Chapter Text
Getting clothes was an entire endeavor in and of itself, Lee had realized, as Angel kept asking him for his opinion on things.
“No, I’m serious. This one, which is blue, or that one, which is purple. Which one do you think looks better on me.”
Lee wanted to mention that the fit, style, and pattern on both articles were completely different, too, but he kept that to himself - that wasn’t the point of this exercise. “I… I think both would look lovely on you.”
Angel gave him a look of deep disappointment, shaking their head slowly. “Nnnno. Try again. Which one is better .”
Sweat was nearly dripping down his back. This was scarier than killing a man.
“Um. Maybe… maybe the blue to go with your hair…? Unless you want to change your hair, then— maybe the purple?”
Lee fidgeted with his hands as he spoke, eyes darting around the store. He didn’t go shopping like this very often— he had seven pairs of shirts and pants in neutral colors that were all vaguely similar to each other, socks and underwear, and a few plain jackets. He had a white button up and a single black tie if he really wanted to look fancy.
Angel looked down at the choices, and then made a small hmph sound. They tossed the blue one back onto the cart, moving the purple one over to the reshelving section.
“I’ll teach you how to have opinions one of these days,” they mutter, as they do so.
“I have opinions,” he huffed. “You just really do look nice in everything… and I’m not good at fashion.”
Lee continued gesturing, making motions with his hands as he followed Angel around the store.
“I don’t think I have an eye for… aesthetics. You always look nice, really. It… depends on what kind of good you’re going for. It would be like comparing the effectiveness of fish that hunt and fish that filter feed. They have two different goals they’re trying to accomplish. Neither one is worse or better . And if I knew more about fashion, I would likely be able to go into better detail about the intricacies of it so I could help you effectively find something that suits your needs. But as of now…”
He tapped his nails against the handle of the cart.
“I know about lots of other things. Just not this.”
Angel just laughed, giving him a mix between a pat and a shove on the head. Like they were just fooling around.
“Of course you’d say that. It’s cute.”
There was that word again. Cute.
Their hand then… landed right next to his on the cart. They weren’t touching, no, but they were just close enough that the idea of it hung in the air.
Lee could just move his pinkie finger an inch, and it would almost be like they were holding hands. His heart pounded.
“But, ah… you know about colors and things like that,” he continued, swallowing past his nerves. He could practically feel the heat radiating off of their hand. “Because of your experience as an artist.”
He could do it. He could just… move closer. They probably wouldn’t mind— even if they did, they’d just move further away. They even placed their hand there themself, so close to his…! So surely if he moved a quarter of an inch closer, linked their pinky fingers together… it’d be fine? Right?
“Most of the stuff I do for colors is just bullshitting,” Angel replied, with a short huff of amusement. “I fidget with the little sliders until things just look right. It isn’t that hard once you just sort of know what looks good.”
Their hand relaxed on the cart, fingers splaying out a little more… but not close enough to touch, even still.
“I mean… I guess knowing what looks good is technically a skill, if you really wanna get into that, but… I dunno. I wanna wear something you like, is what I’m saying. I want to know how to dress up for you. ”
Lee blinked rapidly, overcome by emotion at the sentiment. “I— anything you wear is nice! I don’t want to… make you wear something you don’t feel comfortable in for my sake. It’d feel… inappropriate. ”
He just had to flex his arm muscles and slide his hand closer. Ugh, he felt like such a coward— just be a man and do it already!
Angel bumped their shoulder against his, but that wasn’t the same. They had shirts on, it was fabric on fabric. Their hands would be… no, he couldn’t. He couldn’t even look at them right now.
“Yeah? What kind of things do you imagine me in that’d be inappropriate? ”
His eyes went wide. For the briefest moment, he looked them up and down, before he turned his entire head away from them.
“ It’s—!! More! The idea of it is inappropriate— that it would be… objectifying. But…”
But they take comfort in that , the devil on his shoulder reminded him. Dress them up; more sold separately.
His ears burned.
“If… if you really wanted me to pick something out for you myself… I would. You wouldn’t have to wear it, obviously, but…”
Lee was gripping the handle of the shopping cart like his life depended on it.
He was looking away far too much to see it, but he could feel Angel’s sly grin just from the tone of their voice. “Yes… find cute things to dress me up in. Good boy.”
They said it in a way that made it sound like a joke, but the way it made Lee choke on his spit was very real.
It was kind of ridiculous how much of an instant knockout the comment was. He shuddered, stumbled a little. Cheeks flushed bright red.
“Um. Yes. Yes. I can do that. Um.”
He was looking around but his eyes were unfocused and glassy. Must have a lot on his mind, suddenly!
Internally, he felt like he was having full-on heart palpitations. His knees felt weak. Why did that get to him so much? What was wrong with him?
Okay. Focus. Focus.
Lee felt like something more explicitly feminine would be something he should leave in their court. They probably hadn’t gotten many opportunities to experiment with that sort of look on their own terms before since it was probably always expected of them.
So… something more masculine, then? Maybe a mix of both?
He glanced over to the menswear section.
A lot of what was over there felt… boring? Plain colored button up shirts and slacks.
Maybe…
Ah, yes! There was a more business-y looking section of womenswear. He headed over there with purpose, nodding to himself.
After a moment, he ended up finding a sort of pre-assembled outfit. Navy blue pants with gold buttons with a matching coat, and a lighter blue button up.
He held it out to Angel for inspection.
Angel nodded with what was hopefully approval, letting go of the cart to grab the outfit, holding it up to themself so that one could imagine them wearing it.
“Not bad, not bad… are you sure this is what you want to see me in? Not just trying to choose something I’d like?”
Well… it was, but…
It was trying to do it in a nice way— Lee would genuinely love to see them in anything, and this was fancy enough that the thought made him a little dizzy. Didn’t that count? Didn’t that mean something?
He couldn’t seem to focus his gaze on them.
“Um. It’s… both? I really do think you’d look nice in it. And, um…”
He rocked back on his heels. Maybe what he was about to say was too much. But… they wanted that. Right?
“If it’s too stuffy... um. You don’t have to button it up all the way.”
He went back to vice-gripping the cart handle. It was honestly a miracle he hadn’t left dents in the metal.
He was trying really hard not to think about it in detail, but… okay yeah, his head was spinning at the idea of watching them unbutton the shirt, just past their clavicle. He wondered how something less baggy than their usual clothes might fit them. He—
Bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. Stop it.
Angel giggled softly, a sound that was sweeter than the chiming of bells.
“You’re right. That’s pretty convenient. I’ll go try it on. See if it fits me.”
They slipped into a dressing room for just a second, but Lee couldn’t get the heat away from his neck no matter how many times he pulled at his collar. And just as he could feel a sliver of relief—
There they were again. Wearing it. Not theirs, not yet, but—
“...I think I might need to get a size up,” they mused.
He—
…
Ah. The fabric bunched tight around their arms a bit, when they bent them, tugging at the stitching.
But most notably, there were… gaps in between the buttons, the halves of the shirt tugged apart, exposing—
“…Ah. I’ll grab a bigger size, then.”
He turned on his heels, eyes once again unfocused until he got to the rack.
What size had he grabbed originally? He hadn’t been paying attention! What if he grabbed something that was too big and it offended them?!
Maybe he was overthinking this. His head was starting to hurt from all the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears.
He… grabbed a medium and a large. Just to be safe.
Angel just snorted. “...Okay, wise guy. I’ll see which one I prefer. I do usually like things a little baggier, but I don’t think that applies to something this fancy.”
Phew, they’d interpreted this social situation in a completely normal way. After a few moments more of debate, Angel decided that the medium fit them best. Lee had no biases on the matter at all.
”You look—“
He couldn’t even find the words, staring at them. His mouth felt so dry, his hands sweaty.
“Nice,” he croaked inadequately. “I like the… shapes.”
He was telling the truth— the more squared shapes made them look nice. But… their hair was a bit messy. It threw off the look a little bit.
Other than that… they looked fancy.
“Yeah? You like shapes and colors?” Angel laughs, “maybe that’s why you like my art. It’s all the shapes and colors you could ever want.”
They struck a pose. It was goofy.
“Another compliment. And then I’ll get this.”
Lee was the one buying. But…
“I… it makes your eyes look… lighter. More striking.” Yeah, that’s a safe bet. “Your eyes are always striking— so blue they’re almost gray. The dark blue makes them appear almost like rain clouds.”
He reached towards them, but… hesitated. Pulled his hand towards his chest again.
Angel reached out and grabbed Lee’s hand. And then—
Oh. His hand was on their shoulder.
“...”
They just stood there, staring at him. Expression perfectly neutral enough that Lee couldn’t tell what exactly they were thinking.
“Thanks,” they said, moving his hand back off of them, and then exiting back into the dressing room to get their regular clothes back on.
What…
Just happened?
His face burned. His hand burned.
“Um,” he stammered. “Sorry.”
He wasn’t sure what else to say. He felt… guilty? But he wasn’t sure what for. They’d literally forced his hand.
…
Their skin was warm beneath the fabric.
It didn’t used to be. Back at the clinic they were always cold. Clammy.
It was probably a good sign that they felt so, so warm— something good for their health.
…It was easier to pretend, even in his own mind, that he was excited for their sake. And that it wasn’t because he wanted to stick his hand under the fabric and—
He smacked the sides of his head with the heels of his hands.
Stop it stop it stop it!!!
He sighed.
“Hey, you okay?”
Angel was sorting through the things they were planning on buying, before looking back over at him. He hadn’t even noticed them return.
They… were frowning. “You’ve been acting weird all day.”
Lee pressed his lips into a flat line.
“I… yes. I’ve just been having trouble keeping my mind clear, that’s it. I don’t want to worry or upset you.”
“You worry me more when you act all like this,” Angel says, still folding. Still majorly honest. “Like you’re hiding something. Not that I think you are, just…”
They put everything into the cart. All ready to check out and head home. “I don’t want you to be stressing out, I think, is what I mean.”
He frowned. “I…”
Okay. He could be honest here, right? They were being so honest with him. He wanted to return that vulnerability.
“All of this feels… indulgent , for me. And… typically that sort of indulgence comes at a cost. It’s… something I was raised to expect? And the… emotional muscle memory of it is making me anxious. I’m having trouble believing that this many good things could be happening to… well, to me .”
He swallowed nothing, throat aching.
Their eyes widened. They weren’t expecting such a thought-out answer. “Aw, Lee…”
They reached over, holding his hand. Their fingers interlocked so naturally with his, as if they were made to slot into each other and never let go. “I feel… not the same, but similar. This is— I’d have dreams like this, okay? You never have to worry about… it being too much.”
They squeezed. Maybe, if they squeezed just a little harder, all of that guilt would be wrung out of him like a sponge, and he’d be cured. Just a little harder, and he’d be free.
“You’re buying me clothes. That’s… it’s a lot. I never got to have things as fancy as this.”
“It’s—“
He felt like he was suffocating.
“I don’t…”
Lee… choked. He couldn’t just say the things on his mind. He couldn’t say that he got a rush of euphoria that would put the hardest of drugs to shame at the idea that he gets to care for them like nobody else in this world. That he couldn’t just say that he fantasized about keeping them to himself forever like an art piece only he was allowed to interpret because nobody else seemed intelligent enough to understand.
“I… I’m having a hard time balancing it,” he managed. “Balancing… taking care of you myself and… letting you have control. I don’t want you to feel neglected, but I don’t want you to feel trapped either.”
“...Okay, well, I’m asking you to take me out to dinner tonight. And I’m gonna wear this cute outfit you chose for me, alright?” They ran their thumb against his knuckles, so gently that it almost made him shiver. “And I’m gonna feel good because it’s a nice treat that I get to share with you. Because I like spending time with you.”
“I— I like spending time with you too,” he choked. His body felt like a bottle of soda someone had shaken up. “You keep surprising me. In— in good ways! I just…”
He squeezed their hands in between his own, gazing down at them with aching fondness behind his eyes.
“I am just… so lucky to h-have you.”
Even just saying that out loud made his stomach flutter, half with affection and half with anxiety. How greedy, he told himself. How presumptuous.
But in return for his greed, he wasn’t punished.
Instead, they kissed him gently on the knuckles, smiling up at him as though he was someone good.
Someone who actually… deserved things.
“You’re… really something. You know that, right?” They whispered, like it was a secret kept between just the two of them.
What Lee wanted to say in response was: oh? or: am I?
What Lee actually said was a squeaking sound nearly at a frequency only dogs can hear. His face was bright pink, pupils blown wide. He turned his head away from them, eyes shut tight, like they were the sun and they’d burnt his eyes.
After a moment, he managed to stammer out a frantic: “ In public???”
Angel pulled away, but their smile went from a soft one to an amused one nonetheless. Never faltering, just changing. “What, you’re shy?” They ask, with a snicker. “...Makes sense, but still— I’ve seen couples do worse when I was on the clock.”
Couples?
Like. Were they. Comparing the two of them? To a couple??? He panicked, trying to shift the conversation.
“I, um… don’t have to deal with that much. On the rare occasion someone brings their domestic partner to an appointment, it’s… usually either a very concerning exchange or they stay silent.”
He hummed.
“I have seen quite a few couples stealing nitrile gloves by the fistful when they think I’m not looking, though.”
Angel snorts. “Really? Like— oh my god. Are you serious??”
They covered their mouth with one hand, as if to hold back their amusement at the situation. “How many?? ”
He couldn’t help it— their smile was infectious. Even if he didn’t entirely understand what was funny.
“More than they needed, surely. I started switching out the box for the worse brand before appointments when I finally noticed the specific couple that would do it.”
“It was a specific couple??” They asked, eyes widening. “Oh my god. Tell me everything. You can’t just say that and not elaborate.”
Hmm. That was… not ideal.
Sure, Angel wasn’t aware of what HIPPA entailed, but…
“I—I’m not allowed to reveal sensitive information about patients. But…”
He fidgeted with his hands.
“…But. Nobody needs that many pairs of nitrile gloves.”
“Nobody but you?”
They snorted it out, like it was a joke, but it was also… well, true. Nobody but a medical professional like him would need that many gloves. That was simple.
“Y… Yes. I admittedly do take a few pairs home myself every so often. It… helps when I have to do things like wash the dishes, or work on my truck.”
He opened and closed his hands, as if to demonstrate the necessity.
“Maybe they needed to wash their dishes. Or work on their truck.” Angel bumped their shoulder against his. “You wouldn’t know.”
…And then they winked. What did it all mean?!
“I wouldn’t assume anything if they wouldn’t… make it obvious, ” he winced. His cheeks darkened.
“Ohhhhhh? How so?” They’re clearly fishing for it. Maybe that’s what they were trying to do all along.
“They kept… giving each other looks. And texting each other while sitting in front of me.” Lee shuddered in distaste. “They were… young. Not underage, of course— I don’t take pediatric cases. But… young.”
“Hmmm. That does sound suspicious.” Angel taps their chin with a finger for a second. “Like, my age? Or like— barely able to drink?”
…Lee couldn’t say any specifics. But… well, he could beat around the bush a little more.
“Younger than you. But I’m afraid that’s all of the detail I can provide without potentially violating a few privacy laws.”
He hated not being able to spill everything to them. He wished they could reach wrist deep into his mind and yank every detail out. He wouldn’t spare anything if he wouldn’t get in trouble for it. His ability to provide for them was not something he could jeopardize.
They seemed amused enough by this, though. They nodded. “Mmmm. Yeah, that sounds like the type. To do that, I mean.” They wave their hands around. “When I was… well, that age, I think, I used to swipe pins from the Hot Topic pin bin instead. But I was single, so…”
Well, Lee already knew both of those things. Angel wasn’t really quiet about their shoplifting back in the day.
“I can just buy you pins if you want them,” he mumbled defensively. He didn’t quite like the idea of them having to steal things they want. Everyone should just give them things. Forever.
“I mean, yeah, but I didn’t know you back then. I was loose. Nobody out there to stop me.”
They say it jokingly, but… it still makes something twist in Lee’s gut. He wishes that he could have been there for them. He wishes that he could have helped them…
“Sorry,” he blurted out. “I… I wouldn’t have been brave enough to steal things for you. I was a cowardly kid.”
He was kind of caught off guard by how embarrassed and ashamed that made him feel. Murder was on the table, but swiping an anime pin from the Hot Topic tetanus trough was too far? What was wrong with him???
Angel seemingly thought the exact same thing, because this made them bark out a laugh so loud that other people in the store turned to stare. They hunched their shoulders up afterwards in embarrassment, tucking their hair nervously behind their ear.
“...You should tell me more about that sometime. Your childhood, I mean. I like learning things about you.”
They reached the self checkout - despite the store’s insistence on fanciness, it wasn’t that fancy. They started scanning everything quickly, trying to keep their eyes averted from the rapidly scaling pricetag.
Lee wasn’t even looking at the price tags. His cheeks were dark.
“I’m… afraid most of the stories aren’t happy ones. I don’t talk to my family much anymore— not unless I need to.”
He rubbed his arm with one hand, picking up the bags as he paid for the clothes.
“It’s okay,” Angel said, folding everything up neatly in the provided bags. “Most of my stories are like that, too.”
He paused, thinking.
“Then… mmh.”
He shook his head, biting his cheek. Too sappy. Too much. He didn’t want to scare them off.
Angel blinked. The bags were all gotten, but…
They looked back up at him, eyes wide. “...Did you say something?”
Oh. They didn’t hear it.
He swung his head around, cheeks burning.
“Nothing. It’s fine. Let’s… head home?”
He gestured toward the door with his head.
“Sure.”
They reached out, and held his hand(!!!!!), swinging their arms back and forth in tandem as they led him back home.