Work Text:
1)
It was the loud ringing of an alarm clock that rouse Namjoon from his sweet slumber. Tae was already awake, albeit not by his free will by the way he was lying sprawled on the floor.
Namjoon groaned and pulled his duvet over his head, only for it to be pulled away seconds later.
"Morning!" Said an abnormally chipper voice.
"Why are you like this, Jin-hyung?" Namjoon mumbled.
"We have a fan-meet today," Jimin called from where he was pulling Tae to the kitchen. "Can't be late."
"Oh, right," Namjoon mumbled, remembering. It was lovely to see the fans, but they had to wake up so early...
Namjoon stumbled out of bed under the watch of Jin (to make sure he didn't fall straight back to sleep) and made his way to the kitchen, where five zombie members greeted him.
Tae was practically asleep in his bowl, and Yoongi was actually asleep on Jungkook's shoulder.
Namjoon stumbled into the kitchen and knocked over his chair before he actually sat down, successfully waking Yoongi and earning himself two death stares.
"Yah, you're so clumsy!" Yell-whispered Jungkook, who now had to sit next to a grumpy Yoongi.
"S-sorry," Namjoon stuttered, too afraid to reach for a bowl in case he woke Tae, so settling on a single apple.
"Let's just hurry and eat so we're not late," said Jimin.
***
The fan-meet was well underway and Namjoon's cheeks ached from smiling.
He had just finished signing a photo for a fan and was unclipping the cat ears from his hair when the next fan arrived. Namjoon got ready to smile and reached his hands out across the table, only for the fan to sweep straight past him and go to Taehyung.
Namjoon was taken aback. Of course people had their favourites, but did people not think about how rude they seemed by skipping a member?
Namjoon tried not to let it get to him, but by the fifth fan ignoring him, he just wanted to go home and curl up in bed.
A fan approached and Namjoon switched his smile back on.
"Hello," she said. Was it just him or did she sound a little stiff? He was probably just projecting.
"Hi!" Namjoon said happily. The fan looked around for a moment before handing him a piece of folded A5 paper and moving on to Tae. Confused, Namjoon placed it in his pocket and tried not to wonder as the fan-meet continued.
***
They were home at last, tired and ready to sleep. Namjoon had gone the rest of the day acutely aware of the paper in his pocket, resisting the temptation to read it, lest the others want to read it too.
Now he was home, however, he made his way to his and Tae's room and opened it.
Rap Monster,
With all due respect, why are you even in BTS? You bring nothing to the group. Yoongi and Hobi can rap amazingly without you, you can't sing, you can't dance, you have no special trait like the others.
You don't even have the looks to contribute. You may as well just leave already. The others would easily appoint a new leader. They'd barely miss you.
Namjoon looked at the letter in shock, reading and rereading the hateful words. A lone tear slipped down his cheek but he blamed it on the sleepiness and left it at that. He wouldn't let it get to him. He wouldn't.
He folded the latter and tucked it away, putting a smile on his face and joining the others in the living room.
They didn't need to know.
2.
Dance practice was gruelling. It went on for hours until every muscle in their bodies ached and someone was covered in bruises.
Today that someone was probably going to be Namjoon.
They had been practicing the Fire routine for hours, and Namjoon just couldn't get it.
"Stop!" Yelled their instructor. "Namjoon, what is wrong with your dancing today? Work harder! From the top!"
Namjoon beat down the urge to cry from frustration as he got back into position. The other members rolled their eyes and grumbled.
"We've gone over this 100 times already," sighed Jungkook quietly.
Namjoon tried to tune them out, one thing repeating over and over in his mind. You bring nothing to the group.
They started the routine again, and had just reached the chorus when Namjoon slipped. His ankle gave way and his whole body collapsed, crashing into Jin in the way. The music stopped.
"You okay?" Jimin asked, looking worried.
"Fine," Namjoon answered, standing up. Can't even get through the routine without getting hurt and hurting somebody else. I really am worthless...
Namjoon's mind came to a standstill. Had he really just thought that?
"That's it for today," their instructor sighed.
Namjoon almost cheered and went to leave before their instructor spoke again.
"Namjoon, please stay behind for a moment," he said.
Namjoon's breath hitched and he turned around.
"Of course."
The others filed out, and the instructor didn't speak until the door clicked shut.
"What was up with you today? Have you practiced the routine at all?"
Namjoon opened his mouth to answer but was spoken over. Apparently, that was a rhetorical question.
"You need to work harder or you'll drag the whole group down with you."
Or you'll drag the whole group down with you.
***
Namjoon trudged into their dorm, late. Jin and Yoongi were sat on the sofa, and they looked up as he entered.
"Alright?" Yoongi asked. "What did Instructor-ssi want?"
"Just wanted to know what was up with me today," Namjoon said through gritted teeth. "It's all good."
It wasn't lying. Lying by omission, perhaps, but not full on lying.
"What was up with you today?" A voice said from behind him. Jungkook was leaning against the door frame.
"Nothing. I'm just a bit tired. Sorry I dragged you guys down," he said, plastering a smile in his face. "I'm going to go shower."
He missed their worried looks at his words.
3)
It was a dorm rule (enforced by Jin) that every member ate breakfast.
Generally, one or two members would fall asleep eating and Namjoon would accidentally wake them while getting food, earning himself death stares.
Namjoon didn't think he could handle it today. He stood nervously outside the kitchen, bracing himself to enter.
He opened the door and quietly walked over to the table, careful not to knock his chair over. Jungkook and Jimin were asleep, with Jin not looking far behind.
Nervously, Namjoon reached across the table for an apple (he had stopped eating cereal, he always managed to wake a member up. He needed to lose weight anyway.) and unceremoniously knocked over a glass.
The good news: it was empty.
The bad news: it shattered all over the floor, successfully waking Jin, Jimin and Jungkook.
Namjoon closed his eyes. Put the apple back. He shouldn't eat breakfast anyway. "I'll clean that up," he said, getting up.
Once the others had cleared out of the kitchen, Namjoon set to work clearing up the glass. It nicked his fingers a few times, drawing blood, but eventually he floor was clear.
Namjoon stuck the bleeding fingers in his mouth. He wouldn't make the other members late. He'd deal with it.
They probably wouldn't care anyway.
4)
Being the leader was hard work. Every time something went wrong it was Namjoon that was called to deal with it. The pressure was almost crushing to keep his group at their best.
Who am I to lead this group? The only thing I'm good for in this position is taking all the stress from the other members.
He handed out schedules and stayed behind late for last minute comeback work.
It was 2am by Namjoon stumbled into the dorm. The lights were off and it was silent. A single plate of dinner lay on the table wrapped in cling film. Namjoon bypassed it and went to his and Tae's room.
The room seemed colder than usual. Quieter. It took a moment for Namjoon to realise that Tae's bed was empty.
Namjoon frowned. He fought against the impulse to fall into bed and sleep for a year and left the room in search for Tae. He couldn't sleep without knowing he was okay.
He slowly opened the door to Jin and Yoongi's room and recoiled at the sight. Every member was cuddled up together. They looked perfect, like a family. There was no room for him. Forlorn, he made his way back to his empty room.
Namjoon lay in bed for a while, tears dripping down his cheeks.
They didn't need him.
The pain in his chest spread, nothing physical but a mental sadness impressing itself into him. A sob escaped his mouth and a waterfall of others followed. He slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle them. While he would have comforted another member in an instant, he wasn't sure if they would be willing to if he woke them up at 2am with a schedule beginning at 5:30.
He hiccuped and wiped the tears as he curled up into a ball and tried to sleep.
***
Jungkook awoke with a start. It took a few minutes for him to realise why. Soft sobs were drifting through the wall. Confused, Jungkook did a headcount. Namjoon was missing.
He nervously sat up, unsure of what to do. Jimin stirred next to him.
"Kookie?" He asked.
"I think Namjoon-hyung is crying," Jungkook whispered.
Jimin sat up and listened, his face growing worried as the sobs tapered off. He stood up and Jungkook followed.
They entered Namjoon's room quietly. Namjoon was curled up in a ball on his bed, tear tracks marring his face.
"Oh, no," Jimin whispered.
Jungkook stood beside the bed for a moment, as if debating something. Then, slowly, he climbed into bed with Namjoon and put and arm around him, cuddling close. Jimin stared for a moment before following his lead.
"Goodnight, hyung" Jimin whispered before kissing him on the cheek.
***
When Namjoon awoke, it was to two bodies next to him that definitely were not there before. Jungkook and Jimin were cuddled either side of him.
Namjoon panicked. They had heard him crying.
His moving woke them.
"Hyung?" Jungkook mumbled sleepily.
Namjoon smiled weakly. "Hi Jungkook. What are you doing here?"
Jungkook rolled on top of Namjoon and yawned. "Could hear you crying. Me and Jimin came to comfort you," he replied.
Jimin shifted on Namjoon's other side. "Why were you crying, Joonie-hyung?" He whispered.
"I was just overtired and stressed, Jiminie," Namjoon lied. "I'm fine, really."
He didn't want to bother them, after all.
***
5)
Namjoon knew he wasn't the best singer, he was a rapper after all. But he didn't think he was that bad.
"You just had to overpower Joonie, didn't you Jiminie," Hoseok teased as they exited the camera range of the show.
"I don't mean to!" Jimin defended as they entered backstage.
"Don't worry," Taehyung said as he patted Jimin on the back, "you were just trying to improve it." He laughed.
Namjoon smiled sadly. "I don't think I was that bad," he said quietly.
Jin laughed. "Of course not!"
Namjoon's smile slipped and he fell behind so none of them would notice. Was his singing really that bad? He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the turn in conversation.
"I like Namjoon-hyung's voice," said Jimin happily. "He can sing me to sleep any day."
***
+ 1
Namjoon entered the dorm after being yelled at after practice for not trying hard enough. Tears formed in his eyes and he blinked harshly to send them away.
He stumbled into the dorm, hitting his elbow harshly in the door. He winced and closed the door slowly. He walked into the living room, expecting it to be deserted.
The other six members were sprawled out over the sofas, the tv showing some film that no one was really paying attention to. Yoongi was staring at a piece of paper in his hands, not even reading it.
Namjoon shuffled into the room. "Uh, is everything alright?" He asked.
The others turned to look at him and Jin immediately got up and suffocated him in a hug.
"What's going on?" Namjoon asked.
Yoongi finally tore his eyes from the paper and stood up. "Do you really believe these things?" He whispered, voice croaky. His face was marred with dried tear tracks.
Namjoon froze as Yoongi held the paper out.
Rap Monster,
With all due respect-
That was all Namjoon needed to read before the paper fluttered to the floor. "I-no?" He said, more so a question than an answer.
"Please, Joonie," Jin whispered. "We're worried about you. We love you."
That was all it took for the tears to escape Namjoon's eyes. He collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Alarmed, Jungkook grabbed him.
"Hey, it's okay," he muttered into his ear.
"I didn't believe it at first, but everything has built up, being yelled at during practice, dragging you guys down. I came back late and you were all cuddling, there was no room for me-"
"So that's why you were crying," Jimin said sadly.
"-and I know I can't sing but I didn't realise I was so bad..."
He hiccuped and his sobs tapered off.
"You could never drag us down, baby," Jim said softly.
"And we're not better off without you," Hoseok said firmly. "We love you."
Namjoon sighed and cuddled up to his members.
"And as for your singing, didn't you hear what I said?" Jimin asked.
Namjoon shook his head mutely.
"I said I like your voice and you can sing me to sleep any time."
Namjoon smiled and clung onto Jimin.
"We know you won't fix your self-esteem in one night," Hoseok began, "but if you let us help it can happen." He pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Let's all cuddle in Jin and Yoongi's room!" Jungkook said as he pulled Namjoon up.
Smiling, he let himself get dragged into a cuddle pile.
His members loved him, and he wasn't going to be allowed to forget that.