Chapter Text
James joins you in the living room and your heart stops. Gosh, he cleaned up nice. Wet hair, waving slightly, falling on his beautiful freshly shaven face, leather jacket, and a small grin on his face.
« Ready, Angel? Let’s go. » He asks you and you forget to breathe and just follow him. You leave the house and he holds the door of the car for you.
He drives cautiously, constantly glancing at you with a little smile.
« So, are you going to tell me what this is all about? » he asks, playfully.
« Sam asked for my blessing to propose to Steve! » You answer, gleeful.
« Wow. » He answers softly. He seems… a bit distant, lost in thoughts.
« We’ve been ring shopping all afternoon. » You giggle at the memories of Sam panicking facing all the rings available, as James parks the car at the hotel.
Gosh this is a nice place.
He opens your door and gently takes your hand.
At the front desk, the clerk hands him the keys. James leads you to the elevator and you lean into him. This is nice. You’ve missed this. Him, so close to you.
The room he chose is beautiful.
James closes the door behind you, takes a deep breath. He looks at you softly and slowly pushes you against the door and starts kissing you, his hand on the back of your head, protecting you. It’s slow, dedicated, like a question. Like he’s not sure he’s allowed to still do this.
You answer him gently, scared. You’re both half-expecting the other to end this and freak out. But none of you does.
When you catch your breath, he whispers « Settle in, I’ll get the bags. »
You sit on the bed, touching your lips, reliving that kiss.
Taking in the room, you’re very aware James booked only one room, with one bed, and you haven’t slept in the same bed in a long time, because he was scared he’d hurt you.
So, you feel hopeful he’s actually getting better and might start accepting to share a bed again.
He comes back and the way he looks at you, sitting on this bed… There’s something dark, primal that flickers in his eyes.
« Do you like it? »
« Yes, it’s beautiful James! Thank you! »
He takes off his shoes and jacket. You can’t help but stare at the show.
He hesitates, catching your eyes on him.
« You… You’re ok with…? » he asks, glancing at his amputated arm.
So you get up and gently lays your hands on his broad chest.
« Yes, James. »
« Don't you… think I’m a monster? » he whispers, buried in your neck, voice breaking.
« No… I never thought that. I think you’re incredibly brave, strong, kind, talented… You made sure my ex would never hurt me again. You infiltrated Hydra, even if it cost you so much, destroyed them, but yet you still found me after all that, even if they had erased so much of you. » You whisper back as you slowly unbutton his shirt.
You delicately slide it off him, and nest against his bare skin, warm, comforting.
His arm wraps around your waist and he kisses your hair.
« Angel… I have nothing to offer you… » he confesses, utterly broken and vulnerable.
« James… You gave me everything I ever needed, everything I never had… You listened to me, you held me during the darkest days, you’ve been my friend when I was so lost… »
He tenses up.
« Friends… Is that what you want us to be? » he asks, voice raw, possessive. Like the beast is still lingering deep in the back of his mind.
You let out a deep breath. Time for honesty.
« James… When we were in Europe… I… I started hoping we’d become more than friends. You’re so perfect… And the night before you left, I thought… I thought we were going to officially be together…but then you were gone. And I don’t know what we are, now. And I’m terrified to hope for more than friends, just to see you disappear again. »
You hear his heartbeat quicken.
« Angel… »
You look at him. So beautiful.
« I’m not perfect… I’ve killed a lot of people, willingly or not. I’ve… serviced a lot of horrible men. I don’t deserve you. » he says, eyes wet.
« But, what do you want, James? »
His eyes widen.
« In your perfect dream, what do you want? » You insist.
He takes a deep breath, and dips his head to kiss you with passion. This time, there’s nothing tame.
And then he says it.
« This… I want you. I want to feel you fall asleep against me every night and see you wake up every morning in my arm. I want to make you smile. I want to make you laugh. And… I want to give you happy sounds.» his voice trails off as he kisses your neck.
You caress his back gently. He remembers. Gosh.
« If you’d let me… I’d stay with you forever, my love. » he whispers, begging.
« Please stay. I love you, James. » I murmur and he takes my hand to lead me to bed.
You lay there, staring at each other.
You caress his warm skin, and reach for his scarred shoulder, keeping your touch light.
« Does it hurt? »
« Not anymore. »
So you move to lay your head on his amputated shoulder and he kisses your forehead. It’s so tender.
« So you remember everything now? »
« Yes. »
« Remember the old lady at the hospital in Romania? What did she tell you? »
He chuckles.
« She said I would give you beautiful children one day. »
You stare at him, eyes wide.
« What did you answer? »
« That you’d have to accept me as a husband first. »
« You guys were writing a full Romanian rom-com right under my nose, and I had no idea! »
He gently kisses your temple and whispers in your ear.
« I don’t think you have any idea what’s been going on in my mind since I’ve met you, doll. »
« Yeah? Tell me. »
He takes a deep breath.
« I… escaping Hydra that first time, it was terrifying, I nearly bled out in that alley, I could feel myself die, I was so weak… and then at the hospital you were here, so pure and beautiful. The way you took care of me… you were an angel, so calming and gentle. It felt like you could understand how scared I was, and you gave me just what I needed. But when I saw your wrist, then heard you lie to the doctor, as he was mumbling in Romanian about men like these, I decided I had to get better and I would kill the guy who had dared to hurt such a sweet creature like you. But you were gone. I insisted on the hospital giving me early discharge, as I needed to work my way out of the country. Then I tried negotiating with that hotel manager to work there, as being in the streets would have been too dangerous with Hydra breathing down my neck, but he was giving me a hard time, saying I’d scare the clients away. He wasn’t wrong. I was loosing hope, until you showed up and I swore I though I was dreaming. I wanted to thank you but you invited me in before I could. I couldn’t believe how kind you were. Then the waitress told me what your boyfriend had done and I swore to protect you… » He speaks in a low, velvety voice.
« You did. You did protect me.»
« You gave me my life back, Angel. I’ll never be able to repay you enough for that. And I’ve tried to behave, but I swear sometimes when I look at you… »
« What? »
« I… get possessive. And I know I have no right to you... » he murmurs, ashamed.
« I mean… it would break my heart to see you go and marry some stranger, so I guess we’re even. » You try to answer lightly, but he can see right through you.
His arm wraps around your waist.
« That’s not happening. »
« But you’ve never… made a move on me. »
He frowns.
« Because you deserve better than that. And I wasn’t worthy of you. »
« You are, James. You’ve always been amazing. You were kinder to me from day one, without even knowing me, than my long term boyfriend who would never hold my hand in public. »
Silent, he just caresses your belly. Which is far for flat. It’s warm, calming.
You let out a deep breath and kiss his chest. He shivers.
« I’m getting the new arm next week. » he whispers.
« How do you feel about that?
« I hope you’ll like it. »
« James, I love you any way. If you get the new arm, it’s for you. »
« If I get the new arm, it’s to be able to protect you better. And to hold you in my arms. »
« James… you don’t have to. Your life doesn’t have to revolve around me. I’ll be here anyway. »
« I wouldn’t be alive without you. And I want this. Life without you… it wasn’t great. »
There’s so much sadness in his voice.
You kiss him and he answers with intensity.
« How did I get so lucky? » he whispers.
You smile against his lips.
This man who got so deeply hurt and used is finally having a little of the happiness he deserves and it warms your heart to help him see how much he deserves to be loved.
« You know… For a long time I thought no one could like me, and I fought the crush I had on you because I thought you probably just saw me as your exit ticket. »
It’s your turn to let your vulnerability show and he flips you over on your back, staring at you with confused eyes.
« What? » he growls, hovering over you, eyes widening in shock.
You caress his beautiful face and he closes his eyes.
« I was madly in love with you from the beginning, doll. From the moment you held my hand at the hospital, I was yours. If I failed to show you how much I care about you… That’s on me. » he says, broken.
You caress his back and feel him tense up.
« Doll… if you continue… » he whispers, his voice dark.
« What are you going to do about it? »You massage his lower back.
He groans.
« I’m going to prove to you how much I love you. »
So, he does.
He’s incredibly attentive, caring, comforting. He covers you with kisses and his hand brings you to ecstasy, lowering from your belly to your core.
His lips never leave yours. You’ve never had that, someone focusing on your pleasure alone, and not trying for more. It feels incredible.
Afterwards, feeling completely high and fuzzy, you just nest against his neck, breathing him in.
When he takes you to the shower and cleans you with so much love, you shed tears against his chest.
He holds you, smiling, reassuring.
« Come on doll, I’m taking you to dinner. » He holds your hand proudly as you slowly walk in the streets.
The restaurant is very romantic, flowers on the table. The food is delicious, but it’s the smile on his face your addicted to.
« What? » he asks, as you stare at him.
« You’re smiling. It suits you. » he blushes. It’s adorable.
« I’ve missed this… remember Europe? » He says.
« Yeah. I’ve missed this too. I’ve missed you James. I know you needed time to heal after… everything, I think we all did, but it was so hard seeing you avoid me. »
He nods.
« I’m sorry doll. I… I was terrified I’d hurt you. Because the Soldier… if people were scared of the White Wolf, let’s say the Soldier was way worse. But when I realized you were missing, and I got so mad at myself for not realizing you had gone, and I committed myself to following your trail with everything I had. When I found you… gosh. You were so cold, not answering me, I thought you’d never wake up. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I can’t loose you, Angel. »
His eyes are wet, haunted.
« James… I’m sorry. I… I’m glad you found me, and forgave me. »
« There’s nothing to forgive, Angel, not on your part. I’m the one who let you down. I won’t let you down ever again. »
He squeezes your hand.
The rest of the meal passes in quiet conversation and then you walk back to the hotel. He still holds your hand proudly.
It feels so nice.
You get ready for bed, and you see the way he looks at you in your simple white lace nightgown.
« You’re so beautiful. Come here? » he asks shyly, opening the duvet of the bed.
You join him, and nest against his side as his holds your waist.
You caress his chest and he purrs, kissing your forehead.
« Angel… when you called earlier… asking to let the guys have the house tonight… I thought, maybe I still had a chance with you. Maybe I could still fix everything. You have no idea how happy you make me. I promise I’ll do everything to make you happy.»