Chapter Text
Magnus was furious.
Alec could see it in the tense line of his shoulders, in the way he was gripping the kitchen counter, knuckles white with the effort. He tried to speak but his mouth tightened as if he was afraid he might say something he would regret later. He had been silent ever since.
“Magnus, I’m sorry. Please talk to me.” Alec was afraid to make things worse but anything would be better than the deafening silence, the raw fury.
“I could have lost you, Alexander. I need – I can’t deal with it right now. A shower perhaps. Rest assured, we will have this conversation later.” He straightened up, releasing his grip on the counter and strode toward the bathroom without a single glance back.
After a few minutes Alec could hear the sound of the water hitting the tiles. Alec could use a shower himself. Magnus had used magic to clean him up and he had changed in fresh clothes but nothing could beat a hot shower. Possibly with his boyfriend. Magnus had made clear he needed some space though, and Alec respected him too much to deny him that.
Unsure about what to do with himself, he slid down on the floor, back on the wall, knees drawn to his chest, thinking about the events that had led to the current predicament.
**
It was supposed to be a routine mission, your run-of-the-mill demons. They had underestimated the number of demons waiting for them in the abandoned warehouse and things had escalated pretty quickly. His first mistake had been not calling for backup, thinking that they, that he could handle the demons. The second mistake, and what had Magnus in a fit, was letting panic override his training, cloud his judgement and jumping in front of a claw meant for Jace when one of his arrows, already nocked and ready to fly, would have done the trick just the same.
The last thing he remembered before darkness took him was a searing pain in his chest, the thought of soft golden eyes and a dazzling smile making it sharper. He had woken up several hours later to the blinding white light of the Institute infirmary, with a faint headache and low voices in the background. He had blinked his eyes open to a small crowd.
Izzy and Jace were leaning against one of the empty beds, pale and silent, identical expressions of worry on their faces. Simon and Clary were by the window, talking in hushed voices. Magnus - oh God, Magnus- was sitting on a chair by his bed and he looked wrecked. Eyes closed, pain and worry etched deeply in the lines of his face, smudged make up and dark stains under his eyes, eyeliner and tears leaving a trail down his cheeks. Alec’s chest had hurt all over again at the sight.
“That bad, uh?” In hindsight it hadn’t been the smartest thing to say but his brain was still a little foggy and he had been trying for some levity.
Magus’ eyes had snapped open and Alec’s chest had tightened at the sheer relief he could see in the brown glamoured eyes. There was a moment of stunned silence before several voices had assaulted him at once. Alec had listened, taking in the fact that it had been touch and go for a while, taking comfort in the warmth of Magnus’ hand holding his own in a vice-like grip. In the way Magnus was looking at him, gaze raking over his body as if to make sure Alec was really there and he wouldn’t disappear if he as much as blinked.
Magnus had looked exhausted and Alec had realized with some guilt that he had been the one responsible for his recovery, probably draining himself in the process of healing his injuries.
Alec had listened absentmindedly to the scolding voices of his siblings, the soft cheers of his friends, only one voice missing.
Magnus hadn’t said a single word.
After reassuring the overzealous group that, yes he was fine, no he didn’t have any lingering pain, and after submitting to his sister’s fussing he finally, finally, had been cleared to go home with Magnus, with the order not to show his face at the Institute for the next day.
**
And that brought him here, sitting on the floor, thinking about everything that could have gone wrong.
By the time the water stopped running, Alec had managed to work himself in a frenzy. Guilt twisted painfully his insides and he felt the prick of tears behind his closed eyelids. What if Magnus decided that Alec wasn’t worth all the grief, after all? What if Magnus realized that he was too much trouble?
The rational part of his mind acknowledged that Magnus loved him and there was no way he would leave him over something like this. But the guilt kept overriding logic and he couldn’t think straight.
Magnus had never walked away from an argument before. He was the one insisting on immediate communication, adamant about talking things out before they festered and were blown out of proportion.
We never should go to bed angry, darling.
Then again, he had never looked so angry before, so distraught.
Alec couldn’t tell how much time had passed when he heard soft steps on the carpet. Bracing himself, he raised up his head to look at Magnus. He was wearing a purple robe, damp hair falling over his forehead, face devoid of any makeup. Alec thought he had never looked so vulnerable.
Some of the tension seemed to have bleed from his shoulders but there was that heavy set of his mouth, some lingering lines around his eyes. Alec wanted nothing more than smoothing them out and chase the pain away. The thought that he was the one responsible for putting that look on his boyfriend’s face made his heart ache. He couldn’t help the small sound of distress in the back of his throat. Magnus looked down at that, and he must have seen something in Alec’s eyes because his face softened a little and he gestured to the couch with a small flourish of his hand.
Alec scrambled to his feet and sat down on the couch, watching Magnus walking past him, toward the small bar with measured steps. How Magnus could be so graceful in every situation, baffled Alec to no end. He was feeling awkwardly self-conscious.
“Would you like a drink, Alexander?” Magnus' voice was still clipped but that had to count as a peace offering, right?
“Please.” Alec’s tongue felt like it was too big for his mouth.
For several moments Magnus busied himself fixing their drinks, his back to Alec, working in silent concentration. Alec noticed he wasn’t using his magic and the guilt surged up again in his gut. Once the drinks were ready, Magnus brought them over and placed them on the small coffee table. Then he sank slowly on the couch, on the farther end from Alec, like a puppet with cut strings.
The silence stretched uncomfortably, both of them sipping their cocktails, until Alec felt like he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Magnus, I – Please say something." if Alec hadn’t been desperate to get Magnus’ attention, he would have been ashamed of the way his voice trembled, how it broke on the last word.
“Alexander...” The pain in Magnus’ voice hit him like a punch.
“I’m sorry, I-“ Further words escaped him.
“I know.” Magnus' voice was softer now.
“I don’t know what I was thinking- No wait, I wasn’t thinking, I-”
“And that’s exactly the problem Alec! You didn’t think.” Anger tinged Magnus’s voice again as he interrupted Alec’s rambling. “You didn’t think and that got you almost killed,” he said, voice sharp like a whip, face clouded. “If something had happened to you…” he trailed off and shut his eyes tight as if just thinking about it was unbearable.
“But nothing happened Magnus. I’m here, you healed me. Besides, I’d be offended if a flock of Ravener demons were the end of me,” he joked. A snort. Then on a more serious tone, “I’m sorry, Magnus. I was reckless. I promise it won’t happen again.” a pause. “The thought of leaving you, hurt me more than the wound on my chest did, Magnus. Your eyes were the last thing I saw before passing out.”
Magnus went still, eyes bright. A hint of a smile, just a small lift of the corner of his lips. After a few long seconds he slowly opened his arms. “Come here.” his voice was rough, an invitation, a promise of forgiveness.
Relief flooded Alec and he all but threw himself in his boyfriend's arms. That was what he had been missing since waking up in the infirmary bed. The warmth of Magnus’ embrace, the haven of his strong arms wrapped all around him, making him feel safe and protected every time. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, content, basking in each other’s presence, in each other’s love. They moved just enough to bring their mouths together. What started as a soft, tender kiss soon became fierce, desperate, all tongue and teeth, both of them putting what had been left unsaid into it. I love you. I know. Please don’t leave me. I won’t.
Magnus was the first to pull away, fingers still running over Alec’s scalp in small, soothing motions. “You know, I wish I could make you understand how much you are worth. To me. To everyone else,” He whispered. “That recklessness of yours will be the death of me. It frustrates me to no end. Sometimes I wish I could just spank it out of you.” A hint of a joke.
Alec froze.
Blood rushed to his head at the thought of Magnus disciplining him like a wayward child, over his knees or bent over the bed, over one armrest of the couch. The thought of giving up his tight control to the other man, of being held accountable for his actions in such a fashion should have been horrifying. And yet, it was – it was appealing. Almost liberating. Impossibly arousing.
As soon as he caught up with his line of thought, Alec blushed a deep red. “You – You wouldn’t-“ A hint of panic must have showed on his voice because Magnus’ arms were wrapped again around him and his voice was soft when he answered.
“Oh, darling.” and there it was. Alec hadn’t realized how much he had missed the endearment until it slipped from Magnus’ lips. He melted into the embrace. “You know I would never hurt you.”
And Alec knew, there was nothing he was more certain of. “I know. I trust you, Magnus.” And he did. Sometimes the amount of trust he put on Magnus worried him, but he knew Magnus would never break that hard-earned trust. Not ever.
But this was different. Alec wanted this, he realized with a jolt. It should have scared him, the intensity of his desire for something he hadn’t even known he wanted until a few minutes before. But this was Magnus, sweet, caring Magnus and Alec knew he wouldn’t have trusted anyone else with something like this.
But knowing he wanted it and voicing it were two different things. He had never been good with words and this was beyond embarrassing, so Alec did the one thing he was good at. He filed it in the little box in his mind, the one with “Impossible Wishes” written in bold lettering over it. But then, he had always thought he would never be able to be with a man and Magnus had proved him wrong. He had been able to force the little box open, fulfilling one of his greatest wishes: being himself. So maybe-
Magnus interrupted his thoughts by untangling himself from Alec, getting up and offering his hand to Alec in an inviting gesture. “I think a shower is in order for you. And then bed.”
“That sounds great.” And just like that they were heading together toward the shower, holding hands, giggling when Chairman Meow decided to make his presence known by stepping over their feet, almost making them trip over him. Hearing Magnus laugh, giggle, after the emotional rollercoaster they had been through made Alec’s heart soar.
**
Alec was sprawled on the bed, naked, hard cock jutting between his legs, waiting for his boyfriend to join him. Magnus had helped him with the shower, never leaving his side, washing him with tender hands, drying him with soft touches. After that he had all but ordered him to the bed and Alec had never been happier to obey an order in all his life.
Magnus joined him a few minutes later, taking in the sight, eyes darkening with desire. “I have to admit this wasn’t what I had in mind when I sent you to bed, darling.” Alec tried to protest but Magnus beat him to it. “I thought you were exhausted, Alec. But I’m not complaining," he said, winking. "Who am I to turn down a gorgeous, horny Nephilim?”
Alec made to get up, a soft snort of laughter escaping his lips at the statement but Magnus wouldn’t have any of it. “Please, let me take care of you, Alexander.”
And Alec understood. He leaned back on the pillows and smiled at him in acquiescence.
After that it was lingering touches, heated kisses trailing a line of fire over his body, golden skin sliding on his own, hot mouth on his aching cock, nimble lubed fingers stretching him until he was half crazy with lust and begging for more. The drag of hard flesh inside his walls, prying him open, filling him at first with slow, shallow strokes, and then almost pounding him to the mattress. Low moans, arched backs, mind-blowing releases, whispered words. I love you. I love you too.
And if Alec enjoyed letting himself go and giving up control a little too much, nobody could fault him for that.
He was about to fall asleep, spent, curled up on Magnus’ side, Magnus' fingers carding lazily through his hair, when he was hit with a sudden thought.
I wouldn’t mind if Magnus took over.