Chapter Text
When Severus Snape peered through the charmed mirror to see what was causing the ruckus in his waiting room, he was met with a most unwelcome sight. There stood Harry Potter, erstwhile hero of the wizarding world -- and the man largely credited with saving Snape's life, no matter how many times Snape insisted that he had saved his own life by taking proper precautions. To make matters worse, Potter was bouncing a crying infant on his shoulder.
Snape tried to think of a way to pretend that he was out before he finally sighed and gave up, opening the door that separated his office from the outer room. "Potter!" he barked. "Is that a baby?"
Potter had turned, smiling feebly. He looked terrible, as if he hadn't been eating or sleeping. Probably he insisted on taking over all the major cases in the Auror Office to win more glory for himself. "Very observant," he replied, though without his usual arrogance. "I need help."
"It is my painful duty to inform you that the time to use a birth control potion is before the young lady becomes pregnant," Snape said, wincing as the small creature let out a very grand wail.
As was typical of him, Potter rolled his eyes. "Thank you very much for that, but the baby isn't mine. Well -- she is mine, but I'm not her father." He bounced on the balls of his feet as the red-faced tiny girl began to cry again.
"Of course you aren't," Snape scoffed. He had glimpsed some sort of story in The Daily Prophet concerning Potter and a Muggle and a baby -- an embarrassing scene for the Ministry at a public event -- but as he always did where Harry Potter was involved, he'd tried not to pay much attention. "Very well, then, explain what you are doing here with that...creature."
Potter switched the baby to the other arm. "I'm told she has colic," he said. "And that there may be potions that could help."
Snape crossed his arms, watching the baby warily before sliding his gaze over to Potter. "Of course there are potions," he said, taking a step closer to get a good look at the infant's scrunched face. If he had paid any attention in Potions class at Hogwarts, Potter would have not only known that there were potions, but been able to guess several of the ingredients. "What are you calling it?"
"Lily."
Potter colored a bit as Snape schooled his features to look disapproving. "And you expect me to believe the child isn't a byblow? I would have expected you to reserve that name for one of your own." Before Potter could comment, Snape whirled, striding into his office with a curt gesture indicating that Potter should follow.
"I doubt that I'll ever have a child, and this one is..." Harry sighed, following Snape into the back. "It's a long story. The short version is, a Muggle woman I've never heard of showed up at the Ministry, claiming the baby was mine. Then she disappeared. The Ministry investigated, and it turned out the mother was dying of some condition I've also never heard of, but apparently only wizards carry it." He jiggled the baby around so Snape could see her face. "Maybe she'd seen a Daily Prophet somewhere or heard of me from whoever gave her both the baby and the disease, but she was adamant that I should raise this child. All the baby's living relatives are Muggles. This one isn't -- she can make things spark when she's angry."
"I did hear something about the incident at the Ministry. I thought it was mere gossip about you." Scowling, Snape cleared his throat. "Not everyone follows your exploits. How long has she been ill?"
Potter peered at the baby. To his apparent surprise, she appeared perfectly calm at the moment, watching Snape curiously. "Every time she eats, she starts screaming a little while afterward. Sometimes it goes on for hours. Mrs. Weasley said it was the formula I fed her, so I've tried lots of different formulas, goat's milk, even a wet nurse. It's always the same."
Snape leaned in closer, sniffing the baby's breath. "And Moll-- that is, Mrs. Weasley didn't give you her vaunted advice about what else to do for colic?"
Potter's laugh was feeble. "Mrs. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley, and Percy Weasley, and Mrs. Granger, and Mr. Granger, and Neville's gran. Everyone's an expert. And every one of them gave me different advice."
Touching the baby's forehead, Snape determined that she did not have a fever. With luck, that meant that she wasn't dehydrated. "When did the crying start?"
"Right after I ended up with her. Maybe even before." With a sigh, Harry jiggled the infant, though she was quite calm, still watching Snape as he touched the glands under her chin. "They called me to St. Mungo's. The mother had used some kind of Binding Spell, though how she could have learned it, they had no idea. The Ministry says it can be broken, but it will be safer if I keep her until they can switch it to someone else. I had no idea wizard adoptions were so complicated." Harry offered a tired smile. "The Weasleys think I should keep her."
Somehow this statement was more shocking than the presence of Potter with a baby in Snape's office. "You mean you're considering not keeping her?" he demanded, straightening.
"How can I keep a baby? I'm training to be an Auror!"
"Apparently there are consequences to being the Chosen One that interfere with your plans, then." Snape was unable to keep his disapproval out of his voice. He deliberately looked away from the calm little face and at Potter, who frowned as the baby started fussing, reaching for Snape's hair.
"Do you seriously think it's that simple? What do I do if every family looking for a famous name for a godfather decides to perform a spell to make me guardian of their children?"
The tiny grasping fingers had found Snape's hair. He glared at Potter as if expecting him to do something about it. "If you break the Binding Spell, you may seriously damage this child's magic."
"But at St. Mungo's, they said they would be able to transfer it, or something." He jiggled the baby as she whimpered, still clutching Snape's hair. Snorting, Snape bent to accommodate the small fingers.
"At St. Mungo's, they don't always care about the consequences of the treatment as much as the results." He briefly touched his throat, remembering his last experiences with the Healers.
Potter was watching him in surprise, though apparently not at Snape's recollection of the experiences that had almost ended his life so that Potter could get credit for saving the world. "She likes you," he said. "Usually, she's very clingy and won't let anyone touch her but me. I was going to hire a full time nurse, but two of them quit the first day."
Gently disentangling his hair from the child's fist, Snape offered her a single finger. "Obviously she is a child of superior sensibilities, despite having lived with you. Perhaps it would be best to break the Binding Spell if you don't have any attachment to her. Growing up without a family obviously didn't do you any harm." He tried to slide the finger free, but Lily immediately began to cry.
"That's not fair." Potter bounced the baby so hard that Snape reached to take her from him. "She'll have a family, a real family, with two parents, not one parent who's always at the Ministry or doing dangerous work." His eyes widened as Lily stopped crying and cooed.
"Life isn't fair, Potter, surely you've realized that by now." Snape caught himself stroking the warm, silky hair on the child's head and stopped himself immediately. She settled down against his shoulder at once. "Very well -- I can give you something now to alleviate the symptoms, and can tailor a brew for her that will eliminate the cause. Needless to say, the customized potion will take longer to prepare, as I will have to take several samples to assess the root cause."
Potter was shaking his head slightly, watching Snape. "Have you spent a lot of time around babies since the war? You won't have to take blood from her, will you?"
"Since I went into business after my...recovery, I have had to deal with every variety of conditions in every instance of human misery and suffering. Yes, I will need a bit of blood. Also saliva and vomit. The blood extraction will be as painless as possible. I know you think I am a monster..."
"Well, I have plenty of saliva and vomit. On this shirt and my trousers and the laundry at home."
"I will need fresh samples." He held the baby close as he walked to the glass door of his cabinet. "As of now, I have only your word that she experiences fits of screaming. She seems perfectly well-behaved to me."
"Wait an hour till she's hungry again, and then another hour till she's been fed." Potter scowled at him, seeming to sway on his feet. "Maybe you should raise her."
"No authority, wizarding or Muggle, would trust me with a child." He retrieved a bottle, handing it to Potter. "Uncork that. You remember how to do that, don't you?"
Blushing a bit, Harry did so, sloshing a bit of the contents out because he was watching Snape with the baby. "They might if I told them to," he retorted. "What did you mean about how breaking the Binding Spell would affect her magic?"
Snape pointed to a beaker on the counter. "Pour out half a measure. The smallest quantity marked." Absently, he stroked the back of Lily's head again. "A Binding Spell is powerful magic. Similar to the spell -- " He cleared his throat. "-- the magic your own mother used to protect you. Can you imagine what breaking it at a young age would have done to you? It may very well interfere with the natural progression of her magical abilities."
Potter glanced up, then concentrated on the beaker, pouring in the potion. "I don't understand how someone I never met, who had no training at Hogwarts or anywhere like it, could have cast a spell like that. Don't Binding Spells usually need -- I don't know, hair or something, the way Polyjuice does? Is there a way to stop other people from doing the same thing?"
He was paying little attention to his work, as usual. Snape looked critically at the beaker, making a noise for Potter to stop pouring. "Not too much! Remember how small her system is compared to a great lump like yours." Shifting the baby again, he reached for an eyedropper. "There may have been blood involved. Many powerful spells depend upon blood. She could have come into possession of your blood when you were in hospital or may even be a distant relation. Such things are not unheard of."
"They did a test at St. Mungo's to make sure I was telling the truth when I said she wasn't mine. I think Malfoy tried to convince everyone that I was lying and she was obviously my love child. They didn't tell me if we were related other than what I already knew -- that I couldn't possibly be her father."
"Because you're a virgin, I suppose." Snape snorted softly, holding the eyedropper to Lily's mouth and squeezing in slowly. "You obviously need to find out more about how the spell was done. The mother is deceased, you said?" He paused to refill the dropper.
"I never even met her, really." Potter reached out to help support the baby's head. "She was dying -- delirious. I couldn't tell whether it was a magical malady or what. I just told them to be sure the baby didn't have it too."
Nodding in reluctant approval, Snape set down the dropper and reached for a cloth to wipe Lily's mouth. When she made a distressed noise, he pointed for Potter to retrieve it instead. "There are also spells that involve semen. Even if you didn't engage in intercourse with this woman, perhaps she had one of your paramours capture a sample."
"Not possible." Perhaps Potter had been faithful to Miss Weasley, thought Snape. "There's really no way any witch obtained my, um, my semen." The infant interrupted whatever Snape might have replied by whimpering softly. "She must be getting hungry."
"Take Li-- the baby and see if she is more agreeable after the first dose." Harry took her from Snape, sighing audibly in relief when she did not immediately begin to cry. Snape had lifted his hand to stroke her before he reconsidered and dropped it. "How long are her screaming fits, on average? Do they last longer at night?"
"More than half the night, usually."
That explained Potter's obvious exhaustion. "Don't you have help with her when she's crying?"
"I stayed with the Weasleys a couple of times, but Molly has her own grandchildren now. And I think she's pretty upset that Ginny and I are never -- well, like I said. I never slept with any witch."
Turning to hide his reaction, Snape poured out the potion into a flask, rinsing out the beaker and eyedropper to give to Potter. "You can't be a good parent if you're exhausted. If you're thinking about giving her up, why would you give her your mother's name?"
"I don't know." Potter bit his lip, looking down at Lily's calm face. "When she's screaming, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and she'd be better off with absolutely anyone else but me. I keep hoping some relative will surface, or something. I mean, she has no one right now."
"What is that to you? You have no tie to her." Snape packed up the items and shrunk them, gesturing to Potter's pocket for permission to tuck them inside.
"I don't have no affection -- I really care about her. I just -- bloody hell, how could I keep her?"
"You could find someone to help you." Snape crossed his arms over his chest. "You're the most popular wizard in a century; surely there is someone you could trust to take care of a fairly harmless young person long enough for you to get adequate sleep at night."
"She deserves more than someone who'll take care of her. She deserves a family. Not a mostly-absentee guardian and a nurse." Potter watched Snape stroke her head again.
"You should know that the Binding Spell wouldn't have worked if you were not a good match for the baby. Don't make any decisions before you get a proper night's sleep."
"Don't make me feel more guilty than I already do." Potter sank down in the laboratory chair, rocking the baby. "I know I'm a good match. You're the first new person she's met who hasn't made her cry."
Snape blew out a frustrated breath. "Why do you think that is?"
"I have no idea." Potter's laugh was feeble. He suppressed a yawn, not entirely successfully. "Maybe she likes lonely men. Not that I assume -- I mean, you probably like living alone."
Rolling his eyes, Snape began, "I live alone because I --" But that was none of Potter's business. Snape pressed his lips together. "This is not about me. This is about someone who is dependent on you, who cannot possibly be lonely as the hero of the wizarding world, but I would think might understand from your own childhood. If you plan to give her up, do so before she has concrete memories of you and of losing you."
"She's a baby. She won't have any memories of me. I'm the one who'll have memories."
"You don't sound like a man who is willing to casually give up a child entrusted to his care." Unable to help himself, Snape reached down to slide his hand through the baby's soft curls. "My prescription for you is to get a full night's sleep and leave complicated decisions to more rational moments. I can give you instructions for the potion I've given you, and we can set up a time to collect the samples I'll need." Potter was practically falling asleep in the chair, his hands no longer steady on Lily's back. "Potter, are you listening? How long has it been since you've had a full night's rest?"
Potter twitched away from him, then straightened a bit as Lily wailed. "I knew she'd get hungry again. I don't sleep very well anyway. I have to feed her."
Snape huffed, hesitating, then reached for Lily. He wasn't doing any of this for Potter in the first place. "I live over this shop. Go upstairs and get some sleep," he barked. "I will feed her and administer an additional dose should the colic begin to manifest again. You are forbidden to come downstairs until you've had several hours of sleep."
Whether Potter was blinking at him in surprise or exhaustion, Snape couldn't tell. "Why do you want to take care of her?" he asked suspiciously.
"I merely want her to recover, and by coming to me, you have effectively entrusted her to my care. My advice as your potion master is to get some sleep so you can be an effective father." Snape glared, realizing that he was clutching the baby protectively.
"I'm not her--" Potter flushed, then sighed. "Are you telling me to go sleep in your bed?"
"Apparently it won't be the first man's bed you've slept in."
"I suppose Slytherins are opposed to that on principle."
"If they were, I would have disqualified myself from ever heading that House." Why was he telling Potter this? Snape flushed, stroking the baby's back distractedly. "Now stop scowling at me and ignoring my advice when it looks like you are half dead on your feet. Don't you trust me with her?"
Nodding, Potter got wearily to his feet. "All right. Mostly because I can't keep my eyes open, I'll go sleep in your bed. Wake me up if she needs something."
Finally. Reaching into his wand pocket, Snape turned the sign in the outer office to 'closed'. "Remember, you are forbidden to come down until you've had several hours of sleep." Potter followed his gesture to the stairs. Ironically, Snape added, "No need to thank me, of course."
"Since you've made it clear that this isn't about me, I didn't think you wanted me to." Potter paused. "Professor. I'm -- I really am very grateful."
"Show your gratitude by following my instructions." Snape watched him walk up the stairs. He felt perplexed by everything that had happened, not least by the fact that he had a cooing child in his arms. Goat's milk, at least, was easy to modify, and the baby watched him silently as he shifted her from one arm to the other, transfiguring a beaker into a baby bottle and sterilizing it with a spell.
The most comfortable chair Snape owned was in his bedroom beneath the window. When he arrived upstairs, Potter was fast asleep, face down on his bed, looking like not even the return of Voldemort could rouse him.
"No crying," Snape admonished Lily quietly. She raised her tiny hands in fists as he offered her the bottle. He watched her, then watched Potter, shaking his head, reminding himself not to stare at either one. It wasn't as if he needed memories of either one in this room when they would both soon be gone.