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It's late summer and something has to give, so one day after work Riza goes and cuts off at least a foot of glossy blonde hair, leaving it on the floor of the hairdresser's shop without so much as a second glance. She doesn't know whether it's the heat, the impending relocation to Ishval, or simply the fact that for the last two months all anyone has done is paperwork, but it's done now and there's no taking it back, and something about that simple fact is freeing.
After the Promised Day she spent the minimum amount of time resting, rushing back to the office as soon as she was pronounced fit, only to find the men in a state of summer vacation. It was true that there was a new government in place and they had all risked life itself to facilitate this, but after the third week of goofing off in the office and completing the bare minimum amount of work, she's ready to contemplate the next step, even though the next step is giving her more and more frequent nightmares that cause her to wake in the middle of the night with a yell and remain huddled over a cup of tea until dawn.
Last night was one of those nights, and so she arrives at the office extra early; so early it's still cool outside and so she opens the windows while she brews a pot of coffee and settles in at her desk with the paperwork the Colonel failed to finish yesterday. Havoc is the first of the men into the office – funny how something like regaining the use of one's legs will make one more eager to show up to work on time.
“Nice hair, Lieutenant,” he says with a nod. “Any special occasion?”
“We'll be headed to Ishval soon,” she shrugs. “It's going to be hot there.”
“Do you think the Colonel's going to like it?” he asks.
“Well I'm sure he's not going to hate it so much he decides to fire me,” she replies, bristling slightly. “I don't think he'll even notice.” This isn't true, she knows he'll notice, and she also knows he'll understand why she did it without her having to say a word. One of the benefits to a relationship like theirs was that they understood each other's motives so well that explanations were seldom necessary. She just wanted Havoc to be quiet; what had happened on the Promised Day was no secret and although the higher-ups currently had much more to focus on besides fraternization. The entire military knew how Colonel Mustang's adjutant had been used to try and make him perform human transmutation, how it had almost worked, and how they had carried each other the rest of the battle, working as one. She's heard a few rumors, and though there is no hard evidence to back them, they make her uneasy, partly because they would cost her her job if anyone took them seriously and partly because she felt like she had been walking a tightrope since the Promised Day, since the whole Homunculi Incident, as she has been thinking of it. She and her Colonel are excellent at communication, possibly the best, but lately it feels as though their quiet devotion to one another is on the brink of tipping into something more, and Riza isn't sure how to navigate this. It seems as though even with Father defeated and the Homunculi gone, they will always be involved in subterfuge.
The others trickle in slowly, with the Colonel arriving last, still yawning. She catches the flash of pain in his eyes when he notices her hair, which he quickly covers up with an exaggerated compliment.
It's a sleepy summer day, and nothing much happens, just like nothing much happened yesterday and the day before that. The workload is light and everyone gets done early, and so they trickle out of the office with Mustang's blessing, looking at her almost apologetically as they do so. Sorry Mom, but Dad said it was okay. Finally it's just Riza and the Colonel left in the office, and to her surprise she's finished with her stack of paperwork first. She pushes the last report away from herself, stretching lazily in the slanted late-afternoon sun. She almost can't wait to go to Ishval and do something that doesn't involve feeling chained to a desk.
“Calling it a night, Lieutenant?” Mustang looks up from what seems to be the last of his own paperwork.
“Might as well, sir, everything's done. I think it's probably going to be like this until we leave for Ishval.” They haven't spoken about the transfer, she realizes. Not alone, anyway. It was something that suited them both so much in the aftermath of the destruction of the Promised Day that they hadn't felt the need, both independently breaking their leases and making moving preparations without so much as a single conversation. It was so unlike anything else they had done recently, and so devoid of deception.
“About Ishval,” he says lightly, also stretching, “I think I might head East a little earlier if the workload stays this light. You can hold it together here for a week or so.” She blinks.
“You want to go without me?” she asks bluntly. She blames the heat – she has never been one for saying the first thing that pops into her mouth. From the looks of it, he's also taken by surprise.
“You don't want me to?”
“I guess I thought we would travel together,” she shrugs. “Of course you're the commanding officer, not me, so you should do whatever you think is best.” He stands, smiling, and walks over to where she's standing over her desk, collecting her things. She thinks nothing of it until she feels his hand on the side of her face, gently cupping her jaw. Her head snaps around and he's looking at her strangely, tenderly.
“If you want to go together, I'll wait,” he says simply. She finds she can't move, can't look away from him. She's known she loved him for a very long time, and she'd thought he felt the same for almost as long. She would die for him – if Mei hadn't been there on the Promised Day then she surely would have. But Riza has never really believed there would be a time when they could address their feelings, all that's happened between them over the years. The time isn't now, she knows, but maybe the time would be when they were in Ishval, relatively cut off from central command, healing the wounds they had been carrying for so many years. Maybe they could afford, for once, and after everything, to be a little bit selfish.
“I don't want for us to be apart,” she says finally, with some difficulty. It has never been easy for her to talk about her feelings but he makes her want to try. He's the one bright spark in what has otherwise been a solitary and dark existence. His hand still rests on her cheek, warming her skin. “It's too soon.” She didn't have to elaborate, he would understand what she meant. It was too short on the heels of their forced separation under Fuhrer Bradley. They needed time to be together again, Colonel and Lieutenant, Mustang and Hawkeye.
“Maybe when we're in the East,” he's choosing his words carefully, she can tell, “we can relax a little. Everything with the Homunculi – I think it took a lot out of us. It will be nice to take some time to regroup. Regroup and rebuild,” he adds, and clears his throat nervously. “Maybe we can, ah, spend some time together that doesn't involve planning a coup.” She understands what he's getting at, and she can't pretend the thought hasn't crossed her mind also.
Their shadows fall on the floor beside them, long and exaggerated in the dying daylight. Riza looks at the entwined shape, thinking how innocent the darkness seems now. No more Pride to haunt her steps, no more Lust to make her live out her nightmares. She and her Colonel are free, though still bound by the restrictions of the military. But they're just humans now, she thinks, and they only see so much. She leans up and pulls him in, gently, for a kiss; their first since they were both awkward teens. He tenses up for just a second, their constant need for secrecy making him jumpy, but quickly relaxes, his hand running through her short hair as his other arm circles her waist. The sensation is both new and familiar all at once. After a moment they separate, reluctantly.
“I guess we've always been good at nonverbal communication,” he says, looking flushed but happy. She wonders if they deserve to be happy. She wonders if it even matters what they deserve. She wonders if the office door locks from the inside and then immediately feels guilty. They've waited this long, they can wait until Ishval. She pulls him in again anyway.
Her back hits the desk and they're kissing frantically, gasping against each other, her hands in his hair and his on her waist, her neck -
He touches the scar where her throat was slashed open and stops, pulls away, smooths her hair and his jacket. This is enough, she thinks. It's enough for now.
“I think I'll wait to go east,” he says finally, when she's draped her jacket over her arm and taken her bag off the coat rack. “You might need help here and I couldn't possibly travel without my adjutant.”
“I think that's smart, sir,” she says, holding the door open for him. “What if you get caught in the rain? You know it makes you useless.” He shuts the light out in the office, and closes the door behind him. In the empty hallway his hand finds hers and gives it a quick squeeze.
“Well then I guess I'd better keep you around.”