Work Text:
I live in a house with a tin roof and
Every time it rains I can feel my brain
Charlie wakes up in a familiar bed, hears his mother call him for pancakes. It’s rare that his family gets to eat together, but it’s the reaping today. The fear in the children’s eyes, just knowing they’ll be next-
He blinks. At least he gets a bath out of it, he supposes. Doesn’t make up for the, you know, child killing.
He lets that part of his brain turn off.
You have the charm, right Charlie? Don’t forget it, Charlie. Don’t forget us, Charlie. We won’t forget you.
He wakes with a start, clutching the medallion around his neck.
He was only 17.
It’s moving back and forth
Upside down, east, west
Feeling and remembering everything you do
Maybe if his friend group weren’t the last to the stands he wouldn’t have been picked.
Maybe if he worked harder he wouldn’t have been picked.
Maybe if one of his friends volunteered-
No. Absolutely Not.
He can’t believe how selfish he is. He used to be better, he used to be so nice. Life used to be so nice. Is this what living as a victor is? Steady deterioration?
I was up last night tossing and turning
Couldn’t get to sleep and I sleep through the morning
Need to clear my head and get out of the city
All alone in the jungle you'll find me
He can barely sleep, anymore. He doesn’t think any victor can, at least not consistently. He sees Schlatt and Cooper openly afflicted with it the most often, staring at walls or flinching at the smallest of noises. Ted and Noah seem to deal with it the best, but they’re all used to acting at this point.
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Charlie finally stumbles out of his room mid-afternoon to the rest of the floor eating a late lunch and playing some card game in the living room. Carson is the first to turn his head. Travis waves a hello before they all turn their heads back to the game. Charlie just... stands there, frozen. He can’t bring himself to interrupt their normalcy.
Maybe if you ate breakfast with them more often like a normal person, you'd be able to sleep.
You've had years to get over this. Time's up.
“Hey, you wanna join?”
Carson holds out a hand of seven small red cards with various numbers on them. An offering.
Charlie tries his best to smile.
“Yeah, but you might have to give me a hand with the rules.”
Ted groans. Charlie’s smile turns genuine.
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They play long into the night, Travis winning handily over the others. Kind of surprising, since the game involves math, mostly. As everyone else skitters away, Noah walks over to Charlie and gently puts a hand on his shoulder. “Time to go to bed, I suppose.” He says quietly. Supportively.
Charlie laughs. “I doubt I’ll be able to sleep with the new schedule I’ve acquired.”
“We’ve all been there.”
“Are you sure? Ted really doesn’t-”
Noah looks at him with a new intensity. “Trust me. He has.”
Charlie is stunned into silence for a few seconds. “Oh. Okay.”
Noah slaps him on the shoulder, then starts walking towards his room.
“Go to bed. We’ll see you tomorrow. Or the next day, take your time.”
“Of course.” Charlie whispers, feather-light. Scared to break the peace of the now-empty living room.
Close your eyes and hear my secret
Hear my secret, hear my secret
Charlie crawls into bed, stares at the ceiling, looks at the rain staining the small window. Imagines a tin roof there instead of silence. Imagines a loving mother to wake him tomorrow with pancakes; a treehouse with dice and friends, laughter. Unafraid of the future. Unafraid of anything.
Maybe someday this roof will cave in
You’ll find me on the floor looking at the stars
He wishes he could still hear the rain.
Close your eyes and hear my secret
Deep, deep loving, hear my secret
Hear my secret, hear my secret