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“Where’s Aizawa-san?” The adorably sweet Eri asked as Hizashi tucked her into her bed. She was a very caring girl and had been asking where her favorite guardian was all day.
“Don’t worry about him, Li’l Listener,” Hizashi told her with a little smile. “I promise he’s doing just fine.”
“Okay.” Eri closed her eyes and settled in for sleep. The Voice Hero’s smile grew when she did, knowing it was her faith in his best friend that allowed her to trust he was telling the truth.
When Shouta brought Eri to UA from the hospital, the first thing he did was introduce her to all of their colleagues. He gave her their names and told her what kind of person they were. But when he introduce Hizashi, he said,
“This is Hizashi. He’s loud. And Annoying.” Shouta bent down to look the girl in the eye and added, with conviction, “But you can trust him.”
Hearing his friend tell the sweet, innocent little girl that made the blond so happy. That was exactly what he wanted to be when he was younger. Sure, ‘Hero’ was a nice title, but being trustworthy was priceless.
“G’night, Princess,” Hizashi said as he actively held himself back from giving her a kiss on the head.
“Goodnight, Zashi,” Eri mumbled and Hizashi’s smile grew some more. As quietly as he could, he left the room, making sure to turn the All Might nightlight that Midoriya gave her on first. He pulled the door closed behind him and stood in the hallway for a solid minute trying to think of what he wanted to do next. He could just go to bed, but that would mean leaving Shouta and Midoriya in the bathroom. And while he knew his best friend would never let anything bad happen to the kid, there wasn’t a lot of space in there and they’d kind of been in there for several hours already.
If Hizashi was being honest with himself, he was concerned for them.
The blond nodded once and headed for the bathroom. As he approached the door, he wondered what they could possibly be doing. How had they not lost their minds yet? Shouta didn’t even have his phone.
Maybe the kid killed them both.
Hizashi ignored the stray thought and knocked softly on the door. “Sho? Guys?” He slid the door open and poked his head in, not entirely sure what he was going to say to them, only to find them both passed out on the floor. Midoriya was curled up in his teacher’s arms, Shouta was slumped against the wall without even his scarf to cushion him. Hizashi opened the door the rest of the way with a sigh. “How do you not have back problems, Sho?” he asked quietly as he lowered himself to one knee. He reached his hand out to brush his friend’s hair out of his face and frowned sadly when he saw dried-up tear stains running down his cheeks.
Not wanting to leave them there any longer, Hizashi took a preparatory breath and hooked his arms under Midoriya’s legs and torso to lift the teen up. As soon as he started tugging Midoriya away, Shouta’s eyes flew open and he gasped, arms already trying to pull the boy back to him.
“Sho,” Hizashi whispered. “It’s okay. It’s just me.”
Shouta looked at him and as soon as he registered who was trying to take Midoriya, he relaxed again and closed his eyes. Hizashi’s heart swelled with emotion. How could Shouta have that much trust in him? How was it even possible to trust someone like that? Tears blurred his vision and Hizashi realized he needed to get out of there before he joined them on the bathroom floor.
As carefully as he could (more carefully than he needed to) Hizashi lifted Midoriya up and carried him out of the bathroom. He barely breathed while bringing the kid over to the main area where the couch was. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find All Might sitting alone on the sofa (he’d been visibly upset when Hizashi told him about what was happening with Midoriya), but he was. Partly because the lights were off, which made it a little creepy.
“All Might?” Hizashi said, making the other blond look up suddenly. When the older man saw Midoriya’s limp body, he sucked in a breath and was about to burst into tears when Hizashi quickly explained in a quiet tone, “He’s just asleep! He’s had a long day, ya know?”
All Might nodded and visibly relaxed, relief flowing off of him in waves. Hizashi smiled and approached him.
“Wanna hold him?”
“I-I shouldn’t,” All Might denied, even while he lifted his arms to take Midoriya from his fellow blond. Hizashi handed the teen off and grinned.
“Take care of him,” he instructed, gently running a hand through the boy’s curls before heading back to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.”
Shouta had moved so his back was against the wall. He had his feet planted on the floor, his elbows resting on his knees, and his head resting against the wall. His eyes were shut, giving the illusion that he’d fallen back to sleep.
“Sho,” Hizashi greeted when he entered, going straight to the wall next to his friend and leaning back before sliding down. Shouta opened his eyes and looked at him.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Hizashi added a nod to the word. The edge of Shouta’s mouth quirked up momentarily before resuming a dismal appearance.
“Is-?”
“He’s safe,” Hizashi assured and all Shouta did was murmur an acknowledgment. Hizashi pursed his lips. “Are you good?”
Shouta sucked in a breath, his bottom lip trembled, and Hizashi knew he wasn’t before he shook his head. The blond put an arm around Shouta and pulled him into a side hug.
“I don’t understand what’s happening, Zashi,” Shouta admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “Why won’t he tell me anything? What-? Did I do something? How do I fix it? What- What do I do!?”
There was little warning before his friend broke down, caving into Hizashi as the sobs he was desperately trying to keep in broke through him. Hizashi cradled Shouta in his arms as the latter repeated his last question over and over again. Hizashi didn’t try to give an answer. He doubted that there was one. But, as far as he could tell, what Shouta was already doing was good enough. He’d saved Midoriya twice in as many days. If anything, it should’ve been the rest of the teachers asking that question.
After a minute or so, Shouta forced himself to get a hold of his breathing and calmed down.
“What do I do, Hizashi?” He asked again. Hizashi sighed.
“If I had a nickel for every time you’ve asked me that,” he said, unable to keep from grinning. “I’d have, like, twelve thousand nickels. And that’s just from today.”
“That’s a lot.” Shouta said, chuckling softly at the lame joke. “What would you even do with all of them?” Hizashi shrugged.
Don’t say-
“I’d be annoying and give it all to charity.”
“Which charity?” Shouta rested his head on Hizashi’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
“Suicide prevention,” Hizashi answered seriously after a long pause. Shouta’s eyes opened and he stared up at him. Hizashi kissed Shouta’s forehead. “I love you, Sho.”
The raven-haired man’s body slowly started to become rigid and his breathing picked up. “Where’s Izuku?”
You ruined the moment.
“With All Might,” Hizashi pulled away so he could stand and held a hand out to pull Shouta up. “Come on.”
Shouta hesitated for a second before taking the hand and allowing himself to be helped to his feet. It was a little difficult for the blond to ignore the fact that Shouta didn’t let go of his hand once he was up, but, he figured, if his friend needed the comfort, he’d be a jerk to pull away. Instead, he gave Shouta’s hand a reassuring squeeze and lead him over to where he left All Might and Midoriya on the couch.
As soon as his student was in view, Shouta released a breath and let go of Hizashi’s hand. All Might looked up at the sound just as the shortest of the three men reached out to take Midoriya back. Hizashi could see the reluctance in the former Symbol of Peace’s eyes as he pulled Midoriya away from the underground hero, but something in the way Shouta looked must have made him change his mind because soon enough Shouta had taken the middle seat on the sofa and had his student in his arms again. It wasn’t clear if it was conscious or not, but both blonds noted that Shouta was sitting a little closer to All Might than he ever had before. Hizashi sat on the other side of his friend, eyeing Shouta and the boy warily.
For a long, long time, the three men sat quietly together, each wondering what they could do to help the boy sleeping in his teacher’s arms. Every once in a while, the silence was broken by a sharp sniff as Shouta struggled to keep himself from breaking down again. Hizashi reached out and gently stroked his back. He couldn’t imagine how scary it must have been to have to stop his student from hurting himself, not once, but twice.
“He . . .” Shouta breathed in. “He spoke to me earlier. Before his mom came.”
“What did he say?” All Might asked and Shouta shook his head.
“He said-” he gasped and pulled the kid closer to his chest. “He asked me to- to let him hurt himself.” It was very faint - almost indiscernible - but Hizashi could hear his friend’s voice breaking as he recalled Midoriya’s words. “He said he wasn’t going to attempt-” Shouta buried his face in the kid’s dark curls as he struggled with the silent sobs that rattled his body. He struggled to calm down and continued in a near whisper. “He said he needed to hurt himself. Why would he say that?”
Hizashi frowned as the room filled with silence. Why would someone need to hurt themselves? That didn’t make much sense. Unless . . .
Unless he misspoke.
Hizashi replaced ‘ need’ in his mind to ‘have’ and felt a pit form in his stomach. He could almost hear Midoriya telling his friend ‘I have to hurt myself’. And he could only think of one reason why someone would have to do that.
You’re projecting.
Maybe so, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. Better to be safe than sorry, right? Hizashi exhaled and shifted in his seat. He didn’t know how he was going to bring the subject up. It wasn’t exactly something that was easy to talk about. And if he was right, then Midoriya would want as few people to know as possible. They’d be telling him to keep it secret.
If you’re wrong, Midoriya will think you’re weird. Shouta will think you’re weird. They could tell on you. You’ll lose your-
Hizashi closed his eyes and counted to ten, focusing on each individual “Maybe Midoriya only thought he needed to hurt himself,” he said, softly, in answer to Shouta’s question. The raven-haired man looked at him, eyebrows drawn together in utter confusion.
“Why the hell would he think that?” His friend whispered back.
Hizashi shrugged like he didn’t know. “Maybe it’s an addiction thing.”
“Addicted to self-harm?” All Might spoke. Hizashi nodded.
“Sure. Why not?” When his two companions continued to stare at him like he was crazy, he explained. “Self-harm is a coping mechanism, right? It’s how some people deal with their emotions. It takes the hurt they’re feeling inside and focuses it on a physical injury.”
“And you think people - that Midoriya - would become addicted to something like that?” Shouta snapped, clearly not giving the idea any merit.
“It’s the same thing with alcoholics and drug addicts.” Hizashi responded calmly.
“But a self-harm addiction?”
“If I’m right,” Hizashi said, hoping his conviction was coming across well, “Then it would explain why he tried to hurt himself, even though we were in the other room. I mean, whatever happened to get him on the roof the other day might still be bothering him.”
“So, what do we do?” All Might asked. “How do we fight a self-harm addiction?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? “Ultimately,” Hizashi said after a long pause. “It’s up to Midoriya to fight it. All we can do is offer support.”
“But that’s only if you’re right,” Shouta reminded them. Hizashi nodded, but couldn’t bring himself to verbally agree. He had a very strong feeling that he knew what was going on with the kid. And even though his thoughts were trying to downplay it, he’d been right too often to ignore his gut.
All Might took in a breath to say something, but stopped when the teen started to stir. Midoriya mumbled something incoherent as he blinked awake. Emerald eyes fluttered open and looked around the room before landing on Shouta. The man visibly tensed, grip tightening to keep his student from running away. They stared at each other for a while without speaking. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Hizashi addressed the teen.
“Hey, there, Little Listener!” He said, cheerfully, ignoring the unsettled feeling pooling in his gut that said he was acting a little too casual. The seriousness of the situation was almost suffocating and he didn’t know how the others felt about it, but if he didn’t act like everything was at least somewhat normal, he might internally combust. “You know, you’re a very lucky kid. I’ve never known anyone to get two Shouta hugs in one day.”
Midoriya looked at him, made a noncommittal noise, and curled into Shouta a little more, eyeing the Voice Hero nervously. Shouta responded in kind, pulling the teen closer to himself. Hizashi felt himself deflate a bit and glanced at the other blond for help.
“Young Midoriya,” All Might’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. Startled, Midoriya had to whip his around to see the former number one hero sitting next to them.
“All Might,” he breathed, retreating into himself under the man’s striking blue gaze.
“I’m glad you’re alright, my boy,” All Might said with a wavering smile that couldn’t seem to reach his sunken eyes. “We’ve all been very concerned about you.”
Midoriya lowered his head. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“Just don’t do it again,” Shouta probably didn’t mean to sound upset, but that was the impression he gave Hizashi. The blond felt the tension in the room rise again and frowned.
“Hey, Midoriya, can I talk to you for a bit?” Hizashi asked, jerking his head to the other side of the room and standing up. The teen glanced at the other two men before nodding and getting off of Shouta’s lap. Hizashi led Midoriya out of earshot of his colleagues and turned the teen around so he faced away from Shouta and All Might. “Okay, buddy, first things first, how’re ya doin’?”
The teen pressed his lips together so they became a thin line and glanced to the left. “I’m okay.”
“Yeah?” Hizashi asked, receiving a nod in answer. “You sure?” Another nod. “Well, I’m having a bit of a hard time believing that, y’know? Because of what you did earlier?” The man lowered himself so he was at eye level with the teen. “Midoriya, I’m gonna ask you a few questions and they’re not gonna be easy ones. But I need you to answer them. And I need you to be honest. Can you do that for me?”
Midoriya opened his mouth, hesitated, and said, “What are the questions?”
“First,” Hizashi said after a bit of contemplation. “Eraser says you told him you weren’t trying to kill yourself in the bathroom earlier. Is that true?”
Midoriya tensed up the slightest amount before nodding.
“You were just trying to hurt yourself?”
Another nod.
“Can you tell me why?”
There was a long moment where Midoriya didn’t respond. His body froze and for a second Hizashi was afraid he’d broken the poor kid. Then Midoriya shook his head. That was . . . not good. But it wasn’t eactly surprising, either.
“Does cutting help? Do you feel better after you do it?”
Midoriya nodded slowly, avoiding Hizashi’s gaze and shifting on his feet. The blond put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He wished he could let Midoriya go back to Shouta, but he needed to know if the kid was like him. And if he was, Hizashi had to help.
“Okay. Now, Midoriya, this is going to sound like a weird question, but did you mess up?”
Midoriya's eyes went wide and his body stiffened completely. He brought his eyes up to Hizashi’s and the man could see his pupils dilate and heard the teen’s breathing start to become ragged.
Stop it.
“You messed up?” He continued without waiting for an answer. “And you have to fix it? You promised, didn’t you?”
You’re wrong. He’s not like you. He’s a good kid.
Then why is he shaking? Hizashi wondered. Midoriya sucked in a breath and tried to back away from him, but Hizashi held him there firmly.
“Please, Midoriya, I need you to answer me. I promise I won’t think you’re crazy or send you to some mental hospital. Okay? I promise.”
You’re the crazy one. Just stop talking already. You’re freaking him out.
“I-I,” Midoriya shook his head. His eyes flickered back and forth without seeing anything. “I can’t.”
“You have to,” Hizashi said, a little forcefully. “You have to because-”
Don’t say it!
“-because mine are telling me I’m being really dumb right now and I need to know if they’re right. Please, Midoriya?” Hizashi’s eyes plead with the teens. “Please tell me.” Please tell me I’m wrong.
Midoriya finally focused on the man, looking bewildered and conflicted as tears welled up in his eyes. “You-” he took a shaky breath. “You have them, too?”
In that instant, Hizashi’s heart shattered and he pulled Midoriya into a hug. He hated that he was right. Hated knowing that there were other people whose thoughts were so totally against them. And he hated knowing they would always listen to their thoughts because, in the past, those thoughts had kept them from getting hurt.
Midoriya froze in his arms for a minute, then melted into Hizashi’s embrace, small hands reaching up to clutch at the fabric of the man’s shirt and face pressing itself into Hizashi’s chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw All Might and Shouta stand up and start to approach. Hizashi turned to them and with one look and a shake of his head, they stopped. He knew how hard it must have been for Midoriya to let him know he had those thoughts. Letting the others know right now didn’t sound like a good idea. Not without the kid’s permission.
“I- I promised,” the teen’s muffled voice said softly. “I promised them. If I don’t- If I-” a strangled cry slipped out of his mouth. “Sensei, they keep getting louder.”
“I know,” Hizashi held Midoriya tighter. “But you don’t have to listen to them,” he whispered in the boy’s ear. “You’re not broken. You didn’t mess up. No one’s mad at you. No one hates you.”
“Aizawa-” Midoriya started, but Hizashi cut him off.
“-Loves you. He won’t admit it, but he does.” I should know. He’s been my best friend for over a decade and a half.
Hizashi knew his words were probably falling on deaf ears, but he had to say them. He didn’t know how much of what his thoughts told him were being echoed by the thoughts that haunted Midoriya, but he could make an educated guess. Some fears are universal.
Midoriya hiccuped twice before a small whimper escaped his mouth and suddenly Hizashi’s attention turned from trying to get information to attempting to calm the boy in his arms. Shouta moved closer in his peripheral but didn’t try to intrude. Instead, the usually stoic man shifted his weight from foot to foot, wringing his hands as his eyes bore into the back of his student’s head.
After a couple of minutes passed, and with encouragement from Hizashi, Midoriya was able to calm down and the man pulled away and looked the boy over. Hizashi stared at the teen for a while as an idea formed in his head. It wasn’t a very good idea. In fact, it was probably among the top three worst ideas of his life. But he had a feeling it would help.
“Shouta, get the first aid kit.”
Hizashi’s friend inhaled sharply, not expecting to be addressed. “Why-?” He started to say, but stopped and went to do as Hizashi said.
While he was gone, Hizashi brought Midoriya back over to the couch. He pulled the coffee table over and had the teen sit down on the wooden surface before taking a seat across from him. Shouta returned with the first-aid kit and put it down next to Midoriya.
“Thank you,” Hizashi said, watching as his friend took a step back. Now came the hard part. Ever so slowly, Hizashi reached behind him and grasped the hilt of his dagger. His eyes flicked over to Shouta, knowing the sight of it would send the other man into a panic but hoping he’d be willing to trust the Voice Hero enough not to interfere. Shouta stared back at him, the space between his eyebrows scrunching up in concern. Hizashi swallowed and slowly brought the blade into view.
Shouta gasped and lunged for the weapon, but Hizashi caught his wrist with his free hand and held the knife out of reach. The underground hero, eyes wide and filled with terror, stared at Hizashi. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Hizashi didn’t try to explain himself, knowing it wouldn’t make sense either way.
Please trust me, Hizashi silently pleaded as he held his friend’s gaze. The room was tense as they all waited to see what the two men would do. After an indiscernible amount of time, a warm feeling ignited in Hizashi’s chest as Shouta slipped his wrist out of the blond’s grasp and retreated a step.
Hizashi would never be able to put into words how much he loved his friend. Nor would he be able to understand how he’d convinced Shouta to trust him to such an extent.
He mentally shook himself and turned back to Midoriya. He could think about that later. Bringing the blade back, he held it up to the teen.
“Midoriya,” he said. “I’m only going to allow you to do one. You’ll do it here, in front of us, and you’ll let us patch you up afterward. Okay?”
“I-” the teen stuttered, eyes shifting around the room as he struggled with something they couldn’t see. “I- No, I’m- I’m fine.”
Hizashi’s face darkened. “Who’s saying that?” If he’d been paying any attention to the other two men, he would’ve seen them share a confused look. But he was preoccupied at the moment, so the exchange went unnoticed.
Midoriya took a shallow, shuttered breath. “I-I am. It’s me. It’s all me.” His voice was small. His body trembled. His eyes wouldn’t focus. Hizashi grabbed the boy’s hand.
“Focus on me, buddy. Okay?” Hizashi leaned in and lowered his voice. “What are they saying? What are they telling you?”
“They- I-I’m fine,” Midoriya insisted, matching the teacher’s volume. “They’re not- It’s just me. Only me. They’re all me.”
“Okay. What are you telling you?”
Emerald eyes found red and their owner took a breath. “I-it’s a tr-trick. If I take it, you- you’ll-”
Hizashi flipped the dagger around in his hand and pressed it into the teen’s palm. Then he grabbed Midoriya’s other hand and brought them together so the blade was entirely in the kid’s grasp. Then he covered Midoriya’s hands with his own.
“I’m not lying to you,” Hizashi stated, channeling his inner Shouta. “I’m going to let you do it once so they’ll go away. Okay?”
Midoriya opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then opened it again and froze for a full three seconds before taking a breath and saying, a little desperately, “I promised them four.”
Hizashi blinked to hide how painful that was to hear. He’d never had to do more than three to feel better. “One,” he said, shaking his head.
“Four, Mic-sensei. Please.”
“I can’t let you do four.”
“Then-” Midoriya’s eyes flickered around the room. “Then- what about three?”
“One.”
“Two?”
Hizashi’s frown deepened and he looked to his friend. Shouta was watching them closely, worry radiating off him like a ship making waves in the ocean. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but when Hizashi looked at him, Shouta tensed up and pursed his lips.
Hizashi looked at the student. Then down at their hands. And then he released a measured sigh. “Two,” he said with a single nod as he let go of Midoriya’s hands. The teen’s shoulders sagged in relief and Hizashi knew he’d had to fight hard to get the thoughts to be okay with reducing the number.
Midoriya took a breath. He grasped the knife in one hand and brought the blade to the skin of his inner forearm. Hizashi opened the first-aid kit. Three pairs of eyes watched, two not knowing what was going on, as Midoriya, after pausing to take another breath, slid the dagger across his wrist, leaving a thin line in its wake. Crimson beads appeared and clumped together on the surface of the teen’s skin. Another breath and he did it again.
Hizashi snatched the knife as soon as it finished its second pass, yanking it from Midoriya’s hand and setting it down on the seat next to him - out of the teen’s reach. Shouta then picked it up and placed it out of sight. Hizashi turned his attention to the fresh wounds, first making sure they weren’t too deep. Then he cleaned the area and dressed it as carefully as he could. Once he was satisfied with that, he took the injured arm in one hand, placed his other hand on the boy’s shoulder, gazed, unblinking, into the emerald eyes, and said, definitively,
“You are never doing that again, Midoriya. Promise me.”
Midoriya hesitated, his gaze drifted from Hizashi to his bandaged arm. “‘Never’ is a long time, Mic-sensei.”
“Promise, Midoriya,” Hizashi repeated, gripping the teen’s shoulder and giving it a small shake. “Please, bud.” Midoriya sighed, his eyes finding Hizashi’s again.
“Okay,” he nodded “I p-promise.”
“Great!” Hizashi grinned, helping the teen up as he rose to his feet, then spread his arms, invitingly. “C’mere.”
Midoriya blinked, a little confused, before leaning forward and allowing himself to be enveloped in the man’s arms again. He was noticeably calmer now - he wasn’t crying, his breaths didn’t hitch, and his frame had stopped trembling. Hizashi’s smile grew.
“Like I said,” he muttered to himself. “Lots and lots of hugs.” He raised his voice so the others could hear him. “Midoriya, next time you feel down, I want you to curl up in your favorite blanket with a pillow or something you can hug and watch a hero movie. And, if you can, get some friends to join you. Or call on any of us teachers. We’re all here for you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Hizashi could’ve stayed like that for another twenty minutes, but the anxiety radiating off of his two colleagues was threatening to seep into his soul. He knew everything would be okay - at least for a while. But Shouta and All Might didn’t. They didn’t understand what was going on. So, reluctantly, Hizashi pulled away.
A look of disappointment flittered across the teen’s face as they parted and the man almost pulled him in again, but was able to refrain. “Alright, bud. Now, you give Sho a hug before he starts hyperventilating.” Hizashi jerked his head toward his friend. Midoriya followed the action to his homeroom teacher and shrank just a little before stepping closer to the man.
“I’m sor-”
He was unable to finish his apology as Shouta pulled him into a hug so tight Midoriya had trouble moving.
“Dammit, Izuku, I’m so worried about you,” Shouta admitted in a wavering voice. There was a pause where the teen was too shocked to respond and, for a moment, he stopped breathing.
“I’m sorry, sensei,” Midoriya apologized once he remembered how to inhale and the arms around him grew tighter as Shouta buried his face in his student’s curls. Hizashi eyed the hug with no small amount of jealousy. That made three. Midoriya really was the luckiest kid alive.
After several seconds of debating whether or not to separate them so he could have a Shouta hug, something caught Hizashi’s eye. He turned toward the movement to see that All Might had risen and was slowly moving closer. His features were drawn tight and he’d been awfully quiet all night.
Hizashi smiled and approached the Symbol of Peace. “Don’t worry, All Might. You’re next.” All Might relaxed a bit at his words before he looked over to the darker-haired duo. Now that Midoriya was in his arms, Shouta was finally able to ease a small percent of the tension he'd been saddled with.
“I’m not too sure about that, Yamada,” All Might said fondly, gesturing to the two. “I have a feeling Aizawa's never gonna let go.”