Chapter Text
I woke up that next morning still in the library. I had moved to one of the big cushy couches during the night to make myself more comfortable but ended up passing out. My book had fallen on the floor, its pages opened and ruffled. Stretching out my legs, I noticed something strange.
There was a blanket on me. I distinctly remember not having a blanket on me because I decided to put on a little sweater instead when I got cold.
I looked around, but Loki was long gone. He probably made it to his rooms and slept there like a reasonable person. Why would he be nice to me?
I sat up and put my head in my hands; I had to get my bearings together. I checked my phone and saw it was almost ten in the morning. I had to get breakfast before my stomach decided to eat itself. I was starving.
Tony and Thor were in the kitchen having a serious conversation. I snuck past them towards the fridge and started to make myself some cereal.
“Thor, this may end badly!” Tony hissed.
I looked over my shoulder at the two and realized the discussion must have turned very serious because Tony’s veins were showing. He was upset.
“Stark, this is what we brought him here to do,” Thor pleaded.
“Not gonna happen. Not yet.”
“That’s not just your call to make.”
I couldn’t stop myself. “What call?”
They both stopped simultaneously and turned to me. Tony straightened himself up as if to try to hide his frustration from me. “Nothing-“
“No, it is something,” Thor interrupted. “There have been sightings of alien activity north, and the mission could be dangerous. We need to bring Loki.”
“Who is not ready or trusted enough to be on a mission!” Tony snapped.
Thor glared at him, not understanding Tony’s hesitation. “He is an asset.”
“He is a liability.” Tony then stormed out of the kitchen, leaving a thick tension in the room.
Thor sighed, sitting beside me. “Loki’s powers give us an advantage. We may need him out there today.”
That brought me out of my tiredness. “Today?” I exclaimed. “You guys are leaving today?!”
After Thor nodded, I ran out of the room to follow Tony. He wasn’t in his rooms, the living room, or the lobby. Only other place he would be—his lab. I raced to the basement, quickly entering a 4-digit code that would open the glass doors.
“Take me with you!”
Tony was surprised by my sudden appearance, dropping his tools on the metal table. “That is out of the question.”
“Why? I’ve been here for years, training and learning. I am ready!”
“No, you’re not. You’re still just a child.”
I moved closer to him as if that would help him understand. “A child with abilities! I could protect you.”
Tony went back to tinkering. He wasn’t even considering my thoughts or suggestions. Everything I said just rolled off him. “Or you could get killed,” he responded blankly.
I laughed at that. “We both know that’s a little hard to do, Tony, so why aren’t you letting me help?”
At this point I was getting loud, and I was getting to Tony. To the point where he snapped. “Because you could kill somebody else!” he screamed at me.
I took a step backwards. My stomach had dropped, and I could feel my heart stop. “You could kill a civilian,” he continued yelling, “or the wrong person! You could kill one of us!”
Tears escaped my eyes. Finally, the truth is out. This is what he had been thinking of the whole time I was locked in here. I wasn’t here to train. I was a prisoner.
“And how long…” I stammered, fighting back tears, “did you plan to keep me locked up in here with nothing to do?”
He realized then what he had said, what he had confessed. He sighed. “Dana, I didn’t mean it like that-“
“No!” I yelled. “You meant it. Trust me, you meant it.”
I heard Tony calling after me, but I didn’t stop as I walked out of his lab and up the stairs to the main floor. I didn’t know where I was going. My room just felt like a cell to me now. The living room and training areas were full of teammates. Not my teammates.
I ended up back in the library. I kept walking until I hit the window that locked out into the yard.
Then I broke down. I hit the window repeatedly, sobbing and yelling, but not even making a scratch on Tony’s bullet-proof, God-proof glass. Finally, I gave up and fell to the floor.
I was never meant to be an Avenger. I was meant to stay away from society to PROTECT society. I was a nuke, an explosion that could harm thousands. They never trusted me, just like they didn’t trust Loki. We were outsiders.
Silent footsteps came from behind me. Quickly I stood up and turned to face the intruder. It was Loki.
He was staring at me with worry all over his expression. His eyebrows were knitted in concern, his mouth open a little as if he wished to say something. I tried to dry my eyes as fast as I could, but he still saw the tears.
“What has upset you?” He sounded genuine, but I couldn’t bother to care at that moment.
“Nothing,” I uttered, “nothing just the usual stuff of not being trusted or supported by people who are supposed to be your family.”
He nodded in understanding. “I think I can relate to that.”
I smiled at him. He wasn’t doing much, but his presence was helping immensely. My heart rate got back to normal, and I started to calm down. “So, what brings you back to the library?”
“Oh.” He had forgotten all about his task. “I thought I would return this to you before I left.”
“Left?”
“Yes.” He frowned. “I’m being sent on a mission.”
My heart stopped again. So, they were sending him. My emotions were mixed with worry for him and envy of him. He was at least able to get out in the field and do something that mattered. But I was worried for him. I couldn’t explain why. I just… needed him to come back safe.
I crossed my arms to stop the chill that had been sent through my body. “You’re going with them?”
“So it seems.” His eyes were soft when looking at me. I felt so drawn to them, I could stare at him forever if he let me. “Can I do anything to help?”
“Me?” I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t think anyone can help my situation…. But thank you for trying.” I smiled lightly at him which he returned.
“Here.” I went over to the book that had fallen last night and took out my bookmark. It was nothing special, just an image of a serpent with a green tassel at the end. Handing it to him, I said, “Take this with you. If I can’t go then maybe a part of me can go.”
Loki was startled. He held the bookmark as if it was a precious baby. “You’re trusting me with this?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s just a bookmark. I mean it is my favorite, and I’ll be devastated if you lose it, but it’s not a precious artifact.”
“But you still trust me to carry this throughout the mission?”
“Yes, I trust you. I feel like you’re the only one who wants to carry me with you…” I coughed, realizing what I said, “… I mean carry it with you.”
Loki tucked the bookmark away in one of his chest pockets, making sure it was safe and secure. I felt my heart skip a beat about how much he cared.
“I will return it to you,” he promised.
His eyes wouldn’t leave mine, and I found I could no such thing either. I took him all in. His beauty, his stature, his grace, everything. I looked at his eyes, nose, cheeks, his… lips. I felt a strong pull to him, like I wanted to be near him. He wasn’t looking away either. Maybe he felt it, too.
Suddenly, Thor called on Loki to hurry up. Before I knew it, the handsome prince was out the door, leaving me behind.