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man's best friend

Summary:

Sirius Black is best man at James and Lily's wedding, and so he appropriately makes a speech. That's about as far as the propriety goes.

Notes:

hi! my lovely friend asked me to write this. it was so much fun and i really enjoyed it!! i hope you do too.

you can find me on twitter (gryffsirius), instagram (emmakmarie), and tumblr (siriusorioff). come say hi!

Work Text:

The fairy lights are strung low over the backyard of the cottage in Godric's Hollow, the clock just striking eight at night, when Sirius Black makes his way to what can be considered the front of the crowd and puts the tip of his wand just under his jaw.

From his seat at the slightly raised table by the back fence, James Potter - hair messy, cheeks rosy, glasses askew - nudges his new wife and points to his best friend. "Lil, look."

"Ah, fuck," Lily says, seeing where James is pointing, but her words are laced with an involuntary giggle from the flute of champagne in her left hand. "Did he tell you what he was going to say?"

"No, it's going to be a surprise -"

Across the yard, Sirius says "Sonorus," and his ensuing, infectious laugh is magically magnified so that everyone at the reception hears it booming.

"Ooh, shit, that's a lot louder than I was expecting. Uh, hi, everyone, if you don't know me you might be at the wrong wedding, but in case you don't, I'm Sirius Black, I'm the best man - a fact that I fully intend to hold over the heads of two particularly handsome gentlemen at the table in the back, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew -" A spotlight has been trained on Sirius since he began speaking, but it swings to Remus and Peter at that moment, to where they're sitting on James' side of the table, an empty chair where Sirius had been sitting between the two of them and the groom.

"I'm never gonna let you live this down, loves," Sirius adds, and Remus good-naturedly flips him off. "Aw, Moony, my darling, I'll cherish your fingers forever." There's a raucous cheer from the section of the yard that houses mostly their old Hogwarts classmates, and Sirius grins cheekily.

"Anyway, I came up here to make a speech, and as much as I'd like to just stay up here flirting and soaking in the attention that you're all graciously giving me -" We're being forced to, Black, don't think this is a conscious choice, Marlene McKinnon yells from close to Lily, and he makes a face at her before continuing, "- I do have a thing or two that I'd like to say. Get out your tartan handkerchief, dearest Minnie, for I intend to pull especially hard on everyone's heartstrings."

"Stop stalling, Black," Minerva McGonagall says, and he winks at her.

"Okay," Sirius begins, adjusting his stance. He looks up at the sky for a moment, before clearing his throat and launching into his speech.

"I met James and Lily on the same day - the first of September, 1971. Quite memorable, Jamie and I shared a compartment and he pulled me - quite gallantly, I might add - out of the beginnings of what would have been a deep spiral of depression if I was sorted into a certain House. Memorable for another reason, being that I was there the first time that these two lovebirds met. It may surprise you to know that he insulted her best friend and she left, and they proceeded to have a shit relationship for, oh, nigh on six years! And to think - I had the profound honor of being there at the start of it all."

"He's using five Galleon vocabulary, clearly that word-a-day calendar that we have is being put to good use," Remus comments under his breath across the yard, and Peter snorts.

"You know," Sirius continues, starting to walk around the yard, twirling his wand between his fingers in a motion that his friends recognize as something he tends to do to soothe his nerves, "I've been there for a lot of firsts for these two absolute losers. This is not something that I'm particularly happy about, I have to say. First kiss? Not so bad, on the Quidditch pitch, sloppy but passionate. I'd give it an eight out of ten. I was also there for Jamesfirst kiss, not just the first one that they had together. Lily, I'm never going to let you forget that I was the first one to kiss your husband. Another thing that I'm never going to let you forget is that I was also the first one to walk in, regrettably, on the two of you shagging in seventh year. Oh, Lily's shaking her head at me, should I stop?"

Their Hogwarts classmates are cheering, and there are several scandalized looks being passed around the more senior population of guests, and Sirius is basking in the attention. He waits a moment before raising his hands as though to draw the attention of the crowd and says, "Now, if you will! Allow me to set the fucking scene. Oh - ha, the fucking scene, Remus, did you see what I just did?"

"Most unfortunately," Remus calls in response.

"You adore me." He tucks his wand in one of his belt loops, runs a hand through his hair, and laughs, looking to his left at Professor McGonagall, adding, "You might want to cover your ears for this, McGoo, I wouldn't want you to know too much about what exactly your Head Boy and Girl got up to when you can't put them in detention anymore."

"Tell the story!" James yells, and Sirius looks to him, eyes alight with laughter. "We're getting old, get on with it!"

"Let me take my sweet time, Jamie, or you won't get the rest of your speech!"

"You're a whore, you won't give up that spotlight for anything!"

"James Fleamont, you know damn well that the only person allowed to call me names like that is Remus."

"Sirius, oh my god," Remus exclaims, cheeks tinged a brilliant pink. Sirius blows him a kiss and steps back to the front of the reception area.

"Anyway! Setting the fucking scene! There I was, heading back to our dorm in Gryffindor Tower after a frankly exhausting day mainly consisting of a particularly challenging essay set by our favorite Charms Professor, I see you, Professor Flitwick," Sirius points then, Flitwick raising his glass in response, "- I'll never forget, I was trying to write a foot and a half on the Fidelius Charm in the library when I was unceremoniously kicked from our little study spot by one Remus Lupin, who had apparently decided that he couldn't deal with my - what was it, love?"

"How am I supposed to remember?"

"You're better at remembering this kind of thing than I am! But I'm certain that it was somewhere along the lines of god-awful whinging, Sirius, just write it somewhere else. Needless to say, my feelings were bruised beyond compare and I made my way back to the dormitory to take a well-deserved frustration nap. I threw open the door when -" Sirius makes a sweeping motion as though to show himself opening the door, gasping in mock horror at the memory he's pantomiming. "Right there in front of me! The most horrific sight I've seen to this day with my bare eyes - and I've seen Severus Snape -" the crowd laughs at that, and Sirius revels in it, "- the incredible image of James Fleamont Potter's bare buttocks while he was locked in a passionate and romantic tryst with the lovely Lily Evans!"

After pausing for dramatic effect, Sirius adds, "And to top it all off, it was on my fucking bed."

It takes a few moments, but the crowd quiets eventually, Sirius raising his hands to get their attention so that he can continue his haphazard speech. "This of course was far from the first time that I'd seen the stunning Mr. Potter without clothes on - we'd lived together for seven years, at this point. But something about that moment just became seared into my brain and to this day, I have not been able to purge it from my memories. Now, I could continue. I could tell you all about our last Christmas at Hogwarts and the bottles of firewhiskey that Pete and I snuck in from Hogsmeade. I could tell you about the after Quidditch parties and about the passageway behind the tapestry on the sixth floor and about what everyone knew happened but no one talked about happening in the Astronomy Tower late at night - cover your ears, Professors! I could wax poetic about all of these things for the next hour, but I'm not going to, because there are certain things that I have, unfortunately, been sworn to secrecy over."

There's some boos from the crowd, but Sirius brushes them off. The air of the yard feels more sincere now, like the joking part of the speech is done.

"That's just - it's just a part of the Marauder code. There are certain things that are just automatically secrets, and for a long time, it was just the four of us, and all of you lot -" he gestures vaguely at the audience, now listening raptly, for the most part, "- telling us that we're complete tossers for giving ourselves codenames like this. But now, now we have a fifth, and god, I'm glad that if we had to add anyone to our little group, it's you, Evans."

"It's Potter!" she half-shouts, and he laughs.

"It's gonna get confusing if we call you by your new last name, you'll always be Evans." Sirius pauses, tugs a hand through his hair for what feels like the fourteenth time since he started talking. "Prongs, this is for you. I'm being real, now."

James sits up straighter, leans forward, directs his attention to Sirius more fully. "Oh, so you're being serious?" James asks, a little smirk on his face.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm always Sirius," he shoots back, then clears his throat. "You're my best mate, you're my brother, you're the first real friend I've ever had and I don't know who I'd be without you. I love you so much - so fucking much that. You're half my heart, mate, and I'm so happy that you've finally gotten your shit together enough so that you're not being a fucking idiot and swooning over Evans to me or Pete or Remus anymore. And I know - I know I speak for all of us when I say that we just - we just want the best for you. For both of you."

Sirius takes a moment, bobs on the balls of his feet, then adds, "Okay. I've said my piece. I've talked too much and embarrassed myself more than either of you, I think. I love you, I want the best for you, if you ever get another dog I'll feel nothing but betrayal, I expect you to name your firstborn son after me, the works."

His focus is solely on James and Lily in this moment, so he doesn't quite notice he way that everyone in the room is watching him, and he can only just barely see out of his peripheral vision the way that Remus is looking at him as though he hung the stars in the sky.

Sirius steps back, smiles brilliantly at the collective guests, and says, "Thank you so much for letting me ramble, I've been Sirius Black. Back to your drinks." He takes a bow and starts to make his way back to the wedding party's table, ducking under a loose string of fairy lights that seems to have become unfastened from a tree to his left, tucking the tip of his wand under his jaw and whispering, "Quietus," before he reaches his friends.

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