Valyra
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Summary
Astarion’s coming to your tent every night with honeyed nothings on his tongue. Trouble is, you’re starting to smell hints of bullshit. The closer y’all get, the further apart you feel. And then there’s the fucking brainworm cult.
These two losers must cheat, stab, and flirt their way to the heart of a cult. And to…whatever it is between them.
Series
- Part 3 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 184,354
- Chapters:
- 100/104
- Comments:
- 3,221
- Kudos:
- 2,898
- Bookmarks:
- 269
- Hits:
- 109,572
Bookmarked by Valyra
25 Dec 2024
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Summary
“Maybe what you really need is a friend, not a lover.”
Astarion’s eyes flutter with surprise. “I-I would like that. I’ve held more people than I can count. An infinite parade of lovers. But a friend?” He pauses on the question and his face becomes crestfallen. “I can’t think of a single one.”
He puts his hand out to Effy, to which she happily accepts.
“Until you,” he says with a smile that only she’s ever seen.
Ever since that moment the two remained friends and even got an apartment together in the lower city shortly after the defeat of the Netherbrain. It’s been several months and Effy is happily living with her vampire bestie but Astarion’s been acting different lately…
Series
- Part 1 of Something Else Entirely
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 255,087
- Chapters:
- 25/?
- Comments:
- 1,597
- Kudos:
- 1,263
- Bookmarks:
- 284
- Hits:
- 53,989
Bookmarked by Valyra
24 Jan 2024
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Summary
After tripping a mad wizard’s trap, Astarion—now blinded—must navigate the Underdark with Eleanor back to their crew. These two shitheads must cheat, stab, and flirt their way through flooded caves, monsters, and something hunting them in the dark. All while very confusing feelings begin to muddle up Astarion’s Very Simple plan.
Sequel to Feeding Alligators
Series
- Part 2 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 109,532
- Chapters:
- 43/43
- Comments:
- 1,704
- Kudos:
- 2,584
- Bookmarks:
- 297
- Hits:
- 66,315
Bookmarked by Valyra
06 Jul 2024
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Summary
Druidic Tav grew up in a nomadic clan that recorded their history through spoken word and song rather than written text. As such, she's illiterate, and one charming-ish vampire offers to help her with reading lessons and a whole lot more. Out of the goodness of his heart, of course.
Then one night, she unwittingly brings him smut for their lesson.
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"In the Embrace... of... the... Nig... Nig-het..."
"Night, sweet thing," Astarion says softly. "G beside H is silent."
"Right," Tav says, looking again. "So, In the Embrace of the Night... stalker."
"Try again."
Tav studies the letters. She spots her mistake. "Nightsucker."
Astarion nods.
She looks very pleased with herself, beaming at him. "Got it! What's the problem, again?"
The vampire closes his eyes and holds his hands in prayer position in front of his lips as if he's steeling himself. He opens his scarlet eyes and moves his hands away. "Shall I read you a page or two to start? Maybe then you'll understand."
Bookmarked by Valyra
10 May 2024
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It hits you right as he says, “No need to bleed by yourself, my love.”
Your jaw drops. You stare at him, in his words, all agog. “You… are you saying…?”
“Offering my companionship during your trying times? Yes, I believe I am. You smell delicious, Eleanor. I’ve been thinking about devouring you all day.”
No mistake as his gaze slides down to the extra padding beneath your trousers. Or the way his pupils eclipse the red irises.
Or: Aunt Flo comes to visit. Astarion is delighted to make her acquaintance.
Series
- Part 8 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by Valyra
08 May 2024