Work Text:
SEPTEMBER 6
THE BEGINNING
Photography is kind of Felix’s… thing.
He’s been doing photography since he was younger, first picking up his dad’s camera at the age of 11. He got his first camera when he was 13, a cheap thing with the shutter button fallen off and the flash not completely working, but he loved it nonetheless. He took every photography course available in his intermediate and high schools, taking separate courses outside of school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Senior year brings to him one more photography course in school. It’s the single course he hasn’t taken, simply because he didn’t have time to before. That’s a lie. He hasn’t taken it because he’s heard that the projects you have to complete are a little… out there, for two reasons; one, students never know what assignment the professor will give you (he’s known for being a little eccentric about the assignments), and two, the projects usually require some type of interaction with strangers in public, or socialization in general.
Felix has a friend who took the course last year, and says his very first assignment of the class was to take a series of photos of people who looked alike on the street. (What the hell kind of an assignment was that?)
And Felix, despite being loving and a little excitable at times, hates talking to strangers. He hates ordering at restaurants or talking to his parents’ friends or paying at a shop. He doesn’t approach people to make friends, he just waits for people to talk to him. It’s a way of living, he tells himself.
So when his ass is seated firmly in a chair in the back of the classroom for “Street Photography V”, as so clearly stated on the whiteboard in neat and crisp Hangul, Felix feels a pit of anxiety in the bottom of his stomach.
The door swings open. A tall man with dimples wearing a navy blue sweater enters, dark hair brushing his eyebrows, a black iced coffee clutched in his hand. He smiles at the classroom, before tilting his head back to look to the clock on the wall which is, and has been, three minutes late since early 2014. “Ah,” He says, striding to the front of the room. “Only four minutes late. New record.” He sets his coffee down on his desk and claps his hands, startling Felix and the rest of the class, who all stare at him in bewildered wonderment. “I’m Professor Kim, nice to meet all of you! Welcome to street photography five, one of the more challenging photography courses on offer here.”
His eyes scan the room. “I’m not one to really give lectures and such, I prefer for people to experiment with the camera and work with capturing images. So,” He turns his back to the class, rummaging through his small briefcase. Felix swallows. “I will be assigning your first project tomorrow!” The class lets out a collective half-groan, not wanting to really get on the Professor’s bad side on the first day of class. “For today, why don’t we talk a little bit about what we’ll do in this course?”
SEPTEMBER 9
A SLIP OF THE TONGUE
‘I’m fuckin’ nervous,” Felix complains, dragging one hand down his face. He’s laying on his back on Hyunjin’s bed, his legs hanging off the side. It’s dark out, Saturdays allowing Felix to sleep over at his friends’ houses without having to worry about his mother nagging him and saying he has work to do. Hyunjin and Seungmin sit on the floor, the latter sprawled out with his back against the bed, his phone in his hands.
Hyunjin is sat at his desk, one knee pulled up to his chest. He hums. “Professor Kim is nice, though. I took that course already, remember?”
“Yeah, but you’re sociable,” Felix says, lifting his head to look up at the other boy. “And also approachable. And attractive. And talented. Whatever.” He groans and lets his head fall back again. “I’ll just die.”
“That’s dumb,” Seungmin pipes up. “Just take the fuckin’ course, do the fuckin’ work, et cetera, et cetera, get a good grade, pass, graduate. Simple.”
Felix and Hyunjin blink at each other, and then at Seungmin, who looks at his phone undisturbed. Felix laughs a little disbelievingly. “I don’t think… I don’t think I have ever heard you curse so many times in one sentence.”
“Shut up,” Seungmin mumbles, glaring at Hyunjin over the top of his phone. “I’m just irritable right now, okay.”
Felix glances at him questioningly, and then at Hyunjin, who sighs. “His mom is on his ass again about his grades. Might not graduate at this rate.”
“I’m really doing my best,” Seungmin says. He drops his phone and groans into his hands.
The three of them are silent for a bit, a comfortable atmosphere settling over them. Felix leans back onto the bed again, thinking about the course. Is it really worth it to take the class and risk his well-being? Of course it is, but Felix can be selfish.
The smell of food wafts up from through the door and Hyunjin sighs happily. “I think mom’s making dinner.” He says, inhaling. The three of them breathe in deeply, smiles washing over their faces, the thoughts of grades and classes forgotten for the time being.
Seungmin sighs and glances at his phone before locking it and tossing it away. “It’s funny how food will make boys forget about anything.” He says, chuckling a little. “I’d honestly do anything for a nice big bowl of ramyeon.”
“Yeah, food and chicks.” Hyunjin says. Seungmin hums in agreement.
Felix bites his lip a little. He had been out when he was in Australia, where people had been generally accepting, but this- Korea is different. He moved here a year ago, finding his footing slowly and working on his Korean, scared to talk to people and scared to explore. He had resented his parents when they decided to move, but as time went on and he met more people in Korea, he became happy with the way he lived, all except for one thing. The fact that he can’t be open where he lives now is hard- pretending he’s something else when he really prefers a dick over tits.
“Felix?” Hyunjin says, a strange smile on his face. Felix lifts his head up to look at him. “You okay?”
Felix is silent, and looks at Hyunjin a little bit longer. The room is still. Seungmin glances between the two of them, and Felix opens his mouth. “I’m… I’m not straight.”
He says it in English, not knowing the word for it in Korean. “What?” Hyunjin says in Korean this time. “I don’t speak English, dude.”
Seungmin stares at Felix, slow realization dripping over his features. Seungmin is semi-fluent in English, having taken many classes and having spent some time in European countries. He once told Felix about how he travelled to New York over the summer and had watched a couple of drag queens perform on the subway, and how he found it kind of cool that they had been so open about it. He must have known what it meant. Felix’s gut sinks and he lets his head fall back on the bed.
“I think… I think I’m gonna go home for dinner,” Felix says, and he sits up, slowly walking out of the room, feeling the stares of the two other boys burning on his back.
SEPTEMBER 11
OKAY
“Dude.” It’s Hyunjin’s voice, and it seems urgent, if the taps on his shoulder are anything to go by. Felix stares pointedly at his food.
Hyunjin slides into the seat across from him, ducking down to look into Felix’s eyes. Seungmin sits down next to him a little awkwardly. The cafeteria is loud around them, clamor of voices and rattling dishes filling the air.
“Dude. Felix.” Hyunjin says again, and Felix looks up. “Seungmin told me what you said the other night. At mine. Remember?” Felix remembers. How can he forget? He has tried, of course, but now here he is and us about to lose his friends over something stupid he said in the moment.
“It’s cool, Felix.” Hyunjin says, a soft smile on his lips. Felix stares at him and then at Seungmin, who is also smiling at him in a comforting sort of way. Felix opens his mouth to speak but closes it, eyes narrowing a little. Hyunjin purses his lips a bit. “I mean, like, it was weird at first, but now that you said it, it kinda makes sense, like… I dunno, you’re attractive I guess, and you’ve never seemed interested in the girls that flirt with you-”
“Girls flirt with me?”
“-And I dunno, you’re always wanting to go to the basketball games and shit when you don’t even play, so like. Yeah.” Hyunjin stops, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip and brushing his hair back a little. “It’s cool. If you’re gay.”
Felix nods, and smiles at the two, who smile back.
SEPTEMBER 13
COMPLAINTS
“Find a muse?” Felix mutters incredulously. “Who the fuck does this guy think he is-”
“Hmm?” Seungmin says. They’re sat in the school library, the university intern sat apathetically behind the librarian’s desk. It’s silent and it’s dark out, leaves drifting past the window every so often with the wind. A chill has already swept over the entire city, rendering the students of Felix’s high school prematurely in that winter coma in which they can’t get out of bed and don’t want to do their work.
There’s nobody else in the library besides the two boys and the librarian intern. Nothing can be heard except for the sound of Seungmin’s fingers on his keyboard and Felix’s occasional muttering to himself. It must be around six o’clock, because the boys from the basketball can be seen coming up the stairs from the gym through the glass divider between the library and the stairwell.
Felix sighs and lets the assignment sheet fall back onto the table. Seungmin leans over to pull the sheet closer to him and reads it, eyes narrowed.
“Yikes, dude,” Seungmin says, whistling. He pushes the sheet back over to Felix. “Good luck with that.”
“We have to photograph this muse like, once every month or something, but apparently this first month it’s gotta be every week, and what the-”
“Shh,” The intern says disinterestedly, not looking up from his book (his phone is behind the book, but Felix doesn’t say anything. He figures the dude- Minho, his name tag reads- needs the internship more than he lets on.)
Felix lowers his voice and leans a little closer to Seungmin, who looks at him over the top of his laptop. “Once a week? And they gotta be a stranger at first? Someone you find on the street? I’m going to end myself.”
Seungmin shrugs. “Your project, not mine.”
“Yeah, but-”
“Yeah, okay, whatever, I’ll help you,” Seungmin says, not even needing to hear what Felix was going to say. Felix grins and Seungmin rolls his eyes, closing his laptop and taking out the earbud that was nestled in his ear. He folds his fingers together and settles closer to Felix across the table. “Wanna get coffee with me in a coupla days? There’s this street full of interesting people that has this great coffee shop on it. We can find someone there. I can like,” Seungmin pauses to collect his thoughts. “Like, totally be your wingman.”
“We’re not trying to find me a date,” Felix says, looking at Seungmin a little warily.
“Whatever.”
SEPTEMBER 17
WHO IS THAT?
It’s cold, and leaves crunch under the boys’ boots as they walk leisurely down the little side road. It’s quite crowded for an alley, though- street vendors speak rushedly as people stride past, couples stand at the side of the road talking, and street performers are every thirty feet or so, a cup or hat placed in front of them.
Felix and Seungmin (and Hyunjin and Jeongin, a freshman who Hyunjin had befriended) turn into the side road and Felix gasps a little at the commotion. It’s narrow but full of people, buildings low around them but somehow seeming to soar into the clouds. “Woah,” Jeongin says, holding onto Felix’s sleeve. They aren’t even that close yet, barely friends, but Felix feels a surge of protectiveness for the boy that puts a smile on his face as he looks down at the younger boy fondly.
“I agree,” breathes Hyunjin, who drops his bad boy persona to gape at the crowds.
“Yeah,” Seungmin says a little smugly. “Follow me, the coffee shop’s at the end of the road.”
They weave through the throng of people, Jeongin holding onto Felix’s sleeve the whole time, awed expression on his face. Seungmin and Hyunjin lead up front, Felix doing his best not to lose them in the rush of people that seems to push on him from every angle.
They pass a lady singing with a little cardboard cup placed in front of her. She’s singing with a backing track, an old trot song that Jeongin seems to love, as he stops, humming along. “Hold on,” he says. The rest of the group falter, looking back at him, who’s stopped in front of the lady, stars in his eyes. “I love this song, I wanna watch.”
The other boys look at each other and shrug, backtracking to fall into place beside the youngest. There’s already a small crowd there, and Jeongin smiles and sings along quietly under his breath. Felix watches him with a fondness- they may have just met, but Felix somehow views him as a little brother, someone he wants to watch over.
The song ends, and Jeongin whoops and cheers. Felix laughs under his breath and claps politely. Jeongin turns back to Felix and the other two boys and smiles widely, braces on full display. “Alright, that’s all I wanted to see. We can go now.” They nod and keep going, Jeongin falling back into place next to Felix.
“Felix-ssi- can I call you hyung?” Jeongin says. “I don’ really like formalities, and you seem like a cool hyung.” Felix smiles back at him as they walk and nods, resisting the urge to reach out and ruffle his hair.
“Anyways, hyung,” Jeongin says again. “Is it true you’re from Australia? You can speak fluent English?”
Felix hums in affirmation. “Yeah, I moved here a coupla years ago. I’m still not that good at Korean.”
Jeongin is quiet for a second, focusing on pushing his way through a particularly tight clump of people. “Nah,” He decides. “I think you’re great at Korean, hyung. If you want, I can teach you more Korean, and you can teach me English!” He beams up at Felix, and Felix melts.
“Sounds good, kid.” Felix says, and promptly bumps into a solid back.
Said solid back turns around slowly. Felix isn’t that much shorter than the boy he bumped into, but hell, is he intimidated by him. He’s met with bored eyes and a thin face, bangs brushing his eyebrows. He’s dressed in black save for the deep purple hoodie he has on. There’s a black cap shoved firmly on his head, shadowing his face. Felix can hear Jeongin swallow a little bit.
The boy doesn’t say anything, just searchingly stares into Felix’s face with an unreadable expression before turning back around and continuing.
"That was weird,” Jeongin breathes, and Felix hums in agreement.
Felix spots the other two boys waving over the top of the heads of the crowd of people, and he grabs Jeongin by the wrist, pulling him through the crowd until they came to stop in front of a little brick coffee house. “Is this it?” Felix asks, eyes scanning the exterior.
It’s brick and low, lower than the other buildings lining the side street. The windows are framed in white wood and there’s a warmth radiating from the inside out, low conversations and tinkling laughter being heard from inside. There’s a little wooden sign hanging above the shop door that simply says Coffee House on it, no commercial name to be seen.
“I’m actually not sure what it’s called,” Seungmin frowns, catching Felix looking up at the sign. “I’ve been coming here for a coupla years and still don’t really know. I just call it that coffee shop with the comfy chairs.” The other three boys frown in question at him, and he grins. “You’ll see. Come on.”
It’s true- the shop is tiny and cozy, a counter with coffee machines lined up behind it and a doorway to what is presumably the kitchen. Otherwise, it’s almost like a library. There are bookshelves lining the walls, and plush looking armchairs that circle around little coffee tables. One of the tables is taken by a short guy with orange hair and round cheeks, and another with green bangs, a bright smile on his face. They talk in hushed tones.
“I’ll order,” Hyunjin offers, eyeing the girl behind the counter. “Whaddya guys want?”
Felix asks for a hot cocoa, not really needing the caffeine. Jeongin and Seungmin offer to just order with Hyunjin, who acquiesces, and Felix turns to grab a table.
He sinks into one of the armchairs in the back of the shop, in the corner farthest away from the door, and observes the street through a clear, spotless window right in his line of view. The crowd is the same, at first glance, but then he sees it thicken a little, the movement clogging in a spot right across from the coffee shop. Through the throng of people, Felix sees someone squatting down, fiddling with what looks like an amp, or maybe a speaker. The gap closes and then another one opens, where he can see said boy looking up and speaking to two other boys. Whatever they were about to start, they haven’t started yet. Maybe they’ll stop and watch then perform after they finish their drinks.
A sound startles Felix out of his thoughts and he turns to look at the three other boys, who have gotten their drinks and are settling into the three other armchairs circling the tiny wooden coffee table in the center. Jeongin smiles at Felix and sets Felix’s hot cocoa in front of him on the table before shoving himself as far back in his chair that he can. Felix watches with amusement at the satisfied look on the youngest boy’s face.
Seungmin and Hyunjin sit down in their own respective chairs and the former looks at Felix before saying, “So. Your project.”
“My project,” Felix confirms, picking up his drink and blowing on it lightly. They’d gotten the drinks to stay, so his hot cocoa is in a large white ceramic mug with the little symbol of a rose on the side, the address of the shop printed on the bottom of the mug.
Hyunjin rolls his lip between his teeth a bit. “What is it again? Seungmin tried to explain it to me but then- fuck,” He hisses, holding his tongue slightly out of his mouth, his mug held at an arm's distance away. Jeongin giggles. Hyunjin glares at him. “Burned my tongue,” He says in a slight lisp.
Felix holds back a laugh. “Yeah, so,” He says, collecting himself. “It’s like, this yearlong project type thing, and we have to find a muse and photograph them at least once a month for the whole school year, and turn in a photo series at the end of the semester. It’s kind of stupid, because like- ah, maybe it’s just because I’m antisocial or bad with new people or whatever, but it’s gotta be someone who’s a complete stranger, or something.” Felix pauses, taking a small sip of his drink. “So I gotta find a stranger and convince them to let me take photos of them. For a whole, like, six months.”
“They don’ gotta know you’re taking photos of ‘em,” Jeongin pipes up, and Felix makes a face.
“Isn’t that like, stalkerish or something-”
“At least at first,” Seungmin corrects, “They don’t have to know. At first.”
Felix hums, and takes another sip of his drink. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know what type of person I wanna photograph, though. I have like, no idea.”
Hyunjin looks contemplative. “Well, like, what about your ideal type?”
“Don’t have one-”
“That’s a fuckin’ lie,” Hyunjin cuts him off, excitement bleeding through his words. “You told me once, but I thought it was for chicks. It still works though.”
Felix sinks down in his chair, using his drink to block his face from view of the other three boys. “Stop it, oh my god-”
“What is it?” Seungmin says, leaning forward, a smirk beginning to form on his face.
Jeongin frowns. “You thought it was for girls…? Who else could it be for?-”
“Doesn’t matter,” Hyunjin coughs. “But listen, and I quote: ‘Oh, you know, tall, but not too tall, and dark and mysterious looking, but with a sweet side. Someone who’s passionate in what they like, and with dark hair, and someone who’s-”
“Oh my god, fuckin’ end me,” Felix whines, still slouched in his chair. “You’re so embarrassing.”
“It’s not that bad,” Seungmin says, trying to conceal his small smirk. “I can totally see it. New kid Felix, coming to school on the arm of a tall, dark and mysterious bo-person, getting all types of jealous looks from other people.”
Jeongin leans forward abruptly, mouth open, as if he’s about to say something. The other three boys look at him expectantly. He closes his mouth decisively, and gulps down the last of his drink. “Nevermind,” he mumbles.
“What?” The three other boys chorus, sending gentle looks towards the youngest of the four, who shrinks back.
“Uh,” He begins, a small blush already dusting the tips of his ears. “I-Is Felix-hyung, like- I don’ know, you said you thought it was for girls, but like-” He stops, chewing on his lip.
Felix freezes. He makes quick eye contact with Seungmin and then Hyunjin, who look as equally lost for words as Felix. Finally, Seungmin sighs and leans forward onto his knees a bit. “Jeongin-ah, are you asking if hyung maybe likes boys instead of girls?”
Jeongin nods.
Seungmin chews on his lip and shoots a glance at Felix, who nods almost imperceptibly. He turns back to Jeongin. “Yeah, he does. He’s gay. And that’s alright.”
“You can do that…?” Jeongin says, biting the inside of his cheek.
Seungmin nods, and Jeongin looks at Felix, who smiles a little awkwardly. They sit in silence for a moment, Hyunjin cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. Felix drinks the last of his cocoa and claps his hands softly after putting down his mug, causing the other three boys to startle. “I saw some kids setting up for a show outside earlier, do you guys wanna check it out?”
The other three shrug and Felix nods, and they stand up, leaving the warmth of the cozy little shop. Felix shrugs on his jacket as he passes through the door in front of the other three, the anxiety of the previous situation dissolving a bit with the fresh air. The crowd has thickened even more at this point, and now Felix can hear the closing notes of a song and the cheers from the throng of people surrounding the boys Felix saw earlier.
“Woah, cool!” Jeongin says from behind him, and rushes ahead through the crowd, pulling Seungmin with him. Felix falls to the back of the group, Hyunjin walking slightly ahead of them as they push through the crowd after Jeongin and Seungmin.
Felix loses them in the people for a minute, pushing forward through where the crowd gets thicker, muttering soft apologies and flashing small smiles. He finds the other three at the very front of the crowd and has just pushed his way to the front when Hyunjin says, “Well, what about him?”
Felix blinks and looks up. In front of him, in the clearing created by the mass of people, are three boys, bouncing in time with the beginning beats of a song. One of them is about Felix’s height, but looks older, with soft grey hair and a slit in his eyebrow. Another is jumping in time with the bass of the song near the crowd, with a thin face and friendly eyes. The third- Felix’s eyes widen in recognition. The third boy has bored eyes and a thin face, bangs brushing his eyebrows. He’s dressed in black save for the deep purple hoodie he has on. There’s a black cap shoved firmly on his head, shadowing his face. They make eye contact as the second boy begins to rap, and the bored boy’s lips twitch, before he adlibs a bit into his mic, hyping up the boy rapping.
“Which one?” Felix says, cheeks a little red from- embarrassment? Something like that.
Hyunjin looks at him out of the corner of his eye. “The one in the velvet hoodie. The purple one.”
Seungmin hears their conversation and leans in closer to be heard over the music. “I was totally thinking the same thing, oh my god!”
“Right?” Hyunjin murmurs. “Totally fits his type.”
“Shut up,” Felix pouts, but in reality, the more he looks at the bored boy, he notices little things about him that are undeniably attractive. For instance, the way his eyes flick from person to person in the crowd, or the way his neck bobs when he swallows, or-
Felix starts and catches the bored looking boy looking back at him with a knowing look on his face. Felix swallows, and the boy grins before licking his lips and launching into his verse of the song.
He’s enchanting and engaging in a way that shouldn’t be. His voice is dark and gravelly, edging on an apathetic tone, his movements lazy but words crisp and sharp. The two other boys hype him up as he moves his free hand in time with his words, and Felix can’t tear his eyes away from him.
Without thinking, he takes out his phone (his real camera, sadly, left at home) and opens the camera, framing the boy in the shot and snapping a burst, playing with the zoom. If the other boys notice Felix surreptitiously taking photos of the rapper he can’t tell, so he inches a bit closer, not even noticing the way the bored boy’s eyes flicked to his phone and up to his face as his verse came to a close.
The performance ends too soon. Felix and the three other boys stay around for the whole while as the crowd comes and goes, stopping and moving again. It’s dark by the time they finish, and Felix has taken some (a lot) of photos to go through and decide if he’s gonna think about the idea of having the rapper as his ‘muse’ for the year.
“Thanks,” The silver-haired rapper says when the set ends and the cheers have faded out. “We’re 3Racha, we’re on SoundCloud… Uh, J.One-ah? SpearB-ah? Anything you wanna say?” The rapper with the doe eyes smiles and bows politely to the crowd. “Ah, yes, we perform here every week on this day, so come back and support us and we will work hard!” The crowd claps again, and the disperses, leaving the three rappers to start pack up their things.
Felix turns back to the three boys he’s with. “That was cool.”
Seungmin smirks. “Yeah, I know.”
Jeongin beams at Felix. “That rapper guy was so cool! The one with the hat! And the other ones too!” He turns to the three rappers and calls out, “You hyungs are so cool!”
The silver-haired one looks back from where he’s winding up a mic cord and laughs, eyes disappearing with his smile. “Thanks, kid.”
Jeongin holds up a ‘fighting’ fist, and turns back to Felix. “I thought they were cool. And I know you did, too.”
“What?”
“Whaddya mean, what? You were taking photos the whole time.” Jeongin says, smile finding its way across his face.
Felix’s blush creeps its way down his neck. “Whatever, let’s go, okay?”
He turns, cursing himself for blushing so easily. Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin send each other knowing smirks, following in his footsteps.
Felix doesn’t notice, but the bored boy’s gaze follows his back as he’s engulfed by the crowd.
SEPTEMBER 17
11:29 PM
Felix goes through his photos, thumb swiping across his screen. His eyes burn with fatigue. It’s not even that late, but Felix has just finished his homework and it was tiring, and all he really wants to do is sleep, but then he felt his fingers itching to glance through the pictures he took of the bored looking rapper earlier in the day.
The screen is cold and smooth under the rough skin of the pad of his thumb. It takes a couple of tries to unlock his phone and get the photos app to work (his phone has been lagging for months, but neither of his parents have the motivation to go and get it fixed or replaced.) Felix sighs in frustration but finally gets the app to load.
He wrenches his eyes shut, feeling the burn in his eyes intensify. He blinks a couple of times and swipes up on his screen, checking his brightness and turning it all the way down. All of the lights are off in his room, making the screen seem that much brighter. Light emanates from his phone, illuminating the dips and curves of his face in blue.
The photos are… good, as good as they can get on a phone camera. A couple of them are blurry, and Felix deletes these, a crease forming between his eyebrows. He swipes, shaking his head- the composition isn’t right, or the lighting, but there is one thing he loves about all of these photos.
In every single one, the bored boy looks bored, yeah, but he also looks alive. It’s almost as if you can hear the words flowing out of his mouth through the photo, can hear the crushed velvet of his voice and gravelly tones of his words.
Felix swipes again, and his lips part at the next photo.
It’s the best photo he’s taken on his phone, probably. The shot shows the boy in the bottom half of the screen from the shoulders up, off to the right a little bit, cracked white paint from the building behind him taking up the rest of the photo. He’s got the mic up to his lips, halfway through a line of verse, a crease between his eyebrows in concentration. His eyes are closed, his free hand up, the shadows under his hat, his jawline and defining his neck dark and sharp.
Felix bites his lip and on a whim, sends the photo to Hyunjin.
felix
[image attached]
what do u think about this
hyunjinnn
Woah
He looks cool
felix
thats what i thought too
but like. do u think it would he would b a good subject?
hyunjinnn
Yeah
Who knows u might get a boyfriend out of this
felix
shut the fuck up oh my gof
hyunjinnn
:)
Felix locks his phone and groans. He’s asleep in minutes.
SEPTEMBER 24
A REENCOUNTER
Felix goes back to the crowded side street a week later, his camera slung around his neck and a hat shoved firmly on his head. He looks a little like a tourist, but he can’t bring himself to care. It’s Tuesday, which means that the group of boys- 3Racha- is performing again, and he needs to get a couple of shots to show Professor Kim to get the credit for the month.
When Felix pushes his way to the area around the coffee house, he can see the three boys beginning to set up, and stops, hands fiddling with the button of his camera. It’s too late to change his subject now- he needs to turn in a couple of photos to prove he’s taken some this month, and he needs to turn them in by the end of the month.
He turns into the coffee house instead of towards the boys, rolling his lip between his teeth. The camera suddenly feels too heavy around his neck. He steps up to the counter and waits for someone to take his order. The shop is practically empty today, only one man with tired eyes sitting in an armchair in the back of the room, sipping absentmindedly from a steaming mug and occasionally jotting something down in a notebook.
Finally, Felix can hear someone speaking in the back room, before a boy that looks maybe a couple of years older than Felix himself briskly walks out of the kitchen and up to the counter, wiping his hands on his apron.
“Hi, sorry about that. I’m Junhee, what would you like today?” The boy- Junhee- smiles, hands poised above the cash register.
Felix runs his hands along the camera strap, looking up at the drinks board. “Uh… Dunno, something hot? What do you suggest?”
“Chai latte is my personal favorite,” Junhee says, smile widening a bit. He has a nice smile, curling up at the corners.
Felix nods. “Yeah, okay, I’ll have that.”
Junhee nods back and types out his total, relaying the cost to Felix, who hands him the proper amount of won. “I’ll make your drink now. If you could just wait over there, I’ll have it for you in just a minute.” Junhee says, gesturing towards the end of the counter. “Will this be to stay or to go?”
Felix glances out the window, where he sees the three rappers finishing setting up, a crowd beginning to form around them. “To go, please.”
Two minutes later finds Felix leaving, sending a brief smile to Junhee as he exits the shop. He weaves his way through the crowd, muttering soft apologies. Eventually, he pushes his way to the front, a ways to the right from directly in front of the three boys.
Felix holds his drink in one hand and uses his free hand to wrench his hat down farther over his hair. His eyes scan the crowd, and then the three boys in front of him, who all look as he remembers them, except for the grey-haired boy whose hair has faded out a bit into a silvery blonde.
The bored boy doesn’t have a hat on today, and soft brown hair tumbles over his forehead and tickles his eyebrows. His purple velvet hoodie is replaced with a Champion hoodie over ripped skinny jeans, black converse and a yellow too-long belt that hangs against his leg.
The silver-haired boy coughs a little into the mic, signaling he’s going to speak. Felix takes a tentative sip of his drink (woah, chai tea is good. He’s gonna start getting that more often) and, when finding it’s not too hot, gulps half of it down in one go, trying to free his hand so he can take adequate photos.
“Hello,” The silver-haired boy says, voice warranting attention. There are scattered cheers in the audience. “We’re 3Racha. I’m CB97, this is J.One,” he gestures to the boy with the doe eyes and too-big front teeth, “and that is SpearB.” The bored boy raises a hand. The silver-haired kid- CB97 (it’s strange to refer to him as that, Felix thinks. He’ll probably keep the silver-haired kid) smiles into the audience. “This first song is called Matryoshka.”
The beat begins, bass thrumming through the cracked asphalt and into Felix’s feet. J.One starts rapping against the beat, confidence radiating off of him. Felix likes watching him rap. He looks relaxed and easy, interacting with the crowd sometimes, the other two boys hyping him up as he struts around the little clearing.
The grey-haired boy’s verse is next, and he raps differently than J.One, but not worse- rather than confidence, passion rolls off of him in waves. Felix can tell he spends his days practicing. His English words come easy in his verses, and Felix wonders if maybe he studies English.
When it’s finally the bored boy’s- SpearB’s- verse, he launches into a spitfire rap, eyes wrenched tightly closed. Felix has finished his drink at this point and raises his camera, pressing the shutter down halfway to focus, before snapping his first shot of the day.
He squats, ignoring the way some of the crowd looks at him strangely, not noticing the way J.One looks at him curiously out of the corner of his eye, or the way CB97 swallows back a smirk at Felix’s actions.
He takes shots throughout the entirety of SpearB’s verse, adjusting his stance to get good shots. He leaves before the entire set ends, turning and murmuring apologies as he pushes through people to leave.
He doesn’t see the way SpearB’s eyes follow him when he leaves, curiosity etching his normally apathetic features.
When he gets home, he closes his door and ignores his parents calling him for dinner. Instead, he flips open the bottom of his camera, gently extracting the memory card and pushing it into the side of his computer, humming something tuneless under his breath. He really hopes these photos turn out okay, because he doesn’t have another week to spare, and this was the last time he could see SpearB perform before his progress deadline.
He only needs to turn in three photos, and they don’t have to be used in the final, so he picks a random two that seem okay, and then his eye catches on a third.
It’s one from down lower, zoomed in rather close on SpearB’s face, which is tilted back to look up into the sky. His adam’s apple sticks out of his neck and is highlighted by sunlight, his mic held up to his lips between prayer hands, his eyes peacefully closed.
Though they don’t have to be used in the final photobook, Felix is sure this photo will end up there, and he smiles, selecting that one as the third.
OCTOBER 9TH
CONSOLE ME
Felix doesn’t usually shoot in film, but Professor Kim had lent him a film camera (named the Black Death, as stated on a sticker on the side. Who names their cameras?) and it was Tuesday, so he decided he might as well try it.
He used an entire roll of film, one that Professor Kim had given to him so god knows how old it was, but that doesn’t really matter since film is practically immortal.
That’s how Felix finds himself in the school darkroom that night. It’s almost 8pm, and the red light of the room is beginning to make Felix sleepy. He dips yet another photo into the liquid, being careful not to shake it or anything before clipping it up onto a wire to dry.
There’s a tentative knock on the door, and Felix startles, almost dropping the photo in his hands. He lets out the breathe he had been holding and calls out, “Who is it?”
“Uh… It’s Jeongin,” A voice sounds back, and Felix frowns, wondering what the younger boy would be doing at school at this hour.
“Uh… give me a second, let me just hang this photo up,” Felix replies, eyebrows furrowed. He hastily- or as hastily as he can when it comes to developing photos- submerges the photo before taking it out and hanging it up beside his other photos to dry and develop. He wipes his hands on a rag and strides to the door, opening it only as much as needed to slip through, before hurrying out and closing the door quickly as to not let any light into the room.
The dim light of the hallway seems blinding in contrast to the red light of the darkroom, and Felix blinks and squints, holding up a hand to shield his eyes while they adjust. When he blinks again and squints, he sees Jeongin standing in front of him, wringing his hands, concern etched on all of his features.
“Jeongin-ah?” Felix says, bring his hands down to hold the younger boy’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, uh,” Jeongin mumbles. “Can- Can we sit?”
Felix frowns but nods, folding his legs beneath him, sitting down onto the tiled floors of the school hallway. Jeongin does the same, sitting across from him with his knees pulled up to his chest.
Felix cocks his head at the younger boy, who just stares at his hands and fidgets. “Are you sure you’re okay, Jeonginie-ah?”
Jeongin takes a breath, holding it, before looking Felix into his eyes and letting out his words in a rush. “How did you know you were gay?”
Felix blinks. That is… not what he was expecting at all from the younger boy. He struggles for something to say, eyes never leaving the younger’s, whose are filled with something Felix can’t quite place. Anxiety, maybe? Concern?
“Dunno,” Felix speaks quietly, suddenly finding it hard to look at Jeongin. It’s a sensitive topic, and has been since moving to Korea, where he really can’t be open about it. He swallows, watching his hands as he plays with his fingers. “I guess… Dunno. When I was younger, it was somehow- like, different, for me. You know how when you hit like, fourth grade, everyone starts getting crushes and telling their friends and whispering secrets about their crushes to their friends?”
Jeongin nods, eyes attentive, mouth slightly parted. Felix lets out a breath. “I never really had that with a girl. Sure, I thought girls were cool, and I had a lot of friends who were girls, but I never found myself having a crush on one like my guy friends did. Like, if we played truth or dare, and I picked truth and someone asked me who my crush was, I would always say I didn’t have one when really, maybe I liked that fifth grade boy who seemed so cool and out of my league. But I didn’t say anything. And all my friends would be like, oh, I have a crush on Sarah, or isn’t Liliana so pretty?
“And then in intermediate school, my friends started to hook up with girls and started going on dates and getting girlfriends, and I didn’t want that. I had one girlfriend named Charlotte just to try and see if maybe it would work, but I hated it and I hated kissing her. And then, it was like, woah, maybe I’ll never be into girls. Because I had always noticed how I would say the same things my friends would say, except about guys.
“It was kind of a gradual thing,” Felix finishes lamely, biting his lip to look up at Jeongin. “I came out to my parents before we moved. They took it a lot better than I expected.” Jeongin only nods, breaking his intense gaze on Felix to look at his lap. Felix’s tone softens. “Why do you ask?”
“Because,” Jeongin breathes, “I- Dunno, I don’ really know what I’m doing, but when you tol’ me you were gay, I didn’t even know that was like, a thing. And I thought yeah, sometimes that’s me. To be honest, hyung,” Jeongin glances shyly up at Felix. “It was like that when I first met you. I thought you were really cool and handsome. I still think that, but not on the same way,” He adds on, eyes widening a little.
“Sometimes?” Felix questions.
Jeongin nods, rolling his lip between his teeth. “Because I’ve thought that about girls, too.” Suddenly he looks up at Felix, a ferocity burning in his gaze that Felix didn’t know he had in him. “And please don’t say I don’t know what I’m talking about, because yeah, I’m a kid, but I’m not a baby. I know how I feel and I’m figuring myself out, and I know how to make my own decisions. I’m only a year younger than you, hyung. Everyone treats me like a kid, but I’m pretty mature, a lot of the time.” He sticks out his chin defiantly, a little twinkling of what could be tears in his eyes, and Felix smiles at him softly.
“I know,” He says, and Jeongin visibly deflates, his lower lip wobbling. Felix scoots closer, cooing. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”
Jeongin sniffs, a tear falling over his waterline. “I’m scared,” He admits into Felix’s shoulder. “I’m really scared, hyung.”
“I know,” Felix says, hugging him close on the floor of the school hallway, sickly yellow light flickering and illuminating them in shades of yellow and green. “I know.”
OCTOBER 15TH
YEAH, BUT WHO ARE YOU?
Felix is back, camera in his hands, taking photos as the boys perform. He’s made a sort of pact with himself to show up every Tuesday. That way, he can get a good array of photos to choose from for the progress report at the end of the month.
The set ends, and Felix snaps his lens cap onto his camera, zoning out a little at a piece of gum stuck to the sidewalk. He fiddles with his camera strap. Felix knows he can’t keep taking creep shots like this- he can’t have the same type of photo for the entire photo book at the end of the year. Which is why-
“Yah,” a low voice says, startlingly close to his ear. “Who are you?”
Felix blinks slowly and looks up from the cracked pavement to look into a pair of tired eyes, way closer to his own than he would have thought.
Not that he minds.
“Uh… what?” Felix responds intelligently, stammering a little.
The eyes blink. The crowd continues to disperse around them, nudging Felix in the arm sometimes, slowly pushing him closer and closer to the bored boy, who stands with his head cocked slightly to the side and his hands shoved into the front pockets of his skinny jeans.
“Who are you?” The rapper says, furrowing his brow a little, squinting at Felix like he’s trying to figure him out. “You take photos of us when you think we don’t notice.”
Felix feels his mouth go dry, and he’s rather at a loss for words- his camera suddenly feels too heavy around his neck. “Just you,” He says, cursing himself aggressively (internally) as soon as the words slip out of his mouth.
“Sorry, wha-”
“I mean, haha,” Felix says, tugging at his collar. He can feel a blush burning at the tips of his ears. Over the shoulder of the bored boy he can see the other two rappers curiously looking on from a distance. “I’m uh, I’m a photography student,” He begins to explain his situation to the rapper, who looks thoroughly unimpressed with the whole situation. “I needed to find a subject to take photos of over the course of… uh, a while, and I had taken some photos of you when I first saw you, and I just turned those in so now I have to use you as my subject, and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or whatever, but like-”
He cuts himself off. It’s not a total lie, really- he wasn’t stuck with him as his subject, he had chosen him, but it’s kind of true. The other boy looks back at him with a sort of unreadable expression. He’s silent. Felix doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he finally speaks.
“Weird, but sure,” The boy hums. His eyes narrow, and Felix swallows. “When were you planning on letting me know? Were you just gonna take stalker photos of me until the project is due?”
Felix shakes his head, eyes widening. “No, no, I was actually planning on letting you know today.”
The other kid nods dubiously, and Felix shrugs.
“What’s your name, then?” The kid says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, his shoulders visibly relaxing.
“Felix.”
The kid raises his eyebrows. “Not from here?”
“Australia,” Felix replies. The crowd is lessening now, dispersed completely from where it had crowded around the performance, and is now just a stream flowing around where Felix and the other boy stand.
The other kid nods, not saying anything. Felix raises an eyebrow. “What’s your name, then?”
“Changbin.”
“Changbin,” Felix echoes. He decides he likes the way it sounds.
(He doesn’t know this, but Changbin likes the way his name sounds in Felix’s deep voice.)
“Yah,” Changbin furrows his brow. “That’s hyung to you.”
Felix smiles, and watches with his heart swelling a little bit when Changbin allows a small smile to grace his lips as well, a sweet little thing that lights up his dark character.
They’re silent for a moment, Felix staring at his shoes, trying to think of something to say, when Changbin speaks up. “Give me your phone.”
“Wha-”
“Unlock your phone, and then give it to me,” He says, holding a hand out, palm up. Felix takes his phone out of his pocket, fumbling with it for a second due to cold fingers, before dropping
it tentatively in Changbin’s hand.
“What are you-”
Changbin gives him a look. “If I’m gonna be your subject for your project, you need to have my number. You can’t just take photos of me performing.”
Felix bites his lip, trying not to let his excitement show when Changbin hands the phone back. “I’ll… text you, I guess, so you have mine?”
Changbin nods, and then raises a hand in a sort of half assed goodbye, walking backwards a couple of steps before turning around to make his way to the other two rappers. Felix raises a hand back, letting it linger too long in the air after Changbin has turned around before shaking his head and whipping around to face the other way, ignoring the glares he gets from the people trying to push past him. He puts his hands on his cheeks, sighing internally when he feels them burning under his touch.
Whatever. He’s cool. He’s chill.
OCTOBER 16TH
2AM
felix
it’s felix hi
unknown number
oh hey
save my name as cool rapper hyung
felix
uh no
it’s totally gonna be changbinnie hyung now
changbinnie hyung
brat, we aren’t that close yet
felix
yet
changbinnie hyung
touche
He may feel like a schoolgirl doing so, but Felix smiles and suppresses a happy noise, hugging his phone to his chest.
OCTOBER 17TH
MINHO: YOUR LOCAL SCHOLAR
The library is quiet. Felix doesn’t usually stay after hours to do anything besides photography stuff, as always, but he’s really falling behind in chemistry and there’s nothing he’s been doing about it, so here he is. Studying. Like a scholar. Like a scholar that he really isn’t.
Because why the fuck is there a roman numeral next to iron? Felix furrows his eyebrows, scratching at his scalp absentmindedly while he flips through his notes, eyes flicking from his messy scrawl to his homework sheet. Honestly, his neck and back are starting to hurt from bending over his work, the hard plastic of the chair he’s sitting on not making him comfortable at all, and he truly just wants to give up.
Felix mumbles to himself, shaking his head. “What the…”
“Need help?” A voice says, and Felix startles, jumping a little in his seat. He looks up to see the library intern smiling down at him from across the table where Seungmin would normally sit.
Felix is about to decline when his desperation gets the best of him, and he blurts, “God, yes please.”
The intern laughs and points to the chair next to Felix. “Can I sit?” Felix nods and the intern pulls out the chair, sitting down gently before leaning forward to inspect the sheet.
“I’m Minho, by the way,” the guy says, and Felix nods.
“Felix.”
Minho smiles. “What’s the problem?” He pulls the sheet closer to him and lets out a breath. “Ah, chemistry. Ionic bonding. Isn’t this supposed to be a grade ten course?”
“Yeah, moved here too late though,” Felix mumbles.
Minho nods in understanding. “What are you having trouble with, exactly?”
“The, uh, the roman numeral thing? I don’t…” Felix trails off, huffing. He’s never had trouble with classes really, he’s gotten decent grades without trying too hard, so the fact that this is so hard for him really pisses him off, to be honest.
“Okay, so,” Minho says, and launches into an easy-to-follow lecture on what the hell the numeral means, and in twenty minutes or so, Felix has finished the sheet.
“Thank you so so much,” Felix bows shallowly in his seat.
Minho laughs and holds his hands up. “It’s no problem, really! If you ever have problems again, just ask. I’m like, always here.”
Felix chews on his lip thoughtfully, before tentatively asking, “Would you maybe… like… be my tutor? Or something…?”
“Sure, yeah, if that’s something you want,” Minho agrees with a small smile, and Felix feels himself relax.
“Thank you so much again, hyung,” Felix says, putting his books back into his backpack. “I really should get home now, but thank you!”
Minho nods, smile ever-present. “It’s no problem kid, really. Get home safe, Felix.”
Felix beams back and, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, speedwalks out of the library to get home for dinner.
OCTOBER 18TH
TRIO TO QUARTET
Sometimes Felix loves lunch periods, and sometimes Felix hates them.
He loves food. He’ll do anything for food. This is why he usually loves lunch periods- just food, that’s all he needs to concentrate on. It’s a break from work to eat food. What’s not to love? There is exactly one thing not to love about lunch periods, and his name is Hyunjin.
“So? Did you go back last Tuesday?” Hyunjin leans forward across the lunch table. Felix glares at him, mouth full of rice.
“Just because you were sick all week doesn’t mean you couldn’t have texted me,” Felix speaks around his mouthful of food, rolling his eyes. Hyunjin only shrugs, and repeats his question. Felix groans. “Yeah, yes. I did.”
Hyunjin lets out a squeal that shouldn’t come out of a man with his presence and Seungmin, who’s sitting next to Hyunjin (across from Jeongin, who’s joined their little posse. Felix likes his presence, and he likes to think Jeongin reciprocates the feeling) lets out a sly smile, winking exaggeratedly towards Felix.
Felix sighs and picks up his tray, ready to leave. “Yah, that’s it, I’m going-”
“No!” Hyunjin laughs, tugging at the hem of Felix’s shirt to try and pull him back down to sit. “I didn’t mean it! Just tell me what happened!”
Felix huffs and pouts, letting his tray drop an inch or two onto the table, letting out a loud noise. Jeongin giggles from his place next to Felix. After shoving a healthy spoonful of rice into his mouth (and, in turn, forcing the others to wait while he chews and swallows,) sighs, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his fingers, eyes closed in quiet resignation.
“I went back to take photos,” Felix says, shooting Hyunjin a glare when he lets out a snort. “And I was planning on telling him I was taking photos of him- I swear, I was- but then after the performance he, like, came up to me and asked me who I was?”
Seungmin, someone usually modest and quiet, wiggles his eyebrows. “Ah, so he noticed you-”
“Shut the fuck up, oh my god-”
“We have children present!” Seungmin holds a hand over his heart, feigning horror at Felix’s words. “How dare you speak like that!”
“I’m not even that much younger than you,” Jeongin says, sending a look to Seungmin, who only shrugs.
“Whatever,” Felix says, flapping his hands around and then placing them palm down on the table. “He asks me who I am, and then he’s like, ‘I’ve seen you taking photos of us,’ and I’m like, ‘Uh, I’m a photography student, and I’m just taking photos of you.”
Hyunjin makes a face. “That’s kind of creepy, not gonna like, Felix-ah.”
“I know,” Felix says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was so embarrassed. But then, like, I explained what my project was, and he was weirdly cool about it, and then he basically invited me to hang out with him? To take photos, of course.”
Jeongin smiles brightly, and the other two boys follow in his steps. “Hyung, that’s great!!” Jeongin says, words slightly slurred from his braces. “What’s his name?”
“Changbin,” Felix says quietly. “He gave me his number.”
“What?” Hyunjin practically roars, eliciting other students to send their group curious glances. Hyunjin makes an apologetic look around the room and then sits back down, leaning closer to Felix on his elbows. “What? You’re gonna get some dic-”
“That’s enough,” Seungmin places a hand on Hyunjin’s arm in a vain attempt to quiet him down a bit. He sends a smile to Felix, who’s looking at the pair across from him shyly, aware of the comforting hand Jeongin has on Felix’s knee.
Seungmin cocks his head to the side. “So, when are you hanging out?”
OCTOBER 26TH
COFFEE?
Felix stands outside a coffee shop, earbuds in his ears and phone in one hand. He looks up at the sign to the shop, and then back at the texts he had exchanged with Changbin which state the address. The number on the shop is the same as the number on his screen, so it must be right.
But it can’t be, because this place is too… It’s too cutesy to be somewhere Changbin goes regularly. The front of the shop is white, and it’s got fucking flower boxes, and a little old lady sits at one of the two tables out front with a steaming mug of tea in front of her and a little poodle at her feet.
So yeah, Felix is confused.
But he goes in anyways, eyes scanning the place. There are no armchairs in this shop, but there are tables and chairs and bookshelves along one wall. Along another wall are large burlap bags full of coffee beans, and the smell is overwhelming (not that Felix is complaining. The smell is addictive.)
And then his eyes land on Changbin, who has a notebook out in front of him and his eyes closed. He’s sitting in the far corner table, one leg propped up on the chair across from him, tapping his pen along to some unheard rhythm. There’s this small crease between his eyebrows that Felix wants to smooth over with his thumb, or maybe kiss, but Felix has an ounce of self control, and so instead he strides over to the table, tapping on it lightly to ease Changbin out of his trance.
Changbin’s eyes open slowly, lethargically, and he blinks up at Felix. Once he realizes who he is, though, a small smile breaks out on his face and he shuts his notebook.
“Felix-ah, hey, sit down.” The words are spoken slowly, as if Changbin’s waking up from a nap. Felix offers a smile and sits down, fiddling with his practically-empty backpack, which only has his camera in it. He ends up putting the bag on the floor next to him.
“Hey,” Felix says, and then pauses. He adds on “Hyung” almost like an afterthought, but it makes Changbin’s gaze flicker a little in a way Felix can’t really understand.
“How do you even know I’m older than you?” Changbin cross his arms.
Felix smiles smugly. “My birthday is September 15th, 2000.”
Changbin is quiet, biting on the inside of his cheek, and the amused annoyance on his face causes Felix to suppress a giggle. “Okay then,” Changbin huffs, and this time Felix laughs.
“When were you born?”
“August 11,” Changbin says. “1999.”
“Wow,” Felix exaggerates his tone. “You’re so old.”
“Shut it, brat,” Changbin says, but his words have no venom- instead they’re laced with amusement, and it makes Felix break out into a beaming grin, one that makes Changbin send back that tiny smile of his that makes Felix’s chest warm.
It’s nice, really, how they fall into conversation so easily. Felix is kind of an extrovert, and he can tell Changbin is more of an introvert, but somehow they banter easily. Changbin never seems awkward and Felix never has to try and make it not awkward. They balance each other out nicely, Felix notes, as Changbin pokes fun at his barely-there accent. Even though they’re practically strangers, they fall into friendship like they’ve known each other for years.
“Oh shit,” Changbin says, and Felix questioningly looks up at him. “I totally forgot. Did you want something to drink? I didn’t get myself anything because I wanted to wait for you, and-” Changbin cuts himself off, coughing a little. “Yeah.”
Felix holds back a small laugh. “Yeah, that’d be cool.”
“What do you want?”
“Uh,” Felix starts, and then remembers what he got the day he got Changbin’s number. “Chai latte?”
“Cool,” Changbin says, and then he’s standing, patting his pocket to feel if there’s a wallet in there. Felix watches him as he walks past, but then he reaches out and grabs his wrist to stop him. Changbin looks down where they’re connected. “Wha-”
“You don’t have to pay,” Felix says.
Changbin smiles gently, something that looks out of character but softens his face in all the right ways. “It’s all good, I got it.”
“No, but-”
“Dude,” Changbin laughs lightly, gently prying his arm free of Felix’s grip. “I want to. It’s okay. You can pay next time.” Changbin’s tone is cheeky, and Felix bites the inside of his cheek.
“Okay,” He says, and Changbin walks off to the front to get in the (small) line behind the till.
Felix doesn’t mean to take out his camera and start taking photos of Changbin, but from this angle, there’s a light directly behind Changbin’s head that illuminates his hair and creates a soft halo around him. When he turns his head to the side, the light highlights the dips and curves of his face and nose, making a haze around him in gold that contrasts ethereally to the white of the wall behind him, and Felix’s finger must be shutter-happy because he keeps taking photos until he can see Changbin walking back towards him in the viewfinder.
“You’re being creepy,” Changbin says, scrunching up his face as he places Felix’s drink in front of him on the table.
Felix lowers his camera and smiles. “People look better when they’re not trying.”
“Huh,” Changbin hums, and takes a sip of his drink.
Felix peers curiously at him. “What’s that?”
“Americano.”
“You disgust me.”
“Alright, brat, is yours that much better?” Changbin challenges, face completely neutral but eyes amused. Felix raises an eyebrow challengingly and slides his latte over to Changbin, who eyes it cautiously. “Is it sweet?” He asks, and Felix only shrugs, smirk plastered to his expression.
Changbin raises the mug to his lips and takes a cautious sip, eyebrows immediately furrowing as the liquid hits his tongue. “Motherfucker, ow, that fucking burns,” Changbin groans, his mouth open slightly. He slides the drink back to Felix, who’s laughing, and fans his tongue with one hand as if that will help.
Felix doesn’t mean to laugh as long as he does, but Changbin just looks so funny with his tongue out like that, and so Felix continues to laugh harder as Changbin’s scowl deepens.
“You’re so annoying,” Changbin says, but Felix can hear the hint of a smile in his words, and so he sends him another cheeky smile.
“Love you too, hyung.”
(They stay at the coffee shop for a long while after. Eventually, the shop closes early because it’s a Saturday and everyone wants to go home, and the two boys get kicked out, half for being there until closing and half for being disruptive. The two of them make an agreement to never go back to the shop again, just in case they’re remembered and thrown out.)
NOVEMBER 4
3:48PM
felix
why werent u at school ? u ok ?
hyunjinnn
Yeah I’m good I’m sick
U should come over
felix
no thanks id rather not die of the plague
hyunjinnn
It’s just a cold smh
felix
still no
hyunjinnie
Uh rude?
Srs tho can u bring homework over?
felix
ask seungmin or somethin
hyunjinnie
???????
Why lol ur always free
felix
ur MEAN wow
nah i got plans
hyunjinnie
????????????????????
WHAT? WHOM?
I need details thanks!
felix
i’m uh.
getting coffee again
with changbinnie hyung
hyunjinnie
’Changbinnie hyung’
felix
stfu uglie
hyunjinnie
Okay have fun use protection and all that
I’ll ask Seungmin for the homework u go and have ur fun
felix
thanks
dont die of the plague
hyunjinnie
It’s a COLD
NOVEMBER 5
12:59AM
changbinnie hyung
hey
i forgot to ask when we got coffee but
felix
?
changbinnie hyung
are u coming to my show tmr?
in front of the coffee place
felix
wasn’t planning on it since i got good photos of u today
changbinnie hyung
ok
felix
??? do u want me to ?
changbinnie hyung
i mean yea
i like having u there
makes me try harder
felix
ha gay
”Hyunjin,” Felix shouts, trying to pry his phone out of the other boy’s hands. The room is full of laughter, giggles erupting from Hyunjin and Jeongin, and a suppressed laugh emitting from Seungmin. They’re all sat in Seungmin’s room, and they really shouldn’t be, since it’s a Monday and they have school tomorrow, but whatever- Seungmin’s mom made spicy kimchi jjigae, and nobody can refuse that.
Hyunjin only laughs harder at Felix’s attempts to get his phone back, holding it high out of reach. Felix scowls, and propels himself forward onto Hyunjin who lets out a surprised scream when Felix’s body weight falls onto him. Felix snatches the phone back, quickly moving behind Jeongin as a human shield.
changbinnie hyung
oh
uh ok
felix
NO OH MY GOD
HYUNG !!!!! that was my friend hyunjin i am SO SORRY !!
scratch that he’s totally not my friend anymore
changbinnie hyung
all good
felix
no it’s not :(
that implied that being gay was wrong or smth which it’s Not so. yea.
changbinnie hyung
i agree with that
but srs its cool
felix
i’ll see u at ur show tmr then?
technically today but
changbinnie hyung
yea
come say hi after<
felix
:) i will
Felix locks his phone and glares at Hyunjin over Jeongin’s back. “I hate you.”
NOVEMBER 5
YUH: AN INVITE
The show is great, as usual, and within the first minute of the song Changbin’s eyes meet Felix’s through the crowd and Changbin beams at him, wide and real and bright and it makes Felix’s heart clench painfully in his chest. It’s the widest he’s seen Changbin smile before and it fucking hurts, to be honest.
Somehow Felix makes his way to the front of the crowd sometime during the middle of the show. The song they’re going hard to right now is one Felix has heard before, the one they call Matryoshka. Felix has his camera, and he holds it up to his face, squinting one eye shut to peer through the viewfinder. He snaps a couple of shots of the other members, deciding he could send them to Changbin later. His lens follows the doe eyed rapper- he calls himself J.One, Felix recalls- and takes a couple shots, then taking a couple shots of the blonde-silver haired boy as he raps his verse, and then through his viewfinder he sees Changbin hold the mic up to his lips, eyes on Felix.
Felix lowers the camera, and locks eyes with Changbin. Changbin starts his verse, voice deep and hard and gravelly, all the while making eye contact with Felix. A tingle starts in the tips of Felix’s fingers and he really wants to look away, but finds himself unable to, rooted to the spot with his eyes frozen staring into the older boy’s.
His eyes never waver as Changbin moves closer as his verse gets hotter, closer and closer until he’s right in front of Felix, rapping straight into his face. The crowd around him gets wild and moves around more, making Felix sway in time with the music, but always looking at Changbin, who looks back.
At the last line of his verse and the last line of the song, Changbin says “Yuh,” and he lowers the mic, smirking into Felix’s face before stepping away and back towards the other two rappers in his group. Felix can only stare after him, dumbfounded, as the crowd around him cheers. They seems to have developed quite the fanbase over the weeks (months? Felix doesn’t know how long they’ve been performing) they’ve been doing shows, so the crowd has increased in size quite a bit since Felix’s first time seeing them. The enlarged crowd shoves at Felix and he shakes out of his trance, and blinks to see the three rappers glancing at him, and speaking to Changbin teasingly, Changbin shaking them off and introducing the next song.
Felix doesn’t really move until the show ends and the crowd disperses. It’s when he feels a hand on his shoulder does he look up into the face of the doe eyed rapper and he smiles in spite of himself. The rapper smiles back.
“You good, kid?” He says, and Felix nods, hands subconsciously reaching up to clutch at his camera. The rapper nods a little. “Cool. You’re Felix, right?” Felix nods again. “Changbin talks about you a lot. Come say hi.”
Felix barely has time to process the words coming out of the guy’s mouth before he’s being led towards where the other two rappers are winding up mic cords and powering down amps. Changbin stands up from where he’s knelt on the ground and shoots a small smile to Felix, who returns the gesture. “Hey,” Changbin says. He looks as if he’s about to say something else, opening his mouth, but decides against it, closing it again.
“Hi, hyung,” Felix says.
Changbin gestures to the doe-eyed rapper who brought Felix over, and said boy smiles, eyes bunching up into crescents. “This is Jisung-ah, aka J.One.”
“Hey,” Jisung says. “You can call me hyung.”
Changbin lets out a light chuckle. “Nah, Jisung-ah, he’s your age.”
“Wha-?” Jisung turns his head back to Felix, who smiles shyly. Jisung looks him up and down. “He looks so young though.”
“His birthday is only a day after yours,” Changbin says, one corner of his mouth playing into a grin. Felix blinks- he had mentioned his birthday once, in passing, the second time they went out to get coffee at the coffee shop across from where they perform. He hadn’t expected him to actually remember it. The thought makes him smile.
Jisung looks at Felix, an incredulous and disbelieving smile on his face. “Yours is September 15th?” When Felix nods, he lets out a startled laugh. “Mine is the 14th!”
Felix laughs. “I can still call you hyung, if you want.”
“Nah, that would be weird,” Jisung says, flapping a hand. “Jisung is fine.”
“Cool,” Felix says, and then the third rapper wanders over, a duffel bag in one of his hands.
“We gotta get going soon,” He says, smiling apologetically at the other three. “Junhee's time slot ends soon.”
“Ah, okay,” Changbin says, nodding. “But while you’re here, hyung- this is Felix. Felix, this is Chan-hyung.”
The boy smiles and holds out a hand. Felix takes it and shakes it, eyes a little widened from the formality. “Yeah, I'm Chan. Nice to meet you, and all that.”
“Yeah,” Felix replies, letting Chan’s hand drop. “Can I call you hyung, too?”
“Sure,” Chan shrugs, and then shoots a sly smile to Changbin. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be seeing a lot of you, so-” Changbin cuts him off with an elbow to the side, and Chan laughs, holding his ribs. “Ow,” He complains, amusement dripping from his words. “Is that any way to treat your hyung?”
Changbin shrugs. “Chan is Australian, too,” He informs Felix, and Chan and Felix make wide eye contact.
“You’re Australian?” Felix says, slipping into English. His English is much better than his Korean, and he finds comfort in the words flowing out of his mouth.
Chan nods excitedly. “Yeah,” He says, also in English. “Moved here a while ago, though. Like, six, seven years, or something. I’m from Sydney,” He adds, and his eyes seem to brighten when he talks about Australia. Felix wonders if his eyes do the same.
“So am I!” Felix gestures excitedly. He’s about to say something else when he looks over to see Changbin and Jisung making confused eye contact, shrugging to each other. “Sorry,” Felix apologizes to them.
“No worries,” Jisung says, smiling at him. “You guys will have plenty of time to talk more, I think, as long as you and Changbin-hyung stay friends.”
Felix’s eyes dart over to glance at Changbin. His expression is unreadable, eyes cast towards a distant spot on the ground, and Felix averts his gaze to look back at Jisung. Jisung’s expression is one of analytical focus, darting over Felix’s expression once before melting back into what seems to be his perpetual grin (aside from, of course, when he’s performing. Then he’s got this insufferable smirk that, Felix won’t lie, is attractive.) “Well, we have to go, I can see Junhee glaring at us from inside.” Jisung waves across the street to where Junhee, the barista (?) that had served Felix a couple of weeks before, is cleaning a coffee machine and glaring playfully at them.
“It was great meeting you,” Chan adds on, a smile also on his face.
Felix nods. “Yeah, you too.”
“You guys go ahead,” Changbin says, waving a hand towards the other two. “I wanna talk to Felix for a bit without you fuckers around.”
The other two only laugh, Chan ruffling Changbin’s hair with his free hand which elicits a scowl from the younger boy. Felix stifles a giggle. He bets that if it were anyone else doing that, Changbin would have a fit- he can see that Chan and Changbin are rather close.
“See you around,” Chan says to Felix, and Felix smiles in response. Chan waves, and then he and Jisung step away, melting into the less-concentrated crowd.
Changbin turns to Felix, hands deep in the pockets of his hoodie. Felix looks at him expectantly. There’s a nervous air to the way Changbin is holding himself, though he doesn’t give anything away in his expression- it’s all harsh apathy again, bored eyes like the first time they met.
Changbin sucks his teeth lightly and moves his gaze upwards to just above Felix’s head. “You wanna come over to mine?”
Felix blinks. “Wha-”
“My apartment,” Changbin continues. “It’s not far from here. I don’t mean now, obviously. Maybe in like, a couple weeks, or something. I just wanna like, watch movies, or some shit, you know?”
“Yeah,” Felix’s gaze softens into one of fondness. Changbin doesn’t really seem like the type of person to show affection easily, even in a friendship (as shown with Chan, and how reluctant he was in returning Chan’s brotherly love, and instead returning it in his own gruff way.) Felix thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s trying to say he wants to spend more time with Felix. (Of course, that could just be Felix hoping. He’s had a streak of finding boys cute, and then befriending them, and flirting with them and thinking they’re into him as well, only to be gravely mistaken and turned down, never to be spoken to again. That’s a part of the reason why he hasn’t flirted with Changbin- he’s had his fair share of turn-downs, and doesn’t really want to go through another one.
Not that he doesn’t find Changbin (really) attractive. To say that would just be a lie.)
“I’d like that, hyung.” Felix cocks his head slightly to the side. “I’d like that a lot.”
Felix watches as Changbin’s adam’s apple bops as he swallows, eyes still trained on something past Felix. He looks down to meet Felix’s gaze, eyes softening and corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “Cool. I’ll text you.”
NOVEMBER 15
IMPROMPTU
changbinnie hyung
i see u also are in the mood for coffee
felix
what
oh
hi hyung i see u
changbinnie hyung
>why havent u ordered ??
felix
dont have money just here to study
changbinnie hyung
uhh gross lemme get u smth
no stop dont get up its ok i got it
felix
sbhsbhsb ok hyung
changbinnie hyung
chai tea latte right
felix
wtf howd u know
changbinnie hyung
its ur usual
felix
i can’t believe u
read, 4:31pm.
felix
hyung why is there a lemon cake in my bag
changbinnie hyung
u like lemon cake
so i got u a lemon cake
but u wouldnt have taken it if i just gave it to u
so i wrapped it and shoved it in ur bag
ur welcome
felix
what the fuck ilu thsnk u so much ?????
changbinnie hyung
it’s whatever lol
ilu too i guess
uglie
NOVEMBER 29
TURN IN
Felix walks into the classroom with his camera slung over one shoulder just as the end-of-period bell rings. He fights through the students heading out like a fish heading upstream, emerging into an empty classroom, save for Professor Kim, who’s sitting at his desk.
The professor looks up when Felix approaches him, and Felix pulls down his mask to speak. “Hi, sorry, I was out today- I think I have a cold or something- but I brought in my photos for the month for you to go over?”
The professor smiles, dimples appearing at either side of his mouth. “Yeah, it’s no problem- why don’t we look at these together, hm?”
Felix stammers. “Oh- uh, I mean- I guess, if you want?”
Professor Kim only laughs, and Felix presses his memory stick into his awaiting palm. Felix shuffles in place uncomfortably for a couple of seconds before Professor Kim offers him a chair, which he pulls over. Felix sits down graciously, bowing his head slightly, watching as the professor slides the memory stick into the USB port.
There’s a folder labelled fps nov which the professor clicks on, and the photos Felix took of Changbin performing materialize on the screen, sky grey behind his silhouette. That was something Felix had played with this time- silhouette. The mid-afternoon lighting had been perfect, a grey sky and low lit street making Changbin appear as nothing but a shadow through Felix’s viewfinder. He had turned in over ten photos, even though the minimum was 3- he couldn’t really pick between many of them.
The professor hums, clicking over the first photo. It’s Changbin, his whole body, shoulders hunched and head down with a mic in his hand, silhouette in a gap in a crowd. It’s beautiful, in Felix’s opinion.
“You’re very talented,” The professor says musingly, clicking through the photos.
Felix bows his head slightly. “Thank you.”
“Who…” The professor taps the desk a couple times with his index finger. “Who exactly is this guy? You take photos of him like he’s something very important to you.”
Felix blinks, a chill running through his body. “What- how-”
The professor smiles. “All I mean is that when people first find a subject they’ve never interacted with or met before, their photos aren’t taken with such care. This goes for even the greatest photographers. There’s no emotion in the photos, no story- but for you, somehow, there’s that, even though you just met only two months ago.” Professor Kim cocks his head to the side. “At least, that’s when you’re supposed to have met him. Maybe you’re lying to me.”
“No, no,” Felix shakes his head, chuckling nervously. “Ah… That’s Changbin-hyung. He’s a street performer and I met him outside this coffee shop in September. We… we’ve gotten close, I’d like to think. I dunno. He’s great, and he’s a great performer, and I love spending time with him, and-” Felix cuts himself off and drops his hands to his sides. “Yeah. He’s cool.”
Professor Kim searches Felix’s gaze and face, biting his lower lip. “Alright, I’m saying this not as your teacher, but- you talk about him like my son talks about the girl he has a crush on.”
“I-”
“You don’t have to defend yourself.” The professor’s gaze is comforting, and Felix quiets, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He feels strangely vulnerable, here in this classroom, alone besides his teacher. Professor Kim nods reassuringly. “I just want to let you know that the photos you put into your final photo essay won’t be shared with the class unless you say they can be. That’s… that’s all, Felix.” He ejects the memory stick and presses it into the palm of Felix’s hand.
Felix only blinks, nods, and slips his memory stick into his pocket. He stands, and he leaves, muttering a soft goodbye as he steps outside the classroom.
A part of him shivers at his words, and a part of him warms.
DECEMBER 6
WAITING, WAITING
“Dude, all I’m saying is that Korean sounds way nicer than English.” Hyunjin speaks loudly as he waits for Felix to finish taking books out of his bag and putting them in his locker. Felix is knelt on the ground, backpack open in between his legs- he was cursed with a bottom locker- and at this, he looks up to scowl at Hyunjin, who’s leaning against the lockers with a smug smile on his face.
“That’s just not fair,” Felix bites back, shoving his textbook into his bag and forcefully zipping it closed. “There are so many different types of English. American accents are gross, I’ll give you that, but-”
“I like American accents,” Seungmin pipes in, who’s leaning on the lockers on the other side of Felix, arms crossed.
“Not the point, man. British accents are nice. Australian accents, though?” Felix pauses to smile up at the other two boys. “Australian accents are fuckin’ hot.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re Australian,” Jeongin’s face morphs into a teasing smile. He’s behind Seungmin, chin hooked over the older boy’s shoulder. Felix closes his locker and stands up, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.
“I mean,” Felix says, pausing. “Yeah. But also, like, Australian accents are superior.”
They begin to walk down the hallway, moving with the flow of the students. Someone pushes into Felix’s shoulder and he frowns after them, turning back to the other three boys. Hyunjin shrugs as they step out of the school and onto the street. “Yeah, sure, Australian accents are nice or whatever, but I’m not talking about accents, I’m talking about- oh.” Hyunjin trails off and stares at a point over Felix’s shoulder. Felix watches as Jeongin and Seungmin look too, their eyebrows raising.
Felix makes a face. “What?”
Seungmin cocks one eyebrow and, with a smug smile, says, “Turn around, Felix.”
And so he does. And there stands Changbin, leaning against a car, earbuds in and beanie low on his head. He looks really cool, tapping something out on his phone, and other students glance at him as they walk past. Felix frowns a bit when a girl giggles behind her hand to her friend and approaches him, tapping him on the shoulder with one manicured finger. Felix can’t hear the conversation over the noise of kids leaving school on a Friday afternoon, but he watches with a strange feeling in his stomach when Changbin pulls out an earbud, face kind of bored, and smiles disjointedly at her when she says something, smiling shyly at him.
Felix can hear Hyunjin say “Hey, she’s kind of cute,” behind him. He continues to watch on, not even stopping to think as to why Changbin would even be here to begin with. He sees Changbin shake his head, and say something to her, to which she golds one hand up to her mouth, eyes wide, and backs away from him. Changbin smirks, and looks up and around, suddenly making eye contact with Felix. Felix’s gut sinks. Changbin gestures in Felix’s direction while saying something else to the girl, who can’t seem to move or talk or anything at all, and then waves at her, cheerfully stepping away and through the ever-thinning bustle of students to stop in front of Felix.
“Hey,” Changbin says, casual as ever.
“Uh… hey?” Felix blinks a couple times. “What are you doing here?”
“You wanna get coffee?” Changbin says, completely disregarding Felix’s question. He takes his other earbud out of his ear and wraps them around his phone absentmindedly. “Junhee said he owes me a free coffee because I set him up with this girl, so I figured we could go together. I like getting coffee with you.” He tucks his phone into his pocket, tips of his ears reddening. “Like, as friends. Or something.”
“Yeah,” Felix draws out the word slightly, eyes narrowing. “What- What happened with that girl? What did you say to make her go all…” Felix holds up his hands and gestures. “Frozen?”
Changbin laughs a little too brightly to be real. “Ah, it was nothing. No matter.” He takes Felix by the elbow. “Let’s go, okay?”
Felix stops and turns around to say something to the other three boys but when he does, they’re already gone. He closes his mouth and turns back to Changbin and nods, and lets himself be lead away by the crook of his elbow.
(As Changbin approaches, Seungmin grabs Hyunjin and Jeongin by the arms and quietly tugs them away, shushing Jeongin’s protests. Hyunjin chokes back a giggle and they step away from Felix, down the street. As soon as they’re out of earshot, Hyunjin laughs loudly.
“Oh man, I wonder what the dude said to make that girl freeze up,” He says through laughs, ignoring the amused glances the other two are sending him.
Jeongin shrugs, sympathetic smile on his face. He jerks his head towards something ahead of them as they walk. “I dunno, but she looks kind of traumatized.”
They all turn to look at the girl as they approach her. She’s standing close to the wall of the school, talking to a friend, eyes wide with shock and mouth moving quickly. When they get close enough, Seungmin stops and taps her on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he says, voice soft and polite. “But would you mind telling me what that boy said to you?”
The girl eyes him warily before narrowing her eyes towards where Changbin and Felix are talking. “Well, I was- you know, I was trying to get his number, or whatever, and then he says, oh, I’m waiting for my boyfriend, and-” She breaks off, disgust clear in her words.
Hyunjin fights back protectiveness for his friend and Changbin and instead prompts her. “And then?”
She shoots him a look and then shrugs. “He said the boy he was waiting for was just over there.” She points. “The kid he’s talking to now.”
“Okay, great, thanks,” Jeongin says, and leaves, Seungmin and Hyunjin in tow.
"Boyfriend, huh?" Hyunjin grins. “This is fuckin’ great.”)
DECEMBER 6
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Felix ends up walking from the coffee shop with Changbin, bundled tight to protect from the late fall chill. They walk in relative silence. The street is almost empty, as it’s almost six o’clock and nobody really wants to be outside on a cold autumn Friday.
Felix burrows his hands, clenched into fists, farther into the pockets of his hoodie. It’s all he has on over his shirt, underestimating how cold it would be later in the day. He swallows and shivers some, continuing to walk quietly,
He can see Changbin shoot him a concerned glance from where they walk by side. “Is that all you have?” Changbin says, voice low and questioning.
Felix nods. “Yeah.”
“Are you warm enough?”
“Yeah,” Felix repeats, but shivers intensely as the words leave his mouth, betraying him.
Changbin furrows his brow, but then looks down and kicks a stone as they walk past. “Did you know the most heat leaves the body through the top of the head?” “Is that so?” His teeth are chattering now.
Changbin hums in affirmation. “Yeah. I’m not gonna, like, give you my jacket, because that’s sappy and also I would be cold too, but, uh-” Changbin stops walking, grabbing onto Felix’s arm to prompt him to stop as well.
Changbin turns to face him and tugs his beanie off his head, mussing his hair with his hand. Felix holds his breath, willing his face not to redden as Changbin leans closer to him, placing the beanie on Felix’s head and pulling it down so it covers his ears. Changbin’s tongue is poking slightly out of the side of his mouth, and Felix wills himself not to choke on his own spit. Changbin takes a step back and looks Felix up and down. There’s a blush high on his cheekbones and on the tips of his ears and Felix can’t really tell if it’s from the cold or something else, but
Changbin’s teeth capture his bottom lip and he says quietly, “You look good.”
“I- Uh-” Felix stammers. He can feel warmth forming in his cheeks. He fidgets where he’s standing still in the middle of the sidewalk. “Thanks, hyung.”
“Yeah,” Changbin nods stiffly and jams his hands in his pockets, turning forward. They start to walk again, still silent, but this time there’s a weird tension radiating off of Changbin that Felix can’t quiet place.
“You always look good,” Changbin says, so quietly that Felix almost misses it, but he does catch it and falters in his steps. He looks over at Changbin with wide eyes, but the other boy is staring pointedly at the ground in front of him, face neutral save for the blush in the tips of his ears.
Felix swallows. “You too, hyung.”
Is this flirting? Is Changbin into him? Felix can’t tell, but there’s butterflies forming in his stomach at the thought of it. It’s no secret that Felix finds Changbin attractive in a weird way, his too-big nose and slightly too-small eyes endearing to him, but he hadn’t entertained the idea of catching feelings at all.
Thinking back, though, Felix can pinpoint exactly where those types of feelings started, and his stomach plummets. There was a moment once, when they were getting coffee, and Changbin had taken Felix’s pen and drew the two of them together (horribly) on a paper napkin. It was a crude cartoon drawing, heads too big and noses too small, but Felix can remember looking at the wide smile on Changbin’s face as he laughed at a messed up detail in the drawing, and the butterflies in his stomach that threatened to erupt along with a heat that he hasn’t felt since… a long, long time ago.
Changbin clears his throat next to him and Felix swears he stops breathing when Changbin utters, “Can I tell you something, and can you promise it won’t affect whatever this,” Changbin motions between them with his hands, “is?”
“Of course, hyung,” Felix says, not daring to turn and face Changbin as they walk. He’s not even sure where they’re going, and has just been following Changbin this whole time. Changbin takes a breath next to him. “I think you’re really cute,” Changbin starts, and cuts Felix off when Felix tries to say something. “Don’t- just listen, okay? Felix nods, and Changbin lets out a breath, the air in front of his mouth and nose fogging with steam. His eyes close, and Felix resists the urge to reach out and guide him by his elbow so he doesn’t bump into anything or stumble.
“You-” Changbin starts, but stops, creasing his forehead. “I’m not good at this.”
“It’s okay,” Felix says, voice soothing. His heart is racing- he’s sure Changbin can hear it, even over the sound of wind dancing around them.
Changbin swallows, eyes still closed, walking blindly. “I didn’t really know… what was happening, at first. It’s been a strange couple of months. After I met you, I wanted to be friends, or whatever, you know? But then- I- fuck. Uh. I started feeling- things, I guess, and like, started wanting our coffee outing things to be, like, dates.”
Changbin stops walking and opens his eyes, looking at Felix. “I totally thought I was straight until I met you, and that sounds really cliché, or- fu-”
“Hyung,” Felix stops him, stepping close to him. “I’d- I’d like that. You know, like- dates. And stuff.”
They’re both bad at this.
“Yeah?” Changbin grins, a shy soft thing that turns Felix’s heart to liquid.
Felix softly smiles back. “Yeah.”
They share eye contact for a moment, until Changbin mutters a shy “okay” and they begin walking again quietly. Felix doesn’t dare speak, afraid it will ruin whatever mood is brewing between them- one that’s simultaneously chilled like winter and hot like a wildfire, sending strange tingles up Felix’s spine.
“Do you wanna come over to mine?” Changbin says, voice still vulnerable. Felix hasn’t really seen this side of him, all soft and open.
“Okay.”
DECEMBER 7
IN WHICH FELIX DIES
Metaphorically, of course.
It’s like, 2am, or something. They’re sprawled across Changbin’s mattress. His room is small and sparsely furnished, the older having an apartment of his own since he’s graduated. His mattress is on the floor, no bed frame to be seen. There’s a laptop plugged into the wall next to it, and underneath is a phone charger where Felix has plugged his phone in. There’s a light, and little else- aside from a small dresser against the wall which has drawers halfway pulled out, clothes hanging off the edges.
Felix raises his camera to take another photo, and he can see Changbin look up from his phone and glare at the camera. Felix giggles and takes the shot, to which Changbin’s scowl turns amused, and he chuckles, looking back down at his phone. Felix takes a couple shots in succession as Changbin glances up again from under his eyelashes and then shakes his head, his shoulders moving with silent laughter.
Felix lowers the camera, chewing on his lip, finger tapping against the shutter button. “You’re cute.”
Changbin groans, falling back onto the bed, dropping his phone and covering his face. “Shut up, oh my god-”
“Get used to it,” Felix teases, pulling his camera off from around his neck and placing it next to the mattress. He shifts around so he’s sitting cross legged, hitting Changbin’s leg playfully. Changbin stops groaning and looks at Felix through a gap in his fingers. “Hey,” He says.
“Yeah,” Felix hums, cocking his head to the side.
Changbin pauses. “You should, like, go on a date with me.”
“Is that so?”
Changbin hums in affirmation, his hands still covering his face. (Felix can still see blush burning along his collarbones and on the tips of his ears.)
“Well,” Felix smiles. “I guess I gotta, then.”
“Damn right,” Changbin grumbles, and sits up, hands sliding off his face. His cheeks are a pale pink. Felix chooses not to comment on that.
Felix laughs, and looks at Changbin, who’s checking his phone again. Changbin- he’s not beautiful, but standards of media and such, but he’s attractive in a strange sort of way. His cheekbones high, his nose slightly too big, his jawline defined- Felix thinks that if there was a dictionary with the words “Felix’s Type” in it, Changbin’s photo would be underneath.
“What time is it?” Felix asks. The lights outside are scarce, now, only a dim haze filtering through the window in shades of purple. The light is on in Changbin’s room, but it’s weak, and everything is kind of washed out in shades of yellow and purple.
“About 2:45,” Changbin says, voice absentminded. He locks his phone and looks up at Felix. “D’you wanna stay? It’s late, and you don’t have school tomo-”
“Yeah,” Felix breathes, a little too quickly. “I’d like that.”
“Cool,” Changbin smiles. “Let me get you, like, a shirt to sleep in, or something.”
“Yeah,” Felix murmurs. “Cool.”
DECEMBER 7
6:36PM
group chat: fantastic 4
hyunjinnn
Today on fantastic 4: Where is Felix?
seungmin!
this is a good question
he hasn’t been replying to my texts
what about you
hyunjinnn
Nope not mine either
Wasn’t he with that Changbin dude
?
seungmin!
!!!!!!!
jeongin-ah
!!!!!!!
hyunjinnn
!!!!!!!
seungmin!
!!!!!!!
jeongin-ah
!!!!!!!
hyunjinnn
!!!!!!!
seungmin!
!!!!!!!
jeongin-ah
!!!!!!!
hyunjinnn
!!!!!!!
felix
what
hyunjinnn
He’s ALIVE
jeongin-ah
where were u hyung
felix
i stayed at changbin’s last night
hyunjinnn
Spill the tea honey
felix ur annoying omg
seungmin!
ok but seriously!
what happened!
felix
we went to junhee's coffee shop
jeongin-ah
what’s that
seungmin!
the coffee place i took you guys in the beginning of the year
jeongin-ah
oh ok
continue
felix
and then it was like kind of late + we were walking
hyunjinnn
Ha gay
jeongin-ah
stfu uglie
hyunjinnn
EXCUSE U
seungmin!
felix just. continue
felix
ok so yea we were walking and like.
he said i always looked good
and then i was like ahhh but not out loud u feel
and THEN HE!!!!basically like
hyunjinnn
Bruh how Felix getting more compliments than me I??? Rude
seungmin!
hyunjin i stg
felix
he confessed to me and invited me over to his apartment and we ate cup noodles and i took photos of him and we watched finding nemo and he didn’t even care when i cried
hyunjinnn
!!!!!!!
seungmin!
!!!!!!!
jeongin-ah
!!!!!!!
hyunjinnn
BRUH!
seungmin!
feliX !!!
jeongin-ah
ahHHH hes a keeper yes i approve !!
wait wdym confessed
felix
he. told me he had feelings for me
hyunjinnn
!!!!!!!
seungmin!
!!!!!!!
jeongin-ah
!!!!!!!
felix
yea !! and i told him i liked him back and we’re going on a date !!!
seungmin!
!!! i am so happy for you felix:)
jeongin-ah
when’s the date!!!
felix
next friday
hyunjinnn
Isn’t that friday the 13th
felix
why u gotta kill my vibes like that
seungmin!
doesn’t matter it’s gonna be awesome and i’m so happy for you guys
felix
thank u i still can’t. believe it
jeongin-ah
this is so Exciting ahh
hyunjinnn
I know right Felix might finally have his first kiss
felix
i hate u
DECEMBER 13
A DISPUTE OVER DESSERT
“Hey, I’m downstairs.” Changbin’s voice crackles over the line.
Felix smiles and shrugs his jacket on, giving himself a once over in the mirror in his room. “Okay, I’m coming, gimme a sec.”
Felix brushes past his parents and out of their apartment, calling a ‘goodbye’ in English to his family, not giving them any explanation to where he’s going. He can hear his mom start to call after him, but he shuts the door, not locking it, and speedwalks past the elevator, opting for the stairs. (The elevator is like, a hundred years old, and takes six minutes to get to the lobby. Felix lives on the fifth floor. He’s gotten stuck in it, like, eight times, and would rather not take that risk right now, thank you very much.)
Changbin lowers the phone from his ear when he locks eyes with Felix as he comes down the stairs. A small smile flushes across Changbin’s face and he locks his phone, tucking it into his pocket. Felix stops in front of him, a exhales softly, smiling at the other boy.
“Hey,” He says.
“Hey.” Changbin shuffles his feet, looking away for a second. “I don’t have a lot of money, so I hope you’re okay with vendor food.”
Felix is more than okay. They get hweori gamja, and the ahjumma there gives them each one free one, to which Felix laughs brightly. They eat their hweori gamja as they walk, talking about nothing and everything, Changbin stopping Felix excitedly so they can get hotteok. The food is warm in the December chill, and as they laugh and talk, food long gone, the sky turns from pinks and oranges to deep navy, stars flecking the cloudless expanse.
“I want bungeoppang,” Changbin says decisively. He’s loosened up a lot, nose and cheeks red from the cold. He turns to look at Felix, who raises his eyebrows. Changbin nods. “Let’s get bungeoppang.”
“I’m not sure if I should say this, hyung, but,” Felix says, an anxious smile on his face. He fiddles with the zip of his jacket. “I don’t know what that is, I’ve never-”
“You’ve never had bungeoppang?” Changbin looks a mix of shocked and disappointed. Felix smiles at him sheepishly. The older shakes his head and stands up from where they’re seated on a bench. “I can’t believe you call yourself Korean. Come on, we’re getting you bungeoppang.”
Felix laughs and takes the outstretched hand, using it as leverage to stand up.
(Their hands don’t part the whole walk to find a vendor selling bungeoppang, not that Felix notices. Or cares. Whatever.)
Bungeoppang, as it turns out, is sweet red bean paste in a fish shaped (why? Felix doesn’t know) pastry. It’s surprisingly good, as Felix tells Changbin.
“I know,” Changbin says, a smug tone to his words. Felix rolls his eyes.
“Have you ever had a lamington?”
Changbin scrunches his nose. “A what?”
Felix smiles widely. “When you come over to my apartment, I’m making you try lamington.”
DECEMBER 16
11:21PM
changbinnie hyung
what do u want for christmas
asking for a friend
felix
yea ok
changbinnie hyung
answer!!!
felix
don’t want anything !!
changbinnie hyung
lame
DECEMBER 17
LAMINGTON
Changbin ends up liking the lamington.
He comes over after his show, the last one until January. Chan and Jisung come along too, and Felix only laughs when their eyes light up at the prospect of a new dessert, inviting them over too. Changbin pouts, but only for a second, and then he lets a small smile spread across his face as he indignantly recounts the bungeoppang episode.
Felix’s dad is surprised to see more boys than two when they arrive at Felix’s tiny apartment, but he smiles widely, wiping his hands on his pants and bowing his head slightly.
“There’s enough for everyone,” He beams, stepping back into the kitchen. He emerges holding a plate with the small chocolate-dipped lamingtons on it, smile still plastered to his face. “You boys can go to Felix’s room, if you want.”
“Thanks, dad,” Felix says, and takes the plate, leading the other three down the small hallway to his bedroom. They settle into his room easily, the three other boys sprawling across his bed and floor like they’ve lived there for years.
“Lemme- I want-” Jisung grunts as he reaches over the edge of Felix’s bed where he’s lying down, straining to grab a lamington from the plate. Felix pushes the plate closer to him, and he grabs one, taking a cautious bite.
Chan and Changbin do the same, Felix watching on curiously, thigh burning where it’s pressed against Changbin’s. All three of them make eye contact, eyes wide.
“Coconut!” Chan says, his face excited. “Oh man, I remember these!”
“Yeah,” Felix laughs, and Changbin slaps him on the arm.
“This is really good,” he says. “Your dad bakes?”
“Mhm,” Felix hums. “Always has. Mum can’t cook at all.”
Jisung laughs. “I mean, same.” He pops the rest of the lamington in his mouth and grins at Felix mischievously. “So…” His eyes flick back and forth between Changbin and Felix, who delfates a little, blush painting his collarbones. “You two, huh?”
Neither of them answer, Felix embarrassed and Changbin sending his best death glare in the other boy’s direction. Chan cackles. “I never would have seen it coming.”
Felix shrugs. “Me either.”
“Are you guys, like,” Jisung squints, grabbing another lamington off the plate. “Boyfriends, or what?”
Felix stiffens, but Changbin answers for him. “Sure.”
Felix almost chokes on his lamington, coughing, face turning red. The other boys cackle loudly, Changbin smirking softly.
DECEMBER 25
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
“I told you not to get me anything!”
“Yeah, but you’re cute, so I did.”
“You realize I’m going to live in this hoodie every day, right?”
“That’s good.”
“I’m still upset you spent money-”
“I didn’t, it’s mine. Well- it was. Now it’s yours.”
“I- You’re never getting this back.”
“Yeah, kind of the point.”
“...Thanks, hyung.”
“Happy Christmas, Felix-ah.”
JANUARY 2
BACK TO SCHOOL
“The photo essay is due at the end of the semester, remember,” Professor Kim says, clapping his hands. He’s pacing across the front of the room, his lesson lying dormant behind him. “I might have said end of the year, actually.” He frowns. “I don’t really remember. Doesn’t matter. It’s due at the end of the semester which,” he pauses, looking up as if calculating something in his head. “If I’m not mistaken, that’s in less than two weeks. So!”
Felix jolts in his seat. It’s almost the end of the period and his head pounds, eyes dry. The professor’s voice is too loud for the classroom, too commandeering. Felix internally groans and forces his eyes open to look at the professor (despite nobody else doing so.)
“That means you must have chosen the photographs you will turn in. You can turn it in printed on photo paper- which, to be honest, is preferable, but I understand if you’re unable to print them- or turn it in online, but remember to make sure the layout is neat!” The professor pauses to glance at the clock, sighing when he does so. “Period’s over, you guys can go, I guess. Please do the assignment, for the love of god.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, the classroom stands, every student packing their bags quickly to leave. It’s last period and Felix slings his bag over his shoulder, leaving the room, following the tide of students as they file down the hallway.
There’s a tap on his shoulder and Felix turns his head, a little startled. Jeongin comes into view, smile wide, braces on full display. Felix can’t help but smile back. Behind Jeongin appear Seungmin and Hyunjin, who grin cheekily at him.
“Come with us to get coffee?” Seungmin says, falling into step beside Felix. “We’re going to that place I showed you guys in the beginning of the year.”
Felix hesitates, and Jeongin full on pouts, lower lip sticking out. “Please, hyung?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, okay,” Felix rolls his eyes, and Jeongin lets out a small triumphant noise, immediately latching onto Felix’s sleeve.
It’s fuckin’ cold, and Felix shivers violently when he steps out of the school building. He huddles deeply into his jacket, pulling his beanie farther down over his ears.
When they get to the shop, the door is shut tight and the windows are fogged up. The street is quieter than usual, probably something to do with sleeping off the new-year hangover and the early January chill that seeps through into your bones. Felix tugs on the door of the coffee shop, lugging it open, sighing contently when the warm air and aroma of coffee beans hits his face.
“You guys go order, I’ll get us our table,” Felix throws over his shoulder, smiling when Jeongin sends him an exaggerated thumbs up. He turns around, eyes setting on where their normal circle of armchairs is, and-
There are four boys sitting there instead. They’re lounging around with their feet up on the table, laughing at an unheard joke, and Felix’s jaw hangs loose a little.
“Oh, hey Felix,” One of the boys says, and three heads turn around to look at him.
Felix smiles bewilderedly. “Hi, Chan-hyung.”
Chan smiles, and Felix nods, turning around to find another circle of chairs, but another voice stops him. “Yah.” Felix turns to face them again, trying not to blush at Changbin looking at him.
“Why don’t you just pull some chairs over here? We don’t mind.”
“Bring over three,” Jisung says.
Felix furrows his brow. “Wha- Why only three?”
“Because,” Jisung snorts. “I’m sure Changbinnie-hyung over here wouldn’t mind sharing with you.”
“Aish, brat,” Changbin says through gritted teeth, kicking Jisung. Felix stifles a giggle.
“I’ll just bring over four, thanks.” He lugs over four chairs, one by one, and fits them into the circle, now made of eight chairs. Felix sighs and flops into the chair next to Changbin’s, totally not noticing the way their feet are pressed together.
He looks up, tuned out of the conversation between Jisung and Chan and the other kid-
“Minho-hyung?” Felix laughs incredulously.
Minho turns away from the other two and smiles gently. “Hey, Felix-ah.”
“I didn’t know you…” Felix gestures with his hands at the other three boys, who're trying to see how long Jisung can chug his hot coffee before his mouth burns completely.
“Knew these idiots?” Minho laughs, finishing the sentence. “Yeah, uh- I was friends with Binnie and then he never got rid of me. I sang on a couple of their tracks, too. Like, backing vocals. Yeah.”
“That’s so cool, hyung,” Felix’s eyebrows rise. “I sing sometimes, too, but like- I rap. Also. I dunno, I haven’t really tried music all that much. More of a photography kid.”
Minho hums at the moment that Felix’s three friends come back with drinks in their hands. “Woah, woah, we got a party,” Hyunjin says, setting down his coffee. “Don’t think we’ve, like, properly met you guys, right? You’re the kids who perform outside?”
“Yeah,” Chan says. “I’m-”
“Wait,” Hyunjin says. “I wanna try and guess. Okay, uh-”
“You’ve gotta be Chan,” Jeongin cuts in, pointing to Chan. “You seem Australian. Felix kept talking about another Australian he met.”
Chan laughs, shooting a glance at Felix, who sinks into his seat, embarrassed. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“And you’re…” Seungmin squints at Jisung. “You introduced yourself at one of the shows as J.One, right?” Jisung nods, and Seungmin hums. “Jiseung? Ji-”
“Jisung,” Said boy bites back a laugh. “I’m Jisung.”
Seungmin nods, and then Jeongin smirks widely. “And you must be-”
“Changbinnie-hyung,” Hyunjin speaks in a false falsetto, fluttering his lashes. “Wah, so cool!”
Changbin looks at him with a blank face, and then at Felix, who shrugs, trying to hide the furious blush in the tips of his ears. Minho introduces himself and so do Felix’s three friends, and soon enough, they’re all laughing and talking as if they’re old friends. It’s a little weird for Felix to be watching, to be honest- his three friends from school talking to his kind of-almost-boyfriend and his rapper friends and also Felix’s tutor, sitting and drinking coffee together.
“Hey, you alright?” Changbin speaks softly, leaning towards Felix over the arm of his chair. Felix turns his head and then they’re close, so close, noses an inch apart.
Felix doesn’t move. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“You sure?” There’s an edge of concern to Changbin’s words and Felix smiles softly, humming in affirmation. Changbin lets the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. “Hey,” He says, tilting his head to the side, voice still low to be heard over the chatter from around them. “You wanna stay over tonight?”
“Yeah,” Felix breathes, a grin stretching across his face.
Hyunjin’s voice cuts between the two loudly. “They’re so close to each other, woah-”
“What the fuck,” Jisung says. “What the fuck, is this even allowed-”
“Let’s not quote vines, thanks,” Minho says, though a smile is present on his face. “But, uh, I have to get to the library, it’s kind of late.”
“Yeah, I should get home anyway,” Chan sighs. Their coffees are all long forgotten, empty, and cold where they rest on the table in the center of their ring of chairs. Sure enough, it’s darkening rapidly outside, and the barista named Junhee who lets 3RACHA perform outside is already cleaning the nearby tables.
Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin stand up. “This was fun,” Seungmin says. “You guys are cool.”
“Yeah,” Jeongin says, holding up a fist. “Let’s all do this again.”
“Sure, kid,” Chan laughs gently, and Felix can’t help but smile at the way they’re all so damn soft for the youngest of the group.
“You coming with us?” Hyunjin directs his words towards Felix, who’s still sitting.
Felix smiles sheepishly. “Uh- I’m gonna stay over at hyung’s tonight.” He accentuates his words with a jerk of his chin towards Changbin, who holds up a lazy hand. Hyunjin laughs obnoxiously and says something about protection, but is cut off by Seungmin, who grabs him by the wrist and drags him out of the shop.
They all disperse after a while, Minho leaving and then Jisung and Chan, leaving Felix and Changbin to clean up after them and arrange the chairs back where they found them.
By the time they get to Changbin’s house, it’s completely dark. The city is lit up by dim lights from apartment windows and traffic lights, sickly yellow street lights casting dancing shadows across brick walls. They walk one foot in front of the other, taking time in the cold, hands laced together in the unnecessarily big pocket of Changbin’s jacket.
It’s a peaceful night. They eat cup ramyeon for dinner, Changbin insisting on cooking for Felix. When they make their way into Changbin’s room, Felix teases him for the green plushie resting on his bed, to which Changbin had muttered defensively. Lying on their stomachs in front of Changbin’s laptop on his mattress they eat, talking over the movie playing quietly in the background as if it’s not even on. Felix lets his eyes wander over the slopes and planes of Changbin’s face, the way the muted moonlight from the window next to them makes his eyes almost sparkle in a way they only do when he’s performing.
“Hyung,” Felix says after swallowing his last sip of broth from the bottom of his bowl. He puts his bowl next to the mattress on the floor, resting his chin on the heel of his hand. He looks over at Changbin, who hums in response. “I’m confused, hyung.”
Changbin furrows his brow at Felix’s words. “How so?”
“Well,” Felix frowns, looking down at the folds of the fitted sheet across the mattress. “I like you a lot, hyung. And, like, when Chan-hyung and Jisungie asked if we were boyfriends, you said sure. But,” Felix breaks off, gathering his thoughts. “You- you said you weren’t used to liking boys, or something. Are you straight? What- what’s going on here?” Felix refrains from asking what are we and instead tries to convey the thoughts that have been rotting away his core in a way that won’t be cliche or anything. It feels silly to be asking him this, but-”
Changbin clears his throat. “I’m gonna kiss you, now.”
“Okay,” Felix breathes, and then Changbin leans over his now empty bowl of ramyeon, moving it to the floor, and cups Felix’s face in one hand, softly pressing their lips together. Felix responds immediately, lips moving with the older boy’s in a startlingly synchronized manner. Changbin flicks his tongue over the seam of Felix’s lips and Felix squeaks in surprise when they part, allowing Changbin to lick into his mouth with ease.
It becomes less sweet and more hungry, Felix pulling on Changbin’s shirt until Changbin rolls him over on top of him, Felix straddling Changbin’s waist and supporting himself with his elbows on either side of Changbin’s head. Changbin moves down to suck at Felix’s neck, tongue lathing over a spot just under his ear, and Felix can’t help but keen, fists tightening in Changbin’s shirt.
“Hyung,” Felix breathes as Changbin sucks lightly on a spot right next to the first. “Hyung.”
“Mm,” Changbin hums over the skin, nosing at Felix’s jaw before pressing another kiss to it.
Felix lets out a stuttering, breathy chuckle, pulling away to look at Changbin. He looks messy, hair mussed from where Felix grabbed it, lips red and shiny and swollen. His eyes are blow wide and his cheeks are flushed high up in his cheekbones, breath and heartbeat slightly more irregular than usual. He looks beautiful in the washed out tones of the pale moonlight filtering through the window. Felix swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. “Fuckin’ date me, hyung.”
“Okay,” Changbin grins back, and pulls Felix down by the back of his neck to kiss him again.
JANUARY 17
FALLING: A PHOTO ESSAY
Felix gets an A on his photo essay.
With January 17th comes the end of the semester, and so Felix turns in his photo essay. He gets his grade back with high marks, his professor announcing to the class that Felix’s photo essay is one of, if not the best he’s seen in his years of teaching high school.
Felix’s photo essay tells a story, you see.
It shows a boy, frozen in time, speaking into a mic in the warm hues of September. It shows his eyes closed, hand up, speaking a line with fire and smoke and crackling intensity that burns into the photo. It shows the same boy, different outfit, rapping again, eyes glaring straight into the eyes of the viewer, feral growl on his face.
It shows a boy, standing in the middle of the street. He looks closed off, face blank, eyes staring forwards. He’s got his earbuds in his ears, hands jammed deep into the pockets of his jacket, hood up and hat tugged low down over his face. There’s an aura of chill surrounding him and the photograph- the people around him part like a river parting around a boulder.
It shows the boy, coffee in his hands. His face is softer, somehow, but still guarded. The windows of the coffee shop are fogged and there’s people outside with scarves bundled over their faces but the boy is warm, eyes warm.
It shows the boy, vendor food in his hands, illuminated by light coming from a nearby vendor, orange tarp lit up. His eyes are down and he’s smiling a little, face soft again, though not vulnerable- just a soft sort of happy, the kind of happy you are when you truly don’t mind being where you are.
It shows the moments in between- the boy looking up at the stars, or his lips twitching upwards into a tiny smile with a dandelion in his hair, or his hands as they write in his little notebook. The boy walking ahead, sleeping quietly, staring at the camera with snowflakes in his eyelashes.
Lastly it shows the boy tangled in his sheets in the early morning. His back is bare, face buried into his white pillowcase, everything washed out and pale and serene. 6am sunlight highlights the dips and curves of his shoulders and spine, his skin smooth and unblemished, hair splayed around his head like a dark halo. You can’t see his face, but you know that it’s devoid of tension or lines, just smooth and peaceful.
And Felix finds that Changbin taught him to fall, and he wouldn’t change that for the world.