall in love with is your best friend, they have seen your worst and your best, they stood by your side and never leave. They aren’t easily scared away, even with a love confession.” It was so similar to what Hen and Karen had told each other during their vow renewal.
Eddie was speechless and Hen was more than ready to leave him with his thoughts, so she got up and squeezed his shoulder gently as more people joined them at the loft. Never once he had said that he loved Buck, but apparently, he was too obvious about it.
The rest of the shift went smoothly, from time to time he would notice how Hen looked at him and when she was caught doing she wasn’t ashamed just smiled back in encouragement.
It always felt different to end a shift and know that when he got home Buck will be there, by the time that Christopher was probably at school, so they will have a bit of quiet time and if Eddie was lucky he could also get a bit of sleep.
He turned off the truck and almost drags himself towards the door, his keys finding their usual place on the sideboard at the entrance. For some reason, he was quiet while doing so and while taking his shoes off even if it’s almost midday. Still, he wasn’t surprised to find Buck napping on the couch.
Eddie got closer, sitting on the edge of the coffee table before setting his hand on Buck’s shoulder gently and giving it a bit of a squeeze.
“Hey…” It’s not loud but not low either, just enough to wake up the other and be stared by hazed blue eyes.
“Hey…” Buck replied with a hoarse voice, so he must have been sleeping for a while now.
“You need to stop sleeping here, I might forget I actually have a couch.” Eddie teased with a small smile on his lips.
“You always sit on the coffee table either way.” The younger man grumbled from under the cover he had pulled over his head. Eddie couldn’t help himself from laughing even with how tired he was.
“That is because you keep sleeping here. Is my bed that uncomfortable?” He tried, maybe it was time for him to find out the reason Buck kept getting back here.
“No…” Buck slowly lowered the covers but kept his eyes closed, seeming to enjoy the bit of sunlight that came through the living room window, making him look even more blondish and pale than normal.
“Gonna tell me why?” Eddie raised an eyebrow in question even if the other wasn’t looking at him.
It seemed to be enough for Buck to slowly sit up and let the covers pool on his lap, hands gripping them as he clearly worked on his words inside his brain. Eddie knew how to read his best friend and by the way he was biting his lower lip it meant that it was something that he had been bottling up until now maybe even since he left the hospital.
“Maybe for the same reason that you didn’t hold my hand when I was in a coma.” The words finally spilled out from Buck’s mouth, and he seemed nervous about it. Most of all, how did he know about that?
“How? You were unconscious.” Eddie felt his brain working a mile per hour.
“I don’t know, some people call it an out-of-body experience. I don’t know what to call it.” Buck sighed, hiding his face in his hands. “I just know that I could see how broken you looked, and still you didn’t reach out for me, not until Christopher told you to.”
Eddie was still wrapping his head around it, how Buck knew exactly what had happened while unconscious.
“After that you crashed, Buck.” There was a bit of guilty that until now he hadn’t noticed.
“I crashed because I tried to follow Christopher when he left the room.” Buck ducked his head, staring at his own hands. “Daniel was there with me the whole time.”
“That is not possible.”
“I don’t know maybe it was just my body acknowledging what was around me, but it’s true, right? That you only took my hand at that moment. Why?” Buck finally looked up at him, blue being shiny and wanting an answer like it was all the other needed.
“Because…” Eddie took a deep breath, remembering how much it had hurt to be by Buck’s bed and watch a machine push air into his lungs, having machines making his body work without any assurance that Buck would ever wake up. “I felt like I wasn’t allowed, I didn’t know if you wanted that. Because I was scared to cross that line.”
He watched as Buck nodded as he had suspected of that being the answer, he then moved forward to the edge of the couch.
“It started when you got shot.” They had talked about it before, but not about everything that came with it. “I came here to talk with Christopher and after that, I stopped at your bedroom, I just couldn’t. Because you weren’t there, you were in a hospital bed, and I was here.” Buck seemed lost on those memories for a bit and that was when Eddie reached for him, gently wrapping his fingers around the other’s wrist feeling the quick pulse.
“I couldn’t sleep in your bed back then, and I can’t now, not until you are there too, or I would be crossing that line.” He finished.
A line that has been keeping them both apart and yet so close together. A line they have been walking for years, tips of their toes stepping on it but not really crossing it.
“Are we ever going to cross it?” Eddie felt his heart in his throat, years of avoiding it, and they were here now, face to face.
“Once we cross it…it’s broken, there will be no way to put it back in the same place.” Buck’s voice was low, but his eyes were intense staring at him, expecting. Hoping. Giving. Screaming for him.
Eddie was still holding the other’s wrist, at this point, he didn’t know which of them had their pulse so quick. Probably both of them. They barely had any space between them, breathing the same air, and then it was just natural, soft and gentle, a press of lips. Eddie had imagined that their first kiss would be hungry and maybe desperate but then again it was them. BuckandEddie .
Buck moved his hands to rest on Eddie’s thighs as he got closer, breaking apart and the older man tried to follow those lips that had ripped the carpet from under him. There was a bit of doubt in the blonde man’s eyes and for a moment Eddie forgot that sometimes Buck needed to hear it more than just see it.
“Evan…” Eddie smiled widely when he saw the other melt at the name, ducking his head adorably, so he made Buck look up at him, holding his chin gently.
“Are you going to ask me to marry you? Because when you say my name like that, there is always a big reveal after.” It was clear that Buck was trying to joke around, to not show his insecurities.
“I will if I have to, if that is what it takes for you to believe that I want you in my life as more than just a friend.” Eddie knew that he had to be careful with the words he chose, he had been getting better at it.
“Eds…” Again Buck was ducking away, even if they couldn’t come back from what had just happened.
“I mean it. It took me a long time to understand, but I think deep down I already knew it when I put your name on the will for you to be Christopher’s legal guardian. I didn’t want you to ever leave us.” He almost didn’t finish his sentence with the way that Buck closed the distance between them.
This time, it was how Eddie had imagined their first kiss, hungry, needy but in both kisses, it was clear how much love there was between them, it had been there for so long that any touch would show that. He could feel Buck pressing his tongue against his lips, almost as if he was begging for it and as always Eddie just gave in.
The position was uncomfortable for both of them, their knees knocking on each other and both of them too leaned forward to be good for their back, so eventually, they pulled away.
"You are allowed to be in my bed when I'm not around." Eddie wanted to make that clear if the kisses hadn't been enough.
"You are welcome to take my hand whenever you want…hopefully nowhere near a hospital." Buck tried to keep his face serious but didn't last long as he ended up falling into a fit of giggles.
Eddie just loved the sound of it, seeing how freeing it was for the other and how he had been the one to provoke it. He had been honest with his answer; he knew that Buck was who he wanted by his side for the rest of his life. Maybe one day he would really pop the question.
Eddie thought that it would take him longer honestly, to get those three little words out. He was better and better everyday but it came out when he least expected it.
It was a bad day, their shift had been chaotic. He hadn’t been able to sleep because there was always a nightmare chasing him in his dreams. It had come out of his mouth without a proper warning.
Chris had already been in bed and Buck was still taking care of the dishes after making sure that they had everything ready for the next day, had even made a grocery shopping list which he hated. But it was their way to have a little bit of control after bad shifts.
Eddie just stood there, in the middle of the kitchen staring at his best friend that was actually his boyfriend now. Everything about Buck being there seemed to fit, if it was any other person Eddie might panic but not with him, because this was their home, with all the laughter and tears, with all the chaos and quietness of late nights.
“I love you.” He should be scared, he meant those words with every cell in his body.
Buck ducked his head like he always did when he was complimented, especially by Eddie. His smile was full and honest, blue eyes glowing with happiness that he couldn’t contain.
“I love you too. If that wasn’t clear yet.” Buck’s voice was full of emotion, and he knew what probably was going through his mind because it was the same as his own.
How could I be this lucky? Do I deserve it?
Without any doubts about his feelings, Eddie strolled through the kitchen ending the distance between them until he could hold Buck’s face in both of his hands while they kissed.
“We deserve this…we do.” He whispered once they pulled apart, Buck shivering until his touch and his words. They both needed to start believing those words and together they would.
+++
Buck had never thought that his life could be like this, yes he had imagined having a family but no one had even stayed for long for that to happen. Not until Eddie.
They had built a family together before even building a romantic relationship, that had been how he ended up at least once a month at the zoo with Christopher. Most of the time it was just the two of them so that Eddie could take the time to take care of other things. Buck never minded because he really love Chris.
But this time was different, this time was the first they had gone there since they had told Christopher about them. About how a few things might change but in the end, it would always be like they were so far.
They have seen most of the Zoo even before lunch, so now they were sitting in the grass taking a few bites of the sandwiches that Buck had prepared them. Once they finished them Christopher seemed distracted by a few dandelions spread around them.
“They remind me of mom.” Christopher must have noticed how Buck had been staring at him. “We used to spend hours in a park nearby our house, she would blow them away and I would chase after them.”
That seemed a good memory, however the smile on Christopher’s lips was sad, he was getting older and had grown so much in the time they knew each other.
“I don't want to forget about her.” He confessed, green-blue eyes shining back at him.
Buck opened his arms and let the young boy settle in between them, like his arms would be strong enough to protect him from everything even memories that could slip him.
"You won't, she will always be with you." Buck said gently as he pointed into Christopher's heart making the boy look down and his hair tickling Buck's nose. "She loves you and she will always be watching over you. Me and your dad will always make sure that she is around."
"Even if you and dad are dating now?" Christopher peeked from behind his glasses as he tried to look up.
"Especially now, she was amazing and she gave your dad the best gift ever and now I can share too." Buck smiled widely not looking away from those inquisitors' eyes. "It's you. Your dad will always love her and so will you, okay?"
Christopher nodded as he looked back to his hands, now he held a dandelion in them.
"If you ever miss her and need to see her just tell me, okay? I will drive us to the nearest park so we can chase dandelions in her memory." Buck offered and he could feel Chris relaxing into him.
The boy blows the flower making all the white seeds fly away, younger kids, and toddlers chase after it like he had done years before.
"Dandelions thrive in the hardest environments
Just like you, dad, and your mom." Buck acknowledged, even though he was feeling a bit sad
"And you. But we are together so we can fight together, just like the knight, the prince, and the king." Christopher reminded him, just like in their story.
Getting back to work had been better than Buck had expected. He really didn't expect to have his best friend to kiss him right after his first shift back with the team.
Still, when the bell rang they headed for the trucks as a true team and a true family, Buck just needed to look to his side and see his partner to know that everything would be alright, there was nothing that would change their dynamic, they had promised to be professionals and they were keeping that promise so far. Their matching grins probably didn't escape the others' eyes, but he was so happy that he couldn't care.
To be wanted was what he had been searching for his whole life, but he got it better. He wasn't just wanted, he was loved and with every day, it came easier to believe that. It came easier when that love was found in the best friend that you never thought you could have. In a family, you never imagine belonging to.
Buck didn't even imagine what was to come in his future, but he couldn't wait for it, not now when every piece was in the right place.
Two hearts colliding in the best way possible.