Chapter Text
Kirby took the five friends to a stage specially designed for the final results. It was big and over the top, not something you'd expect for a ceremony among only friends.
Palutena was standing behind a table on which laid all the prizes. They were in present boxes so that they couldn't be recognized. The element of surprise was going to be very important.
"Ladies and-a gentlemen, welcome to the final results!" Mario announced.
"That's weird, I don't see anyone," Pit noted as he tried to figure out who Mario was talking to.
"Are you five-a ready to-a see the results?"
The group of friends nodded, they were all anxious. None of them wanted to pay Palutena.
"We'll-a start with the small prizes."
"The winners of this trip to Hawaii are the people responsible for the aud- I mean Kirby's favorite dish!" Palutena cheered, "Praises include, good cutting techniques, excellent choice of vegetables and Ike crying was funny."
"Ike and Link, come get your prize!" Kirby ordered, "What do you two have to say about your victory."
"Um, isn't the prize a bit much?" Ike asked, "Who's financing it?"
"Do you really care Ike?"
"I guess not."
"Any comments, Link?"
"I didn't expect this," the Hylian admitted.
"Me neither, with all the joke votes, I thought you'd end up traveling with one of your other friends."
Link didn't get to ask Kirby what on Earth he was talking about because he had gotten kicked off the stage alongside Ike.
"The winners of this ski trip to the Swiss Alps are the two who have shown to be closer than the others," Palutena announced, "Mario has praised their ability to get along, get into a fight and resolve it by not setting the room on fire for once."
"Marth, Roy, are you two excited to go skiing?" Kirby asked.
"Yeah!" Roy cheered, "I bet the landscapes are beautiful and the fondue is great."
"And we can buy Swiss chocolate and not share it with anyone!" Marth added, "We can also go to the thermal baths!"
Kirby didn't even have to kick the two off the stage since they walked off to continue planning their Winter vacation.
"The winners of this trip to the US are the people who made the best-looking meal," Palutena smiled, "My praise is that it looked way too good to actually taste good."
"Marth, Link, what will you do in the US?" Kirby asked.
"I want to meet the president," Marth told Kirby, "And I'd love to take a tour of the White House."
"You can't just meet the president and go to the White House," Link explained to Marth, "They're not things for tourists."
"Fuck you, I'm rich and royalty, I do whatever I want."
The two walked off stage and continued their argument while everyone just stared for a minute.
"The two weebs lucky enough to go to Japan are the ones who made the tastiest meal," Palutena said.
"It looked disgusting but it tasted so good," Kirby drooled, "Should have given it a higher score. Ike, Roy, tell me how you feel."
"I can't wait!" Roy grinned, "I'm really excited about being able to speak Japanese again. I thought I'd never get a chance again."
"When are all these trips even taking place?" Ike asked only to be ignored.
Kirby kicked the two off stage and Palutena grabbed the last small prize.
"The winners of this trip to Australia made the best meal overall and balanced all the elements needed to make a good meal," Palutena announced.
"With an impressive score of twenty-two, Pit and Ike made the best meal with their oysters!" Kirby cheered.
"Yay!" Pit smiled, "What's Australia? Is it that place where everything is upside down?"
"I'm not going to bother explaining..." Ike sighed.
"That's it for the small-a prizes," Mario said, "Make-a sure to tune in after the commercial-a break!"
"What commercial break?"
*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*
"Welcome-a back to the finale!" Mario announced, "Now, we will-a proceed to the medium-a prizes!"
"This person was the best teammate anyone could ask for," Palutena started, "He was the only person to not get a score underneath 6 for teamwork. With a grand total of 33 points for teamwork, he has earned the right to have a jacuzzi for his room."
"Roy, how do you feel about getting a jacuzzi?" Kirby asked.
"I'm looking forward to it!" Roy smiled, "How big will it be?"
"Six feet so you can sit five feet apart from the bros you're not gay for."
"Um... In meters?"
"Around your height, 1.8 something."
Roy walked off the stage feeling really excited. He was getting two trips and a jacuzzi. How could his day get any better?
"With 35 points for presentation, this person made the most beautiful meals," Palutena announced, "He has earned the right to have a sauna in his room."
"Marth, are you excited for your sauna?" Kirby asked.
"Will I have to share it with Roy and Ike?"
"You three share a room, so yeah. But hey, you're allowed to go in Roy's jacuzzi as much as you want to."
Marth was satisfied with the pink puff's response. To be honest, he was looking forward to the jacuzzi way more than the sauna. His room was on fire half the time, so it didn't really need a sauna.
"This final prize goes to the person who made the most delicious meals," Palutena smiled, "With 27 points for taste, he earned the right to win a water slide that goes to the mansion's pool."
"Ike, who will test your water slide?" Kirby asked.
"How will all of this fit in our room?" Ike asked.
"Um… Commercial break time!"
"Wait, that's-a my line!"
*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*
"Welcome back! It's-a time for the grand prizes! Are you all-a excited? You better be! The results might-a shock you!"
"In last place, the person who owes me money," Palutena smirked, "With a score of 67, Link you owe me!"
"What!?" the Hylian shouted, "But I'm the only one who knows how to cook!"
"Tell that to Marth and the uneatable pudding you made. You're lucky we didn't halve your points!"
Link was pissed but he couldn't do anything. He really did mess up everything with the pudding. But it annoyed him that he obviously made the best dinner and wasn't getting rewarded for that.
"In fourth place, you weren't originally supposed to get a prize," the goddess sighed, "But with an amazing score of 69 we couldn't resist. Pit, you get a coupon to get whichever erotic literature collection you want."
"Yay!" Pit cheered, "Wait, but I can't read. What will I do with the heroic literature?"
"It's okay, I'll take care of that for you."
Pit was confused but he was still grateful that the judges gave him a prize. He wasn't sure what was so special about his score. Maybe it was Palutena's lucky number or something.
"In third place, with a score of 70. Marth wins gummy bears."
"Gummy bears?" Marth yelled, "But I need to go on a diet!"
"You really don't. You're lighter than little kids."
Marth appeared to be upset with his packet of gummy bears. He tried a gummy bear and noticed it actually tasted pretty good. Not that he'd tell anyone.
"In second place, this man earned 72 points and won a free meal at his restaurant of choice. Ike, how do you feel?"
"I'm really excited!" Ike grinned, "I can't wait to go to an all you can eat barbecue place!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's a restaurant of our choice, not yours. You get to try the new vegan restaurant that sponsoring us. It will open tomorrow!"
Ike wanted to cry. Crying about food was the only time crying was acceptable. He hated the garbage that was vegan food. It didn't taste good. He had tried vegan meatballs once and they were the blandest meatballs imaginable. He'd rather eat a burnt meatball with too much salt on it than a vegan one.
"And with a score of 74 points, Roy gets a 100k gift card for the licorice store that sponsored today's event!"
"But I don't like licorice," Roy complained.
"Oh, poor you. Now join the others so we can take photos."
The five friends posed for the camera with the most annoyed-looking faces in the world, except for Pit who was smiling awkwardly.
*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*
Master Hand couldn't stop laughing. The decision to livestream the event had paid off. He had smashed records once again.
Now any show he'd release would meet similar if not higher levels of success. He had truly conquered the underground TV industry. Soon, he'd be able to dominate the mainstream TV industry.
Meanwhile, Crazy Hand still didn't know why Master Hand couldn't stop laughing but he had noticed there was a larger amount of money in the smash mansion's bank account. And hey, he wasn't going to complain about having more money to waste on pointless stuff.
*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*
Link, Marth, Roy, Ike and Pit were all sitting on the sofa in the living room watching Come dine with me.
"Our experience was nothing like theirs," Link laughed, "We should probably never do this again."
"You're just saying that because now you're broke!" Pit argued.
"Nah, if we do it again everything we went through will lose meaning," Ike told Pit, "And I'm pretty sure Marth and Roy don't ever want to cook again."
"I didn't think it would be this traumatizing," Roy admitted, "I think I'll become insane if I ever step foot in a kitchen again."
"Implying you're not already insane," Marth smirked.
"Like you're one to talk!"
"Guys, don't fight!" Pit pleaded, "This is the moment we all say how much fun we had together and how we're looking forward to having more fun together in the future."
"That's just plain stupid," Ike said.
Everyone was about to get into a fight until Link stopped them by telling them they should all eat Marth's gummies. Marth would have protested but he couldn't let anyone know he like the gummy bears.
So the five friends ate gummy bears together until everyone but Link got a stomach ache from the raw chicken that had been eaten the previous night and was forced to run to the toilet.