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He couldn't understand what she was doing here. Didn't understand what she was doing here. Couldn't comprehend how she got here. He looked her over, from top to bottom, noticing her white hair, her beautiful mouth, her sparkling eyes, and he couldn't believe it. How was she here? Kathryn, his Kathryn, was dead. And yet - she stood before him now, and all he could think about was how he wanted to kiss her.
Kiss her or rebuke her. How could she have let him spend all these years thinking she was dead? All these years driven by grief and guilt and here she was, standing there like she's just been gone on a standard away mission. If she was alive did that mean they all were? Maybe he really was losing it this time? She couldn't be here. He had to be hallucinating her. But if that was the case, he doubted his subconscious would have the wherewithal to add years to the way she looked the last time he saw her.
"Damn it, Kathryn!" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He needed to know why she was here - if she was even real.
"Excuse me?" She raised her eyebrows at him, lips pressed in a thin line.
"What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead." He was fighting now, fighting the urge to sweep her into his arms and kiss her, and every moment he spent looking at her made it harder.
"Nice to see you too, Chakotay," she shook her head like she just couldn't believe it, and he noticed suddenly her rank insignia: admiral.
What the hell was going on? Had this all been some elaborate ruse? Had Starfleet played him? Had Kathryn?
The worst thing was that he found he didn't care. She was here... alive. Some part of Chakotay that had died with her during that failed slipstream attempt sprang to life once more.
"Kathryn..." He couldn't even bear to ask her anything anymore - he just need to feel her, to know she was real. He saw her face soften as he said her name. It was almost as if no one had called her by her name in a long time. As if his feet had a will of their own, he was walking toward her.
"Chak-ot-ay," her voice was quiet, low, as she drew out his name like she had so many years before.
She held his stare as if afraid to break eye contact.
He walked closer to her, reaching out for her. He just needed to feel her hand, or any part of her to know she was real. He searched her face, for what, he didn't know, but then, he saw her eyes flick to his lips and he knew he had to kiss her, hallucination or not.
He saw the expression of shock on her face as he closed the distance between them, putting both of his hands on either side of her face and pressing his lips to hers. He half expected his hands to slide through plain air but instead he felt her warm and real against him.
He heard a gasp escape her lips. He had pulled her against him, kissing her harder than he had intended. He was knew it was because he was trying to pour all his emotions into the kiss. He hadn't kissed her in years - not since the night before the slipstream drive disaster, and that kiss and everything that followed, haunted him, plagued him, consumed him.
He had not expected her to reach up and grab his hair, pulling him closer and opening her mouth to him. But she did, and as their tongues touched he groaned.
Suddenly he didn't care how she'd got here out what had happened, only that she was. He wrapped his arms firmly around her, needing her closer, she wound her arms around his neck like she was trying to attach herself to him permanently.
He couldn't believe she was in his arms - and he didn't ever want to let her go. Their lips broke apart and he watched her eyes raking across his face. She leaned up, lips meeting his again, and he wound his hands in her hair. It felt exactly how he remembered it.
Kathryn's hands moved up under his shirt, frantically mapping his torso with her fingers, as she devoured his mouth with her own. He backed them up against the bulkhead, pressing his hips into hers as he reached for the top of her uniform.
"Oh Chakotay..." she murmured between kisses, and he was certain that he'd never heard anything quite so sexy. He knew they should move - someone might walk in he thought vaguely. They should talk. There were things that needed to be said. But it was too late, and right then he didn’t care, not when her hands ran over his chest and her lips were on his neck.
"Kathryn..." he groaned, tugging at her uniform jacket to pull it off.
"I need you, Chakotay," She whispered into his ear and he knew he couldn’t resist her. He pulled off her uniform jacket and moved his hands under her shirt.
That turtleneck had to go. All of it had to go. Kathryn reached for the top of his pants, impatiently yanking them open as she sucked on his lower lip.
They pulled at each other's clothes until they were pressed against one another their skin touching, her breasts pushed against his chest. His hand slipped into her pants and he heard a moan escape her lips.
This wasn't how he'd imagined finally being with Kathryn, but he couldn't stop, couldn't hold back. Apparently neither could she.
He pushed her hard against the bulkhead, his hand passing over her panties, rubbing her through them.
He could feel her dampness through them as she thrust her hips into him.
His lips trailed down to her breasts. He had always wanted to kiss them and now he couldn't wait.
Her head rolled back in pleasure as he kissed the underside of them and between. He took one of the nipples between his lips and a feral moan escaped her lips.
He had always imagined the sounds she would make if he were able to do this to her, and the reality of it was much better than he could imagine.
The same could be said for how good it felt as she wrapped her hand around his cock possessively and he couldn't help moaning in response.
She moved her rand over him and he thrust into it, but he wanted to be inside her, the time for slow love-making could come later.
Fortunately, she seemed to be of the same mind, using her free hand to take off her panties and then pulling him closer.
She then pulled at his pants, clearly wanting to free him from them.
He groaned and steadied himself against the bulkhead as she bent to pull them off, her lips rubbing down his thighs with hard hungry kisses.
The sight of her kneeling naked in front of him alone nearly undid him.
His breath caught in his chest as Kathryn started to lick up over his balls.
He groaned as her tongue moved over his cock.
It was too much and he found himself dropping down to her level kneeling on the floor and pulling her against him, his knees nudged hers to the side so that he could be pressed more completely against her. No. He couldn't wait, could enjoy the buildup. He had to have her now.
Kathryn lifted up a little as she got into a wider straddle, rubbing against his cock in the process, and his brain nearly short circuited. He grabbed hold of her ass as helped guide her down onto him and they both cried out loudly.
He had wanted this for longer than he could remember - he loved her so much, and having her in his arms, it was incredible.
She gripped his shoulders and he ravaged her neck and shoulders with his mouth, unable to say anything that would convey just how much. He didn't care if he left marks behind, not now, not as she squeezed around him, rolling her hips, and started to ride him with such urgency.
His hands moved, one gripping her hip and the other running over her breasts. Her white hair cascaded in front of her face and he thought she'd never looked more beautiful.
He'd thought he'd never see her again and now here she was suddenly, here she was taking and giving everything he'd wanted for so long. If this was his inevitable descent into madness he didn't want to be rescued from it.
Especially not when she bent forward, and kissed him. If she was a hallucination, if this was a trick, he was beyond caring. He thrust up into her and she groaned.
He marveled at the way they fit together, at the ease with which they found a shared rhythm.
Her hips ground down onto his and his hands reached upward, one threading through her hair and the other pinching her nipple.
She moaned into his mouth squeezing more tightly around him.
He wanted to make her come, so he could hear his name escape from her lips in ecstasy.
He wanted to feel her around him, wanted to know that it was because of him. He'd longed for this for so long.
He could feel her begin to shake slightly, and he knew that meant she was close.
He moved his other hand to her breasts as well, rubbing both of her nipples at the same time and she cried out.
"Spirits Kathryn" he murmured against her as he felt her tighten even more around him.
She choked out his name, gasping for air as she thrust harder a few more times, each time shaking harder. He moved his hands to grip her ass, pulling her hard against him as possible, pressing into her completely and she whimpered and convulsed so hard around him he could barely stand it, legs flailing uncontrollably.
His thrusts became erratic and he cried out - her name on his lips.
She clutched onto him fiercely, squeezing tightly around him with complete deliberateness, drawing his release from him and not letting up until his body shuddered, drained completely. Only then did he feel her relax around him and wrap her arms tenderly around his neck, burying her face against his skin.
He stroked her back gently, kissing her neck tenderly.
She hadn't evaporated into thin air. She was really here in his arms somehow. He moved his lips up and in to kiss her, foreheads pressed together, "I love you" he murmured, realizing that they'd managed to skip that part in their haste and hoping that she wasn't about to suddenly shy away.
She looked a bit shocked when he spoke and he grew concerned.
"Kathryn?" he pulled back a little cupping her face in his hands, "Talk to me."
"You're supposed to be dead." The words were whispered, and she looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes.
A thousand possibilities ran through Chakotay's head about government cover ups and different time streams. At the moment though, none of that was important.
"I'm not, Kathryn. I promise. I'm right here." He peppered her face with little kisses, holding her close.
"I can't believe you're real." She told him.
"I know exactly what you mean." He murmured, running his hands through her hair.
"What is going on here? Why are we together?" she asked him, searching for answers
"I'm finding it hard to care," he confessed,"Kathryn, I've missed you so much."
"Oh Chakotay- you can't imagine how much I've missed you," she ran her hand along his cheek, "But it doesn't change the fact that this is one hell of a strange occurrence."
"That it is. So are you thinking conspiracy theory or alternate time lines?" As much as he just wanted to stay here holding her, he knew they did need to figure out what was going on.
"Well that depends, what year is it and how long have I been dead for." She said it teasingly but the question still felt heavy, "How do you think I died?"
"Are you sure you want me to tell you? I'm not even sure I can." He shook his head, running his hand over his face, suddenly overwhelmed with the memory of seeing Kathryn dead on Voyager's bridge.
"It's important, I think." she sighed, running her fingers through his hair, "Unless you'd rather I tell you."
He wasn't sure what was worse, watching the pain that crossed Kathryn's face when she mentioned his death, or thinking about how hard it would be to relive her death.
He couldn't bring himself to cause her more pain than he had to, even if that meant bearing the brunt of it himself, "It was the slipstream drive..." he said quietly, trying not to go back to that day, "Harry and I went ahead in the Delta Flyer, but we'd miscalculated..."
He could barely get the words out, as the lump formed at the back of his throat.
She reached for him, her hand cupping his face.
"All these years, and you still..." he could see her calculating how long it must have been.
"Always." he kissed her softly.
Her hands lingered on his face, thumb stroking his cheek.
"It's an alternate timeline." She said at last, "we never attempted that slipstream flight... Seven" he couldn't help but notice something off in Kathryn's voice as she said the former drone's name, "Seven got a message warning us."
He had so many questions but he wasn't sure if he wanted to ask any of them.
"You married her." Kathryn's voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke to him.
"I what?" Chakotay couldn't make sense of what Kathryn was saying. He must have been hearing her wrong.
"You married her. You loved her. And you died - of a broken heart." She said so quietly, her eyes welling up with tears.
"I don't believe it. I couldn't. The only person who could ever break my heart like that is you."
He pulled her closer to him, pressing desperate kisses over her face and neck.
"But you did. And it was my fault. I pushed you so far away from me."
" Never." He couldn't believe it, "I refuse to believe I ever stopped loving you. Ever. No matter what kind of stupid ass decisions you saw me make."
"But you did, Chakotay." She shook her head, the pain obvious on her face.
"I didn't. I couldn't. I don't care what happened or didn't happen between us." He cupped her face in both hands, "if I died of a broken heart it was because I was an idiot and the regret that I had because of that, because I gave up any hope for us, that's what killed me."
She looked at him like she didn't believe a word he said. "I don't believe Chakotay, you can't tell me, that after all the pain I put you through, that you love me."
"I do, Kathryn. Let me tell you about my timeline. All these years ago I lost you but I couldn't give you up, not when Starfleet demanded it, not when it made me a fugitive. I've spent every day trying to find a way to get back to you Kathryn, and it didn't matter if everyone thought I was crazy, it didn't matter how smart and lovely a young woman was willing to warm my bed. I love you, Kathryn. I love you now and I loved you then. I will always love you."
He watched her face, and saw tears well up in her eyes. "Oh Chakotay, I should have told you how much I love you. How much I've always loved you."
He'd waited so long to hear her say those words. Those perfect words he'd long since lost all hope of. He reached out, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"What matters is that we're here now." He told her, "I love you so much. Being here with you at last..."
She cut him off with a kiss, crushing her mouth to his.
He'd spent more than 20 years searching for her and he had her and he was never letting her go.
He did not anticipate what she said next.
"We have to go back." There's that tone to her voice that he knows all too well, that tone that means there's no reasoning with her.
"No." He said, despite knowing reasoning with her really would be futile. "I won't let you go. Not when I've just found you again."
"You say that but you know I'm right, Chakotay, or at least you will. We need to get back those decades, need to fix things so it past selves don't waste them... Don't lose each other. And the crew..."
"I know you're right Kathryn, it just doesn't make it easier."
"I know, Chakotay." She brushed her hand against his cheek, "I wish we could stay like this forever."
He claimed her mouth with his, arms behind her as he lowered her down to the ground and covered her body with his.
"Just a little while longer Kathryn. Please?"
"I suppose the time travel can wait... A little while longer." She murmured , kissing him back passionately. He started to slowly kiss his way downwards, determined to love her completely as if both of them had the patience for before.
She moaned as he began kissing her hips.
He ran his hands all over her legs as he paused to suck at a particularly tempting spot.
She groaned again, and he sucked on her upper thighs.
The mixture of their releases had run down her inner thighs and he followed the trails back up with his tongue, enjoying the catch in her breath.
His mouth moved inward, and he felt her hips buck in anticipation.
He couldn't resist anymore. He'd imagined doing this do many times and at long last his tongue made contact, drawing a low moan from Kathryn's throat.
He felt her legs shake almost immediately from the contact.
He stroked her trembling thighs as he slowly moved his tongue over her clit, drawing another moan from her.
Her hips instinctively rose off the ground a bit as he licked her slowly
He made a mental note of her reactions, wanting to please her more than she'd ever thought she could be pleased. Kathryn, his Kathryn. She moaned his name as he swirled his tongue in a circular motion and then again lower as he repeated the motion.
He moved his hand from her thigh, and used his finger to tease her opening as he licked her.
She squirmed against him with a shudder and he knew he was on the right track.
He flicked the tip of his tongue along her clit, before going back to long, sensuous licks.
"Chakotay..." She moaned, threading her hands into his hair.
The sound of his name escaping her lips encouraged him to continue with his long broad strokes against her clit.
She squirmed against him, breathing strained, and he was certain she was getting close.
Especially when her hand gripped and pulled at his hair.
She started to say his name a few times without finishing, like she couldn't hold focus long enough to get it out, before letting out a drawn out moan as she started to shake more violently. He wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked firmly and she made a high pitched noise and he felt her tense under him.
He continued, wanting to make her come hard with his mouth like he had always fantasized about.
She cried out loudly, and he could feel her muscles tighten under him as she contacted in release, suddenly shuddering.
Her whole body seemed to shake from the intensity of her orgasm and he was beyond pleased that he could give her that much pleasure.
He felt her move to get up, but he wasn't done with her yet. No. He needed to find out exactly how much he could give to her. The way they had finally come together might have been rushed, but Chakotay wanted to experience Kathryn's enjoyment for longer than this.
So he pushed her gently back to the ground, running his hands along her body, and between her legs.
She groaned, accepting his attentions, giving herself to him willingly and trusting him with her acquiescence.
He went between her thighs again, kissing and licking his way inside, back toward her clit.
Kathryn. His Kathryn. Here at last with him. She shuddered with the lightest touch so he went slowly, slow firm movements with his tongue flat against her.
He wanted to give her all the pleasure he could, worship her body and show her how much he loved and adored her.
All these years he'd sworn that if he could go back and see her one last time he would let her know how he felt, not just the gentle implication of everyday but unequivocal complete soul baring honesty. He wouldn't make the mistake of saying goodnight and letting things go unsaid again.
He moved his tongue a little more firmly against her, still deliberate and slow and relished the groan that escaped her lips.
He ran his hand along her thighs, which he felt quiver with pleasure as he licked her.
He was so caught up in the feeling and the sound of her, that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps.
"Oh!" He heard behind him, the voice startling him and Kathryn.
He instinctively moved to cover Kathryn's body with his own, as though he could protect her from exposure, eyes frantically searching for anything he could use to cover one or both of them which was in arms reach.
He barely managed to grab his jacket when he saw her. The woman he's been with since he was able to almost recover from Kathryn's death.
He glanced between them, seeing Kathryn understandably flush with embarrassment. He handed the jacket to Kathryn, his urge to protect her more powerful than his need to desire to hide from Tessa's gaze. To say she looked shocked was a bit of an understatement. He felt like asshole.
"Tessa..." he wasn't sure what to say, "Ummm... this is-"
"Kathryn Janeway." Her voice was a mixture of certain and incredulous, "Though I can't even begin to imagine how..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." The words came from Kathryn, and Chakotay hadn't expected to hear them.
"I did." Tessa takes a deep breath, "I just didn't think I'd be around to see it."
The two women looked at one another for a moment and he felt like he should say something but he had no idea what. Probably an apology. Probably multiple apologies. What is he sorry for, though? He doesn't feel sorry.
"He's been obsessed with you, finding you for ages. He's even cried out your name when we're in bed together." Tessa's voice is quiet, and she sounds so dejected.
Chakotay felt like the world's biggest asshole. Tessa was smart and beautiful and kind and part of him had always known she deserved more than he could give her, but he realized now it has been worse than he'd known.
"Oh, Tessa. You never said-"
"This is awkward. I should go."
"Wait." Kathryn said, stopping Tessa in her tracks. "It's just as much my fault as Chakotay, don't blame him."
"I don't blame anyone." Tessa sighed, "I just need to go."
"But how did she get here?" Tessa shook her head, wondering out loud.
"Look, Tessa... It is Tessa, right? It seems to me you deserve some explanations, so why don't we get dressed and discuss it over tea."
"Tea?" Chakotay couldn't help scoffing incredulously, "I guess your universe really is different."
"Okay," Tessa nodded, "I can't say I'm not curious. I'll give you two a minute to get decent while I go replicate some drinks."
It occurred to Chakotay how much, under different circumstances, Kathryn and Tessa would probably like one another. He felt bad for putting them in a situation that made that difficult.
"I'd chastise you for not warning me you had a girlfriend but I didn't really give you the chance did I?" Kathryn commented as she reached for her discarded pants and threw him his jacket.
He watched as her as she walked away. He couldn't really say he understood but he figured they all should discuss this, at least to figure out what the hell was going on, and if there was a temporal rift lurking nearby.
"Kathryn, I..."
"Clothes first," she insisted, then softened it with a smile, "I'm teasing you, really, but we should focus on the situation at hand."
"I'll follow your lead," he nodded, picking up his shift and pulling it over his head.
It was comforting to be able to say that to her again, to follow her once more. Suddenly Chakotay realized just how tired he'd been all this time, trying to push forward without her.
He had never quite been able to let go of her memory, or the memory of what it had been like to be her first officer, to work with her. Hearing her give him an order, like she had done so many times before (though the content was different) brought a smile to his lips.
"It looks like you are about ready," Kathryn commented, mid hooking her bra back into place, "Why don't you go on ahead. I imagine you and Tessa might have a few things to say without me hovering."
"I love you," he told her, crossing the distance between them to grab hold of her by the hips and kissing her, "Just seeing you alive, changed my whole world."
"I know what you mean," she smiled, caressing his cheek before stepping away, "Go make your peace with Tessa, heavens knows the poor girl deserves that much."
Her words rang true with him, and he knew her should speak to Tessa, but the sadness he saw on Kathryn's eyes tore right through him.
"Promise me you're right behind me," he urged her, "I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear going on without you again if you left."
"I'm not going to disappear the moment you turn your back," she shook her head and almost laughed, "I promise."
He couldn't help but fight the urge to beg somebody, anybody, that she didn't.
Each step he walked away from Kathryn felt like it was sucking the air out of his lungs, but he forced himself to keep walking through the door to find Tessa.
"I can see now, why you've been so hung up on her all these years," Tessa commented without preamble, "Her service record really doesn't do her reality justice."
"Tess, I'm an asshole. There's no need to sugarcoat it for me."
"Chakotay, I always knew that we were headed towards reuniting you with her not a future together. I'm not that much of a fool."
The combination of warmth and hard edge in her voice seemed a painfully clear reminder that even when he thought he'd moved past Kathryn he hadn't. Clearly, Tessa had appealed to him; because, the two women had some similarities.
"You signed on to help me save the crew, not matchmake..."
"I knew what it was getting into. The moment you first said her name I knew."
He was shocked, he hadn't expected her to know, he had tried to hide it from Tessa, but clearly he had failed.
"I don't know what to say," he confessed.
"I'd imagine that you apologize for underestimating her," Kathryn voice trailed in from the doorway.
"That would be a good start," Tessa concurred.
"Of course you two would agree." He sighed and smiled slightly to himself.
They both raised their eyebrows at him. Oh boy. He was definitely starting to notice a pattern.
"I am sorry," he repeated, "It's not that I underestimated you, Tessa. It is that I was lying to myself; because, otherwise I would have felt too incredibly shitty about what I was doing to you."
"You really need to work on that martyr complex of yours," Kathryn shook her head.
"Seriously? Coming from you, that's rich, Kathryn..."
"Yours seems to have grown exponentially over time." Kathryn smirked at him and his eyes lingered on her lips. He had missed that sly look she threw him.
"You have no idea," Tessa told Kathryn, "apparently you are the only one who can keep it in check."
"I guess it's a good thing I showed up then."
"How did that happen, anyway?"
Kathryn raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "I hate time travel and temporal anomalies. And this is clearly one."
"The question is how... and why," Chakotay mused.
"Sadly I think I have the answer to that one," Kathryn admitted, looking almost embarrassed. Being caught naked with his head between her thighs hadn't fazed her, but something about how she got here was embarrassing to her, "I miscalculated somehow... or the Romulans set me up."
"You miscalculated? That I find hard to believe." Tessa answered, smiling at the older woman.
"Where exactly were you trying to go Kathryn?"
"You'd be surprised," Kathryn told Tessa good naturedly, "back, Chakotay, I was trying to go back."
"Back to where, and when?" He looked at her, brow furrowed.
"Back in my own timeline, to stop a huge mistake from happening, and to save your life, and your wife's life. And so many other people."
"His wife's life?"" Tessa asked incredulously.
"Apparently I made some incomprehensibly dumb choices in her timeline as well," Chakotay replied, still unable to believe what Kathryn had told him about himself and Seven of Nine, "Kathryn, are you really saying you were trying to go back in time and change our lives? That would be-"
"A violation of the temporal prime directive. I know and I don't care. But somehow it appears I've gone sideways instead of backwards."
"Obviously, you're going to want to go back. I know you do Kathryn. But the problem is, I don't want to send you back."
" Chakotay..." Kathryn said in that fond reprimand he'd heard her use for his name do many times.
" Okay. I'm going to cut you both off right there. I don't think I have it in me to watch you tall be all star crossed about this. Clearly she has something she needs to do, but that doesn't mean you can't go with her."
They both turned to stare at Tessa in surprise.
"Seriously. Both of you are so good at problem solving in general but when it comes to each other you seem as hopeless as children."
"I can't just abandon this timeline..." He protested, although he wanted to be convinced otherwise, "I still have to find them."
"You can and you will." Tessa told him resolutely, "Harry and I can handle the situation without you."
He watched Kathryn trying to suppress her burgeoning smile. He wasn't sure what her timeline held for him, but he would be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to stay with her.
Including, perhaps, smacking his past self repeatedly to knock some sense into him.
"Tessa are you sure? This was never your fight..."
"I am sure. If I've learned anything about time travel, it's that if two people are meant to be together, somehow the universe always finds a way."
He smiled at her. This was more than she should be doing, but he was so grateful for the chance to fix things with Kathryn after having things with her be so broken for so many years.
"You are a remarkable woman, Tessa," Kathryn said, just the way she might have once to Kes or B'Elanna.
"So are you." She told Kathryn. "I'm sorry we had to meet like this, but I'm certainly not sorry I did meet you." Tessa moved toward Kathryn and hugged her, catching the older woman by surprise.
To her credit, Kathryn recovered quickly.
"Maybe in another timeline," she smiled, hugging Tessa back, "we will meet under different circumstances and get to know each other better. Thank you," she added, "for taking care of Chakotay."
"He's kind of a pain in the ass. I'm glad you’re taking him with you." Tessa teased, throwing a wink on Chakotay's direction.
"Hey now... I'm not sure I like the direction this conversation is going," he protested.
"Oh come on now Chakotay. You know you're supposed to be with Kathryn, and now I get to at least tease you about it." Tessa smiled at him.
"I deserve worse," he told her honestly.
"You're a good man, Chakotay." Tessa crossed to him and took one of his hands between both of hers. "A lesser one would have resented me for not being her, but you've always been good to me."
"I am still sorry that I hurt you Tessa. I never wanted to." He brought her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
"I know that. You tried to send me away for my own good, more than once." She glanced over his shoulder at Kathryn. "You can't really blame me, can you? Even your scraps were irresistible."
Then she leaned in and kissed his cheek.
"I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on. I'm going to go find Harry and give him the good news."
Chakotay walked over to Kathryn, gathering her in his arms, and kissing her forehead. "I am so deliriously happy to have found you."
"Found me..." She teased, "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who found you.
"I was searching, you made a calculation error." He teased before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I was headed your direction anyway, just a different version of you," she countered, tilting her face up towards his to be kissed.
He kissed her gently, but quickly the kiss escalated, tongues meeting.
"Spirits Kathryn... I can't believe you are really here," he murmured.
"I can't believe you're here either. I thought you were dead, remember?"
"I'm not dead, Kathryn. I'm right here," he primed, kissing her again.
"I wouldn't mind going to your quarters and seeing just how alive you are." She said with a wink.
"You don't have to ask me twice," he told her in all earnestness, letting go of her with one arm so that they could walk with her tucked under the other.
He wanted to run with her down the corridor, but they certainly were getting a bit old for that. Instead, he took his time, relishing in the feeling of being able to have her so close, to be so open and affectionate with her.
He'd imagined walking like this, being able to have his arm around her for reasons other than visits for so long. Then he'd thought it was too late, that he's missed his chance. Now here she is and suddenly nothing is impossible.
As they entered his quarters he heard her chuckle. "Nice decorating," she teased. He turned her to face him and silenced her with a crushing kiss.
She met him with equal force, pushing him backwards against his bed and then down onto it as she straddled him to press her body against his. He groaned and moved his hands to cup her ass through her uniform, responding to the circling movements of her hips with his own. Grinding against each other like this, fully clothed in these cramped and narrow quarters, was reminiscent of being back in his academy days.
He wondered what Kathryn was like in the academy, with her long hair and air of indignation. He wondered if they would have gotten together back then. Her lips on his interrupted his thoughts, and her hands moving over his body made him moan.
"Where did you go?" she murmured, "For a moment there you seemed distracted."
His hands gently ran over her sides, caressing her as he spoke. "I thought about if we had met at the academy, what you would have been like."
"I was a giant nerd back then. I doubt you would even have noticed me," she laughed, running her hands through his hair.
"Oh believe me, I would have noticed. You're a beautiful woman Kathryn, and, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a nerd myself."
"What were you like back then?" She asked, kissing his neck. "Angry warrior or more carefree womanizer?"
"Quite a combination of both. The ladies really seemed to go for the bad boy type." He smiled, and blushed, tugging on his ear.
"I'm sure they couldn't keep their hands off you," she laughed, reclaiming his lips with her own before sitting up to pull the top of her uniform off.
"I always did find the brainy red haired girls the most attractive." He told her, running his hands along her breasts.
"I'm afraid I hadn't gone red yet," she replied, tugging at his uniform to pull the top over his head, "At that age my hair was this horrid mousy color, trapped between blonde and brown."
"I'm sure you were beautiful. I love all your hair colors Kathryn. Especially the luminous shade of white it is now, because it's all mine."
"You... are a hopeless flatterer," she told him, but the smile on her face told him she was pleased, "I wasn't easy to get along with back then, you know. I was kind of a know it all."
"Oh really?" he asked, sitting up to press his torso against hers, "And you think that's something that has changed?"
She swatted him playfully. "And clearly, I can see you've always been a flirt."
He caught her hand between his, kissing it and then working his way up the inside of her arm, placing slow gentle kisses all the way up.
She sighed contentedly as his lips worked their way over toward her neck. He has always loved her neck.
"I love you, Kathryn," he murmured, "I have loved you all these years and if I had known you when we were young I would have loved you then."
"Hopeless romantic." She murmured as his lips found her pulse point. But she stopped him for a beat, looking into his eyes. " I love you so much Chakotay."
"I've imagined you saying that so many time, Kathryn," she told her, caressing her face, "I don't care if that makes me a romantic, hopeless or otherwise."
"Chakotay. You're not alone in that. I wanted to hear you say it, I dreamed of saying it back, more times than you know."
"I love you, Kathryn... always," he kissed her gently.
"I love the sound of that." She murmured, returning his kiss.
After the rushed frenzy of their first time together, Chakotay wanted to make sure that this time he made love to her properly.
"I hope you will also love the feel of it," he breathed, lips moving back to her neck.
"If you knew how many times I fantasizes about you kissing me, and more..." She told him, her voice breathy and low.
"Tell me what you fantasized about, Kathryn, and I will do my best to make it all a reality," he promised.
"I had many many fantasies about those wonderful lips of yours," she told him, eyes flicking to his lips and lingering.
He enjoyed the confirmation of what he'd always suspected, always hoped. It thrilled him for her not to look away when she realized he had noticed her staring.
"And just what were those lips of mine doing in your fantasies?" he murmured, trailing them from her neck and between her breasts.
"Usually they work their way all the way down my body..." she mumbled as his lips covered her breast.
"That..." he grinned, pulling her up further so that he can continue his path, "I can certainly make a reality."
He placed kisses along her stomach, moving to her hips, and all over her abdomen.
He had to flip them over, so that he could get her pants open and off in order to continue his descent. He felt rather than heard her chuckle as he flipped her, and couldn't resist placing a kiss on her back.
"There's still an awful lot of you left to explore..." he murmured.
"Explore away. We are explorers after all," she murmured as his lips moved along her upper back.
"We are, and you are the one phenomena I've always wanted to study up close."
"Oh Chakotay," she chuckled into the mattress "that is by far the cheesiest line I've ever heard you say."
"And if I were to compare your freckles to stars..." he grinned into her skin as he ran his tongue up her spine.
"Hopeless flattery," she murmured as his lips followed the path of his tongue.
"It's still the truth," he insisted, hands tracing the curve of her hips in towards her waist.
She arched up off the bed, seemingly wanting his hand between her legs. He slid his hand under her, cupping her whole pelvic region and she moaned his name like he had always imagined she would.
She pressed herself into the contact, shuddering as he continued his way up her spine with his mouth. His lips found her neck and he kissed and licked it, appreciating finally being able to kiss the spots he had dreamed about kissing.
She turned her head to the side, allowing him to lean over and capture her mouth with his own.
"I love you," she whispered between kisses.
"I love you," he whispered back, "I love you and I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing you say it or getting to say it back"
"It really is the most wonderful thing to hear," she told him, rolling him onto his back and straddling him.
"I love you, Kathryn," he told her again, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her closer.
He loved seeing her smile, especially when those smiles were directed toward him. There was something so wonderful about the way her lips turned up and how she radiated joy.
She learned in and kissed him again, and he could feel his happiness at finally being together reflected in her.
"You know what else I love?" she said, tracing his tattoo with her fingers. "Coffee. And I haven't had a cup in ages because drinking it reminded me too much of you."
"Of me?" he was surprised, "Why?"
"Because every time I drank it I thought of being on Voyager, with you. And how you used to bring me coffee, and chide me when I'd had too much..." Her voice trailed off, eyes filling with tears.
"Oh Kathryn..." he murmured, sitting up to wrap his arms around her comfortingly, as he'd so often longed to, "I still drink it sometimes to feel closer to you."
"You? Drink coffee? Now I know we have been without each other too long."
"Why is that?"
"Because I started drinking tea to feel closer to you." She buried her face in her hands, shy of her admission.
He gently pulled her hands away from her face, kissing them in turn.
"We can't have you drink anymore tea. It's not natural." He kissed her gently on the lips.
"Apparently all I had to do to get you off my back about my coffee habit was be dead for a while. If I'd know it was that easy..." she teased.
"Yes, but with you gone, I picked up your coffee habit," he teased back.
"I thought you tasted especially good," she grinned.
"Would you like to lick some coffee off of me Kathryn?" He half joked and was half serious.
She groaned, clearly moved by the image he had suggested.
"I think I'll replicate some." he told her, a wry smile crossing over his face
She is obviously torn, as she contemplates the promise of coffee versus the sacrifice of having to let him go for a moment.
"I'll be very quick, I promise." he slid her off him, moving to the replicator.
She caught up behind him though, pressing her body against the back of his and wrapping her arms around him.
"Coffee, black," he ordered, running his hands along her arms, holding her close.
She pressed her lips against his neck, snuggling closer to him.
He sighed leaning back against her. "I can't believe you're really here."
"Me either. I'm so deliriously happy about it."
He turned around and kissed her, enfolding her in his arms once more. The low breathy moan that escaped from her mouth shot right to his groin. The coffee sat forgotten as she pulled him back towards the bed.
She pushed him back onto the bed, straddling him.
"You know, I never did get to finish appreciating you with my mouth earlier," he murmured against her lips and she groaned.
"Please do." She murmured as he kisses her neck.
He pulls her up his body, moving to divest her of her pants before guiding her to straddle his face.
She moans his name in anticipation, even before his mouth can find her clit. And when he licks her, he feels her legs shake.
Oh how many nights he'd imagined doing this, longed to, hopelessly.
"Oh Chakotay" she moaned, his name rolling off her tongue in the sexiest way, in a way he really had only dreamed about.
He pressed his tongue against her more firmly, enjoying the way her breath caught.
He held her hips, continuing to press his tongue against her, and he could feel her labored breathing.
Kathryn, moaned his name again, shakily pressing her hands against the bulkhead behind his head.
He moved his lips to cover her clit, sucking gently at first and then harder, and his name spilled from her lips.
She shook more violently and he had to hold her tightly.
He kept alternating between sucking and licking, knowing that it would drive her wild.
His name was almost unrecognizable as she cried it out, shuddering against him.
Her entire body shook and he eased her lower, so that he could hold her for a moment.
"You have no idea how often I fantasized about doing that," he murmured, into her hair.
"Probably about as many times as I fantasized about you doing it to me."
" How does the reality measure up?" He couldn't help asking.
"Your mouth is only about a million times more wonderful than my hand ever was." He looked at her and was surprised that her cheeks flushed ever so slightly at the admission.
"Well you'll have to get used to it, because I plan on reminding you of that fact morning noon and night from here on out... I've got a lot of time to make up for."
He saw her breath hitch in her chest. "Oh Chakotay. I plan on showing you too. Every chance I get."
Her lips found his, kissing him passionately.v reluctantly she pulled back, face sombering.
"There is something I have to tell you though... About my mission."
"What Kathryn?" He felt a knot in his chest.
"It's a one way trip. My way home for Voyager... It requires a sacrifice."
"We can go together." He spoke without even thinking. "But we have to tell our younger selves not to wait so long."
"Are you sure? You don't even know what the plan is..."
"You can tell me the plan, but I'm still coming with you."
"Oh Chakotay..." She cupped his face in her, tears of emotion welling up in her eyes.
"I'm not leaving you again Kathryn, that's a promise. No matter what comes we will face it together."
Then she really did cry, eyes shining, as though overcome, finally, after all these years of strength and stoicism.
"It's been rotten, absolutely rotten, being without you."
"For me too, Kathryn." He engulfed her in an embrace, kissing her forehead.
"I said it before, and I've lived without you, but Chakotay, I can't imagine another day without you."
"You don't have to, Kathryn. I'll die with you but I'm never letting you go again."
He reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I'm never leaving you either Chakotay."
"I'm glad that's settled," he told her, kissing her cheeks and the bridge of her nose.
"You know something else? You look sexy with that grey hair." She told him, running her fingers along his cheek.
"The white is striking on you," he returned, running his fingers through it, "Of course I think you would probably be devastatingly beautiful with any color hair."
"I always wondered if you'd like my hair. I thought that after I cut it all those years ago, you always looked like you missed it."
"I love everything about you, Kathryn. The shorter hair was sexy on you, exposing your neck a different way, but it seemed hard at the same time, like a way of distancing yourself from being a woman."
"It was so much work to maintain. " she chuckled. "Waking up every day and doing that bun! Though..." her hands moved to his chest. "I have to admit, having long hair always reminded me of when you touched it: on New Earth, during our sail on Lake George..."
"When you cut it, I always felt that you wanted to forget those times... and what they could have meant."
"It certainly was a painful reminder each time I looked in the mirror. I would always think of your hands in my hair."
In response he did just that, running them through her snowy hair tenderly and kissing her.
"This makes me think of the time you ran your hand through my hair on Lake George. You kissed me then, too." she muttered, before his lips covered hers again.
"And you pulled away, reminded me of parameters and duty," he couldn't help recalling.
"I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was stay in that boat and kiss you." She smiled at him, "Well, more than kiss you."
It was nice to hear, even if he'd always hoped that was true.
"What kind of more are we talking about?" he grinned.
"When you kissed me, all I could think about was how much I wanted your lips all over body. I wish I hadn't stopped you."
"You'd better not stop me now then," he told her, flipping them over so that he could begin running his mouth all over her body.
"I never wanted you to stop, and if you do now I'll put you in the brig," she chuckled.
He started with her neck, predictable but irresistible.
He moved her hair from her neck and kissed his way all the way around it, stopping to suck on her pulse point and loving the feeling of her shuddering.
He loved her neck. He'd always loved it. He'd stared at it so many times, had spent so many long shifts wanting to kiss it. Now at last he could, and he couldn't resist kissing and sucking harder, leaving blotches of color behind.
Her reaction was everything he hoped it would be. Having time to explore and kiss her beautiful neck as she let out low, breathy moans was more than he ever dreamed.
He moved to her shoulders, taking his time to enjoy this. She ran her hand over his back and he felt her breathing increase in speed. His mouth drifted over her collarbone and she let out a low moan.
He moved his mouth around her collarbone, sucking and kissing the sensitive skin he found there, leaving red marks in his wake. He could not resist the siren call of possessiveness which had overtaken him. Mine it said. Mine.
And finally she was, and he was so overcome by the realization of it. He moved faster then, suddenly overcome by the desire to touch all of her at once.
His hands moved all over her torso, and his lips to the tops of her breasts. She arched in enjoyment, highlighting the shape of her body.
His hand wound around her waist, pulling her closer to him.
He moved his mouth down between her breasts and then back up.
He could see her skin flushing with arousal as he kissed her.
As he moved his mouth to follow the slope of her breast, watching her nipple react before he touched it, he thought to himself that he'd never been happier.
His tongue flicked over her hardened nipple, causing her to push her chest forward against him.
The next time he ran it over the nipple more slowly, taking his time and enjoying the noise that escaped her. After so many years fantasizing about her reactions, being able to see them was intoxicating.
He moved his hand over her body at the same time, trailing down her stomach, and he couldn't resist brushing his thumb lightly over her clit.
He felt how aroused she was and so he decided to slowly slide one finger inside her, causing her stomach muscles to tense and her to buck off the bed.
He ran his teeth over her nipple, before closing his lips around it and sucking.
"I dreamed about this," she told him as he sucked on her nipple, curling his finger inside her.
"Tell me..." he murmured, before going back to work at her nipple.
"When I was alone at night, I always used to fantasize about you moving your fingers inside me while that perfect mouth of yours moved over my body."
He slipped a second finger inside of her in encouragement, urging her to continue. Her breathing sped up as he did. "Tell me what you used to do Kathryn, when you thought about me."
She moved one hand to her clit and the other to the breast his mouth was not on. As he watched her touch himself he realized he was breathing almost as heavily.
"This" she groaned. Watching her was almost too much for him. He was certain he had never seen anything more erotic.
He couldn't help curling his fingers a little more forcefully sucking harder at her nipple as she pinched the other one and rubbed furiously at her swollen clit.
As he looked up at her and watched her face, he lightly bit down on her nipple, and began pumping his fingers in and out of her.
She moaned, arching her body and continuing with her hands. She was flushed and full of desire.
He wanted to pull his fingers and watch her make herself come. He had certainly thought about it many times.
But she clenched hard around them as he went to withdraw them and hissed, "don't!"
So he didn't and he kept moving his fingers inside her and she rubbed her clit furiously, and erratically, so close to coming.
She whole body rocked as she neared her peak, both of them fixated on her breathing. She moved her fingers hard against her clit, crying out his name as she came, her whole body shaking.
He moved back up her body, fingers slipping from her as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply.
"Talk about something a girl could get used to," she whispered between kisses.
"I love you being so free and open with me, Kathryn. It's everything I dream of."
"I always wanted to be," she told him, kissing him. He kissed her back, running his hands over her body.
"I love feeling your hands all over my body," she moaned
I love having them all over your body" he murmured, continuing to move them across her skin.
"They are almost as wonderful as your lips," she moaned as his hands ran over her ass.
"So my lips are your favorite part of me?" he grinned.
"Almost," she smirked, sinking down his body to finally work his pants open.
She wrapped her hand around his cock and he involuntarily thrust into her hand.
"Seems like maybe you like my hands too," she smiled crookedly.
"I always stared at them. Your hands were incredibly distracting," he said, voice hoarse as she moved her hand along his cock.
"And now?" she smirked.
"Beyond distracting," he groaned.
"Anything else distracting?" she asked, licking her lips.
"Your lips. They always looked so kissable."
She smiled mischievously, "Don't tell me that's the only way you imagined them."
"Most certainly not."
She rewarded him, moving her mouth down and running her tongue along the length of his erection.
His hips bucked involuntarily, the feeling of her mouth on him was overwhelming.
He gripped the sheets, trying to stay still as she teased the head of his cock with her tongue and then slowly sank her mouth down around it. The feeling of her mouth was better than he ever imagined.
He refused to close his eyes, wanted to see that it was her, his Kathryn at last, who was so emphatically showing him her desire to pleasure him. He reached up, brushing her hair from her face.
She swirled her tongue and his hands trembled with the rest of him.
He knew she'd be skilled, but he'd not anticipated just how wonderful it would feel, how good she'd be. He hadn't anticipated how natural every aspect of things between them would be, flowing effortlessly.
It was beyond wonderful. As she took him fully in her mouth his hips bucked off the bed and he moaned her name, legs trembling.
She kept going, mouth moving over his cock deftly.
He moaned her name, breath catching, and was certain she smiled against his cock. Knowing she was enjoying his reaction added to his pleasure.
She slowed her movements, running her tongue along the underside of his cock as she sucked on him.
He felt himself pulse against her mouth. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out with her doing this, and he so badly wants to be inside her.
"Kathryn..." He groaned, "Kathryn, I can't..."
She knew what he wanted, and withdrew her mouth, climbing on top of him.
He wrapped his arms around her, bringing his lips to hers.
She moved on top of him slowly, circling her hips.
He was glad. She could easily drive him to release, but he didn't want that, not yet. He wanted to enjoy this moment, the sensation of her around him. Clearly she wanted to enjoy it too, and that made him so happy and turned him on so much. He was utterly lost in her, reality blurring with his pleasure.
As she switched her circling motions to fully grind down on him he groaned out her name.
"She came to me for advice, you know. She came to me for advice and I had to listen, listen to her tell me all about how your relationship was progressing..." Kathryn told him suddenly, body tensing.
"What?" He stopped her hips, stilling her.
"Seven. She came to me for advice.... About everything," she choked.
"You mean me and Seven?"
He looked at her confused. Seven had never appealed to him and to hear that they had been together in Kathryn's timeline struck him as odd. He still couldn't fathom that he had any interest in Seven.
"Yes,"she confirmed with a pained expression.
"How could she? How could I?" He held her close.
"I drove you to it. I'm certain of that," she told him.
"I refuse to believe that, but I'm sorry, Kathryn. Whatever my motivations, I was wrong."
"I alienated you Chakotay. I hurt you."
"That's no excuse. I promised to always be by your side, to make your life easier."
"I couldn't expect you to live as a hermit Chakotay. You - you even told me you chose her because she reminded you of me in some ways."
"Well that certainly was true with Tessa," he had to concede, "But with Seven I must have known I was hurting you."
"I don't know if you did, or if you just hated me so much for all I put you through."
"I could never hate you, Kathryn, not even in our darkest days."
"When you and Seven were together it felt like you did. Like that was your way of getting back at me."
"I might have been upset with you. Maybe I started that nonsense to get a reaction with you and was angry when you refused to give it. I don't know what kind of crazy thoughts were going through that version of me's mind, but I know that I could never stop loving you, Kathryn, not even more a moment."
"It was so hard watching you with her, thinking I'd lost you forever."
" Oh, Kathryn," he held her close, "if only I could undo the harm I've done to you."
He knew he couldn't though. The scars were deep.
"I did this to us. We could have been so happy, and I ruined it."
"It sounds like I was just as much to blame. That can all change, though. We will go back and make sure it changes."
"I was a hard headed woman back then..." she smiled at him.
"I remember," he told her, "Believe me, I remember."
He brushed a stray piece of hair from her face before speaking again. "But Kathryn, that strong will of yours, even though it was so frustrating, it made me love you more."
"And now that I've relented..."
"Oh, I don't think for a second you've relented. Maybe about us being together, but I'm certain you're still hard headed."
"That's right... So don't you test me, mister."
"I wouldn't dream of it Admiral." His lips found hers again.
"You know, I find I quite like the sound of my rank when you say it, Chakotay," she murmured, shifting her hips.
"Is that so, Admiral?" he asked coyly, running his hands over her hips.
She leaned down and captured his lips with hers, kissing him deeply. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and she moaned. She readjusted for leverage, beginning to move her hips again. He moves his hands to her sides, running them along her body, loving her curves.
He knew there was nothing he could do to undo the damage he had done to Kathryn in the other timeline, far far worse than what he'd suffered, all he could do was love her now.
And he intended to. And then, he intended to go back with her and knock some sense into his younger self.
It was hard to think about that now though, as she ground down onto him.
His hand moved to her clit and ran over it, giving her extra stimulation, and felt her arms tremble slightly holding herself up.
He took her hands in his and held them close to his chest. Her fingers squeezed his as she let out a low moan. He lifted his hips upward, wanting to be deeper inside her.
She shifted her legs, getting her knees a little wider as though she could read his thoughts.
He released her hands and moved his to her thighs, gripping them as he moved inside her.
"I love you, Kathryn," he murmured, kissing her neck, "I love you. I love you. I love you."
"Oh Chakotay... I love you so much." She leaned forward and whispered in his ear.
He captured her lips with his, running his hands over her body as he arched against her.
She circled her hips against his, and he ran his hands over her breasts.
He loved her so much, and feeling her like this, having her here at last. He rubbed her breasts a little more intently, drawing a moan from her. He ran his palm in a circle over her nipple and she pushed her chest forward in response. He repeated the motion, enjoying her enthusiasm.
"Oh Chakotay, that feels so wonderful." She groans, her voice low and laced with arousal.
"I've only ever wanted to make you feel wonderful, Kathryn," he replied, continuing the attention.
"You always did Chakotay, even if I didn't always show you."
"Not enough," he murmured, leaning forward enough to capture one of her nipples with his mouth swirling his tongue over it as he continued to rub his palm against the other. She moved harder against him, moaning his name.
He let out a low moan against her breast as she circled her hips around his cock. A renewed urgency overtook her movements as she sped up, repeating his name.
He continued to move his mouth over her breasts, loving her reaction.
Her approaching orgasm was intense, as she continued taking him hard and deep throughout her clenching and shuddering and cries.
He held her as close to him as he could, wanting to feel all of her. He flipped them over, wanting to cover her with his body, needing to hold her as close as possible, and held onto her tightly, moving inside her.
She pushed her body up against his, burying her face against his shoulder.
He whispered her name as he moved inside her.
She tilted her hips, bringing him into just the right position.
He leaned down to kiss her.
Her fingers raked down his back.
He moved quicker now, wanting to drive her to release.
She groaned, grip tightening, and he could feel her clenching around him.
" Chakotay..." She moaned, gripping his cock tightly with her body and driving him towards his own completion.
He shook as his release spilled from him.
She pulsed around him, moaning at the sensation. He loved the feeling and the sound, loved knowing she enjoyed the sensation of him pouring into her. Both of them shook.
His hands ran along her legs, which were wrapped around his waist. He loved her so much.
"I love you," Kathryn echoed his thought with her words.
And he closed his eyes, relishing in the sound of hearing her say it.
"Chakotay?" Harry's voice called from the corridor, interrupting the serenity of the moment, "I have some new schematics we need to go over."
"Shit." he muttered against her shoulder. He didn't want to move, not yet.
"Just a moment, Mr. Kim," Kathryn called out, as if they were still back on Voyager and the two of them were entangled in reports not each other.
"Captain?!" Harry's confusion and shock were evident in his voice.
"At ease Mr. Kim, before you sprain something." She laughed. "And it's admiral now."
Harry didn't say anything it response. Chakotay supposed he was probably in shock.
Chakotay couldn't help but laugh as he looked at Kathryn's smug face.
"Think he's fainted?" she chuckled, reaching for her pants.
"Very likely," he agreed, running his hand over her back.
"I guess we'd better go check on him," she grinned, placing a kiss on his lips before sliding out of the bed, like this was something they'd done a hundred times, " What if he's hit his head?"
He pulled her back against him. "He will be alright." He didn't want her to go, he wanted her to stay with him, in his arms, Harry's potential head injury be damned.
"Chakotay, I'm not leaving you. I promise."
"I just can't bear to be without you, even for a second, Kathryn."
"Oh Chakotay..." he could hear the smile, "I'm so sorry about all these years you had to."
"I'm sure you had some time without me too." He couldn't help teasing slightly.
"Hey, I made admiral whereas you got kicked out of Starfleet," she protested, before softening her voice, " oh Chakotay, I can't even tell you how difficult it's been."
"We won't have to be apart again Kathryn. I promise."
"I know," she murmured, "I know, Chakotay. Never again."
"And once we set our counterparts straight, everything will be right with the timeline."
"Are you sure that's the real Janeway in there, big guy, not something you conjured up with your imagination?" Harry called out from the corridor, reminding them that he was there and could hear them.
Kathryn laughed, a loud, boisterous sound that Chakotay had heard many times when they spent time together, and that he had missed so much.
"Yes Harry, she's really here." He called through the door.
He didn't want to release her, but he knew he had to, and Harry did deserve to see her alive and one piece. He'd given up everything to stick with Chakotay on this mad quest to rescue her and the rest of the crew after all.
"Let me find some clothes," she whispered against Chakotay's lips. "And say hello to Harry."
"Okay..." he told her regretfully, "but it's under protest"
"I outrank you, remember?" she teased, placing a lingering kiss on his lips.
"Believe me," he shook his head, "I never have and never will forget."
"Good." She smiled, and he pulled her to him for another kiss.
"Still here," Harry called out, forcing them to separate and begin dressing.
He couldn't keep his hands to himself as she dressed though, running his hands over her back and shoulders as she reached for her bra.
"Mmmmm, Chakotay..." she murmured, "The more you distract me the longer it will be before we can come back here after taking to Harry."
"I can't help it Kathryn..." he murmured against her skin, before releasing her.
"You can," she laughed, "but I'll admit I enjoy that you don't want to. I don't exactly want to get up and leave either."
But she did.
"You have to get dressed too," she reminded him as he just sat there watching her.
"I'm going to stay here naked and wait for you," he teased.
"And let me out of your sight?" she teased back
He grinned as he fumbled for his pants, not wanting to look away from her.
"Good point," he conceded, a twinge I'd regret as she disappeared back into her uniform.
As she walked toward the door, he grabbed her by the arm gently, kissing her hard.
She stopped, and put her arms through his, leaning against him as she pressed the button to open the door.
"I love you," she whispered against his lips.
The door opened to reveal a rather stunned looking Harry Kim awaiting them.
"Captain?" Chakotay wanted to laugh at the confused face Harry was making. He knew it was unfair of him. As far as Harry knew she'd been lost and probably dead all these years, and Chakotay knew just how hard that had been on him.
Chakotay watched as Kathryn pulled Harry into an embrace. And he could hear her whisper "at ease" to Harry as he hugged her tightly.
"We thought..." Harry couldn't seem to get a full sentence out.
"It's alright Harry," she told him "it's all going to be alright."
Many times over the years Chakotay had thought to himself that he'd clung to Harry because he was the last scrap of the family he and Kathryn had shared he had left and seeing her comfort him that way drive home that thought.
As they broke apart, Chakotay watched them both smile a wide grin at one another, and Chakotay felt so happy being able to witness this wonderful moment.
"Coffee, captain?" Harry smiled
She laughed loudly at that, and reached her arm back, her hand clearly reaching for Chakotay. He look her hand in his, pulling her neck towards him.
Harry smiled at both of them, giving them a sly look, like he knew everything. Kathryn didn't seem to mind any more than he did.
"About damn time." Harry chuckled.
Kathryn raised her eyebrow at him and Harry quickly closed his mouth.
"So... About that coffee?"
"Let's go to the mess hall, and I can explain to Harry how I got here."
It took a little bit to get situated with beverages, Kathryn clutching her cup of coffee like it might run away if she didn't hold onto it.
Chakotay watched her as she sipped on it, smiling at her reaction.
"I hate to ask but... does she know-"
"About Tessa? Yes and the reverse."
"Oh wow..." Harry murmured more to himself than out loud.
"I'm going to need to ask you to complete the mission with her without me."
"What are you saying?"
"We have to go back," Kathryn saved him from having to answer, "I ended up here trying to go backwards in my timeline and fix things and Chakotay and I are going to need to complete that mission."
"That sounds like a lot of time traveling for someone who hates time travel." Harry teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"I've become a pragmatist in my old age," Kathryn chuckled.
"It's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor." Harry smiled again.
"Either way your mission needs to be successfully completed. My timeline depends on it."
"I'll certainly do my best."
"I know you can do it, Harry. I've lived the timeline where you do." Kathryn gave him a reassuring smile.
Chakotay felt confident in Harry's abilities. He was no longer the eager young ensign he'd first known. While he hoped that they could rewrite the past and keep him from getting so downtrodden, he would trust him with his life.
Maybe going back would change all that, everything would be okay. Yes. He looked over at Kathryn and he believed everything could really be okay. They would be together, everything could be fixed, it would all be alright.
As they talked details with Harry, his hand drifted over to cover hers, fingers interlacing as she squeezed neck reassuringly. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, gently and reassuringly, to let her know that this was the right thing for them. He wasn't sure just how far this newfound freedom between then ran, though.
But she pulled her hand toward her lips and kissed his knuckles. He couldn't stop smiling.
Harry looked away awkwardly, like he didn't know how to respond to their behavior. Chakotay had to laugh. He imagined Harry probably felt like he was watching his parents being affectionate. He supposed it was a good thing he wasn't telepathic
He also really wanted to draw Kathryn into his arms and kiss her. The desire to do so was unrelenting. He supposed he was out of practice. There was a time when he's managed to repress that desire down to a barely noticeable ache. But having her back after missing her in his life for so long, it seemed impossible to resist the urge. Especially now that they'd brown thigh that barrier and he knew.
He looked at her for a signal and she smiled at him.
"I'm going to go check on Tessa," Harry said awkwardly, looking away.
"Go on, Mr. Kim." Kathryn replied, before leaning over to place a lingering kiss on Chakotay's lips.
He felt like the rest of the world could burn and he wouldn't care as long as she was with him.
His tongue slipped into her mouth.
"Let's go back to bed," he murmured, thinking about all the ways he wanted to lick and touch her body but also how much he just wanted to lie naked in bed with her body curled against his.
"Absolutely. We can work on the mission in a few hours. I want to feel you again Chakotay."
"We have a lot of lost time to make up for," he agreed, "I need you in my arms."
"And I want nothing more than to be in your arms."
They made a mad dash for his quarters. He suspected she was just as concerned that if they didn't he was going to end up eating her out in the middle of the corridor, unable to hold back any longer.
As the doors closed behind them she pressed her lips to his eagerly. His hands moved immediately to start peeling her out of her uniform. She moaned against his lips and he thought he'd never ever get tired of hearing that. He couldn't wait to get her naked again, to have his hands all over her.
She helped him pull off her uniform. Kicking off her pants, she pressed her naked body against him, hands moving to away with his clothing as well. He grabbed her ass and then her breasts, running his hands over them possessively.
"I love you Kathryn," he whispered against her lips.
"I love you, Chakotay," she replied, gripping his shoulders tightly.
He pulled her fully against him, wanting to feel her whole body against his. She buried her face against his shoulder, clutching him tightly, and he kissed her neck.
She pulled away slightly to tug off his shirt and unfasten his pants.
"I need to feel your skin against mine," she murmured.
"I had the same thought," he muttered, shedding the rest of his clothing and drawing her to him.
He backed them in the direction of the bed, kissing het slowly and thoroughly at the same time. She fell gently back onto the bed and he climbed on top of her, kissing her continuously.
"I love you," he murmured between kisses, like he couldn't say it enough, "I love you."
And really, he couldn't get enough of it. He had wanted to tell her for so long, and now that he could he didn't want to stop. All these years, he'd been afraid he had missed his chance. He had resigned himself that he'd never be able to tell her, and it had nearly destroyed him.
She wrapped her arms around him neck, cradling the back his head in her hands. "I'm here," she murmured, "I'm here and I love you. I love you Chakotay, more than I'll ever be able to say," she told him, kissing him.
"Everything I can think of to say seems insufficient," he told her, tracing the sides of her ribcage with his hands.
"Me too," she muttered and moaned as his hands moved along her body.
"I'm going to keep trying though," he promised.
"I won't object." She grinned, tracing her fingers over his tattoo.
He kissed her again, slow and thorough. "Home wasn't home without you, Kathryn."
"Oh Chakotay. If you knew how many times I thought the same thing once we got back to Earth..." He could see the tears welling up in her eyes and he kissed her gently.
"We're here now," he reminded her, "and we are going to make sure neither of those things happen"
"It's still hard - after missing you for so many years, it's still hard to believe this is real."
He kissed her again, his hands gently moving over her sides. "Kathryn, would you like me to show you how real this is? Again?" He tried to lighten the mood.
"Again?" She raised her eyebrow, half question half challenge.
"With my mouth and hands at least," he clarified, "I do need a chance to recover in other ways."
To emphasize his point he moved his hands to get breasts, teasing the nipples. She shuddered beneath his touch as his hands moved slowly over her nipples.
"Yes please..." she groaned.
He moved one hand from her breast and slipped it between her thighs, feeling how ready she already was for him.
"I've been waiting a long time..." she answered to the comment he hadn't made, "For you."
"Spirits Kathryn, when you tell me that..." He kissed her deeply.
"It's the truth," she murmured, "Even when I was holding out on us, I was waiting for you. I dreamed of being with you, I fantasized about being with you, at times, I would look at you and have to resist coming over to you and kissing you on the bridge..." She muttered
"Oh Kathryn, I thought about it every day."
"You did?" She still sounded surprised.
"Kathryn, we hadn't been on that ship together a month before I started thinking about it. By a year in I was completely and utterly hopeless."
"You were? I always thought you hated me, at first."
"I didn't... I mean I hated myself a little to begin with, for falling under your spell so easily..."
"How do you think I felt? I had a fiancé and all I could do was think about you!" She laughed a little.
"Really?" He definitely hadn't thought that. He didn't think she'd started thinking about him that way until much later, probably New Earth.
"At first you made me so mad, but then it grew into something else, something I tried so hard to squash."
"Because of your fiance?"
"Because of Mark, because we were in the Delta Quadrant, because I was your captain, and mostly because being around you made me not care about any of it."
"I had no idea," he admitted, "Over time I thought you grew to have feelings for me but..."
"I did... That initial... Lust... It turned to deep, deep love."
"I know exactly what you mean," he murmured, "the more I got to know you the more I fell in love with everything about you, above and beyond my initial attraction to you."
"I've loved you for so long Chakotay, my love for you became such a part of me, I didn't know what to do when you died without me ever telling you."
"When Voyager was ripped out of slipstream I blamed myself so much for not fighting you on it. Even if you had ignored my concerns, if I'd refused to that the shuttle with Harry at worst you'd have brigged me and I'd have been abroad to die with you. I would have had to... I wouldn't have had to live all these years without you knowing it was my fault."
"It wasn't your fault." She took his face on her hands. "that wasn't your fault."
It was, he meant time argue, but her kiss interrupted him before he had the chance Her tongue slid into his mouth and he moaned.
His hands wandered over her body, caressing her skin. Her skin was as silky and soft as he had always imagined. Clearly it wasn't quite as firm as it once had been, but then neither was his, and it was still beautiful. It was still Kathryn. It didn't matter, time may have taken its toll on both of them but she was and always would be the most wonderful and beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
He shifted so that he could trail his lips down her neck, wanting to kiss and appreciate her completely. She let out a sigh of pleasure as he sucked lightly on her pulse point.
His hands roamed over her body, enjoying her hissed ,"Yes!" as he circled her waist in his hands and moved his mouth mouth to one of her breasts.
He loved her reaction to him when he took her nipple between his teeth and gently scraped them over it. He moved one of his hands back up to cup her other breast., and she moaned at the contact and he pinched her other nipple between his fingers.
He enjoyed the way her breath caught and her nipples hardened at the contact. He wanted to kiss her and touch her all over, all the time.
"I wish I had more hands," he murmured aloud.
"You seem to manage quite well," she muttered
"I just feel... Like I can never touch you enough."
"What a coincidence because I feel like I can never get enough of you touching me."
"How convenient," he grinned, trailing one hand down her stomach.
She arched up into his touch. He kept going, letting his thumb gently brush her clit. She groaned as he did and he loved that sound.
Less than a day in and he was already hooked on the noises she made. He always had suspected he would be, though. After all, it hasn't taken him very long to be under her spell. And there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't long for her, or love her.
He trailed kisses across the ribcage. She moaned as he did. "Your mouth feels so right on my skin."
He couldn't stop kissing her, worshiping her body. Every reaction she had to him was precious, a thrill he couldn't get enough of.
His lips moved to her hips and he kissed them firmly. His hands trailed along her thighs. He could feel her breathing become shallow and more rapid. He ran his hands over the back of her knees and down her calves.
He loved feeling how she shuddered beneath him. He pressed kisses against her thighs, buzzing his face against her skin. She sighed again, and he sucked on her skin.
He was close enough to smell her arousal, if it hadn't already been evident from the rest of her reactions. He fought the urge to taste it just yet, instead lifting one of her legs in the air so he could kiss the back of her thigh.
"Oh Chakotay..." she groaned as his lips moved along the back of her thigh, peppering it with kisses.
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to be able to kiss you and touch you like this?" he couldn't help asking, "How much it hurt to think that any chance I'd had had passed me by?"
"I love you so much," she moaned.
"I love you, Kathryn," he replied, switching his mouth to the other leg, "I love you more than anything."
He loved the way her beautiful legs felt under his lips. Eventually, he couldn't resist making his way inward, though.
He felt her breath hitch and he smiled. He parted the lips of her opening gently with his fingers, mouth so close she shuddered in time with his breath. He ran his thumb over her clit and she moaned his name. He ran his tongue along her opening, tasting her desire and felt like moaning himself, loving how aroused she was from the way he'd been touching her.
He wasn't sure how he had lived this long without her. He supposed it was only the hope of getting her back, of making things right, that had kept him going.
He placed a long, slow lick on her clit. The sound of her moaning his name was music to his ears He moved his tongue in a circular motion, causing a low moan to escape her lips.
He was still learning her body and what it liked best, something he was eager to perfect. He loved that after so many years, Kathryn was able to still fascinate him. Not that he ever doubted it, but realistically it had been possible that after all these years fixating on her the reality could not match his memory of her.
But the reality of her, bared to him like she was, that was something he thought he'd never get.
He moved his hand closer to her entrance so that he could slip one finger inside of her as he licked her clit. He felt her stomach muscles tighten as he did just that. He pressed his tongue a little more firmly against her and she crooked his finger and she moaned his name.
He decided he'd slip another finger inside her, to add to her pleasure. Oh yes, definitely a good idea, he thought as she cried out loudly, arching off the bed.
He groaned against her clit, picking up speed with his mouth and fingers. He ran his tongue over her clit faster and faster, enjoying the way she squirmed against him.
He slipped a third finger inside her as he felt her clenching around his fingers. He loved the sound of her crying out his name in climax. It rolled off her tongue in the sexiest way possible.
He could hardly believe this was real But it was finally real, and as he sucked on her clit again, and she cried out his name, he forgot all other thoughts.
He enjoyed the way she trembled against him. He loved the way she tasted. There wasn't a single thing about Kathryn that he didn't adore, now that he was hers at last He loved her so much, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to show her just how much.
He just had to hope that their plan would work and he'd have many years longer to try. Knowing Kathryn though, he was certain it would. It had to He couldn't imagine facing another lifetime without her.
Kathryn, groaned writhing against him, and he decided he'd pick up the pace. He loved the way she was sprawled with completely abandon before him Her whole body was flushed and he loved the color she had turned. His imagination had never measured up to the reality.
He moved his tongue in long licks now.
"Chakotay..." she murmured
He didn't pick up his pace, wanting to draw out her pleasure slowly. He held his fingers still inside of her, enjoying the way she squeezed around them.
She moaned his name over and over. He loved hearing her say it, after all this time.
"Say my name again Kathryn," he murmured.
"Chakotay..." she groaned, " Oh Chakotay..."
He couldn't bring himself to tease her any longer. He didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as he loved her.
So he picked up his pace, lapping at her clit until he could feel her legs shaking beneath him. She said his name more roughly, hovering on the edge. So he moved even faster.
His name transformed into something indecipherable as she tensed against him. He held her thighs as she trembled beneath him.
"I love you so much, Kathryn," he murmured.
"Oh Chakotay..." She muttered
She pulled him up her body to kiss him, running her hands over his shoulders and back.
He loved feeling her hands over his back, her nails gently digging into his skin.
"I can't believe all these years it could have been like this and I ..."
"We are here now."
"Yes," she conceded, "Yes we are."
Her lips claimed his once more, body wrapping around his.
He didn't, couldn't dwell on their mistakes in the past. Not when he was so certain they would fix them.
The next few weeks flew by in a haze of flurries of calculations for their mission and then of passion as he and Kathryn retreated to his quarters and lost themselves in each other over and over. He didn't sleep much... Neither of them did.
But before he knew it, they were finishing their calculations and getting ready to head back. Or sideways... He wasn't sure exactly how to explain it. Either way, the moment of truth had come. He followed Kathryn into the breach... Just as he always had.
He hated that he was going to lose her again but in the end he wouldn't.
"Ready?" she asked, entwining her fingers with his.
"As I'm going to be," he squeezed her hand gently.
And then there were there.