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Having ghost claws digging into your chest and then surviving the ordeal makes you put your life into perspective. Jordan honestly thought that was it. His life was coming to an abrupt end and there were so many things he regretted.
He hasn’t said I love you to his mom in way too long, too focused on trying to be tough. He hasn’t ever told his dad no, too concerned with gaining the man’s approval . He wasted so much time in football practice when he just hates the sport. He never took up guitar lessons, despite having a passion for music. He never listened to the little voice in his head, telling him he doesn’t have any interest in girls, too scared his dad would call him a fag.
He never accepted a kiss from Ethan. That, he regrets above all else. He likes Ethan. Thinks he loves him in all honesty. And they’ve fooled around a few times but he never accepted a kiss because kissing means relationship and Jordan can’t do shit like that.
Or that’s what he thought because he’s just a boy, terrified of his overbearing and intimidating dad. But now he’s dying and he regrets never having allowed himself to live his life for himself.
Once the house is free of ghosts and the Winchester brothers tell them it’s safe, Steve, bless the guy, makes Felix call an ambulance. The wait seems to take forever and Jordan is pretty sure he’s freaking out as he sees more and more blood soaking the shirt his best friend is pressing on his chest. And, God, it hurts so much and he’s having trouble breathing.
“Am I going to be okay?” he whispers, panicked. “I’m not… I’m not dying, am I? There’s so much blood, man…”
Steve is so calm as he looks at his friend, his hands never faltering. “You’re going to be fine, I promise,” he says, his voice soothing.
“You sure?” Judith asks, her expression one of stress and her face seems to be grey.
Those words make Jordan want to scream and he feels his breath hitching as tears roll down his cheeks. Oh God, this can’t be it. He can’t just die. What impression will he leave behind? Everyone will remember Jordan Brown as someone that was a jackass. Someone that was ungrateful and that was just mean and someone that wasn’t… wasn’t… wasn’t real because he never says what he truly thinks!
Steve glares at Judith before turning back to Jordan. “You have to breathe, Jordan. You’re fine. There’s a lot of blood in a human body and you don’t need it all, alright?”
But Jordan isn’t listening. He’s too scared to and he needs to say some things before he’s not able to anymore. “Steve. Steve!”
“Yeah?” his best friend says calmly.
His friend’s soft attitude does soothe Jordan a bit and he knows that at least he is going to remember Jordan positively. “You know you’re my best friend, right?” he asks with a trembling voice. “I love you, man. You’re like my brother. You just… you’ve always been awesome with me, even when I was being a little shit. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for, you know?”
“Oh, God, is he dying?” Judith asks, looking like she’s seconds away from finally cracking.
Steve sowls at the girl and turns to face Felix. “You mind taking her away from here?”
Felix nods gravelly and quickly pulls Judith with him to the back door and out of the house.
Steve sighs. “You’re not dying, Jordan. I swear. We’re just waiting for the ambulance and then they’re going to take you to a hospital and they’ll patch you up.”
“I don’t know,” Jordan says. He’s having trouble seeing right now and his hearing is funky. He swallows with difficulty, feeling like he’s about to hurl. His body is really heavy too. “I really don’t feel that great. But, just… If I die, I just want you to know how I feel about our friendship. I… God, this sucks.”
Steve nods but he still doesn’t look too concerned. “It really does. But, hey, how about we make a deal?”
This does spark Jordan’s curiosity. “About what?”
“If you die, well, you die,” Steve starts before smirking. “But if you survive, you have to call Ethan. Deal?”
Jordan doesn’t even have to think about it. “Deal,” he agrees. That’s about damn right. If he survives, he’s calling Ethan and telling him that he wants to do this. He’s also going to change his life around because what the fuck kind of life is it if he’s living for his dad who’s a dumbass anyway?
He wants to be more than that. He doesn’t want to be petty and jealous of everyone around him. He doesn’t want to hurt less by making everyone around him hurt more. He wants to be the kind of person that’s proud of himself because of his accomplishment and because he likes his personality.
Jordan must babble all of this out loud from the expression on Steve’s face, but he isn’t too sure because not long after, he blacks out.
***
It takes a long time before Jordan is able to wake up. In fact, it’s like he’s about to submerge into the land of the living only to fall back asleep. It goes on for quite some time until, finally, he opens his eyes.
The light seems harsh and he has to blink a few times, groaning lowly.
“Jordan? Sweetie?” a familiar voice calls out.
Jordan squints to his right and sees the worried face of his mother. “Mom?” he asks, his voice cracking painfully.
His mother quickly leans back and grabs a goblet of water. “Here, drink some water, you’ll feel better.”
Jordan tries to sit up but his mom stops him with a gentle hand to his shoulder. That’s when Jodan sees that he’s in a hospital bed and that he’s plugged to a few machines. Oh. Yeah. The ghost. “I survived?” he asks, a bit disbelievingly.
His mom makes a hurt noise but doesn’t say anything, simply helps Jordan lift his head up so that he can take a few sips of water. The liquid isn’t cold but it tastes so freaking great in that moment that he’s disappointed when there’s no more.
His mother puts the goblet away on the table beside her and then she runs her hand through her son’s hair, her hand so gentle it brings tears to Jordan’s eyes.
“Mom?” he asks.
“Yes, my darling?” his mother says in a quiet voice.
Jordan takes a trembling breath. “You know I love you, right?”
His mom seems surprised and he can’t blame her. He has been avoiding any sign of affection from her for years now. Then, she smiles at him. “I love you too, Jordan. As much as the whole universe.”
Jordan huffs a laugh, remembering those words from when he was younger, and he ignores the pain that causes him, his breath still oddly short.
***
The doctor comes eventually in the day to inform Jordan about the injuries he sustained. Broken sternum. Deeps lacerations around the sternum. As if someone was trying to rip the bone out of Jordan.
He’s not going to lie, this gives him shivers down his spine. It shouldn’t be possible, the doctor tells him since it takes a great impact to break the sternum, but… yeah. Ghosts apparently are strong enough to make some serious damage.
The recovery is going to be long, about ten weeks in total, but Jordan will be able to leave the hospital soon if he follows the directions the doctor gives him.
“You have to rest,” the doctor stresses. “For at least ten weeks. Nothing strenuous and no football. At all.”
Jordan snorts because he knows he won’t play that sport ever again and he’s quite happy with that. “That’s perfectly fine with me.”
The doctor gives a few more tips and warnings before finally leaving the room. Jordan sighs carefully, noting the constant pain in his chest spiking for a short second. Then, he looks around the room. He has been awake in the hospital for a few hours now and he still hasn’t seen his father.
“Is dad here?” he asks his mom.
His mother hesitates for a brief moment, clearly unhappy with the question, before answering truthfully. “No. He was here last night, but he had to go back to work this morning.”
Jordan huffs, annoyed. “Figures,” he mutters. He’s slightly angry, because… shouldn’t his dad be here with him? Then again, he’s still alive. Is it okay for the man to be at work when his son is in the hospital in that case?
“Your dad wanted to be there, sweetheart,” his mom assures him, though he isn’t too sure she’s being truthful or not. “He just… you know how his job is important.”
More important than Jordan, yes. And Jordan is expected to study in law and join his dad at his firm. But Jordan isn’t going to do that and he isn’t going to make himself miserable thinking over his complicated relationship with his dad either. Hating someone is just a waste of energy, Jordan now knows. He has love to give now, as much as he can. He started with Steve, then his mom and now… the most important person.
“Mom? Where’s my phone?” he asks.
His mom is again surprised, expecting Jordan to complain about his dad not being here. “Oh, um,” she says as she goes to look in the backpack sitting just beside her chair. She rifles through it and finds the device. “Here.”
Jordan stretches his arm and, good lord, it hurts so much and he feels so stiff. He doesn’t let the pain show however so as to not alert his mom. “Thanks,” he says, his fingers closing over the phone. He hesitates for a second, but he feels that he should have privacy for this. “Do you mind giving me a few minutes alone? I’ll send you a message once I’m done.”
His mother frowns, worried. “Are you sure? I don’t know if leaving you alone is a good idea…”
“Please,” he begs. “This is… this is really important. I really need to say something to… to someone really important to me.”
His mom hesitates but she must see something in her son’s face because she stands up. “Alright. Message me when you’re done.”
“I will,” he assures her.
Jordan waits until his mom has truly left his room before opening his phone and typing a phone number he has memorised by heart. The call doesn’t come through though. Jordan swears and takes the phone away from his ear only to see that Ethan has to be in class right now. But it’s close to recess.
Like a madman, Jordan calls Ethan again and again, hoping time could go faster and that the guy would just answer his phone. On the eleventh time Jordan dials, there’s finally a click indicating that Ethan has finally picked up.
“Jordan? What the hell? You know I’m in school right now, right?” comes the hushed voice of Ethan.
Goddamn. Jordan realises that Ethan is trying to be careful so that no one will notice who he’s talking to and that… that just hurts him. “I… Uh, yeah… Yeah, I know.”
Jordan can almost feel Ethan’s confusion in the following silence. “Are you alright? What’s going on?”
“Well, I… Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m at the hospital right now?” he asks though, clearly, the guy doesn’t know. “I’ve, uh… I’ve had surgery last night.”
“Holy shit,” Ethan breathes out and then promptly panics. “What happened? You were alright a few days ago! Did you have an accident or something?”
“I was, um, being a dumbass,” he admits, because, shit, he has to own up. “I was being a dumbass and I kind of had an accident, yeah. I, uh, broke my sternum and I also needed stitches. I’m fine now! It hurts like hell, but I’m going to make a full recovery.”
Ethan sighs, clearly relieved, and Jordan can’t believe he almost let this opportunity go. “Is there anything you need? I could… well, if you don’t mind, I could always come over to bring you whatever you need…”
The proposition is so weak, like Ethan expects Jordan to turn him down, that Jordan feels like a jackass. “Well, yeah, I need to… tell you something. And, like, I guess it would be best if you came here so that I can tell you face to face, but I really need to get this out of my system right now.”
“Okay,” Ethan says and it’s easy to hear that he’s preparing himself for a blow.
Hopefully, this will come as a happy surprise. Jordan takes a deep breath and then starts coughing uncontrollably for a few seconds. “Ow… shit…”
“You alright?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jordan says, a hand right over his chest, but not daring to touch. “Okay. Listen. I’ve been… a jerk to you. And I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have used you like that and then force you to hide our… our relationship.”
Jordan pauses there so that he can have an idea of how Ethan is reacting. A part of him wishes he had waited for Ethan to come visit him, but he… he needs to get this off of his chest.
“Are you dumping me?” Ethan eventually asks, his voice so controlled.
“No!” Jordan denies quickly. “Not at all! I just wanted to apologize for being mean to you! Because you… you’re so… You didn’t deserve the treatment I gave you. You’re so amazing, Ethan. So smart, you’re funny and you’re so insightful.”
Oh God. His throat is suddenly tight and he’s trembling and he knows that Ethan can hear it. “I just… I thought I was going to die, Ethan. I really thought that was it,” he says, emotion thick in his voice. “And I was there, waiting for the ambulance and I realised… I realised that I was a fucking big jerk. To a lot of people, but especially you and… And how the hell did I think this was a good idea? How could I be so awful to you when you’re the most important person in my life?”
Jordan takes some time so that he can simply breathe and stop crying, damn it! He clears his throat. “So… Yeah. I’m calling to tell you that I… I really love you and I want to go out with you. Properly. No more hiding. I know I don’t really deserve a second chance, but if you do give me one… I swear I’ll make it up to you for the rest of our lives.”
Having said all he had to say, Jordan shuts his mouth. Ethan doesn’t speak and the silence is killing Jordan, but he knows that he has to wait for Ethan to gather his thoughts. When a minute has passed, he finally hears a ragged breath.
“I’m not dreaming, am I?” Ethan asks.
Jordan laughs softly, cradling his phone closer to his ear. “No, you’re not.”
A few seconds pass. “Goddamn, Jordan… You should write some love songs.”
“Is that… ?” Jordan finally asks, needing to know.
“Of course, I’ll go out with you!” Ethan snarks loudly. Jordan can hear the beautiful smile Ethan is sporting. “It was about damn time! I’ve been waiting a long time for you to wake up, dumbass.”
“Yeah, sorry for the wait,” Jordan says, smiling so big, his cheeks hurt.
“And you hurt me a lot, so there’ll be a lot of making up to do,” Ethan warns him.
“What can I do to make it better?” Jordan asks very seriously.
“Well, you can start by dumping Judith and asking me to prom,” Ethan says a bit flippantly.
“Ethan Salvana, will you please go to prom with me?” Jordan asks without missing a beat. “And I’m not with Judith anymore.”
Ethan laughs, sounding completely giddy with joy. “Oh, alright, I’ll go to prom with you. Now, as for other favours… Well, you can not agree with me, but I really think you should stop playing football. You hate it.”
“I know,” Jordan assures Ethan. “I’ll quit.”
“And take up music lessons!!” Ethan stresses. “I know you’re dying to play a music instrument.”
Jordan feels so lighthearted in that moment. How Ethan was able to deduct all that, he’ll never understand, but he’s so grateful. “You know me so well.”
“Of course,” Ethan aggrees softly. “I always knew you had a good heart, Jordan. I could always see it when we were alone together, safe from the rest of the world. I just… I hoped you would eventually understand that you can stay true to yourself even when in public.”
“Yeah… I’m starting to understand that. I might be a work still in progress, but you’ll tell me if I’m being a dumbass, right?”
“Oh, I’ll be there.”
Jordan laughs and then coughs while still chuckling. “O-oh, G-God. S-Sorry!” He tries to calm down before asking his next question. “Are you… Are you going to be able to visit me at the hospital?”
“Of course, I’m coming right over after school is over. Just text me the address and the number to your room and I’ll be there. Is there anything you want me to bring?”
Jordan feels relieved that Ethan will be there in maybe two hours. “I think I’m fine, I’ll send you a message if I find I want you to bring something. But, uh, I guess I do want one thing.”
“What is it?”
Jordan takes his courage and blurts out. “I would really like it if you’d give me a kiss when… when you come over. Or, you know. Maybe more than just one kiss.”
Ethan doesn’t say anything before bursting into laughter and Jordan, well, he just basks in the feeling of being the happiest man alive.