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Traveling alone wasn’t something Kevin Day was comfortable. It was a deep rooted fear inside of him that he didn’t have the time or energy to figure out, but it was there all the same. After he met Andrew, Kevin seldom traveled by himself. Andrew was always there, like an overprotective dog. Traveling became much easier on Kevin and his psyche.
Then things only improved when Neil came into the picture. Kevin took to Neil quickly and just as quickly fell head over heels. Andrew vowed to protect Neil the way he vowed to protect Kevin, so Neil became a traveling partner as well. Neil and Andrew both made him feel safe. They both made him feel secure. With the company of two boyfriends, Kevin very seldom traveled on his own. If both of them weren’t there, then one of them was. He would much rather have one than none.
At the end of the season, the team broke into smaller teams to do small meets around the country. Wymack has told them it was something about publicity as the season came to an end. Kevin didn’t bother questioning it and neither did the rest of the team, really. Normal. Kevin would go with Andrew and Neil, maybe even Nicky or Aaron. He would be okay.
Two weeks before they all went their separate ways, Wymack cut them into groups. Kevin, Neil, and Andrew. Like always.
Except, it wasn’t like always.
Dan, Matt, and Allison were traveling to the West coast. Normal, fine.
Kevin, Neil, Nicky, and Wymack were traveling north. But… Where was Andrew?
“He’s going with Aaron and Renee.” Wymack said, not looking up from the tickets he was handing to the three young men in front of him.
“Aaron and Renee?” Kevin echoed.
“Oh, Betsy is going with them too. Just in case.”
“Why isn’t he coming with us?” Kevin stared at him, heart racing in his ears.
“Abby suggested we should shake it up, try something else when we tour.” He put finger quotations around the word ‘tour.’ “The three of you are always together anyways. I’m sure you need some time apart every now and then.”
“Sure.” Kevin said, staring down at his ticket.
Wymack left the lounge they had been sitting in as Kevin stared down at his plane ticket with shaking hands.
“Kevin,” Neil said quietly, sympathetically.
“What’s wrong, Kev?” Nicky asked, trying to lighten the mood. He could feel it in the air. “You don’t want to tour with me? I think it’ll be fun.”
“Don’t call me that.” Kevin sighed, taking long strides out of the lounge, Neil in hot pursuit.
They went to the shared dorm the three of them had. Kevin sat his ticket down on the kitchen counter and closed his eyes, sighing loudly.
“Where’s Andrew?” He asked, hands shaking.
“He and Aaron went to see Bee. It was their shared appointment today.”
“Goddammit.”
“Kevin,” Neil gently wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his head on his back. “I know it makes you nervous, but it’ll be okay. I’ll be there, coach will be there.”
“Surely Andrew isn’t going to stand for this.”
“I know he can be a pest, but Nicky will be there.”
“He has to say something to Wymack, he has to.”
“It’ll be a nice trip before the beginning of the semester.”
“He has to! He always does…”
“Besides, it’s only a week long trip or something like that. Maybe a little longer, but I don’t think so.”
“A week.” Kevin repeated.
Neil squeezed him tightly from behind before walking around to look at him. He pushed some dark hair from his green eyes, rolled up onto his toes, then gently kissed his cheek. Kevin reached down, putting a gentle hand on the small of Neil’s back.
“It’ll be okay.” Neil said. “I can protect you just as well as Andrew does.”
When Wymack told Andrew the traveling plans, Andrew didn’t seem to have a problem. He shrugged his shoulders and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. That night, the three of them sat on the roof while Neil and Andrew had their cigarettes and Kevin flicked chips of cement down to the ground below.
The night before the trip, Kevin was a mess. Andrew has packed everything he needed, save for clothes (Kevin was a grown man, he could pack his own clothes). Then ascended to the roof for some alone time. When he came back into the dorm, Kevin and Neil were fast asleep, despite the several nervous breakdowns and panic attacks Kevin had experienced throughout the day and the evening.
Andrew quickly got into bed, the smell of cigarettes still on his t-shirt. The second he settled against his pillow, Kevin shifted around to look at him. Andrew glanced over at him, then silently reached out his hand. Kevin gladly took it, holding it tightly in his own.
“What if something happens?” Kevin whispered frantically.
“Nothing is going to happen.” Andrew reassured.
“But what if?”
“Then I packed some things that Neil knows how to use, just like I do.” Andrew looked over at him. “I have you covered, Kevin.”
“I’m scared.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“That’s not helping.”
“But it’s true. Neil can protect just as well as I can. Wymack will be there too, remember? You really think he’s going to let something happen to you?”
Tears pricked at Kevin’s green eyes. He didn’t know what to say, everything was different and overwhelming. He slowly leaned his head down onto Andrew’s shoulder. After a moment of hesitation, Andrew reached out and combed his fingers through Kevin’s dark hair.
“You’re going to be okay, Kevin.” He paused for a long time, sighing quietly. “And it’s okay to be scared. If it’s any consolation, I’m not too excited about it either.”
Kevin fell asleep nuzzled against Andrew’s side that night.
They all got up bright and early before the sun was even up the next day. Andrew and Neil had their cups of coffee and Kevin had his water bottle. They had a small breakfast of sickeningly sweet PopTarts for Andrew, toast for Neil, and a banana and some almonds for Kevin. All of which were mostly eaten as Andrew drove them to the airport.
Kevin was surprisingly calm as he said goodbye to Andrew once it was time for the twins to board their flight. He held it together until he sat next to Neil on the flight and buried his face in his shoulder. It was an embarrassing display of vulnerability, but Kevin couldn’t help it. He was a mess.
That night when they settled in the hotel room, Kevin and Neil immediately called Andrew.
“I’m fine.” Andrew had assured him. “And you’re going to be fine too. Neil’s with you.” He reminded.
“I know it’s just…”
“I know.” He said in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, one that was reserved for Neil and Kevin alone. “Listen, it won’t be that long, okay? You can last a week without me.”
“You’re right.” Kevin answered, but his heart was still thrumming in his ears. “Be safe, okay? I can’t have any freak accidents.”
“Loud and clear.” Andrew answered.
After a tender goodbye, Kevin finally hung up and rested his head on Neil’s shoulder. Neil reached out and gently stroked his dark, curly locks.
“It’ll be okay.” Neil said, pressing a kiss to his head. “It’s okay to be nervous. I know he’s your security blanket.”
Kevin nodded and quietly bit the inside of his cheek. He sighed and stood up, walking to the bathroom. Take a shower, get his mind off of it.
Like Andrew said, the week flew by. Between meet and greets, small interviews, conferences, and everything else that came with touring it was over pretty fast and Neil and Kevin were boarding their flight. Neil fell asleep on Kevin shortly after boarding.
When they got to the airport, Dan, Matt, and Allison were all already there, seated, looking tired. Wymack went to ask them about how their side of the tour went. Kevin stood by Neil, staring at all of the planes that kept coming in and leaving. Dan, Matt, and Allison drove home after about twenty minutes of waiting, Nicky hitched a ride with them. Wymack, Kevin, and Neil waited for the other three foxes. After an hour they still hadn’t landed and Kevin was starting to get antsy, bouncing his leg and biting at the inside of his cheek. Neil carefully rubbed his back and Kevin appreciated the grounding touch.
“Where do you think they are?” Kevin asked Wymack, sounding like a timid child.
“The flight was probably delayed.” Wymack answered. “Betsy told me this morning that the weather there wasn’t ideal.”
Kevin couldn’t breathe. He nodded his head then glanced over to Neil. Neil reached down and gently took hold of the taller man’s hand. He looked over at Neil and bit his lower lip.
“At the absolute worst, they just had to momentarily land somewhere until the weather clears up. It happens all the time, Kevin.” Wymack said. “Do you want me to go check on the flight? They could have some information.”
“Sure.” Kevin said quietly. He didn’t need this right now.
Wymack stood and walked away from the two of them. Kevin bounced his leg nervously, tapping his fingers on Neil’s hand. Neil glanced over at him, smoothing some hair from his face with his other hand.
“Where is he?” Kevin whispered.
“I’m sure he’s fine.” Neil reassured. “Maybe estimated arrival time was wrong or something. I wouldn’t worry too much, okay?”
Kevin didn’t acknowledge anything he said, just stared straight down at the ground, bouncing his leg, squeezing Neil’s hand. It didn’t matter what was happening, he needed Andrew there now.
“The flight is delayed.” Wymack said as he approached.
“For how long?” Kevin answered.
“They don’t know, they said the weather’s pretty nasty. I tried texting Betsy but it didn’t send, so I’m assuming their service is bad if they even have any.”
“Fuck.” Neil murmured.
“What do we do?”
“I can drive you two back to the dorms, leave Andrew’s car here, and when he finally lands he can just drive home.”
“What if he’s too tired to drive? I think we should stay.” Kevin asked.
“As if he would let you two drive.” Wymack rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Kevin. You don’t want to spend the night in an airport.”
That made Kevin’s heart drop. It wouldn’t be that late before Andrew got back, right? Surely. How long do flights usually delay? Andrew couldn’t be gone that long.
Kevin was starting to panic.
Nonetheless, he slowly stood up, Neil following suit, and nodded his head. What else was there to do?
They collected their baggage and followed Wymack out to his truck. They loaded everything into the back then Kevin climbed into the passenger seat and Neil climbed into the back. The ride to the dorms was uncomfortable silent, Kevin’s mind still racing at a million miles a minute. When they finally got there, Neil and Kevin were both more than grateful to get out of the dead silent car.
“Do you need any help carrying bags?” Wymack asked.
“No, we should be fine.” Neil said, smiling politely. “Thanks, though.”
Kevin didn’t bother looking back at Neil or Wymack, just walked straight into the dorms. Neil momentarily struggled to catch up with him, but eventually did as Kevi was waiting for the elevator. They got on it in silence, Kevin staring straight ahead. He held it together as the elevator went up to their room. He unlocked the door, turned on the lights, and Neil thought he was going to be okay. Until he wasn’t.
Kevin’s breathing hitched and his hands started shaking. Neil quickly walked him over to the couch, sitting the larger man down.
“Kevin.” He said, kneeling in front of him. “Kevin, give me your eyes. Look at me.”
Kevin shook his head, struggling to catch his breath. He bounced his leg frantically, gripping onto one of his wrists. He kept shaking his head, panting like he had been working out. He couldn’t meet Neil’s eyes, just occasionally glanced over at him when his eyes were looking all around the room.
“Kevin,” he said again, gentler.
Still, he couldn’t quite get through to him. Neil could see the build up of tears in Kevin’s green eyes, but he wouldn’t let them fall. He just held them back as best as he could.
Neil slowly reached up, gently cupping one of his cheeks with his hand. Kevin’s eyes finally stopped frantically searching the room and locked with Neil’s. His hands were still violently shaking when he reached up to gently put one on top of Neil’s, his breathing slowly calming.
“It’s alright.” Neil said. “I’m sure everything is—”
Neil was interrupted by the sound of his phone loudly vibrating in his pocket. He and Kevin stared at each other before he reached into his pocket with his free hand. He didn’t even bother glancing at the contact number before flipping open the phone and raising it to his ear.
“I’m okay.” Andrew’s monotone voice said through the phone.
“I figured you were.” Neil said back softly.
“Is it Andrew?” Kevin asked quietly, but he knew the answer.
“There was some kind of insane storm, like lightning while we were still in the sky.” He explained, running a hand through his hair. “So, we landed and got into the airport but the storm caused a power outage. My phone didn’t have any service.”
“Is the power still out?” Neil asked.
“No, it just came back on. The weather here is still pretty nasty.”
“Is he okay?” Kevin asked, gripping into Neil’s hand.
“We’re fine, all of us are. Our flight is supposed to be delayed for a while though, so they’re trying to find us another flight home.”
“How long is the weather supposed to last?”
“Until Sunday.” Andrew said. “It’s supposed to lighten up around Friday. That’s why we’re trying to find another flight.
“Okay.” Neil said.
“I’m sure Kevin is freaking out?”
“He’s been handling okay. He could be better.”
“Let me talk to him.”
Neil handed the phone over to Kevin, who quickly took it and held it to his ear. He bit his lip hard, tears starting prick at his eyes and overflow. He inhaled quietly and opened his mouth to speak, but Andrew cut him off.
“Don’t be dramatic.” He said, mostly jokingly. “It’s not like I’m dead or anything.”
“I know,” Kevin said quietly. “It’s just strange.”
“If that’s how you want to put it, sure. I told Neil we’re trying to find another flight home. The weather isn’t going to be clearing up for a while.”
“Oh…”
“But, if everything goes the way I’m hoping it will, we’ll be leaving here this evening. I’m not going to spend the night in an airport.”
“Okay.”
“How was your flight? Did you do okay?”
“Yeah,” Kevin wiped some tears from his face. “It was fine, I was fine. You know I don’t do well flying.”
“I don’t either, I hate it.” He paused. “I just handle it better than you do.”
“Shut up.”
“No.”
Kevin looked down at his lap, Neil’s head resting on his knee. He reached out and gently ran his fingers through his red locks. Kevin didn’t necessarily have a thing for red hair, but he loved the way it looked. Especially Neil’s. It made him think of a fox.
Of course it made him think of a fox.
“I don’t like traveling without you.” Kevin said quietly.
“I know you don’t.”
“I…” Kevin swallowed. “I miss you.”
“Give the phone back to Neil.” Andrew said.
“I just wanted to tell you.”
“Give him his phone.”
Kevin swallowed again then handed the phone back to Neil. Neil kept his head on Kevin’s knee, setting the phone lazily on the side of his face.
“Hey.” Neil said.
“I’ll let you know when we find a flight. Or when this one finally leaves.”
“Okay.”
“If I don’t, Bee or Aaron will.”
“Okay. I love you.” He said softly, warmly.
“God, you’re both so fucking annoying.” Andrew responded before finally hanging up.
Neil moves the phone from the side of his face, closed it, then mindlessly tossed it onto the coffee table. Kevin winced at the sound.
“He’ll be okay. What’d I tell you?”
“I pissed him off.” Kevin sighed.
“You didn’t piss him off.” Neil nudged Kevin’s leg. “He’s just crabby.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Neil rolled his eyes and stood up. He collected the few bags that were in the living room and toted it back to their shared bedroom. Kevin sighed, leaning his head back and rubbing his face.
After a couple of hours, they ordered some takeout and watched some reruns of sitcoms neither of them really cared for. Andrew called around eight on Aaron’s phone (his had died) to tell them they were getting ready to board and he probably wouldn’t be home until late.
Kevin wasn’t too happy that he still wasn’t home, but he could at least relax a little knowing he was on the way. They both tried to stay awake as long as they could, trying to wait up for the other man, but Neil ended up heading to the bedroom around eleven and Kevin wasn’t far behind him.
It was amazing he fell asleep at all. With all the worry and panicking he had done over the past week, it must have exhausted him. And, surprisingly, he slept fine for a while, holding Neil to his chest like a little teddy bear. But good sleep was hard to come by, especially for the three of them.
He sat up bolt right, his body feeling like it had been hit by lightning. He painted, hands gripping the sheets around him as he stared blankly at the wall in front of him. There was a phantom pain in his wrist and it was too dark for him to realize that he wasn’t in any danger. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, everything was just one big, panicked blur.
“Hey,” came a voice from the other side of the room.
Kevin was scared to look, he couldn’t trust his mind.
“Kevin.”
He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. The voice was familiar, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t trust himself.
He heard the sound of a window shutting, then footsteps quietly coming his way. He felt a weight shift slowly onto the bed. Kevin slowly started to open his eyes, staring down at the sheets before slowly looking towards the source of the weight.
He stared blankly for a moment, his mind still clearing. He blinked, slowly reaching towards the other person.
“Nightmare?”
“Can I hold your hand?”
There silence for a second.
“Andrew, please, I—”
“Shut up.” Andrew snapped back quietly.
“I-I’m sorry.” Kevin answered quietly. He couldn’t help it, his mind was still a mess.
Andrew shifted on the bed, pulling the taller man to his chest. Kevin was still for a moment, unsure of what he could or couldn’t do.
“Can I hug you?” He asked quietly.
“Yeah.” Andrew sighed.
Kevin wrapped his arms around the other man, pressing his face into his chest. He smelled like cigarettes, but then again, he always did. It wasn’t a smell that Kevin thought he would be welcoming. But he was. He gripped onto Andrew’s t-shirt tightly, nuzzling his face into his chest as he trembled, holding back tears.
“That rough, huh?” Andrew asked, reaching down to slowly rub his back. Kevin nodded. “Well, I’ll make sure we’re not separated like that again.”
Kevin swallowed heavily, too tired to really deal with crying again. Andrew gently scratched the back of his head before pressing a small kiss to his head.
“Come on,” he said quietly. “I’m here now. Let’s go to bed.”
Kevin nodded as Andrew slowly laid the both of them down. Neil, in his sleep, rolled towards Kevin and snuggled up against him. Andrew reached out and stroked Kevin’s cheek.
This was how it should’ve been, the three of them snuggled together in a hotel bed. But, it didn’t matter now, Kevin supposed. Everyone was home safe and happy now. Kevin settled against Andrew, sighing slowly.
“I’m glad you’re back.” Kevin said quietly.
“You need to shut up and go to sleep.” Andrew answered.
“Okay.”