Chapter Text
Key: italics indicate inner thoughts of Virgil. Bold italics are for ***** and will only be used when they are talking.
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Virgil felt the darkness swallowing him from below. He squeezed his eyes shut and pleaded for the voice to stop. He didn’t care that he was sinking. He only wanted it to stop
You failed, Anxiety. Just like we always knew you would.
Virgil was too exhausted to argue… I can’t argue with the truth. Virgil had one job as a main side; protect Thomas, and he had failed to do that. I’m sorry, Thomas. Virgil let his body relax into the dark liquid surrounding him and took a final breath before he was fully submerged.
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Logan, Patton and Roman sat on the lounge in the common area of the mindscape; watching ‘Learning new things about ourselves’ play on a large screen. Roman was pretty much glowing with pride as Patton commented on how well the video turned out.
“Aww, look at how cute Virgil’s puppet is,” Patton beamed. “It looks almost exactly like the one you made, Virgil.”
Virgil was sitting in the corner on his bean bag; hoodie pulled up and arms crossed firmly in front of him. Virgil never felt good about Thomas uploading a new video. There were so many possible consequences to consider and emotions filter and process. Regardless, he gave Patton a half smile and a thumbs up. I shouldn’t pass my negativity onto him.
“I thought you said you were going to make my puppet look more metallic?” Logan looked pointedly at Roman. “My puppet was metal and that clearly does not look like any metal alloy I have ever come across.”
“Well…I…” Roman was flustered; Virgil couldn’t help but smirk. “I did tell you that we couldn’t make the puppet look exactly the same. We are fictitious remember.”
“Yes, but you assured me that there would be an effect added to make it look more realistic. Were you simply providing a falsehood to calm me down?"
"What?” Roman glanced around, searching for the appropriate way to respond. “Do you really think I would do such a thing?" Virgil glanced around the room. Crap! Roman is trying to lie...I am not in the mood to deal with Deceit right now.
"Yes. That is why I inquired." Logan is getting angry. Is Rage here? Is Rage coming? I can’t have Rage and Deceit here at the same time. Logan had his arms crossed and was looking expectantly at Roman.
I’ve gotta stop this. "He was too busy focusing on how great he looked and forgot to ask Thomas to add in the affect." Why the heck did I say that?
Roman looked at Virgil in shock. Logan glanced at Virgil briefly before returning a daggered gaze to Roman. “Of course, you forgot,” Logan stood in front of Roman. “Why would you ever consider the needs of others.”
“Well if you were so concerned, then why didn’t you help with constructing the video?” Roman stood too. Both sides staring directly into each other’s eyes, defending their own sense of right. Patton’s attempts to calm them fell on deaf ears; as per usual. Virgil was scanning the room with heightened vigilance. Where are you, Rage?
“Who does all the research for the videos?”
Look what you did, Anxiety. Shut up.
“Research is pointless if the video isn’t entertaining!”
They are fighting and it is ALL. YOUR. FAULT.
“Would you two just shut up!” Virgil’s sudden loud voice silenced the others instantly.
Patton was relieved. “Thanks, Virgil. Now, I’m sure we can all come together and solve this issue in a more…respectful manner.”
Roman and Logan turned to face Patton and Virgil; waiting for them to continue. Virgil noticed the reflection of another side in Logan’s glasses; one eye flashed red.
“I agree,” Virgil tried to bite his tongue, but he was overwhelmed by frustration. Dang it, Rage! “We should start with Roman admitting that he has an inflated ego, and end with Logan admitting that he is hypercritical.” Shit. Patton looked hurt, as if Virgil had just thrown a perfectly good cookie in the bin or something.
“I don’t have to deal with this. I have other matters to deal with.” Logan marched down the hall towards the door that lead to his corner of Thomas’ mind.
“I too have matters to deal with.” Roman announced, following Logan. “I have a whole imagination kingdom to rule.”
“and I have to further Thomas’ understanding of the world.” Roman opened his door and turned; ready to rebut Logan’s comment, but Logan jumped back in before he could get a word out. “You know, because my job actually helps Thomas get ahead in life.”
Roman was left fuming as Logan quickly slammed his door. He hated not getting the last word in and Logan knew it. “I’m actually the one helping Thomas get ahead in his career!” Roman yelled at the closed door before slamming his own.
Well done, Anxiety. What a wonderful performance. You really do bring out the best in others. Thanks for that. Oh, you are most welcome.
Virgil couldn’t bring himself to look Patton in the eyes; fearing he might catch another glimpse of Rage. Regardless, he already knew that the fatherly figment was looking at him with disapproval. “You don’t need to say anything, Pat.”
Patton sighed, “Virgil did you…”
“Yeah, I’m out.” Virgil teleported to his room before Patton could finish his sentence. With how he was feeling right now, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to deal with a Patton talk right now.
Patton was left alone in the common area. He let out a long breath and started walking to his own door. “Sometimes you guys are worse than children,” he said to the empty hall as he walked down. Virgil heard him though. He was always listening.
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Being different had one perk. The other sides couldn’t sink to their rooms from the common area; but this rule didn’t apply to Virgil. It helped him escape many situations, and he was very thankful for that gift.
Virgil reappeared in the centre of his room. It was different to how Thomas, Talyn and Joan portrayed it in their YouTube videos. They took a lot of creative licence when writing the Sanders Sides series; the fictional world did seem a lot more fun than reality. The room was dark, and the lights struggled to reach the corners. Two massive wardrobes sat on opposite walls; there was a door to a bathroom; a bed against the centre of the back wall. The grey painted walls were chipped, and large cracks ran across them. There were shelves holding books and knick-knacks; but most of these represented key points of fear or worry from Thomas’ life. Virgil didn’t look upon them with much fondness at all.
Two shadowy figments crept forward from the corner of the room. Their shape had always reminded Virgil of a kid with a sheet thrown over their head, attempting to look like a ghost. Only problem was that these weren’t kids; despite their smallish stature. These shadows were the embodiment of Thomas and Virgil’s fears and worries.
“Only two of you. Well that isn’t too bad,” Virgil smirked at the shadows.
Never count your chickens before they hatch, Anxiety.
Virgil blinked and watched as two more shadows emerged from the darkness. Of course. I should never get my hopes up. “Alright. Lets get this over with.”
Virgil took a deep breath in as the shadows enveloped him and his mind was flooded with thoughts; his chest tightened, breathing hitched and tears began to form in his eyes.
Have fun with that, Anxiety.
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“The dark sides…. I made that name up. It’s pretty cool, right?”
Roman’s words echoed around Virgil’s ears, and when he opened his eyes he was no longer in his room. Instead he found himself at the edge of the mindscape, looking over the edge of a cliff. Below was dark emptiness, behind a thick forest and ahead…. a beautiful sunset. I haven’t been here in such a long time. I forgot how beautiful this place was. Virgil looked around and realised he was sitting with four other figures, but they were just out of focus. He turned to the figures on his left and squinted to improve his vision. Slowly, two young sides became clear; Ego and Lust?
Ego sat the furthest away, sporting a grey fedora and a green patterned shirt that made Virgil dizzy to look at. Ego, obviously, didn’t have a care in the world. He knew he looked fabulous and all other opinions were wrong. His face reflected that of a younger Thomas, but his clothes made him look so much older. Lust on the other hand wore a simple button up shirt and black slacks; their face was split with half feminine make up and the other appearing very masculine.
How are Ego and Lust here? They can’t be here. Virgil’s breathing increased as he turned to his right and saw the young sides on his other side. His breathing hitched as Deceit and Rage came into focus.
Where Lust’s face appeared split by make-up, Deceit’s whole body was divided so half of him appeared reptilian. While his right eye was normal, his left sported a yellow, slit eye and his skin was leathery with bright yellow scales. Virgil watched him fiddle with the sleeves of his brown and yellow coat and casually adjust his yellow gloves to cover his scales as much as possible. What is going on here?
Rage slapped Deceit’s hand, “Stop fidgeting and just relax. None of us here care about your scales.” Rage’s voice sounded far away, even though he was right next to Virgil. Rage smoothed back his already slick hair and wiped his hand on his red tank top; looking over at Lust and Ego. I remember this.
Ego stood and reached a hand out to Lust, who gladly used it to pull themself up. “It is time we headed back to the Kingdom, Lust. I’m sure Prince Roman has finished building the north village by now.” No. Please don’t make me do this again.
“You two are really fitting in in the kingdom, aren’t you?” Virgil’s voice echoed out, even though he desperately wanted to bite his tongue (this was become a regular thing). “Just living your best lives with Prince Perfect.”
“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Anxiety,” tittered Lust. “The mindscape is becoming more solid. We impulses either find our place or spend our days roaming the different areas of Thomas’ mind.”
Tell them you understand. “Whatever.”
“It sucks that you found a place you feel safe,” Deceit added. “I hope I never find my place.” Even Deceit was kinder than me back then, and he can only lie.
“Thanks, Deceit.” Ego and Lust spoke in time. They had hung out enough to easily comprehend Deceit’s truth behind his lying curse.
“I’ll see you two around, probably. I visit the kingdom on occasion,” Rage added. The cool breeze was helping him maintain his composure.
Lust lent down and wrapped their arms around Virgil’s shoulders. “You’ll find your place, Anxiety. Come visit us from time to time.” Wish then good luck you idiot. Virgil grumbled at Lust’s comment.
Ego knelt and rested a hand on Virgil’s arm. “You know we will never be far away. And as much as it pains me to admit it…You are an important part of Thomas. You’ll find your place soon.”
Don’t do it. Virgil roughly shrugged Lust and Ego off. “Yeah, yeah. Would you just get out of here already. Your presence is starting to make me feel sick.” No! I didn’t mean it! Don’t leave yet!
Virgil was forced to watch as Deceit and Rage gave Lust and Ego a friendly farewell and the two sunk out.
Once again, a beautiful performance, Anxiety. One of my favourite memories. So... heartfelt.
Virgil opened his eyes and found he was back in his room; laying on the floor breathing heavily. His hands were sore from being clenched in a fist during the nightmare of a memory. As he carefully sat up, Virgil could hear the echo of laughter coming from one of his wardrobes.
“You really are an ass, Depression.”
What more would you expect from me, Anxiety? Besides, that was your memory, not mine.
Virgil could practically hear the grin in Depressions words. But it was true. That wasn’t a fictitious nightmare, or a projection of something that could go wrong with Thomas. It was a true memory from Virgil’s past….and they were the most haunting of all.