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the waves lazily dragged over wet sand, removing old marks and imperfections. the ocean stretched out for an eternity behind the shoreline, the crystalline water turning dark at the horizon.
the sun was slowly rising, spilling golden-red over the near-empty beach. changbin took a deep breath of the clean breeze that swept past. his feet dug into the cold sand with every step he took. the shoes in his hands occasionally hit his thighs.
walking along the beach in the early morning was one of his favourite things to ever do. everything was still and time was a foreign concept. changbin could be at peace with life, and he tilted his head back to look at the gently brightening sky.
a tiny giggle broke his serenity and changbin sighed. the beach was never empty for long, he rationalised against the irritation when he glanced over the sandy stretch in front of him. no one. behind him, then.
still no one. changbin tilted his head to the side. was he imagining things? he shook his head and began his leisurely walk again. he must’ve imagined the sound.
he stopped at one point and carefully dug up a shell from the sand. it was pearly pink one on side, raw, sharp and grey on the other. changbin doubted his mother would mind too much if he brought it back home, so he went to put it in his pocket.
“stealing from the ocean, are you?”
changbin flinched at the sudden voice. he spun around, searching for the man that had spoken, but found no one. he couldn’t have imagined that, though. the voice was too real for him to have imagined it. then, where did it come from? there was no one on the beach besides changbin himself and a small bird hopping around where the sand ended and grass took its place.
“over here.”
behind him. changbin turned, forehead creasing when he frowned. behind him was the ocean. his eyes widened. behind him was the ocean and a boy. a boy, probably sitting on his knees in the shallow water that only reached to his stomach but should have been by his thighs. changbin stared at him, at his bare chest, dark, dripping wet hair, and beautiful smile.
changbin frowned. the boy’s skin seemed to almost shift with faint, translucent colours, from pastel pink and baby blue to intense violet and velvet green.
“hello,” the boy said, face open and friendly but voice cold and serious. “don’t take from the ocean without permission.”
changbin tightened his hold on the seashell. “i- i’m… i’m sorry?”
“it’s okay. you can take it. but only this time. don’t steal from the ocean again.” the boy waved his hand in the air and changbin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. the boy gave him a close-lipped smile, curling his fingers towards changbin. “come closer.”
changbin nodded quietly, taking a few hesitant steps towards the boy. of course he wanted to move closer. the world was quiet around them and changbin found himself focused on the boy. the water looked inviting, the boy even more so.
the engine of a car roared as it sped past on the road behind changbin, breaking and shattering the illusion of warmth. changbin stopped dead and took another look around.
the waves looked grey and cruel, the sun threatening to swallow him whole. a rock in the sand dug painfully into his foot. funnily enough, the boy was still stunning while the rest of the world turned bleak, menacing and cold. changbin suddenly wanted nothing more than to get away from the beach.
“I- sorry!” changbin turned and ran.
--- --- ---
“hey, changbin? are you gonna tag along to get pizza?”
changbin glanced up at his friends. the history book in front of him was incredibly boring, so he nodded and closed it. he flashed them a quick smile. “sure. are we going now?”
dohee grinned. “yep, wooyoung’s gonna meet us there.”
changbin got up from his seat and threw his bag over his shoulder. “great. are we waiting for anyone else?”
changbin followed the group as they left the classroom, most guys already laughing and talking together in smaller groups. dohee shook his head before turning to ask jehyun something and changbin tuned him out.
it didn’t bother him a lot to walk in silence in the outskirts of the loud group. he didn’t really know any of them that well, but still considered them his friends as he had no one else. changbin found his mind wandering through the occasional shove and exceptionally loud yell. and his mind wandered right back to the beach and the strange boy, already two days ago.
he absentmindedly picked at the band-aid on the palm of his hand where the pearly pink seashell had torn his skin after he held it too tightly.
the world around him still seemed bleak, but changbin strangled the sigh before it could escape his lips.
--- --- ---
“mom? i’m home,” changbin called out as he toed off his shoes. the house was quiet but he knew his mother was home. she was always home after five and the clock read close to seven. changbin swung his bag over his shoulder and walked up the stairs to his room, fully intent on finishing his homework and going to bed early like every day.
he found his mother inside his room by his desk, twirling the small seashell between her fingers. she looked up when he closed his door, staring at her. “mom? what are you doing in here?”
“where did you find this, binnie dear?” his mother ignored his question in favour of looking at the seashell again. changbin drew a calming breath. it would be of no use to get mad.
“at the beach, last sunday morning.”
his mother let the shell fall into the palm of her hand, the pink side up. she set her jaw and changbin knew something disappointing was about to come. “it’s very pretty. but you know the beach is off-limits until school is out. you have to focus on your studies, not trapsais around by the ocean. i will be taking this.”
changbin’s mouth fell open. “what? but- why?”
“you know why,” his mother’s mouth was set into a thin, firm line. “things like this will only distract you. dinner will be served in an hour and i want your homework to be done before you go to bed.”
with that, she left. changbin stared at the open door long after she was gone, internally going over everything he had done the past week to find anything that could have invoked that behaviour from her. she wasn’t often like that, changbin reasoned as he put his school bag on the floor by his desk.
a surge of anger rushed through him when he saw the empty spot on his desk and remembered that his mother took the little seashell. he did his best to smother the anger and reminded himself that she did it out of his best interest. she cared for him, in her own strange way.
--- --- ---
there was news about someone having drowned the next morning. the news anchor relayed information that said the man had a high level of alcohol in his blood when he’d been found in the water by the pier, only half an hour away from the beach changbin liked to go to. all changbin could think about was how stupid you’d have to be to go to the ocean drunk and alone.
but for a second, when he’d first heard the news, changbin had wondered if it was the boy he saw that was found. then he saw the pictures and discovered it was a complete stranger, and suddenly he didn’t care as much.
he didn’t say that out loud, though, as his homeroom class buzzed around him, everyone talking about how sad it was. the man had been a rich, slightly famous figure, apparently getting most of his money from selling ocean pearls.
don’t take from the ocean without permission, the strange boy’s voice echoed in changbin’s head before he shook it away. changbin had never had any opinions on making money off the ocean’s resources, so why would he start now?
it was all that stupid boy’s fault.
the hour dragged on slowly after the teacher managed to silence everyone. changbin spent the homeroom hour looking out the window at the small slivers of ocean that he could see between other buildings and trees. it was glittering blue, but changbin couldn’t find the same sense of peace he usually did when watching the waves. still, he couldn’t stop looking.
thankfully they had the next class in the same classroom, so changbin had no reason to move away from the window. the bell rang and most of the students left to go to their own classes, except for the few that shared the creative writing class with changbin.
why he decided to take that class was a mystery, but it was easy and he always got good marks so he wasn’t going to complain.
the room filled up again with new students and finally the teacher arrived. mrs. kim was a short, fat woman who never disclosed her age but had to be at least fifty, changbin had concluded long ago. but she was nice enough and changbin sometimes made extra effort to not be as cold towards her as towards the other teachers in his school.
changbin tuned in again while she was explaining the new assignment they were going to work with, trying to read what was already written on the board in her tiny handwriting.
“-and it should incorporate mythology or religion into an everyday thing in our lives. the text must be a minimum of three thousand words were you develop a world similar but unlike our own. it can be a story with a plot or simply in-depth worldbuilding- it’s up to each individual. you have until next lesson to plan and choose a topic, and in two weeks we will start writing. good luck, everyone.”
mrs. kim clapped her hands before turning back to the board, writing out ‘subject suggestions’ in large letters. under she wrote things that seemed straight out of tumblr, like ‘fairy-run coffeeshops' and ‘cerberus as your neighbour’s dog.’
changbin sighed as she wrote down more and more suggestions, each more ridiculous than the previous. he’d seen shorter texts like that float around on the internet before and had a vague idea of what he wanted to write. he’d always liked the texts including the ocean and knew he himself wanted to write something similar.
he just had to figure out what.
mermaids were obvious but felt a little overused and cliché. maybe he could take ideas from that post he saw about underwater vampires? changbin shook his head. no, that didn’t feel right either.
he turned his head and went back to looking out the window instead. hopefully, something would hit him, he thought helplessly as he gazed at the far-away waves curling over each other. and then he decided that he would, for once, disobey his mother.
if he wanted to write about the ocean, he would have to be close to it.
--- --- ---
changbin cursed quietly as drops of saltwater hit the papers of his notebook, quickly seeping in and blurring the lines of a few letters that he’d written. he shifted again on the grainy concrete.
he still had nothing, four days later. it had also been a week since he saw the strange boy and changbin wasn’t sure why he felt dejected when thinking about it. it wasn’t like he wanted to see him again- the guy had been weird and changbin wasn’t a big fan of weird.
“this assignment sucks,” he sighed as he closed his notebook, lowering himself down until he was lying on his back on the concrete, feet dangling above the water underneath him. he was relatively sure it once was supposed to be another pier, but it was never finished and now there’s simply a large block of concrete sticking out in the water.
he could hear children playing on the beach not far away and people sometimes passed by close enough that he could hear what they were talking about, but nothing really caught his interest.
a soft breeze blew over him and he closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth of the sun.
he woke up when he felt something grab onto his ankle. changbin sat straight up with a startled yell, instinctively jerking his legs and bringing them close to his body as his heart hammered in his chest. his right ankle felt wet and damp, a few drops of water sliding down his skin.
“what the hell,” he whispered to himself as he looked around. the sun was setting, there were dark clouds in the distance and the wind was slowly picking up, stronger now than when changbin fell asleep. there weren’t many people around and the few that were seemed to be leaving.
changbin took a few calming breaths before he shifted onto his knees, carefully leaning forward over the edge of the pier to see what had woken him up. he found nothing, but his heart continued to beat at a rapid pace when he realised that the water level was too low to be able to reach his ankles, nonetheless only one.
he froze when someone giggled behind him. he recognised that giggle. changbin spun around and winced when his knees hit the concrete. the strange guy was on the other side of the pier, arms folded and rested on the concrete. his hair was still dripping wet and changbin could bet he still wasn’t wearing any shirt. the red sun behind him made it look like he was glowing. he was just as stunning as changbin remembered him.
“you shouldn’t sleep here all alone,” the guy hummed, voice annoyingly smooth. changbin clenched his jaw, picking up his notebook and pen. the guy’s face dropped when changbin began to rise. “are you already leaving?”
changbin swallowed harshly, throat suddenly dry. he wasn’t sure why he was leaving and he could feel his resolve to do so crumbling. “was it you that grabbed my leg?”
the boy didn’t answer. “what’s your name?”
the boy caught changbin by surprise and the quiet “changbin” slipped out of him before he could think about it.
the guy nodded once. “i’m hyunjin.”
changbin made sure to show no reaction to the information. a strong wind whipped around them and changbin shifted on his feet to not lose his balance. the boy- hyunjin shivered and changbin almost told him to get out of the water and put on a shirt but stopped himself when he reminded himself that he didn’t actually know hyunjin.
“you should go home. the ocean is hungry again, but i thought i would spare you.”
the eeriness in his words made the blood in changbin’s veins turn to ice, but he didn’t move for some reason. “why?”
hyunjin then grinned widely, completely different from his previously blank face, and changbin could have sworn he saw long, sharp teeth. the dark is making it hard to see properly, he tried to reason with himself as hyunjin answered, voice dropping into low and dangerous territories. “you apologised twice last time i saw you. now go home, and don’t expect the same kindness again.”
changbin nodded once and then he ran.
--- --- ---
it was a quiet monday morning in the seo household as they ate breakfast. changbin’s sister had her nose in a book, his father nowhere to be seen and his mother watching the news on the small tv fastened on the wall, muted with subtitles instead. changbin didn’t look up as he ate his breakfast in silence, still trying to force away the feeling of someone grabbing his ankle.
“how terrible,” his mother said after a long while, breaking the silence. “the storm last night sank a boat. three people died.”
“how tragic,” his sister commented, not sounding particularly sad about it at all. she took a bite from her toast before flipping the page in her book.
changbin remained silent. the ocean is hungry again. it was a coincidence, he told himself times and times again as his stomach tied itself into knots. it was simply a coincidence.
but he had an idea for his creative writing class now.
he finished up his breakfast and remained in his seat; his mother would complain if he left the table too early. his foot tapped quietly against the floor as he bounced his leg. he stopped when his mother gave him a pointed look and placed an apple in front of him. he took it, just to have something to do with his hands.
the next time when he glanced up at his mother was when she made a noise of distaste and he saw that she’d scrunched up her face, looking like she was trying to eat a raw lemon. “they legalised those homosexual marriages in another country now. this world is going to hell, isn’t it?”
it was a rhetorical question but his sister hummed and gave them an uncommitted “yes, mom.”
changbin took a deep breath and waited for a few seconds. “mom, may i leave the table? i have to leave for school soon.”
his mother, eyes still stuck on the tv and face scrunched up, nodded. changbin had never been so quick to put away his dishes and leave the kitchen. his throat felt tight and he jammed a finger inside his collar to tug on it, but it made no difference.
changbin wasn’t entirely sure he if he was gay or not, but his mother’s quietly hateful words and his sister’s indifference still pained him. but what could he say, seventeen and still living under her rule? nothing, he thought bitterly as he pulled on his shoes and jacket. it was still raining outside, like it had been the entire night.
the walk to the bus wasn’t a fun one, but changbin managed. the inside of the bus was warm enough and changbin pulled out his notebook from his bag, writing down everything he remembered about his two meetings with hyunjin. he’d thought about doing it just before he went to sleep the day before but between the scolding from his mom when he came home late to still being shaken from the whole thing, he forgot.
at the bottom of the page, he wrote the words that currently haunted him the most.
the ocean is hungry again, but i thought i would spare you.
--- --- ---
the week had passed incredibly slowly.
the only exciting thing was how changbin had gotten only ninety-three points out of a maximum hundred and his mother had found no problem voicing her disappointment, pointing out that his sister got full score on her last assignment. moral of the story; changbin had to work harder and he’d spent all saturday doing homework.
changbin groaned when his alarm rang at four the following sunday morning. he prayed his mother wasn’t up yet -she woke up at ungodly hours sometimes- as he slipped out of bed and dragged on his clothes, shoving his phone, headphones, notebook and pen into his large pockets and tip-toeing downstairs.
he counted his lucky stars when he silently unlocked the front door and stepped outside without being seen, locking it again before setting off towards the beach. it was a twenty-minute walk from his home, so he decided against waiting for the bus.
it was still dark outside as he walked down the network of streets, but he knew the sun would be rising by the time he reached his destination. hopefully, there would be no people around, because he had a niggling suspicion that hyunjin wouldn’t show up otherwise.
the fact that changbin wanted to see hyunjin pained him. the other boy had somehow grown on him during the week, changbin finding himself over and over again comparing people with hyunjin, and the results changbin got told him that no one else seemed just as interesting as hyunjin.
changbin sighed as he neared the beach, fresh air making him feel more awake. the sun was rising now and changbin took a moment to watch his surroundings light up before he left the little trail between the trees, feet sinking into the soft sand.
then he stopped.
there was someone on the concrete pier, at the absolute edge of it. changbin could easily tell from the shape of their silhouette that the person was leaning out over the water. changbin blinked once before he saw that there was someone in the water as well, a head and an arm visible, reaching out for the person on the pier.
did the person in the water fall in? did they need help? what was going on?
changbin moved closer, heart in his throat and bad feeling in his chest. he stopped when a voice reached him.
“come closer,” hyunjin purred and changbin knew he was the one in the water, “just a little closer.”
changbin watched in horror as the person on the pier stretched out an arm as well, silhouette moving dangerously over the edge as hyunjin hummed quietly. “that’s right,” he continued in a velvet voice. “your soul is already tainted, you would never make it into heaven.”
the person leaned out far enough that hyunjin could take their hand and everything was still for a second. then hyunjin giggled and changbin could only watch in horror as hyunjin ducked underwater, the person on the pier letting out a terrified shout before falling in with a large splash.
changbin shouted as well, sprinting over the beach towards the pier. a desperate hand shot out of the water before it was quickly dragged down again. changbin clenched his jaw and sped up, running onto the pier.
it was too late.
all he saw under the wild water was the glittering scales of what looked like an oversized snake and a pair of feet quickly vanishing from sight. changbin stared at the water, no sign of hyunjin or the person falling in.
it took a minute or so before he snapped out of it, stumbling back on the pier and slapping a shaky hand over his mouth. “what the fuck,” he choked out as he looked around to see if anyone else saw what just happened. “what the fuck, what the fuck-”
his legs gave out and he sank down onto the concrete, heart beating frantically and whole body shaking as he processed what just happened. did hyunjin just drown that person? changbin’s breath got caught in his throat several times before he calmed down enough to breathe normally.
he wasn’t sure how long he sat there but the sun had risen enough that he knew hyunjin probably wouldn’t appear again, so changbin got up on jelly legs and stumbled off the pier, away from the beach and all the way home.
he needed a nap.
at this point, he didn’t care if his mother was awake or not, but he saw that her car was gone and breathed a sigh of relief. he felt unnaturally light and jittery as he made his way up the stairs and into his room, falling heavily onto his bed.
he held his breath for a few seconds before exhaling slowly, staring at the ceiling and processing everything. then he rolled over, pulling out his notebook from his pocket and writing down everything. he wrote down every little detail, from doodling how much the sun had risen to the way hyunjin’s voice sounded over the waves.
he was breathing calmly by the time he was done writing, his hand cramping around the pen. he didn’t feel as lightheaded and closed the notebook with a long groan. what was he supposed to do now?
--- --- ---
the open tabs on his laptop were laughable at best and changbin could do nothing but sigh as he opened another one.
are mermaids real
32 000 000 hits (0,34 seconds)
mermaids definition
3 020 000 hits (0,40 seconds)
what do mermaids look like
206 000 000 hits (0,50 seconds)
do mermaids really drown humans
1 640 000 hits (0,41 seconds)
male mermaids
21 400 000 hits (0,54 seconds)
what are sirens
140 000 000 hits (0,45 seconds)
do sirens exist
19 600 000 hits (0,50 seconds)
mermaids vs sirens
7 600 000 hits (0,37 seconds)
am i going insane
195 000 000 hits (0,50 seconds)
changbin snorted as he clicked on one of the many quizzes designed to tell you if you’re insane or not. he closed it after reading the first question -are you taking this test voluntarily?- just to see that the first answer option was no, my therapist is making me. like any professional would make someone take an online quiz to determine that.
besides, he didn’t need a quiz to know that, yes, he was going insane. yesterday the news started circulating that another man had drowned nearby and changbin just knew, and it was driving him crazy with guilt. changbin could have helped. prevented it, even.
it took a whole day for him to hear anything about it, though, and it wasn’t until tuesday morning that it was brought up by his mom. changbin was a hundred percent sure she did it to scare him away from the sea.
she didn’t have to worry; there was no way he went back there. or, at least he told himself so, ignoring the nagging something in the back of his mind.
changbin opened his document for his creative writing class instead, sighing as he looked at all the notes containing the ocean. he would miss the peaceful mornings, simply walking along the beach. but he was certainly not going back to risk being drowned by hyunjin.
changbin didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t deny it.
he shuddered before glancing over his notebook, typing down another of the notes he’d taken. on wednesday next week, they had to present their final idea to mrs. kim and changbin were sure it was going to be fine. she’d already told him he’d chosen an interesting topic.
the dark side of mermaids.
changbin had hyunjin to thank for the idea, really. he was still stunning and beautiful in changbin’s mind, but the cruel way he murdered someone and his eerie words made him into something that changbin feared.
changbin knew there was something off about hyunjin and that he couldn’t be human, no matter how much changbin tried to rationalise his way to an explanation for hyunjin’s behaviour. he simply couldn’t and changbin was terrified.
yet, he couldn’t let hyunjin go from his mind. he was giving changbin a headache with how often he appeared in changbin’s thoughts, and now in his schoolwork, too.
changbin groaned again as he tried to type out a coherent sentence for his assignment, but nothing felt right. something was missing, hiding just out of sight for changbin. for a moment he considered opening the am i going insane quiz again.
then the thought was there, louder than everything else in his head. it was strong enough to prompt him to say it out loud, “if i’m writing about hyunjin, then i need to know hyunjin,” like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
it felt like a sucker-punch to his stomach a second later when changbin realised what he said, slapping a hand over his mouth as his mind blared alarm bells. where the hell did that thought come from?
but then again, he hesitantly told himself, it does make sense. he knew that the more details and realism he had in his text, the better the grade he’d get from mrs. kim. and no one would be able to give him as many small details as hyunjin possibly could- if changbin could get hyunjin to talk. changbin grimaced. if he could even find hyunjin at all.
how do you find someone who seemingly lives in the ocean?
you don’t, changbin realised with a deep sigh. they find you. and for that, you need to be in a place where they have a chance at finding you. like by the ocean.
changbin shut his laptop with a newfound determination. he had to talk hyunjin, one way or another. even if it meant already breaking his silent promise to himself of not going back to the beach. the nagging something in the back of changbin’s mind jumped around with joy at this new development.
was it stupid? yes. did changbin care? no, but he probably should.
changbin couldn’t help but chastise himself for thinking it was a good idea as he penned down questions he had in his notebook. he still wasn’t sure why he hadn’t stopped himself when he heard his sister and mother go to bed. changbin remained seated at his desk for another hour until he heard another car pull up at the driveway. he tilted his head back and waited.
his dad was home for once. changbin heard him heat up some dinner, eat it, and then he was coming upstairs, passing changbin’s room. changbin waited for another hour, slowly spinning in his chair and playing with his phone before getting up.
the clock read close to two in the morning but changbin didn’t feel tired at all, excitement and adrenaline flowing through him as he pulled on a jacket, grabbed his notebook and slowly opened his door.
the hallway was dark, quiet.
changbin grinned as the thrill of breaking rules hit him. the walk from his room to the front door took ten minutes longer than usual, but it was worth it when changbin slipped through the front door, unnoticed, and ran down the street.
the entire neighbourhood was asleep, changbin’s shoes slapping against the pavement and his strained breath the only thing filling the air. nothing could stop him and the adrenaline kept him going until he was a few streets away from the beach, slowing down to a quick walk.
if anyone were to ask him why he was in such a hurry, he couldn’t answer.
the beach was just as empty as the streets, the moon partially clouded and the waves calm, washing up on the sand in even motions. there was no sound of birds but changbin thought he heard a mouse or something similar run over the forest floor behind him, spooking him for a moment.
changbin swallowed harshly and tightened his grip on his notebook before kicking off his shoes, taking them in his hand. the damp concrete of the pier was uncomfortable after having walked on the cold sand, but changbin managed.
“you better show up,” changbin grumbled. he glared at the water after sitting down, ignoring his racing heart. he really, really didn’t want hyunjin to drown him tonight. or any other time, really.
changbin sighed and laid down on the cold concrete, choosing to stargaze as he talked quietly to himself. “hyunjin… i think i know what you are… come talk to me… it would help me a-”
“what do i get from it?”
the words died out in changbin’s throat and he closed his eyes when hyunjin’s voice cut him off. there was the sound of rippling water before changbin rolled over and looked towards the source of the noise.
hyunjin had his arms folded on the pier, chin rested on his arms. his hair was still dripping wet, just like his bare skin. the few hints of light from the moon made him glow ethereally. changbin stared at him in silence before scrambling to get up on his knees. he swallowed once before blurting out the first thing his brain could conjure.
“what are you?”
hyunjin blinked and changbin mentally slapped himself. the complete silence between them lasted for three seconds before hyunjin giggled. “that was a bit upfront, don’t you think?”
changbin nodded sheepishly before shaking his head. he had a feeling he would need to go straight to the point if he wanted answers from hyunjin. “are you a mermaid? i saw you drown someone a week ago.”
at this, hyunjin threw his head back and laughed loudly. changbin could feel the frustrated blush rising on his cheeks as hyunjin laughed at him for a long time. changbin was gritting his teeth by the time hyunjin stopped laughing.
“are you sure you want to know?”
changbin felt something freeze inside him when hyunjin grinned, flashing long, razor-sharp teeth. that confirmed one thing- hyunjin certainly wasn’t human. changbin clenched his hand into a fist to stop it from shaking but nodded nonetheless.
something dark and dangerous flashed in hyunjin’s eyes before he smiled so sweetly that changbin almost melted. “you’re both right and not. i’m not a mermaid, but i did drown that man and several more. you’re lucky to have been spared so many times.”
changbin knew he was supposed to flee when he heard those words, but hyunjin spoke so softly that there could be nothing to be afraid of, right? changbin slowly relaxed as he looked at hyunjin in silence, mulling over the other’s voice.
changbin’s eyes widened and he jerked back when the meaning of what hyunjin said hit him. the content feeling growing in his chest was quickly diminished, replaced by something empty and cold.
hyunjin’s smile wasn’t dazzling or sweet anymore, changbin realised, and his teeth were again too sharp to be at ease around. hyunjin noticed the change and tilted his head to the side, running his tongue over his razor-like teeth. “scared?”
changbin forced himself to shake his head. “no.”
it seemed to be the wrong thing to say, hyunjin’s eyes clouding over and smile dropping. he reached out towards changbin, cold and wet fingertips tracing over changbin’s jaw. changbin shuddered and hyunjin drew back. his voice was barely above a hoarse whisper.
“i can hear your rapidly beating heart. i can feel the tightness in your chest. i can sense your fear. tell me, changbin, are you scared?”
this time, changbin forced out a single “yes”, not wanting to mess with the devil in front of him. hyunjin giggled again as if the moment had never happened and changbin let out an uneasy breath, grabbing after whatever courage he still had.
“what-” he cut himself off, his voice wavering. he cleared his throat and hyunjin looked attentively at him. “what are you, though.”
hyunjin sighed. “you’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“never,” changbin replied, proud of himself for not stuttering. hyunjin scrunched up his face in a grimace and changbin thought, for a split second, that he looked human. changbin found himself relaxing ever so slightly.
“well,” hyunjin drawled, “for now we can say that i am a mermaid, if that sates your curiosity.”
changbin bit his lip, wanting to pull out his notebook from his pocket and write every word down. but he didn’t, not wanting to risk bringing out that dangerous side of hyunjin again. changbin wasn’t even going to question that mermaids exist at this point and decided to be bold when he met hyunjin’s eyes, seeing the amusement in them. “it really doesn’t, but it’ll do for now.”
hyunjin let out a short, sharp laugh. “for now? who are you to think we’ll meet again, or that i would ever tell you what i truly am?”
changbin took a deep breath. “i will find you at this beach again and every time i will ask you what you are, until i get a truthful answer.”
hyunjin fell silent, sinking back a little over the pier edge. a flash of panic hit changbin, accompanied by the thought ‘did i push too far?’. then hyunjin grinned.
“i like you, changbin. you can stay alive for now.”
he began lowering himself back into the water when changbin let out a short yell, scrambling forward. hyunjin stopped with only his hands and head visible. “what?”
changbin felt a blush rising on his cheeks again. “can- can i maybe… maybe… do you have a tail? like, a mermaid tail?”
hyunjin stared blankly at him. “...yes?”
“can i see it?” changbin breathed, feeling ridiculous. who even asked something like that? but hyunjin nodded once and sunk out of sight. changbin grinned before hurrying to the edge, looking out into the water. it wasn’t until his head was over the edge that he realised that hyunjin could easily drown him at that moment, but the next thing he saw cleared all thoughts in his head.
hyunjin was under the water on his back, pale skin fading into a long, deep red mermaid tail. the scales that were hit by moonlight glittered and changbin saw that the end of it- the fin? changbin didn’t know what to call it- was lighter, curling in the water like thin fabric. changbin breathed out a “woah” and hyunjin winked before he moved his tail. then he was gone, the surface of the water barely rippling.
changbin sat in silence for a moment before kicking into motion.
his hasty sketch made the real deal absolutely no justice.
--- --- ---
hyunjin giggled quietly to himself as he swam through the water. the human -hyunjin refused to use his name any more than necessary- was a funny one. hyunjin knew the human was scared of him, yet he didn’t stop coming to the beach and hyunjin found it interesting.
a deep-sea mer passed by, hyunjin easily ducking out of its path. the hollow eyes stared at him before it floated away, making lazy strokes with its unnaturally long and skinny arms. its ghostly white tail was still and hyunjin rolled his eyes as he flicked his own tail, taking him far away from the mer.
if hyunjin had to choose between the deep-sea mers or the human, he’d be on land by now.
he wasn’t going to say that to anyone, though. especially not to his pod or his boss. hyunjin shook his head to clear it of thoughts as he swam deeper, the dark water becoming cloudy with the dark ashes from the hydrothermal vents running along the ocean floor. hyunjin coughed when he swam through one of the plumes, the heat coming from it burning at his skin.
he shuddered when the cold water cooled him down again, hyunjin longing until he could curl up in his pod’s old lava tunnel and take nap. at least until nightfall, when he would swim back up to the surface and search for more tainted souls.
maybe he’d see the human again. hyunjin entertained the thought for a moment as he passed through a swarm of fishes. they scattered and hyunjin saw one swim too close to another deep-sea mer, that quickly lashed out and caught it before going back to lazily drifting around between the tall vents.
hyunjin banished the thoughts of the human as he reached the edge of his pod’s tunnel, gripping the uneven edge and pulling himself into it. the walls around him were warm and he smiled as he used the corals to drag himself forward, the space to narrow for him to use his tail properly.
then the tunnel widened and hyunjin swam into the small, empty magma chamber. in the faint light of glowing corals, he could see that minho and seungmin were already curled up along the walls, in the natural hollows and shelves that made for perfect sleeping spaces.
“you smell like human, jinnie. why do you smell like human?”
hyunjin rolled his eyes as jisung swam past him, curling his body and tail around hyunjin. he grinned widely as he reached out and caught hyunjin’s hand, bringing it close to his face. jisung managed to sniff hyunjin’s hand before hyunjin ripped it away, grimacing and wiggling in jisung’s hold. “don’t do that, you nasty eel.”
“you touched one of them!” jisung cackled, ignoring hyunjin’s insult, voice filled with glee as hyunjin’s cheeks heated up. “you touched one, but it wasn’t to take them!”
jisung let go of hyunjin, swimming around him in small circles instead. hyunjin let out a disgruntled noise as jisung flicked his tail and accidentally smacked hyunjin with it. he knew he should have been more careful. but the human was so interesting. he shouldn’t have touched the human. his fingertips were still addictively warm. he shouldn’t-
“what’s going on here?”
hyunjin spun around to see chan drag himself through the opening with only one arm, the other dragging something that smelled delicious behind him. jisung was faster than hyunjin, already by chan’s side and pulling him into the chamber. a body floated behind him, faint strands of blood fading in the water around it.
“oh my god.” hyunjin barely had time to react as minho swept past him, hands digging into the corpse. minho ran his tongue over sharp teeth. “the soul is still intact and tainted.”
“i better get the biggest share- it was a whole job getting her off the boat, and don’t even get me started on keeping the mers away.” chan smacked minho’s hands when they came too near, pulling the body closer to himself. hyunjin sniggered at minho’s disappointed face.
a tail smacking into hyunjin’s distracted him from minho trying to plead his way to a better piece of the body, a hand gripping hyunjin’s. jisung grinned up at hyunjin, fingernails digging into hyunjin’s skin. jisung floated up until he was close to hyunjin’s ear, hyunjin completely still.
“we haven’t finished talking about the mysterious human scent yet,” jisung whispered before shooting off, joining minho in pestering chan. hyunjin remained in place, slowly sinking down in the water as he stopped consciously keeping himself up. he watched how minho and jisung cheered when chan tore into the dead human’s throat, the sound of cracking bones echoing in the chamber.
i shouldn’t have touched him. i shouldn’t have talked to him. i shouldn’t have shown myself to him. i just made changbin’s life so much harder-
“here,” another quiet voice whispered, almost masked by the sound of jisung helping chan tear the head off the body, minho ripping the torso to shreds. hyunjin blinked as seungmin pressed a fish skin into hyunjin’s hand. the scales were still a little slimy and hyunjin glanced down at it, wondering why in the world seungmin had it. seungmin rolled his eyes and hissed a short explanation between his teeth, before swimming closer to the thickening cloud of red blood and flesh pieces.
“rub it over your hands, it’ll mask the human scent.”
--- --- ---
“where have you been?”
changbin froze the moment he stepped through the door, knowing he was in trouble going only off the cold tone of his mother’s voice. he swallowed thickly before straightening up, hesitant to meet her eyes. why was she already awake? the clock couldn’t be more than three in the morning- he hadn’t been gone for long.
“changbin. i asked you a question.”
he kicked off his shoes in an attempt to buy himself time, but his mother cleared her throat and he knew he had no choice but to answer her. “i was…. i was at the beach.” and i finally got at least one answer.
he looked up and his mother stared at him for what seemed like ages, face emotionless and eyes unreadable. then she smiled softly and changbin set his jaw against the hurricane of disappointment he knew would come. “binnie. my dear binnie.”
she took a deep breath and changbin held his. he wished he never left the beach. he almost wished hyunjin hadn’t left so he had a reason to stay there.
“why,” his mother began, slowly, “why, dear son, were you at the beach in the middle of the night? the beach, which i have specifically told you multiple times you are not allowed to go to until school is out for the year?”
changbin stammered indignantly when she looked expectantly at him, one plucked eyebrow raised and arms crossed. she was still wearing her pyjamas, he noted. “it was for a school assignment-”
“nonsense.” she was furious now, ice breaking to reveal white-hot fire. she pointed her finger at him and hissed, “you will not blame your rebelliousness on the school.” her voice softened. “where did i go wrong? haven’t i lead you right in life?”
“mom-” changbin gritted his teeth. he loved his mom, he really did, but sometimes.
“do not interrupt me,” she snapped and let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand over her face, mumbling another ‘where did i go wrong?’ Changbin nearly rolled his eyes. “look, son, i will let it slide this once, only if you come with me to morning mass…” she glanced down at her watch. “today. as a punishment you will start to get breakfast ready and don’t even think about taking any naps.”
changbin nodded silently, wanting nothing but for this to be over. if he opened his mouth he would let out the anger simmering just under his skin and it would do him no good. “but-” he began, not able to stop himself when his mother turned away. she stilled, slowly raising her chin into the air.
“but what, changbin?”
“...nothing.” he bit his tongue. his fingernails dug into his palms. any good emotions from his meeting with hyunjin had left him at this point, replaced by a dark bitterness that sluggishly moved through his veins. his mother nodded with finality, giving him a look over her shoulder.
“that’s what i thought. now, i will resume my sleep and you will have breakfast ready for your father before he has to leave again tomorrow.”
changbin barely kept the sneer off his face as his mother walked up the stairs, leaving him alone on the bottom floor. can’t even keep dad around for a whole night, can you? he shook his head a moment later, only a small fraction of him regretting the comment.
he heard the door upstairs close and he turned to the kitchen with a sigh. breakfast wasn’t going to make itself, no matter how bitter changbin now was about it.
--- --- ---
he could see the ocean from his bedroom window. it had always been there and he’d never given it much thought before.
changbin winced when his chair banged against the floor and he threw himself into it. He stared blankly at the ocean- the glittering blues and greys behind the many buildings and trees. changbin guessed he could count himself lucky for having a house so much higher up than everyone else’s, giving him a near-perfect view of the ocean.
his jaw wasn’t clenched but his teeth were gnashing against each other, his limbs heavy and head filled with fog. he let out a humourless huff, not able to produce an actual laugh. his head tipped back and changbin stared at the ceiling.
morning mass had been a complete failure. changbin’s whole week had been a failure.
his father had barely spared him a glance when he rushed around to get ready to leave at half-past four on a sunday morning. his mother hadn’t gotten up yet by the time his father left.
she had driven them to church, pinching his hand or subtly elbowing him in the side whenever he was about to fall asleep. could anyone blame him, though? he hadn’t slept for at least twenty-four hours and the entire night had been run on adrenaline.
he was nearly late for school on monday because of the lack of sleep, dragging himself through classes and declining any invitation to hang out from his friends. he had homework to do and a mother to please.
the only, only, bright thing was his math teacher handing back tests. he was the only one in his class who scored a perfect hundred; his mother gave him a pat on the shoulder and a “well done!”
mrs. kim had also told him she was impressed by his sketch and attention to details when he showed her the drawing of hyunjin’s tail and fin.
hyunjin.
changbin smiled to himself, for the first time that week feeling anything besides nothing. maybe, just maybe, he liked hyunjin after all. but it had been a long time since changbin saw him last.
his smile fell.
“did you hear, binnie?” his mother hissed when she started the car, in no hurry to leave the church at all. “mrs. park’s son was caught kissing another boy last night. no wonder she was going extra hard during the prayers.”
changbin hummed, not wanting to give her a verbal answer. she continued on, finally pulling out of the parking lot. “even thinking about liking, wanting- kissing boys is sinful, changbin! never even think about it, or you'll go to hell!”
not that he had actually wanted to kiss any guys before- or girls for that matter. none of the ones he’d met had been interesting enough. but could he say he didn’t find guys attractive as well? no. it would be a lie to say he didn’t. especially hyunjin, no matter how much he tried to deny it.
his mother would kill him if she found out, but changbin couldn’t help but miss hyunjin.
which was stupid. he’d only met hyunjin a handful of times, none of them particularly long. but there was still a hollow aching in his chest that only left when hyunjin was flashing sharp-toothed smiles in changbin’s direction.
changbin raised his head again and stared out at the strip of ocean he could see. he tried to swallow through the thick lump that now filled up his throat. his mother had made sure he had been busy all week. this -a late friday afternoon when he was supposed to do homework- was the first moment he had been allowed for himself.
he hated it.
all he could think about was the suffocating pressure his mother now put on him and the intense want to see hyunjin again. to talk to someone who wasn’t so fake in who they are. because hyunjin wasn’t fake, was he. he’d made it pretty damn clear that he was something else, he just hadn’t said explicitly what that something else is. he didn’t try to convince changbin anything else.
that’s what changbin needed at the moment. he needed to talk to hyunjin- he needed the taste of danger that came with being so close to the water.
changbin stood with a start, furiously wiping the few tears that spilled over his cheeks. he had to get out.
he snatched a book bag from a hook by his door and stuffed it with a few books from a shelf, pulling on a jacket and swinging the bag over his shoulder. his mother was in the living room. the tv was on, but she was walking around instead of watching it, moving objects and dusting off decorative pieces.
“mom?” changbin stood straighter when she turned around. “can i go to the library and return these books? i would also like to remain there until closing time so i have enough resources for my essays.” he held up the bag and waited.
his mother looked him up and down before nodding, turning away. “don’t stay out too late. message me if you stay past dinner.”
“thank you. i will.”
changbin fled.
the book bag hit his hip with every other step he took. he knew his mother would be watching from the living room windows and set off in the direction of the library, away from the beach. every step pained him but then he was out of sight from his house and changbin turned onto another road, steps quickening until he was running back towards the ocean.
the fog in his head was already lifting, thinning out with every step. a new kind of light burned through changbin’s veins and it only grew stronger the closer to the beach he came.
he slowed down again at some point, seeing as the sun hadn’t set yet and hyunjin probably wouldn’t show up until after dark when everyone else had left.
changbin grinned. he couldn’t wait.
--- --- ---
“let’s make a deal. i’ll help you with that school assignment if you answer a question of mine as well.” hyunjin watched changbin already bring his notebook out, nodding quickly.
“yeah, deal. what do you wanna know?” changbin flipped the notebook open, pen poised over the page.
“there’s really only one thing i’m wondering about.” hyunjin trailed a cold finger over changbin’s other arm, tracing the same patterns he had traced multiple times now already. “why are you so obsessed with finding out what i am?”
changbin laughed quietly, revelling in the way the moonlight shone on hyunjin- shone on his smile. they had been talking for about an hour now, much to changbin’s joy, even if he hadn’t gotten much closer to the truth about hyunjin. “you intrigue me.”
“i shouldn’t. i am,” hyunjin pushed himself up, closer to changbin’s face -dear god, just kiss me- “dangerous.”
he slipped down into the water again, giggling faintly, leaving changbin hanging over the pier edge. changbin’s eyes were frozen wide, heart both racing and completely still in his chest. what the hell-
“changbin?” hyunjin’s giggles faded out and he frowned, but changbin showed no reaction. what the fuck did i just think? he swallowed harshly before his eyes flitted over hyunjin’s face, meeting his eyes. why did hyunjin seem worried? changbin croaked out the first thing that crossed his mind.
“you’re- you’re my fish friend.” yep. changbin wasn’t proud of that one, but he was proud of managing to put such a confused look on hyunjin’s face. he decided to shove his treacherous thoughts into the back of his mind, locking them behind heavy bars.
hyunjin flicked water at changbin’s face. “what did you just call me, you heathen?”
“fish friend. you heard me!”
--- --- ---
hyunjin cursed. the fish skin was nasty, but jisung picking up a human scent on his hands, nonetheless the same human’s scent, would lead to no good for anyone. shame, because changbin smelled so good. hyunjin just really hoped seungmin told the truth about the skin hiding the scent.
speaking of the devil- seungmin came swimming at that moment, startling hyunjin into nearly dropping the fish skin. he snorted and whacked his tail against hyunjin. a faint glow wrapped around him before shooting off into the water. “you should be more careful. what if i were someone else?”
“i hate you,” hyunjin grumbled and wiped the skin over his arms for good measure. seungmin rolled his eyes, plucking the skin from between hyunjin’s fingers with ease and ignoring the small complaining noise hyunjin made.
hyunjin watched with narrowed eyes as seungmin began rubbing the skin over his hands. why would he do that? “you love me, you overgrown dolphin. besides, if it wasn’t for me you’d have your fin busted by now. you’re not subtle.”
“oh, what do you know, then?” hyunjin challenged and watched how seungmin dropped the fish skin, letting it sink deep into the open blue. when it was almost out of sight, a shadow swam past and swallowed it. hyunjin grimaced at the shadow as it swam away. seungmin laughed at his face and took his hand, tugging on him until hyunjin swam after seungmin. there was no idea in asking where they were going- the glowing light trail would take them to the closest shore with a human on it.
“well, i know that it was a while since you first came back smelling like that one human. but don’t worry, i don’t mind. there’s a reason i know about the fish skin hiding scents.” hyunjin reeled at the sudden confession.
“you-”
“we have to hurry- boss is waiting and you spent half the night talking to someone,” seungmin interrupted hyunjin. he was only teasing; hyunjin could tell by his voice, but the comment still cut into him. he had spent half the night talking to changbin, after all. when he was supposed to do his job, with seungmin. a bitter sense of shame spread through his chest and he lowered his head, staring into the open waters below them.
“his name’s changbin. don’t tell anyone.”
seungmin froze besides him but hyunjin continued swimming, leaving seungmin behind. he’d only gotten a couple of meters before seungmin regained his senses, catching up with hyunjin in no time. he clung to hyunjin’s arm, forcing him to slow down. “why would you tell me?”
“are you implying it was a mistake to do so?”
seungmin didn’t respond and they picked up their speed, swimming side by side towards land. hyunjin occasionally stole glances of seungmin but seungmin continued to face forward, eyebrows drawn and lips pursed.
“how many are we taking tonight?” hyunjin mumbled when he was able to make out the seafloor, steadily climbing up towards the shore. seungmin finally looked at him, swatting away a fish that was too slow in moving out of the way.
“one each. doesn’t matter if they’re tainted or not. and maybe we can help ourselves to a nightly snack.” seungmin grinned, speeding up when lights flickered above the surface and the strong concrete poles of docks speared the water.
hyunjin slowed down. the water barely rippled around his shoulders when he broke the surface, spotting seungmin just ahead of him. the dock stretched out above them, shielding them both from view, so hyunjin took a moment to look around.
he hadn’t been here before. large rocks lined the shore, a few lights lighting up the land further away from the water. most of the rocks were left in darkness. perfect conditions to take the lone human soul hyunjin saw sitting on the rocks, but seungmin wasn’t moving any closer.
hyunjin frowned but prepared to do his job anyway, giggling quietly to gain the human’s attention. seungmin whipped around in a split second, staring at hyunjin with wide eyes. he was pale, lips tightly pursed.
hyunjin cut his giggling when the human’s head snapped up, looking out over the water. seungmin dove back underwater and hyunjin narrowed his eyes at the small splashing sound that followed. seungmin knew better than to make unnecessary noise like that.
“minnie?”
hyunjin’s eyes widened the moment he was dragged under the surface by seungmin slamming into him and wrapping his arms around hyunjin. in the time it took for hyunjin to blink once, they were already far out from shore. seungmin slowed down until they were still in the water, but his arms remained wrapped around hyunjin’s waist.
“i’m sorry about that,” seungmin mumbled not long after, breaking the silence between them. “we had to leave. i’m sure you understand.”
hyunjin blinked a few times, fighting off curious thoughts. “i’m not sure i do.”
seungmin loosened his hold on hyunjin, floating back until he could face him. hyunjin tilted his head to the side, waiting for seungmin to confirm his theories. seungmin sighed, dragging his hands over his face.
“his name’s jeongin. don’t tell anyone.”
--- --- ---
saturday. changbin had refrained from going to the beach, just because his mother had been watching him like a hawk when he came home late.
sunday. his punishment was apparently not over and his mother had dragged him to church again, then putting him to work back at the house. changbin had deep cleaned everything, falling into bed early after dinner and passing out immediately.
monday. the beach had been empty and changbin had waited for as long as he could, but hyunjin didn’t show up. changbin walked home with a heavy heart.
tuesday. news about a boat sinking and five people dying spread through the town. changbin turned down an invitation to hang out with his friends, but hyunjin didn’t show up that day either so he only regretted it a little.
wednesday. he turned in the first draft of his story to mrs. kim. changbin was slightly disappointed when she said it was good, but that he could make it better. changbin didn’t stop by the beach in favour of catching up on his homework instead.
thursday.
the dirty teddy bear stared up a changbin. changbin stared back. he chewed on his lip, contemplating his next step. the teddy bear continued to stare blankly at him. the small beady eyes were barely visible in the fake fur, only noticeable by how they sometimes gleamed when the falling sun hit the black glass.
it had been there in the morning as well when changbin was walking to school instead of taking the bus. the fact that it was now evening and it was still there told changbin that no one was missing it.
“this is so stupid,” he mumbled under his breath. he looked away from the teddy bear left in the middle of the sidewalk, taking a few steps away before stopping. guilt gnawed at him and he turned with a groan, stomping back to the teddy bear. he hoped nobody would see him.
he crouched down and poked at one of the stuffed arms. the teddy bear’s stare remained impassive.
“well, i can’t just leave you here now. you’re all dirty.” changbin scooped up the teddy bear and bunched up his lips. there was nowhere for him to put the teddy bear by the side of the road, unless he wanted to put it back on the ground that was still wet and muddy from the previous rainfall.
changbin sighed and hugged the teddy bear closer when he began walking. it was only a twenty minutes walk left now, past the beach and up to his house.
“should i?” changbin glanced down at the teddy bear when he reached the path to the beach. he could hear a few kids laughing loudly, but also their parents yelling at them that it was time to leave soon. that meant the beach would be empty, and an empty beach meant that hyunjin might appear.
changbin hoisted his bag further upon his shoulder and readjusted his grip on the teddy bear. he was going to the beach, and he was going to talk to hyunjin again.
his steps felt unnaturally light as he walked through the sand, passing families and friends that were going back home, unaware of the butterflies fluttering around in his chest. changbin squeezed the teddy bear a little tighter.
it took an hour before changbin heard something in the water- faint rippling followed by soft laughter. changbin frowned. that didn’t sound like hyunjin.
“jinnie?” changbin stood up from his spot in the sand and moved closer to the water.
the laugh was louder now and definitely not hyunjin. changbin froze, dropping his bag and the teddy bear in the sand next to him. a low tune reached him, someone humming an unfamiliar song.
changbin’s legs moved without his consent, taking him out into the water. his muddled mind barely registered the water soaking through his shoes, reaching to his knees after only a few seconds. the tune grew in strength and then changbin could see the boy, his head and shoulders visible above the water.
“come closer,” the boy hummed, words hooking into changbin and pulling him closer, body going numb when the cold water bit into him. he was so close to the boy now, water lapping around his shoulders.
the boy moved towards changbin, laughing quietly again. “you think hyunjin isn’t that bad, don’t you?”
hyunjin? how does this boy know about hyunjin?
“you don’t know who he is, really. you should be scared, but you aren't. you think he won’t ever hurt you, don’t you?” the boy laughed louder, raising a hand above water to curl his finger towards changbin in a come here gesture. and changbin did come closer, coughing when a wave hit him in the face and water filled his mouth.
he was about to back up when an icy hand gripped his wrist, the boy suddenly so close that changbin could make out each long, sharp tooth that showed when the boy grinned. “i’ll show you what he really is.”
changbin’s eyes widened when he was harshly dragged underwater, long fingernails digging into his skin and an arm wrapping around his neck, pulling him away from the safety of land.
memories flashed before his eyes, the sight of hyunjin luring someone off the pier, the news reporting on people drowning. white-hot fear burned through his veins. changbin was going to be next. he would die today. he would drown today.
and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
he began kicking and thrashing, doing anything to get out of the boy’s hard grip. changbin’s lungs ached. his eyes were tightly shut and the world felt distorted. changbin only knew that he was being dragged down, down, down.
the arm around his neck tightened and changbin opened his mouth, letting out a grumbled noise that died out when water filled up his throat. bright lights flickered across his vision.
and then the boy holding him let go, nails dragging over changbin’s skin and making him tumble around in the water. changbin forced his eyes open and could vaguely see two shaped slamming into each other, a garbled and twisted “leave!” reaching his ears.
then changbin was sinking and there was only one shape, coming closer and closer. changbin’s lungs screamed after air and he opened his mouth to breathe in, water be damned, when a hand was pressed over both his mouth and nose.
a strong arm was wrapped around his chest when he began struggling weakly and changbin was once again dragged by someone, hanging limp in their arms as darkness began invading his sight. this time they were swimming faster, changbin’s clothes being strained and a shoe falling off from the increased force.
they burst through the surface and changbin caught a glimpse of the moon before he blacked out.
---- --- ---
hyunjin gritted his teeth, sweat being washed away by the water around him and the muscles in his tail burning by the time he could safely let go off changbin. he gently lowered him into the sand, water washing up around changbin's waist.
hating the fact that he couldn’t take changbin higher up onto land, hyunjin focused all his energy onto the water filling changbin’s lungs. he had to fight time, knowing just how little of it drowning required to kill someone.
hyunjin’s arm ached from where jisung had scratched him, the blood trailing over his skin in lacy patterns now that the water wasn’t washing it away anymore.
the blood in his veins itched when he pressed his hands against changbin’s chest and found the water, hissing as he began guiding it out of changbin’s lungs. a drop of sweat trickled down hyunjin’s face, but he barely noticed it.
hyunjin let out a breathless sigh of relief when water ran in small rivers from changbin’s mouth and onto the wet sand under them. his skin burned, faint green glowing following his veins and cracking his rapidly drying skin. but hyunjin’s eyes caught on the bruises already forming on changbin’s neck instead of his own arms and he sneered, cursing mentally at jisung for hurting the human.
“come on,” hyunjin huffed, pressing down harder on changbin’s chest to get the last drops of water out and forcing air back in. hyunjin broke the powers he held the split second he knew changbin’s lungs were filled with air, removing his hands from changbin’s chest. the crackling and flaking skin began mending the moment the glow in his veins faded.
there was no reaction, no movement from changbin. hyunjin could see that he wasn’t breathing and everything was too loud in his ears to hear if changbin’s heart was still beating.
“no, no, no, no, no,” hyunjin breathed out frantically, dragging himself over the sand and closer to changbin’s head. “changbin- binnie, come on, wake up.”
hyunjin rested changbin’s head on one arm, changbin’s cheek laying against hyunjin’s chest so that hyunjin hopefully could feel him start to breathe. he let his other hand hover above changbin’s chest again, searching for anything that could tell him why he wasn’t breathing. “come on, you can’t leave me like this, please-”
but hyunjin found nothing out of the ordinary as his skin slowly dried up again, the side effects of using the ancient powers already cracking down on him in the form of long splits appearing on his skin, raw and stinging.
he winced at a particularly deep crack forming, the first one to draw blood, and he knew he had to give up. he’d fade away himself if he kept going.
“god, fuck-” hyunjin tilted his head back, his whole body sagging when he stopped fighting. changbin remained still in his arms. the whole world seemed still for a moment, every sound reduced to background noise. he closed his eyes, holding changbin closer as if it would help. “i’m so sorry-”
but then some otherworldly deity seemed to take pity on them.
hyunjin startled when changbin jerked to the side and coughed violently, drawing deep lungfuls of air that hurt to listen to, raspy and heavy. hyunjin let out a choked laugh, helping changbin up into a sitting position. he tried to not let the strong scent of fear suddenly filling the air bother him. “changbin? can you hear me?”
changbin took a few more deep breaths before he nodded shakily, hands coming up to hold onto hyunjin. “what,” he croaked, coughing again before continuing. “what happened?”
“you-” hyunjin laughed again, sweet relief spreading fast through him and he wrapped his arms properly around changbin, relishing in the feeling of him alive. “jisung. he tried to drown you- i’m so sorry-”
changbin put his hands on hyunjin’s chest and gently pushed him back, eyes wandering over his face. “are you okay?”
“am i? am i okay?” hyunjin gave changbin an unbelieving look. “you’re the one who nearly died.”
a faint smile passed over changbin’s lips. it almost worked in making him seem unbothered, but the lingering fear around them told hyunjin differently. “but you’re usually my stoic and mysterious fish friend. now you’re just my… sad and weepy fish friend. you’re being mushy.”
“what are you-” hyunjin cut himself off, shaking his head and smiling. “nevermind. you know, i’m glad you’re okay, binnie.”
he ignored the incredulous look he got from changbin and the whispered “it’s the first time you called me binnie, are you sure you’re okay?”
but the moment only lasted for so long, hyunjin remembering that they were still sitting in the water when changbin shivered. “you should go home. your parents will worry about you.”
changbin shook his head. “they really won’t.”
“i doubt that, but at least stay away from the beach, okay? i’m not sure how long jisung will stay away and i don’t want you to get hurt again, so please.”
“but-”
“please.”
changbin watched him in silence before nodding shortly once. he said nothing as he got up, stumbling and shaking on his weak legs. hyunjin did his best in supporting him, but it was hard when he had to remain in the water.
hyunjin refused to look away from changbin until he was out of the water and back on the beach, wringing out his shirt. “be careful, okay?” hyunjin called out and changbin gave him a smile. hyunjin could have sworn he melted, his heart skipping a beat.
“i will. you too, jinnie. be careful.”
hyunjin nodded and returned the smile with a large one. then he was slipping out into the water, swimming faster than he ever had before. anger started replacing relief the moment changbin was out his sight. anger at jisung. anger at the ocean. anger at everything.
he reached the entrance to their chamber tunnel in record time. his blood was practically boiling in his veins and dead corals were tearing at the skin on his palms as he got through the tunnel, not caring that changbin’s clearly human scent was all over him.
he only slowed down when he saw the end of the tunnel.
hyunjin took a deep breath, dragging himself through the last part of the narrow tunnel. he blinked when met with the faint light of glowing corals, pulling his tail inside the chamber as well. it was uncannily quiet until someone screamed.
“you traitor!”
hyunjin barely had time to face jisung before he barreled into hyunjin, the force putting them both on the uneven floor of the chamber. hyunjin heard his friends call their names in the background as jisung dug his nails into hyunjin’s skin, lifting him off the rocky floor and slamming him back down with a roar.
“let go of me!” hyunjin thrashed in jisung’s grip, hissing and snapping his teeth until he was able to free himself. jisung let out an angry yell when hyunjin shot off, slamming into the ceiling of their cavern and glaring down at jisung with bared teeth. he looked ready to attack again, tensing up.
“stop it, both of you!” chan’s voice rang out in the chamber, overpowering everyone else. hyunjin didn’t have time to think before seungmin was in front of him, minho and chan holding down a struggling jisung.
“what has gotten into you?” seungmin growled down at jisung, who freed one of his arms and pointed accusingly at hyunjin.
“he’s fucking with a human! he saved a human!” jisung shrieked, again trying to fling himself at hyunjin. the hand he pointed with began clawing after him, minho forcefully restraining him after only a few seconds. hyunjin sneered, holding onto seungmin.
“i am not-”
“don’t bullshit me,” jisung seethed. “oh, changbinnie, i love you so, i’m so sorry jisung tried to drown you and stay away from the water for a while because i love you and don’t want you to get hurt even if it’s literally my job to kill humans. but you’re a special little frail human because i love you. i heard you, i heard every little word you said after you thought i left. you thought that it will all work out? that you could hide it from us? well, you. are. wrong!”
deadly silence followed. hyunjin was rigid, holding onto seungmin’s arm so tightly he was sure his nails would pierce skin. chan and minho were staring at jisung.
“so what?” it was seungmin that broke the silence, his tone defensive. jisung’s eyes snapped to him, finally leaving hyunjin. seungmin pressed his back against hyunjin, taking his hand when chan and minho also turned to face him.
jisung narrowed his eyes. “what do you mean?”
seungmin sighed shakily and hyunjin could only guess that he rolled his eyes. “what i mean is what does it matter that we’re talking to humans?”
“we’re?”
seungmin ignored minho. “it’s not hurting anyone. hyunjin can continue to talk to changbin and i can continue talking to jeongin. it won’t affect you, so why are you so against it?” his voice rose towards the end, frustration bleeding into every word. jisung bristled.
“it will affect me. it will affect all of us, in maybe eighty years, or even less. you should cut it before you get hurt.” jisung sounded like he had to fight to maintain the edge in his voice, but the longer he spoke the softer his words became. “eighty years will pass in seconds for us. they will grow old and die and it will hurt so much. why do you even think the boss said we can’t interact with humans outside our job? because it’ll stop us from doing a good job after they die. because all you will see is their faces and you’ll only hear their voices and you’ll only want to die yourself, just to not have to deal with pain.”
chan untangled his arms from around jisung, letting his slide down onto the floor. he pressed his hands over his eyes, tail curling up under him. minho sank down next to him and gently wrapped his arms around jisung, brushing his fingers through jisung’s hair.
“ji?” minho mumbled when a small sob was heard, followed by another. jisung shook his head when chan also sunk down on the other side of him, a hand ending up on jisung’s shoulder.
“once. just once. i fell in love with a human.” jisung let out a shaky, empty laugh. “it was so long ago -almost a century- but it still hurts so much every time i think about it.”
“you don’t have to tell us, ji,” chan hushed him, but jisung shook his head again, a soft smile on his lips.
“his name was felix- he liked to swim close to where i used to live and i loved to watch him each time, and then i talked to him. he was so nice and we met up almost every day…” jisung’s face clouded over and his voice turned emotionless.
“hey-” seungmin tried, voice soft. jisung curled in on himself.
“the last time i saw felix he’d swam too far out from land. accidents happens and i tried to get him back but it was too late for me to help him. i tried, i tried for so long, but i started drying out and had to stop. and then- people started coming to the beach and i had to leave and i never found out if he made it or not and there hasn’t been a single day when i haven’t missed him. i- i should have turned him.” he whispered the last sentence. minho hugged him closer.
“jisung…” hyunjin swallowed harshly, something akin to guilt creeping through his veins when he realised just how lucky he’d been. and how angry he still was at jisung for risking changbin like that. he began inching towards the tunnel out of the chamber. “i’m sorry. i really am. i- i have to go. to make sure changbin’s okay. yeah. i’m sorry.”
no one said anything when he escaped, jisung’s cries following as he dragged himself through the tunnel and out into open waters. i should have turned him. hyunjin shuddered. he barely remembered when he himself was turned.
only pain, so much pain, tearing his skin and breaking his bones, ripping him to shreds and sewing him back together with a needle dipped in acid.
at some point not long ago, he had stopped wondering how anyone could do that to someone else, filled with anger towards whoever decided he was worthy of eternal life in the sea. and now he could relate to jisung. the thought of changbin one day no longer coming to the beach made his stomach turn.
they will grow old and die and it will hurt so much.
he sped up, swallowing down the lump in his throat. if he knew changbin right, he would still be at the beach, even when hyunjin told him to stay away.
hyunjin followed whatever inner compass he had that always led him back to the beach and to changbin. he resurfaced not long after, immediately spotting changbin sitting on the edge of the pier, writing furiously in that notebook of his.
hyunjin fondly rolled his eyes. of course changbin would write down his near death experience. something lied next to him on the pier and hyunjin focused on that instead of changbin’s face.
“what’s that?” hyunjin gripped the edge of the pier and pulled himself up. changbin jumped, letting out a startled noise and fumbling with his pen. hyunjin giggled at his disgruntled expression. his clothes were still damp.
“it’s a teddy bear. i found him on the road earlier,” changbin grumbled and put down his notebook. his voice was more gravelly than usual and hyunjin winced when he cleared his throat.
“i’m sorry about jisung trying to… you know… drown you,” hyunjin said, rubbing the back of his neck. changbin snorted.
“it’s okay,” he mumbled, but hyunjin could tell from the dull sound of his quickly beating heart and the still strong scent of fear surrounding him that it certainly wasn’t okay. hyunjin frowned, and for once decided to use some of his song to get an honest answer out of changbin, instead of hoping he’d answer on his own.
“are you okay?” hyunjin spun the words with as much hidden song as he could, the only ancient forces that he could easily channel swiftly working their way into changbin’s mind, diminishing apprehensions and barriers. changbin shook his head, pupils slightly enlarged.
“i’m scared,” he whispered and hyunjin let the song fade. changbin swallowed thickly, reaching for the teddy bear and holding it close to his chest. changbin chewed on his bottom lip, looking down at his feet. “hyunjin?”
“yeah?”
“can you just... be honest with me. what are you? please.” changbin put the teddy bear in his lap, playing with the tiny arms as he refused to look at hyunjin. hyunjin took a deep breath. he knew he should answer honestly. but he also knew that changbin would most likely leave and never see him again.
you’ll only want to die yourself, just to not have to deal with pain.
jisung was right, in some ways, hyunjin realised. he should cut it before he got hurt. before hyunjin outlived changbin. before he got too attached. something stung deep inside him and he knew it was too late already.
he was already too attached. there was nothing he could do now but tell him the truth, right? he can’t continue keeping the truth away from changbin forever.
“i’m a demon. jisung is a demon. we feed off drowned humans.” hyunjin’s voice was weak and he refused to look at changbin when he stared at hyunjin.
“i’m not surprised.” changbin sounded frail as well and hyunjin ached when he smelled the spike of fear in the air around them.
“you’re scared,” hyunjin stated simply, not missing the way that changbin shifted. “you know, right? you know that i can kill you in a second if i wanted to. drag you under, just like jisung.”
“but you won’t,” changbin sounded confident in his reply, but the fear around him didn’t diminish. hyunjin snorted.
“how do you know that?”
changbin shrugged. “you would have done it already. i just- why did jisung do that if he knew i am friends with you? because i know that he knew.”
hyunjin sighed and reached up to trail his fingers over changbin’s arm. “considering the story he told me, i’d say he wanted to protect me from future heartbreak in his own twisted way.”
the sound of a pen against paper immediately followed and hyunjin giggled. changbin huffed out a small laugh of his own. “it didn’t seem like a very considerate method to use, though.”
“no, no it wasn’t.” hyunjin shook his head, a smile playing on his lips when changbin reached out to run his fingers through hyunjin’s hair. eighty years will pass in seconds for us. his smile faded. “changbin…”
he got a hum back. “the thing is,” hyunjin began, swallowing down a lump that was forming in his throat. “i’m not actually allowed to be talking to you this way. jisung was- is right. we should stop talking to each other.”
changbin’s hand stilled in his hair. “what do you mean?”
“i’m immortal, changbin. you’re human. you’ll grow old and die and i’ll just have to watch as you one day vanish from my life. i don’t- i don’t want that to happen. i’m so selfish and i’ve probably not shown it enough, but i actually really like you and i don’t want to lose you.”
changbin remained silent, but his hand slowly started carding through hyunjin’s hair again. hyunjin waited to see if changbin wanted to say anything before he continued. “i think- i think it would be best for both of us if you forget about me and stop coming to the beach, or…”
“...or?” changbin sounded hesitant, but hyunjin could pick up on the sweet scent of hope breaking through the haze of fear around them.
“or i turn you. make you into one of us. you’d become a sea demon too.” hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to face whatever reaction he’d get from changbin.
“what would that entail?” changbin mumbled after the thick silence between them passed, making it slightly easier for hyunjin to breathe.
“i’d have to take you to the bottom of the sea, deeper than any human can go, to the boss. to hell. you would- you would die, but be reborn as one of us. it will hurt. it will hurt so much.” hyunjin picked at a loose piece of concrete, throwing it over his shoulder once it was free from the pier. changbin hummed quietly and silence settled between them again. hyunjin couldn’t stand it, so he mumbled a low “but i’d be there for you.”
he finally looked up at changbin, giving him a strained smile. he didn’t want to admit it at first, but somewhere along the way during the weeks and their meetups, hyunjin had grown attached. changbin wasn’t otherworldly like hyunjin’s other friends, but there was something about him that simply made hyunjin fall so hard once he got to know him.
hyunjin could hear changbin’s heart beating hard in his chest, sense the growing scent of affection clearing the heavy fear. but changbin still wasn’t saying anything and hyunjin swallowed thickly, shuffling closer and carefully beginning to trail his fingers over changbin’s arm again, tracing patterns until he could take changbin’s hand.
“before you go home, i just want you to know,” hyunjin began, focusing his gaze on changbin’s hand. “you don’t have to decide now. and… the first time i saw you, i nearly did drown you.” he let out a small, empty laugh when changbin’s fingers twitched, almost unnoticeably pulling away from hyunjin. hyunjin bit back against the pain the action brought on.
“i’m glad i didn’t, though. when i thought that i’d lost you, i…” hyunjin trailed off, shaking his head. “look, changbin, i don’t want to affect your decision in any way, but you should know that- i realised that-” he took a deep breath, forcing his heart out of his throat and back into his chest. “i love you.”
silence. silence, but hyunjin could hear the muffled sound of changbin’s heart beating faster.
hyunjin flinched when changbin ripped his hand away, scrambling to get up. hyunjin’s face fell and he watched as changbin hoisted his bag over his shoulder, hugging the teddy bear close to his chest. the hand hyunjin just held hung limply by his side.
“i need time to think,” changbin mumbled and hyunjin flinched again, not expecting him to say anything and just leave. “when- if i make the decision to go with you, how do i find you?”
--- --- ---
changbin expected to feel something when mrs. kim placed the papers containing his graded text in front of him. he wasn’t sure what- maybe joy? relief that the assignment was over? anything at all?
he huffed at himself, flipping the paper and frowning at the a drawn at the top. his mother would be overjoyed at another perfect grade, but changbin couldn’t help the bitter taste in the back of his throat.
three weeks.
three weeks since he last saw hyunjin, since he last visited the beach, since he last felt alive.
next to him, sohye -who he also shared history with- leaned over from her seat and peeked at his paper. she tapped his shoulder and changbin raised an eyebrow at her. “well done,” she grinned, giving him a thumbs up.
“thanks,” changbin forced a smile and looked back at his text, seeing the words but not reading them. when he just finished his text he’d been proud of it. it didn’t feel any less special now, just emptier.
every word reminded him of hyunjin and it hurt.
he was conflicted, mostly because he hadn’t allowed himself to think about the choice he had to make until now. he wanted to see hyunjin again, wanted to hold his hand and wanted to feel the thrill of being near someone so dangerous yet soft. but… to leave everything he knew behind? changbin wasn’t sure he could do that.
he shook his head and tuned out mrs. kim when she started to speak to the class again. instead of focusing on her, he picked up his notebook that contained every note, sketch or detail about hyunjin that he’d written down.
some of the pages were grainy from where they’d been soaked with ocean water, words melted together. he stopped at one of the last pages, fingertips tracing over a hasty sketch of a face.
i love you.
the smallest of smiles passed over changbin’s lips, something golden and light spreading through him. but he was given no more time to think about it before people were moving around him, emptying the classroom. changbin wondered if any of his classmates would notice if he was gone.
the first time i saw you, i nearly did drown you.
changbin shut his notebook and the world turned grey again, remaining that way throughout the rest of the school day. he took the bus home so he wouldn’t get any impulse to go to the beach. he wasn’t ready. not yet. besides, it was also raining and he didn’t feel like walking home.
his sister was already home, her shoes neatly placed beside the door to dry, right underneath her jacket. i’d have to leave it all behind. changbin bit his tongue at the unexpected sadness that washed over him. he did his best to shake it off, placing his shoes and jacket next to hers and going up the stairs.
her bedroom door was open and changbin could hear her typing inside, the sound mixing nicely with the rain outside. changbin paused in front of his own door after he’d opened it, simply listening. he could feel an oncoming headache, a dull aching filling his entire head.
the teddy bear sat on his bed. changbin had taken to putting it on his pillow every day now that he’d washed it. sometimes he still found small grains of sand from when he dropped it, though. he could have let his friend drown me. changbin gave the teddy bear a small smile. but he didn’t.
changbin remained standing outside his own door for long enough that he himself started to consider it weird, groaning before dropping his bag onto the floor.
he moved away from his room, hesitating outside his sister’s. he chewed on his lip as he knocked on the door frame. she hummed, the typing not stopping for a moment. changbin stepped inside and took a quick look around. her bed was made, her bookshelf in perfect order, not a single poster tacked onto the walls. only diplomas and other achievements.
“can i talk to you?” changbin mumbled, looking at his feet and the fluffy grey carpet he stood on. he got another vague hum in reply, typing pausing only to be replaced by the sound of book pages turning. the typing continued. changbin fidgeted with his sleeve, now watching his sister working at her desk.
“i have a problem,” he began, feeling like the words had to move through thick syrup before he could get them out. “there’s this person that i… i really like them, but if i want to see them again i’d have to start living a completely different life. i’m not sure if i can do that,” changbin whispered, recognising the burn of unshed tears behind his eyes.
“i’m not sure how i’m supposed to help.” his sister didn’t look away from her laptop. changbin let out a small laugh, his legs giving up on him and putting him on the floor.
the first tear rolled down his cheek and he put his head in his hands. “i know.” he tried to hold back a sob, drawing a shaky breath. she couldn’t help. “i know.”
“changbin?” he heard the desk chair scrape against the floor and felt his sister kneel next to him, hands hovering uncertainty above his shoulders. “hey, don’t cry. it’ll be alright, okay?”
changbin shook his head and curled in on himself, squeezing his watery eyes shut in a vain attempt to protect himself from everything. “it won’t. i’d have to-” die. i’d have to die. “-leave for so long. so, so long. it won’t be okay.”
“i-” changbin tensed when a pair of arms wrapped around him, his sister moving closer to him than she had in years. “i’m sorry, bin. is there anything i can do?”
no. changbin kept his mouth shut, uncurling from his balled-up position and turning. it felt strange to hug his sister again after so long -he couldn’t even remember the last time they’d hugged- but it also felt nice. she didn’t say anything, simply tightened her hold and started to gently sway them both from side to side.
“i just-” changbin let out another sob when she began to card her fingers through his hair, rubbing small circles on his back. “i just can’t tell if it’s worth it. i don’t want to- to disappoint anyone.”
“this is gonna sound so stupid, but what does your heart say? don’t care about anyone else for a second. what do you want to do?” changbin let out a half-hearted laugh through his tears, reaching up to wipe some of them away.
he didn’t have to think about it for long, resting his chin on his sister’s shoulder and whispering “they make me feel alive again.”
his sister hummed understandingly and changbin felt the emotions well up again, all the stress and fear and love and everything that he felt about hyunjin. his grip on his sister’s sweatshirt tightened and he scrunched up his face in a last attempt to fight off the tears, but they began rolling down his face anyway.
“i’m sorry,” he cried when he noticed the growing wet stain on her shoulder, but she only hushed him and hugged him closer, mumbling a “it’s okay, bin, you’ll be okay.”
so he cried.
he cried and he cried and he cried about losing hyunjin or losing his family, his friends- his life. every time he thought he was out of tears there would be a new wave of sadness, leaving him shaky from the intensiveness.
it should have been an easy choice and he knew that. who simply ups and leaves their family in favour of a boy they met only two or three months ago? but changbin couldn’t make the decision to stay on land yet.
and then he was out of tears, slumped against his sister on her bedroom floor, legs numb from sitting on them for so long. she noticed when he stopped crying and waited for a minute or two before gently shaking him. “hey,” she hummed. “why don’t you get changed and-”
“can i stay in here? we don’t need to talk, just- i don’t want to be alone,” changbin said, his voice hoarse and thick. he felt his sister nod before she leaned away from the hug to help him get up on unstable legs.
no words were exchanged as she led him to her bed and swiftly made him sit on it after she pulled back the covers. “wait here.” she stepped away and rummaged through her closet, closing it with a triumphant noise. she had a massive off-white sweatshirt in her hands, placing it in changbin’s lap. “it should be a little cosier than the school uniform,” she explained when he just looked at it.
“oh,” he placed it next to him and got to pulling off his shirt. “thank you.”
his sister waited until he had the sweater on and then she reached around him, wrapping the covers around him. she smiled. “i’ll get back to work now, but just tell me if you need anything, okay?”
changbin smiled back -a pale copy of her smile- and looked down at his hands. the long sleeves gave him sweaterpaws. “okay.”
the typing sound resumed, once again mixing with the muted rain. changbin yawned and leaned to the side until he could fall over and face-plant into a pillow, letting the sounds lull him into a sense of safety and security.
that’s how they remained -his sister at her desk and changbin on her bed- until their mother came home, later than usual. changbin could hear her look around in his room before poking her head into his sister’s room. “ah, there you are,” she said when she spotted changbin, stepping inside the room. “why are you in here, changbin?”
“he’s helping me with my report,” his sister answered for him, voice empty and clipped again. changbin’s throat tightened and he sat up, pulling the covers closer around himself. the feeling of safety was gone, so quickly that it was like it hadn’t existed at all. their mother sighed.
“that’s nice of him, but don’t you have any homework of your own, changbin?”
he nodded. “yes, but-”
“i’d like for you to be done with at least half of it before dinner, and that will be served in an hour. alright?”
“yes, mom,” changbin and his sister mumbled at the same time. changbin forced himself to uncurl his hands from where he’d tightened them into fists. his sister didn’t stop typing, but he noticed that the pressing of keys became a little harder, the noise louder and sharper.
their mother smiled. “good. love you both.”
is it worth staying?
changbin mumbled out a “love you, too,” before she left, leaving the door ajar after she disappeared down the hallway, presumably going back downstairs to prepare dinner. changbin sighed and pushed the warm covers off himself. he really, really didn’t want to go back to his own room and start with his physics assignment, but then he was on his feet.
but i’d be there for you.
he didn’t hurry as he made his sister’s bed, making sure it looked unused again. he didn’t want for his mother to come back and call them lazy for leaving the bed unmade. he sighed when he was done, knowing he had nothing else to do to stall, so he turned and began walking back to his own room.
“wait.”
changbin paused in the door opening at the same time the typing stopped. he looked over to his sister, but she didn’t look back. her hands were lying still on the keyboard and changbin could see them faintly shaking. her hair was covering her face, but changbin could tell that she was frowning.
“it’s up to you, but if i were you i’d leave.”
--- --- ---
by lunchtime, he had decided.
changbin couldn’t get his leg to stop bouncing as he waited for the class to end and for lunch to start. jehyun was waiting for him and changbin swung his bag over his shoulder. his heart was beating in his throat as he left the classroom, listening to jehyun talk about the latest assignment they’d gotten.
changbin couldn’t care less, really. he didn’t know the other guy that well and it felt a little awkward walking beside him in silence, but changbin waited until they’d passed his locker before he cut jehyun off by gasping. “i totally forgot, i need to talk with mr. park. you go ahead to lunch and i’ll come later.”
“alright, man.” jehyun patted his shoulder before continuing. changbin began walking back to his locker, every now and then looking over his shoulder to see if any of his friends were around. he reached his locker without meeting any and was quick to pull out his jacket, throwing it on and not bothering with locking the locker again as he left.
there wasn’t a lot of students in the hall, almost all at lunch. only the secretary at the entrance, who gave him a look that changbin ignored. holding his head high, he left the school and aimed for the bus.
his heart still hadn’t calmed down and his hands had started to shake faintly, adrenaline pumping through him. oh my god, changbin thought when he realised it was the first time he’d ever skipped school without permission. what am i doing? for a moment he played with the thought of going back inside and finishing the school day.
but the bus arrived in that exact moment and changbin refused to overthink as he stepped onto it with determination, falling into the first best seat he could find. anxiety gripped him as the bus started moving and the school disappeared from view.
there was no turning back now, he decided and released a deep, breathless sigh.
an old lady stepped onto the bus at the next station, taking the seat next to changbin. she can probably feel me shaking, changbin thought with a silent laugh, and they sat quietly next to each other for a few more stops. the lady was still and changbin couldn’t stop wringing his hands, toying with the hem of his sleeve.
“why are you so nervous, boy?”
changbin jumped when the lady spoke before laughing restlessly. “just making a life-changing decision, that’s all.”
the old lady aah’d wisely and changbin could feel her studying him. “good luck. i hope life brings you a lot of happiness with the change.”
changbin bit his tongue and nodded once. then it was his stop and his hands were shaking again. he returned the small smile the old lady gave him before stepping onto the street, hurrying to his own house.
the door was locked and his mother’s car gone, but he was still apprehensive as he unlocked and opened the front door, closing it carefully to make as little noise as possible. it was always quiet when he came home and he didn’t want to disturb the stale peace. he toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket, quickly running up the stairs.
he dropped his bag in his room, throwing it inside carelessly before taking one last look around and closing the door. his parents’ room was at the end of the corridor and changbin bit his tongue as he passed his sister’s room. the door was slightly ajar, giving changbin a peek at the pristine room.
he tiptoed inside, pulling out a drawer and reaching into his pocket. the small note was hidden under a few papers.
don’t worry about me, i chose to go with them. if you ever want to talk, the ocean will listen, and maybe one day i can answer. i will always love you- changbin.
he shut the drawer and took a last look around the room. it barely looked lived in, no signs of yesterday anywhere. changbin shuddered and moved on.
the door to his parents’ room was closed and he gently pressed down the handle. he flinched when the door creaked, but nothing else happened and he pushed it open fully. why was he here? he mused as he stepped inside, immediately going over to his mother’s side of the large bed.
he needed the little seashell she took from him.
everything was just as neat in their room as in the rest of the house and changbin wanted nothing more than to undo the rigidness, but he was careful to put back everything where it had been after he moved it. every drawer he opened, every decoration he moved, every accessory he lifted. everything was placed exactly where it had been before.
and there was no seashell anywhere. changbin grew frustrated as he picked through another jewellery box, finding nothing but expensive pearls and glittering gold. “useless,” he muttered and closed the small lid.
he didn’t know how much time he had left until someone came home and it was stressing him out. but he needed the seashell, so he kept on looking.
five minutes later, he sat on the bed in defeat. he was sure he’d looked through the entire room by now, but there was no sign or trace of the seashell. changbin groaned and got up, moving over to the vanity desk again to see if he’d missed anything.
a thought struck him as he put down a small jar of coins that he’d already looked through once. he hadn’t searched the closet. he stumbled over his own foot in his hurry to throw open the closet doors, staring at the neatly folded and hung clothes inside. he took a deep breath before taking a step back and peeking at the smaller shelves at the top.
there were a few boxes piled on top of each other and changbin cursed before dragging over the chair from the vanity, climbing on top and grabbing a box. he decided to go with the one that stuck out a little first, smaller than the rest and at the top of the boxes.
he almost gasped when he opened the lid, finding it half-full with a bunch of trinkets like plastic bead bracelets, small notes written in childish letters, and most importantly, his seashell.
“i can’t believe it.” changbin clenched his jaw and tried to ignore the stab in his chest when he realised that all of the trinkets in the box were things he’d made as a child, things his mother had taken away before telling him to focus on his homework.
he gingerly took the pearly pink seashell and slipped it into his pocket before putting back the lid on the box, fighting against the lump in his throat when he put it back on the shelf. the vanity chair was quickly put back in place and the closet was closed, changbin wanting to leave the room as quickly as possible.
he ran down the corridor and the stairs, not bothering with trying to be quiet anymore. changbin tugged on his shoes before leaving the house, shivering slightly at the cool temperatures outside.
he locked the front door, hid his key under the welcome mat and ran.
it wasn’t until he was halfway to the beach that he realised he wasn’t nervous anymore. his hands weren’t shaking and the only reason he felt like it was hard to breathe was because he was running. he gradually slowed down until he was walking, shoving a hand in his pocket so he could close it around the seashell.
he grinned as he avoided walking through a group of women with small kids, walking over the worn parking lot with quick steps. he let out a content sigh as he reached the small path through the tree line, emerging onto the beach.
there were more people than he expected it to be on a wednesday afternoon, but then he remembered that summer was near and people often came to his little town for vacation. it didn’t matter anyway, as long as the beach was empty at some point.
his feet sank into the soft sand and he grimaced when some of it ended up in his shoes, but he refused to stop until he reached the shore. he aimed for the collection of large rocks near the pier, standing in the wet and solid sand as he took his hand out of his pocket.
“please,” he whispered against his closed fist and then changbin dropped the small, pearly pink seashell into the water, watching how it sunk to the ocean floor. he backed up and sat in the sand, leaned against a rock, and waited.
he waited as people began emptying the beach. he waited as the air turned cooler. he waited as the winds picked up and the waves became harsher. he waited as the sun dipped closer to the horizon behind him. he waited as night fell.
it was with a disappointed sigh that changbin wrapped his arms around himself. it didn’t look like hyunjin was going to show up after all. changbin returned to waiting, and waited as the sun fell completely. stars began appearing on the empty sky. changbin knew his mother was starting to wonder where he was and he counted the stars instead of caring.
his eyelids fell shut somewhere after two hundred.
--- --- ---
he was awoken to the sound of someone giggling. changbin blinked owlishly as he took in his surroundings. he was still in the sand, leaned against the same rock, and his legs had fallen asleep. the sun was slowly rising behind a handful of clouds.
hyunjin was in the water by the shoreline. his chin was resting on his hands and he was swaying his tail back and forth behind him. his eyes were sparkling. changbin’s breath caught in his throat. he was stunning and he came.
“thanks. and i did promise i would come when you were ready to see me again.” hyunjin laughed and changbin blushed when he realised he said it out loud. changbin scrambled to get up, stumbling repeatedly as he hurried over to the water on still-asleep legs. water splashed over both of them when he fell to his knees in front of hyunjin.
“i…” changbin began before clearing his throat. “i got an a on my text. thanks to you.”
hyunjin grinned, a solemn and fake grin, and changbin didn’t react to the sight of sharp teeth this time. hyunjin lifted one of his hands, gently running his fingertips over changbin’s jaw. it left wet lines that chilled changbin to the bone when the wind swept over them.
“that’s good to hear.” hyunjin’s hand dropped back into the water and said nothing else, even if changbin knew what he wanted to ask.
the silence that followed was neither uncomfortable or comfortable. it was only broken by hyunjin’s tail going in and out of the water when he swayed it back and forth.
changbin couldn’t stop looking at hyunjin and it seemed like hyunjin knew, because he would play with a few sand grains before grinning up at changbin. it caught him off guard every time, making his heart beat faster and his hands shaky.
changbin cleared his throat after a while, when the quiet had stretched on for longer than he wanted to allow. hyunjin looked up with a quirked eyebrow. there was an apprehensiveness in the air around them that told changbin that hyunjin was already assuming things. the wrong things. changbin took a deep breath.
“yes.”
hyunjin blinked, confused. “what?” his eyes narrowed as he studied changbin with a new intensity. his tail stopped moving, still in the air as he waited for changbin to elaborate. changbin toyed with the soaked hem of his shirt.
“i want to go with you. i’ve thought about the consequences, what i would leave behind, and how i would spend the rest of my life. and… yes. i don’t want to deal with the reality of my bleak world anymore. every short moment i’ve spent with you are worth more to me than anything i’ve ever experienced on land. i want to go with you, even if it’s for an eternity. i want to be with you. i- i love you, too.”
as changbin spoke, hyunjin went from confused to smiling so brightly it almost hurt for changbin to look at him, but he didn’t regret it. changbin smiled back and laughed when hyunjin used his tail to get him closer so he could throw his arms around changbin. they both landed in the shallow water when changbin was caught by surprise and fell over.
hyunjin refused to let him go and squeezed him tightly. changbin wheezed and spat out some sand-mixed water that had ended up in his mouth before returning hyunjin’s hug. it was cold in the water but changbin came to the conclusion that hyunjin’s warmth made up for it.
once again, changbin found peace at the beach. the sun rose without hurrying over them and changbin was reminded that they were still on a public beach when a bird flew past them with an old napkin in its beak. changbin gently tapped hyunjin’s shoulder and laughed when hyunjin grumbled, burying his face in changbin’s neck.
“we need to go before there’s people around,” changbin reminded him quietly and hyunjin drew a long sigh, slowly releasing changbin from the hug. changbin sat up and grimaced at his shirt sticking to his back as he toed off his shoes, throwing them into the sand.
the cold returned as hyunjin wiggled around, doing his best to get back into deeper waters where he didn’t get stuck in the sand. changbin snorted and hyunjin glared at him. there was no fire behind the look and changbin stuck out his hand.
“need some help?”
hyunjin continued to glare at changbin when he took his hand, and changbin laughed at hyunjin’s disgruntled face when changbin pulled him away from the beach. “okay,” hyunjin huffed, “i’m good... thanks.”
changbin was still laughing quietly to himself as he waded out into the water, hyunjin grumbling as he floated along on his back. changbin narrowed his eyes and looked down at hyunjin. “what did you just say?”
hyunjin held up his hands in an act of surrender. “nothing!”
changbin tilted his head to the side and forced himself through a slightly larger wave. “really? because i just heard you complaining about me being so slow.”
“then you need to get your ears checked because i totally did not say that.”
changbin rolled his eyes and hissed when hyunjin pinched his leg. he began smiling right after, though, when hyunjin started giggling. changbin put a hand on hyunjin’s chest and pressed down, very much enjoying the way hyunjin’s eyes widened as he sank. he didn’t resurface, instead taking to swimming around changbin’s legs like an annoying sea cat waiting for food.
changbin nearly pushed hyunjin’s head back under the water when he appeared above surface in front of him, just to reiterate for the times hyunjin nearly tripped him, but the look in hyunjin’s eyes stopped him. he was serious again, calm and almost emotionless.
“we can stop here,” he said quietly and changbin nodded, thankful. the water reached to his shoulders now, waves growing harsher and bigger and the wind whipped around them. the sky was greying with new clouds, the sun mostly hidden under the horizon. changbin swiped some wet hair out of his face, silent as hyunjin placed his hands on changbin’s shoulders. “do you still want this?”
changbin held his breath as he glanced back to the beach. it was further away than he’d imagined it would be. he could barely make out his discarded shoes. someone would probably find them in a few hours. changbin wondered if his mother would mourn his disappearance, but no hint of remorse was sparked in changbin at the thought. he wouldn’t miss his old life. he turned back to hyunjin.
“yes.”
a particularly big wave washed over them and changbin squeezed his eyes shut until it passed. he wouldn’t miss his old life. he really wouldn’t. maybe -probably- he’d miss his sister, but if anything, he’d miss hyunjin if he turned back and continued his life on land.
hyunjin put one hand on his jaw, bringing their faces closer together. his other hand came to rest on changbin’s waist, twisting into the fabric of his shirt. hungry water lapped around changbin’s shoulders, pulling on him, but hyunjin steadily kept him in place.
“are you sure? an eternity is for a very long time, you know,” hyunjin whispered between them. drops of salty ocean water splashed against changbin’s throat and face when a wave hit them. changbin brought his hands up and tangled them into hyunjin’s hair, closing his eyes.
his mother's voice crowed in the back of his head “even thinking about liking, wanting- kissing boys is sinful, changbin! never even think about it, or you'll go to hell!”
“i’m sure.”
but what difference did one little sin do?
changbin smiled at the new feeling of petal-soft lips against his own, cold and salty from the ocean water. he could feel that hyunjin was smiling, too. a faint underwater current caught them and changbin didn’t fight back when hyunjin pulled him underwater, joining the current that dragged them out and then down, down, down, down into the open sea. the hands gently holding onto changbin’s shirt and jaw never let go, even as the currents grew stronger and tried to tear them apart.
hyunjin wrapped both his arms around changbin and held him tightly when he began swimming, bringing them towards the bottom of the ocean at a speed changbin never even imagined was possible. changbin’s lungs ached and he broke their kiss to draw a deep, water-filled breath before catching hyunjin’s lips again. the water around them became warmer and warmer, until it was nearly unbearable and hell was close, but changbin smiled.
if hell for an eternity meant hyunjin for an eternity, then maybe sinning wouldn't be so bad after all.