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The first rays of pinks, yellows, and oranges poured over the frozen ground that over looked the land beyond the wall. A soft howl carried over the wind and a faint smile came to Jon’s lips as he closed his eye, breathing in the cool air. It had been year. A year since he had killed Daenerys. A year since he had been banished to the wall. A year since he had seen his family, the people he loved the most. His only solace over that long year was Tormund and Ghost’s company, and the many letters he received from Sansa. At first he refused any contact with the world beyond the wall, but the letters kept coming and Jon’s heart ached too much not to tear them open one lonely night by the fire.
She had been crowned Queen in the North, something he knew she deserved without a doubt. She was the ruler the world had needed. Robb and Ned would have been so proud of her and everything she had done for the North. Her letters seemed formal at first, just updates on what was going on in Winterfell and the daily occurrences of ruling a kingdom. His lips curled in a smile at her delicate handwriting. He imagined her sitting at her desk writing each word perfectly. It had reminded him of when they would spend time together in Winterfell. Just the two of them, quietly relaxing by the fire. Sansa sewing or reading and he pretending to read, but in reality he would continuously steal glances at her beauty. She had been his half sister then. Now she was his cousin. And Jon Snow loved her all the same.
Jon poured over dozens of letters. Despite him not returning any of his own Sansa had continued to send them anyway. They slowly began to turn from polite, small talk, to her confessing her feelings of missing him, Arya, and Bran. She said Arya wrote when she could and that she had even been down to Kings Landing once or twice to see Bran. Despite being surrounded by people, Sansa said she felt alone.
Sometimes I don’t even know if you are reading these, Jon, but I cannot help, but write them anyway. Winterfell has always been my home, but being the only Stark left to rule in it has made the nights seem longer.
Jon understood the sentiment. It was this letter that Jon finally strummed up the courage to reply back. He had sat for hours in front of the fire staring at a blank piece of paper. What could he say? What should he say? Life at the wall was very simple and with no threat from the White Walkers or the Wildlings Jon mainly spent his days brooding in the cold. It wasn’t till nearly sun up did he realize Sansa just wanted someone to talk to, someone familiar. Someone she loved. So Jon started writing about all the mundane things of the past months at the wall. He wrote about riding horses with Tormund through the wild forest and about Ghost playing in the snow. Hell, he even wrote about what he at for dinner. When he sent his letter to Winterfell his heart had been racing. What if Sansa stopped writing as soon as Jon had decided to answer back? Her words had stirred something in him, something he thought had died with him when he was sentenced back to the wall. Once again she created a spark of life in his darkest moments.
When Tormund knocked on his door to deliver a letter from Winterfell it took all of Jon’s control not to tear it out of his friends hands and devour the letter as quickly as he could. His hands had shook as he opened it up, worried it would just be a reply from one of her advisor to say that he should no longer write to their queen. His eyes filled with tears when he saw Sansa’s delicate handwriting crammed down the paper, like she couldn’t fit enough words. It was then they started corresponding regularly. They talked about everything and anything. Jon would count the days between her letters and when they finally arrived he would lock himself in his room and read over it until he had memorized every last word.
“I didn’t realize the Queen in the North was so interested in the Night’s Watch where there’s nothing to watch.” Tormund comment one day with a knowing smile on his face as Jon sent is latest later off.
“Talking like that will curse us all.” Jon responded with a bark of a laugh.
“Aye,” Tormund said as he gripped Jon’s shoulder, “but you know we would follow you anywhere.”
Jon’s smile slipped from his face as Ghost’s howl died off. It had been a while since he had sent his letter. Sansa was so quick at responding that he was disappointed he hadn’t received anything the past few days. Disappointment washed into worry and worry fell into panic. What if Sansa was tired of talking with him? What if she had finally given up? He hadn’t felt this much heart ache since he had said goodbye to his family. Sansa had mentioned in some of her letters about a few suitors who had come calling and Jon couldn’t help the jealousy he felt. He realized he had no right to feel that way about Sansa. She should have someone that could give her everything and love her the way she deserved to be loved. Not by him. He was a war criminal. An outcast. A bastard. After everything he had put her through with Dany, well, he was better off alone.
The sound of a horn and the shouts of, “Open the gate!” caught Jon off guard as he turned to see who could possibly be coming to the wall at this hour in the morning. He moved, Ghost at his side, and as he climbed down the stairs he could feel his heart beating. As he neared the bottom he could see people dropping to their knees and Jon froze against the bannister. His eye caught a white horse strolling through the snow-covered grounds, flanked by a crowed of guards, and a top that white horse was what Jon desired most. Sansa’s eyes spotted him immediately and there was a warmness and a longing there he thought he would never see again. He felt himself falling back to when he had just renounced his title of Lord Commander and was ready to ride south until he couldn’t anymore and there she was. The fire that ignited his journey back to Winterfell to retake their home for her. She looked older, but more beautiful and Jon felt himself inhale sharply, his body moving unconsciously towards her. She dismounted gracefully with a helpful hand from Tormund.
“Your grace.” Tormund said with a small nod of his head.
Sansa smiled in return nodding her head as a hello in response. She then turned towards Jon and he was standing just in front of her. He felt like he was in a dream. She couldn’t be here. She wasn’t real. Soon he would wake up in his bed and realize that he would be forever alone. Then a guard behind her cleared his throat and Jon immediately dropped to his knees.
“Your grace.” Jon whispered, his eyes staring down at the ground.
He could hear snow crunching under boots and he felt a soft hand under his chin, gently lifting his face up. Sansa was so close and he could feel his heart practically in his throat. She helped him to his feet.
“Sansa,” She said and he could see tears fill her eyes, “just Sansa.”
Jon could feel his lips twitch into a smile. “Sansa.” Her name barely escaped his lips before she was crashing into him, arms around his neck, head nuzzled against him as a sob rippled through her chest. Jon held her close swaying slightly in place. It felt like home. Jon knew there were eyes on him, but he didn’t care. The whole of Westeros could be watching and he wouldn’t care. What felt like forever and no time at all they finally released each other. “What are you doing here?” he asked hoarsely as his hands laid on her shoulders, her fingers wrapped around his wrist.
“I wanted to surprise you.” Sansa said simply.
“You can’t be here,” Jon said with a slight laugh, “don’t you have a kingdom to run?”
Sansa frowned slightly and god Jon missed the way her lips dipped down at the corners and how her nose crinkled when she was annoyed. “Last time I checked the Wall was part of the North and since I am its queen, I have a duty to visit and check on its people.”
“Of course.” Jon said with a nod of his head, but before he could say anymore Ghost came over, nuzzling his head into Sansa’s palm. She laughed as she leaned down to pet the direwolf and Jon swore he could fly from hearing that magical sound. “You must be cold.” Jon said after he cleared his throat, stealing her attention from Ghost.
“A little.” Sansa said as she looked back up at Jon. “I can only stay for the evening. Tomorrow I must ride back down to Winterfell.”
Jon felt all the happiness drain out of him for a moment. Of course she couldn’t stay longer than a day, but watching her leave would pain him more than he cared to admit. He composed him, forcing a smile. “I understand.” They both stared at each other and Jon felt so many words springing to his lips for them to die on his tongue as he opened his mouth. There was so much unspoken chemistry and love between them even after his year of banishment.
“May we show you around, your grace?” Tormund cut in, finding it a little too painful to watch Jon struggle.
Sansa broke her eye contact, her heart catching in her throat. How could she have forgotten how handsome Jon was? His dark curls and gentle face was all she had dreamed about while in Winterfell. It wasn’t until she finally summed up the courage (and the Kingdom was in a peaceful lull) that she decided she would journey North to see him. In the back of her mind she knew it was a terrible idea. It would just break her heart more than it was when she had to leave. “That would be lovely, and Tormund,” she said causing the ginger to cock an eyebrow, “we are old friends, please, call me Sansa.”
Tormund grinned and nodded his head before turning to Jon and saying, “You’re a sucker for those kissed by fire.” He said as he patted Jon on the shoulder, unknowingly causing Jon to blush furiously. “I’ll have the men prepare a feast for the Queen in the North.”
“Right this way.” Jon muttered as he held out his hand to Sansa who took it graciously.
Jon and Tormund showed her around the wall and even though Jon insisted she shouldn’t overlook the top Sansa dismissed him and demanded to see everything. Sansa gasped as she looked over the wall to what lay beyond. Her eyes were alight with wonder as she took in the dark forest and the never-ending mountains way in the distance. It was strange to think Jon had been beyond the wall many times and it was even stranger to imagine the White Walkers and the dead marching across the frozen ground. She had heard so many stories, but none of them did it justice. She decided she liked it much more than King’s Landing.
“Sansa?” Jon asked as he reached over and wiped away a tear that had fallen down her cheek with his thumb.
Sansa swallowed a laugh as she ran her hands over her face, turning to Jon. “Sorry, it’s just so beautiful.” Jon smiled, his heart swelling. “I was thinking about where I started. A silly girl on her way to King’s Landing hoping to marry a golden haired prince and now…”
“And now you’re the Queen in the North overlooking the wall.” Jon said. Sansa had changed so much over the years and he was so proud of the woman she had become.
“The true north.” Tormund said as he looked out into the distance. “It runs in our very soul.” Sansa gave him a curious glance, which Tormund caught. “What?”
“I don’t remember you being so poetic.” Sansa mused causing Jon to laugh.
“Just wait until tonight,” Jon poked fun at his friend, “when he’s drinking whatever he’s drinking out of that cup of his.”
Tormund grinned. “Only if it is what our Queen demands.” Jon and Sansa laughed as Ghost howled in the distance.
-
Jon couldn’t remember their dinning area so full of life. Everyone had been chatting happily and there had even been music playing by some of the free folk. Jon couldn’t tear his eyes away from Sansa even if tried. He was trying to drink her in, remember every last detail of this moment so he could hold onto when she left in the morning. For her part Sansa had never felt happier. Of course she had had good days as Queen in Winterfell, but being around Jon, her family, nothing could compare to that.
Jon counted down the moments to when they could spend some time alone. After Sansa had told her guards she was perfectly safe with Jon did they let her walk with him to his chamber where she would stay the night. It wasn’t much, but he had the best bed and the warmest fire. He pushed open the door and nearly forgot he had all of her letter sprawled out along the table he sat at to write her. He looked over at Sansa, eyes wide with worry, but she was beaming.
“I don’t think anyone has been this interested in anything I’ve had to sat before.” She said with a genuine smile on her face. “I keep your letters by my bedside and when I am feeling upset I pull out my favorite ones and reread them.”
Jon felt himself relaxing as he closed the door behind them and got to work on a fire. He removed his cloak and Sansa did the same, relaxing in a chair nearest the fire. “What is your favorite letter?” He asked without thinking. Her comment had sparked a curiosity in him. He felt like he had never written about anything important really so he couldn’t imagine her having a favorite one.
“There’s one where you talked about the blooming of a winter flower and how rare they were beyond the wall.” Sansa said without hesitation, like she had already memorized every word. “You said they were a bright yellow, like the rising sun, that covered a small patch of open area amongst the winter trees. You talked about those flowers for nearly a full page.”
Jon smiled as he sat across from Sansa. He remembered those flowers. Winter Jasmine Tormund had said they were. “They reminded me of you.” He said softly. “Strong, resilient, survive the toughest of winters, and beautiful.”
Sansa blushed, her eyes moving towards the gift that was sitting on her lap. Jon had just now noticed it to. It was a medium sized package tied with a blue ribbon. Sansa stood up and handed it to him. “I made this for you.” She said as she watched him open it.
Jon ran his fingers over the soft fur and unfolded it to reveal the Stark sigil stitched onto one of the leather straps. It was like the one she had made him all those years ago. The one he had lost in the great wars. Jon could feel tears coming to his eyes, but he blinked them away. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had given him a gift. “Thank you, Sansa.”
“You’ll always be a Stark to me.” She responded softly, her hand laying over his own.
“Where did you find the time to make this?” He asked after she had sat back down.
Sansa chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and Jon wanted to reach out for her, but he remained rooted to his seat. He couldn’t start something that would be over by morning. His heart wouldn’t be able to take it.
“This year has been hard.” Sansa said after a moment and there was an edge to her voice. “I know it’s been hard for you since you were banished up here, but there was so much to fix after the war. The North is full of good people and I have many amazing advisors, but even after a full day and I was exhausted from my duties I couldn’t sleep at night. I would lay awake until my body couldn’t stand it anymore. The nights I didn’t have nightmares were a miracle.”
“Sansa…” Jon said his heart aching for her. He reached out and took her hand. Her soft fingers felt so familiar in his rough ones.
“So I spent my evenings I couldn’t sleep working on that for you.” Sansa said as she wiped a tear away from her cheek.
“Is that why you started writing letters?” Jon asked. He drew closer to her.
“I didn’t know if you would respond or even read them, but I didn’t know what else to do.” Sansa admitted, moving closer to Jon. “Arya is off sailing the world and Bran is the King of Westeros and the Three Eyed Raven. Brienne writes when she can, but as head of the King’s Guard she has other duties. I felt like I had no one.”
“You’ll always have me.” Jon responded immediately, his handing resting against her cheek, his eyes falling over her face.
“I was afraid you hated me for what I did.” Sansa admitted, her eyes falling down to her lap. “For telling Tyrion your secret when you had me swear not to.”
Jon nearly snorted. His parentage. His true identity of who he was. A trueborn Targaryen and a trueborn Stark. The heir to the Iron Throne and a threat to Dany’s claim. “You did what you thought was right.” Jon said after a moment. He could never hate Sansa for what she did. She was only protecting her family. “You know I’ve forgiven you.” He gave her a reassuring smile. How could he hate her when he loved her more than anyone in the world?
“Why did you write back?” Sansa asked.
Jon didn’t answer right away. There were several reasons he wrote to her, but he was afraid if he started listing them all then he would explode from the emotion of it all. “I missed you.” He said simply because it was the truth. He missed her like crazy and he had never imagined in his wildest dreams he would see her again or talk with her in person or get to kiss her….
“Jon…” Sansa whispered and she realized how close they were, but Sansa wanted to be closer. She had wanted this for so long. Someone to love her like her father had promised. Someone who was brave, gentle, and strong. Whether it was wrong or right Sansa didn’t care. They had been through so much and they deserved this one moment together.
Jon mirrored her movements and their lips met and he was still cupping her face and she wad gripping his shirt and everything felt so right. Jon was pulling her closer and Sansa scrambled to throw her arms around his neck. This was their pain and their healing. All the things they never said and all the tension built between them came flooding out and Jon could feel tears splashing on his cheeks from Sansa, but they were mixed with his own. For one moment Jon felt pure happiness for the first time in a long time.
“Come back to Winterfell with me.” Sansa breathed after a moment. “Come home.”
Jon froze and he pulled himself from her lips, his eyes meeting hers. He couldn’t have heard those words correctly. “What did you say?”
Sansa was still wrapped in his arms, her hair wild around her face as she gave him a steady gaze. “Come home, to Winterfell, with me. Be with me in our home.”
“Sansa,” Jon said as he got up, displacing her from his lap, “You know I can’t leave.” He ran a hair through his curls. What she was asking him was impossible.
“Jon,” Sansa said as she stood up to her fullest height, it was both terrifying and amazing, “I am the Queen in the North. He Wall is part of the North. I can pardon you if I so choose.”
“You can’t.” Jon said. “They won’t allow it.”
“Bran is the King and the Unsullied are gone.” Sansa said as she took a step towards him. “There’s nothing to fear.”
“What if it starts a war?” Jon asked. He couldn’t imagine Sansa dying for him, no, he wouldn’t let that happen. If she died then he would be good as dead too.
“Then I will go to war for you, Jon Snow.” Sansa said fiercely like the she wolf she was. “I nearly did it once before and I would do it again.”
Jon wanted to close the distance between them again and take her into his arms, kissing her like he had never kissed anyone before. He wanted to make love with her by the firelight and lie in bed next to her until the end of time, but he didn’t deserve that.
“I’m not worth it.” Jon said as he turned away from her. He wished she had never come. How would he ever say goodbye to her and go on with his life after tomorrow? She would probably marry some high lord and have a big family and forget the Jon Snow ever existed. The thoughts made his stomach twist and he felt like he wanted to throw up. Before he could do anything Sansa grabbed his arm, making him turn around. There was a fire in her eyes that he wished would engulf him until her turned to dust.
“You are to me.” Sansa said and he could see tears streaming down her cheeks in the firelight. “I love you, Jon, more than anything.”
Jon pulled her closer, their lips finding each other again and he hoped that she understood that he loved her too. He had loved her since they were reunited at the wall the first time and he loved her when he had been crowned King in the North. He loved her when he convinced a Dragon Queen he needed her armies and dragons. He loved her when he had to pretend to love someone else. He loved her through the battle of Winterfell and when he killed Dany in the throne room at Kings Landing. He loved her when they had said goodbye and he loved her with each passing day at the Wall.
“I love you.” Jon said after a moment. “But that’s why I can’t go with you.” He said as he took her face in his hands, their foreheads touching. “I can’t lose you.”
Sansa nodded her head, fighting the sobs rising in her chest. Jon was always the hero. She took a deep breath and looked into his blue eyes. “Then I want you to have me, all of me, tonight.”
“Sansa I-“ Jon started
“Fuck the rules, Jon.” Sansa said. “Be with me.”
Jon didn’t hesitate any longer as he kissed her again, this time hungrily and passionately. Her shaking fingers tore at his clothes and soon they ran over the scars that covered his chest. She helped him with her dress and soon it was on the floor and they both looked at each other for a moment. Sansa looked so beautiful in the firelight and the smile that fell across her lips sent a shiver down his spine.
“My queen.” Jon said as he kissed her again, taking her into his arms and hoisting her up on his hips. He backed her against the wall, his moth moving to her neck as her legs wrapped tightly around his torso.
“Swear yourself to me.” Sansa moaned in Jon’s ear.
Jon could feel himself swelling against her, but he wanted the moment to last and he wanted to give her everything. His slipped his fingers to her thighs, still supporting her against the wall, her breast against his chest. “I am yours.” Jon said in a low voice. “Always and forever.” His fingers worked against her soft skin and Sansa dug her nails into his back.
“Gods, Jon.” She moaned and Jon grew harder, but he was patient as Sansa moved against him, her breathing becoming heavier. He silenced her moans as he kissed her again and she was practically shaking from pleasure. Sansa could feel it coming and she bit down on Jon’s lip as she climaxed. Jon didn’t give her any breathing room as he moved them to the bed, slowly spreading her legs.
“Your grace.” Jon said as he caught her eye. He wanted to make sure it was okay, he loved her too much to hurt her. She nodded her head and Jon slipped inside of her, a fire roaring to life as their hips thrusted against one another. Their bodies tangles together and Jon help Sansa as he moved hard and quicker against her. Sansa’s moans of encouragement made it harder for him to not finish. His fingers worked back inside of her soft skin and Sansa thought she wouldn’t be able to handle the pleasure anymore. She screamed his name and Jon felt himself climax, leaning down and kissing her swollen lips.
“Stay here with me.” Sansa said as she pulled the furs of his bed over the both of them. Jon wrapped his arms around her, nestling his head in the crook of her neck. Anything for Sansa.
-
The morning came and when Jon woke, Sansa by his side, he had to blink back tears. She would be leaving in just a few hours and he didn’t know whether he could or if he would ever see her again. This moment between them was everything, but Jon knew he wouldn’t be able to live on only seeing each other once a year, always within reach, but not quite there. His heart ached and he pulled her closer.
Come to Winterfell with me.
Those words echoed over again in his head. He would follow her anywhere if he knew it wouldn’t put her in danger. He couldn’t risk her safety for his own selfishness. So he would let her leave and hopefully she would forget him and marry a high lord and rule over the North like the just Queen he knew she would be. He could remember this one night they had together and he would cherish it until his dying day.
The days he had spent at the wall were long, but today the morning was moving faster than Jon wished it would. Suddenly, they were standing in the courtyard saying their goodbyes.
“Thank you for having me at the Wall.” Sansa said politely. She was trying to keep her composure together in front of the Freefolk and her own men. She didn’t want them to see her heart breaking as she once again said goodbye to Jon.
“It was good to see you.” Jon said as he tried not to think of Sansa’s lips against his own. “You’ll keep writing?” He asked hopefully. He knew he would never be able to cut her out completely.
“Of course.” Sansa said with a nod of her head and before Jon could say another word she was crushing him in a hard embrace. Jon pulled her close and he could feel her lips graze against his ear. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He whispered back, holding her tighter. If she didn’t leave soon then he would never be able to let her go. When they parted he noticed a few tears spilling over her cheeks. “Be safe.” He said as he gently wiped them away.
Sansa nodded her head and leaned down to give a pet to Ghost, the direwolf whimpering softly at her touch. Jon walked her over to her horse, helping her on. Sansa gave him a small wave and the gate opened as Jon stepped back, watching her leave. She threw him one last smile and Jon nearly took off after her. Once the gates had closed and everyone had returned to their business Tormund strolled over to Jon.
“She has the true North in her, you know that?” Tormund asked as he looked at Jon.
“She deserves someone that can take care of her without starting a war.” Jon said. He knew there was no point in hiding anything from Tormund.
“Who says it will start a war?” Tormund asked. “Besides we’ll be right here when you’re ready to return.”
Jon looked at Tormund, his lips twitching into a smile. “It’s against the rules.”
“Jon look where rule following got you in the first place.” Tormund said with a grin. “So fuck the rules and be with the woman you love.”
Jon pulled Tormund into an embrace before he and Ghost took off for the stables. He knew they didn’t get too far ahead and he spotted her just beyond a set of trees. His galloping hoarse caught them off guard and he was nearly shot until Sansa told her men to stand down. Jon effortlessly dropped down from his hoarse as he moved to Sansa who fell into his open arms.
“What are you doing?” She asked breathlessly.
“I’m going home.” He said before he leaned down and kissed her. She tasted like the first snow. The fire roaring in the heart of Winterfell. Sansa tasted like home.