Chapter Text
Hare blinked open her eyes and immediately knew she was in med bay. The familiar smell of chemicals and chill irritated the gaping hole in her chest where her heart once beat. She didn’t really remember much, just that Fox was dead and she had nothing left. It was gone. Everything she’d hoped to change for the better.
Destroyed.
The throbbing pain, like a heart beat, slowed until it too died behind her ribs. The chill of the medbay crept into her bones. Dead nerves no longer sent signals to her thalamus.
“Hare!” Her eyes slid to the side as Kix stepped into view. He smiled down at her, she could see dark circles underneath his eyes and clear signs he’d been crying.
“Glad to see you with the living.” Hare recognized that voice. Fives stepped up by her side, a grin on his face. She was surprised by how little she felt. It was like she’d been frozen.
She wasn’t in pain.
She wasn’t anything.
She’d never experienced this feeling of nothing before. Not even when she was first made.
Wait.
There was a time.
She gasped, holding her chest. A sob ripping out of her like something trying to break free from her chest. Her other hand grabbed her head as a memory of Fox flooded her mind.
No!
No!
She won’t think of it!
He’s gone!
It’s done!
“Aaaahhhh!” She screamed sitting up, fisting her pants legs. “Why?!”
“Please, Hare.” Kix tried to calm her down, his hand gently touching her shoulder. She flinched away. It felt like fire. His touch burned.
“No! There’s no point! It’s all lost! The Force has forsaken me. Don’t you get it?!” She knew her eyes must have been wild looking. She could feel the tears streaming down her face and spit run down the corner of her mouth. A fire burned through her like feeling returning to a cold hand.
“I didn’t help anyone! You’re all gonna die! And you,” she bit out staring into Kix’s eyes seeing fear grow. “You’ll be the last of us. You’ll wish for death.”
Fives and Kix shared a look of apprehension. Hare watched it feeling the growing panic in her withholding air to her lungs. Could feel the shake in her limbs as they slowly grew numb.
“Hare, what are the bones in the-” She felt a wave of anger burn her skin as Kix leaned closer.
“Everyone I care about is dead! Echo is gonna die! Fives is gonna die! Knockout! Bacta Squad! Everyone is gonna die! But before," she whispered suddenly. A sudden focus narrowed her eyes as images flashed before her eyes.
“But before that. We’re all gonna lose who we are. We’re all gonna stop being us. We’ll be no different then the droids we fight. We’ll be machines taking orders. Ordered to kill our friends. Ordered to betray those that care about us.” Hare could feel Fives’ hand burn her as he pulled her back from the edge of the bed and away from Kix.
“Hare,-” Fives tried but Hare turned on him. She could feel her teeth bare in anger and opened her mouth to say something. A sharp pain in her neck made her gasp. She turned to Kix as a wave of drowsiness crashed over her. Fives’ hand on her shoulder down guiding her to the bed again.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hare.” Kix whispered, leaning his forehead against her temple. “I’m so sorry.”
His touch burned. Her eyes blinked shut as they grew heavier and heavier. She could feel Fives’ hand still burning on her shoulder. She felt the dampness on her temple and her eyes closed.
When she woke up again, she was back in that numb state. But this time, Knockout was sitting by her bedside. He watched her warily as she simply stared at him.
“Hey. Welcome back to the land of the living.” He joked, a small forced smile. Hare stared, feeling nothing stir in herself. It was an odd feeling. Not an unfamiliar one though. Knockout’s smile fell and his eyes dimmed. He looked up and Hare followed his gaze. Kix watched her from the doorway.
“How are you feeling?” Hare just watched as he walked closer.
“I am well.”
Was that her voice?
Their voices were muffled but clear. Sounded like voice lines repeated from machines. Pieces to a game.
Things changed.
Would never be the same.
Time passed both quickly and slowly after they released her from medbay.
She was kept under watch for a couple weeks. Kix and Knockout were never far from her side as she continued to do her job. She had things to prepare. They needed to make arrangements for the new General. There was a new batch of shinies coming in that needed a full workup. There was stuff to be done. Vaccines. Reports.
“General Plo Koon will be arriving in the next–”
Hare tuned out Knockout as he continued to update her on the goings of the day. She’d been running on autopilot for a while. Honestly she didn’t know if she would ever be herself again. Fox died. Her Fox died. She knew she would lose him at some point.
She stopped abruptly as her thoughts began to spiral again, the pain cracking past the dam she’d put up. Knockout slowed to a stop a few steps away. He took a step towards her but she slapped her chest a few times, causing him to step back. Releasing a breath, she started back up again and did not acknowledge the moment she just had. Like slapping a droid that glitched.
“Har–”
“What else?” She asked, interrupting Knockout as he opened his mouth. Knockout let out a breath himself and held up the datapad. His eyes scanned finding where he left off.
“Everyone is getting updated shots today. We got the shipment in.”
“Show me.” Hare watched as some of the hope in his eyes died. He nodded and led her back to the medbay. The others perked up seeing her walk in but the air sombered as she walked past them to inspect the new batch of vaccines. Hare frowned, holding up a vial and inspecting it. Holding it to the light, she noticed the mixture looked different.
“Hare?” Kix called. “Is something wrong?”
“No. Administer these.” She offered the vial. Kix hesitated but nodded. Hare felt a brief pull of something. Something telling her to examine the vials more. To really look at them. But she brushed it off and stepped into her office. Closing the door behind her she was engulfed in darkness.
No light.
No glow from her desk.
No stars.
~*~
Hare stared down at the reports. All the numbers flashed through her mind, scorching themselves into her memory. She blinked sedately at Echo’s CT number. He’d been on a mission with Fives and Ahsoka. She sat the pad down and went back to typing up the death reports. She knew in the back of her mind that she should have more of a reaction. She should feel more.
Her mind flashed back to her finding Fives curled up in the medbay, where she’d found him and Echo so long ago, and heard his sobs. He’d looked up at her, his eyes searching her face, clearly looking for the kindness and kinship she’d once offered, but now she turned away and walked back to her office.
So much time passed…
Or did it?
An eerie calm filled the ship. The Wolf Pack and General Koon had been trying to ease their way into their ranks. Nothing had worked so far in bringing their morale back to its previous level. The troopers worked like a well oiled machine. They all did their duties. Some coping better than others, but it wasn’t the same. Hare barely left her office other than for meals and to shower. All of Bacta Squad had tried and failed to get her out more.
The losses of not only their General but many brothers in the battles were weighing heavily on the ship. They won the battles but with more and more death. More and more clones lost. But that was expected, wasn’t it? There would be loses. Expendable losses.
Hare looked up hearing a notification on her pad. She looked at it and it was an emergency meeting for all officers to attend. She gathered her things and left. The others knew that Kix was in charge now. He’d stepped in during her time when she wasn’t able to do much. And had now continued in her place. Hare passed clone after clone on her walk to the meeting room. Many watched her with sad eyes and others watched her warily. Some 501st and others Wolffe’s battalion.
She ignored the gazes of the other officers as she walked into the meeting room and sat down. She clasped her hands and stared at the spot where their General was standing. His face was blank but Wolffe standing next to him had a withdrawn and exhausted look. General Koon stepped forward, his hands clasped behind his back. Hare could see the pull between his brow.
“Some of you may have already heard about the attacks on the Kamino Facilities. I am deeply saddened to inform all of you that all of the facilities have been destroyed beyond repair. There will no longer be any troopers able to join us. The most recent group of troopers will be the last.”
Hare watched as the mood dropped drastically seeing all the fallen faces of both clones and natborns. More and more natborns had been introduced onto the ship along with the Wolffe Pack. With this recent loss and the destruction of the facilities, there would be no more.
The Force has turned against us, Hare thought quietly. So much death had happened since the loss of their General. Without Anakin, the Force seemed to slowly be bleeding out of the Galaxy. Life itself seemed to be slowing down, like the final heart beats. Hare wondered if she would be there for the Galaxy’s final breath.
“How many were lost?” Someone asked. Plo’s brows knit more and there was a shift in Wolffe.
“There were casualties, all of the embryos, all of the children were…lost. We are sending out teams to find them. But there has been nothing yet.”
Hare felt herself flicker back to the world for a moment, something almost like curiosity burning like an ember wishing to be a flame. But she smothered it out before it could spark to life.
This was her fault.
Hare thought she could change things.
Could fix things.
This was her punishment.
Her brothers.
Her family.
Would suffer more because of her.
The others continued to speak but Hare was no longer there. Another spark in her chest.A faint familiar tug from the Force. Hare ignored it as she’d ignored it many times before. She was brought back from her mind as others shuffled away. She stood but halted at the call of her name.
“Officer Hare, if you would stay behind. I’d like to discuss our mission in more detail.”
Hare waited for the others to leave before walking over to Wolffe and Plo Koon, standing at attention.
“With our impending mission on Umbara, I will need all medical to be prepared to assist Obi Wan and those injured upon our arrival.”
“Yes, sir.” Hare stared at Plo Koon’s mask, avoiding eye contact while still appearing at attention. A deep breath and then–
“If you ever-”
“Am I dismissed, sir?” Hare interrupted. Wolffe twitched by Plo’s side but Plo Koon nodded.
“Yes. You may leave.”
Hare turned and walked away with the dismissal and let herself fall back into the muddy waters of her existence. Hare informed Bacta Squad and left them to make preparations while she took up her own tasks.
~*~
Hare hadn’t had time to think once they landed on Umbara. It was almost immediate that her and Bacta Squad started into the fight. An occasional tug on her mind would distract for seconds before she threw herself back into the task.
She’d started getting migraines while on Umbara. The constant tug from the Force was annoying but manageable. Hare ignored the growing pressure behind her eyes as she tended to one of the troopers. She could hear another ship approaching and hoped it was more supplies. They were running low now that there was a lull in the firefight.
It felt like something grabbed Hare’s head and forced it to look up as a sudden quiet rolled through the troopers. Even the one Hare was working on fell silent. Hare wasn’t sure what happened next or how it even happened. But when she looked up one moment she was kneeling and the next her hand felt wet.
An arm was around her neck and another held her arm with the wet hand. Hare’s blood boiled and a roar sounded in her ears, muffling all the voices. Hare stared at the person on the ground, their face bloody. A hand covered most of the features but Hare recognized that face anywhere.
Anakin Skywalker laid on the ground clutching his now broken nose.
“Good to see you too, Hare.”