Chapter Text
"You ever hear the story of the rabbit and the cassis?"
"No. You're just making things up at this point."
"Hey, sorta! I read it in a book."
"So? That just means someone else had to make it up. It's not any more real just because somebody wrote it in a book."
"Pretty wise, girl. I was thinkin' in the opposite direction."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, when we say we read it in a book, sometimes that makes folks perk up their ears. But you're right. That just means someone else made it up! And there's no difference between the stories I make up and the stories I read in a book. Hey, I could even write a book myself, and you'd never know that I was readin' my own story in a book. So if there's no difference between me tellin' you a story of my own and me readin' about it in a book, what's stoppin' you from listenin' to the story I tell just the same?"
"Well if you make up a story, then you could make up a story with a moral that fits whatever you're trying to convince me of."
"What if I'm not tryin' to convince you, just sharing stories while we're on break?"
"Don't give me that bull. Stories are all trying to convince each other of something. Maybe we're trying to convince ourselves. Maybe we're trying to convince other people. Maybe we don't even know we're trying to convince anyone. But we don't want to be the chumps running around with totally messed-up points of view, so we stuff our point of view into a story and we pretend like that's just the way the world works. If we can call it the way the world works, we don't have to sit there thinking about how it's really only our point of view."
"...dang, girl."
"What?"
"Nothin'. You got me thinking. Showing off your talent show to me right now on a break. I'm flattered."
"What's your damage? What's with all the intellectualism lately?"
"Pfft. I'm trying to pass the time. So how's that different from readin' a story in a book? What stops me from finding a story I agree with before tellin' it to you, same as I would if I were just makin' it up on the spot like you say?"
"Because at least you're wasting more of your own time finding a story that fits and less of my time on all this useless trivia."
"It's not useless. Look how much better you did last trivia night."
"For your sake."
"Ooh, zing. True. Useless to you. So, while I stick a dunce cap on my head for being so useless, gonna let me share my story or not?"
"Fine. Whatever. As long as it keeps your trap busy."
"There was a rabbit passin' by who saw the sweetest, plumpest, juiciest cassis she'd ever seen."
"The what?"
"Cassis. Black currant. Kinda looks like grapes when it's on the shrub?"
"Okay, sure. Go ahead."
"So the rabbit tried everything she could think of to grab that cassis. She shook the tree. She headbutted it. She leaped higher than she'd ever leaped before. But she couldn't reach the cassis."
"Sounds like somebun needed to git gud."
"Did you just say...'somebun'?"
"Someone? Get those ears checked along with those eyes."
"Technically my hearing and vision should be fit as the same fiddle from the second I went Reaper."
"Then maybe you've had a hearing and a seeing problem the whole time. That's possible isn't it?"
"Guess so. I've gone this far without noticing it. I can probably go a little longer. So, the bunny couldn't jump high enough to get the cassis. You wanna bet what her response was?"
"..."
"Oh, hey, nailed it. That expressions's pretty close!"
"Seething at having her time poured down the sink?"
"Pretty much! The rabbit started to sulk around and say to herself, 'I bet that cassis was really sour anyway. I bet they taste awful. I bet they're all full of worms. I bet that anyone who tries to eat them is gonna get sick to their stomach. I bet that the fact that I didn't get any doesn't matter 'cause they sucked to begin with.'"
"So it's the 'fox with sour grapes' story with more steps."
"A-ha! So you knew this story!"
"You changed out the characters! I didn't know it right away! If I started telling a story about a dog and a bone out of reach, people could think it's a million other stories about dogs before they figure out I just reskinned the sour grapes story!"
"Touché. Wise of you to keep an open mind about these reskins instead of jumping to conclusions, like you already know the story."
"I do already know this story. Wise? More like gullible and easily tricked into time-wasting."
"What makes ya say that, girl?"
"The second you started talking about animals and fruit being waaay too high above, I thought of the fox cursing out the sour grapes story. But I didn't want to ask about it."
"Sounds like that makes you a good audience. Even if you know how the story's gonna end, you could like the way it's told. Betcha I told it differently than you'd tell it, and you'd tell it differently than all the other Reapers loafing around in Dead God's Pad, and every one of those Reapers would tell it differently from any other."
"Yeah, well. I didn't say anything because I was hoping for a different ending."
"Aw, girl. C'mon. This ain't your first rodeo."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I stargaze. Same stories crop up every time. But it never gets boring, 'cause the stories differ a little bit in their details. The same friendships, loves, betrayals, good jobs, bad jobs, illnesses, accidents, deaths, births, family drama, secret meetings, holding hands down the street—I've seen it all. Don't think there's anything Shibuya could show me that I haven't seen before."
"Because you think it's homogenising or whatever?"
"Nah. Because human lives repeat. There's only so many stories you can tell in Shibuya. Most people have pretty similar lives."
"What is this? A cry for help? Saying that stargazing has finally gotten boring?"
"Boring? Nah, girl. No way."
"..."
"Like I said: the stories repeat over and over, but the devil's in the details. Even if I already know the ending, it's fun to watch. It's why I keep reading books. You better believe there's nothing new under the sun. Doesn't stop me from enjoyin' the way this story's put together even if it's just saying the same things I already know. Otherwise what's the point of readin'?"
"So you're fine reading the same story over and over again."
"I'm fine with the same endin', 'long as the story has some new details. Look, girl, every story in the RG has the exact same ending, period."
"What? Death?"
"You bet. Everybody dies. The end. How they get there—that's a story worth tellin' and stargazin'."
"And every relationship ends."
"Sure does. And sometimes they get back together. Isn't that right, partner?"
"I was talking about romantic relationships, but sure."
"But you're right. Sometimes we'll end up breakin' up our partnership again. Maybe temporarily. Maybe permanently."
"What the hell? You're just resigning to it? You don't want to be my partner?"
"Slow down there, cowgirl. No need to pop one in my head yet. That's not what I said. I'd like to have you around for a long while. If our partnership ends with me gettin' erased by something or other, I'd call that a victory."
"...fine."
"What I'm sayin' is that someday, I'll get erased, or you'll get erased, or we'll end up breakin' up again for some other reason. Either way, it's not gonna last forever. So let's make the most of it while we got it."
"So you're 'making the most of it' by wasting my time with trivia nights and weird stories taking up my breaks?"
"What, you want me to stop?"
"...as long as you keep footing the bill for my ramen, you can tell me whatever you want."
"Ooh! Our relationship is transactional! Buying a willing audience for the low, low price of a bowl of ramen!"
"It's not like that!"
"Whoa. You can take a breather, there. That counts as medical leave, right? Not eating into our break time."
"I'm fine. Just. Don't make me say it."
"I'm the picture of innocence."
"You know the ramen bowls and the games and the competitions are just excuses."
"I know. But it's fun to hear it even if I know."
"Next time I'm gonna make you bet your stinking lollipops."
"Hey! We only bet non-serious things around here. Like bowls of ramen. But see what I mean? Even if I know the ending, it's fun to watch you tell the story."
"I don't know. I want other endings."
"Other than death or erasure? Not gonna happen."
"No, I mean—rrrgh!"
"Don't pop a blood vessel. You'll be the first Reaper with high blood pressure. A world record!"
"I want other endings, Kariya! I don't want to go through the same thing over and over again! I don't want to keep going round and round the canon, not even if it's the Canon in D. I don't need a definitive ending. I'm not asking for a marriage, for crying out loud! I just want out of this canon or whatever. I want an ending where I don't have to learn a lesson. I just want to be happy for once. I want to break the cycle."
"Have you tried getting better taste in women?"
"What the hell?"
"I'm just sayin'. Maybe if you quit starin' at the moon—"
"First of all. It's better taste in people. They don't have to be women."
"Zing. So, what, I'm in your hitzone?"
"Gross. No."
"Ooooh, now you're hurtin' my feelings."
"You're not my type. Not romantically, anyway."
"Well, I'm honoured."
"Honoured?"
"Yeah, girl. I thought I was just categorically out of the runnin'. Instead you're telling me I'd hypothetically be in the runnin', except you booted me right out."
"And you're honoured about this...why...?"
"'Cause that's not what floats my boat, girl. Means I don't gotta worry 'bout that with you."
"Uhh, what? Did you hit your giant head too hard last time you tried to rollerblade down Shibuya? Doesn't it make more sense not to worry about it if you're 'categorically out of the running' or whatever?"
"Nah. It's like the rabbit and the sour cassis. If the rabbit can't have the cassis no matter how high she leaps, she can spit at it and pretend it was sour—tellin' herself that it would've tasted like crud even if she'd nibbled on some. But if that rabbit had the cassis right in front of her and decided not to eat it, it's a lot more, man. What's the word?"
"...real?"
"Yeah, sure. It's a realer decision. You could have all this cassis. You're not pretendin' it's sour 'cause it's too high out of reach. You're sayin' no when I'm right here."
"And you're honoured?"
"I'm flattered, girl. Means I trust ya when you say you're gonna stay my partner."
"You're a weirdo."
"So are you, since we see each other the same way. Or similar 'nough, anyway."
"I'm not exactly flattered."
"What, you wanted me runnin' after you? Humming Canon in D?"
"Ick. No."
"Then what's up?"
"Why the hell should I know? It's not the most confidence-boosting thing in the world to hear, 'Hey, you're not dating material. Get outta here, loser,' even if that's what you want to hear, you know? Like, I don't think of you that way and I don't want you to think of me that way. But when you say it like that, there's a part of me that gets offended and wants to ask you what's wrong with me."
"There's nothin' wrong with you. Dating's just too much work for me."
"Why did I even bother."
"So now I gotta ask you the same thing. What's wrong with me, if it ain't categorical?"
"...I don't want to be your ball and chain."
"Girl, you don't have to date me to ball and chain me. I ain't goin' anywhere."
"Yeah, I know, but—but it's different. Romance is different. Come on. You learned this when you were like five or something and saw two adults kissing for the first time. Well, I guess you weren't ever five."
"Bingo. But oh yeah? How's the romance that different?"
"You think it's different too. Somehow you think dating's 'too much work' but being someone's partner isn't?"
"I gotta kill my time somehow. And a pact's good for the Soul. There's fun work and there's work work. When we're rackin' up erasure for a bowl of ramen, and I get fifteen in a row with one shark, that's pretty fun. When I'm draggin' my heels over throwin' up Reaper walls down Udagawa, that's work."
"And this has to do with romance, how...?"
"Pokin' fun at ya with folk stories I made up and draggin' you to trivia nights is fun work. All that mouth to mouth is work work."
"What the hell are you talking about? Do you even have a romantic bone in your ice-cold undead body?"
"Guess not. Got me noodlin' around here like a jellyfish without any bones."
"Stop putting weird images in my head. Besides, one lazy bum is enough. If you started multiplying like a jellyfish, I wouldn't have enough hands to wrangle all of you into doing even one smidgen of work. Don't lie to me and say that more of you would get more work done. You'd just divvy up the amount of work you already had, so every one of you would do even less."
"Yup, yup, and yup. Look at how well you know me. You'd ace trivia night if the topic was me. So what's your excuse for not seeing me as datable material, girl? If you're dyin' to get mouth to mouth with someone?"
"Like I said. You're not my type. The end."
"And what type is that?"
"I—"
"The 'so much better than you by some arbitrary made-up measure that you don't ever have a chance to bag them, so you don't have to bother thinking it's even possible, because as long as you think it's impossible, the rejection doesn't hurt since you knew it was coming, but the moment that you actually go for someone you think you could actually reasonably get, then you have to think about the possibility of getting together, and then the rejection's gonna sting so much worse because it means you screwed up, so you keep going after people so far out of your league that you know it won't work out' type? Yeah, I hear that type's pretty popular these days. Not my thing, though."
"Wh...you..."
"Tell me if I'm wrong, girl."
"I thought one of them was in my league. On my level. Not above me. On the other side and hard to get to, but still here. I was wrong. But it's not like I only go after people who are out of my league."
"Reeeally?"
"Wh-what's with that!?"
"Hey, girl. I got a question to ask. What'd you really think of that person you thought was in your league?"
"Well, I...I knew she had an entire stinking gaggle of adoring followers hanging onto her. They would've clapped if she'd so much as sneezed. I never had that. Not even as GM."
"Hmm. Sounds really 'in your league'."
"Shut up! She was a Player! I was a Reaper! I am a Reaper! No matter what else, she was—she was—she was definitely below me. She wasn't my boss or my supervisor. She wasn't distantly above me in the ladder I was trying to climb. She wasn't even responsible for my paycheck! Are you telling me that someone's out of my league if I'm jealous for even a second? I have to think they're worse at everything ever for them to be in my league? Wouldn't I be out of their league? What do you want from me, Kariya? Not dating anyone the way you do?"
"Whoa, hold on there. You've jumped straight to the rodeo. Time-out."
"Fine."
"You want something to drink? It's on the house. I know it won't put out that fire, but maybe it'll keep your tongue from burnin' up before you can finish."
"I can pay for my own refreshments."
"Sure. How's about a tip from a friend?"
"Ugh. Do whatever. Just get me something cold."
"One cold glass of mystery liquid, coming right up. Let's see..."
"You took the wrapper off."
"So you can feel how cold it is!"
"It's brown. What'd you get me?"
"Cold."
"Why do I even bother? Fine. I'll drink your 'cold'."
"You're the one who wanted it."
"Whatever."
"..."
"You're right."
"Was I?"
"It's cold. Never get me whatever this is again."
"Gotcha. No more cold."
"What the hell? You can get me more cold drinks. Just not whatever this is."
"Wish I could check. Too bad there's no wrapper."
"You took the wrapper off, you lazy bum! Wait, are you trying to tell me something? I'm not getting the point of this little waste of time if that's what you were doing."
"Just messin' with you, girl."
"Are you?"
"I ask one question about your love life, and now I'm out to get you."
"What's the card up your sleeve? What trivia tidbit did you foresee I'm gonna get asked next trivia night?"
"I foresee...that they're gonna ask you why you're leapin' to conclusions faster than a bunny calling the cassis sour."
"Okay. Watch this. I'll show you what a big girl I am. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. See?"
"Wow, girl. Didn't know you had it in you."
"Ha—"
"You can count all the way to ten. They teach you that in preschool today?"
"Rrrgh! I was counting to ten! Taking a breath! Whatever you're supposed to do to stop snapping at people!"
"Zing. One more snap. Right for the books."
"I'm about to shove this bottle somewhere that not even the brass will be able to pry it out."
"Wow, and I thought you didn't want to date me."
"What do you want from me?"
"I'm just talkin' to my pact-partner. That not allowed anymore?"
"Kariya."
"Yeah?"
"I know. Okay? I knew back then, too. She was so much better than me. I didn't have a chance. And I didn't have you back then. I didn't have anyone. I don't even know how big the holes I was trying to fill up were."
"Couldn't even fill 'em with that bottle of 'cold'?"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to look for anymore. I haven't forgotten that story you told me. About the rabbit who stared at the moon, and everyone thought it was a love story, but really it was just staring at its own reflection, trying to figure out a way to put itself on the moon. There's no love there. Just, what's the word. Selfishness or something."
"Hey, I think there's been a li'l misunderstandin'. I was telling you that story for trivia night. There's a rabbit on the moon. In some of the stories, the rabbit pounds mochi. In other stories, the rabbit pounds the elixir of immortality for all the gods. There's stories with faces—human faces—on the moon. There's stories with bats on the moon. There's other stories with rabbits on the moon from waaay overseas that don't have anythin' to do with our moon bunnies. That story wasn't about you. No story's about you, unless you make it be about you."
"Great. So I'm the rabbit staring at the moon of your stories thinking they're all reflecting me."
"Hey—"
"I was the interim GM. I was basically in the Conductor's seat. And what? I was still waiting for someone else to pat my head and tell me I did a good job. What's the point of all these promotions? Maybe I am just waiting for someone else to enlighten me."
"Maybe it's about time you learned to stop and smell the concrete roses."
"I'm not you. I can't be you."
"What, am I out of your league, too?"
"No. I don't want to be you."
"Maybe that's why we get along so well, girl."
"But I don't know what to do. I want to make this job fulfilling for the other Reapers, but the Shinjuku Reapers taught me how good they have it. They're better as a business and they're better as a family. What do we have? A cutthroat competition that folds the second some other Reapers step in? If they'd wanted to wipe us out, they could've."
"Didn't help that I was rockin' the boat."
"But you're not the reason we had a boat to rock in the first place!"
"Touché."
"I got what I wanted, but I didn't get there the way I wanted to."
"Isn't the journey supposed to be more important than the destination?"
"Not if the journey you want is someone else patting you on the back and giving you a 'good job!' sticker. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm doing all this so I can be acknowledged by someone. And for what? Even if I get acknowledged and become Conductor, what then? There's no more promotions after that."
"Welcome to management in the afterlife. You've nailed it: the hierarchy only goes up so high. At least, if you want to stay as yourself."
"Yeah. I know. I heard your story. Your story, not the trivia night ones. I know there's nothing for me up there even if I did get promoted."
"A promotion that Conductor Ambitious doesn't want? I'm shaken."
"I want a promotion because I'm good at something, not because I can put my head down and be led around by a carrot on a stick. I want people to acknowledge me. Me, not how much I can shut up or follow orders or help someone else destroy Shibuya. I know I sound like a selfish brat for saying all this."
"Sounds like you're gettin' some self-awareness to me. That's the first step on the long journey to waking up, even if that awakening looks too far to bother with right now."
"I want..."
"Hmmm?"
"I don't know what I want."
"Pretty common. That's why we all the ads pepperin' the city. Fillin' in that gap and tellin' people what they want. It's easier to let someone else tell you what you want, ain't it? Takes all the struggle out of it."
"It's all mixed up."
"What is?"
"Maybe I didn't love any of them. Maybe I was just looking for someone I thought was better than me to show me the ultimate praise. If I couldn't get promoted up the career ladder, I could get promoted in my love life. Maybe that's all there is to it. Maybe I really was just staring at the moon and tricking myself into thinking it was a love story. She was a better leader than me. She was more put together than me. She was getting older and wiser in a way that I can't. Ever. I'm stuck like this. Forever. Until I give it up. Arrested development. Forever a kid trying to stand on her tiptoes. Trying to get just a little bit higher. Faking it with a leap if I have to."
"Hey, you could've warned me it was psychoanalysis hour. I could've pulled out my armchair and my Zener cards. Maybe even throw in a fake pipe."
"I don't want to think I didn't love them. Yeah, I did stupid things, but who hasn't done stupid things for people who—who make them feel that way?"
"Yeah, girl. Keep that CERO D rating."
"But maybe I didn't. Maybe I just saw people I wanted to be—people I couldn't imagine ever being—and I was trying to get them to acknowledge me. It would've been almost as good as a promotion. Maybe even better."
"Y'know, multiple things could be true at the same time. Pretty sure most people who start gettin' hitched like having their feelings acknowledged, too."
"But am I ever gonna stop feeling this way? Or am I stuck forever the way I was when I died? I know we get new memories. But do our brains really change, if the rest of our body doesn't? Am I just gonna be hearing the same song repeat for the rest of my life?"
"That's why most Reapers end up erased or moving up to branch managers and section chiefs."
"What?"
"It's a temporary stop on the road upwards. The Reapers' Game isn't meant to last forever. We've got Shibuya cookin' in a pot of slowly boiling water, tryin' to bridge the RG and the UG. Once the transformation's done, and the RG's got itself a collective consciousness just like the folks upstairs, there's not gonna be a use for the Game anymore."
"But—"
"Point of a talent show is to scout new talent. Now what do you do when the talent's all filled up? But that's not the point of what you were tryin'to say, girl. I was hearin' out your psychoanalysis."
"So you're saying I can't change? I'm stuck like this? Forever?"
"Were you waitin' until you turned a year older to change when you were in the RG? Is that how humans work? They get to make a change once a year on their birthday, and the rest of the time they're locked in?"
"What? No."
"Then what are you waitin' for, girl?"
"Wh—"
"Nobody's sayin' it's easy to change. But if you wanna change, there's nothin' stopping you, either."
"What? There's a whole lot of things stopping me! That's easier said than done! What the hell is your problem?"
"Need an ear cleanin'? I said it ain't easy. Could be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life."
"Well how am I supposed to know when I've changed? I thought I changed. I thought I was going after someone in my league this time. I convinced myself with all the Reaper and Player hierarchy junk even though I knew she had all the things I never had and never will. So who's supposed to—"
"You."
"What?"
"Only you can figure out if you've changed. Other people can sit in the armchair and give you their opinions. But it's gotta come from you in the end, girl. You're the only one who can promote yourself in the only way that really matters."
"Newsflash, Kariya. The other kinds of promotion do matter. Erasure is real. The power to distribute points is real. Even when I was wasting my time in the RG: money was real. And it would come back to bite you in the ass if you didn't take it seriously."
"Uh, yeah. You're right. I wasn't tryin' to say otherwise. Just bein' motivating, I guess."
"It's easier to be motivating when you've never had to worry about that kind of thing, huh?"
"Ziiiing."
"But whatever. I get it. I gotta figure it out on my own. I can't keep wallowing around telling myself I can't change. I just...have to."
"Don't let yourself start wallowin' in guilt at not changing fast enough, either."
"I'm not that stupid."
"Hey. I've been there. Then a spark of my partner's white-hot flame made me figure out I could change. I'm just returnin' the favour."
"But you said it had to be me—"
"No one ever said you can't get inspired or helped by other people, either. The awakenin' might be a long and distant process. But I'm just sayin' that the only person who can figure out how high you're leapin' is you."
"What if I don't want to leap the moon anymore?"
"Then you gotta figure out what you're doin'. Sometimes seein' what someone else does gives you that flash of an idea. It did for me. I didn't become you."
"Wouldn't spend so much time being on fake breaks if you were."
"Exactly. I didn't become you. I became myself. Stargazin' at you just helped me figure out what kind of 'myself' I wanted to be. Stargazin', moongazin', sungazin', earthgazin'—whatever you wanna do, girl."
"Fine. I could use a new challenge. A gaaame, I guess."
"Don't get so enthusiastic about it, now."
"Rrgh! I'm trying!"
"It's not easy when you're used to playing the same canon all day."
"And it wasn't even Canon in D."
"Did you want it to be? Do you want it to be, girl?"
"...someday."
"That's cute."
"Sh-shut up!"
"Hope you find better taste in people. In romance, anyway. Wouldn't want you finding another pact partner. I'm kiddin'—if that's what you need, girl, I'll still be here slurping up ramen in the stands."
"Yeah, maybe I do need to find someone who wouldn't extend our break for like an hour longer than it needed to be!"
"Ouch. I've been discovered. Guilty as charged."
"You little—"
"Girl. City's changin'. You can feel it too, right?"
"...yeah. And for once, it's not just homogenising."
"So you better change with it. Gotta show up three hours late to your wedding and say hi to your new wife or whomever before helpin' myself to the reception."
"Oh no you don't. You're gonna be there from the crack of dawn. I'm gonna work you so hard you won't even remember what stargazing looks like."
"Hey, you know, maybe gettin' a different pact-partner would be good for ya, girl."
"Now we've gotta hustle to make up for all the time you've wasted on this 'pep talk'. Do you even know how much daylight we've burned!? Rrrgh!"
"We're still going to trivia night, right?"
"I didn't hear about these stinking stories for ages three-and-up for nothing. Now move. Hop to it."