Chapter Text
“Hey Adora.”
“Catra.” Her name fell from Adora’s lips like a sigh. Seeing her now felt like a cruel twist of fate. She still didn’t know what she meant to Catra now, or what she could do to bridge the gap that had grown between them, if it was even possible. Still, Adora knew she would regret ever letting this chance slip away.
Adora swallowed, fists clenching as she tried to work out what to say. “I wanted to talk to you. I haven’t seen you much since the war ended.” The accusation that laced her voice surprised them both, and Adora mentally scolded herself for losing control of her emotions. Was this how Catra had felt, every time she had lashed out at Adora during the war? She felt sick.
“Yeah, uh. Sparkles kind of got on my case about that.” Catra scratched the back of her neck, and Adora’s heart squeezed. That wasn’t a habit of Catra’s that she was familiar with, and the sudden unfamiliarity of it was nauseating. “Sorry, Adora. I’ve been kind of a bitch, haven’t I?”
Adora blinked, surprised that Catra had apologized so easily. “No, it’s-“ Everything was so different now. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t. “I should apologize too, for everything, I knew you were miserable here but…” I left you. “I keep thinking if I had tried harder, if I had reached out to you more, then-“
“Adora, hey, it’s okay. Breathe, come on.” Catra had stepped closer, but not close enough, hovering a couple of feet away. Adora wanted to undo Catra’s ponytail and run her fingers through her mane again, like she had when they were younger. She wanted to tear apart everything unfamiliar and foreign, she wanted to scream at Catra every want she had repressed during the war. Instead, she took a shuddering breath and wiped at her eyes.
They both settled into an uneasy silence, not able to look at each other. Adora hated how common that situation had become.
“It’s okay, you know.” Adora watched Catra’s tail, noting the small flicks that meant she was nervous. At least that she recognized. “We can talk about how much we wish things had gone differently, but we’re here now, aren’t we?” Catra gave her a small smile, and Adora felt herself returning it after a second. “And I still found friends that helped me out here, so it’s not like I was all on my own.”
“The Super Pal Trio, right?” Adora tried to ignore the surge of jealousy that rose in her. How unfair, to want to be the most important person in Catra’s life after all that had happened between them.
“Huh?” Wait, was Catra…? “Wh-who told you about that!?” Wow, Catra was absolutely mortified, she had never seen Catra be that embarrassed before. Adora let herself laugh a little. Catra’s tail spiking up in response was too cute. “Don’t laugh! It was Scorpia’s idea anyway, I thought it was a stupid name.”
Oh, so Scorpia had suggested it? Adora’s laugh died down, but Catra didn’t seem to notice. “We don’t even get to meet up much anymore, since I’ve got Horde duties to take care of and Scorpia’s always off to visit her girlfriend. Ugh, was it Entrapta who told you? It totally was, wasn’t it?”
Adora nodded, smiling bitterly. She had also felt something similar, since Bow and Glimmer were usually doing diplomacy missions as representatives of Bright Moon, while Adora still needed to heal Etheria’s natural balance. It was rare that all three of them could meet up nowadays, usually they would only get a chance to talk through Bow’s tracker pads in the evening. Adora could take more missions with them, of course, but she also wanted to give them time alone with each other. Wait, speaking of…
“Scorpia’s…girlfriend?”
Catra nodded. “Yeah, Perfuma. They’re not really official, but Scorpia’s been requesting way more missions to Plumeria and she’s as subtle as a tank, so it was easy to connect the dots.”
“I thought Scorpia asked you out?” Adora felt her heart squeeze with joy as Catra doubled over laughing. Maybe it wasn’t a good thing to be so happy that Catra was single, especially since just being friends again was already a distant dream. Still, as Catra smiled at her teasingly, Adora couldn’t find it in herself to give up the hope that eventually, maybe…
“I can’t believe you knew about that but didn’t know what the Horde was up to until I sent Kyle over to Bright Moon.” Catra leaned against the fence again, resting her arms on it while still facing Adora. Catra’s eyes sparkled, and the gray-blue evening sky was the perfect background for the mix of blue and gold. Adora felt herself smile as her heart rate skyrocketed, because after all that happened between them, she had missed seeing Catra like this, so unguarded and relaxed. It was so incredibly distracting, seeing Catra’s confident poise, and how it had matured with her.
It took a second to remember what they were talking about.
“Hey, we were busy trying to fix up Etheria, we didn’t have time to figure that out.” Adora stepped closer to the fence, leaning herself against it to watch the moonset. Catra was so close Adora could feel the body heat burning between them, and it was so tempting to just lean into her like they were kids again. “What did happen in the Horde, anyway? I know Entrapta’s been upgrading things, but…now you’re in charge, and everyone here seems so happy, it’s all so different.”
Catra frowned and looked up at the clouded sky. “It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, you know. Entrapta and Scorpia helped me get over a ton of shit, like Shadow Weaver’s superb parenting.” Catra paused, and smiled wryly at Adora. “I guess you already know, but the Horde was pretty awful at raising kids. I didn’t want anyone to go through that like we did.”
Adora hummed in response. She tried not to wonder how much Catra had gotten over. Was she part of it? Their old friendship? That must have been around when Catra stopped seeking her out in the midst of battles then. Sure, it was a relief to hear about how much she had let go of their abusive past, and how she was trying to right the Horde’s wrongs, but a selfish part of Adora wanted Catra to always stay focused on her.
“Anyway,” Catra was continuing, seemingly misunderstanding the emotional turmoil Adora was feeling. “I decided I wanted to overthrow Hordak after that, which was pretty easy since he almost never left his lab. I was practically running everything myself anyways, while he and Entrapta just had fun working on tech.” Catra ran a hand behind her neck, and this time Adora caught sight of a crooked scar running down her arm, almost parallel to Catra’s stripes. She reached out without thinking and cradled it, gently examining the wound. The fur must have covered it from a distance, but up close it was plain to see how deep it must have cut.
“Catra, did…” Adora ran her hands over the damaged skin. It looked new; the scar tissue was still rough and sensitive, considering how Catra flinched and pulled back. “Was this from Hordak?”
“Nah, not that one. That was…” Catra seemed to hesitate, but Adora’s determined gaze seemed enough to encourage her. It was so terribly similar to their old habits, how Catra hid her injuries and Adora fussed over them. Except Adora hadn’t been there when Catra got hurt, couldn’t protect her or help her heal. “Not everyone was happy when I took down Hordak, you know? We’re still dealing with the occasional power hungry insurgent who doesn’t like how I run things.”
“Catra…” Adora felt a surge of guilt and shame well up in her. “I’m sorry.” Everything was growing hazy, and she couldn’t choke down the sob that escaped her.
“Hey, hey.” Catra stepped forward and after only a moment’s hesitation, wrapped herself around Adora, gently holding her. “It’s in the past, I’m fine, see? It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.” Catra rubbed slow circles on Adora’s back.”It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Feeling Catra’s rough mane and soft fur was painfully familiar, and Adora couldn’t help but nuzzle further into the crook of her neck. It took her some time to calm down, but eventually she cleared her throat as she pulled back a little, though Catra’s arms were still loosely draped around her waist. She hadn’t comforted her like that since they were children, when Adora had cried over Catra’s wounds after a training simulation mishap when they were kids. To break down the same way, years later, was a mix of comforting nostalgia and embarrassment.
“It’s…it’s not okay, Catra. I promised you we’d look out for each other, but then…” Adora felt her tears welling up again. “I left you, Catra, and I know it was the right thing to do, that Etheria needed She-Ra but-“
“Shh, it’s okay.” Catra was smiling at her, giving her such a soft look that Adora’s breath caught. She felt Catra wipe away her tears, and she couldn’t help but close her eyes and lean into Catra’s hand. “You’re still so selfless, you know that? You always do the right thing, even if it’s not what you want. I know that now. It hurt, sure, that you never seemed to notice that the Horde was evil when they abused me, but you join up with the Rebellion as soon as random people are in danger.” Adora felt the shame squeezing her heart, and opened her mouth to apologize again, but Catra immediately shushed her and continued. “Even so, I could’ve followed you, stayed by your side like always. But I had a lot to work through, and…” Catra’s eyes burned holes into Adora, the fierce determination and regret stunning her. “ Fuck , Adora, I’m still working through it, but that’s no excuse for what I did to you. I broke that promise just as much as you did. I still have a lot to work on until I’m better.”
“Is that…is that why you took over the Horde? You wanted to make things right?” Catra let go of her, and took a step back. Something painful ghosted over her expression.
“No, I mean, yeah, it was the right thing to do, but I had another reason for it.” Catra rubbed at her scar, her tail uncurling from Adora’s feet. She hadn’t even noticed that was there.
“Then why…?” Why did Catra take over the Horde? Why change things so much? A realization struck Adora. When they were still teenagers, they had wanted to take over the Horde, make things better for its people, and rule over it together. It was a selfish, ambitious dream, one Adora had desperately held onto to rationalize the intense physical and mental training, but it seemed that Catra had followed through with it. “We used to talk about making things better for everyone here, didn’t we?”
Catra’s eyes widened, and the amazement and affection she was expressing made Adora’s heart race. “You remembered?” Catra whispered reverently, like she was afraid that Adora would tell her no, that she had forgotten everything they had been to each other.
“Of course, we promised to do that together, didn’t we?” Adora couldn’t help the smile on her face. Knowing Catra had valued their childhood dreams so much, enough to overthrow Hordak , was such an incredible, blissful feeling, and Adora never wanted to let that go.
Catra giggled, looking happier than Adora had seen her in years. “It was pretty weird, working for a greater good and all. That’s usually your thing.” Catra’s voice was teasing, comfortable, like they were cadets all over again.
They stared at each other for a moment, letting the silence grow comfortable. Nighttime was almost upon them, and Catra’s face was illuminated beautifully by the dim electric lights of the Fright Zone. Adora never wanted to leave, not after so much time spent being apart, but she knew Bow and Glimmer would worry if she didn’t head back soon.
“Hey, Catra?” Catra hummed, and Adora grinned as she noticed the quiet purr she could hear. “Can I come visit again? Not because I have to rebuild Etheria, but just to catch up?”
A conflicted expression flickered over Catra’s face, and Adora’s heart stopped. Was it still too soon? Had she rushed things? If it was up to Adora, she wouldn’t leave Catra’s side for even a second, but…
“What if…what if you didn’t have to visit?” Adora blinked, not understanding. “I mean, we promised to run the Horde together, didn’t we?” A shy, hopeful smile illuminated Catra’s features, her blue and gold eyes scanning Adora’s face for a reaction.
“Are you…asking me to stay with you?”
“I-I know it might be too soon, I mean we spent like five years all, you know, so if you need time to decide, that’s fine. I just thought Entrapta could use your help figuring out First Ones’ tech, and the Fright Zone needs its flow of magic fixed, and we could actually work on that promise to look out for each other, but if you don’t want to-“
How cute, Catra rarely rambled like that. “I’ll stay.” Adora would need to have quite the long talk with Bow and Glimmer, but Bright Moon could handle itself without She-Ra now, and she figured it would be okay to be a little selfish with the war at its end.
“Really?” Catra breathed out, and seeing her look so happy just because Adora was willing to stay at her side, was breathtaking . Adora reached out and pulled Catra closer, letting their foreheads rest against each other.
“I want to stay with you.”
Catra’s eyes watered, and it took a second for her to blink the tears from her eyes. They shared a fond look, but then Catra’s gaze flickered downwards and oh.
Catra wanted to kiss her. Adora didn’t want to hold back anymore, and she leaned down, heart pounding against her chest, until she could feel Catra’s breath over her lips. She let her eyes close, hoping Catra would move closer, but instead she pulled away.
“Wait, wait, before you agree to anything, I need to be honest with you.” Adora nervously eyed Catra, and she could see her tail lashing at the air behind her, her ears pulled back. “It’s apparently something that Scorpia and Entrapta helped me with, you know? Being honest about how I feel. So, here goes I guess.”
Catra gave her a determined stare, undermined a little by the nervousness she was clearly feeling. “For the longest time, I-“ Catra paused, bracing herself. “I was in love with you, and you meant the world to me. Nothing else mattered, as long as we were together.”
Catra’s words faded out, and Adora could only focus on one word. Was. Was. Catra was still speaking, however, and Adora forced her feelings down to listen. She had plenty of practice after all.
“But now, I have so much more to keep me grounded here, so I don’t need to be by your side. Not like before. Still, I-I just want to make one thing clear.” Catra took a deep breath, and Adora waited for the sting of rejection, the knowledge that there was no chance between them any more of anything other than friendship. “Even if I don’t need to be by your side anymore, I still want to spend every day with you. I still love you, Adora, and no matter how much I tried I was never able to stop.”
Oh. Oh . Adora felt tears fall down her cheeks, and Catra was panicking and trying to apologize, but Adora could only laugh. Her cheeks hurt from how much she was smiling. First Ones, was it that simple? Of course not, there was still so much to do, so much between them they needed to sort out, but right now, she couldn’t bring herself to care. That was a problem for future Adora and Catra.
“I love you too.”
“R-really?”
“Just kiss me already.” And Catra smiled at her, and did. It was imperfect, so incredibly awkward, but feeling Catra purr against her lips and the current that ran through her, Adora was more than happy.
This time, she was going to stay, and fulfill their promise to each other.