bonafide_asian_nerd
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pools of sorrow, waves of joy by bonafide_asian_nerd
Fandoms: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton, The Outsiders: The Musical - Jamestown Revival & Levine/Rapp, The Outsiders (1983)
09 Aug 2025
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It's been two months since his parents died, and Ponyboy Curtis is trying his best.
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i'm not fit for this by bonafide_asian_nerd
Fandoms: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
06 Sep 2021
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Maybe he pushed himself too hard. Maybe it had all finally caught up to him. Maybe he just wasn’t fit for this.
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As the Walls Come Tumbling Down by bonafide_asian_nerd
Fandoms: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
28 Mar 2021
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Honestly, the show had been going well. Given the absolute knots that his stomach had been in at the final call for places, the fact that he’d managed to not throw up onstage was chalked up as a win in his book. Sure, he hadn’t been perfect, but overall act 1 was going pretty smoothly.
Until it wasn’t.
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Five had been through his fair share of shit. Coping with said shit had always been quite the struggle.
TW: Self-Harm
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Do you ever really crash or even make a sound? by bonafide_asian_nerd
Fandoms: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
20 Apr 2019
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He was stupid. He wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t enough. Being himself wasn’t enough. Being gay wasn’t enough. It was wrong, it had to be wrong, since it was the reason he was alone and bullied. What he did wouldn’t be enough. Everything he did was wrong. He was not good enough, and he deserved to be alone.
Title from Dear Evan Hansen
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"You can’t be serious,” he says, but his voice lacks conviction, because everything about this situation suggests that the man is very serious.
Hands push him forward, downward toward the opening.
“Get the fuck in there,” the man says.
Shane resists for a second, instinct flaring. He turns around to give the man a piece of his mind, but the fucking gun is there, right in his face, and Shane is back to breathing manually again. The man is wearing a balaclava, worst of all, which means Shane could’ve looked at him at any point, have tried to escape at any point, and his fear about seeing the man’s face wouldn’t have mattered at all.
“Okay, okay,” He says breathlessly, and he turns around once more, looking appraisingly down at the crate. So he’d go in there. He’d be alright. He’d comply with the man with a gun, and everything would be fine. There probably wasn’t anything this man wanted that Shane couldn’t figure out.
_____________________________________________________________Ilya and Shane get into an argument, and Shane's kidnapped by a delusional fan, it's a really bad time.
Bookmarked by bonafide_asian_nerd
25 Apr 2026
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“Ilya,” Shane gasped out, like it hurt to form the word. With it came a small smattering of blood on his lip. A few extra hands were working alongside Ilya and Pike, but Ilya would not move. He had to stay, and listen, and be with Shane.
“Yes. Shaneya, I am here. What do you need to tell me?” More and more blood burbled up past Shane’s lips, which couldn’t be a good sign. How could more blood be trying to escape him? There were already two exit points, wasn’t that enough? Now he had to drown in it?
“Tell Ilya I’m sorry… I- I love him… So much. I’m sorry I left. Please. Please, I can’t die without him knowing…” Ilya couldn’t breathe behind the sob that tore out of him. He collapsed inward with the force of it. Shane was below him, begging to live so that he could tell Ilya he loved him. If anyone reacted to the two boys, Ilya didn’t notice. This whole thing could still be being live-streamed to ESPN, and Ilya wouldn’t care.
Or, Shane gets shot on the ice right after the Tuna Melt Gate. Ilya is there to save him.
Bookmarked by bonafide_asian_nerd
22 Apr 2026
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That Old Black Hole by begonias
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
28 Apr 2026
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Galina makes it a point to remind Ilya that people aren’t mind readers, and unfortunately, if there’s something wrong, he has to actually communicate this. He's aware of this. He is. Even though it's always been so much easier said than done, even on a good day.
But when the unthinkable happens, Shane ends up seriously injured, and Ilya can't bring himself to reckon with his role in it all, or how they'll move forward.
Now it's all the more impossible to communicate the weight of his guilt, the feelings of inadequacy, and the all-consuming fear that Shane might not survive.
Bookmarked by bonafide_asian_nerd
21 Apr 2026
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and when i got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face by godlightilya
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
24 Jan 2026
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He tried to stop. To turn the wheel. To avoid chaos. But all he could do was brace for impact as he lost control, darkness threatening to take over what was only just the most beautiful mixture of colour. And even as he felt himself losing consciousness, a searing pain in his abdomen, all he could think about - all he could see - was Ilya.
And then Ilya disappeared. Just like that. Shane tried to bring him back, but he couldn’t even do that for himself.
He lost everything. Lost himself. His chest felt like it was caving in. His lungs were burning.
Everything was fading. Just like Ilya had faded.
Everything went black.
OR Ilya calls Shane by his first name for the first time, and Shane freaks the fuck out, because everything is real now. He leaves, unable to process how he's feeling, and crashes, with only Ilya's face flashing before his eyes.
Series
Bookmarked by bonafide_asian_nerd
10 Apr 2026
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i’d tell them “put me back in it,” and i would do it again. by andmynewlymeltedheart
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
02 Apr 2026
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“Where is he…I need him…” Shane’s breathing becomes a little erratic, and Ilya tries to keep him calm.
“Who do you need? Who are you talking about? I will get him.”
“Where is my…my Ilya…I need him.”
The road blurs, and Ilya catches a sob in his throat. No part of him considered he might be talking about him, and his stomach drops. Why didn’t he run after him that day? Why didn’t he reassure him, make him feel safe? Ilya can’t say how, but he feels— no, he knows that this, right now, is his fault, and he hates himself for it.
Or; Shane gets mugged on the way back to his hotel from a team night in Boston, and he calls the one person he’s not supposed to.
Bookmarked by bonafide_asian_nerd
03 Apr 2026