Chapter Text
-z-
“So,” Ellen starts when they return from a commercial break, “having a vampire boyfriend – I have to ask—”
“If he’s ever sucked my blood?” Steve finishes, a rueful smile on his face.
“Has he?” she lowers her voice and Steve knows that she wouldn’t push him into answering, had even warned him ahead of time that she was going to ask once they were air.
“Once,” Steve answers and the there’s a mixed reaction from the crowd – some gasps and some laughter, “right after I got him back that first time. He was weakened by all the silver they had pumped him with and I offered.
“He’s going to kill me for telling this story,” Steve says, grinning wide theatrically looks around, glances over his shoulder, before looking back to Ellen. “Seriously, if I disappear – Bucky Rogers-Barnes is the one responsible, so don’t tell him I told you this story okay?” He turns to the audience, makes a circular motion with his hands, “This just stays between us.”
“Oh my god,” Ellen laughs, leaning forward so her and Steve’s heads were bent together.
“So Bucky drinks a little and then we start heading towards the other POWs,” Steve says, “I told them to wait in this clearing. Anyway, we’re like, a quarter-mile away and Bucky just stops, he cocks his head like he’s listening to something. And then he turns to me and says—he’s like,” Steve jerks a thumb of his shoulder and lowers his voice to a hissing stage-whisper, “‘Steve, these freakin’ pine trees are Nazis.’ And I look at him, like,” Steve pulls a face, “‘You okay there, Buck?’ And he glares at this tree beside us and he drops his fangs and just snarls at it.”
Ellen throws her head back and laughs when Steve curls his upper lip and down his impression of Bucky’s growling.
“And he starts arguing with the tree,” Steve laughs, straightens out his features and leans back into his chair. “He’s like, ‘You pines are so angry! I miss maple trees!’ Then he turns back to me and he’s like, ‘Stevie, we need maple trees.’ And I ask him if there are any maple trees in Germany and he just glares and glares at all of the pines and he’s like – ‘We’ll fly one in from the states.’ And then he just keeps marching back towards the camp.”
“Did any of the other soldiers figure out he was,” Ellen hesitates, “acting strangely?”
“We didn’t make it back for a while,” Steve says with a shake of his head, “he had to stop and talk to every Nazi tree and try to convince them that they were wrong.”
“Did it work?” Ellen asks.
“Of course it did – I can be very persuasive,” says a new voice and Steve and Ellen turn and watch as Bucky walks out onto the stage. The audience screams and surges to their feet, their applause deafening.
“Crap,” Steve says before he jumps up and hides behind Ellen.
“Steve,” Bucky smiles, his voice sweet and venomous, “my beautiful husband – you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
“Don’t I know it,” Steve says, still hiding behind Ellen. “Weren’t you in New York?”
“I took the vampire express,” Bucky snarks as he settles into Steve’s chair with a flourish.
“There’s a vampire express?” Ellen asks, looking over her shoulder at Steve.
“You followed me!” Steve accuses, pointing a finger.
“I was going to surprise you tonight,” Bucky says, voice sad as he turns a pout out towards the audience, “I had a reservation at that restaurant you like. I even ordered a bunch of flowers.”
Suddenly, a long line of people began to file in from backstage, each of them carrying large bouquets of red roses.
“Oh, Buck,” Steve cooed.
“You’re not getting them now,” Bucky says, “I’m giving them to Ellen.”
“Oh, Bucky,” Ellen coos, reaching over and taking Bucky’s hand, “thank you so much.” She turns back to the camera and says, “When we come back, we’ll watch as Captain Rogers beg for forgiveness. We’ll be right back!”
-
“It wasn’t that bad, Buck,” Steve says as they walk into Steve’s hotel room. “At least I didn’t tell them how you kept falling down and giggling into the dirt before you got back up to argue with another tree.”
Bucky’s mouth drops open, aghast. “I’m a vampire, Steve, I don’t giggle.”
“You certainly did that night,” Steve says, letting Bucky crowd him back against the door.
Bucky growls and lunges at Steve, kissing him deeply.
-z-
End.