Actions

Work Header

thatsa spicy meatball

Summary:

tony the tiger is arousing.

no meatballs were harmed in the making of this fic.

hey if you read this? you're nto vlaid.

Notes:

there are six total authors, but some have chosen not to be named for legal and/or callout post post reasons.

adam: im sorry

the writers are not valid.

don't read it okay.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Keito’s dead. [Record scratch] You’re probably wondering how he got here. And why Komeada’s here.

Careless Whisper plays in the background. Sexily. I (Keito) have never been more aroused in my life.

The meatballs are cooking in the oven. The aroma floods the room, going straight to his groin. Kuro stands in front of the stove, in a frilly pink apron. It has sequins (that Shu sewed on). He stirs the sauce. He is man enough to not get lost in the sauce. It sounds like good pussy. He toucha my spaghetti. (Some SPICEEEEY italian spagets) It’s linguini. With Alfredo sauce bc haha like cum.

Keito walks in. “HEY IM WALKIN HERE” Keito says. He speaks like a man who has never been in Brooklyn a day his life. For some reason, Ratatouille the rat is here.

Suddenly komaeda walkss in and spanks Kuro’s ass. “Buenos dias Kuro,” Komaeda says. Kuro’s asscheeks flex. “sup baby” Keito feels strangely aroused by the display. His rooster springs to life. Bawk bawk bitch.COCK-A-DOODLE-DO-ME. The rooster is speckled, and named Chester. The cheetah. Cheetah-rooster. It’s a special breed. The rooster is also part of the fucking and is aroused, as per natural law.

This scene is like a zoo. There are animals. And like animals they must FUCK.The laws of nature and natrual selection decree that all animals must try to reproduce to pass on their genes.

According to all known laws of nature, when two humans are in the same room, they must fuck by law. And Komaeda? It’s Orgy Time.

PEANUT BUTTER ORGY TIME. PEANUT BUTTER FUCKING TIME! PENAUT BUTTER FUCKING TIME
! PEANUT BUTTER FUCKING TIME!
Their bananas are ripe. It is prime fucking season.

Tony the Tiger is there.Kuro coughs, uncomfortably turned on (he is quite the furry). His erection is straining to be heard. Its crying out. It sounds like a horn.

Guys where’s Keito
He’s fine he just died. From too big a boner. All the blood rushed from his head to his dick. RIP KEITO.

Keito died from improper blood circulation because too much boner. Well, now Kuro HAS to fuck his corpse. The walking dead did always turn him on.
Don’t forget Komaeda and Tony the Tiger, who Kuro must also fuck.

Quick poll ids Tony the Tiger a power top or power bottom?
Tony the Tiger WILL raw Kuro
i think kuro would bottom :/
Have y’all fucking seen Tony? He’s the Top
im ngl i thought u were gonna say hav yall seen jesus lately

much to his elation keito just wanted some fuk after all. Cn someone please fuck keito. He’s trying so hard (haha hard).

In the background, the spicy meatballs have burned. But no one cares because they’re too busy trying to get some FUCK. Keito considrs shoving them up his butt. Later the firemen can be called and then they can FUCK THE FIREMEN.fuck the police and firemen. Girls hit your hallelujah. Uptown fuck gon give it to ya.

So anyways back to the fuck.

Kuro bent down seductiively His muscles ripple Hotly. He comes to Keito’s Body’s side (haha come), his massive cock swinging mightily in the air. “Oh Mr. Kiryuu,” Keito says, swoonign. Because he came back from the dead, somehow. From the power of erection. THE POWER OF COCK COMPELLED HIM haha come#toogay2dielol

It was so big

so graceful

so massive
Such cock, many wow

Anyway, back to the fuck. Back to your regularly scheduled fuckies.

Keito’s back, and he’s ready for some Fuck.” you want sum fuck?” kuro asks (haha fuck) Bitches love fuk.

“How bout some blowies??”

“b-blowie, desu ka?”

“B-Baka.” Keito’s Sword Dick Blushes. uwu owo

“owo what’s this” asks keito’s rooster, springing free from his pants. It rises to meet Kuro’s thick, throbbing, MASSIVE erection. O W O (see that’s keito’s dick. It has glasses too. In fact, Keito has 17 different pairs of glasses for his cock alone.)

It’s...hard to deny, when it’s so red, like a tomato. They suddenly think of Rei. Or that guy from fire emblem. It’s hot.

Komaeda suddenly pops up again, but he’s stark naked this time. He holds up his robot hand. “For maximum jerking efficiency,” he explains. “Why would you settle for a human hand when I can do you one better.” Neither Kuro or Keito know if he’s the one from DRR of the other one. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that hot, sexy, robot hand. On not as hot or sexy Komeada.

Keito begins to consume Kuro’s hot tamale.

That guy from fire emblem, he’s so hot. It makes Keito spring even aliver.

Komaeda reaches over for his glass of wine, watching the fornication. He toasts to the air, “only fit for people with 11 fingers. One for each hole.” The statitic of having an average of 11 fingers is incorrect. Komeada Dangan Ranpo is an outlier with 1219401 fingers and should not be counted. Old memes turn Komaeda on. He craves that mineral? He’s rock solid.

Keit’s mouth burns from the Spice. Kuro’s too hot, hot damn., pepper to be exact. The firemen are on their way. Hmm. Maybe not pepper. That’s white people hot. It’s more like So Hot You Can Fry an Egg Hot. hot hot leg.

Komaeda wiggles, his belly bloating in excitement NO INFLATION IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME. CHRISTIAN GRAY HOME.

To sate christian gray, the god of fuckies and inner gods and goddesses (or godi), Komaeda ruptures briefly. Well. There he goes. It’s fine. He’ll return. He’ll come back (haha come)There’s more of him.

Now back to KuroKeis i guess Owo ?

What the fucks a kurokei

He distinction of fuckies and not fuckies

 

Kuro is in the sewing room. He’s in there sometimes.

Komaeda is no longer there, it’s just Kuro to the soft sounds of knitting.

He hums, lovingly, staring at the uh. Thong i guess he’s making.

It’s for Keito. Large enough for his massie ness. Nothing gets Kuro more aroused than yarn thongs. Suddenly we’re horny again. Horny for Jesus, amen. And Tony the Tiger.

Keito hasn’t been in school for a while, which is why Kuro is making him the thong. It was Eichi’s idea.

“You know,” he’d said, siddling up to Kuro after class had ended. “I think Keito’s in need of some thongs?” Except because it’s Eichi he actually monologued for a whole 50 minutes.

“Oh?” Kuro said, “Thongs for Keito?”

“Yes, thongs for Keito. Keito’s thong. A Thong for Keito.”

“Haha dick rash Keito,” Eichi lauhged, “All according to keikaku (keikaku means plan)”+-*(accoridng means following something) (to is a preosition) (all refers to everything in a group)

Shut up Komaeda. Said tony the tiger.

Komaeda screamed. And then started flexing to assert his domicance. (haha dom) he had his dom gaze. AND HIS DOM JEANS DONT FORGET HIS DJ’S.

Komaeda had to leave before Kuro finished the thong. Pressing matters, such as ringing the devil’s doorbell, called him away.

Keito showed up. KEito, the mangaka, decided to write for Nanoshitmo.

“Hello, Kiryu, and Welcome to Chili’s.”

Kuro looked up at him with grassy orbs, because remember, he was still sewing, “o its danna*.” Keito looked directly into his weed-colored spheres. (haha just blaze it)Jsut looking at him was a high in itself.
*Danna means Family and family means nobody is left behind

“is that a thong?” he asked

“yes, it’s for you.” kuro replied.

“I see,” keito says. He looks at the knit thong lovingly.

“It’s green like your orbs, And also marijuana.” 420 blaze it danna. And his pubes. Probably

Keito had green pubes, huh? does the carpet match the drapes. probably.

Hot.

Like grass.

Haha green pubes danna.

Somewhere Souma is crying. Akira is rolling in his grave. Bakyuuns are Sounding. Glasses are cracking. Anzu is screaming. Kuro’s mother comes back to life just to die again. (yes, she thinks. She is still a lesbean).
Btich me too the fuck.
He has purple pubes. Kuro has red pubes BECAUSE HE DYED HIS PUBES TOO SO HE CAN BE MARIO AND LUIGI COLORED WITH KEITO. LETSA GO straight tto hell.

Souma: im gonna commit sasuke
Everyone writing this: bitch me too the fuck

“You shouldn’t have Kiryu,” Keito finally said. He looks down, flustered.

He suddenly spies Kuro’s raging boner.

“I spy with my little eye one erection.” Just one, not two. Kuro was not a shark. He learned that pick up line from Eichi.

“Amazing,” Kuro says. “This truly is the minecraft of sex.”

Eichi had two dicks. Just in case anyone was wondering. Anyways, back to Kurokei.
Eichi IS in fact a shark. A SEXY shark. Like a mako or something. Where my scalies at.

“Is that your dick?”

No bitch, it’s Eichi’s – of fucking course it’s his dick. “Oh, I didnt even notice it,” Kuro answered (Kuro has never seen a dick in his life).

“What else could it be, Kiryu?” Keito asked.

“A knife.”

“NO!!!”

“Sometimes.”

Hey does anyone in this thread know what a tiger dick looks like asking for a friend.[REDACTED] knows but i ‘m too scared to ask.

“I’d be happy to give you an example.” someon esays. Its tony the tiger..

“Show me your dick.”

Tony wihips out his magnum dong. Kieto is instantly annihilated by his manhood’s presence. The waves of sheer manliness radiated from Tony the Tiger’s Magnum Dong were too much for the megane.

“Woah.” Says Kuro. He’s impressed and aroused.

THE END.

he never did fuck keito huh?
Guys can we even tag this as a kurokei fic at this point KURO/TONY/KEITO/KOMAEDA ot4 (ft. eichi (bass boosted))

Notes:

like if you cried