Chapter Text
When Shaw woke the next morning she felt like she’d been hit by a freight train. Her body felt everything, her head was groggy. She fought against her eyes to keep them open. Reaching out beside her the bed was cold, the spot next to her empty. Root wasn’t there. Her brow furrowed, as her fingers gripped the sheets where Root should have been in frustration.
Shaw’s neck felt stiff, she reached up and touched the side of it, feeling a slight twinge of pain. She ran her finger lightly over the spot again, gently, she could feel the mark. Swinging her legs off the bed she went into the bathroom, yanking her hair out of the way as she tilted her head and examined her neck in the mirror. She wasn’t wrong, it was a needle mark. Tiny and red, and right there on the side of her neck. Shaw ran her fingers over it one more time in disbelief before storming back out of the bathroom, she tossed the bedding, rifled through the drawers, sending things flying in all directions as she hunted for the culprit.
When she found nothing she sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her temples. Trying to remember the last thing that happened last night. She remembered coming home with Root. She remembered their quiet evening, they hadn’t spoken much still being at odds about Samaritan. Root had been on her laptop on the couch, her ankles crossed, glasses on the end of her nose, Shaw had been cleaning their guns on the floor in front of her. Root would occasionally sigh and Shaw would glance over her shoulder, but Root wouldn’t be looking. Although she would feel Root’s eyes on her as soon as she looked away.
Shaw tried to remember going to bed, she hadn’t suggested sleeping on the couch, that much she knew. But actually going to bed, her mind was clouded. She couldn’t remember the details. She felt her chest tighten.
“Root?” she yelled out, her voice echoed through their house. One, two, three seconds of silence. Followed by what seemed like an eternity more.
There were two potential scenarios right now, she thought. One, Samaritan had taken Root. Unlikely, but not out of the question. Or two, Root had chosen Samaritan, against Shaw’s word, over their marriage. Shaw’s jaw clenched, she got to her feet and went back into the bathroom, kicking their rubbish bin over and crouching down in front of it. There it was, under several tissues, the needle that Root had used to put Shaw out so she wouldn’t be able to stop her from leaving. From doing the one thing that Shaw had begged her not to. Shaw picked up the syringe, clenching her fist around it until she heard the plastic crack.
Her head pounded, but nowhere near as much as her heart was. She was mad. Furious even, that Root could be so selfish. But it wasn’t even that, Shaw knew that Root was doing it for her. But she didn’t want her to, and she hadn’t listened. Goddamn she hadn’t listened. Shaw felt like she had failed. She should have tried harder to make Root listen, to stop her.
Shaw stood in the bathroom feeling like her world was dramatically shrinking around her. She didn’t know why she had believed Root wouldn’t do this, her wife was just as stubborn as her, and if the situation was reversed Shaw knew that she would more than likely have done the same thing. To protect Root.
But this wasn’t what Shaw had wanted, not ever. She didn’t want Root risking herself, she didn’t want Root anywhere near those people. She shut her eyes her fists clenched. Root wouldn’t die, she told herself. She wouldn’t die. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. There was no way she would do that to Shaw. She couldn’t possibly be that selfish. Shaw didn’t know what to do with herself. She knew if Root didn’t want to be followed there was no way on earth Shaw would be able to find her.
Oh god Shaw thought suddenly, the thought crashing ungraciously into her head, what if Root is dead already?
Her jaw tightened. Her eyes opened. They were wet. Tears? She blinked several times. Two water slides wet her cheeks. She pulled her phone from her pocket, and held it up to her ear.
“A little busy here, I’ll get back to you” Root’s voice said down the phone, Shaw’s breath caught in her chest, what if this was all she was left with of Root. Her goddamn stupid voicemail. Like one of those tragic movies.
Beep.
“I’ll kill you,” Shaw said after the tone. “Honey.”
She hung up. She could feel her heart. That unfamiliar thumping in her chest that she had never noticed before. The back of her hand wiped her cheeks dry.
There was nothing more she could do. But that wouldn’t stop her from at least trying. Root was out there somewhere, she had to be.
“She’s not dead” Shaw muttered under her breath. “She’s not allowed to be.”
Shaw almost believed the words coming out of her mouth, she also for a split second thought that perhaps she would be able to feel if Root had died. She almost rolled her eyes at herself straight after that thought flickered through her mind. As if she countered the thought. A dead person is a dead person.
But Root, no. Shaw would bring her back from the dead and kill her herself if she had been so stupid as to actually march into Samaritan and try and take them out.
Shaw whistled for Bear, grabbing her jacket off the chair, and tucking her two hand guns into the back of her pants.
“Where did Root go?” Shaw asked the dog as he came running into the room. Bear looked at her and tilted his head to the side.
“Did she drug you too?” Shaw asked him and he whined. “Yeah we’re gonna have to talk to her about that, aren’t we.” Shaw said pointed at the door where his leash was.
She knew it was stupid she was even trying to hold out hope Root wasn’t out there being tortured and murdered by Samaritan, but she couldn’t face the truth right now. For once in her life, she just wanted to live in the bubble in her head where everything was actually okay.
As Shaw walked down the street she felt abused by the rest of the world, all the people of New York going about their everyday lives, their mundane lives, with their partners, and their kids. Not having to run from a super machine, not living in fear of being hunted down and killed. Most of these people probably weren’t even carrying guns right now, and if they were chances are they would never have to use them. She resented all the people passing her on the street, the woman on the phone to her husband making dinner plans, the father with his son, the teenager smiling at her phone. They didn’t have to worry about Samaritan, they didn’t have to even consider whether their wife was dead or alive at this very moment.
Shaw punched the crosswalk button, and the woman next to her took a step back. Shaw rolled her eyes. She was fuming underneath all the worry. It used to be the other way around, she used to just get angry and the worry would be drowned out. Not anymore. Didn’t mean she still wasn’t angry though, she could feel it pulsing in her veins. The one person in this goddamn world she thought she could trust, went and did the one thing that Shaw had asked her not to do.
She felt hot and shaky. Her head still felt groggy from the drugging. She didn’t even know where she was going. She glanced up at the camera above her.
“Should I even bother asking you?” Shaw asked. The little red light flashed at her. She almost laughed.
“Piece of shit, you’re the one that should be dead, not her.”
The call box beside her started ringing. Shaw’s entire body stiffened. She let it ring for a few more seconds before she took a step forward to pick it up.
“Sierra, tango, oscar, papa” the machine’s crackly voice spoke into her ear. Shaw’s jaw clenched. “Sierra, tango, oscar, papa” the machine repeated.
“Just tell me if she’s okay” Shaw said through clenched teeth.
“Sierra, tango, oscar, papa”
“Goddamn it, you know, you know exactly where she is so just tell me,” Shaw yelled down the phone. “Just tell me.” Shaw begged. “Is she okay?”
“Sierra, tango, os-“
Shaw slammed the phone down.
Stop. The Machine was telling her to stop.
“I am not stopping” Shaw said looking back up at the camera again, the infuriating red light still blinking at her cluelessly. “I won’t stop until you tell me where she is, or if she’s okay.”
Shaw walked away, even more frustrated and upset than before. She didn’t know why The Machine wouldn’t help her, especially if Root was in danger. Surely The Machine wouldn’t want Root to do this.
She walked past another payphone and it started ringing. She snatched it up.
“What?”
“Four, alfa, foxtrot.”
Shaw stopped.
“Four, alfa, foxtrot.”
“Why are you saying that? Four alarm fire? Did she tell you to say that?” Shaw asked.
The little camera light above her stopped flashing. She stared at it. One, two, three, four, it started flashing again.
“She told you to say that?” Shaw could feel everything inside her racing. Root was alive. She had to be.
“Thank you,” Shaw said as she hung up the phone. “Was that so hard?”
She still had no idea where Root was, but the chance of her more than likely still being alive was all that she could ask for.
*
Shaw had checked everywhere that she could think of. She was exhausted, and hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to wake up from all this and realise it was dream, or hell, even another goddamn simulation.
But it wasn’t, and she knew that. It was as real as ever. And the last place that she hadn’t checked was Finch’s. It was too obvious, and that wasn’t the kind of person that Root was. But nevertheless, the door banged open as she walked in, and down the stairs, Bear sniffed at the floor.
When she walked around the corner to the subway, she was immediately greeted by at least six different strangers.
“What the hell is this?” she demanded automatically reaching for her gun. Bear started barking and growling, tugging on the leash. The group of strangers looked up, startled, scared. On further inspection Shaw noticed they were all on computers, laptops, servers surrounding them, cords everywhere.
She walked closer, Bear still growling.
“Who wants to tell me?” Shaw said pointing her gun backwards and forwards between them. None of them managed to speak.
“Eeny, meeny, miny,” Shaw said and then rested her gun between the shoulder blades of the one guy who hadn’t looked up at her “Moe.” she said. She felt him freeze at the end of her gun. He turned around slowly, his eyes met hers. He swallowed hard.
“Who are you?” he managed.
“How about I ask the questions” Shaw said her voice low. He just nodded.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded. “How did you get in here, and who the fuck are you?”
“I, uh, we, just, um…” he was shaking. “They just said…”
“Whose they?” Shaw asked.
“The um, the hot one, and the old guy” he said. Shaw frowned.
“Can anyone here elaborate more than this stuttering fool?” she asked. The only girl in the group stood up. Shaw raised an eyebrow.
“Samantha asked us to help her.” the girl said. “She said it was safe here, and we’d be undetected.”
“Samantha” Shaw repeated.
The girl nodded. She didn’t seem scared.
“And what are you helping her with, exactly?”
“A job.” the girl said. Shaw knew she wasn’t going to get much out of them. They were all either too terrified to speak, or they were this girl and locked like a vault.
“Do you know where she is?” Shaw asked.
The girl said nothing.
“I said, do you know where she is?” Shaw repeated louder. The girl shifted and looked down.
“She didn’t say exactly where she was gonna be” she mumbled.
“Not good enough” Shaw said her gun still pointed at them.
“We honestly don’t know” the girl said.
“Gotta do better than that” Shaw shrugged.
The girl thought for a moment, everyones breath caught.
“We’re running our job through several other servers in New York, she could be at one of them” the girl said.
“Where.”
The girl gestured at one of her friends and he quickly started getting the address from his laptop and scribbling it down on a scrap of paper.
“here” he said handing it to Shaw without making direct eye contact. Shaw snatched up the piece of paper and looked at the couple of addresses scrawled with a shaky hand onto the paper.
She tucked her gun back into her pants and everyone seemed to exhale.
“If you’re wrong about this, I’ll be back.” Shaw said looking between them. “And I don’t want to have to come back.”
They all averted their eyes, and turned back to their screens silently. Shaw rolled her eyes tugging on Bear’s leash and spinning on her heel to the door.
*
Out of the two places they had given her, Shaw went with the unfamiliar one first. When she got there it was nothing but a door in a wall. A door made of steel, with indistinguishable words tagged across it. Shaw sighed pulling out her gun and shooting the lock before barging inside. She wedged a piece of wood across the door, before following the narrow dimly lit passageway. It took her until she had shot open the next bolt to consider the fact this could be Samaritan, although unlikely the definite chance she wasn’t about to walk into a bad situation couldn’t be ruled out. But it was too late for reconsidering. The door was swinging open, and she wanted her wife back.
Leaving Bear at the door she walked in, gun in her hand. She could hear the hum of computer servers running, but there was no sound of people, her footsteps echoed softly. She walked around the corner and saw the servers, almost creating separate rooms in the warehouse with their magnitude. Shaw hovered quietly beside one, unsure what, or who she would find around the corner.
Suddenly Root stepped around the server, gun pointed directly at Shaw’s head. It took them a split second to realise who they were looking at. That they were faced with each other.
Relief washed over Shaw, her wife was in front of her, not harmed, not dead. Everything inside her finally released, including her anger.
It took a split second. The gun pointed at her head, Shaw smacked the gun from Root’s hand, sending it flying, clattering to the floor. She grabbed Root by the throat, and slammed her up against the server.
Root didn’t even try to talk her way out of it. Instead she tried to push Shaw off. Grabbing her arm and prying it off her neck, bending Shaw’s fingers backwards an unnatural amount until Shaw flinched and yanked her hand away. Shaw cracked her neck to the side, glanced at Root and then went for her again, but Root knew Shaw too well, she reached around and pulled one of her guns from her wife’s pants, stopping her head in her tracks by plunging the end into Shaw’s stomach.
“You wouldn’t” Shaw muttered and without any disregard for what she was about to do, threw an uppercut at her wife, catching her jaw and nose, and once again sending the gun crashing to the concrete floor. Root’s head banged back against the metal server’s loudly and reached up for her face, rubbing her jaw. Blood filled Root’s mouth and she looked at Shaw.
“Sameen” she tried but she could tell Shaw wasn’t going to listen, her eyes had gone dark. She knew Shaw had every right to be angry, but she also wanted to at least try and explain herself, although as she had predicted it wasn’t going to go down well.
“Don’t” Shaw growled, grabbing her wife off the server and spinning them around shoving her backwards into the open space. “You drugged me.”
“Sam I know, I just-“
Shaw shook her head, and lurched towards Root again. But Root was fast, thanks to Shaw teaching her. And she immediately moved out of the way, catching Shaw’s arm and twisting it up behind her back. She stepped in close behind her wife, holding her arm tightly, waiting for it to get uncomfortable. Shaw could feel Root’s breath on her neck. She tried to hold onto her anger but she could feel it slipping already, because what she could feel was her wife, right behind her.
“Sameen, I need you to listen” Root said.
“No” Shaw growled yanking her arm back. “Why the hell should I listen to you, when you clearly never listen to me.”
Root sighed. She did have a point. She blocked another one of Shaw’s shots, then kicked her down at the knees, watching her start getting more frustrated that even her physical approach wasn’t working. Shaw scrambled back to her feet, a little less together than she had been moments ago.
“Sam I just” Root started but Shaw had a new play, and caught Root around the waist sending her in a tackle to the floor. Pinning her down and sitting straddling over her, she finally had the upper hand. Root flinched at her head hitting the concrete floor. Blood coming from her mouth and nose. She knew she almost deserved it, she had gone against everything Shaw had asked of her. But if only she could explain.
She slid her arms up over her head, looking up at Shaw who had her trapped against the cold concrete.
“Do you need to hit me again?” Root asked “You could shoot me if you really wanted, I understand.”
Shaw looked frustrated, angry that Root was actually being understanding.
“Come on, I can take another hit” Root said, there was something almost seductive behind her dark eyes. Something testing Shaw.
Shaw looked down at her. Her jaw clenched. Her hand on Root’s throat once again. She had her right there. But she couldn’t do it, of course she couldn’t. One look at her wife’s blood smeared lip and it was over. One look at that face, a face that she wasn’t even sure she would ever get to see again.
Shaw’s hand tightened around Root’s throat. Root let out a small gasp of air. Their eyes were locked.
Root looking at her, with that seductive softness that she had stared at Shaw with since as long as she could remember. Her chest was rising and falling heavily under Shaw.
“Root” Harold’s voice cracked through their impending silence. Shaw’s grip loosened automatically and she glanced at Harold whose eyes had widened at the sight before him.
“Ms Shaw” he said unsure what else to say. “Y-you found us.”
“You’re in on this too?” Shaw growled and Harold averted his eyes to Root.
“If you have a moment, I need you to come and look at this, I think….I think it worked” he said. Shaw looked between Harold and Root and back again.
“What are you talking about? What worked?” Shaw asked. Root put her hand on Shaw’s thigh, and Shaw glared at it.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you, Sameen” Root said softly. Shaw stared at her, waiting.
“Can I get up?” Root asked lifting an eyebrow.
“I’l leave you to it” Harold’s voice added. “But Ms Shaw, unless this is some kind of very backwards thank you, I would consider leaving your wife alive.”
Shaw stared after him as he disappeared back behind the server’s.
“What is he talking about?” she asked and looked towards Root, who was still plastered against the floor, mounted by Shaw.
“In short, I took Samaritan out at the knees, and I was trying to finish off with a not so friendly beheading.” Root said. Shaw looked perplexed.
“What? How?”
“With all that ‘nerd stuff’ that you actively make fun of me about” Root said with a smirk. Shaw frowned.
“But the operatives…” Shaw started.
“Have got nothing without their God calling the shots” Root said. Shaw shook her head in confusion, her brow furrowed.
“But,” she said, and then looked at Root. “You drugged me.”
“Sameen,” Root reached her hand up to Shaw’s face, her fingertips touching her cheek. “I love you.”
“But you drugged me.”
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“So you drugged me?”
Root just looked at her, her fingers hooked into the neckline of Shaw’s top.
“I didn’t know if you were dead, I didn’t…” Shaw’s voice trailed off, she shook her head trying to shake the sickening feeling from her body from before.
“I’m sorry.” Root said simply. Shaw stared at her.
“No you’re not.” Shaw got off Root, and as Root scrambled to get back up, Shaw grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back onto her feet without looking at her.
“You suck.” Shaw stated, and Root just looked at her adoringly. She moved closer to Shaw.
“I mean can do, plenty of sucking” Root said quietly, lifting her hand to move a stray hair from Shaw’s face, but Shaw slapped her hand away.
Shaw turned to look at Root, and Root could see that look that was still behind her eyes, it was cold and angry but there was something else there too.
“You hurt me, Root” Shaw said. And that was it, pain. Root’s stomach twisted. “I asked you not to do this, and you just completely disregarded me, I was practically begging.”
“Sam it was best for everyone” Root started.
“Not for me.” Shaw said sharply.
“Especially for you” Root replied. “It worked Sameen, they’re gone, for good.”
Shaw just stared at her, the urge to give in and just wrap her arms around Root was irritatingly nudging at her. But she wouldn’t.
“So that makes what you did to me okay, does it?” Shaw asked. Root opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, she glanced away from Shaw, looking at the floor.
“That’s what I thought.” Shaw said rolling her eyes and turning away from Root. “Bear,” she called out “Let’s go.”
“Sameen, wait” Root said as Shaw walked towards the door. Grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around so they were chest to chest, they looked at one another. For the first time Root didn’t know what to say. She wanted to kiss Shaw, badly, but she knew she couldn’t, not right now.
She knew she had hurt Shaw, but it had worked, her plan had worked, a plan she had been working on for longer than she could remember, a plan that hadn’t had any real grounds until she’d recruited some of the best hackers in the country to help. And they’d done it, taken down a God. For Shaw. And they would be safe now. But she had hurt Shaw, maybe more than she had realised.
Shaw didn’t say anything either, she stayed pressed against Root for a few seconds, waiting for her wife to say something. But when neither of them spoke, Shaw pulled away, whistling at Bear as she disappeared back through the door, leaving Root standing there, by herself.
*
Shaw walked into the bar, she saw Root sitting on the far side, running her finger around the rim of a glass of water. Shaw glanced around the bar, it was like nothing had changed, but everything had. Everything was different now. But it was like it could have been a repeat of the first time, the first time she gave Root a chance, agreed to go on a stupid date with her. She didn’t know how she figured Root would be here, she didn’t know why she had come to Root, she wanted it to be the other way around. But she also knew Root was different now, sometimes she needed space too.
Shaw crept up quietly behind Root.
“Is that vodka?” Shaw asked from behind her, and predictably, Root jumped at the sound of her voice. The bar was practically empty, it was dingy, and dark, and there was barely any sound aside from quiet music playing from behind the bar.
Root looked at Shaw, the faintest smile playing on her lips at those words. She remembered.
“It should be” Root replied. Shaw collapsed into the seat next to Root, waved a hand towards the bartender.
“Whiskey neat” she said “Two shots of vodka for this one.”
Root watched her, she couldn’t take her eyes off Shaw. She felt everything in that moment, everything since the first time they sat here together, the love, the pain, every single thing in between. Every fight, every stitch, every kiss, every glance. The house, the dog, the anger, the smiling, the fear of losing each other, the happiness of the most mundane things. Everything had changed.
“I didn’t think you’d come.” Root said.
“To be honest, neither did I” Shaw answered. She took a sip of her drink and looked at Root’s hands. God she had nice hands. Her fingers were so long and delicate.
“Sam” Root said quietly. Their eyes met. “I am sorry. I never want to intentionally hurt you.”
“I know” Shaw said, she could see it behind Root’s eyes, hell, she could even feel it.
“I just wanted you to be safe” Root continued “I wanted to keep you safe.”
“I know,” Shaw said “and you did.”
“But you’re upset” Root said desperately searching Shaw’s eyes.
“I’m not upset, Root” Shaw sighed.
“You’re hurt, and angry” Root said “And understandably so, I deserve it.”
Shaw watched her wife, the sincerity, the profound apology, the softness behind her eyes. The tiny smear of blood that was still rimming her lip. Shaw reached for it, wiping it away.
“You didn’t deserve the two concussions I probably gave you” Shaw said her voice low. The corners of Root’s mouth twitched upwards into an almost smile.
“Maybe just a little” she said. “I would have done the same.”
“No you wouldn’t” Shaw said immediately “you’re… too good for me.”
“Agree to disagree, Sameen” Root said her hand finding it’s way onto Shaw’s knee.
Shaw looked at Root’s hand on her knee. She glanced back up at Root.
“You want to get out of here?” Shaw asked. Root quirked an eyebrow.
“That’s my line” she said. Shaw downed the rest of her drink, dropping some money on the counter and holding her hand out for Root.
*
They had barely made it in the door before Root had Shaw pinned to the wall. Their bodies pressed against each other, their lips crashing together. A desperate longing, since at the beginning of this day Shaw hadn’t even been sure if she would see her wife ever again. Whether they ever would have had the chance to do this again. She slid her hands up the back of Root’s shirt, grabbing at her back. Root’s knee driving between Shaw’s legs. Her hands cupping Shaw’s face, keeping her right there, in front of her. The ends of their noses touching. Their breathing heavy. Shaw’s head banged against the wall behind her, she felt Root smirk against her lips, she grabbed at Root harder, nails leaving red trails on her perfect back.
“Wait” Shaw whispered suddenly, against Root’s lips. Root barely pulled back.
“Can it wait?” Root mumbled against her, a hand slipping down around Shaw’s neck. Shaw tried to concentrate.
“What about the machine?” Shaw managed to get out. She felt Root go still, her forehead pressed against Shaw’s. Root didn’t say anything.
“Root,” Shaw said softly “what happened to The Machine?”
“She’s gone.” Root said finally.
Shaw pushed root back by the shoulders so she could see her face.
“What do you mean gone?”
Root sighed, it was clear she didn’t want to talk about it, but Shaw pressed her anyway. Root stared at the small gap between their bodies. Shaw studied her face closely, it wasn’t even that Root looked upset, it’s that she seemed melancholic.
“Hey,” Shaw said softly, tipping Root’s chin up so they were looking at each other. “Tell me.”
“There’s not much to say Sam,” Root said. “In order to stop Samaritan, sacrifices had to be made.”
Shaw’s brow furrowed. “So The Machine sacrificed herself?”
“No Sameen, I sacrificed her.” Root said. “I gave her a sword and sent her in to die.”
“But…she was everything to you” Shaw said struggling to understand.
“She was” Root agreed, “but she’s not you.”
Shaw didn’t know what to say. It suddenly hit her, the truth of what Root had done. Root had saved them, all of them, freed them from having to look over their shoulders everyday for the rest of their lives. But what she had done had come at a cost, and that cost was giving up The Machine, her God, her friend, the voice in her head, what had been her other half for years now, that was gone. And for what? To protect Shaw. Because she had chosen Shaw, she had chosen Shaw over everyone, and everything including The Machine.
“Root, I…” Shaw stared at her, in disbelief and amazement. “Thank you.” she said simply.
A smile played at the corners of Root’s mouth.
“Don’t mention it” Root said.
“As if you’d let me get off that easy” Shaw said rolling her eyes. “Thank you” she said again wrapping an arm around Root’s waist pulling her closer, and kissing her lightly on the lips.
“I’m sorry that she’s gone” Shaw said quietly her lips against Root’s.
“Me too” Root said her cheeks wet from tears. “But I’d do it again a thousand times if it meant keeping you safe.”
Their arms wrapped tightly around each other, they held on tightly, not afraid to let go anymore. They had each other, forever. After everything they had been through, it was finally over.
“So this is it?” Shaw asked.
“This is it.” Root replied, her fingers entwining with Shaw’s, a smile playing against her lips, happiness behind her eyes.
“This is us now.”