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    “Alien…aphrodisiac.” James blinks and takes a few deep breaths, absorbing the information to scratch his head over later. Steve’s the priority now. “At least tell me he didn’t leap into the path of the alien whatever.”

    The Widow laughs. It’s half for show, James knows, but he thinks he can see genuine amusement in her cool green eyes. Steve’s better at reading her, but Steve’s apparently busy rubbing one out in the bathroom.

    “Not this time,” she says. “It’s not a weapon. One of the scientists grabbed the first thing they could in a panic. Steve was the only one in the room with them and got a faceful of blue dust. The effects took a couple of hours to show.”

    “And the scientist who used it?”

    “Was trying to fuck a wall, last I saw.”

    James grimaces.

    “It’s not very dignified,” the Widow adds, noting his expression. “Like I said, either the serum’s handling the worst of it or Steve’s real superpower is his moral compass.”

     

    -
    Steve gets sex-pollened. He handles it just fine, and then Bucky shows up.

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    12 May 2026

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    “You fucked him.”

    Bucky licks his lips and nods. Fury lets out a deep breath and leans back in his chair in a movement that’s terrifyingly controlled but spills danger out the edges.

    “Twenty years,” Fury says slowly, taking special care to imbue each word with his personal brand of bone-chilling judgement. It used to make Bucky quiver in his boots back when he was a baby S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. “In that time, I have asked, threatened, coaxed, and damn near begged this man to work for us, or at least with us, and what finally gets it done is your dick?”

    “Ass.”

    “Excuse me?”

    “Listen, I’m not saying any part of my anatomy is what persuaded Commander Rogers to agree to this, but hypothetically, if that’s what did it, let’s just say he would have found my ass far more persuasive than my dick.” Bucky pauses, secretly relishing the sour-lemon look on Fury’s face. “It still hurts, in case you’re wondering.”

     

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    Steve tries to seduce Bucky over to the dark side. But the Avengers are more grey than dark, and it’s still a paler shade of grey than what S.H.I.E.L.D’s got going nine times out of ten. Bucky really should be more concerned about the seduction part.

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    10 May 2026

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    Hot damn, is his first thought.

    Threat assessment follows close on its heels because Bucky’s a goddamn professional.

    Military, definitely. Male, built like a goddamn mountain. Bucky stares helplessly because shoulders that broad should be illegal. It’s the face that really fucks him up though. Hair as silver as the star on his chest, swept back from a face that’s all hard angles and deep lines. There’s a beard too, covering a jaw that looks strong enough to sit on, and its white is peppered with bits of dark blond, which should look ridiculous but doesn’t.

    “You seem to know my name,” Bucky says, plastering on a charming smile. “Only polite to return the favor.”

    “If you’re banking on politeness, you might be in the wrong business, son.”

    Jesus, Mary, and motherfucking Joseph. This is how wet dreams and porn clips should start, not a goddamn interrogation.

     

    Or,
    S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Bucky Barnes is captured on a mission and meets Commander Steve Rogers, the erstwhile Captain America.

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    10 May 2026

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    Thor’s laughing. “I mustn’t tease you so,” he decides.

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    08 May 2026

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    So, like, cool, Torres is on a three-man team with crushes on both his team-mates and now both his crushes are fucking slash probably in love, that's an absolutely feasible long-term situation. He can handle this, no sweat. No problem.

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    07 May 2026