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Steve thought he'd read the signs so clearly. Jonathan had asked him to a late night movie, offered to pick him up, and grabbed his arm when the killer jumped out from behind the doorway. Steve thought he had gotten it all right.
Fuck, he'd thought it was a date.
Jonathan parked outside of Steve's house, his hands sliding off the steering wheel and landing on his lap. He sighed and Steve could feel the "now what" hang in the air.
"This was nice, Steve." Jonathan said. "We don't typically hang out. It was good to just be out for a night."
"Yeah. I had a great time, Byers." Steve unbuckled his seat belt and turned in his seat. "Thanks for the popcorn."
"Only because you bought my ticket." Jonathan shrugged, laughing. "Fair's fair."
"No. Really. Thank you. This was... This was really nice." Steve could feel his words dropping off, his hands tightening around his sleeve cuffs. God, why did Jonathan somehow look better in dim, shadowed light? It made his eyes brighter and his wonky smile far more endearing. Steve didn’t know it was possible.
"Anytime, Steve." He reached over and squeezed Steve's arm, just below his shoulder. Shoulder. Steve should've known.
"Hey, Jonathan... Can I ask you something?" Steve muttered, placing his hand on top of Jonathan's.
"Yeah, absolutely. Need me to recap the plot of our movie again?" He teased. Steve wasn't sure if he had laughed. The nerves were eating him alive.
Steve didn't have a question. Not really. Well, technically, he was introducing a new concept to their conversation but he didn't want to say it-- not really. But he still wanted to ask. Suggest it, in his own direct way.
With a quick inhale, rapid blinking, and a muddled prayer, Steve leaned in and kissed Jonathan.
In a matter of seconds, Jonathan had a question of his own for Steve.
"W-What are you doing?" He backed away slowly, sounding almost pitiful of Steve. "I think you read this all wrong, Steve... I'm so sorry."
"N-No! No... No, it's my fault. It's... No, don't-- I'll see you at school, Jonathan. I've gotta-- okay. See ya." Steve fumbled for the car door, yanking it open and nearly tumbling into the grass.
"Steve! Wait!"
"No! It's fine. I just, I'm tired! It's a school night we should. Yeah. I should go!"
Jonathan watched Steve run all the way up to his door, but didn’t get the privilege of watching any of the self-criticizing sobbing that occurred in the late hours of the evening.
God, Steve had never felt so stupid in his life. Thinking Jonathan Byers was into him? Thinking Jonathan Byers was even gay, first off, big mistake. Steve had been making mistakes since the morning bell that day and drug his sorry ass all the way to midnight with a streak of horrible missteps.
Worst of all: outing himself in a parked car-- his first parked car with a boy-- and immediately being told he'd read it all. wrong.
That's all he was, huh? All wrong.
At school the next day, the mistake followed him. Just like Jonathan did.
"Hey! There you are, I've been trying to find you! I wanted to talk." Jonathan caught Steve by his locker, grabbing his shirt sleeve.
"And I don't really want to talk." Steve hissed, trying to turn away. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
"It wasn’t a big deal, Steve. Really.” Jonathan said loudly, trying to pull him back in without outing his business to the hallway. He looked at Steve earnestly, allowing Steve to cut off the conversation there if he truly wanted.
The thing was, Steve did want to talk about it, but he didn’t want to be known to be talking about it. Admitting he needed someone to just acknowledge that he was attracted to other men-- and not threaten him with a switchblade-- was like admitting everything within him had been accepted as well. But he hadn’t. Steve was still nursing the fresh wound-- both figuratively and literally-- of coming out to himself. Needing to be heard felt unbelievably selfish to Steve-- especially if it was to the man he’d kissed without fucking asking.
But really, Steve wanted to talk about it. He needed to just say he was absolutely not straight and that he was sorry.
“I really thought...” Steve bit his lip and stepped up to Jonathan again. They leaned against the lockers, trying to look inconspicuous. “I thought you were coming on to me... I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s fine.” Jonathan was too cool with it, Steve thought. Like, the last time someone was this cool with it was because they were trying not to throw their temper-- and the dining table-- through the roof. “It wasn’t a bad, uh,” he paused as other students passed them, giggling to themselves. “not a bad first, honestly.”
“... first kiss?” Steve cocked an eyebrow.
“with a guy, Steve.” Jonathan shoved his arm teasingly. “I’ve kissed girls before.”
“Had me fooled.” Steve felt comfortable enough to snap back playfully. Jonathan was still smiling, and that was a weakness Steve always leaned into.
“Well, I wasn’t exactly prepared.” Jonathan said, blinking with faux surprise. “Let me know, next time you’re going to ‘ask me a question’.”
Steve ducked his head and covered his eyes with his hands. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. I was a complete dork. God, I’m embarrassed. Kill me.”
“Hey, don’t sweat it. I thought it was endearing.”
“Don’t say that.” Steve sighed, letting his hands drop. “That sounds like hope.”
“Sorry.” Jonathan said solemnly. “I really am not like that, Steve. I’d tell you if I was.”
Steve didn’t want to argue with Jonathan, to point out that his friend had created an other by accident. He hadn’t said that was “like Steve” or even “gay”. He said “like that”. Like that. Some unnameable sin. He was comforted and only half mortified. The other half came when Tommy came gallivanting down the hallway, his friend Lewis in tow. Steve rarely spoke to Lewis but had seen him in his neighborhood. He apparently lived on the other side of the street, but Steve didn’t care to fact check.
“Oh fuck this guy.” Jonathan groaned, resting his head against the locker with a thud. He’d been spotted which meant he couldn’t walk away without the fear of being chased down and pulled back for more belittling.
“I’ve got it.” Steve said, clapping him on the arm. It was instinct. He still felt guilty. Jonathan had said no. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t all wrong.
“Well well well, if it isn’t Hawkins’ biggest lovebirds.” Tommy laughed, clapping his hands together.
Steve turned his head and looked around at the thinning crowd before staring at Tommy. “What are you on about?”
“Catching a little alone time before lunch, huh, Harrington? Byers being a sweet little lady for you?”
"Quit talking shit and spit out what the fuck you mean.” Steve snapped harshly, righting himself on his feet. All the doubt he’d had rising in his throat suddenly sank down to his stomach.
“Lewis here saw you two last night.” Tommy thumbed over to his friend. “Saw you feeling up Byers in the dark. Trying to get a little action wherever you can, huh?”
“Leaving Nancy turn you into a Nancy, Harrington?” Lewis jeered.
“Shut you fucking mouths. You don’t know what you saw.” Steve tried not to act disgusted. He wouldn’t give those idiots the satisfaction.
“I know what I saw, Harrington. Two shadows never get that close unless--”
“It wasn’t Steve.” Jonathan said suddenly, turning to lay flat against the lockers and face both groups. “I kissed him. It was me.”
“Jonathan,” Steve hissed quietly.
“I took him to a movie and... and I thought it had been a date. It was a misunderstanding. It wasn’t Steve.” Jonathan told the lie in its entirety, not disparaging any part of its kind intentions. Jonathan really didn’t mind.
“How could you mistake Harrington for a fairy?”
“Are you blind, Byers?”
“Probably.” Jonathan shrugged, sighing. He wasn’t insulted, absorbing every sharp edge of their words before they hit Steve. “Side effect of being gay, I guess.”
“You better watch out, Harrington. Don’t let Byers touch you-- you might catch it--”
“He’d only be so lucky.” Jonathan quipped, lifting his eyebrows. “Move along, dickheads.”
“Hey, I didn’t ask for your demands, freak.” Tommy shouldered Jonathan, slamming him against the lockers.
“Hey! Hey! Let’s not...” Steve stopped, his hand resting on Jonathan’s chest. His heartbeat was so loud but so slow. It was speaking to him, but without any fear driving the call. Steve would never know it for real though, he knew. He’d never feel it against his hand, warm and pounding, jitters shaking them both to their bones. “Let’s not get suspended before lunch. Again, Tommy. Come on. You’ve only got attendance working for you on your college applications.”
“Keep your fucking hands off of me, Byers.” Tommy spat, shoving Steve into Jonathan. “Good luck with the poof, Harrington.”
Lewis, for good measure, shoved Steve again. His head nearly missed clocking Jonathan’s and breaking both of their noses. But neither were quite bothered; they’d been that close before, thanks to Steve’s idiocy. Lewis and Tommy stalked away and left Steve to stumble back, gawking at Jonathan.
“Why did you do that?”
“I don’t care if they think I’m gay.” Jonathan shrugged. “That rumor won’t reach anyone important.”
“Yeah, but--”
“Your dad knows everyone here.” Jonathan said shortly. “I’m not letting your life get ruined like that.”
"I-- Jonathan, you didn’t have to do that--” Jonathan would be opening himself up to treatment that he wouldn’t even understand. Steve wasn’t sure if it was helpful or ungodly stupid.
“My mom is never going to hear that lie. Only person who could ever is Will, but he’s gay so he’s not going to care.” Jonathan pushed himself up to his feet and brushed himself off. “It’s okay, Steve. I’d rather you be safe.”
“Thank you, Jonathan. S-So much.” Steve stood awkwardly, his arms lifting and falling back to his sides. “C-Could I hug you?”
“I would love that.” Jonathan laughed, pulling Steve in.
He braced the back of Steve’s head with his hand and squeezed his shoulder tightly. It was a full embrace. Steve couldn’t feel Jonathan’s heartbeat anymore, but he could feel the lift of his smile against his cheek. And honestly, that was better. It was a dream Steve never thought to have. He had a best friend-- like a real one-- and knew Steve was somewhere in the middle of every confusing post-pubescent feeling available. Steve had a best friend that would risk everything for him-- because Steve had risked it all over one stupid, heart-aching impulse.
“I love you.” Steve blurted, tightening his arms around Jonathan’s waist.
“Back ‘atcha, Steve.” Jonathan clapped Steve on the back before pulling away gently. Steve was mortified, but Jonathan seemed to hold nothing against Steve-- just his jacket lapels in his hands.
“W-Wait. Your brother’s gay? Little Will?” Steve sputtered, running a hand through his hair.
“Yeah.” Jonathan nodded nonchalantly. “He wrote me a note the other day. Told me the whole nine.”
“So your mom really wouldn’t care.” Steve hoped he didn’t sound jealous. It really was just disbelief.
“No. Not at all.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m pretty sure she’d be confused why we were telling her-- ‘it’s none of my business, Jonathan. Just be happy and safe’”
“She’s said that?”
"She found my freshman project on biblical allusions in literature and thought I was becoming a devout Christian, but I figure it applies just the same.” He started walking down the hallway, knowing Steve would follow. He laughed again and Steve couldn’t help but chase the sound. “But I know it isn’t the same for you. I couldn’t ask you to fess up to those idiots like that.”
“I could’ve just lied.”
“You could not.” Jonathan shot Steve a look, smirking. “You’re a terrible liar, Steve. Like. The worse.”
"I’ve been acting straight this whole time.” Steve said, shoving Jonathan and sending him wobbling back toward the lockers.
“Okay okay! Maybe you can lie a little. But, not then. That would have to be boldface denial. And that’s harder, Steve. It’s better if I just took the heat off of you. I mean, tell people whatever you want, but at your own pace, alright?”
“You’re a really great friend, Jonathan.” Steve confessed. It felt intimate to admit between two men, but it was a platonic statement. Steve had never felt this close to anyone, in any respect. He hoped Jonathan understood he really did love him, in all ways. Even ways Jonathan couldn’t. And that was okay too.
“You aren’t half bad either.” Jonathan wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders, bumping his side jokingly. “Not a half bad kisser either.”