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Even though they’re idols – or perhaps because they’re idols – it’s relatively common that the members of IDOLiSH7 are asked questions about dating during interviews. Answering that type of question requires a degree of finesse that Sougo has never really mastered. To be good at it you have to be charming enough to side-step the question (“Hm, maybe sports,” Mitsuki chirps when he’s asked about an ideal date, “I feel like the easiest way to learn about a person is to compete with them!”), or easy-going enough to carry your answer off like a joke (“Drinking at home,” Yamato drawls to the laughing crowd, “I don’t really want to go outside.”), or best of all so totally oblivious that no one worries at all (“I hear there’s a King Pudding amusement park in Saitama,” Tamaki answers hopefully, and then turns to Sougo and follows up with, “Sou-chan, can we go next time?”)
Sougo has always been categorically bad at questions about relationships, but he’s learned recently that he’s equally terrible at dealing with issues within his own, actual, adult relationship.
He hadn’t dated a single person in high school. His parents would never have approved of it – what if he’d dated an heiress and they’d put political capital into the relationship only for nothing to come of it! – and even if rebellion had occurred to him at that point there was no way he could have gotten away with it. He’d been afforded more freedom in university, but from his vague recollections he mostly remembers finding it to be a hassle: a series of desperate, ill-advised flings with people he wouldn’t give himself the chance to get attached to, punctuated by awkward half-conversations over coffee.
The point was that when he’d made up his mind to enter the idol industry, he’d simply marked the possibility of entering into a relationship down as another thing he’d sacrificed for music. Given that he’d never really let himself like anyone genuinely, the idea that he couldn’t date anymore stung a lot less than losing access to his uncle’s guitar or VIP concert tickets.
Even when he’d gone and fallen for Tsunashi Ryuunosuke, dating hadn’t really occurred to him. There were far too many other insurmountable issues to focus on; after all, Ryuu was a member of TRIGGER, and that scandal would be something neither of their careers could conceivably recover from. Even more crushingly, Ryuu was almost certainly straight, and even if he wasn't, he certainly wasn’t interested in Sougo. When Sougo had allowed himself to feel optimism – only fleetingly, and only with the caveat that this was never going to pan out, so he really needed to get a grip already – he’d figured maybe after a couple of drinks Ryuu might let Sougo blow him in the bathroom of some bar and then they would never talk about it again. And that would be sad, Sougo had thought, because he liked Ryuu so much and he’d hate to take advantage of him, but it would be a nice memory anyway.
It had never occurred to Sougo that the feeling might be mutual. That Ryuu would admit to having a crush on him in a parked car at three in the morning. That they’d kiss, and then the next morning they’d meet for coffee and a breakfast set, and the following weekend they’d go out to dinner, and then the weekend after that to a concert. Before Sougo knows what’s happening, somehow, inexplicably, he and Tsunashi Ryuunosuke are dating.
It’s really nice. Because he doesn’t have much experience dating, he supposes he isn’t particularly qualified to evaluate their relationship comparatively, but he likes spending time with Ryuu. They don’t seem to get bored in each other’s company. During their rare time off, they go out to coffee, or dinner, and they drink (in moderation, or at least as much moderation as they can manage between the two of them), and they talk – about movies, about work, and most of all about music.
Neither of them quite adjusts to it; Sougo hasn’t managed to drop his habit of polite speech, and he does find himself getting embarrassingly dazzled by how incredibly good looking Ryuu is. Ryuu, for his part, is still sometimes a bit too gentle, like he’s worried he’ll underestimate his own strength and crush Sougo or something. But overall they’re doing well; although Sougo never quite gets over his initial nervousness, he finds that its bite decreases over time, that he laughs more easily than before and he talks more freely about himself. Every now and then he’ll look over at Ryuu and catch him looking back, almost furtively, and something unfamiliar warms in his chest. He barely even thinks about asking for an autograph anymore, even though it really would add to the value of his TRIGGER merchandise collection.
That said, after a few dates, Sougo can’t deny the itchy feeling under his skin that never quite settles down, the desperate fog at the back of his mind when at the end of a date Ryuu squeezes his hand and tells him good night.
Sougo hates himself for it, but the fact of the matter is that he wants to be fucked so badly his teeth are on edge. It’s been a long time at any rate, and most of his previous relationships were entirely physical, so he really isn’t used to waiting for it when he wants it. Ryuu still hasn’t made a move to sleep with him, or really anything beyond kissing. Sougo can’t tell if it’s from lack of courage or lack of interest; Sougo is almost always the first to initiate anything beyond holding hands, and Ryuu is always gentle with him, like he’s never quite confident in what he’s doing.
Sougo is torn. On one hand, he doesn’t want to give the impression that he’s only interested in Ryuu’s body; he knows Ryuu can be sensitive about that, and anyway it’s untrue. Also, while Sougo has experience with men and has always been attracted to them, he knows he’s the first man Ryuu has ever dated. Even setting aside general inexperience, Sougo has to face what he feels is a very genuine concern that perhaps this relationship isn’t what Ryuu wants, that maybe Ryuu isn’t all that interested in men. Every time someone makes a comment on Sougo’s femininity, every time Ryuu opens a door for him, Sougo has to deal with the creeping fear that maybe Ryuu has just confused himself into a relationship with Sougo somehow. That if anything were actually to happen, everything would end the moment he saw Sougo’s dick and it finally registered to Ryuu that Sougo is a man.
And honestly, if that’s the case Sougo is grateful for his boyfriend’s restraint; he thinks he probably could have handled Ryuu rejecting him initially, but after dating for a while, the thought of having to separate due to physical incompatibility is excruciating.
He also knows that his new boyfriend, in spite of his reputation, is the kind of guy who genuinely wants to treasure the people he dates. After all, he’d been able to say embarrassing lines like, “You should do this kind of thing with someone you really like,” and mean them. At his base, Ryuu is pure, and Sougo knows that his restraint is probably because of some sort of desire to “cherish” the person he likes. And anyway, it’s not like Ryuu is against the idea, probably; when Sougo leans forward to kiss him, Ryuu always reciprocates gently but with enthusiasm.
On the other hand, Ryuu is built like a statue. Sometimes when he picks things up, he practically flexes out of his sleeves. He has a strong grip and long fingers that Sougo thinks about putting into his mouth on a semi-regular basis. If he’s being honest, Sougo spends the last hour of every date fantasizing about climbing his new boyfriend like a tree, which is very distracting, very frustrating, and makes Sougo, he imagines, a very strange person to be with sometimes. When their first month of dating comes and goes without a single sleepover, Sougo feels like he’s going crazy. He appreciates that Ryuu wants to treasure him, but he’s losing his understanding for why, exactly, it would be so impossible for him to treasure Sougo with at least a handjob.
It’s not like it’s just a sex thing, either. Well, it’s mostly a sex thing. But that’s not all it is – Sougo just wants to be close to Ryuu, to spend time with him, to experience new things with him. The things he’d always just done with other people because he’d wanted something – to be liked, or the warmth of another body, or not to be alone– he just wants to do those things with Ryuu instead.
He knows he has to be proactive if he wants anything to change. When he hears Ryuu at the door to pick him up for another date, Sougo resolves himself and stuffs lube and condoms into his bag. They’d been harder to get his hands on than he likes, given his celebrity status and his six very nosy dormmates. Even committing to bringing them on this date makes him feel ashamed somehow, like he’s some kind of sex-crazed gay pervert about to prey on Japan’s sexiest semi-eligible bachelor. But he knows they can’t keep treading water like this. Tonight is perfect; he’s going over to Ryuu’s apartment, they’re making dinner together, he doesn’t have work until tomorrow afternoon. He’s resolved to at least bring it up tonight.
He’s nervous – there’s no reason to think that an unopened bottle of lube would make any particularly distinctive noises, especially given the way he’s wrapped it in what feels like a thousand scarves, but he’s routinely surprised by how good his bandmates are at rooting out secrets. It’s probably because he’s so nervous that he’s a little slower than usual to get into the main room to meet Ryuu.
Sougo freezes when he rounds the corner. It’s too awful to be true, but he’s certain of what he hears: Nagi’s and Ryuu’s voices, and the first horrifying notes of the theme of “Magical Kokona.”
Well, “horrifying” is probably unfair. After all Kokona is important to Nagi, and it’s something that brought him here, and for that Sougo is incredibly grateful. He’s even willing to admit that maybe it’s not as bad as he’d once thought: some of the side characters are actually really interesting, and while the theme songs are inevitably not Sougo’s style, it turns out the soundtrack for the first three seasons was composed by one of Sougo’s favorite artists under an obscure pseudonym. It’s just that he knows from experience that if Nagi has started a Kokona marathon, it could be literal days before Ryuu can be extracted, and Sougo just can’t wait that long. Even setting aside whether or not he can hold out another twenty-four hours before climbing into Ryuu’s lap and taking matters into his own hands, audience be damned, Sougo has already bargained away nearly five thousand yen in King Puddings to Tamaki, who knows where Sougo is going, doesn’t like feeling like he’s being ditched, and still might show up uninvited to Ryuu’s house.
Sougo needs a miracle.
He texts Mitsuki. The older Izumi brother is lounging at the kitchen counter, flipping half-interestedly through a magazine and pointedly ignoring Nagi’s aggressive anime-motivated bullying campaign. Sougo watches Mitsuki reach for his phone and open the message, which simply reads,
Mitsuki-san, I need a favor and I need you to promise never to ask me anything about it.
Mitsuki looks up, searching, and makes eye contact with Sougo across the hall. Expression stoic, his gaze returns to the phone, and after a few seconds Sougo’s phone vibrates with his response.
Shoot.
A wave of gratitude washes over Sougo. Mitsuki really is a good friend, a good older brother, a giant among men. Sougo owes him a thousand beers.
I need a distraction.
Mitsuki doesn’t even respond. He sits very quietly for a few seconds, staring thoughtfully at the screen. His eyes look back up for a second, and Sougo wonders if he’s imagining the trace of a smile he sees. Then Mitsuki puts his phone down, walks to where Nagi has Ryuu seated, and declares,
“Whoa, Nagi, you can’t start showing the third season in the main room! You’ve only showed me the first season! You’re gonna spoil that for me?”
In the ensuing conversation about how exciting it is for Nagi that Mitsuki is concerned about spoilers, and about how this shows that he’s finally begun to see the beauty of Magical Kokona after all, but don’t worry, this is the first season, Nagi would never do something like start someone halfway through the series, Sougo makes his move. He dashes into the main room, grabs Ryuu by the wrist, and heads for the door.
Nagi’s protests are drowned out by Mitsuki “complaining" that Nagi has even shown Sougo season two already. Somehow, through all of the chaos, Sougo navigates both himself and his boyfriend all the way to Ryuu’s car without being captured and forced to sit in on a twenty-five episode anime viewing.
When they’re both buckled in, Ryuu turns to Sougo, expression concerned.
“Was it okay to just leave them like that?”
Sougo can’t help smiling. “Mitsuki-san will be fine; besides, I sort of think that Nagi-san willingly let us go.” He shudders a bit as he remembers a series of horrible anime-related experiences. “If he’d really wanted us to watch the whole thing, there wouldn’t have been any escaping him.”
Ryuu smiles and laughs as if Sougo’s proclamation was a joke, although both of them know it definitely wasn't. “I’ve always liked how unique the members of IDOLiSH7 are,” he says, probably trying to put a positive spin on the experience. “Also, hi.”
He beams down at Sougo, who supposes that they hadn’t actually greeted each other yet. For a second Sougo thinks that he’s going to kiss him, but Ryuu just flushes subtly, reaches out and musses Sougo’s hair. Sougo can feel himself turning red as well, partially in response to his own disappointment. He knows better than to expect things like unprompted kissing at this point.
They chat quietly on the drive over to Ryuu’s apartment, and when they walk through the door, they’re greeted by several bags of delivered groceries.
“I get recognized a lot,” Ryuu explains, answering Sougo’s questioning look.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Sougo laughs gently. “You’re too big and handsome, so I can only imagine the fuss you must cause at grocery stores.” He doesn’t miss the way Ryuu shifts uncomfortably at the compliment, the slight blush that dusts his cheekbones. He thinks about Kujo Tenn admonishing Ryuu to stop looking like he’s dying to be kissed, and Sougo catches his boyfriend’s sleeve, tilts his head up and leans in.
But then he sees the way Ryuu’s pupils grow in size and hears his subtle intake of breath, like he’s bracing himself. Sougo thinks about that, and then about the lube and condoms in his bag. He swallows hard and lets go, picks up a grocery bag, and waits for Ryuu to lead him into the kitchen.
It’s normal for Sougo to feel jittery immediately after arriving at Ryuu’s place, although it usually dissipates after a while. But this time he can’t quite get himself to calm down. Occasionally he feels like he finds his footing, settling into the comfortable atmosphere that they’ve built together over their dates. Ryuu will laugh and add more spice to the champloo they’re making, leaning an affectionate hip into Sougo’s, or they’ll start talking about something and Sougo will forget to be nervous. But now when things like that happen, Sougo looks over at his bag, discarded on a chair in the living area, and his stomach flips with something anxious and guilty.
After dinner they sit together on Ryuu’s sofa with a collection of CDs Sougo has lent him over the last few months splayed out over the coffee table. They’re talking animatedly about one of Sougo’s favorite bands; an indie group that recently achieved popular acclaim. Sougo’s been a fan for years, and when Ryuu mentions his favorite song on their first album, Sougo is so excited that it’s also his favorite that he starts rattling off song lyrics. And then all at once he realizes that Ryuu is running his knuckles over the back of Sougo’s hand, his expression warm and fond, and the words die in Sougo’s mouth.
Ryuu notices his change in attitude immediately, and he pulls his hand back, expression guilty. Sougo catches it without even thinking. For a breath they sit there, still, and Sougo internally plays out the various ways this could go wrong. But then Ryuu reaches out again and slides his hand along Sougo’s jaw, almost painfully careful. And then he leans down, presses his lips against Sougo’s.
It’s an almost chaste gesture, but it’s all it takes for Sougo’s switch to flip. He leans in, chasing Ryuu’s mouth with his own. Any fears that this might be too much too soon are alleviated by the way Ryuu moans into the kiss, the way he parts his lips and lets Sougo’s tongue in. His lips are soft – lip balm, Sougo realizes, Tsunashi-san is doing that lip balm campaign right now. By now kissing is familiar, but tonight Sougo’s lips are tingling, warm. It’s the champloo, he reflects, almost disbelievingly, because we added all that spice. It’s not painful, but it is noticeable, and Sougo leans into it. Ryuu’s hand is tangled in Sougo’s hair, gentle in a way Sougo still can’t get used to. Sougo grips the fabric of Ryuu’s pants, clenching and unclenching desperately.
After a moment they part, breathing heavily. There’s a question in Ryuu’s expression, like he’s not sure why they stopped kissing, and Sougo takes a deep breath and remembers that it’s important to talk about the things that he wants.
“Tsunashi-san,” he begins, and then he realizes that he has no idea what to say, because he’s never asked for this before, never needed it so badly, for so long.
Ryuu, for his part, goes still, waits for Sougo to continue, even though Sougo has no idea where to go from here, what he wants or how to ask for it.
If only he was less patient, Sougo thinks, as the familiar feeling of want in the pit of his stomach warms with something less familiar.
He wants to smile – needs to, because Ryuu’s eyebrows are beginning to knot, he’s beginning to be unsure – but he can’t manage.
“Please,” Sougo asks, not all that sure himself what he’s asking for.
Please shove me down and fuck me into this couch.
Please let me do this to you, I’ll do anything you want, just let me have the honor.
Please tell me you want this, want me.
Please look at me like you’re sure.
For a beat they both inhale, unsteady. Then Ryuu looks down and his expression changes – and of course it does, because Sougo, humiliatingly, is already visibly half-hard. He hates himself viscerally in that moment: his traitorous body, hotter than the champloo they just ate. His body, which continues to warm under Ryuu’s stare, but also his leaden tongue, which can’t come up with an excuse and can’t even imagine an apology.
“Sougo-kun,” Ryuu says, voice low in a way he usually reserves for the television audience, and Sougo gulps a sobbing moan down and brings his hands up to cover his face. Or at least he tries, except Ryuu catches his hand to stop him. “No, stop.” Sougo can’t bear to meet his eyes, but then Ryuu says, “Please,” in a tone echoing Sougo’s own. He peeks, and his breath catches at the heat in Ryuu's eyes. He knows then that Ryuu wants this too, that seeing how worked up Sougo is has worked him up in turn. And finally, Sougo smiles, as gently as he can.
A breath later he yanks the wrist that Ryuu has him caught by. Caught off guard, Ryuu tumbles down onto Sougo, pinning him to the couch. Sougo briefly considers apologizing, but instead he throws his arms over Ryuu’s shoulders, leans up and kisses him again, earnestly. He can feel Ryuu smile into his lips. By way of response, Sougo brings one of his legs up and hooks it around Ryuu’s hips, pulling him closer in. And then he feels it, the hardening length of Ryuu’s dick sliding against the crease of Sougo’s hip, and all of the oxygen leaves his lungs.
Ryuu seems to take the cue – that they’re wearing too much clothing, that they need to be wearing much, much less – and begins working at the fly of Sougo's pants. In spite of the way his fingers tremble just a little bit, Ryuu manages to divest Sougo of his pants at a speed probably only really possible for someone known as “the erotic beast.” With just his underwear on, it’s even more obvious how hard Sougo already is, and when Ryuu reaches up and pulls his own shirt over his head in one smooth move, Sougo is humiliatingly certain he can see the way Sougo’s dick twitches in response.
Sougo starts to fumble with Ryuu’s pants when suddenly, horribly, the worst occurs – Ryuu’s cell phone, sitting on the coffee table in front of them, begins to ring. The display flashes the name of the caller, as well as his picture: Kujo Tenn.
They both stay completely still for a few seconds, staring at the phone as if they’ve been caught by the paparazzi. Sougo knows Ryuu has to answer the phone – it’s the professional thing to do! – but every molecule in his body is screaming please, no, we were so close!
After a few rings it becomes clear that Tenn isn’t going to hang up, and Ryuu lets out a resigned sigh. “Sorry Sougo-kun,” he says, and Sougo’s stomach drops. “Just give me a second,” Ryuu apologizes, “If it was Gaku it would be fine, but if I don’t answer Tenn, he’ll keep calling back, and if I never pick up, he’ll show up here.”
Admittedly that would be the absolute worst possible outcome, much worse than just waiting for a few moments while Ryuu answers the phone, but Sougo’s mind is hazy with desire, and briefly he entertains the thought – would it really be that bad if Kujo Tenn saw us? His dick throbs mutinously at the idea, but thankfully Ryuu doesn’t seem to notice.
When Ryuu moves to pick up the cell phone, Sougo feels his absence keenly, and he whines quietly without really meaning to. Ryuu smiles at him, as if he finds that gesture cute and not disgusting, and leans back over, tipping Sougo’s chin up to quickly kiss him again. By the time Sougo’s eyes blink back open, Ryuu has the phone in his hand.
“You’re too slow,” Kujo Tenn snaps from the other side of the call, soft and tinny. It suddenly occurs to Sougo that he’s seeing something incredibly private – TRIGGER amongst themselves, without anyone else to see them – and somehow he feels a bit like an outsider, like he should leave.
“Sorry,” Ryuu replies automatically, although there’s an unusual edge of impatience to it. “I was in the middle of doing something.”
It’s the simplest, most innocuous excuse possible, but the way Ryuu says it – how casually he tosses it out, the way he glances Sougo’s way almost like a promise – makes all of the hair on Sougo’s arms stand up in response. He knows he needs to be patient, that Ryuu is a consummate professional and this is his work and this call won’t take more than a few minutes, but in the moment it all feels like too much. Sougo barely even notices his own hand sliding lower, pulling his underwear down.
When Sougo's fingers wrap around his own dick, it’s like all of the strength leaves his muscles at once, and he presses his face into the cushions of the sofa, breathing heavily. He can hear Kujo Tenn in the background, reminding Ryuu about practice tomorrow afternoon, how it’s in a different studio than usual and not to be late or head to the normal place by mistake. It’s bizarre how mundane it all is, how outside of this apartment the world goes on as usual. Sougo lifts his hips, kicking his underpants off. He starts jerking himself off, trying to keep as quiet as possible. He keeps his eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of his hand, the memory of Ryuu’s heat, the promise of what’s coming next. Maybe Ryuu doesn’t even notice, he thinks hopefully for a second, but then Ryuu says, “Yeah, like I said, thank you for the reminder, but I do have to go,” and Sougo notices the hitch in his voice as Ryuu shifts on the couch.
He opens his eyes, expecting reproach, but instead sees Ryuu listening to Tenn half-heartedly, gesturing for Sougo to come closer. Sougo very willingly obliges, desperate to reclaim that heat from a few minutes ago, and climbs over Ryuu’s thighs, straddling his lap. He braces himself on the back frame of the couch; he’d feel silly in this position, if his heart would stop slamming itself against the walls of his chest. His face is so close to the phone – to Kujo Tenn! - that he’s certain they’re about to be found out, but then Ryuu says, “Tenn, I’m sorry – I really can’t talk right now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ryuu's words tumble out, obviously rushed. He hangs up the phone maybe even before he finishes saying it, and then his mouth is on Sougo’s throat, his hand on his dick.
The angle is strange, and Ryuu's timing is a bit off, like he’s trying to figure out what he’s doing, and Sougo suddenly realizes this may very well be the first time Ryuu has ever jerked another person off. Just that thought is enough to overcome any awkwardness or embarrassment, and Sougo leans into the sensation, pushes his face into the crook where Ryuu’s neck meets his shoulder. He can feel Ryuu’s heart thrumming, too fast to be believed, and he presses his lips to his pulse point, feeling that same strange, unfamiliar warmth pooling through him.
He’s too close – he’s going to embarrass himself, and he hasn’t even done anything yet. Weakly, he tries to bat Ryuu’s hand away, to work again at loosening his belt, but Ryuu’s too strong, and he shrugs Sougo’s attempts off easily.
“You first,” Ryuu says, as if he’s inviting Sougo to enter a room before him, or serve his own plate first. “Right now you’re too wound up,” he adds, breaths shaky against Sougo’s shoulder, “to be of use to anyone.”
Ryuu must be right that he’s wound up, because just those words – “of use to,” and the implication behind them – is enough to send Sougo spiralling out of control. Before he even thinks to choke out a warning, he’s coming hot all over Ryuu’s hand.
The air is sticky between them for a few moments as Sougo fights to get enough air into his lungs, feeling immensely relieved. He’s spent so long thinking about this happening that adjusting to this new reality in which it has happened is taking him a minute. When the glow blurring his vision fades, he realizes – remembers, really – that Ryuu is hard too.
As delicately as possible, Sougo stands, jelly-legged. Ryuu holds stock-still, almost as if he’s worried any movement might shatter – what? Sougo? His own self-control? It’s unclear, but turnabout is fair play, and Sougo slides down, kneeling between his legs. Finally he’s able to unbuckle Ryuu’s belt, to pull his pants and underwear down around his ankles. He wants to take a moment to look at it, but something at the back of his mind tells him if he spends too long staring at the other's man's dick, Ryuu might get embarrassed and call the whole thing off. So he flattens his tongue against the underside of Ryuu’s cock, licking a slow wet stripe upward.
The effect of his attentions are immediate and exactly what he was hoping for; Ryuu moans lowly, practically a growl, and sinks into the couch. Encouraged, Sougo mouths at the sides of his dick, then moves lower, running his tongue over his balls. That gets a huge reaction; Ryuu’s toes curl in his socks, and Sougo files that information away for later. Ryuu’s murmuring nonsense, face pushed into the couch much like Sougo’s had just been when he was palming his own dick. Ryuu's cock is already practically drooling, and he whispers,
“Sougo-kun, it feels so good.”
Of course even when he’s practically out of his mind Ryuu is still offering encouragement, Sougo thinks, and mouths affectionately at the base of his cock, swiping his tongue over it like a promise. He’ll have plenty of time to suck on Ryuu’s balls later; right now he wants his dick in his mouth.
He slides his mouth down Ryuu’s length in one smooth motion, throat fluttering as it tries to re-acclimate to the sensation. He can’t get all the way down, not at first, but he bobs his head gamely, nostrils flaring. Ryuu’s dick twitches in his mouth, and he gulps around him, salivating at the very thought of taking Ryuu apart and making him into something only for Sougo. He can feel Ryuu’s thighs twitching with effort, and Sougo realizes all at once that Ryuu is trying to stop himself from fucking into Sougo’s mouth. Sougo wouldn’t mind it, but he respects the effort, and pulls back to smear Ryuu’s precome over his lips.
Ryuu’s close, Sougo can tell. That’s fine; Sougo’s plan all along has been to suck him off until he can’t remember his own name. Ryuu, however, has other ideas; right when Sougo has him where he wants him, he hisses, “Stop.”
Sougo has no intention of stopping, but Ryuu’s hand cards into his hair, pushes him back. Lifted off him, Sougo takes the moment to catch his breath, coughing somewhat indelicately. Ryuu catches him by the wrist, pulls Sougo back up into his lap and in for another kiss. Sougo makes a noise of protest, tries to pull away, but Ryuu catches the back of his neck with his other hand and holds him in place. After a minute Sougo murmurs, “In my bag – I brought lube –” Ryuu huffs a laugh into the kiss, and Sougo pulls back, suddenly realizing it’s possible no one has told Ryuu the actual mechanics of how this will go. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed – I mean there’s no reason you’d know we’d need it–”
“Under the couch,” Ryuu sighs, hand drifting down to palm at Sougo once again. He’s hard again – he’s been hard since the moment he swallowed Ryuu’s dick.
“Under – fffff– under the couch?” Sougo asks, fingers tracing at Ryuu’s hipbone, trying to keep himself together.
“I bought it too,” Ryuu explains, wrapping his fingers around Sougo once again. Sougo fucks himself into his hand, movements lazy now that it’s his second round. “Lube.” Sougo stills, goggling a bit. “What?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sougo apologizes automatically, shaking his head. “I just – it didn’t occur to me that you’d do your own research or anything, I just thought–”
“You thought I wasn’t thinking about it?” Ryuu’s hand drops, teasing at Sougo’s balls. He’s learning, Sougo thinks affectionately, rocking into his hand. “I’ve barely stopped thinking about it. Normally, I never think about it, and it’s all I’ve been able to focus on for weeks.” Ryuu laughs again, cheeks dusted scarlet, “You’re making me feel silly for getting all excited by myself.”
It’s wild that Ryuu can entertain that notion, Sougo thinks, that he could possibly be the only person "excited," when minutes ago Sougo was gagging on his cock, when Sougo’s come is slowly drying all over his stomach.
Sougo stands up, leans down, precarious, and fishes around under the couch for the bottle of lube. He comes up with a box, still unopened; Ryuu hasn’t even found the courage to try it out on his own. Looking apologetic, Ryuu moves to open it, but Sougo can’t bear the idea of his hands going anywhere but back on Sougo’s dick, so he bats him away. Sougo wrestles the lube out of the box and pours it generously over his own fingers. In a few hours he knows he’ll be worried about the way some of it drips onto the couch, but in the moment it’s all Sougo can do to slide his fingers in, stretching himself open.
After a moment Ryuu’s hand meets his, slides against the back of Sougo’s wrist as he preps himself. “Do you want me to–”
“No, you don’t have to,” Sougo hisses into the pressure, almost impatient. “I didn’t want to spend time on it, so I mostly prepared myself before I got here.” He pulls his fingers out, hissing. “We probably would have been fine, but you’re so big.”
Ryuu’s breath rattles in his chest at that comment, and he pulls Sougo’s hips forward. Sougo’s cock drags against him, and Sougo whines at the contact; all he wants in that moment is to press his dick against the divots of Ryuu’s stomach, to watch come smear on his belly. Ryuu rolls a condom on – Sougo’s not even sure where he got one – but then he lines himself up with Sougo’s entrance and pauses there. Probably only a few seconds passes, but to Sougo it’s an eternity. He’s just choking out, “Tsunashi-san, please, please, I want it so much, I’m begging you,” and then Ryuu pushes himself in.
Sougo sucks in air through his teeth, trying to let himself adjust – Ryuu is big, easily the biggest he’s ever had. After a moment, he pushes himself back, sitting down even further on his dick. With building confidence, Sougo lifts himself back up, then drops onto it again. Soon he’s bouncing on Ryuu’s dick, muttering nonsense: “It feels so good,” and, “you’re so big,” and, “I wanted this so bad, Tsunashi-san, I’ve never wanted anyone this badly before.”
Ryuu grabs at his hips, thumbs bruising into the small of his back. He wrenches control from Sougo, fucking into him forcefully, but Sougo doesn’t care – he loves it – in this moment it feels like it’s all he’s ever wanted.
“Sougo-kun,” Ryuu breathes, as if he’s not even aware he’s talking out loud. “I’ve been thinking about this for so long,” he moans into Sougo’s neck, and Sougo yelps as Ryuu's cock hits something deep inside him. “Even before we were together,” he admits, angling himself to hit that same spot over and over again. Sougo cries out; it’s all too much. Ryuu pulls him close, suddenly stilling, and Sougo struggles to catch his breath, draping himself over Ryuu’s shoulders as he melts into the momentary reprieve. “Next time,” he says, and a part of Sougo that still can’t believe this is happening thrills at the words, at the promise of a second time, “don’t start without me.” Ryuu's fingers drift down, tracing where they come together. Sougo shudders at the contact. “I want to try it.”
“S-sorry,” Sougo pants, keenly aware of how his insides are twitching around Ryuu’s cock, “Before, with other people – they didn’t want to do it, so I just figured I would–”
Sougo catches the way something behind Ryuu’s eyes changes, the way his demeanor shifts and goes dark at the words ‘with other people.’ Ryuu’s hands go under Sougo’s thighs, lifting him off of his dick with a wet noise. Sougo gasps at the change, feeling the loss keenly. He’s begging without even meaning to, gulping out, “Tsunashi-san, please, I’m so close, please–” but before he can even formulate an apology, Ryuu has leaned forward, shoving everything off of the coffee table in front of them. CDs clatter noisily to the ground as Ryuu pushes Sougo backward onto the surface.
Maybe it’s Sougo’s mind playing tricks on him, but he feels like he hears Ryuu gasp as he looks over Sougo, splayed out in front of him, face flushed and chest heaving. Then Ryuu shoves himself back into Sougo in a fluid motion and resumes fucking him, rougher and more hurried than before. Sougo can feel his own eyes rolling back into his head, hears the hiccuping gasps escaping him as if they’re coming from another person entirely.
It feels so good – he’s never felt like this before, never let go this entirely. Every time Ryuu pushes all the way into him, he sees stars, and it’s all Sougo can do to scrabble for purchase on the table, to hook his ankles behind Ryuu’s hips and hold on for dear life. He’s so close – he can’t imagine how Ryuu has held on this long. When Ryuu wraps his fingers around Sougo’s dick once more, it only takes a couple of strokes before Sougo comes again with a shout, toes curling as he feels his own warm semen splattering up onto his stomach.
Ryuu doesn’t stop, but he does slow down, gentler. After he collects himself Sougo looks up, feeling curious; Ryuu’s braced himself on the table, leaning over him. There’s sweat dripping down his chest; his hair falls messily into his eyes. Sougo’s read almost every interview with TRIGGER, has seen nearly every candid shot ever publicized, but he’s never seen Ryuu like this. He looks undone, his gaze hot. Something at the back of his expression is almost lost, as if he’s looking for something.
Sougo reaches up, combs his fingers through Ryuu’s hair. Ryuu leans into the hand, presses his face into Sougo’s palm.
“I wanted to do this so badly,” Ryuu says softly, almost as if he’s apologizing for it. “For so long. I wanted to do this in the car, when you came to find me.” The confession comes out in a long stream, desperate as he gets closer to the edge. “I wanted – nnnh – to push you into the leather of the seat. When we were filming, and you were in the baths – then too.” He groans, so close it sounds painful. “Hey, Sougo-kun,” he asks, breath rattling, “I know I’m not what you’d thought, some erotic beast, or even that cool.” Ryuu’s choking out the words now, voice low and hoarse. “What can I do to make you want to stay with me?”
It’s ridiculous; it’s foolish. It’s a joke. The idea that someone like Ryuu could ask a question like that. As if Sougo hasn’t been looking at him the whole time. Sougo reaches up, hooks his arms around his neck and pulls him down.
“Me too,” Sougo whispers, eyes wide, “I was thinking about you, too.” He laughs a little bit, gently. “The whole time, all I could think about was you.”
That’s all it takes; Ryuu empties himself into Sougo, shuddering through his orgasm. When he’s done they slide somewhat unceremoniously onto the floor, exhausted and spent. Somewhere through the fog in Sougo’s brain he remembers Ryuu saying, ‘my friends call me Ryuu,’ and he thinks that probably this is the moment for it.
“R-Ryuu–” Sougo gets that far, but then Ryuu blinks owlishly at him, obviously taken off-guard, and Sougo changes his mind mid-word, chokes out, “Ryuunashi-san” instead. They look at each other for a moment, faces red; then they both start to laugh, because really, it is kind of funny. They twine their fingers together, blissfully happy.
Sougo wakes up automatically every morning around seven, no matter how tired he is or when he went to bed the night before. When his eyes flutter open the next morning, it takes him a moment for his vision to focus, taking in the unfamiliar scenery. He surveys the pillowy and too-wide length of the mattress, the unfamiliar weight of Ryuu’s arm tossed over his chest. It’s still cold outside, but Sougo’s hair mats sweatily on his forehead, undeniably askew. It occurs to him that he needs to get going – that Ryuu has plans in the afternoon, and that the longer Sougo is out, the more likely his walk of shame back to the dorms will be discovered. Still, he lets himself settle in for a bit, enjoying the sound of Ryuu quietly murmuring in his sleep.
Eventually, he climbs out of bed and throws on one of Ryuu’s sweatshirts. He can’t quite bring himself to borrow a pair of underwear; he knows the size would be wrong, and he's not prepared for that sort of embarrassment first thing in the morning. Thankfully, Sougo's packed a second pair, and he’s able to retrieve them from his bag, pushing aside roughly forty scarves concealing his still-unused bottle of lube and fistful of condoms.
He laughs a bit to himself at the memory; at the time it had seemed so important, but in retrospect everything seems simpler now. He moves to start cleaning up the mess they’d left the night before, picking up dirty laundry and piling his own items into his bag, Ryuu’s into a hamper he’d spotted the night before. He gathers the scattered CDs from the floor, returning them to the coffee table, his ears burning. Thankfully nothing important looks like it was broken; at the time it had all seemed impossibly sexy, but in the light of day he knows Ryuu would have been upset if they’d been damaged.
Sougo's just made a pot of coffee and is on his way back toward the bedroom when he hears someone rattling with the door. Tenn’s voice calls out,
“Ryuu?”
He freezes in place. He knows the other members of TRIGGER aren’t supposed to be here; their practice today isn’t until almost four. He isn’t proud of how he knows that information, either. Nevertheless, the door opens and Kujo Tenn and Yaotome Gaku wander into the living room.
He has no idea how to reply, and apparently they’re both taken by surprise as well. The three of them stare dumbly at each other for a beat, before Gaku laughs, “Hey, an Osakan Osaka Sougo.”
Sougo blinks, brain processing slowly. Finally he realizes the joke – once when TRIGGER had been somewhere they weren’t supposed to be, they’d pretended to be impersonators from Kansai, and in the months since, both members of TRIGGER and IDOLiSH7 have started referring to anyone in a place they shouldn’t be as an Osakan impersonator.
Sougo nods in return. “Um, howdy.”
“Where’s Ryuu?” Tenn’s tone isn’t rude, per se, but his patience is clearly already thin. Sougo tenses up, suddenly keenly reminded that he’s the one who's out of place in this situation. Of course they want to know where Ryuu is – after all, Sougo’s an intruder.
As if to cut the thought off at the root, Ryuu appears, pressing a gentle hand into Sougo's shoulder as he walks into the living room and stands next to him, facing Gaku and Tenn.
“Hey guys, you’re here early today.”
“After the phone call we had yesterday?” Tenn rolls his eyes. “I wanted to call the police then and there. You have Gaku to thank for the ten hour reprieve.”
“I told him there was always a chance you had someone over,” Gaku says, closing the distance between them. It’s clear that he finds all of this terribly funny, but there’s nothing mean-spirited about the smile he shoots Sougo. “Come on, Ryuu, pour us some coffee, we came all this way.”
“Sougo-kun already made coffee,” Ryuu argues, edge of his voice embarrassed.
“Cool – you get me a mug. Come on,” he says with a wave of his hand, “everyone into the kitchen. No way we can have a conversation standing like idiots in the middle of a hallway.” And with that he guides Ryuu into the kitchen, shooting a look behind him at Tenn and Sougo as if expecting them to follow.
Sougo suddenly finds himself alone with Kujo Tenn. Even after all this time, he still freezes up around him; even though, he thinks, he should be used to Tenn – after all, he and Riku do look so much like each other.
“Yaotome-san seems like he’s in a good mood,” Sougo offers, hoping to start a polite conversation to dispel the weird, awkward tension hanging between them. Tenn looks thoughtful, his brows pulling together as if remembering something unpleasant.
“He’s just smug because he was right,” he snaps. And then Tenn's expression softens, and he adds, “Gaku isn’t worried. He trusts Ryuu’s judgement implicitly, you know.”
Sougo feels a lump of panic in his throat, choking him. “Are you worried?” Tenn exhales sharply at the question, looks appraisingly at Sougo as if trying to figure out if he’s an idiot or not.
“You know,” Tenn says carefully, watching Sougo for his reaction, “If this got out it would be the end of you both.” He sighs, almost sounding frustrated. Sougo can’t see any of Riku in his mannerisms, and he wonders briefly what of Nanase Tenn remains under the exterior carved out by Kujo Takamasa. “This isn’t like the other stuff we’ve all been through. This isn’t a thing either of you could come back from.”
Sougo wants to protest: about how much he’s always loved TRIGGER, how he could never allow something like that to happen to Ryuu, that he’d rather disappear that ruin his career. But instead something indignant bubbles up in his chest, and Sougo snaps coolly, “I would never do anything I thought would jeopardize IDOLiSH7.” He’s serious, the most serious he’s felt in ages. “I would give up anything for them.”
And then he thinks about Iori’s serious face, the way Mitsuki and Riku laugh as they tease him. He thinks about how much Nagi loves all of them, and about the way Yamato always gently pushes his back when Sougo's hesitant about standing up on stage. He thinks about Tamaki, about the way he’d said “Sou-chan is looking out for me, so I gotta look out for him, too.”
“But that’s the thing – this, I don’t think I should give up. I don’t think they’d want me to.” He bows his head to Tenn, maybe too deeply. This is embarrassing, but Sougo doesn’t care. “Please don’t say anything about it. We’ll be discreet.”
Something shifts in Tenn’s expression, almost like respect, and strangely Sougo thinks that maybe he’s given the right answer.
Tenn reaches for one of the cups Sougo is still holding and sips the coffee he’d intended for Ryuu.
“Ah, Kujo-san–”
Tenn sticks his tongue out, face disgusted, and for a split second it’s as if Sougo’s looking at Riku. Tenn shakes his head, looking for all the world like a disgruntled cat, and hands the cup back to Sougo, breezing past him into the kitchen.
“For future reference, I take my coffee with sugar.”
Sougo watches Tenn head into the kitchen, looks down at the cup in his hands. It briefly occurs to him that if he were to take a sip now he’d be indirectly kissing a second member of TRIGGER, but he banishes the thought, feeling guilty on Riku’s behalf. Instead he lets himself take in the empty room, listening to the sounds of TRIGGER’s members arguing and joking. Somehow it makes him miss his own home, the sounds of the dorm and the people who’ve become his family.
“Hey,” Ryuu says, voice a bit sheepish. He’s come back into the living room. “Sorry, Tenn didn’t say anything weird, did he?” His hair is still mussed from sleep; Sougo’s suddenly overwhelmed with affection, low and unfamiliar in his stomach. He smiles and shakes his head.
“They both love you a lot, you know.”
“Yeah,” Ryuu laughs, “I know. I love them too. We’ve been through a lot together, and there’s no one I’d trust more to have my back.”
“Yes,” Sougo replies, handing him a cup. “I’m familiar with that feeling, as well.”
Ryuu reaches out, pulls Sougo to him. Their lips meet for a brief moment, and then he says, face red, “You too, you know.”
Sougo blinks at him. A wave of emotion threatens to well up inside him, all the way up his chest and into his throat; he blinks something out of his eyes.
“Of course,” he laughs, too embarrassed to make eye contact, “all this time. Both of us.”
Ryuu smiles like he’s won an award, almost too happy. “Good.” Then he coughs, obviously embarrassed by himself. “Come on – those two won’t leave until we push them out the door, so we might as well get started now if we want to enjoy our morning together.” Sougo follows him into the kitchen, blissfully happy.