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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    "You see that?"

    "yea," Ilya breathed, and he absolutely did see that. He'd been seeing that for months now, catching glimpses of Shane across campus, in the library, at the campus coffee shop where Shane always ordered the same thing; green tea. Ilya had maybe (definitely) developed what could only be described as a massive fucking crush, not that he'd admit it to anyone.

    "No one," Jake said, drawing out the words like he was making a dramatic announcement, "has ever bagged Hollander. Not once. The guy's basically allergic to giving anyone below his iq level a chance. But you—" he jabbed a finger into Ilya's chest, "—If anyone could do it, it's you."

    Ilya's alcohol-drawned brain was already latching onto the challenge before Jake even finished. "So what is the bet exactly?"

    "One month. You get Hollander to go out with you, really go out with you like proper dating and I'll give you a thousand bucks."

    It was the most idiotic idea he’s ever heard come out of Jake’s mouth (and that's saying a lot), so like any sane person; Ilya should just say no and move on with his life–

    "Deal."

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    26 Jan 2026

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    Ilya clocks it very quickly when Shane comes home from an additional practice, carrying himself awkwardly and holding his weight off of his right ankle. He watches without a word as Shane attempts to walk properly, fighting the wince in his face. He wants to ask if Shane thinks he’s that good of an actor, or if Ilya is that stupid he can’t pick up on a hidden injury.

    Or, Shane hides an injury. Ilya isn’t impressed.

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    26 Jan 2026

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    Review #4

    ⭐ (One Star) i am convinced the chef used to be a taxidermist because this chicken is drier than my grandma’s ashes.

    Owner’s Response: and yet you licked the plate clean, you absolute freak. i watched the CCTV. see you tomorrow for your usual, i guess?

    or: Ilya is always leaving shitty reviews wherever he eats until he meets his match in Shane.

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    25 Jan 2026

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    “Any special someone you’re planning to celebrate the win with?”

    Ilya takes a moment to think. “Ah, my dog, Anya. She is very special to me.” He pauses, then, “So is her pretty pet sitter.”

    Shane’s jaw drops.

    or, shane is anya's dog walker and occasional pet sitter. her owner, on the other hand, makes being professional extremely difficult.

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    25 Jan 2026

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    The first time, Ilya had assumed it was just an honest mistake. His name is unusual, after all, and hard for poor Canadians to pronounce. Lily is far from the worst mishearing he’s gotten. But then—

    “Large latte for Eliah!”

    “A large latte for… Ilse?”

    “Ignatius? Latte for Ignatius?”

    It is getting increasingly difficult to chalk these up as mistakes.

    or: the ”i keep mispronouncing your name to ridiculous levels because I have been writing my number on your cup for days”-au

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    25 Jan 2026