Work Text:
Zuhr
On his first day interning in the forensic anthropology lab at the Jeffersonian Institute, Arastoo rolled out his prayer rug smack-dab in the middle of the busy work space. He took his position, raised his hands and thought, "Are you there, God? It's me, Arastoo."
God replied, Surprise, surprise.
"Go easy on me," Arastoo thought. "It's my first day at work."
And clearly, said God, you're trying to make an impression.
Arastoo incorporated a shrug into his kneel. It wasn't easy.
You might recall, said God, I’m not impressed with people who worship in public to show off their piety.
“That’s not what this is about.”
Oh?
“I’m just…sick of praying in dinky little broom cupboards so other people don’t feel uncomfortable.”
And praying in the middle of a busy room makes you feel better?
“It was supposed to…”
…but he could feel a dozen eyes on him, watching his prostrations instead of sifting though bone fragments, staring at him as if he were a circus clown at a state funeral.
“I guess I was thinking,” Arastoo finally said, “that if I start with the big dramatic religious gestures on the first day, they’ll get over their shock quickly and not ask annoying questions the rest of my time here.”
That’s certainly an interesting approach.
“Is it a good one?”
Why don’t we wait and see?
Asr
“Hey, God! It’s me again”
Welcome back. Alienated any coworkers yet?
“That’s not very funny.”
Actually, from up here it looks hilarious.
“Dr. Brennan hates me already! She even told Dr. Saroyan that she didn’t think she can work with me. And Dr. Hodgins stares at me all the time. And Ms. Montenegro thinks I’m some kind of homophobe. Only Dr. Saroyan seemed to like me, but then I tried to make funny noises to break the tension and now she thinks I’m crazy! It’s the worst first day of work ever!”
I wouldn’t say that. Some of my prophets got stoned on their first days on the job. And not the fun kind of stoned either.
“You’re not helping.”
Sorry.
“So that’s why I’m praying in the broom cupboard now. It’s actually surprisingly peaceful in here.”
Yes, the Pine-Sol scent adds a certain ambience. Now, will you tell me what that accent is all about?
“Heh. You noticed it, huh?”
You sound like you’re from Jordon instead of East Tampa.
“The other students in my department pester me with these annoying questions about how I can believe in you and still be a scientist. I wondered if people would ask the same questions if they thought I was a recent immigrant.”
And now that you’re spending time in a new workplace…
“…I thought I’d run a social experiment and find out.”
What did you learn?
“I learned that Dr. Brennan assumes I’m homophobic and incompetent, and that Dr. Saroyan is hoping I don’t sue.”
She’s actually praying that you don’t sue.
“It seems we keep you pretty busy up there.”
The work has its moments.
Maghrib
“Hey, God! Guess what?”
Oh, do tell.
“Angela likes me now! And she says I can pray in her office until I find a permanent spot.”
So you’re winning the hearts and minds of the American people by passing out mixtapes?
“I didn’t want to see her sad, that’s all. She gave me the friendliest welcome this morning and then she looked like she wanted to cry. I had to do something.”
So you gave her mopey indie music?
“Those songs were a huge comfort when Sara dumped me!”
True. That was actually a very nice gesture on your part, especially after your unpleasant morning.
“It’s gotten better. There was a tense moment when Dr. Saroyan told me to stop hovering and go pray or something, but she apologized and we got to bond over post-mortem plastic surgery.”
And yet you persist with that fake fresh-off-the-boat accent.
“I was hoping I could gradually let it fade without being obvious, but I think I might be stuck with it.”
Perhaps your future social experiments will benefit from additional planning.
“You make an excellent point.”
It comes with the omniscience.
Isha
“Hey, God. It’s good to be home.”
You sound tired.
“It’s been a long day. And I think I made a faux pas.”
Another one?
“Oh, let up. I stuck my foot in departmental politics by helping Dr. Saroyan find the cause of death before Dr. Brennan.”
You also helped solve a crime and brought justice to the victim of a murder. I think that’s more significant.
“Oh. Huh. I didn’t think of it that way.”
And just between us, Dr. Brennan was not unimpressed by your work.
“Yeah? Even though she thinks I’m foolish for believing in you?”
She has her reasons for being skeptical about me. I imagine she’ll come to see that your beliefs aren’t a threat to her.
“You know, even though she snarks about my religion, she takes the trouble to pronounce my name perfectly.”
What does that tell you?
“That even though she doesn’t like my beliefs, she respects my culture. I guess she’s not a garden variety bigot then.”
Very perceptive. I think you and Brennan and the rest of the staff will get along just fine.
“So they won’t ask me stupid questions about my beliefs?”
I never said that.
Fajr
“Hullo, G…”
Not quite awake yet?
“Whose bright idea was the 5 a.m. prayer anyway?”
The coffee industry made contributions to my campaign funds.
“Really?”
No.
“...”
Arastoo? Where is your irrepressible spirit?
“Dreading the paperwork I’ll spend the day on while the FBI takes over the investigation.”
You can bond with your coworkers over how much you hate triplicate forms.
“We have Xerox machines. But bonding sounds good. Maybe I’ll bring muffins for everyone.”
Get those little macarons too. I like those.
“God, you are very weird. But I’ll get the macarons.”
I love you too, Arastoo.
"Remember for just one minute of the day, it would be best to try looking upon yourself more as God does, for She knows your true royal nature." ~ Hafiz