Chapter Text
When they awoke the next day, it was quiet in the room and Sirius was still snoozing. Remus pressed a kiss into his collar bone that turned into him just absorbing the warm scent of his skin. He was intoxicating.
Perhaps it was a little like waking from a party, there was a new clarity in Remus’ mind that was still a little foggy but the memories of the last few days were laying way to a less intense feeling of need. Remus was still warmed and comforted by Sirius’ presence but at least he felt they could be apart for a moment now. Perhaps it was the result of the bonding hormones, or maybe it would be this insane every full moon.
Remus sat up and Sirius seemed to wake and reach for him.
“Remus-”
“I’m here,” he said, taking his hand.
“Mmh.”
Remus found there was a breakfast tray by the door, the origins of which he preferred not to ponder, but he bought it closer and nibbled on some fruit as Sirius rolled over and closed his eyes again
Eventually, they roused enough to consider dressing. Remus rarely slept naked but now clothes felt a chore. Plus, Sirius in his natural state was something divine to behold.
“I really really need to wash,” said Remus with a laugh. He looked at Sirius, who had not showered since his quidditch match and, whilst Remus found it intoxicating and wonderful in his bond-addled state, he was certain in reality that they both stank something awful.
Sirius had been majestic on the pitch, though. It was as though he had unlocked a part of his anatomy that had always been hidden to him, accessing the true extent of his muscular power, and bludgers were sent soaring in whatever direction he looked regardless of whether he hit them or not. And Remus had been petrfied that he would hurt himself and fall and he would be lost without an alph- he was afraid to say it. To confess that he was so ruled by a bite on his neck. Yet, he could barely stop checking to see if Sirius was still there.
Sirius stroked a finger against his thigh and Remus smiled. “Yeah, you smell gross.” Remus laughed, as though either of them could rank who smelt worse right now.
“Let’s use the prefect’s bath.”
But befre they reached the baths, they were intercepted by no other than Albus Dumbledore himself. His auburn beard was always something of a novelty to the students; it reached to below his shoulders and showed no signs of stopping.
“Ah, Remus!” he said, his eyes twinkling. “Just the student I wanted to see.”
Sirius felt a surge of protectiveness surge within him, as though threatened that another person had even looked Remus way, and he gripped Remus’ arm tighter.
But Remus gave him a look that hurt Sirius to his heart. He looked downtrodden and Sirius let go as though burned and turned away, trying to control his breathing.
Remus and Dumbledore were talking amiably, but Sirius couldn't hear them. How was Remus able to act so calmly? Maybe it was because he had dealt with hormonal imbalances his whole life and this tsunami of jealousy was something that he was already skilled at dealing with. It made Sirius proud of Remus to know that he was so in control and he tried to focus on that, instead of thinking about the jealousy, the hurt, the shame, the heartbreak that Remus had to go through this at all.
“Umm, I’ll just be a minute,” Remus said, patting Sirius’ arm. “Please wait for me?”
The wait was agonising but Sirius cursed himself the entire time. There would be times he was away from Remus. Obviously. He had to get this under control. Hopefully it would lessen, in fact, it already felt less intense than yesterday, but yesterday there was no direct threat!
He laughed out loud then. Dumbledore, a threat! Clearly, this whole thing had turned his senses inside out.
When Remus walked out though, Sirius nearly leapt to him, but stopped himself before touching him. Remus seemed thoughtful, but downcast, and Sirius worried that Dumbledore had said something awful to him. In fact, a lightning fast list of possibilities opened up to him, a list of threats: that Remus was expelled from Hogwarts, that Dumbledore knew about the omega hierarchy and didn’t tell Remus, that Dumbledore was vying for Remus’ affection, that Remus and Sirius weren’t allowed to see each other anymore, that-
“I can actually hear you thinking,” said Remus in a soft, affectionate voice.
“What did he say?” said Sirius, maybe too fast, as soon as he had been given permission to speak almost.
“Hmm. Something that I have been thinking myself actually, sort of. Maybe.” He looked up at Sirius. “But you won’t like it.”
His expression had gone vulnerable, desperate for Sirius’ approval, and Sirius beat himself up inside again. Shit. He was ruining this. His possessiveness was making Remus scared to say things and he did not want to create that barrier between them.
He stopped and took a deep breath. Remus let him breathe for a moment, hopefully he wasn’t mentally tethered to Sirius, but that was probably true.
“Remus. I said it before and I still mean it. You can tell me anything.”
“He wants me to go to the werewolf packs.”
The blood in his veins ran ice cold.
“Sirius?”
But he could not trust himself to open his eyes. How? How could Dumbledore want to send Remus into the mouth of the wolves?
“Sirius, please-”
Did Dumbledore know that Remus had just been bonded? The trickling thought that maybe Dumbledore knew about this and only waited for the opportune time to tell Remus, when his guard was down, when he had been bonded no less, to manipulate him! Why? Why hadn’t Sirius just told Dumbledore to fuck off and taken Remus to safety!
“Sirius, breathe! Sirius!”
He opened his eyes and Remus was shaking his shoulders and he collapsed into him.
“I coulnd’t protect you,” he said into his shoulder, feeling, for the first time, like a weak, pathetic boyfriend.
“No, Sirius,” said Remus, holding him close.
“And I can’t-” he clenched his fists against the air, away from Remus, out of control of everything and it was so frustrating. There were so many things lined up against them and Sirius could not protect Remus from anything with certainty. Not even if he kept him in a protective nest, there was still no guarantee. No, Remus’ freedom was now his torment.