Chapter Text
I didn’t know what was happening to me.
I couldn’t understand where this “thing” had come from or if it had been dormant in me for so long. If so, then why show itself now? Did it have to do with the man on the balcony?
I tried hard over the next two days to figure it out. The blackness creeping in my veins wasn’t slowing down, but, thankfully, I could hide it. The only time I could see the inky substance in my skin was when I called it forward—like I was looking for it, but otherwise, it hid itself.
No one else knew. I still hadn’t told Tony or anyone. In fact, I hadn’t spoken to anyone since I woke up besides Bruce and occasionally Tony when he checked in on me. Bruce came every morning to study the progress of the infection, and he hadn't seen my infection growing as I did. If he did, he would tell Tony, then I would never be let out. So I kept it hidden.
And maybe this wasn’t a bad thing, right? Maybe it was just my powers expanding, and I was maturing into my full potential. However, looking back on how I threatened Tony, I knew this power inside me was dark.
I hadn’t seen Loki either. My heart ached to tell him everything and to have him hold me, but I could not bring myself to seek him out. He was on the lookout for Lorelei, which was something only he could do. Distracting him would only delay the process and put us in danger of Lorelei hitting us off guard. Loki had told me he would stay with me, and he did, in his own way. I found flowers from him every so often as his reminder he was still looking after me. Of course I hid these from Tony, too.
“You should get some air.”
The voice startled me from my thoughts. I looked back to see Nat had come in, leaning against the doorframe. Smiling at her, I responded, “I have windows that open.”
“Not what I meant,” she scoffed, chuckling. She came into the room and sat on my bed. “You don’t need to lock yourself in here.”
“Well I’m already locked in the compound, so what’s one more cage?”
Nat raised her eyebrow. “You’re not a prisoner.”
It was my turn to scoff. “No? Then why won’t Tony let me help you guys fight Lorelei?”
She patted the spot on the bed next to her, motioning for me to come sit by her. Reluctantly, I did, and Nat turned to grab my hands. “Tony cares for you, Dana. He cares for you more than anyone, and he needs you to be alright. He doesn’t need you putting yourself in danger. You getting hurt would be the worst outcome for him.”
“But I can do it! Aren’t people dying and Lorelei winning the worst outcomes?”
“Yes, but if it means risking your life, then he won’t see it that way.” Nat sighed and squeezed my hand. “You’re young, and you have so much growing to do.”
I looked towards the ground, my brown hair falling to cover my eyes. “I feel weak. I have all this power, but I can’t do anything with it. I keep getting hurt by my hope to one day be something more.”
“You already are something more.”
“I’m… full of power—power that I’m not sure I can control, and I’m not sure if I want to. This thing, whatever it is, has made me feel stronger than ever. I feel like no one can ever touch me again.”
Nat reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. “No one will hurt you. We will make sure of that.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to keep relying on people. I want to rely on myself!”
Suddenly, she turned my head to look into her eyes. “Relying only on yourself is a very lonely thing to do.”
“I’m already lonely,” I whispered.
I felt her hand softly caress my cheek. “Power is very tempting. It can make you feel strong, invincible, but it is an illusion. The only way to be strong is to have people who care about you with you.”
I closed my eyes, feeling my breath leave my body. When I was not myself, I was at my most powerful. I had the whole room full of Avengers at my feet, and I could’ve done anything I wanted. But at the same time, I felt nothing. I wasn’t myself, and my emotions were dulled. It was like I was someone else entirely, and for some perverse reason, I liked it.
“It didn’t seem like an illusion,” I breathed. “It seemed so real.” I needed it to be real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I continued to feel like an itch for that power again. I wanted it so much that I began pacing back and forth in my room. I began to feel like an addict, needing a drug I had only tried once. But damn was it good.
It got to the point where I went to my window and released it. The black tendrils flew out of my hand and swirled onto the grass below. Soon enough, the front yard was turning brown as the black smoke surpassed each plant and leaf. The yard was rotten by the time I was done, and I didn't want to stop. The power radiated throughout my body, and I gasped from the pressure building inside of me. I felt full. No one could ever beat me.
I stopped myself so suddenly. I gasped for air as the feelings left my body and my power receded. What the hell was I thinking? If I had let my control escape me, I was in danger of seriously hurting someone. So why couldn't I stop myself?
There was no stopping the panic that ran through me. Breathing hard and wheezing, I grabbed onto my throat. My heart felt like it could come right out, and my lungs felt so constricted.
My body was shaking. What was happening to me? That surge of power had overtaken me and without it, I felt weak again. I was nothing without it.
No! That’s wrong.
After counting down from a hundred and feeling my muscles relax, I got up and ran from my room. I needed to get that air that Nat was talking about.
But before I could get to the back door that led out to the garden, my body bumped into someone else’s. A hand reached out and caught me before I fell on my ass, and looking up I saw it was Loki.
“Darling, where are you running to?” He looked concerned, and I caught his subtle study of my body to see if I was harmed.
“I… Sorry, nowhere,” I stuttered. “I was just going to the garden. Seemed time to leave my room.”
“I am glad you are feeling better. I’ve been wanting to see you-“
“But Tony, I know. It’s okay.” I wasn’t sure if my reassurances were enough, but I was too focused on myself to think about it. I moved around Loki’s body and made my way towards the door.
I didn’t get far. Loki caught my wrist and stopped me from reaching my goal. “Dana, what is the matter?” Now he was really worried.
In an instant, I was turned around to face Loki. His eyes were soft as he gazed at mine, and concern was glowing in them. And I stopped.
Loki had been here before. Years ago he was tempted by a power such as this, and he gave in. He was overrun with it, leading him to attack Earth. The road there was paved with lost relationships and a loneliness so great it swallowed him. He was given the illusion of power, and he, too, believed it was real. Could he answer my rumbling thoughts?
It was a risk. I was terrified of voicing them to him. He might think me a monster or he could believe I was stupid for thinking such things. He might yell at me or mock me. He could leave me.
But he was the only chance I had.
My hand wrapped itself around his. “Loki,” I sighed, too scared to look at his eyes.
He tipped his forefinger under my chin and raised my face so that we were eye-to-eye. “Is there something wrong?” he asked softly.
Before I could thoroughly think it through, my head nodded. I sputtered, “Something is very wrong.”
“Love, tell me-“
The alarm interrupted Loki’s sentence. It blared throughout the compound, startling us.
“What the hell is that?” I asked.
Suddenly, a crash sounded from above us, and we heard windows shattering. The living room. Someone was here, and they were not invited.
“Loki!” Thor called.
I felt Loki tighten his hold on me. “She’s here.”