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I know to be there
When and where, I'll be there
You know what's to be said
We said out loud, we never said
A premonition of the world comes to me
A sun in your hands from the middle life
Says I'm alright
- The xx, "Together"
-x-
Though he had always wandered through life with plenty of company, there had been a painful loneliness that he had cast in the back of his mind. The murder of Shoyou-sensei had struck him deeper than the marrow in his bones. Some days he had understood why Takasugi had gone mad, susceptible to the insanity that accompanied a profound loss.
Then he'd met her. She struck him as lonely, too.
Gintoki wasn't a man who indulged in fate or girlish nonsense like that. But eventually he could see a woman who was a lot like him, sometimes too much for comfort. Beneath the veneer of self-deprecating humor, he could see there was something that held her back, as if something so painful would tip her over if you observed her closely.
He envied her then. On Shoyou's dying day, there had been none of his pupils to carry his body for a proper funeral. She had the privilege of closure. He'd averted her eyes when she carried her master onto her shoulders.
But there'd been no closure, not for him. There was nobody to punish but himself, and he carried the weight of the memory in silence. It was too foolish to believe that the pain would simply go away. It would diminish with time, but the poisonous wave of rage would have never subsided.
-x-
"Did you kill him?" she asked hesitantly as he laid in his futon, bandaged after his fight with Oboro.
"No."
"I see."
The smoke wafts lazily in his room, like a familiar comrade whose name used to curl around his tongue more often than he could count.
She takes out an ashtray from her sleeve and taps the excess from her pipe. Breathes out some more smoke. He wonders if she's came here to reassure herself that they're still alive or because there's another reason.
"Gintoki."
"Hm?"
"Don't push yourself. I... a lot of people would be... devastated if you died."
He flicks open one eye and stares at her.
"I know."
It's hard for her to express what she thinks. He's the same way. He dwells on things and keeps them shut in his head. There are things that his kids can't know because it's his duty to shield them from things they're not old enough to understand.
Like the stinking smell of a corpse rotted for three days, or a freshly cut head resting on a white sheet of linen cloth.
"Take care, Gintoki." She sets a carton of strawberry milk next to his futon and stands up.
"... See ya."
He realized belatedly his inability to interact with a normal woman his own age. It's not that Tsukuyo was normal - far from it, in fact especially when alcohol was around her - but relatively speaking, she was quiet and mild-mannered.
Alone without something to inspire mockery, he wouldn't have anything to say of importance. It wouldn't have been troubling if he thought he -
"Don't even think about it," he said, aloud to himself more than anyone else.
-x-
Years pass by. She and him intersect in different directions, but never quite connect.
"She's not here right now," Hinowa said. "She's working, the poor thing. While everybody is having fun on New Year's she's by herself... "
"Right," Gintoki said, his breath puffing into air, shivering slightly in the cold weather. "By the way I wanted to give Seita an envelope."
"How lovely, thank you. You didn't have to. But I'll take it to him if you want."
"No problem," he said, extending a red slip of paper to the other woman. "Now that - " my daughter, he wanted to say, but instantly corrected himself before it tumbled out - "Kagura is gone, I don't have to work so hard to feed myself."
"How is she doing?"
"Good. Blasting space aliens, financially burdening her father, making a name for herself... She's having fun." He grinned at the thought of her last letter. He would read it again later tonight.
"I'm glad to hear that."
A relaxed silence came between the two of them while they watched the snow fall from the roof to the ground. He looked up, and remembered when it had been wrenched open that fateful day.
"Is it lonely, living by yourself these days?"
"Not too bad," he said. "Shinpachi comes but not as often as he used to."
Kagura and Shinpachi are growing up, and he knows it. He can see that one day Shinpachi is going to come once a month instead of four days a week; that he'll finally sell all his Otsuu posters and CDs and find a decent girlfriend. Kagura is already somewhere else, in love with a new phase of her life, and just like that, she'll come back and never call him Gin-chan anymore. She'll drop the "aru" from her sentences and he won't know what to make of it.
Somehow this all depresses him, but what can he do? It happened with his old war buddies; all leading their own lives and only meeting each other sporadically. He pretends Takasugi doesn't exist, Katsura is always on the run, and Sakamoto is flying god-knows-where.
"Gin-san, it was nice of you to visit," Hinowa said. "Might not you wait a bit before Tsukuyo comes?"
"I don't think she'd care either way," he said.
"That's not true. She... " at this she paused, as if to deliberate on a sudden turn of fate, "She's not that sort of careless woman."
Gintoki shrugged, as if he could care less, turning on his heel as if to leave. He could see Hinowa protesting silently, watching him from behind, but the burden of filling a gaping expectation was too overwhelming.
-x-
"They told me you were decayin', but I didn't think it was this bad," she said as she examined his house. It was a mess, he knew. He hadn't thrown out the garbage in two weeks and there were empty cups of ramen littering the floor all over.
"Sheddep," he said, mildly sick to his stomach. She had found him drunk, puking his guts out in a backside alley.
"Well, I figure even someone like you has to be taken care of once in a while." She shook off her boots and helped him take off his own.
"..."
"What?"
"... why the hell are you helping me?"
"Because why not?"
"Tsukky, in case you haven't realized, you're in the house of an intoxicated person. Like, you know. Me."
"I'm not worried," she said.
"Oh, right, I keep forgetting you're the sort of girl who'd sue for someone poking your boob on a packed train."
"Don't make weird comparisons."
"'Tis true, though," Gintoki replied in slurred syllables.
He attempted to rise up but tripped unceremoniously. Tsukuyo quickly caught him in her arms.
It'd been years since she had felt the warmth of his shoulders. "Steady now," she said quietly. "Don't trip."
She led him to his bed.
"Thanks," he said as she tucked in the covers.
"It's no problem."
She was about to rise, leaving him when he rasped out, "Wait."
"Yeah?" She crouched down, looking at him once again.
"You ever thought about dying alone, without kids or a family, and you see yourself in the mirror growing older and older and think that your life might have been a waste of time?"
"Gintoki..."
"Because I do. All the time."
"I'm sure you'll meet a woman," she said, averting her eyes. "And have lots of grandkids. You said so. Remember that day I met you in Yoshiwara? Don't underestimate yourself."
"What if I already have?"
Tsukuyo couldn't answer.
"What if she's already in front of me?"
"..."
"Why won't you say anything?"
"Go to sleep, Gintoki," she said quietly. Against his will, his body finally gave up and succumbed to slumber.
-x-
"I wasn't kidding when I told you I liked you, you know," he said ever so casually, quietly behind her back. She had gone to do some grocery shopping for Hinowa and hadn't noticed him until he was paying for a copy of Shonen Jump.
"Don't say that kinda bullshit in front of the cashier!" she hissed. Her face had turned beetroot red when she realized who the man was behind her in line.
"It's true," he said. His normally dull eyes had an odd spark of vitality to them today.
She willed the cashier to scan her items more quickly by counting to ten. One... two... three...
"Ignoring me won't work. Now, I'm not so stupid as to grab any parts of you since that would invite physical submission, but frankly - "
"Gintoki."
"Hm?"
"Shut up."
"That'll be 2400 yen; cash or credit?" the cashier helpfully interjecting in the conversation.
"Credit," Tsukuyo said, taking out her wallet.
"She'll be buying the Shonen Jump too - " Gintoki said, most unhelpfully, ignoring the murderous glares of the woman next to him.
"Oh right right, just lemme scan it out for you. How long have you two been married?"
This last sentence was so alarming that Tsukuyo promptly forgot the fact that the cashier was also scanning a carton of strawberry milk and a pack of deodorant.
"We're not married!" and "Fifteen years!" were heard at the same time. The cashier just chuckled, pressed a few buttons and said "Have a nice day, then."
"Hey, stop feeding the audience the delusion that we'd make a good couple!"
"As opposed to a dysfunctional couple, or perhaps a bad couple?"
He had raised his eyes when she refused to deign him a reply.
"Tsukuyo. Be honest. Do you think we'd be good together?"
"I can't imagine why we would," she said, though she was pointedly looking away. "Though I thought you were joking when you... well."
"Those men in Yoshiwara may lie about those sorts of things, but I've always been an honest drunk."
She smiled sadly.
"Gintoki, it wouldn't work out. What respectable man wants to take on a woman who works in Yoshiwara as a proper wife?"
"I don't give a damn about something trivial like that," he said.
"Your parents will." She had seen many a girl shamed by her patronage's immediate family.
"I've never had any. Not connected by blood, anyway."
She looked up, eyes in wonder. "You were an orphan?"
A brief nod.
"I never knew."
"Most people don't."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
The street of Edo was loud and noisy, bustling with business as the two of them watched the street in midday. Gintoki's motorbike was parked nearby from the supermarket. A profound silence grew between them as they were thinking, pondering.
"I'll give it a try," she said finally.
It's a start, he thinks. And he grins, because he hasn't looked like a total idiot, though she says "Shut up, you look like an idiot," literally three seconds after he thinks this to himself.
-x-
Her father used to smoke pipes after the end of a hard day's work in the rice fields. Then when the typhoons flooded everything away, her house became nothing more than a pile of sticks. She saw her siblings withering away until Father had to make a decision, to do away with one less mouth to feed.
The Amanto led her away and she had wept bitterly until she had entered Yoshiwara, a city that had no sympathy for a child. Girls were whisked away, either to be apprentices or servants until they were old enough to start selling their bodies. Such things would have happened to her had not Jiraia bought her out of debt and apprenticed her as a hardened warrior.
No matter what one thought of her master, she - his student - never resented him. The life of the prostitute was harsh even after the sky opened. It was competitive and what was popular one season might go out the next.
She saw her role as a silent guardian, since a city without the law of the Shogun was prone to deviances such as illegal drugs and child trafficking. To her relief most brothels were against child prostitution but there were some who still indulged a loyal customer once in a while.
Tsukuyo was a more complicated and more charitable woman than most, having worked for little money nor prestige for something that she believed in. Having known the misery of isolation, her body was lean and tough, her aim marked with a deadly precision built on years of practice and brutal repetition.
Killing men who raped women, trafficked children, and abused countless victims came too easily for her. Forgiving women was far easier.
Or so she had assumed, until she had met Sakata Gintoki.
After so many years she was unsure of thinking of herself as something important. There were other people to take care of, things to be conscious, the big picture to consider. So when she realized that she could not deny feelings for him, it felt like a betrayal.
Had she not given up her celibacy, her womanhood to protect others? she thought bitterly to herself as she stared at the ceiling at dawn, willing herself to go to sleep. Why now - at an old age, where no one could take her seriously as a woman - to be shy or God forbid, cautious around such a man? He was not remarkable at all, and yet something lit in her blood like fire when she came across him occasionally in the Kabuki-chou district.
Hinowa had smiled gently, upon Tsukuyo confiding her feelings.
"I'll give up everything I worked for," she said miserably, "should I choose to accept my feelings."
"Have you considered that he might reciprocate?"
At that she shook her head no. "Never. Why me?"
-x-
She still questions the same thing whenever she sees him watching the news weather lady on TV. She doesn't get angry, because there's a difference between infatuation and love, but she still leans on his shoulder for confirmation - "Why are you with me?" she asks through wordless sighs of exasperation. He just prods her gently on the forehead with a finger, telling her to shush and it is easily one of the most hurtful things he can do to her. She idly observes the pang in her heart and she goes off on patrol, trying not to be visibly annoyed because Gintoki is easily one of the most perceptive men she's met and it wouldn't do any good to cry in front of him.
Later he catches up to her and kisses the back of her hand, and she thinks: Ketsuno Ana, for all her superior beauty, could never appreciate the man next to her.
Their relationship is formed silently through actions more than words and still she does not know Gintoki too well, other than the fact that his favorite pajamas are the green pairs and he sloppily leaves his boots at the door with disregard to how unorganized it is. He takes too many sugar cubes in his tea and knows how to make a damn good creme brulee - though she would never admit it to him other than a smile or a small nod of approval.
She feels younger than she really is when he says, "Come over." His house on top of Otose's Snack Bar is comforting and strange at the same time.
He discovers that caffeine makes her loopy and this is how they finally kiss after so many years of ignoring the tension and hints between each other. Her lips are as soft as rose petals and he realizes that only after she puts her head on the table, drunk as she might be with sake if she was a regular woman. In the morning she sorts of remembers it and when asking him he nods in confirmation. He laughs at her face turning red, makes a lewd joke, and before she knows it he approaches her again and kisses all the embarrassment from her mind.
She drowns in the sky that is him, and succumbs slowly but surely.
-x-
Gintoki sometimes is surprised that he's found a gem, despite all his gamely insults towards her: that she's a pain in the ass, that she's too damn violent, she makes fun of him too often, that she's too much of man.
Despite her quirks and temper, she's easily one of the most unconsciously beautiful women he's ever met, which is saying a lot. He's astute enough to realize that most women wouldn't give him the light of day, with a wishy-washy income like his and a general "don't care" attitude. So when someone like her - who is considerably sane in terms of the characters he meets on a day-to-day basis - gives him a chance, he notices. He notices the New Year Cards, and the halting voice when she's near him, and the pink flush that adorns her cheeks when he teases her. He knows a lot more than people give him credit for.
She takes him in, doesn't see the gambling as a bad thing as long as its his money, or consider it an insult when he wants to go out for dessert rather than a proper meal. She accepts it all. If there's ever a moment where he proves he's a complete loser, she only sighs, pulls him out of a mess, and straightens him out like a good woman.
Figures he'd end up dating someone who wasn't as easygoing as he was, but then again he's not the type of man to deny attraction when he sees it.
-x-
Otose calls her one stormy night.
"I think you should come over," the old woman said, anxiously. "I just have a bad feeling - "
"I'll be right over," Tsukuyo said immediately, and she races to the elevators that take her from the bottom of Yoshiwara to ground level. She runs quickly, like a bullet under the silver sheets of rain.
It is eerily quiet in his apartment. She takes off her boots quietly, and creeps into his place. Her kimono is soaked, her skin warm and flushed. Tsukuyo pulls off her hair ornaments and squeezes the excess water out, combing it through with her fingers.
She finds him in his kitchen, drinking a cup of sake. He's staring at something, past her. His eyes are vacant, though he appears normal from a distance.
But she knows better.
"Gintoki?" she said softly.
"Hi," he said.
"Hello," she said.
Suddenly he smashes the sake bottle on the table. The glittering pieces of glass sparkle in the dim light like a million stars. Tsukuyo doesn't flinch, but her eyes widen just a fraction.
"Fifteen years," he says, with undisguised anger. He uncorks another sake bottle and takes a long draft.
"My master been dead for fifteen years," he said savagely. "And I've never had the pleasure of ripping the man who cut his head off."
She sees three or four other bottles, empty, rolling aimlessly off the table. He's had more than a few. She tries to put the pieces together.
It'd never been a subject worth prying into. But she's here, and he sounds less like the man she loves than the man she's seen years ago, shivering with rage in the Shogun's palace.
"Perhaps another man was better off avengin' him," she said softly, her blue eyes fixed on his red. "I don't doubt for a second that the Sadasada's killing was from someone who was wronged."
"I should have done it," he said.
"You're no man of vengeance," she says calmly.
"You don't know that. I've killed people - made them suffer - "
"You would rather protect others," she said, and she has never been more certain of this than anything else. A cool hand touches his cheek.
"And I failed," he said. "I couldn't protect Takasugi, I couldn't help my comrades, I couldn't - "
He breaks off in a sob. "I couldn't do anything in the end..."
She felt like crying, too. Instead she laid her head against his neck, her hair smelling like the stormy rain from outside and the smoke from tobacco smoked days before.
This is all I can do, she thinks as she undresses in front of him.
-x-
There are two types of women in Yoshiwara. The first one asks for compensation in exchange for her body. The second one gives it freely - out of sympathy, compassion, love.
It was odd, in retrospect. She crossed the final threshold of adulthood with an uncertainty that comes in sharp pangs. Gintoki is feverish, thrusting in her as if to banish the bad memories away. The question of whether he really looks at her comes up again, and finally she understands what the courtesans mean when they say there is pleasure in pain.
Still, there's a moment when he pauses and realizes in horror what she is giving up through the haze of alcohol. "You're - I can't - "
"It's okay," she reassures him. "I can get contraceptives tomorrow."
"That's not what I meant," Gintoki said, visibly upset. "You were a virgin."
"So?" she said casually, lighting up her pipe. "I woulda given it away eventually."
She tests out her limbs and there's a soreness down there, something she hopes will go away. Still, there isn't any bleeding - just a sensation of being stretched. There are a few bruises on her buttocks but those are easily covered.
"Tsukuyo," he said seriously.
"Hm?"
"Don't let me do that to you ever again," he said, voice deep and low.
"Okay," she said.
"I wanted you to be screaming my name," he said, and the intensity of his eyes inflicts heat in places she'd never expect. "I wanted you to cum first. To beg for release. I didn't want your first time to be like this."
She kisses him because there is no other way to console his desolation. Her head is dizzy from the taste of his mouth. Between kisses she murmurs, "It's okay."
-x-
The sakura trees shed their flower petals one by one on top of their blanket that they spread on the grass.
She leans on him comfortably, on his shoulder. He grins when he realizes that she's dozing off. Her pale lashes flutter dreamily as she breathes in the spring air.
This is as closest that he'll get to any public display of attention - it's difficult for him to rationalize holding her hand when the automatic assumption-slash-reaction is to get his head pummeled into the ground - so he takes a moment to really enjoy the physical contact.
He says in a straightforward manner, "Man, you're cute." As expected, there is no response, just slow breathing, and he continues to watch the cherry blossoms fall slowly to the ground.
He used to think that life was good, in the way that he expected to get home and have his two kids take care of him without asking for anything in return. But time never stopped still, even good things had to end eventually. He had moved forward each time - once upon a time he had decided this over Otose's manju and now it's the sight of Tsukuyo sleeping on his shoulder.
He makes a decision, simply because the time is right and fitting, enemies be damned. If living well is the best revenge, then he's already conquered the rest of the world.
-x-
"Oh my god," groans Seita, unfortunately fourteen and more obnoxious than Gintoki remembers him being in a while. "Look at you two. I'm going to be sick."
There's a dead silence before he clears his throat. "You guys aren't that subtle. Okay?"
More silence, until Seita realizes the horror of what he has to clarify.
"I could hear both of you - um... " For a boy who lives in Yoshiwara it's still embarrassing as hell to even say those words.
Tsukuyo lifts Gintoki off the ground. "I wanted to go to a love hotel, goddammit - "
"He's fourteen, I'm sure he hears that sort of thing all the time - "
"It doesn't matter! The hell is wrong with you? I bet you wouldn't want Kagura to hear us in your room!"
"Uh, guys, I'm still here."
-x-
"We should get married," he says randomly as she's chewing the last piece of dango on a bamboo skewer.
Needless to say, she choked. Handing over a glass of water, he patiently waited before she swallowed, eyes watering.
"THE HELL ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT MARRIAGE FOR - "
"I think it's an excellent idea," Kagura said, emerging from the closet, yawning. "Other than that stalker, Tsukky's probably the only woman who can tolerate Gin-chan for more than a week."
"Kagura!"
"What? I'm just sayin' the truth. Hell you even started reading Jump - "
"Did not - "
"Did too, I totally heard you making a Gintaman joke the other day - "
"That's none of yer business, and since when did you live in his closet? I thought you were in space."
"Well I was. Then Sadist said he would treat me to dinner, and Papi said he'd rip his head off if I said yes, so here I am," she finished with a flourish.
"Seems like your father's doing something right for a change. Bring me his topknot next time," Gintoki said gruffly.
"Stop changing the subject, both of you. Besides, I found this under my pillow."
Gintoki swiped the box away from her. "Brat. I haven't even bought the insurance for that yet."
"Insurance? Wait, when did you get the money to buy something that needs insurance?"
"Stop worrying," he said. "Kagura, the real adults have something to discuss, so at least pretend to get out, okay?"
She stuck her tongue out. "Whatever," and walked out. When the door was shut, Gintoki turned to Tsukuyo and said, "Hey let's go over to your place."
"Wait, I thought we were going to talk about marriage."
"That can come later," he said. "I really, really need to stock up on some adzuki buns. And they swore that Yoshiwara actually makes them really well."
"Right now? But I just came over to your place."
"Like I said, the store in Kabuki-chou closed down. Damn those Amantos. We should torch 'em later."
"You could get one at the convenience store - HEY, WHERE ARE YA GOING - "
"Out. Feel free to follow."
She resisted the urge to punch him, and sighed. "Gintoki, you're a silly man, did you know that? Traveling an hour and a half to get adzuki buns..."
"What are you talking about? The best way to live a full life is to be a child, no matter your age."
-x-
"I swear the internet cafe said the address was around here - "
"Uh-huh," Tsukuyo said, skeptical.
"Oh well, never mind. I guess the place where we first met isn't too bad either."
"... Huh?"
Gintoki ripped the box open and took out a small case. "Right, one gold for me, one silver for you - "
She blinked, confused. "Wait, what are ya doing?"
He cleared his throat. "Proposing."
It takes her three seconds before she turned red. "Gintoki!"
"You don't have to react like that. I know I'm no great catch, but I think - no wait, I know that I'm supposed to be with you. You make me want to be a better man."
He slipped the ring onto her calloused fingers.
"All I really know is that I don't want you to be a stranger towards me anymore... I want you to weep when you need to and ask for help. I want you to lean on me with your runny nose. I want you to cry when you feel like crying. Laugh when you feel like laughing. When you're tearing up with an ugly face, I'll give you a good cry with an uglier face. When you're laughing so hard your stomach hurts, I'll laugh in a louder voice."
(And here, Tsukuyo really tried not to cry. She really did.)
"Will you marry me?"
"Stupid," she said quietly. "You're not supposed to slip on the ring before the girl says yes."
"You want me to take it off?"
"I didn't say no."
He laughs, beautifully bright and clear.
"Good, because I bought them with your credit card."
-x-
She made pancakes on Sunday morning. No reason, other than the fact that Gintoki has spent an afternoon weeks ago schooling her on the precise combination of baking soda and flour to make the perfect fluffy confection, topped off with strawberries and thick maple syrup.
They turned out awful. She was about to throw them out before she heard him slide open his bedroom door.
"Oh, I thought you'd left - "
He paused, sniffing the air. "Wait, were you cooking?"
She turned pink and proceeded to violently chuck the offending black coal into the trash can. "I was. Now I'm not."
Before they completely disappeared into the garbage he picked one up, examining the ruined pancake. "You shouldn't mix the liquid and dry stuff together so soon. They're only fluffier when the batter's lumpy."
"Duly noted," she said. He grinned and flicked her affectionately on the forehead.
It'd been a week after he proposed and after she had kicked him the balls for stealing her credit card, she ordered him to keep housekeeper at her newly rented apartment. He agreed, and so far he did a fine job, keeping it clean. He still kept up his freelancing business but so far he had been a good boy, not even touching a single pachinko parlor.
To be fair, he was going to pay it back anyway, she thought to herself as she waited patiently for him to flip a new batch of crepes. At least he'd been honest.
And her ring was gorgeous, in an understated way. It was the color of his hair two shades darker, gleaming brightly in the sunlight, reflecting the moonlight at night. He'd gotten the alchemist to mix up the metal so that it was slim in order to not interfere with her kunai, but tough enough to withstand everyday life.
Practical, like the way she wanted everything.
-x-
"We're really here to celebrate Kintoki's first marriage - ahahaha - "
"Shut up! Who says I'm going to get married a second time?"
"Out of us four I'm surprised that he's the one who got hitched first."
"You'd be the one who'd get hitched first if you weren't a terrorist, Zura!"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura."
The three of them were at Oryou's booth, presumably because Sakamoto had wanted to see the girl once more. Unfortunately it was mere minutes before she tired of his company and delivered a left-hand uppercut, effectively cutting their time short.
"... So," Katsura said (dressed in his space captain outfit and looking no less ridiculous than Sakamoto). "About the woman that you're marrying - "
"She's off limits, Zura."
He had the audacity to look outraged. "I would never do that to a trusted comrade of mine! But I don't think I've met her before or heard of her name."
"Tsukuyo works in Yoshiwara," Gintoki said, taking a sip of alcohol. "No, not as a prostitute, Zura, she's kind of like a police officer only with scars and too many knives."
"That's unexpectedly kinky, ahahaha - " Apparently Sakamoto had a much faster recovery time than most people.
"Stop making me out to be a masochist!"
"Do you think we could meet her?"
"She's probably working right now."
"Do you have a picture?"
"What is this, high school?" Gintoki asked, disgusted. "That's it, you two are never coming to my wedding."
"I'll behave, Kintoki - "
"There's no point inviting someone who hasn't gotten my name right for over a decade."
"But we've been friends for so long, Gintoki! You need a best man."
"You're kidding! You're a wanted terrorist! I won't jeopardize my wedding for your ego." He tossed back a shot of vodka. "You guys are nuts, you hear me? Nuts."
"Maybe she's hideous, that's why Gintoki doesn't want us to meet him."
"Or maybe she's secretly an Amanto? That would put off Zura, wouldn't it."
"Or maybe," Gintoki growled, "You two are certified idiots."
Two weeks later, they met Tsukuyo anyway for nabe, which was admittedly the only thing she could cook in his apartment. Katsura was wearing his pirate costume once more, only removing the hook and eyepatch once Gintoki let him into his apartment and Sakamoto had left his business to Mutsu as usual.
"Takasugi couldn't come, but I'm sure he's too busy with other things - "
" - Yeah, like blowing up Amanto embassies or making deals with space pirates," Gintoki interrupted loudly. "Listen, you two, no funny business, okay?
"What sort of funny business?" a voice asked. The door slid open to reveal Tsukuyo dressed in a short black kimono with her standard maple leaf pattern.
She's here! both Katsura and Sakamoto thought at the same time. To their surprise an extremely attractive woman had seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Sakamoto blinked. "Who are you?"
"Oh, right. Gintoki hasn't told you my name? I'm Tsukuyo, his fiance."
Sakamoto looked at her. And then at Gintoki, who was idly picking his nose. And then back at Tsukuyo.
"Seriously though, who are you?"
Gintoki was starting to get irritated. "Tatsuma..."
"Yeah, I know, you're starting to wonder how someone like me is settlin' down for this loser," Tsukuyo said, grinning. "But no, he didn't coerce me into anything."
They had a good laugh before she lit up the portable heater with blue flame.
"Tsukuyo-dono, you're aware that Gintoki actually is a former Jouishishi?" Katsura asked, while the soup was simmering. "Now he's just your average slacker."
"Zura, I'm going to break your face before you break up this engagement," Gintoki threatened.
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura."
"It's not a big deal," Tsukuyo said, taking a sip of tea while eying Gintoki cautiously. "I can work for the two of us, and anyways he's not always a slacker."
"But I mean, such a beautiful woman like you deserves - um - " (Here Gintoki glared at Sakamoto with the intensity of a million suns) " - better."
"Better?" she asked, genuinely curious. "What do you mean, better?"
"For instance, he's got a history of visiting brothels - "
" - and drinking, ahahaha - "
"Not to mention unscrupulous gambling - "
"You guys went with me on all those occasions!"
She burst out laughing, which surprised all three of them. It wasn't often that she witnessed Gintoki embarrassed.
"With all respect, Sakamoto-san and Katsura-san, I work in such places of gambling, brothels, and bars." She smiled sweetly at Gintoki. "Of course, I'll be the first to know if he'll ever patronize another."
Th-this woman is scary!
"Ah, but judgin' from how well they know you, they really are your friends, Gintoki! How did you guys meet?"
"Well, I've known Gintoki since we were boys in temple school. All the way back in Hagi, in fact."
"I met him on a boat coming to shore during the war," Sakamoto replied. "And how about you, Tsukuyo-san?"
"We met in Yoshiwara."
An awkward silence made all three of them uneasy before she clarified, "He was there on freelancer request, not anything like what you're thinkin'. I was really there to arrest him for property damage, but I guess I really liked him even back then." She laughed awkwardly while secretly dying inside.
"R-right, Tsukuyo-dono," Katsura said while fixing Gintoki a hard look.
You impregnated her, didn't you?
No, stop imagining things like that! You've been watching too many Korean dramas! Gintoki thought back furiously.
"Anyways, the nabe is ready, so help yourselves," she said, turning off the portable stove.
"I still can't get over it! Kintoki's got a babe, and here we all are, single bachelors for life ~ "
"It's not single bachelor, it's Katsura."
Tsukuyo looked over him curiously. It wasn't often that she met men with such luxuriously long hair as Katsura's, and he spoke so politely that she couldn't help but ask, "Katsura-san, what is it that you do for a livin', if I so may ask?"
Bad idea! Gintoki thought, but Katsura simply replied, "I'm a space captain." Tsukuyo frowned, as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
Dinner passed by easily enough, the conversation was light and entertaining. That was before Sakamoto proposed for all four of them to go for a drink.
"Bad idea," Gintoki said. "She can't hold her liquor."
"You're probably better off drinkin' without Gintoki," Tsukuyo retorted, just as sharply. He just rolled his eyes.
"I'll help clean up," Katsura offered and Tsukuyo smiled warmly in return.
-x-
Tsukuyo had retired for the night, back to sharpening her kunai as she always did before another day of work. Sakamoto left shortly afterwards, looking for Mutsu before she left him behind on Earth. There were two left, and they stood casually in the kitchen, sharing a conversation.
"What do you think?" he asked Katsura as he diligently washed the bowls and chopsticks with surprising efficiency.
"About Tsukuyo-dono?"
"Yeah."
"She's very lovely. She won my heart after she said Katsura, not Zura."
Gintoki had to smile at that. "Actually, she's the farthest thing from lovely, but I'll be sure to let her know."
"I have to admit, Gintoki, I didn't expect you to be the type to marry. What changed your mind?"
He was the wild card out of the bunch; a little brash and somewhat careless. Seeing him enter a phase of domesticity was baffling. If anything, Gintoki knew he had a point - Katsura really was more ideal to play the role of a dutiful husband.
That being said, he wasn't lying when he said, "When I realized I couldn't let her go."
"I see."
"Zura, you should get out of the Joui business too. Maybe you could make a new start in Kyoto with Ikumatsu. You could ask her to sell the shop, considering she's from such a rich family, yeah?"
Katsura sighed. "You are utterly incorrigible. It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And I refuse. I've always looked after this nation, whether it is to protect it from the means of Takasugi - or merely the means to protect the samurai from dying out altogether."
He stacked the dishes neatly in the dishwasher to dry. "Regardless, Gintoki, I wish the best in your marriage. I might not be able to attend but like you said, I don't think you'd need me anyway to celebrate that kind of thing."
-x-
The day came, sunny and bright. Hinowa was as happy as a lark while she applied makeup on Tsukuyo's complexion, careful not to cover up the scar that lined her cheek and forehead.
"Sarutobi came to speak with me yesterday," she said softly. "She said something ridiculous like, 'I'm going to destroy this wedding'! Or something like that."
"Oh, did she now? Sounds fun."
Unlike the vast majority of the women who lived in Edo, Tsukuyo did not really place much stock in a wedding. She and Gintoki had already filed out the paperwork for the marriage to be legalized in the Shinsengumi's department, to the amusement of the police officers (who seemed to know Gintoki well).
In any case it had only been the request of Kagura and Shinpachi that she even considered a small ceremony to be necessary.
"You're marrying that guy and you're not even having a wedding?" Kagura had screeched, incredulous that such a cool older sister of hers would forgo convention. She was 18 and well-versed already in the issues of love.
"... What does it matter? No one will attend."
"That's totally untrue, Tsukuyo-san!" Shinpachi said earnestly. "We'll make sure lots of people come."
Judging from the crowd of well-dressed people milling around the temple shrine, both of them had sent a plethora of invites. She was a little scared but also touched by their concern. Hinowa had already invited half of Yoshiwara to watch something as silly as a union of love.
But it was nothing compared to Gintoki; he was still a popular man by default; he was someone's older brother, father figure, friend, comrade, partner-in-crime, S&M dream partner, gambling buddy - and so, the entire district of Kabuki-chou had shut down to attend their wedding.
"I didn't ask for this," he grumbled, coming into her dressing room, attempting to tie his tuxedo bow for the umpteenth time.
"Hey! You're not supposed to see the bride before you walk down the aisle!" Hinowa chastised, but he ignored her and examined Tsukuyo.
Her fair hair had been brushed and glossed to perfection and her complexion was glowing. A thick coat of mascara defined her lashes and brought out her blue eyes; a light pink gloss emphasized her lips with a bit of shine. The wedding dress was as white as snow, delicately emphasizing her womanly figure.
He had never really seen her dolled up before; it was something he had deeply appreciated about a woman who had no sense of vanity. But today, he thought her too unearthly beautiful for words. Ordinarily Tsukuyo could turn heads without even trying, but today was a whole new level.
God. I'm actually marrying this woman.
"Am I to your liking?" she asked cautiously, after Hinowa lightly brushed a small amount of blush on her cheeks.
"Better than that hobo kimono you wear to work everyday," he said. She smacked him on the arm. "Is that anythin' to say to your future wife?"
"Hey, don't pretend you didn't have a choice," he teased her. "You could have sued me for identity theft, but you didn't."
"And I could have just told you that you suck at deflectin' kunai, but I didn't."
He placed a hand on his chest. "You slay me."
Later, Hinowa would write down that the two were smiling like idiots.
-x-
She bought a small house on the outskirts of Edo with her savings and he moved out of Otose's apartment. He loved Kabuki-chou for what it was and regretted having to leave. But it was an unwritten rule that she wouldn't have married him if he couldn't let her love Yoshiwara the way she did, and anyways it wasn't a big deal, he figured. The house was halfway between two places they belonged to, he could compromise with that and he still sees the Shinsengumi time to time and his freelancing ways still makes good business.
It's a different neighborhood, with less raunchy streets of cabarets and good places to drink, but there are parks nearby and a river that isn't completely polluted. He takes a sign of not being disappointed as an affirmation that he's an older man now - not obscenely old, but still, middle-aged. Gintoki accepts that he's not in his twenties anymore and it's a different perspective, being a married man to a complete babe who brings in the dough. It's like he's winning without having to even try.
Later they'll make love and she breathes hard after she climaxes and he decides to say something to her. Unfortunately she doesn't hear it the first time.
"You want me to stop what?"
He sighed. "You oughtta stop smoking. It's bad for you."
She scowled, a facial expression of natural defensiveness. "What about you and drinkin', though?"
"Hey, drinking has its benefits! Whereas smoking - none. You're going to keel over from God knows what sort of lung disease, whereas I'll be fit as a fiddle."
She snorted quietly. "And who are you tell me to quit, Gintoki?"
"Apart from being your beloved, I also plan on being the father of your children."
Tsukuyo burst out laughing. "Children! What makes you think I'll have children?"
She didn't think she was good enough to deserve children. She didn't know how to take care of them - Gintoki did, having raised Kagura like a daughter, but as for her, she was unsure with how to really raise children. Not when she grew up too fast in a place like shut-in Yoshiwara.
How did people even do it, taking responsibility for an innocent child whose entire existence depended on you, the parent? She was fine being the odd mixture of sister and aunt to Seita, but having her own was unfathomable.
Gintoki cocked his head. "I think you'd be a good mother," he said.
"I thought you said I was a pain in the ass, too serious - somethin' like that."
"All traits befitting a good mother," he rationalized. He smiled and her heart fluttered. But only a little bit because he's too sly and Tsukuyo didn't want him to be a smart-ass right now.
She rolled off him. "Don't be silly," she says as she goes into the bathroom for a quick shower. He follows her quickly afterwards.
-x-
"Why do you want children, anyway?" she asked him on a cold winter day, where they're supervising a snowball fight that takes place between the Shinsengumi vs. Mimawarigumi. "Isn't two enough?" - referring to Shinpachi and Kagura, whom have grown up and taken their respective places in adulthood.
"You could say that," he said easily, scooping up the snow and molding it with his mittens. "But I wouldn't mind raising more."
He threw the offending object into the fray of battle, cheering when it struck Hijikata in the chest.
"It's like re-doing your history, I bet." Gintoki looked at her thoughtfully. "Making amends for my own life, for what I didn't get to experience."
Tsukuyo mulled over the meaning of his words. "That's a somewhat selfish reason to have a family," she concludes softly. He smiled at her.
"Since when have I never been selfish?" he asked lightly.
A huge lump builds in her throat; Sakata Gintoki is the most selfless, generous man she's ever known. Suddenly Tsukuyo feels very small, as if the decision to have a child seems trivial.
Deep down, she's scared like anybody else. It's the responsibility; not the sort that she has in spades when it comes to paying the bills on time and making sure both of them get properly fed everyday, but the kind that comes from a fear of personal failure. She had never thought about being able to make a family before she had met Gintoki. In fact she had seen children as something to be had by other people, not her. Never her, the one responsible for saving other prostitutes and the downtrodden.
The next day she takes out her pipe and studies the implications of a habit. She's sacrificing independence when she's entered this contractual union of marriage. It's a choice; all of it is a choice and she can choose to decline and there is the quiet reassurance that he won't leave her just because she said no.
Gintoki would adopt more kids again, because that's the man he is. There'll be no grudge towards her, and yet she finds this scenario oddly unappealing.
One day when having dinner, she understands. The softness of Hinowa's eyes reach Seita, and Tsukuyo finally understands why the courtesan gave up her legs and freedom and even years of life to sacrifice the chance to have a child. Seita is precocious, smart, and has the potential to be more than what Hinowa has accomplished on her own.
On a sunny day she decides to tell him in the middle of Ketsuno Ana's weather forecast (which is more background noise at this point).
"I couldn't stay at home all the time," she begins, and then looks down on the ground.
He grins. "You wouldn't have to," he replied. "I'm the sort of person who likes staying at home."
"I'm going to quit smoking too," she said, in an even smaller voice.
His smile is gentle, nothing like the ones given to anybody else but her. Though he says it often, mostly to embarrass her in public, nothing really prepares her when he says "I love you," like it's the simplest, most honest thing he's ever said in his entire life.
-x-
"Twins," she said flatly.
"Hm?"
"The doctor said I'm having twins."
"Oh good, then maybe we can name them Dia and Block just like we planned - "
"Hell no! My kids deserve better than that."
"Our kids," he corrected. "Fine, you can give them a lousy legal name but I'll be setting nicknames. Like Rock Lee, or Ichigo - "
She kicked him in the balls.
"God... damn... " He keeled over in total submission. "Woman, they're not going to have a father if you keep on torturing Gin-san like this..."
-x-
Morning sickness was torturous, and so were the changes that she could see in her body day after day. Her eyes become haggard, and there were days where he keeps an eye on her so she doesn't sneak off to work.
"You're on maternity leave," he reminded her as if she doesn't know.
"There's a serial killer on the loose," she retorted. She kept sharpening her kunai, even though it was pointless.
"Why don't you worry about the two human beings growing inside you instead of your subordinates for once?"
"Then why don't you bring home the money," she said.
It was an insensitive thing to say. As quickly as it had come out she started to regret how it sounded. She was about to apologize before Gintoki said, "Fine," in a quiet voice.
He got up to leave the house, and she knew he'd been hurt. But he wasn't the one carrying two people.
She walked into the backyard once he had closed the door. Sighing to herself, she figured that she had been house-ridden too often. At least she was in the sun, soaking up Vitamin D or whatever it was the doctors recommended her to do for the twins.
Tsukuyo crouched down, looking at the new addition to the garden.
She had liked cherry blossoms so he had talked to the proprietress of the junk shop if there'd been any small trees of that nature. But then he came back with an odd looking Amanto plant that grew bell-shaped leaves.
"She said the owner left it here because they received it as a gift to an Amanto ambassador. But I guess he didn't want it anymore," Gintoki had explained.
It was a frumpy plant, small and stubby. Back then she chuckled, thinking that was Gintoki for you. He couldn't help himself from caring for something once he'd set eyes on it no matter how battered and ugly it was. And anyways, it had done well in Earth's climate, growing a steady inch every month.
Later she looked up the tree in a botanical encyclopedia and had found out that the plant's fruit would be worth nearly thousands of dollars if they continued to keep it in good condition. She hadn't told him because he would have gotten a swollen head. But after that she never minded him doing odd things then and there.
It'd been decades since she had an extended break. She never had time to develop hobbies or anything that made her interesting as a person outside of work. The only good thing she really excelled in was fighting, and even that was becoming dubious as life grew inside her day after day.
There was a knock on the door. Wondering if Gintoki had come back so soon, she slipped a kunai under her sleeve and went to the front entrance. Standard precautions; nothing really to fuss over.
A handsome stranger with a pipe in his mouth was waiting patiently at the door.
"Hello?" she asked. "How can I help you?"
"I was wondering if Sakata Gintoki was here," he enquired politely.
"He's not," she said, smiling courteously, thinking that he was a client of Gintoki's. "Would you like me to take a message?"
The other man cocked his head, as if he was considering it. "No, I don't think so." The tobacco fumes were causing her to crave a hit from her own pipe.
"Oh. Uh, well, I suppose you could come back in an hour or so..." The man seemed a little familiar to her for some reason.
"I wouldn't care to," the stranger said, chuckling. Tsukuyo was starting to get a little nervous. For one thing, he held a sword in broad daylight without a police uniform. The other was his bandages around his head. Normal civilians usually didn't wear such an ostentatious yukata either, she noted. Her fingers gripped her kunai a bit tighter, realizing that at the very least, he was unafraid of the repercussions of the Shogun's sword ban.
"Well then," she said as calmly as she could, "I'll be going in now. Goodbye, stranger."
Her senses were on high alert. There was something off about him, something that made her want him to go away. She made to close the door but before she could do so, he said, "Wait a minute - "
"Are you his woman?"
"So what if I am?" she said defiantly.
"I'm just a little surprised, that's all. I followed an address from one of his old friends," he said, smiling. "I thought I'd like to chat with him. Nothing dangerous or anything like that."
"What exactly did you want with him?" she asked, eyebrows raised.
"Not much, really," the stranger said. "What was your name?"
"Sukiyo," she said, without missing a beat. She was one of the love interests in Gintaman.
"Welll then, Sukiyo-san, I wish you the best. My name is Shinsuke."
-x-
Gintoki had come back to dinner a bit more subdued, but nevertheless, he had laid a pack of bills in the middle of the table.
"I can at least support both of us for a while," he said, smiling momentarily for her sake. She knew he was tired. From the looks of it, he had probably done some hard labor, maybe roofing tiles or something in construction.
Whatever the reason, she was grateful and almost cried once he apologized for being so ungrateful.
And then he asked about her day.
"A strange man came to visit," she said. "A ronin, to be exact."
"Oh?"
"Gintoki, I think he knew you. His name was Shinsuke."
He swore and dropped his chopsticks on the ground.
"How the hell did that bastard find where I lived?" he mumbled.
"I didn't think he was hostile," Tsukuyo said slowly. "I don't think he'll come back anytime soon."
He looked at her, a little suspicious. "You attacked him?"
"No. He... seemed a bit whimsical, and left after he asked for my name."
"Whimsical isn't the first word I'd use to describe a wanted terrorist," Gintoki said. "He didn't kill you. At least there's that."
"That's funny, considerin' Katsura-san is both of those things," Tsukuyo said, dabbing her mouth with a napkin. "I never knew how handsome your friends were."
It was a little incredible how nonchalant she could be about those types of things. The next day he packed a suitcase so she could stay at Hinowa's shop for a few weeks.
"The last thing I need is you burning in your own house," he said. "At least there are people here to protect you."
"And where will you go?" she asked.
"I'll be having a chat with him."
"So you're leavin' me?"
"I'll come ba - " He stopped once he saw the look on her face. "It's not like that," he said, almost sick with worry.
She was unexpectedly vulnerable in moments like these that solidified his hate for himself. But here they were. A husband making his wife cry, he thought with despair. How despicable.
"You'll leave me a widow," she said, her voice quavering. "What do you plan to do, Gintoki? Storm into his fortress and demand him to never come back?"
"He's a man of strategy and well-designed plans, and nothing more," he said gently. "I'm stronger than he is. Haven't you seen me live through things that have killed normal human beings?"
He wiped away her tears. "I'm no longer in a position to leave things unanswered. I have to take care of you."
"But - "
"Don't worry," he said. As he boarded his motorcycle, the engine leapt with a roar and she watched him until he was nothing more than a speck in the Edo horizon.
-x-
Finding Katsura hadn't been easy, especially when she was three months pregnant, but it hadn't been particularly difficult either. There'd been a ramen shop that had rumors of a few Jouishishi patriots that would mill around. It'd been Gintoki's favorite place to go if he was in the mood for ramen and they had visited the business on more than one occasion.
"Ah, Tsukuyo-san! How are things faring with that no-good slacker?"
"It's going well, thank you," she said. She made her way to a barstool, slipping Ikumatsu a piece of paper. "I think I'll have a miso ramen today," she said.
Ikumatsu nodded, turning away from her. "I'll get back to you in a bit," she said, and left off momentarily. When she came back, she slipped the note back to Tsukuyo.
He'll be coming around 5 p.m. If you want to talk to him, approach him naturally.
"Here's your ramen," she said, placing a bowl of steaming noodles in front of Tsukuyo. "I made it extra large."
"Ah, thank you."
And so she had left and came back at the appointed time. When she entered the shop for the second time that day, it was almost closing time. There was a large bird sitting next to the Jouishishi leader. Both had a bowl of soba in front of them.
His head turned when she came in, but visibly relaxed when he saw her.
"It's been a while, Tsukuyo-dono."
"Likewise," she said. "I wanted to talk to ya."
"Oh? And what would the silver moon want with me?"
She told him the story, observing his expression growing stonier and stonier.
"How likely would it be for that sort of person to cut down my husband's head?" she queried, once she had finished telling her account of meeting Takasugi Shinsuke.
"On a scale of one to ten, I'd give it a five," Katsura said. "Gintoki is stronger than him, but you have to realize that Shinsuke's sold both of our heads to the Harusame in exchange for their cooperation with the Kiheitai. He wouldn't fight Gintoki alone. But, for some reason, he's left the two of us by ourselves until now."
"... I see. Thank you, Katsura-san."
She left the shop, feeling sicker than ever. Her heart beat faster and though she had never been particularly religious, she had started to pray.
Please don't let him get hurt, she thought.
And then, a smaller, more spiteful thought came to mind: If only I wasn't pregnant!
That was before she collapsed on the street. A part of her struggled to get up, but another part was welcome for the darkness that embraced her with its black comfort.
-x-
"Stress from not sleeping. That's all it is. She's been feeding herself properly, so it's not really a matter of nutrition... "
She blearily opened her eyes to see the bright lights up on the ceiling.
"... ah, is that so? Then I leave her in your care."
That voice. Wasn't it familiar?
"Gintoki, you really have to be more responsible than that... the poor woman came to me and asked how likely you were to be killed."
"I don't want to hear that from an idiot like you. You probably frightened her to death."
"I did not," the other person objected.
Tsukuyo bolted upright, gasping when the pain in her shoulder came up in spikes.
"Is that you?" she managed to say before realizing her throat was parched.
"Yeah," Gintoki said. "It's me."
"Take better care of your wife," Katsura chastised, glaring at his friend. His gaze softened as Gintoki silently pressed a glass of cool water to her lips. "In the end, they might be all you have left..."
He closed the sliding door, leaving the two some privacy.
"Where... am I?"
"Zura's hideout. He couldn't take you to the hospital, but you seem well enough. I can't trust you to not worry about me, huh?"
"Never," she said, and he laughed awkwardly at that.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I met him in the middle of a crowded street in Kyoto," he said simply. "I only requested for him to leave you alone, and I agreed that if he made any future plans, I wouldn't interfere. That was all."
A part of her didn't quite believe him. She could see the lumpy bandages underneath his yukata, and he would probably brush those questions off with a flimsy excuse like falling down the stairs.
But was it truly her place to press the issue? All that mattered was that he was back home in Edo, safe and sound.
"Did you fall on your stomach?" he asked her.
She shook her head. "No, on the side, but still..." He sighed morosely. "We'll have to take you to the doctor again."
"I'm sorry."
"You should be," he said, but there was that small lilt to his smile, as if he was sharing a private joke with her. "I even bought an express ticket on the train instead of regular."
"Oh, the horror," she replied sarcastically. "How long was I sleeping?"
His smile faded. "Fifteen hours."
"Mm. When did you get back?"
"Maybe three hours ago. I don't remember."
She handed the empty glass back to him and he filled it three-quarters of the way.
"You remember years ago, that you asked me not to push myself?"
Tsukuyo nodded.
"I'm sorry for not listening."
Here she really had to laugh. "Gintoki, that was a long time ago. I didn't mean anything to you back then."
"Not true, never true. You were beautiful then. Still beautiful now."
-x-
Delivery was a painful process. She had never experienced torture on the level of childbirth and cursed Gintoki with every fibre of her being as she made her way through each contraction.
The first child came after four hours. The doctor had given her an epidural shortly afterwards, helpfully reducing the pain and then the second child came twenty minutes later. An uneventful birth, the doctor reported with more zeal than was strictly necessary. Her husband held her hand to prevent her from murdering the doctor.
"Your wife has a lot of energy for someone who's finished delivering twins," the nurse commented.
"She's a delivery girl from hell," he said. "Of course she does."
"Go screw yourself," Tsukuyo replied. Groaning, she rubbed her eyes. "Where are my babies?"
The nurse tucked them into her arms, and in that second she immediately fell in love with the two of them. Both of the newborns had stopped crying but she knew that the youngest would be a perfect little girl, with the faintest crinkle of silvery hair on top of her perfect head. Next to the girl was a newborn boy whom had inherited Gintoki's dead fish eyes, though he seemed just as exhausted as she was. Chuckling to herself, she amused herself with the possibility of a protective older brother.
"Did we ever decide on a name?" she said absentmindedly as she poked her finger into the girl's tiny hand. They were so small. It was hard to believe that all human beings had started life this way.
"I liked Dia and Block," Gintoki said.
"I'm not namin' my children after Lego toys."
"Fine. You liked Hikari for the girl, and for the boy I wanted to name him Yoshida."
After making him swear he wouldn't fudge anything on their official birth certificates, Tsukuyo went to sleep. And it was the sleep of pure contentment, as if she had received the most precious gifts that she could possibly ask for.
-x-
Surprisingly, the old Yorozuya members came often to visit and to adore the children. Even the Shinsengumi were prone to visiting, as they were invariably connected to Gintoki. Kagura had brought over Okita and said, "Hikari-chan gonna be my protege, uh-huh! Watch me tell her how to pummel boys to a bloody pulp."
"Oiiii, who said cops were allowed in this house?" Gintoki complained, holding a sleeping Yoshida in his arms. "Kagura, this place isn't for you to parade your gentlemen escorts around."
"Danna, rest assured that I'm not here because I want to be," Okita said, picking up a blank-faced Hikari. "Heh, she's inherited your dead fish-eyes."
"Not you too!" Gintoki said exasperatedly. "I've managed to bring up two beautiful children who by the grace of Kami inherited straight hair, and the least you two could do is say oh, they already look like their deadbeat father - "
"But they really do," Kagura said, pouting a little. "At least Yoshi-kun's got that really pretty blond hair from his mommy."
Already each child were forming distinct personalities. Identical twins they might have been, but it was already apparent that Yoshida was more talkative and alert, while Hikari seemed to inherit the rigid parameters of her mother's temperament. She was mostly quiet and kept to herself, responding only to her mother when she came back in the evening from work.
"Hey, Hikari, I've got something to show you." Okita pulled out a grenade detonator. The toddler looked up, curious. "Yeah, that's right... press that red button, destroy Hijikata - "
"OIIIII, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SOICHIRO-KUUUUUUN - "
-x-
She had tucked the children into bed and now the two of them were watching reruns of Ladies 4 under the kotatsu. She peeled an orange for Gintoki with her kunai, skillfully rolling the fruit so that it came off in one long, curly ribbon.
"So, you're saying our lovely one-and-a-half-year-old daughter managed to blow up a block of the Shinsengumi headquarters?" Tsukuyo asked.
Gintoki sighed. "Stop making me sound like a failure of a father."
"I wasn't. Actually, I was a little impressed. If all that's true then it means she's goin' places."
She peeled another orange, sliding the tender fruit towards him. In the soft glow of their television set, the gleam of her ring caught his eye that moment.
Ignoring the fruit for the time being, he held her hand, slipping his fingers through hers.
"Gintoki... ?"
"I wasn't wrong, you know."
"About what?"
"You."
"What did ya expect?"
"A woman who kept pushing me to be a better person."
She smiled, tucking her head under the crook of his shoulder.
He was an incorrigible fool, but he was also a good man who kept his promises. He could be foolish and wise, lazy and productive, but none of that had mattered from the start.
It wasn't a perfect life. But it was hers and his, combined into one. And that was all that mattered.
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the end
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