Chapter Text
Part 1: killing the sun
It was a routine mission, but then again, wasn’t it always? Look, we all know how it goes, infiltrating a supposedly empty base, normally for data or because of a distress call. In this particular case, Pidge had recently completed a drive that could hack past the previously airtight defenses of inactive Galra tech. Often the empire would abandon a base or ship and before they did they’d quickly wipe the place. However, you know that thing your parents tell you? “Nothing is ever really gone from the internet”? Apparently, it’s true for outside of human technology too.
The mission was simple. Get into the closest deserted Galran base, test Pidge’s device, and hopefully gather data if it worked out as planned.
In other words, the mission was boring.
“Are you almost done?” Lance asked.
“For fucks sake, no!” Pidge said exasperatedly “as I’ve told you six times over the past few minutes.”
Lance crossed his arms and frowned “I did not ask that many times.”
“You have asked a lot man,” Hunk pointed out. He was holding some tool out for Pidge who took it and used it to pry a panel off the control panel.
Lance didn’t respond to that at first, watching how the two of them worked together seamlessly. “Well,” Lance said after a moment “why am I even here?”
“To keep watch,” Pidge said not looking up from her work.
“Firstly, it’s an abandoned base. Secondly, Keith is here.” Lance gestured to the red paladin who was leaning against the wall, sword held in his hand.
“Fine!” Pidge snapped “Then go if you’re so fucking bored.”
Lance faltered under her sharp glare “I will,” he said drawing himself up “I’m going to have a look around, don’t leave without me.”
“Keep talking and we might,” Lance heard Pidge mutter under her breath as he turned down the hallway.
The rest of the base it turned out, wasn’t much more exciting than the room he’d been in before. It was empty and dark. Every room he passed was the same and he was ready to head back with a sigh of defeat when he caught a faint glow underneath a door. It was barely noticeable but with the dimness around him and Lance’s sharp eyes it stood out.
He paused, his bayard transforming into a blaster in his hands. Stood on high alert Lance scanned the room for life forms. When it came up dark he stepped forward cautiously, the door slid open as Lance approached and he lowered his gun as he realized there was no danger. It was just like every other room, bare and quiet. The only difference was in the corner a small glowing tube.
Lance frowned stepping forward. He’d seen that stuff before, it was quintessence. He knew the Galra harvested it somehow, that’s what Allura had said this base was used for. One must have been left behind.
This was great, Lance could bring it back to his team, Allura had been trying to get her hands on some for months. He put away his bayard and reached out to grab the glowing tube. As soon as he touched it Lance felt something in his gut screaming that this was wrong, but it was too late.
The vial shattered in his hand.
It seemed to happen in slow motion and Lance was helpless to do anything but watch as the quintessence spilled over him.
He cried out in pain as the moment rushed back to him. Lance had been burned before but this was a thousand times more intense. For a moment as the pain burned through him, Lance thought he was going to die. Then, as soon as it had all happened the pain faded to a distant ache and he was holding a broken, and now empty tube in his hand.
Lance didn’t like his gloves, they were uncomfortable. He took them off whenever he could, now he regretted it as he shakily examined his hand. It was almost completely black except for a faint web of purple under his skin. It didn’t look good, but it didn’t hurt much now and he could move it so he assumed it was fine.
As he examined the mess he’d made Lance could already see Shiro’s disappointed look, Allura’s angry glare when they found out he’d broken something so important. What they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them right? The quintessence was already gone anyway, there was no point in bringing it up, no one else knew it existed in the first place.
Mind made up, Lance pulled out his gloves putting them on, careful of the burn on his right hand. He’d sneak some of that magic Altean healing salve when they got back to the castle ship, no harm done.
No one acknowledged him when he slipped back into the control room, Keith still stood in the same spot, quiet as ever and Pidge and Hunk were putting away their tools.
“Where have you been?” Pidge snapped, “We got the data and we’re leaving.”
“Just walking around,” Lance shrugged.
—
“What’s with the gloves?” Hunk asked Lance at dinner once they were all out of their armor and tucked around the table.
“Oh,” Lance shrugged “I’m trying to desensitize myself to them.” He lied “you know how much I hate them but I figure if I get used to wearing them it won’t bother me anymore.”
Shiro hummed approvingly “that’s a good idea, Lance. It’s important we’re in full armor and completely protected, that’s unusually mature of you.”
Lance’s heart dropped at the “unusually” part, but he just smiled. “Yeah, you never know what could happen, wanna make sure my hands are safe.”
Once everyone had their food goo for the night and had gone off to do their thing (Allura going over maps with Coran, Keith and Shiro sparring, and Pidge and Hunk working on some project.) Lance snuck to the infirmary and stole a container of the healing salve. He smuggled it safely to his room and went to the bathroom pulling off his gloves.
He was surprised to see that his hand which had previously been completely black now looked normal. He frowned pulling up his sleeve. Somehow the black burn had moved from his hand to his wrist. It wrapped around it like a bracelet, tendrils reaching up his arm. A purple light pulsed beneath his skin wrapping around his veins. That couldn’t be good, but still, it didn’t hurt and pain was the signal that something was wrong, right? So it was fine. Lance quickly rubbed some of the Altean salve over the burn and on his hand just to be safe. Once he was done he put the container on the counter and started his skincare routine without a second thought.
—
“Okay team, the simulation wasn’t bad but I think most of us really need to work on hand-to-hand combat. You’re not always going to have your weapon,” Shiro was saying, giving them a lecture which he’d given a hundred times before “so why don’t we do some hand to hand sparring? I’ll split you into groups and Allura will join so we have an even number.” He gestured to the princess who’d been observing during the simulation. “Hunk you’ll be with me.” Hunk grimaced at that but nodded, Shiro was a tough partner. “Keith and Allura will work together and Pidge and Lance.”
“No!” Pidge protested “Lance never takes it seriously,” she complained.
Lance winced internally at her remark, Pidge didn’t mean to be hurtful, she just wasn’t afraid to tell it how she saw it. He shouldn’t be hurt by it.
Shiro shot her a look “don’t whine, I don’t want to switch up groups.”
“It’s fine, I’ll go with Lance and Pidge can go with Allura.” Keith volunteered.
Shiro considered it for a moment “okay, okay fine.” He agreed “but good behavior you two,” he said looking to Lance sternly before clapping his hands, “Okay get to it!”
Keith seemed relieved as he and Lance moved to a farther corner of the room, even after all this time the red paladin still never seemed completely comfortable around Allura, he was probably glad not to spar with her.
Lance liked sparring with Keith. As they fought, Lance thought to himself that it was easy, that was something he knew how to do. To push at Keith, know his openings, his weaknesses.
Keith took him down four times before Lance finally managed to win, pinning Keith down, his knee to the other paladin’s throat. Keith tapped Lance’s leg twice in the signal that he yielded and Lance let him up immediately reaching out a hand to help him up without thought.
Keith seemed surprised at that but before Lance could overthink it, Keith took his hand pulling himself up.
“Good job,” he said quietly, then it was Lance’s turn to be surprised but Keith quickly got back into a fighting stance before Lance could respond, so he copied the red paladin’s movement and prepared for another fight.
—
“Lance, did you grab the equipment?”
“Huh?”
Hunk frowned “the little box in the lab, I asked you to grab it for us.” He said gesturing to himself and Pidge who was tinkering with something intently.
“Oh,” Lance said trying to wrack his brain, he didn’t remember Hunk asking that at all “sorry, I forgot I’ll go get it.”
Hunk sighed “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll just get it myself when I’m done.”
“I can get it,” Lance protested “you’re busy.”
“It’s okay, I’ve got it. I don’t want you to forget again.”
Lance paused at that, okay geez. He shook his head leaving Hunk and Pidge to be geniuses. Lance intended to head to his room and lie down, he was exhausted for some reason, but he bumped into Allura in the hall.
“Are you doing anything?” Before he could answer her, she barreled on automatically assuming that he wasn’t “Coran needs help cleaning the healing pods.”
Lance just nodded, turning and heading the opposite way towards the med bay, once Coran had put him to work leaving him alone with his thoughts Lance couldn’t help but wonder. Was he really so useless that people just assumed he wasn’t doing anything? Everyone had their thing, their group. Not Lance though, he was always the odd one out. He’d pretty much known that the whole time, recently though he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. Sure, it’d bothered him before, but it was just how it was. Now Lance couldn’t stop noticing it, all the little remarks. They were itching under his skin.
“Lance!”
He was suddenly yanked out of his thoughts by Coran’s voice.
“Sorry what?”
“Ah, there you are, my boy, I was calling your name and you couldn’t hear me.”
“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. What were you saying?”
“That pod is done,” he gestured to the one Lance was sat in front of. “You can move onto the next one now,”
“Oh sure, sorry I didn’t hear you before.”
“Oh no worries, we all get a little deep in our noggins sometimes.” Coran flashed Lance a smile and he couldn’t help but return it, Lance always felt better around the Altean, even if that meant cleaning pods.
—
“You can touch it,”
“Touch what?” Lance asked into the dark.
“All of it, everything.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“You do.” The words were firm the toneless voice echoing. “You could have the universe,” the voice twisted becoming higher pitched and filled with mirth “glory to Lance McLain.”
There was silence, nothing. Then the snap of his neck filling the emptiness. Lance laughed.
Lance woke with a start, his death shaking him from the dream. It seemed like a nightmare but his heart beat steadily in his chest and he didn’t feel shaken or scared. He lay still for a moment trying to fall back asleep but he felt restless. With a sigh Lance sat up and switched on his lamp, grabbing his dream journal.
Lance had a lot of nightmares when he was younger, his mother had bought him a journal to write them down in hopes that it would help him sort through his feelings. It’d worked, writing it down made them feel manageable and he’d written down pretty much all his dreams ever since. It was comforting to Lance.
He flipped to a blank page and started writing, once he’d recounted it he put the journal away feeling calmer, and immediately fell asleep.
He didn’t remember the dream the next morning.
—
The mark on Lance’s wrist hadn’t gone away, he’d been rubbing the salve on it regularly but it still stayed just as dark. It didn’t hurt at all anymore so Lance figured it must be like a scar or something. Lance wasn’t as vain as everyone seemed to think he was, he did care about his appearance, but he knew some people didn’t and respected it. Lance liked to care about those things, he liked the meticulous routine of his nightly skincare, but on the occasion that he missed it (which he did often, seeing they were in space fighting an intergalactic war.) he wasn’t upset by it. He understood priorities. However, the scar did bother Lance. Something about it turned his stomach, knotting it in dread. The whole thing felt wrong… but then again everything felt wrong most days. They were smack in the middle of a war, there was always a sense of anxiety hanging over all of them, it’s what kept them alive and ready to jump to defense at any minute.
But what if you don’t know what you’re fighting?
The thought gave Lance a pause, it was weird. He knew exactly what he was fighting, the Galra. That was who it had always been, there was no question about it. For a brief moment, Lance felt wildly out of control, like his mind was spinning out of his reach and he couldn’t grab hold of it. As quickly as his thoughts swirled in a sense of unexplainable panic, it subsided, leaving Lance blinking in its wake.
He hadn’t been sleeping well lately, he was probably tired and his mind was just trying to cope with everything on too little sleep.
“Okay, are you all ready?”
Lance started too, realizing he was standing in the training room and Shiro was about to begin a simulation.
“Wait what’s the sim we’re doing?”
“I just explained it, Lance,” Shiro scolded.
“I know, I’m sorry I didn’t hear.”
Shiro’s eyes narrowed “you need to pay attention Lance, I’ll explain it again but you’re going to stay behind after this and we’re going to talk, do you understand?”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pidge and Hunk exchange a look. “Yes sir,” Lance muttered
“Good,” Shiro nodded then began to repeat the simulation instructions.
When training was over and the rest of the team was going off to shower and grab lunch Lance stayed listening to their happily exhausted chatter fade out as they traveled down the hall.
“Look, Lance,” Shiro said turning to him “I’ve tried to be patient with you, I know you’re a kid, and you were thrown into this. I figured you needed time to adjust but everyone was thrown into the same as you, and they’re kids too. In fact, Pidge is even younger and they’re able to take this seriously. You need to commit. I can’t have a team with one of the members barely present. You need to start doing more to help out, keep your complaints to yourself on missions, stop picking fights with Keith, and take training more seriously. This is war Lance, not a game. If you can’t get it together someone is going to die.”
Lance’s face was flushed with shame, his first instinct was to protest but he knew that arguing would only make him seem more childish and unworthy of being a part of the team. “Yes sir,” Lance said stiffly, not meeting Shiro’s eyes.
He heard Shiro sigh and the black paladin placed a gentle hand on Lance’s shoulder “look I know this might seem a little harsh, I don’t mean any of this as hurtful. It’s just the truth and we can’t afford to dance around it, okay? You have a lot of potential Lance.”
He wanted to scoff at that. He’d aced biology in high school he had the potential to become a doctor too if he’d wanted, but that didn’t mean shit. “Okay, I understand.”
“Good, go join the others and get some lunch,” Shiro said warmly and Lance nodded in response, feeling weirdly light and numb as he departed the training room.
Lance meant to go join the team in the dining room but he blinked and somehow he was standing in front of the window on the observation deck. He shook his head not remembering how he got there. God, he really was such a fucking airhead.
He frowned frustrated with himself and then turned on his heel heading towards the dining hall, this time he made it there.
“Hey Lance, just in time for dinner,” Hunk smiled as he entered.
Lance faltered in his steps “Dinner?”
Hunk raised his eyebrows “yeah dinner, what were you expecting?”
“I…” he remembered Shiro saying lunch, had he remembered wrong? “Nothing,” Lance smiled faintly taking his seat.
During dinner, the conversation swirled around him but he didn’t participate, he was filled with a peculiar feeling like he was slipping. Grasping at a surface with no purchase to hold onto to.
—
It was about a week later when his wrist began to hurt. It started as an ache, barely noticeable. At first, he attributed it to sore muscles from training after a particularly intense session, but as the days passed the rest of his soreness faded away, the pain in his wrist only grew. It came in and out like the tide, persistent but ignorable pain most of the time. However, sometimes at night, it became a sharp burning sensation, starting at his fingertips and shooting up his arm and spine his spine. At this point, Lance figured he probably had been injured by the quintessence spill after all. He knew he should tell someone but he felt stupid. He’d broken the goddamn thing in the first place, and then he’d kept it a secret for the past three weeks despite the alarming mark on his wrist. God, his team would be so pissed that he’d gotten himself into this. So he didn’t tell anyone, he decided he would if it seemed to get worse, but after raiding the med bay for pain medicine, the pain became more manageable. It was always there, but more distant and the medicine completely stopped the flare-ups at night. Lance considered the situation handled.
There was no need to involve the rest of the team.
“Are you okay?”
Lance felt like he was having déjà vu as he opened his eyes to find he was once again standing on the observation deck with absolutely no idea how he got there. Except for this time Keith was present, wearing his usual black t-shirt but paired with grey sweat pants. It took a moment for Lance to put together that these were probably Keith’s pajamas and therefore it must be the middle of the night, had Lance sleepwalked?
“Lance?” Keith said uncertainly
“Um, yeah,” Lance said quickly.
Keith frowned “do you come up here a lot?”
Lance didn’t want to say that he didn’t know so he just shrugged “sometimes,”
Keith nodded, turning away from Lance to watch the vastness of space outside the window. The late hours of the night seemed to soften the red paladin and Lance like the way his dark hair curled slightly, probably from a shower before bed.
“You’ve been distant lately,” Keith said quietly.
That hadn’t been what Lance expected Keith to say. “What do you mean?”
“You haven’t picked a single fight with me in weeks,”
“I- do you want me to?” Lance asked incredulously.
“No, no.” Keith crossed his arms “it’s just not like you,”
“Not like me to not be an asshole?”
Keith’s brow furrowed at Lance’s words “that’s not what I said, you just haven’t seemed as… lighthearted.”
“I’m supposed to take things more seriously,”
“You can take things seriously and still joke sometimes. You’ve done it, everyone is just being hard on you. We… could all use to take things less seriously sometimes.”
Was Keith coming to his defense? Lance shifted replaying his words. That didn’t make sense.
“Anyway,” Keith said after a moment when Lance didn’t respond “I’m going to bed. Just… we’re friends so if something is wrong and you could tell me. Only if you needed, but I’m you know, here…” he trailed off awkwardly.
“We’re friends?” Lance repeated quietly.
“I- nevermind,” Keith said quickly, turning away before Lance could say something.
He didn’t know what, assure him they were friends? Apologize? Either way, it was too late now.
—
Lance was fine, truly he was.
He’d started training in his free time and making an effort to help Coran around the castle. As much as Lance disliked the various chores he found he liked to listen to Coran’s stories, even if some of them were most certainly embellished. Lance thought that Coran was probably lonely, Allura had already heard all his stories and the other paladins didn’t want to listen to them. Lance knew the feeling, the shame of talking only to trail off and realize no one was listening or cared what you were saying. So Lance listened to Coran, much to the delight of the older Altean.
“Oh, Lance!” Coran said bounding into the common area one slow evening “remember I was telling you about those crystals Altean children had, I found a couple tucked away. They’re a little dusty but no harm done. Would you like to see them?”
Lance smiled remembering Coran’s story about a young Allura having a penchant for throwing her’s at people. “Sure I’d love to,” Lance said relived.
Pidge and Hunk had been talking about some science-y thing Lance didn’t understand while Shiro and Allura chatted strategy, Keith was off training which left Lance sitting on the couch, unsure if he should try to make an effort to join a conversation. He’d been listening to Shiro and Allura, he had a few ideas for their training strategy but he knew they wouldn’t take him seriously if he offered his opinion. He was hardly qualified.
No one looked up as Lance left with Coran. Lance felt comforted walking alongside someone through the dim hall, so often he wandered them alone. He’d always catch shadows out of the corner of his eye and imagined ghosts of the previous paladins watching him, disapproving and ashamed that someone so unworthy had taken their place. It made him shiver and look behind him, but with someone else, it felt like just a hallway.
Coran led Lance to a small room Lance had never been in, it seemed to be a storage space. The two of them had gone through a couple of them in their cleaning. The castle held a lot of history and sometimes it felt endless.
Coran rummaged through a box before pulling out a handful of glowing crystals in assorted colors. They were smooth more like stones than crystals, Coran had said that was so children didn’t hurt themselves on them.
“Altean children chose one at birth, their parents would present them with a few and then one would glow signaling the bond. Every child has one, and we keep them all our lives. They bring comfort in times of distress.”
Lance nodded admiring the crystals “they’re beautiful,”
He reached out to touch one and suddenly a dark blue crystal lit up, pulsing gently. It looked like light streaming through the water when you were deep below, the outside of the world out of reach and unable to hurt.
Coran beamed “well look at that! It looks like a crystal has chosen you!”
“B-but I’m not a child or Altean,” Lance said confused.
“You don’t have to be either, it’s not unheard of for adults who didn’t receive one sooner to bond with a crystal, and while the tradition was most common in Altean culture, it was not limited to it. You should take the crystal.”
“Are you sure?” Lance asked uncertainly.
“Absolutely!” Coran held it out and Lance took it from him carefully, the crystal was warm in his hand and he felt a gentle feeling wash over him, similar to the feeling Blue sometimes gave him.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, pocketing the stone.
“Of course, my boy. I must tell you I appreciate your company lately, it does get a little lonely maintaining the castle myself.”
“Oh,” Lance was surprised by the admission “I’m just doing my part, but I appreciate your company too.”
Coran patted Lance’s shoulder merrily and he was reminded very much of his uncle. A pang of homesickness shot through his chest but Lance pushed it away. “Do you need any help?”
“It’s supposed to be your time off right now, you should go relax while you can.”
Lance wanted to protest but Coran didn’t seem like he’d budge on the matter so Lance just nodded and left the Altean to start sorting through the contents of the storage room, his carefree whistling followed Lance down the hall as he walked aimlessly unsure of where he was going. He didn’t want to go back to the common area to be ignored again.
Lance wound up in the training room intending to at least do something productive, he’d forgotten however that Keith was already there.
He was fighting a bot, hair tied back but most of it had escaped sticking sweatily to his face and neck. Keith wore a dark tank top and Lance thought that he liked the way the paladin’s shoulders flexed as he fought.
With one final blow Keith took out the bot and the session ended leaving him panting heavily as the bot retreated. Keith pulled up the bottom of his tank top using it to wipe his forehead and Lance caught a glance of his toned abs.
After a moment Keith noticed Lance standing in the doorway, he cocked his head questioningly. Lance didn’t respond verbally, rather he picked up the water bottle from the cooler in the corner and tossed it over. Keith caught it easily, nodding in thanks and taking a long sip.
They stood in silence, punctuated only by Keith’s heavy breathing which started to slow as his heart rate calmed down.
“Do you…” Lance started hesitantly “I mean- do you want to spar? Because… we’re friends?”
Keith paused surveying Lance, he seemed to take it for what it was, an apology, a peace offering. He nodded putting down the water bottle “sure.”
Lance stripped off his jacket, shivering slightly. He’d been freezing lately so he didn’t take off much, but it had a long-sleeve workout top underneath so he figured once he started sweating he’d warm up. For a second Lance thought he caught a flash of Keith’s eyes on his torso. Lance didn’t like this shirt much because it was too tight and showed how skinny and lanky he was, but for a moment Keith looked almost appreciative. No, no, that couldn’t be right. Lance cut off the thought and fell into a fighting stance.
Everything else faded away as they sparred and for the first time in awhile Lance felt grounded. There was nothing else to worry about but Keith’s next move and Lance’s own retaliation. He wasn’t sure how long they sparred but once Lance started to beat Keith time after time and sweat dripped down the red paladin, Lance called it. Keith had been training for hours before Lance joined him, he must have been exhausted.
“You’re a good opponent,” Keith panted as they both downed water. “We… should do this more often?” It came out a hesitant question.
“I- I’m not very good at hand to hand,”
“Sure you are. Your technique could use a little work and I think you could benefit from training with a blade of some sort, but you’re good.”
“Oh,” Lance said taken aback by the praise “okay then… I’ve only ever trained with a gun I don’t think a blade is my style.”
“You just have to find the right one. I can help you learn if you want. You know swords, knives, they’re my specialty.”
Lance smiled slightly at that “Yeah, I noticed.”
“Okay? So you’ll train with me?”
“Sure, as long as you don’t beat the shit out of me too much,”
“Nah, you can hold your own. I don’t think you’d let me.”
Lance didn’t know how to take the compliment so he just warned: “But I’m not training every hour of the day like you,”
“Don’t worry I wouldn’t expect you to, I know you have a lot of important work.”
Lance’s first assumption was that the word “important” was a mockery, poking fun at the fact that Lance was useless, but looking in Keith’s eyes he seemed dead serious. “Important work?”
“Yeah, the stuff you do with Coran.”
“Oh that’s not important, I just help him out a bit.”
Keith frowned “I wish you wouldn’t discredit yourself,”
Lance didn’t know what to say to that either so he just let Keith pass him another water bottle and they went through their cool down stretches in silence. Lance thought though that he could get used to this.
—
Keith was a hardass, it wasn’t like Lance wasn’t already aware of this but training with him really brought it to light. In training Shiro was always hard on Lance, Keith was hard on him in a different way. He pushed Lance because he seemed to think he could do better even when Lance didn’t believe in himself.
He’d also started training Lance with a sword, which for all his hesitance Lance found he quite enjoyed. It took a while to find the right type of blade but eventually, he settled on one which Keith said was like a Falcata. Lance had no idea what that meant but he liked the feel of it in his hands, even if it wasn’t perfectly weighted for him, it did the job. It turned out that sword fighting didn’t feel so different from dancing, which Lance had done all his life until he joined the Garrison. With the combination of Keith’s patience and his ability to somehow know exactly how far to push Lance, he got fairly good at it.
The next few months passed in a haze, Lance spent all his time they weren’t on missions either helping Coran or training with Keith. It was nice to feel like he had some purpose and he was so busy he didn’t have any time to get stuck in his head. He’d gotten used to the constant pain in his arm now and couldn’t remember what it felt like without it. He still had to pop painkillers like candy, but Lance really felt like everything was under control. Shiro hadn’t scolded him in a while and sure, Lance still woke up standing in the observation deck some nights, but a little bit of sleepwalking wasn’t going to kill him.
So since everything was going smoothly, of course, it was time a mission went wrong.
They’d planned a meeting with the planet Ritalea to talk with them about the coalition and it’d turned into an ambush. Galra were appearing just as fast as he could shoot them. After what must have been hours of fighting the last of them had fallen or retreated and the paladins stood in silence, panting exhaustedly.
On Shiro’s signal, Lance dropped from the point he’d been sniping from and joined his team. As he walked toward them he caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He twisted registering a rising Galra, clutching his sword and heading right towards Keith whose back was turned. No one else seemed to notice. Lance didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t shoot him without risking shooting Keith and if he yelled Keith would turn and simply take the blade to the chest instead of the back. Lance’s thoughts all passed by in a split second and without a second's hesitation Lance rushed forward raising his blaster in hope that it would block the blow a little, maybe he couldn’t stop the Galra completely but he could stop Keith from being sliced in half at least.
As Lance got between the Galra and Keith he was surprised when instead of a crunch as the sword met his blaster there was a loud clang echoing through the room.
The team spun in surprise and Lance didn’t pause to question how exactly he was holding a sword now, instead, he let Keith's training take over and fought back the Galra. The Galra was angry and vicious but Lance was angry too and he parried the blows effortlessly, all it took was a single moment when the Galra left himself open and Lance drove his sword into the man’s chest, a burning pain shot through Lance’s arm but he ignored it. The Galra fell with a groan and stilled in a matter of seconds. As Lance regarded him cooly all he could think was that fighting with a sword was a lot messier than a gun.
Good. This Galra had tried to kill Keith while his back was turned, the man deserved a messy death, in fact, it’d been too quick for Lance’s liking.
Giving the Galra one last look he turned to Keith “you alright?”
Pidge and Hunk were gaping openly at Lance but Keith just looked curious.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.”
Lance just shrugged bloody sword still gripped in his hand “wasn’t going to let him kill you,”
Keith simply nodded in response but Lance could see his gratitude in the depth of his eyes.
“Since when does your bayard become a sword?” Pidge asked somewhat accusingly.
Lance’s eyes narrowed slightly at her tone, she talked as if he’d somehow done something wrong by saving Keith’s life. “Since now apparently.” he said dismissively “let’s go before anyone else tries to kill us please?”
“Uh, I second that,” Hunk said nervously.
Shiro examined Lance with a look he couldn’t read before nodding “Okay, let’s move out team.”
—
Since things went wrong on Ritalea they wound up making a visit to Ioria sooner than anticipated. Ioria was a member of the coalition and they were supposed to work with them on a mission in a few weeks, but since the castle ship had taken damage during the ambush they wound up going early so they could begin repairs. The queen, Lanea, invited them to stay in the palace, and honestly, it was a nice change from being trapped in a ship all the time. They had beautiful gardens and the first few days Lance spent most of his time out there until he was scolded by Shiro for not helping out (even though Lance protested that he had been helping Coran gather supplies to repair the castle ship). After that, he was dragged inside to listen while they strategized their mission with Ioria and Lance kept his mouth shut knowing no one would listen to what he had to say.
Without the training deck, Lance saw a lot less of Keith and he began to wonder if they were friends after all? If they had no reason to interact outside of training that wasn’t friendship right? But then again, Hunk rarely had time for Lance nowadays and he still considered Hunk a friend. So either Lance had no friends or he needed to adjust his criteria for friendship.
Despite the peacefulness of Ioria Lance found himself getting restless, and it didn’t help that the pain in his arm had doubled in the days since it had flared when he killed the Galra. Now Lance was taking more and more medicine to keep it semi-manageable. To sum it all up, Lance was irritable, in pain, and everyone always on his ass was not helping.
At dinner, some guy Ricode who was royalty of some sort had taken to flirting with Lance. Sure, he’d always enjoyed a little bit of flirting for fun but it had been a long time since that was on his mind at all, and Ricode’s advances made Lance uncomfortable. However, when he’d tried to get his seat moved Allura had hissed at him that he had to make nice with everyone and to suck it up and deal. Lance had complied angrily but over the days Ricode got bolder and bolder, bordering on creepy and he wouldn’t listen to Lance when he tried to explain he wasn’t interested.
So during planning one day when Ricode suggested Lance join him on a trip out to the warehouses to take stock of weapons, alone and Allura accepted immediately on Lance’s behalf, he finally snapped.
“I’m glad your blue paladin is free to accompany me,” he thanked Allura with a smile.
“Of course, he’s not needed here.” She said dismissing Lance.
When Ricode gestured for Lance to join him and Lance didn’t move Allura shot him a look. “Lance go, you’ll be more help at the warehouses.”
“No,”
Allura’s eyes widened and the chattering in the room stopped immediately at Lance’s refusal.
“Excuse me?” She asked her eyes flashing dangerously.
“I said no.”
“You have no right—“
“You have no right.” Lance cut her off “I already told you about dinner and you ignored me!”
At this Shiro stepped in “Lance, go with Ricode he needs your help. I don’t know what this dinner thing is all about but if Allura is telling you to go regardless of whatever complaints you have then I trust her. You need to stop being overdramatic.”
Lance bristled at that. He wanted to shout to ask why they didn’t trust him, what had he done? Acted goofy a bit too much, made one too many jokes? Did that warrant their lack of trust in him?
No one spoke as Lance turned and joined Ricode without a word following him out the doors.
On their walk over to the warehouses, Ricode kept up an aimless but friendly chatter while Lance simply nodded in response, feeling on edge.
Lance was starting to hope that maybe he had been overdramatic, that was until they’d entered the warehouse out of anyone’s sight Ricode grabbed Lance’s wrist tightly.
“You’ve been playing with me,” he hissed pushing Lance roughly against the wall.
“I haven’t been playing,” Lance gasped “I told you I’m not interested!”
Ricode hissed angrily “I know that’s not true.”
He grabbed Lance by the throat and for a moment every bit of training went out the window. He was powerless, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.
“Take what’s yours,”
He didn’t know where the whisper came from, why it sounded like an echo of something he’d heard before. But it didn’t matter, it was right. He could take it.
Lance brought his knee up hard into Ricode’s crotch, he doubled over in pain, and in an instant, Lance stalked forward like a predator knowing it could easily overpower its prey. Lance’s bayard was in his hand transformed into a sword again. He didn’t remember drawing it, but it didn’t matter. Lance put a boot on Ricode’s chest as he sputtered, Lance held the blade to the royal’s throat. He gasped and Lance leaned forward his voice a deadly whisper.
“Touch me one more time and I will make sure you can never do it again.”
He kicked Ricode one last time for good measure. When he stayed down Lance smirked and turned away.
When Lance returned to the hall with the rest of the team Allura looked up with a frown “where’s Ricode? How are the weapons?”
“I don’t know, we parted ways when we got back. Weapons are fine.” Lance lied easily, he felt much calmer now that he’d pushed Ricode around a little bit.
Allura looked unconvinced but she let it go. “Okay, so we have the containment machines the Iorians have been so kind as to let us use, you’re all set up in your quadrant to take the base as soon as we break into one in the south quadrant?” She asked Queen Lanea.
“Indeed, thanks to your support.”
“And thanks to yours,” Allura inclined her head “we never would be able to transport the quintessence without your containment cells.”
“Of course,” the queen smiled “besides the Galra, and of course you Princess Allura, we’re the only species left with such knowledge and sensitivity to quintessence. It’s only fair we share our resources, especially with Altean’s, as your race pioneered everything we know about quintessence.”
Allura smiled “and you furthered that knowledge, I am glad that someone uses it for good. We thank you for your hospitality, we will be out of your hair by tomorrow.”
“It’s been an honor, I must insist we all share one more dinner tonight, to see you off, yes?”
“Of course Queen Lanea, it would be our pleasure.”
—
Dinner that night was much the same as the others and Lance comforted himself with the knowledge that it’d be their last there. Everything was going just fine until the seat beside Lance which had until then stayed mercifully empty, was suddenly filled by a very pissed Ricode with a dark bruise blooming on his cheek from where Lance had kicked him.
The queen looked up at Ricode’s late appearance “where have you been?” She asked briskly “it’s rude to make a late appearance.”
“Well,” Ricode said, voice purposely ringing through the room so everyone could hear his next words clearly “I was dealing with an injury seeing as the blue paladin is a psycho and attacked me.”
“What?” Allura hissed.
“He’s crazy and dangerous.” Ricode said sharply “I can’t believe something as mighty and great as Voltron would associate with someone like him.”
“Lance is this true?” Shiro asked sharply.
Lance shrugged “it wasn’t unprovoked, I did try to tell you.”
“I didn’t do anything!” Ricode exclaimed playing the part of the poor confused victim, you were angry when we left and when I tried to make conversation with you, you attacked me!”
“That’s not true,”
“See you’re crazy and a liar!” Ricode reached forward towards Lance.
Lance didn’t know what Ricode’s intentions were, whether he aimed to hurt him, or simply grab him to lay some claim and Lance would never find out because as soon as the royal’s hand started towards Lance, he reacted.
He wasn’t even sure what had happened at first as Ricode let out a roar of pain and Allura screamed. When Lance looked down it took him a second to realize that he’d driven his fork through Ricode’s hand, pinning it to the table.
There was a moment of silence when no one seemed to know what to say and Lance just leaned back casually “I told you if you tried to touch me one more time I’d make sure you never did again.” He said conversationally.
Pidge let out a little gasp of disbelief, then suddenly the initial horror started to wear off and Shiro was up in an instant grabbing Lance by the arm. “We’re leaving right now.”
As Shiro dragged Lance off Ioria he didn’t say a single word the whole trip back to the castle ship. Every once in a while he’d shoot Lance horrified looks. Once they got back to the ship Shiro locked Lance in the control room and disappeared for a few hours. Probably to attempt to save any diplomatic relations with Ioria after Lance had publicly attacked a member of their royalty. Lance giggled to himself at the thought but immediately stopped as an agonizing pain shot up his arm and he whimpered curling into himself.
At the sound of the door sliding open Lance sat up immediately wiping any traces of pain from his expression.
Shiro and Allura marched in with the rest of the team trailing behind them, apparently come to watch the show.
“What the fuck was that?” Shiro asked his voice deadly calm.
“I defended myself,” Lance crossed his arms.
“Defended yourself?” Shiro asked incredulously “Lance you were in a room full of fucking people, he was never going to hurt you.”
“Being in a room full of people didn’t stop me from putting a fork through his hand,” Lance pointed out.
“Because you’re apparently out of your mind!” Allura yelled.
“Well,” Lance hissed “maybe if you hadn’t left me alone with him when I told you that he made me uncomfortable and I didn’t have to pry his hands off my goddamn throat, then I wouldn’t have felt the need to defend myself! I told you Allura that he scared me, you told me to suck it up and deal! What because I used to be a flirt? You thought oh, Lance is a slut anyway, he’s being overdramatic, he probably wants it. Right? So I’m sorry I reacted violently after he’d already attacked me! I don’t ask for anything! I don’t expect any of you to give a shit about me or look out for my well-being but you can’t expect me not to defend myself when it’s what we’re trained for.”
“Look, I’m sorry I underestimated him, Lance,” Allura said throwing out a meaningless apology “but you should have told us that something happened, done anything other than attack—“
“Did he hurt you?” Keith spoke up cutting off Allura.
Her eyes narrowed angrily at being interrupted but both Keith and Lance ignored her.
Lance reached up, unzipping his jacket so Keith could see the handprint bruise around Lance’s neck “not badly,” he muttered. Keith stepped forward quickly, stopping in front of Lance and gently tilting his chin up to see the bruise better. “I held a sword to his throat so it discouraged him.”
The corner of Keith’s mouth lifted up in a smile at that “that’s my boy,” he hummed approvingly and something about the fondness of the expression felt like it shouldn’t suit Keith but Lance found he liked the way softness looked on the red paladin.
“What the fuck don’t encourage him, Keith!”
Apparently, Shiro cursed a lot when he was angry, who would have thought?
—
Lance was essentially put in time out for the next week. Allura and Shiro forced him to stay back from every mission they could saying that he was “untrustworthy” until they knew he could control his impulses. Lance had pointed out to Keith that no one held him back from missions for being impulsive. Keith had said that was because he’d never publicly stabbed anyone. “Well, that they know of,” he corrected himself after a moment sending Lance into a fit of laughter.
Lance quickly got used to the piercing glares Allura sent him and the way Hunk flinched every time Lance walked into the room (jeez, it wasn’t like he was going around stabbing every person he came across, he didn’t understand why the hell Hunk was scared of him).
Voltron had managed to save the Alliance with Ioria on the small fact that the queen secretly agreed that Ricode was a slimeball, even if she wasn’t happy with him being stabbed at her dining room table. She passed on the containers and so mission quintessence was a go.
Lance flexed his hand under the table as Allura explained that they needed the special containers to transport quintessence because it was very volatile (really? No shit). Allura had been dying to get her hands on some for ages, a few vials could power entire cities according to the princess, and it could help a lot of people.
Lance thought regretfully of the tube he’d idiotically spilled, to think he could have helped a lot of people with that and maybe even gotten some praise from his team, instead he wound up with an ugly scar and chronic pain.
Yeah, the pain.
Every day it seemed to become less and less manageable. Lance was taking pain meds by the handful at this point, every time he took some he made a quick plea to god that he wouldn’t OD on it. If nights had been hard before now they were hell. Lance barely slept, sometimes he cried, sometimes he cursed, sometimes he threatened to cut off his arm. Whatever he did, it still hurt and Lance couldn’t change it.
“And be careful with the quintessence everyone,” Allura warned in the middle of her briefing “you don’t want to get any of it on you.”
“Why not?” Pidge asked curiously “what would happen?”
“Well,” Allura frowned “I’m unsure of the exact effects on humans, but very few species can come into contact with quintessence. As far as I know only, Alteans, Galrans, and Iorians. That’s why we’re the three species that work with it so much because we’re more in tune and sensitive to it but even then direct contact with too much is deadly. For any other species, it’s quite simple, you touch it you die.”
Lance froze at that, a burning pain running up his arm like it was mocking him. What?
“What like instantly?” Pidge asked completely unaware of Lance having a slight mental breakdown beside her.
“No, not usually unless you’re submerged in it somehow, a person develops quintessence sickness. They are in an imaginable amount of pain for varying lengths of time depending on the species. Sometimes quintants, for some deca-phoebs, but regardless they all die. There’s no cure.”
Lance examined a crack on the table numbly, he felt like he should feel more as someone who’d just found out he was dying, but it didn’t feel like a revelation. It just felt like another batch of words trying to penetrate through the fog in his head.
—
The mission turned out alright, or at least Lance was pretty sure it did. Truthfully he hardly remembered it. Shiro yelled at Lance for a good twenty minutes after, something about not paying attention and putting the team in danger but Lance didn’t remember what he’d done and it was hardly like he could ask.
Everyone on the team seemed to be mad at Lance when he came into the dining room for lunch the next day and he shifted a little at the negative energy directed his way.
“What?” Lance asked after a particularly sharp glare from Pidge.
“What?” She repeated incredulously “you’ve been AWOL for days, you wouldn’t go to training, you wouldn’t help Coran. We’re part of a team and you’ve been an asshole lately!”
Lance frowned “What are you talking about? I was helping Coran with the air generators all yesterday night.”
“Lance, really? Now you’re just lying.” Shiro said disapprovingly.
“No! I’m not!” Lance protested “after we got back from the mission I stayed up helping Coran, he can tell you?”
“What mission?” Keith asked and Lance trailed off in his prepared defense, that wasn’t what he’d expected to hear.
“What do you mean? The one we did yesterday, gathering the quintessence or whatever.”
There was a heavy silence and then Keith said: “Lance that was weeks ago.”
“What? N-no. That was yesterday, I’m pretty sure…” he trailed off, he remembered the day of the mission, going to bed and then waking up this morning. Had it really been weeks since then? “I- never mind. I was confused, time in space is just…” He waved a hand in the air to indicate what exactly time was, though he wasn’t really sure so after a moment he let it fall to his side. “I’m just gonna,” he pointed to the door and turned on his heel.
A few days later (and yes he was pretty sure it was only days this time.) Lance overheard a conversation between Shiro and Keith.
“Look I’m telling you I think something’s wrong with Lance.”
“I know you care about him Keith, but I really think he’s playing some kind of game. He knew full well what he was doing when stabbed Ricode, all his behavior is purposeful. I honestly think it’s just to spite us, he’s seemed angry.”
“Because you’re all dismissing him! He’s been distant for a long time, that plus the violence and I think he’s losing time. What if something is wrong?”
“Keith, I think you’re being paranoid, but okay I’ll keep an eye out for him okay?”
“Okay, I wish you’d just cut Lance some slack.”
“I wish he’d earn it,” Shiro said seriously.
Lance didn’t hear Keith’s response because he quickly took off down the hall unwilling to hear anymore.
He still hadn’t really thought about the whole dying thing. It was always lurking in the back of his mind, it was kind of hard to forget with the pain a constant reminder, but he didn’t examine how he felt about it. He couldn’t yet, he couldn’t accept that he’d probably have no more than a few years at the longest (which he didn’t wager would happen seeing as his pain got worse every day.) and days at the least. He’d never go back to earth, never tell his mama he loved her again, never see the sun or the sky, never get married, he wouldn’t be there when the war ended. He’d die. They’d find another blue paladin, one who was better than Lance and no one would dare say it but they’d be relieved, glad they finally had someone fit for the job.
—
Lance couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. He didn’t know where he was or what was happening, but everything hurt, oh god it hurt.
—
You could have it all, take it.
Take it.
TAKE IT!
—
“Coran!” Pidge called “what happened to all the pain meds, I have a headache but when I went to go take some I couldn’t find any.”
Coran frowned “now that’s peculiar, I know we have plenty.”
“There’s nothing, the cabinet was empty.”
He shook his head “I’ll go help you look, maybe they got moved.”
Lance didn’t inform them that they wouldn’t find any, he’d already taken them all.
—
The blackness of the burn from the quintessence stretched up his entire arm now, leaving it looking like the limb of a corpse. Lance hated it, hated the way it’d started to move across his shoulders and towards his chest. He wondered dimly if he’d die when it reached his heart.
—
“I don’t know what we have to do to get you to take this seriously Lance!”
—
Lance woke up on the observation deck again, he didn’t know why.
Had he lost time? Oh god, how long? At this point, he wasn’t going to remember any of the life he had left.
—
Lance wished he’d told his family he loved them more often.
--
“TAKE IT!”
—
“Okay everyone, I want us to practice with these knives today. Absolutely no sparring these are incredibly sharp, Coran is going to find us something blunt for sparring. But for today I want those of us who have never trained with a knife before to really get used to the feel of it, we’ll go over some technique and stances.”
At the end of Shiro’s announcement, everyone went to the table and carefully picked out a knife (except for Keith who eyed them all as if they weren’t up to his standards). Lance chose one closest to him. As he turned he caught sight of himself in the mirror across the room and he paused stepping closer to it.
He tuned out Shiro who was currently begging them all to be careful and fixated on the reflection in the mirror. Lance thought that it didn’t look like him. His reflection looked simultaneously too fucked up to be him and too normal. His eyes were sunken in his face and there were dark circles underneath. His skin looked dull and dry, something Lance never would have let get this bad before. Yet, despite all that, with his arm covered by his armor, there was no indication of the fact that he was dying. No sign of pain.
Lance couldn’t remember what it felt like not to hurt. Every day he’d wake up (if he’d slept at all) with an ache down to his bones. Everything hurt, getting out of bed felt like too much sometimes. He would lie in bed for hours in tears, just trying to work up the nerve to move while his teammates would bang on his door, yelling at him for oversleeping.
Sometimes Lance woke up and for a moment he couldn’t even remember his own name, that was worse than the pain. The not knowing.
He found that he’d begun wishing to die faster, he was tired. Every minute of his life was nothing but pain and constantly playing catch up. He lost so much time it felt like he never knew what was going on anymore and at this point, Pidge seemed to have come to the conclusion that he was just straight-up dumb. Shiro and Allura thought he didn’t care about Voltron, Hunk thought he’d become a monster, Keith… was worried.
He’d tried to talk to Lance multiple times until Lance had finally lost it and screamed: “god Keith, we’re not fucking friends leave me alone!”
Lance had gotten his wish. Their training sessions ended and Keith stopped asking if he was okay. They hadn’t talked in weeks now as far as Lance could remember, but he could feel Keith’s eyes on him sometimes.
Lance didn’t want to do this.
He didn’t want to prolong the inevitable. He didn’t want to try to make it through the days with a team who could barely tolerate him, a million light-years from home. All he wanted was to feel the warmth of his mama’s arms around him, smell her rose shampoo and the scent of home that always clung to her. Some nights Lance wished for it so hard that for a moment he’d swear he could feel her embrace, but it was only a figment of his imagination. He would never see her again, never get another hug. He’d die up here in the dark cold of space with a group of people who barely liked him any more, much less had any love to spare.
Lance watched his reflection move as he did in the mirror, at first he’d half expected it to stay put.
He moved slowly at first raising the knife still held in hand, distantly he could hear Shiro still talking but the words didn’t register. All that mattered was the knife in Lance’s grip and the sound of his shallow breath.
Lance examined the knife for a moment, watching the way it glinted in the artificial light of the training deck. He raised a finger to touch the blade, he barely touched it and when he pulled his finger away there was a bead of blood. Perfect, he thought distantly.
His thoughts came through like they deep underwater as Lance raised the blade higher, he could barely grasp them, couldn’t form a coherent thought. All he knew was the intent and the decision he’d somehow come to only seconds before.
Lance raised the knife to his throat.
“Oh my god! What are you doing?” Keith’s yell cut through Lance’s fog and he realized he had to do it quick.
Lance drew back the blade but before he could finish the cut the knife was wrestled out of his hands.
“No!” Lance yelled fighting back, but Keith almost always won when they sparred.
In Lance’s state, Keith got the upper hand quickly flinging the knife across the room where someone else immediately picked it up keeping it out of Lance’s reach.
“Why, Lance? Why?”
“Let me do it!” Lance screamed, “please Keith, please I just wanna die, let me do it.” He was sobbing now still trying to fight out of Keith’s grip. “It hurts, please it hurts!”
“I’m not letting you kill yourself!”
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know, I don’t.” He repeated helplessly. “I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Lance whispered the fight going out of him.
Realizing Lance wasn’t fighting anymore Keith shifted his grip from a firm hold to something warmer but just as tight. He pulled Lance closely in his arms whispering into his hair “I’ve got you, Lance, I’ve got you.”
“I’m losing it,” Lance choked out, and then realizing that must be completely obvious he let out a laugh which was half a sob “I didn’t think it’d be this bad, but I don’t know. I can’t remember anything, I forget weeks at a time, sometimes I don’t know my own name! Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I just die? It hurts it, it really hurts.” Lance said hysterically.
“Okay, okay, I hear you. We’re going to figure it out.”
“No, I figured it out. I’m going to die and I’m never going to see my mama again.”
Keith didn’t ask which was good since Lance was now crying so hard he couldn’t speak.
When Lance had calmed down enough for Keith to help him up, Keith insisted they go to the infirmary, Lance had only made a small cut before Keith had gotten the knife away but it was still bleeding steadily enough, causing blood to drip down his neck and stain his armor.
The rest of the team followed them silently, Hunk helped Keith lift Lance onto the table and at some point, Coran must have been informed of what had happened because he appeared, cleaning and stitching Lance’s neck with gentle hands.
No one spoke and Lance stared ahead numbly.
Once Coran had bandaged Lance’s neck he headed toward the cabinet. “I took all of the pain medicine,”
Coran stopped and turned back to him “all of it?”
“Yes,”
“Well, I guess I can give you a sedative, or you could go into a healing pod—“
“No, it’s fine. Pain is normal.”
“Why’d you take all of the pain medicine?” Keith spoke quietly.
Lance hesitated and then reached up to the latch on his shoulder. Keith tensed at Lance’s sudden move, watching him carefully as he undid his armor. He unattached the top half letting it fall to the floor with a clang which made Hunk (who’d been pretty much nonstop crying this entire time) jump. Lance tried to reach back to undo the zipper of his undersuit but he winced at the movement, Keith stepped up to help him, and finally, Lance pulled it off.
There were gasps as his arm was revealed.
“Pray to the gods,” Allura whispered in horror.
“What happened?” Shiro asked quietly, eyes flitting over Lance’s right side which had now almost been completely taken over by the quintessence.
“I…” Lance began, unsure of how to start “well… I might have accidentally touched some quintessence.”
“Oh my god, on the quintessence mission months ago?” Pidge asked, “you’ve had that all this time?”
“No,”
“What do you mean?” Shiro’s brow furrowed.
“It was before that,”
“Before that?” Allura said her voice shaking “how could you have possibly come into contact with it before?”
“It was an abandoned base, I was wandering around and I found it, I was going to bring it back but… the container shattered. It spilled on my hand.”
“What base?”
“I- I don’t know. It was a while ago, maybe six months? But I’m not sure, time is… hard for me. But I remember it was the first time we tested Pidge’s data retrieval device on that abandoned base.”
“Lance…” Pidge whispered, “that wasn’t six months ago, I tested the device the first time about a year and a half ago.”
“What,” Lance choked out tears welling up in his eyes again “oh fuck, it’s worse than I thought isn’t it? I-I’ve had a birthday since then and I didn’t even know it. I haven’t felt like me in a long time, I don’t… I’m not even going to remember most of the rest of my life.”
“No, you’re not going to die,” Keith said firmly, we can’t let that happen.
“I don’t think you have a say in that,” Lance said quietly.
“No, you don’t.” Allura said shakily “I already told you all before, there’s no cure.”