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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,137
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- 26,698
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- 10,533
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- 1,510,201
Bookmarked by Auguvea
02 Sep 2025
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11 years since the Battle of Hogwarts. 12 years since he became the youngest Death Eater in History. Ten years since the Wizengamot had stripped him of his freedom, sentencing him to exile in Australia, Draco Malfoy returns to England determined to end his exile and bring his family home. In Australia, he’s built a quiet life as a respected Muggle doctor, a devoted husband, and a loving father to two young children.
When Harry Potter spots Draco at the Ministry with a child in tow, he’s stunned by the secret life Draco has been living. As a high-stakes Wizengamot hearing looms, long-buried truths resurface and past relationships are tested.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 126,871
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 2,613
- Kudos:
- 3,523
- Bookmarks:
- 1,274
- Hits:
- 120,985
Bookmarked by Auguvea
18 Aug 2025
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Summary
The owl appeared late at night and left just as suddenly, he recognised the handwriting immediately and ripped open the envelope.
She is yours.
If something happens to us, I want you to hide her. Name her Hermione, for she will have my last libation before I sleep and be the messenger of dreamers.
Moony and Mary know.Three words. Three words that forever changed the course of the war.
Series
- Part 1 of The Missing Sister
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 652,974
- Chapters:
- 75/75
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 4,310
- Kudos:
- 13,185
- Bookmarks:
- 5,160
- Hits:
- 1,144,479
Bookmarked by Auguvea
09 Aug 2025
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Why No One Will Miss Me by KittyBlush (juicyjub07)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Jul 2025
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Summary
The whole thing—the complete lack of care from anyone involved—is starting to really grind on Draco Malfoy.
So, after four days of Granger mysteriously failing to show up at work, Draco does what any morally ambiguous, mildly concerned coworker would do: he breaks into her office. After all, a witch like her doesn’t just vanish without leaving a color-coded memo detailing the reasons of her absence.
But what he finds is a hell of a lot messier than any of her labels.
**NOW COMPLETE***
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,362
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 633
- Kudos:
- 1,694
- Bookmarks:
- 546
- Hits:
- 38,314
Bookmarked by Auguvea
08 Aug 2025
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Summary
All she wanted was a jersey and a little revenge. Rated T for tubular. You've heard of porn without plot? Well, this is fluff without plot!
Translated into:
Indonesian by Niniraven22 https://archiveofourown.org/works/34407874/chapters/85626943
Russian by LunaMES https://ficbook.net/readfic/13114867- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 60,430
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 14
- Comments:
- 796
- Kudos:
- 7,666
- Bookmarks:
- 2,173
- Hits:
- 247,497
Bookmarked by Auguvea
03 Mar 2025