Chapter Text
She found herself outside that dark wooden door again, just like all the other dozens of times she’d come here, except then her stomach had been tied into nervous knots for a different reason. It had been weeks since they’d defeated Reign, and Kara hadn’t seen Lena since then. Well, not since she’d seen her at the hospital, her tearstained face pale and angry as she sat beside Sam, who was unconscious and hooked up to machines, the wires snaking out from under the thin hospital gown. Lena had taken one look at Kara, still wearing her Supergirl suit and covered in the blood of their friend in the bed, and had told her to get out. Kara hadn’t even had the chance to explain herself, she’d just been confronted with anger and harsh words that had made her flinch as if she’d been slapped in the face by each of them. She’d tried reasoning with Lena, but she’d just broke down crying and told Kara to go, and defeated, Kara had gone, her cape swishing around her as she walked outside, fighting back tears as she walked through the front doors and took off into the night. That had been the last time they’d seen each other.
Kara would be lying if she said she hadn’t come here often, her feet leading her to the front doors of the building every few days as her mind drifted to Lena, but she hadn’t been able to find the courage to go inside. Instead, she’d stand there on the sidewalk, craning her head back as she stared up at the top of the building, listening to the steady heartbeat inside the penthouse. She could picture Lena there, all alone in her apartment - probably in the armchair by the window - her hair falling around her shoulders after a day of being up in a tight knot, wearing one of her faded sweaters from MIT and enjoying a glass of wine, an episode of Homeland on the TV while she ate the dinner she'd cooked for herself. It used to be Kara up there with her, after a long day at CatCo, laughing as they talked, and her heart soaring at all of the gentle touches and soft smiles Lena reserved for her. Now it was someone else; it was Sam. Kara wasn’t naïve, and she knew her feelings for Lena were deeper than she had ever admitted to anyone except herself, and she knew that Lena’s feelings towards her were verging on the edge of a little more than friendly too. Except Lena had Sam too, and the three of them had been in some awkward game of tug of war as Lena had indecisively drifted between the two of them, unsure of who she had stronger feelings for. The showdown with Reign had made her mind up for her though, and she’d picked Sam. Not in a romantic way - not yet - but Lena had picked Sam over Kara. Occasionally, Kara would hear her heartbeat up in the apartment too, and it hurt to think that she could’ve been in her place, but she’d messed everything up.
Now she was here to apologise. She had to do it; it had been eating away at her for weeks. Kara had left without an explanation, had quit her job, and had avoided talking about Lena with anyone else. The only time she’d come even close to seeing her was when she’d gone to a restaurant they’d frequented during their lunch breaks, and she’d almost been too distracted talking to Alex to hear the familiar heartbeat, but as her hand had fallen on the door handle, her face had gone bone white with realisation, and she’d abruptly turned around and left, leaving her sister calling after her. The last few weeks had given her time to pull herself together though, and to figure out what she wanted to say, even if it wasn’t going to be easy to say it. The thing was that they’d never explicitly said that they had feelings for each other, but it had been there, unspoken, in the way that they looked at each other, or the way that Lena brought her soup when she thought that Kara was sick, when really she’d just burned out her powers. It was there in the way that Kara said her name, or would bring her donuts when she came to sit down on Lena’s couch and listen to whatever was bothering her. If Kara hadn’t been too scared that Lena would reject her in favour of Sam, Kara would’ve told her about her feelings a long time ago, but she hadn’t and now it was too late. The only thing she could do now was be honest with Lena. Taking a deep breath, Kara raised her fist and knocked on the door, feeling her heart thud loudly in her chest. The sound of the TV being muted reached her ears, followed by Lena’s shout.
“Sam? It’s open, just let yourself in,” Lena called out, and Kara felt herself go weak at the knees at the sound of her voice. She couldn’t do this; she wouldn’t be able to bear the look of hatred in Lena’s eyes as she looked at her. Shaking her head and drawing in a shuddering breath, Kara hitched her bag up higher on her shoulder and turned around to leave. Quick footsteps padded towards the door, and she quickened her pace as the sound of the door opening reached her ears, but she wasn't quick enough. “Kara.”
Pausing, Kara slowly turned around, her eyes filling with tears at the sight of Lena, taking in the cold beauty of her as she gave her a hard look. “Lena,” Kara choked out, her tongue feeling thick in her mouth. That was all that she could manage to get out, and she looked down at her shoes, fiddling with the cuff of her cardigan as she swallowed the lump in her throat. The sound of the door hinges creaking reached her ears, and she looked up with a panicked look on her face, stumbling as she rushed forward to stop the door from closing in her face. This was her only chance to tell Lena, and she had to do what she came here to do. Up close, Kara could see the hurt in Lena’s green eyes, and the simmering anger beneath it as Lena looked up at her. “Please, I just- I want to explain- just give me a chance.”
“You had plenty of chances,” Lena hoarsely replied, her face all sharp angles and her jaw stubbornly jutting forward as she looked up at Kara, “you had months.”
“Please, Lena,” Kara begged, her voice wobbling as she blinked back tears, “just a few minutes. Afterwards … you’ll never have to see me again.”
Hesitating slightly, Lena nodded, stepping back and opening the door to let Kara pass by. She didn’t bother hanging the coat slung over one arm up, or take her shoes off and neatly leave them on the rack near the door. Her face was apologetic and pleading, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like she was about to watch everything fall apart as she followed Lena through to the kitchen. She was going to have her heart broken, and she deserved it. After all the times that Lena had let her in, Kara had never completely opened up to her – had never been fully honest – and that she knew that was what had sealed her fate with Lena. It wasn’t the fact that she was Supergirl, it was that she didn’t tell her. Leaning back against the kitchen counters, Lena crossed her arms over her chest, staring down at the oven door as she avoided looking at Kara. It was dark in the apartment, with only the flickering coming from the muted TV and the dim lights in the kitchen to illuminate them, and Kara wished that this was going to happen differently. She wished that she'd had the courage to ask Lena to meet her for coffee, or go to CatCo or L-Corp - she wasn't sure where Lena was these days - but the idea of Lena cutting her off had scared her.
“Well go on then. The Blacklist is on, so you’d better make it quick,” Lena stiffly told her.
Blinking back tears at the unfamiliar coldness of Lena’s tone, Kara cleared her throat, her mouth opening and closing uselessly. She’d rehearsed this moment in her mind – over and over again – but standing before Lena, it was different to how she’d imagined it. In her mind, Lena was still her Lena – warm and comforting, and the person who always had a quick smile and a witty remark for her friend – but this Lena wasn’t that person. She was cold and aloof, and Kara lingered at the end of the kitchen counters, scrambling for something to say. Just say sorry.
“I’m sorry,” Kara blurted out, ducking her head in embarrassment. She couldn’t bear to look into her eyes and see the anger, because those two words weren’t enough to make up for what she’d done. The harsh laugh that followed made Kara wince, and she could feel Lena’s eyes drilling into the top of her head. “I am. Truly, I am. I didn’t me-“
“Mean to hurt me? You were only trying to protect me? You were going to tell me eventually?” Lena listed off, laughing quietly, “have you ever told anyone? Clearly Alex knows, but …”
Kara nodded, glancing up quickly to take in the eyebrows furrowed in anger, and the muscle twitching in Lena’s jaw. “James figured it out straight away – he’s friends with my cousin,” Kara hoarsely replied, “and Winn … I told Winn.”
Letting out a sharp laugh that was too loud in the silent, dark room, Lena gave Kara a bitter smile, “you told Winn, who can’t keep a secret to save his life? How did you tell him?”
“I flew,” Kara softly said.
“Fly for me, right now,” Lena commanded her, and Kara gave her a wary look, nodding as she set her coat down on the counter and unslung her bag, before she floated two feet off the floor, her eyes locked onto Lena’s face, and touched back down a moment later, her shoes squeaking slightly on the marble floor. “It was that easy.”
Shaking her head, Kara swallowed thickly, her hopes that Lena would be understanding plummeting and the cold anger in her friend's voice. “It wasn’t. It wasn’t that easy, it was- it was terrifying to think about telling you. I-I would’ve though … eventually.”
Scoffing, Lena gave her a wry smile, “and I’m supposed to believe you?”
“I lied – I know I did – but I’m being honest now,” Kara said, taking a shuddering breath.
“That’s not how it works, Kara,” Lena snapped, “you know how I feel about lying. With everything with my family … you knew. You think I would’ve cared about you being an alien? Did you think that I would’ve left? How many times did I help you as Supergirl? You should’ve known better than that; I deserved better than that. I thought you trusted me.”
Stamping down the urge to cry as her eyes prickled with unshed tears, Kara breathed quickly, trying to calm herself down. Lena was right, and Kara hadn’t meant to hurt her, but that was the thing – she’d still hurt her, even if it had been unintentional. Perhaps that made it worse, because she loved Lena, and of course she would never intentionally hurt her, but at least if it had been intentional, Kara wouldn’t have felt so heartbroken. “I know. I know I failed you. Please, can’t you just- can you forgive me? I’m not asking you to let things go back the way they were – I know that’s too much to ask – but please, please forgive me. I know it’s all my fault but I … I don’t want to be without you. You’re my best friend.”
“Why?” Lena asked, a sad look in her eyes as she looked at Kara, “just tell me why you- what were you so afraid of? Why didn’t you tell me?”
And then Kara was crying, because Lena’s voice was breaking and she felt the stabbing pain in her heart as it broke at how much she’d hurt her friend. No, not friend – they were something more. That’s why she didn’t tell her, because she could’ve handled losing a friend when she told Winn, and she could handle people she trusted knowing too, but the thought of telling Lena, and having her walk away, had terrified Kara. Tell her. Tell her now. Closing her eyes, Kara bit back a sob as she wiped at her eyes, fixing her glasses when she made them lopsided, and wiping the smudge of mascara on her pants. Love shouldn’t have hurt this much, but it was hurting her to wrestle with the decision to tell Lena how she really felt. There had already been one too many lies though, and Kara looked up, meeting Lena’s surprisingly soft gaze, and gave her a sad smile as she tilted her head to the side.
“Because I love you,” Kara said, wiping away a tear as it slid down her cheek. Sniffing, she tried to even out her shaky breathing, her breath hitching every couple of moments as Lena stared at her in silence.
It was a few more moments before she swallowed thickly, looking down at the floor, “if you loved me … you wouldn’t have lied.”
Kara closed her eyes, more tears cutting a path through her makeup as they slid down her cheeks. “Please. You have to believe me. I love you, I do, and I know- I know you have Sam now, but I need … I need you to know. I know that you don’t need me anymore, and that sh-she can give you everything that I couldn’t, but I love you.”
Shaking her head, Lena let out a pent up breath, her shoulders seeming to hunch forward as if she was going to curl into herself. “Don’t.”
“Lena-“ Kara said, her voice cracking on her name as she took a step towards her, stopping in her tracks when Lena held out a hand to stop her.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Lena exclaimed, tears spilling down her own cheeks as her face crumpled in anguish. “We could’ve- I would’ve- fuck. She needs me, Kara, she doesn’t have anyone else. I can’t just- I care about her too.”
“How is she?” Kara quietly asked, wincing at the memories of what they’d done to each other as they came flooding back. Both of them had been in a bad way afterwards, having the strength to truly hurt each other, but once they’d purged Sam’s body of Reign, she’d been in critical condition. She wasn’t healing quickly anymore, and her body had struggled to process the damage that Kara had inflicted. It was a miracle she’d lived, and Kara had spent weeks feeling guilty about it. She wasn’t sure if Lena knew about the phone call, but Sam had phoned her – just once – and told Kara that she didn’t blame her. They’d been friends, all three of them, but with Lena feeling betrayed, it hadn’t been the same, and Kara hadn’t been able to face Sam either, even with the knowledge that Sam had forgiven her at least. Saving the city had only brought Kara weeks of loneliness, and she couldn’t help but think about how saving Sam by ridding her of Reign had only tore Lena straight out of her arms and into the wounded woman’s. At least Sam had never lied to her – she didn’t even know what had been happening to herself – so Lena was able to forgive her, and help nurse her back to health. Whatever had blossomed there, Kara wasn’t sure, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to face the sharp pain of rejection.
Lena braced herself against the kitchen counters, her dark hair falling around her face in a curtain, hiding her face from view. The tension in her shoulders was still visible though, and she sniffed as she wiped at her face, “she’ll be okay.”
“I-I never meant to hurt her,” Kara said in a tiny voice, with an urgency to it as she tried to assure Lena that she hadn’t meant for things to end up as badly as they had. She’d been just as worried about Sam too, and that made this whole situation worse, because Kara liked Sam. Not in the way Lena cared about her, but it still hurt to know she’d lost two friends because of this.
Weakly laughing, Lena shook her head, “I know. I know you didn’t, but you did. You should go now, Kara.”
Feeling panic well up inside, Kara took a hurried step towards her, her eyes wide and the thought of losing Lena becoming all too real as she watched her friend slip away before her very eyes. “Please, Lena, don’t leave me. I don’t- you’re all I have. You’re the only one who understands what it’s like, having families like ours. Please, I can’t let you go. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll do better.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” Lena murmured, “and you have Alex. You have other friends.”
“But I don’t love them the way I love you,” Kara tearfully replied, finding it hard to breathe. She didn’t get a response, but Lena’s shoulders were shaking slightly, and Kara knew that she was crying, and she had to know if there had ever been a chance between them. “Could you have- did you ever … feel the same?”
A part of her was praying for a firm no and a dismissive laugh, because then she would’ve known that no matter what she did, there would be no trying to win her back, but deep down, Kara didn’t have to ask. She knew. They’d both known before she’d even admitted it, and it was only going to make things hurt more to know that she’d ruined any chance they could’ve had of being together. All because she was too scared to tell her who she really was. The seconds ticked by and the only response she got from Lena was the quiet sniffs as she tried to stop crying, and Kara was rooted to the spot, her stomach roiling with the thought of losing the only person she’d ever felt so strongly about. There had been a time when she’d thought she’d loved James, and then Mon-El had come along and they’d tried, and having someone from another planet had been nice, but they both paled in comparison to Lena. She was everything to Kara, and she didn’t want to let go of her without a fight. This couldn’t be the end of it all – it hadn’t every really begun.
Eventually, Lena straightened up, flipping her hair off her shoulder and raising her chin as she stared at Kara. Her eyes were puffy in the dim light of the kitchen, and her damp cheeks glistened slightly where the tears had fallen, and Kara felt like she’d had the air knocked out of her lungs. She was as beautiful as ever, even in her sadness. “You know I did,” Lena said, giving her a sad smile, “and that’s why it hurts so much.”
Nodding, Kara grit her teeth as she smiled through the pain, her eyes welling up with tears. She could feel her throat closing up, and she had to clear her throat a few times before she could ever reply, her bottom lip trembling as she struggled to choke the words out. “I just had to know for sure,” she wistfully replied, misty-eyed as she thought about everything she had given up in favour of a secret, which had come out anyway when she’d fought Reign right in front of Lena. “I had to hear you say it, just once. It’s okay, I can let you go now. Just … tell her how you feel, okay? Don’t wait.”
Picking up her stuff, Kara quickly turned around, her face crumpling as she felt like she’d just torn her heart out of her chest. The worst part was that she meant her words too; she hoped that Lena was able to find happiness with Sam, because Kara would never begrudge her her happiness, and if she wasn’t the one to find it with, then she hoped it was someone as kind as Sam. She would take care of Lena; she could give Lena everything that Kara hadn’t. Taking a step towards the dark hallway, Kara stopped at the choked sob from behind her.
“Kara.”
Closing her eyes as more tears ran down her blotchy cheeks, Kara sniffed, waiting for Lena to say whatever she had to, and then Lena was gently touching her on the arm, jerking her around and bringing her lips down onto hers. Kara’s eyes flew open in surprise, and so did her mouth, giving Lena the opportunity to deepen the kiss, and it was better than Kara could have ever imagined. She could taste the bitter coffee Lena had been drinking, and her lips were soft and warm – even more so than Kara had daydreamed – and her eyes fluttered close as she melted into it, feeling Lena’s warm hands cup her cheeks.
They pulled back a few moments later, foreheads resting against each other, and their breathing ragged as they both tried to stop crying and catch their breath. Shifting her bag and coat into one arm, Kara reached up to gently wipe away the tears on Lena’s cheeks, feeling Lena’s hot breath on her cheek as she sharply exhaled. “Just … stay with me a moment,” Lena whispered, her breathing hitching slightly, “please. I need to- I need you just once.”
Kara unceremoniously dropped her coat and bag, her hands gently but firm as they picked Lena up in one fluid motion, the other girl’s legs winding around her waist, and Kara sat her down on the kitchen counter, their lips finding their way back to each other in a needy kiss. It wasn’t going to change anything, Kara knew that, but just for a moment, she wanted to know what it felt like to be Lena’s. She wanted to know what she had ruined for herself, just once. It didn’t matter if Lena went straight to Sam afterwards and professed her love for her, Kara only cared about right now, and how good it felt to have Lena’s hands tugging the hairband out of her hair and running her fingers through Kara’s blonde locks. There was a small pause when Lena plucked the glasses off Kara’s face, facing the reality of the fact that she was Supergirl, which was how they’d ended up in this position, but they’d just stared at each other for a heartbeat, Kara’s eyes sad, and Lena’s holding a spark of anger, before they’d come back together in a slightly rougher kiss.
Quietly moaning into the kiss as Lena ran her tongue along the roof of Kara’s mouth, she couldn’t help but tear herself away, Lena’s name falling from her lips in a soft sigh. And then Lena’s mouth was hot on her neck, biting and sucking as she kissed her way down to the collar of Kara’s shirt, while tears slid down Kara’s cheeks. Nimble fingers undid the first few buttons of Kara’s shirt, and Lena’s mouth was back, kissing along the exposed collarbone, her tongue leaving behind a wet trail as Kara’s fingernails gently dragged along the nape of Lena’s neck. Her heart was hammering, and she could hear Lena’s too, beating just as fast, and when Lena’s hands tore open the front of her shirt, Kara couldn’t help but pick up on the way it skipped slightly. Pulling off the cardigan and shirt, Kara began working on Lena’s old t-shirt, accidentally tearing it slightly in her hurry to get it off, before her lips fell to Lena’s pale neck, and the curved line of her exposed jaw, as Lena threw her head back. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, Kara held her steady as she peppered Lena’s neck, jaw, shoulders and chest with kisses. She wanted her lips to know every inch of her skin, while she had the chance, and she couldn’t stop the hot tears that dripped onto Lena’s skin, she didn’t want to stop, not even when Lena cupped her chin, tilting her head up to look her in eyes. A flicker of pain ran across Lena’s face, and Kara gently kissed her, gripping Lena’s thighs, making sure she didn’t hold her too tightly, even though she wanted to hold her as close as possible and never let her go.
At the tugging on her belt, Kara picked Lena up with ease, swiftly moving towards the bedroom that belonged to Lena, trying to keep her balance as Lena kissed her cheek, her earlobe, the hollow just behind her ear, where her jawbone ended, shivering at the pleasurable touches of Lena’s lips. Fumbling behind her for the door handle, Kara let the door swing open, before she kicked it shut and pushed Lena up against it, bringing their lips back together. Unwinding her legs from around Kara’s waist, Lena found her footing, a few inches shorter than Kara as she leant up into the kiss, her hands unbuckling the thin belt around Kara’s waist, before she tugged the zipper down. The feeling of Lena’s hands pushing her pants down made Kara’s breathing hitch, and she lifted her feet out as the pants pooled around her ankles, bracing herself against the door at the feeling of Lena’s lips brushing the inside of her thigh, just above the knee, and then up and up. Lena’s hands cupped Kara’s calves in her hands, gliding upwards over smooth skin with each kiss placed slightly higher than before, up over the waistband of her underwear, biting down on the sharp hipbone, before kissing up Kara’s toned stomach. Eyes closed, Kara couldn’t stop the small gasps at the feeling of Lena’s mouth and hands, wondering what else they could do, and then Lena’s mouth was back on hers, swallowing the surprised moan as Kara’s slightly parted lips opened more.
Lena undid the string of her sweatpants, quickly stepping out of them, and Kara scooped her up off her feet, carrying her over to the bed and gently laying her down on top of the covers, pushing decorative pillows out of the way as she kept her lips on Lena’s. Capable fingers undid her bra and Kara shrugged it off, while Lena pushed herself up just enough for Kara to undo hers. Taking her time, Kara let her hands trail over every inch of Lena, while Lena did the same to her, both of them cherishing the feeling of gentle fingers and soft skin, and the occasional brush of lips. Kara could’ve stayed like that forever, wrapped up in the feeling of Lena’s touch everywhere, and the knowledge that behind that there was love. She wasn’t sure it would still be there afterwards. It was all too much, and better than either of them could ever have imagined, but still not enough, and Kara pushed herself up, giving Lena a searching look which she wasn’t sure the other woman could see. The pause was enough though, and Lena played with the little hairs at the base of Kara’s neck, her fingers gentle as she whispered, “please.”
With shaking hands, Kara pushed her underwear down the smooth pale legs, tossing them aside as Lena shifted so that she was resting back on her elbows, her skin bathed white in the light from the moon. She reached out for Kara’s, toying with the waistband as she arched an eyebrow in question, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she removed her own. Slowly straddling her, hands encircling wrists and pinning her down to the bed, Kara hovered over Lena, her blonde hair mingling with the dark locks splayed out around Lena’s head, her warm, shaky breath ghosting over Lena’s cheek, and then she slowly lowered her head to capture Lena’s lips in a kiss, smiling into it as Lena hummed against Kara’s lips. Freeing one wrist, Kara trailed down Lena’s side, gently gliding over her curves, and cupping Lena’s calf, which was immediately moved to hook around Kara’s waist. Fingers splayed, Kara slid her hand up to the exposed skin of Lena’s thigh, while her mouth dropped to the pulse point on Lena’s neck, sucking softly while Lena groaned, sending a jolt through Kara’s body. Her lips moved of their own accord, down to her collarbone, where she gently nipped at the unmarked skin, sucking and kissing the spot, knowing that she’d leave Lena with a small reminder of what they’d done, even if only for a few days.
Kissing her deeply for a few moments, Kara ran her thumb over one of Lena’s prominent cheekbones, and Lena pushed back against the kiss, before they had to pull apart. Chests heaving against each other, leaving Kara feeling the spike of heat deep within as Lena gasped for air. Stealing another kiss, Kara moved further down the bed, kissing her way down Lena’s body, until she reached her legs, and then she started to kiss her way up, relishing the small sounds coming from Lena. Still, by the sounds of things, Lena was caught off guard by the first kiss, and Kara hadn’t ever imagined that she’d hear Lena moaning her name from between her legs. Taking her time, Kara elicited as many curse words from Lena as she could, while the other woman squirmed, her knees clamped around Kara’s head and her hands balled up in the sheets and Kara’s hair, which would’ve been painful if Kara wasn’t Kryptonian. She didn’t stop until she was sure Lena was finished, the sound of her name still ringing in her ears as she crawled back up, her fingers stroking Lena’s flushed cheeks as she stole gentle kisses, listening to Lena’s ragged breathing and running a hand through the dark tousled hair fanned out around Lena’s head.
Rolling off the top of her, Kara lay on her back, the cool silk sheets sticking to her back, and she pulled Lena into her arms, feeling the sweat beading on her lower back as Lena’s warm breath blew across her chest, giving Kara goosebumps. It was a few minutes of silence, before Lena propped herself up and guided Kara’s face to hers, their lips crashing back together, and the favour was returned with the same slow torture of Lena memorised every inch of Kara’s body, prolonging the moment for as long as possible. Kara felt limp afterwards, her heart staggering as she tried to even out her breathing, and her legs feeling like jelly. She was still blinking back black spots, with Lena splayed across her chest, her eyelashes tickling Kara’s skin as her eyes fluttered open and closed, and Kara wound her arms tightly around Lena, holding her close in the way she’d never had the privilege of doing before. They stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms, neither of them wanting to move, until they both drifted off to sleep.
It was still dark when they woke up, Lena pushing herself up off Kara’s chest and Kara rubbing her eyes. They hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but to wake up with Lena in her arms just once was worth it, but the moment was ruined. It was all over. Kara watched as Lena climbed to her feet, stumbling towards the bathroom in the dark and coming back out with a silk robe wrapped around herself. Kara was sitting on the edge of the bed, stretching muscles that were aching in a good way, before she climbed to her feet and searched around on the floor for her underwear. Then she found her pants, zipping them up and buckling her belt as she walked through Lena’s apartment, heading for the kitchen where the rest of her clothes were. Plucking her shirt off the floor, the sleeves still stuck through the cardigan sleeves, she pushed her arms through the holes, buttoning it up quickly. Her appearance was in stark contrast to the polished look of the person she’d been when she’d come here, and Kara shoved the plastic glasses back on her face as she ran a hand through her dishevelled hair, catching Lena looking at her from across the kitchen counters. Trying to tuck her wrinkled shirt back into her pants, Kara gave up, fighting a losing battle at making herself look presentable – she had mascara smudged beneath her eyes, and her hair was looking more tousled the more she tried to fix it – and pulled her coat on. Slinging the bag over one shoulder, she brushed her hair out of her face as she looked down at the floor, shoving her feet into her shoes.
“It would’ve been you, you know,” Lena quietly told her, and Kara jerked her head up to find a longing in Lena’s eyes that betrayed the finality of her words. She didn’t want to walk away anymore that Kara wanted her to, but there was a distance between them now that hadn’t been there before, and being intimate in a way they’d never imagined hadn’t been enough to fix the rift. It was like a slap in the face for Kara to know that she would’ve been Lena’s first pick if she’d just been honest, and she gave Lena a bittersweet smile, finally understanding what the price of her secrecy had been. This night had been everything she could’ve had, and everything she never would have – not anymore. “I think I loved you more.”
Loved. The past tense made Kara’s heart ache, and she nodded, willing herself not to cry in front of her again. Tilting her head to the side, she gave Lena an apologetic look, her eyes pleading for her to believe her, “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” Lena murmured.
Nodding again, Kara turned around, walking towards the dark hallway, and she could hear Lena quietly padding after her as Kara made her way towards the front door. Opening it, Kara winced at the sudden brightness of the hallway light, and she blinked as she waited for her eyes to adjust, hovering just inside the door, before stepping outside, turning to look at Lena, who stood there, eyes swimming with unshed tears, and sorrow written into the lines of her face. “Bye Lena,” Kara softly said, giving her the brightest smile she could muster.
Lena’s face split into an answering smile, just as brilliant as Kara's, and she let out a tearful laugh as the tears spilled over, racing down her cheeks as she wiped them away. Stepping out into the hallway, she gave Kara a quick kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye Kara.”