Chapter Text
Jim scuffed his foot against the ground, feeling the frustration growing inside his gut. There had been a new drill in his Practical Interactions class today, a diplomatic exchange scenario that should have been easy for his group to successfully moderate. But.
Jim started a war instead.
He was internally kicking himself. Yet again, his impulsive decision had placed his group last in the class for crisis management. It was all his fault.
He played the scenario in his head over and over, the simulated meeting had been going so well, right up to the conclusion, when the chancellor their group was negotiating with wrapped an arm around the neck of Ensign Green. The rest of the chamber exploded with sound as the alien diplomats let out a scream. Jim didn’t think of anything other than the safety of his friend as he pulled out his phaser, quickly and precisely striking the chancellor in the head with a killing beam.
The simulation dissolved around their group, and Jim glanced around the room to see his classmates with their heads hung in frustration, Jacob Green shot him a sympathetic look as Commander Alexander descended from the observation chamber.
“Ensign Kirk, at attention.” Alexander sounded weary, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Jim snapped his phaser back onto his belt, he had still been holding it outstretched and pointed where the chancellor had stood moments before. He straightened his back and made his face as slated as he could, but he could feel a red tinge of embarrassment creeping up his neck.
“Ensign, would you care to explain why you choose to assassinate the leader of a new federation status planet right after negotiations had been positively concluded?”
Jacob was saying something to his right. Jim snapped out of his recollection, turning to glance at his friend walking next to him across the campus green.
“Earth to Kirk! Come on, man, you were just trying to save me from being choked out by a martian. How were you supposed to know that it was a celebratory gesture?” Jacob bumped Jim’s shoulder with his own, clearly trying to cheer him up. It worked.
“Again, I’m pretty sure that just calling any alien lifeforms 'martian' is racist.” Jim cracked a smile at his friend, shifting the weight of his textbooks to lie more comfortably in his arms. “And, honestly, I’m not upset that I got another reprimand from the commander, I’m annoyed that I wasted a strike trying to save your ass.”
Green scoffed, indignant, “Hey! I’m grateful for my ass, and that you saved it! I’ll still take you on my away missions, Ensign. As soon as I’m a Captain, you’ll be my first choice for security officer.”
Jim was grateful for the joke. He wasn’t popular with his classmates at the moment, so it was good to know that Jacob was still on his side.
“What do you think Alexander the ‘Mander wants to meet with you about? It's not like he can chew you out any more than what he did in class. And,” Green placed a reassuring hand on Jim’s arm, “you’re still top of the class in academics, there’s no way he’ll bump you from command training just because you’re behind in practical.”
Jim let out a thoughtful breath. “I don’t know. I appreciate the confidence, but this is the third simulation I’ve outright flunked. There’s a saying for three strikes, Green.”
Jim lay in bed, fiddling with a puzzle cube and effectively ignoring the blinking screen of his padd reminding him of a dozen papers due within the week. Leonard was at his residency and he’d be working the graveyard shift, so Jim had the room to himself tonight. It was 2200. If he got to work now, he wouldn’t have to be up too late with his writing.
He sighed, resigning himself to sitting down at his desk and being productive for the next few hours when the comm screen buzzed.
“Call from Captain Christopher Pike, James Kirk.” the computer droned out the names impersonally, but Jim felt a vice grip his throat, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. He shouldn’t know what happened in class, right? They wouldn’t have notified him for something so inconsequential. But Jim knew that he would want to know, want to help however he could. So even if they hadn’t notified him of the failed simulation, Jim decided he would tell the captain.
Apprehension boiling in his gut, Jim flipped the screen on to find himself face to face with his mentor, the man looked relaxed in a knit sweater as he peered over reading glasses. His face, grizzled but kind, filled the screen and his salt and pepper hair looked damp from a shower.
“Jim.” The Captain gave a half smile. “You can relax, the Commander let me know what happened. Not strictly in his line of duty, but I think he’s worried about you and he wanted my advice on… well, I thought I’d give you a call and see how you’re holding up, anyway.”
He looked at the younger man expectantly, a hint of concern playing at the crinkles on the corners of his eyes.
“I’m alright, really, Captain,” Jim released a breath and scratched at the back of his neck. “The incident in the simulation was entirely my fault, I know, but I hope that in the future, I can remember the lesson I learned today and make a better call. I wasn’t thinking.”
Captain Pike sighed, avoiding the ensign’s eyes.
“Jim, that right there is your problem. You need to get your head out of your heart and think about the greater good rather than your personal connections. I understand that you and Ensign Green are good friends,” He paused, glancing back at Jim before allowing the rest of his thought out. “But Jim… Space is dangerous. Diplomacy is not simple. If you want a command of your own one day, you’re going to have to accept the risks!”
Jim’s brows furrowed. “With all respect, sir, I understand the dangers clearly. I would gladly sacrifice myself for any of my friends or crew. I have no issue in laying myself on the line to protect a mission or ensure the success of another. My life has never been my biggest concern, and — by extent — danger is a pretty low hurdle.”
“I’m not talking about you,” he replied, “I’m saying… I’m saying that command comes with a responsibility for more lives than your own. And there are tough calls to make. You can’t save everyone, Jim, and sometimes even the attempt can have disastrous consequences. Your simulation today. It was designed to test if your class would choose to preserve the relationships you had made during negotiations even if it meant endangering the life of one of your peers. You had no idea if Ensign Green was going to live or die, but no matter what, your response should not have been to shoot the world’s leader in the head!”
“Sir, I-”
“No, Jim!” The captain snapped. “Look,” he softened again, his face slackening in defeated apology, “there are going to be some changes coming up for you. I can’t say you’re going to like them. But please, for my sake, just try and take Commander Alexander’s idea seriously. Put yourself wholeheartedly into this new… exercise he’s going to have you doing. I think it’ll do you some good. I’ve already signed off on it.”
“Sir? I’m not sure I… Uh… What kind of exercise, sir?” Jim felt the apprehension showing on his face, but there was nothing he could do to hold it back. Special treatment wasn’t always a good thing, he found.
“The Commander will explain it all to you in your meeting tomorrow. Don’t stress about it too much, I’m just not the one to try to tell you about it.”
That did not help Jim relieve the stress.
“It’ll be fine, Ensign. I’ll talk to you soon to check up on you. Until then… just… do your best. Bye, Jim.”
“Thank you Captain. Goodbye.” Pike reached forward to flicked his comm off and the screen went dark. Jim’s face was full of tension that he had to actively disperse, unfurrowing his brows, unclenching his jaw, and relaxing the muscles of his cheeks. He ran a hand through his hair, landing it on the back of his neck. There was just no way he could get any of that work done tonight.
Bones came in next morning at 0600 hours. He looked tired, but not as tired as Jim felt. He’d been up until 0300 trying to focus, but Captain Pike’s words kept coming back to him; you can’t save everyone, Jim . The words put a weight in his heart that recalled feelings of an empty stomach, the smell of ash…
But Jim could save Leonard. He had a cup of coffee waiting for his roommate when he got out of the shower, and had shoved all of his papers and his padd into the open backpack where it lay slung to the floor by the door as Leonard came in.
The routine was easy for them, late nights turned into early mornings for the doctor in his residency, many times the shifts would bleed into the pair’s 0800 classes that they shared. Today, it was Ecology And Its Hazards (EcoHaz for short) that they rushed off to bleary-eyed and stumbling. The class was meant to teach proper precautions when visiting new Class-M planets
“Just because the atmosphere is friendly,” repeated the professor for the hundredth time, “doesn’t mean the plants are.”
As the minutes stretched, Jim elbowed Bones to his left, trying to keep him awake. The man blinked angrily, grumbling as Jim pointed to the chalkboard.
“Bones, you gotta pay attention, ‘professor said this is sure to be on entrance exams.” Jim lied, just hoping for some company during the lecture.
“Jim, I’m a doctor, not a botanist.” he replied, eliciting a chuckle from the man on his right. “I don’t see why this is a mandatory class for me, not like I’ll be the one exploring new planets. That’s why we’ve got schmucks like you for the away teams.”
“Yeah, schmucks like me who’re about to get placed on probation or something for sucking so bad in Practical Interactions.” Jim couldn’t help it. He was nervous about what Commander Alexander’s new exercise was going to entail. He could use some reassurance from his best friend.
Bones hit Jim lightly on the shoulder with the back of his hand, sat up straighter in his seat and started taking notes. His little way of showing Jim that he was behind him, rooting for him. It made Jim feel a little more at ease knowing that he had someone in his corner.
After class, The two walked together to the simulation commander’s offices across campus. It was a plain building that housed the simulation classrooms on the first floor with no windows and three floors of office space above, where Commander Alexander was waiting. Bones was the first to reach the door, and held it open for Jim. When he saw the hesitation in Jim’s eyes, he reached out to grab his shoulder.
“Jim, honest to god it’s gonna be just fine. You know he’s just trying to help, and besides — you yourself said Pike signing off on it meant that it’s a good thing! Just keep an open mind. We can meet up later today for dinner and you’ll tell me all about it, yeah?” And Bones gave him a light push through the door.
“Thanks, Bones, yeah I’ll catch you up.” Jim said, turning one last time to wave his friend off before heading up the fluorescent-lit stairwell.
The commander’s office was on the fourth floor of the building. The door was cracked open and the light was on inside. He was certainly there.
Jim gave a gentle rap on the wood, pushing the door open slightly as a voice came from within.
“Oh, sorry, commander I didn’t realize — sorry I’ll wait out here until you’re done with your —” Jim spluttered when he saw another student sitting opposite Commander Alexander, a tall, lean man with dark hair and eyes, a lieutenant , Jim noticed by the uniform, and Vulcan , the ears gave away.
“That’s quite alright, Jim, Mister Spock here is part of our meeting. Please, come in and sit down.” The Vulcan — Lieutenant Spock — raised a slanted eyebrow at Jim, curiosity plain on his face. Jim realized he’d been standing in the doorway staring at the man for far too long and took a step forward into the room.
He stood there for a few moments, feeling exposed, until Commander Alexander gestured toward the empty seat across his desk. Right next to the Lieutenant. Jim took the seat gratefully and gave a questioning look to the Commander.
Alexander considered the two students for a moment before speaking.
“Jim.” He began, focusing his eyes on the younger man. “Let me start by asking, do you know why you're here?” His gaze was stern, it left no room to evade.
“Sir, I have spoken with Captain Pike, my advisor, and I understand that you have come up with some kind of exercise to help me improve my performance in Practical Interactions simulations.” Jim shifted uncomfortably. What was this other man doing here? Why call an upperclassman in on something that he has nothing to do with?
The Commander gave a small smile. “Something like that. But I didn’t come up with it, and I’m not sure if exercise is quite the right word. It’ll be — well, I guess it’ll be more like — well, Spock, how would you describe these sessions Jim will be taking part in?” With that, the Commander glanced at the other man, allowing for a dialogue to begin.
“Commander, I believe that the most apt description in your human terms would be emotional sensitivity training.” The Lieutenant sounded slated, like a pre-recorded message.
“Jim, what do you know about Vulcan culture?” the commander asked.
This took him aback. Vulcan culture? What does that have anything to do with this? Jim felt like he was already emotionally sensitive, he never said anything offensive, he actually considered himself a rather empathetic person! Emotional sensitivity training? And the Vulcan — Jim still couldn’t place him. What does an emotionless alien have to say about sensitivity?
The confusion must have shown on his face, because the commander held up a hand as if to slow his thoughts.
“Jim, starfleet sees potential in you. We’re invested in your future, and we want you to go far, or else we wouldn’t have you in command training. Your issue is that you don’t think. Your emotions make all the decisions before your mind has any input! So we’ve brought in Mister Spock here to see if he can impart some of his knowledge on emotional control onto you.”
Everything dawned on Jim at once. “You’re saying… that you want me… to learn how to… suppress… my emotional responses? From a Vulcan?” Yeah, this should go well. “All due respect, sir, but I think I would be more comfortable seeing a certified counselor who is equipped to actually teach these tactics. Not some upperclassman with a god complex.”
“I have no god complex, as you call it, Ensign Kirk. I was simply assigned this task as you were. Bridging the gap between Human and Vulcan is one of my duties here at starfleet, and another is following the orders given to me by superior officers. I suggest you do the same.” There was something so inflammatory about the way the words slid from the Lieutenant's mouth. Maybe the Vulcan didn’t have a god complex, but there was a certain sense of superiority in the way his long fingers folded themselves neatly in his lap.
“I’ll have no argument from you, ensign. It is either you commit to these training sessions or I’ll have you knocked out of command training and assigned as an engineering grunt before you can say ‘boldly go’”