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It visits him in the night.
When the tide ebbs with the full moon, Dazai stands on the rocky shores of the sea and stares out into an endless expanse of black, entranced by the peaks of gentle waves that glimmer with the light of scattered stars.
Until his eyes adjust to the darkness, he hums a sorrowful little tune, and slowly the shape of something round and still in the waters makes itself apparent. A head, floating just above the surface.
He shakes, the dotted reflection of stars bob gently, but two pinpricks of light remain fixed, round and piercing.
A pair of eyes, glowing demonic white, unblinking.
It approaches him, growing larger in shape until Dazai can see it peering up at him from the shallows. Fear and bile rises in his throat, because unlike the whimsical creatures in novels with nacre scales and flowing silk fins, the creature that rises out of the water is formless and black.
The vague shape of fins protrude from each side of its head, its body drips and oozes like tar, and every so often Dazai catches a glimpse of bleached white bones sticking out in grotesque, jagged forms. It’s dripping arms claw at the rocks and drags itself towards him, moving with jerking twitches and staining the shore with crawling black corruption.
Dazai kneels in front of it, his face pale from fright, but his expression remains passive, lifeless. When it speaks, a jagged maw splits open from its face, revealing needle-like teeth inside the pit of its mouth.
“Do I scare you?” It asks, voice gentle and melodic despite its appearance. Dazai often hears that these creatures always have enchanting voices.
“Quite frankly, you look like you come from the depths of my worst nightmares.”
A hissing sound accompanies the flared fins on its head, the creature clearly miffed by Dazai’s response.
“It’s alright, Chuuya, you’re a cute brand of ugly.”
The formless blob of its body ripples in irritation and begins to tighten up, gradually forming into a more familiar shape with the torso of a man and a tail with wet scales shimmering in hues of cobalt that matches its eyes.
“Hmm, better, but I still think your true form is cuter.” Dazai remarks with a teasing smile, and Chuuya cannot discern if he is serious or not. Whatever the case, the man seems to stop shaking like a leaf whenever he takes this form, which makes it much easier to talk to him without feeling self conscious.
“I still don’t understand how you humans came up with this image of a ‘mermaid’... It’s impractical and unrealistic.” Chuuya coils a strand of wet auburn hair around his finger with a grimace, his tail flicking in annoyance every second.
“Well you have a point, most deep sea creatures look like blobs anyway. Still, this form does have merit in aesthetics.”
“Just call me pretty and be done with it.”
Dazai chuckles and reaches forward to smooth a hand over the scales, sliding his fingers in between a pair of iridescent fins on his ventral front. The reaction is immediate, the end of Chuuya’s tail lifts upward and trembles as he shudders, eyes squeezing shut.
“Do you have any idea what you’re touching?!”
“Eh? Could it be? Chuuya’s special secret fishling-making parts?!” His eyes blow up into wide saucers as he completely ignores any idea of personal space and frantically pats the spot between the fins with mischievous shit-eating grin.
“Idiot!”
Dazai receives the full brunt of a tail smacking into his face and chokes out a laugh as he collapses onto the rocks.
“I don’t even have reproductive parts, do you not know anything about merman anatomy?!”
“Well to be fair, most accounts of merpeople depict majestic half-human half-fish creatures and not the literal blob that you are.” Sitting himself up again, Dazai rubs at the red mark on his face and sidles closer to the redhead, an action that Chuuya picks up on immediately.
The mood suddenly shifts from easygoing to solemn.
“You want something.” He remarks and leans in, only for Dazai to turn his chin away to face the dark waters. The habits and mannerisms of humans are strange to Chuuya, they never speak their heart and always hide inside themselves. The one way he can ever tell what Dazai feels is through his eyes, because he can understand the way they cloud over and shift between mahogany and amber, he understands the sorrow beneath the sheen of unshed tears.
“Just couldn’t sleep.” Always the vague answer, but Chuuya has grown used to that by now. He knows nothing of the human world, nothing of the life this man leads, so he understands why Dazai never tells him anything. How could he ever sympathize if he knows absolutely nothing?
A brief silence passes, Dazai simply content to have someone by his side while Chuuya… Chuuya flips his tail against the rock with his brows furrowed in deep thought. The man is irritating and infuriating to the point where it boils his blood, but when all of that is stripped away, Chuuya only sees scars and open wounds.
“I heard your kind is supposed to have a beautiful singing voice, is that true?” Dazai tilts his head towards him, eyes barely visible through the curling locks of his hair. A lullaby? Chuuya feels he can manage that.
When he parts his lips and draws a steady breath, a quiet sound barely above a whisper weaves into notes, slowly growing in a crescendo until it sounds like a drowning seagull squawking.
The moment Dazai erupts into raucous laughter, Chuuya snaps his mouth shut and bristles his fins, cheeks flushing a bright red in embarrassment.
“W-what the hell was that?” Dazai chokes out between fits of laughter, and in response Chuuya puffs out like an insulted blowfish.
“My voice doesn’t work that well on land- You know what, come here.” A thin hand snatches Dazai’s bolo tie and drags him forward on the rocks. He barely has the time to protest before the cold shock of the sea hits his face and engulfs him. His lips part with escaping bubbles, bitter seawater fills his mouth and invades his lungs painfully. With eyes wide he frantically blinks in the darkness until he makes out shimmering scales and auburn hair illuminated by the moonlight.
A pair of arms wrap around him, and then, soft lips press against his, breathing warmth into his body and filling him with a sense of comfort. When Chuuya parts to gaze at him, Dazai can see him clearly in the darkness. The water no longer assaults his lungs as he breathes in and out.
They float together, suspended in streaming moonlight as Dazai hangs on and Chuuya gently kicks his tail to support them. Something lights up in the center of Chuuya’s chest, a gentle candescent glowing, and when he parts his lips, a melodious hum surrounds them. The sound is layered honey and bubbly like the sweetest marble soda, and all Dazai can do is gaze in awe, his features alight with an innocent wonder.
The notes ebb and flow like the waves, lulling him into a dreamy daze as they begin to sink deeper and deeper into the sea. Something in the waters shifts around him, not realizing when he closed his eyes, Dazai opens them and freezes like a corpse. The moonlight has long faded, no longer able to penetrate the cold depths of the ocean, and in its place is the menacing glow of jagged teeth and leering eyes of the creatures that lurk in deep darkness.
He is afraid, terrified of the sinister silhouettes swimming around him, imagining their maws opening wide to swallow him whole and he would drown in the deepest pits of the ocean, with only a watery grave to await him. In his panic he thrashes, but Chuuya wraps his arms around him, holding him close to the glowing center of his chest and changes his song to comfort and lull. Slowly his tail melts back into the formless inky black of his original form, enveloping Dazai in countless tendrils that hold him securely.
Dazai leans into him and feels them drifting to a stop at the bottom of the ocean, and when he lifts his head, it looks as though they were lying among the stars. Scattered all across the seafloor are countless pearls shimmering and swaying in the currents. The monsters of the deep are long gone, leaving only the two of them and a white sand bed glimmering with constellations like the night sky.
For the first time in years, Dazai feels safe, and allows the gentle melody humming from Chuuya’s lips to ease him into a quiet, dreamless sleep.
***
Dazai visits him in the day.
Strange, the man usually waits until nightfall, but regardless Chuuya floats toward the shore like a black shadow and drags himself onto the rocks before shifting into a familiar form with fins and scales.
“Good lord you are even more terrifying in broad daylight.” Dazai shudders with a grimace, and on most instances Chuuya would smack his legs right from under him, but this time, he sees that something is wrong.
Wordlessly, Chuuya reaches up and grabs him by the shirt to drag him into a sitting position. Dazai barely makes a sound as the merman hauls himself on top of him, their chests pressed tightly together as cold hands cup his cheeks.
Chuuya’s brow furrows in confusion, his thumb traces the redness lining Dazai’s eyes.
“You’re crying.”
The two words spoken so softly catch him off guard, and for a second Dazai stares at him in stunned silence, until he closes his eyes and laughs wryly, reaching up to grasps Chuuya’s hands in his.
“Yea…” A tear slips down his cheek, and in curious fascination the redhead touches it gingerly, watching it disappear into the wetness of his fingers.
Humans don’t cry the same as he does, but he can feel the grief regardless.
“Odasaku… My- My friend… He’s dead.”
“Dead?” Chuuya lowers himself, sinking into Dazai’s arms for support as he gazes up at those brilliant mahogany eyes. He grips his fingers into the front of Dazai’s shirt, wondering if humans feel the same aching tightness in their sorrow, and when he places an ear against his chest, he hears the desperate thudding of a heart too tired to continue on, the same as his own.
“He left… I couldn’t reach him, I couldn’t make him stay.”
“......”
Dazai begins to shake in absolute silence, and Chuuya doesn’t know what to do when it feels like the body pressed tightly against him might fall apart at any moment.
Chuuya doesn’t understand death or loss, but he understands loneliness. All he can think to do now is press himself tightly into Dazai’s chest until they fall backward onto the rocks. Dazai blinks the sunlight out of his eyes as Chuuya holds him tight. Then, he laughs. He laughs through bitter tears and open gashes on his heart, because even when he feels so broken, at the very least Chuuya is there to ease the pain away.
One more day… he thinks. One more day in this world wouldn’t be so bad, as long as he’s not alone.
***
Once again, Dazai visits him in the day, and unlike last time, Chuuya is incredibly irritated.
“Uh… Chuuya?” Dazai stands several paces away from the merman, shifting on his feet as a head and torso rises from the shapeless black mass on the rocks and hisses at him. A dozen tendrils slap wetly against the rock, Dazai presses his lips tight, unsure of what to do with the spitting angry creature in front of him.
“Why can’t you come back during nighttime?” It bares jagged teeth at him, seawater spilling from its jaws and splashing onto the rock.
“Uh, is now not a good time?”
“Look!” Chuuya shoves forward his… arm(?), and all Dazai can do is squint at the inky surface.
“Uhh… yes, that’s very nice. Wait- Are you showing me your penis?!” Dazai does a backtake as Chuuya screeches at him and vibrates angrily. Figuring that Dazai couldn’t see what was wrong in this form, he shifts and shrinks until he’s all red skin and inflamed scales.
Pointing at his arm, Chuuya glares when Dazai’s eyes widen in realization.
“Ohh! You got a sunburn.” A sputtering sound escapes Dazai’s lips as he bites back a laugh, face scrunching up in amusement to see Chuuya absolutely and literally red with anger.
“Moron! It’s because I spent all day out in the sun with you last time.” His tail slaps angrily against the rock, making a high pitched sound like a mix between a whine and a screech as his fins flare out in a display of vibrant and aggressive colors.
“Okay, okay. Give me a second.” Letting out a couple stray chuckles, Dazai holds up his hands and trots towards the water’s edge before stripping off his coat. The redhead watches with a scowl as he dunks the coat in the water, ruining it with seawater but effectively creating a cool, wet blanket. When he returns, he drapes the coat over Chuuya’s head and shoulders, covering him like a heavy shroud.
“Better?”
The annoyance is still apparent in Chuuya’s features, but he gladly accepts the jacket and draws the edges closer to his body with a squint.
“Fine…”
“Good, now give me another second. I brought something for you today.”
Finally, Chuuya’s expression melts away into curiosity as Dazai waves and trots back towards the mainland. He sits up, tucking his nose into the hem of the coat while waiting, his tail curls underneath him to support his weight.
When Dazai returns, there’s a bundle of, something , in his arms, best described as delicate starfish in the redhead’s eyes.
“I used to see you staring at these where they grow on the bluff. They’re called daylilies.” He kneels down in front of Chuuya, taking his hand to guide them to the bundle of stems, then points to the distance.
The bluff in question juts out towards the sea in the distance, and along its grassy slope are patches of white that sway gently in the sea breeze.
“So that’s what they were, I’ve never seen these up close before.” He gazes down at the daylilies in thought, running a finger down a curved petal and feeling its velvety softness. On curious impulse, Chuuya brings the bouquet to his face and nips at a petal, missing the way Dazai’s lips twist up in an amused smile. He scrunches his nose at the bitter taste, but the fragrance is pleasant enough.
“Thanks, I guess.” Chuuya rubs at his cheek, trying to urge the tingling feeling away without realizing that he was blushing a rosy pink.
Suddenly he feels a hand grip his chin, tilting his head up to meet Dazai’s as a pair of lips press tenderly against his. Dazai leans in to him, sighing gently against the kiss and touching their foreheads together in parting.
“Dazai…” Their gazes connect, clear cerulean reflecting the endearment in warm amber.
“You know I can already breathe air, right?”
Something bursts in Dazai’s chest, the sweet feeling popping like rock candy as he sputters in laughter. He wonders what he ever did to deserve someone like Chuuya.
Unfazed by Dazai’s sudden giddiness, the redhead flicks his tail and perks up.
“I have something for you also.”
Reaching up towards his chest, Chuuya closes his eyes and wills a round, pearlescent bead to form in his hands. He holds it out to Dazai and drops it carefully into his palm, letting it roll around and shimmer in the sunlight.
“I made it myself.”
Upon closer inspection, Dazai’s eyes widen with amazement as he takes a deep breath.
“Chuuya! You laid an egg?! I knew you could do it~”
In half a second flat Dazai was smacked onto his back with a red scales imprinted across his face.
“I not an egg! It’s a pearl… Treasure it well because it’s supposed to be rare.” At least, he thinks so. Chuuya wouldn’t really know. Dazai sits up with a chuckle and closes his hand around the pearl, pleasantly surprised that his angry little sea creature made a gift for him.
“When did you make this?”
“.... The other day, when you told me your friend died. You were so sad that I…” Chuuya clamps his lips shut then, eyes averting as his expression twists with uncertainty. Dazai is silent again, his expression unreadable, and Chuuya doesn’t know what else to say.
“If it makes you feel any better, I can’t exactly die like a human, so... “
The words never make it out of his lips, but the message is there, written on his heart and beautifully displayed for Dazai to see.
I’ll always be there for you.
In the silence of the moment, all they can hear is the sound of gentle waves caressing the shore, until Dazai leans forward and presses their foreheads together, feeling as though he had the strength to move heaven and earth as long as he had Chuuya.
“Thank you, Chuuya. I promise to you that I will always come back to you, for as long as I am able.” A shuddering sigh escapes his lips, unshed tears brim in his eyes but his smile outshines their gleam.
“I will never leave you.”
That sunlit day, they whisper eternal promises to each other, with Dazai’s coat draped over Chuuya like a veil and a bouquet of daylilies clutched against his chest, they seal their vows with a devoted kiss.
***
Dazai never visits him again.
The azure blue sea fades to a misty grey in the winter and endless rain falls from the blanket of clouds. The daylilies on the bluff wilt and scatter their withered petals to the waves below.
Chuuya waits, and waits, and waits…
The heart that Dazai had filled up with sweet and cherished things begins to crack like glass until the sharp edges stick out painfully in his chest. Something inside him dies and rots, leaving bitter disappointment and utter black hatred.
The wintry winds rush in like a maelstrom, carrying a turbulent and violent tempest that thrashes the waves and roars across the skies.
A crack of lightning splits the sky. In the chaos Chuuya heaves himself onto the shore and rips his jaws wide in a howling scream, the agonized cry lost to the sound of thunder.
LIAR
***
Just one more day.
If he can survive one more day-
A ripping pain tears at his side, every breath is a knife at his throat as he runs.
Just one more hour.
If he can make it to the shore-
Dazai collapses against the grass, trembling in the unforgiving rain that bites into his skin like cold needles. His fingers claw at the grass, crushing the last remaining daylilies at the base of the bluff. Blood oozes from between his fingers and stains the white petals a sickening crimson.
They’re coming for him. Once upon a time he might’ve been able to take the entire mafia, when he was known as the demon prodigy. Now… he’s grown soft, and all he wants is…
To see Chuuya one last time-
The heavens roar above him, flashing with lightning strikes as he grits his teeth and wills his numbing body to stand up and climb the bluff.
Not matter how grueling it is, no matter how his body screams as the rain pelts at him, he keeps himself going with a whisper of their vows on his lips.
I promise to you that I will always come back to you.
For as long as I am able.
I will never leave you.
The sea below him swirls violently as he stands atop the bluff, the plummet is unforgiving, but he has nowhere else to run. His breath comes out in ragged heaves, brows stitched together in pain as he gazes down at the crashing waves. Through the dizzy blur of his failing vision, Dazai sees a sable mass beneath the water.
He lifts his gaze to the sky, letting the raindrops mingle with his tears, and leans forward until the ground beneath him disappears.
A relentless wind rushes in his ears, his clothes rip and flutter as he falls, and when all he sees is a black sea, he closes his eyes.
The impact breaks his body, crushing the air from his lungs, and then, he sinks…
***
When he first saw the pearls scattered on the seafloor, he thought they looked like stars dispersed in an endless sky. Now, they clump together in sheer numbers, creating celestial clusters that glimmer brilliantly.
He’s floating again, with gentle arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him close against a chest that glows a warm hue. A comforting melody caresses his ears, and when he reaches up to touch delicate cheeks, he sees iridescent tears sliding down and falling onto the white sand to form opaline pearls.
Dazai brushes them away and leans in to whisper against singing lips, adding to their vows, because here, in the deepest reaches of the capricious sea, nothing will ever be able to part them.
In sickness and in health…
From now until eternity...
I will always love you...