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“Party games suck dick.” Connor Murphy complained after their third abandoned game of would you rather.
Evan giggled. “They really do, don't they? But they look so interesting in the movies!”
“I know, right?” the brunet exclaimed. “Hang on, imma text Zoe to see what she and Alana are up to. Maybe they have a suggestion for a better game.”
While Connor dug through his pockets and various drawers in his room for his phone, Evan allowed his mind to wander a little. He still couldn't believe that Connor managed to convince Heidi to let Evan sleep over while the Murphy parents were out for the weekend. They weren't exactly secretive about their relationship after all.
“Aha!” Evan was snapped out of his thoughts by his long haired boyfriend. “Found the little bastard!” Connor held up the phone successfully, a grin sprawled out on his lips. That very same grin that made Evan’s heart flutter in his chest ever time it made an appearance. Connor’s long fingers danced across his phone screen as he sent Zoe two rapid-fire texts.
“While we wait for a response…” the brunet leaned forward and caught Evan’s lips with his own.
Connor had first kissed Evan three months ago, and Evan still couldn't believe that he was allowed to kiss Connor Murphy. That he could tangle his fingers in Connor’s long, soft hair, whenever he wanted to. He couldn't believe that this beautiful boy could ever want to kiss plain old him. Plain old, anxious Evan Hansen.
However, as the taller boy pulled him even closer into the kiss, Evan wasn't complaining.
The two were startled into reality by the default ding! of Connor’s phone. They remained still for a minute, savoring the moment and holding each other until there was another ding! Connor reached over and quickly read Zoe’s reply.
“She says, ‘Two truths and a lie.’, with a happy face at the end.” the brunet paused, reading the second message. “Sorry, ‘ confessional two truths and a lie’, then a winky face.” He glanced up at Evan. “Sounds intense. You up for putting this on hold? I mean, not that I don't wanna keep kissing you but… we’ve got all night for that.”
Evan nodded, although he wasn't completely sure about the confessional part. What on earth would Evan confess?
Scratch that, what would he have the courage to confess?
“Great!” Connor beamed. “I’ll go first I suppose…” he spaced out for a minute or two before taking a deep breath and continuing forward.
“Alright, um, let’s see… I once drank a gallon of milk in one sitting - 0/10, do not recommend. I was super afraid of my own pet goldfish when I was four, and, uh…”
“And I love you.” Connor ended looking at the floor, face on fire.
Evan tried to process what he just heard. Something about milk and a goldfish…
And then Connor said the ‘L’ word.
To him.
About him.
Was he dreaming?
“Uh, I won't make you guess the lie for this round. It's the, um, it's the goldfish one. I was actually scared of that when I was five, not four.” Connor mumbled nervously in response to Evan’s silence. “Dead terrified of that thing… thought it was gonna eat my face while I slept…” When the latter’s quiet continued, the lanky boy panicked.
“ Fuck I’m so so so sorry! I should’ve known it was too early I just thought, you know, it felt right at the time but I didn't think - I wasn't thinking - I didn't mean to - well, I meant it, I do love you I just - I’m sorry! ”
Finally, much too late, Evan’s brain caught up with the present.
“No! No, don't be! I’m sorry! My mind wasn't - I was really slow to comprehend that. I was surprised, that's all! I-”
Connor bit his lip, avoiding Evan’s eyes with a genuinely scared look on his face as he waited for Evan’s next words. The sight made Evan’s heart ache.
“I love you too, Connor.” the brunet looked up hesitantly. “I’m not just saying that. I promise.” Evan gently took Connor’s hand in his, and kissed him softly.
“I love you.” he repeated. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” after each ‘I love you’, Evan kissed Connor. First on his cheeks, then his nose and then his forehead. That made Connor laugh. Evan knew it would.
“I love you too, dork.” he said, relief clear as day in his tone.
“Hey, you’re the one who said ‘I love you’ to your boyfriend for the first time through two truths and a lie.” Evan teased.
“Touché.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll go next.”
And so they went on for the next twenty minutes, enjoying themselves with ridiculous confessions of childhood fears, embarrassing moments, and dumb decisions.
“Evan, you haven't confessed anything big yet.” Connor pointed out after the blond successfully guessed Connor’s lie on the first try.
“What do you mean? I think confessing that I once murdered a whole garden of ferns once is pretty big.” Evan replied, knowing exactly what Connor was saying. He hadn't shared any really big secrets yet. He didn't drop any bombs like Connor had, and he kinda felt bad about it.
“You know, like how I told you I loved you? Something that really changes present life, not something strange from the past.” Evan was quiet for a moment.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “I’m gonna do that now, just give me a sec.” Connor nodded, a little bit surprised that Evan was so ready and willing to admit something big. He had mostly been teasing about Evan’s confessions being on the smaller side.
Evan knew exactly what he would share.
And it was a hell of a secret.
“Alright, here we go.” Evan muttered, mostly to himself. “I never liked carnations as much as I say I do. I broke my arm falling out of a tree. And I honestly wish my mom was home more.” Connor looked a bit confused for a moment.
“Um, is the lie that you wish your mom was home more?” He guessed, rather nervous to find out the answer.
Evan took a deep breath.
“No.” he whispered.
“Evan,” Connor laughed nervously. “Not liking a flower isn't exactly a jaw-dropping confession.”
“Connor, I love carnations.”
The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.
“Evan… how did you break your arm?” Connor murmured, trying to mask the worry in his tone.
“I did break my arm because of gravity, but I didn't just fall.” Evan’s voice was barely audible when he said,
“I jumped out of the tree, Connor. On purpose.” Connor’s eyes widened significantly and he scrambled forward to hold Evan. Tears welled up and started falling down the blond’s cheeks at a rapid pace.
“Evan, oh my god, fuck, I didn’t know I’m so sorry.” Evan buried his face in the folds of Connor’s hoodie, tears soaking the fabric, allowing himself to be enveloped in the taller boy’s familiar, comforting warmth.
“I just thought, you know, I just felt so alone. Mom was hardly home, Jared wasn't around, and I was just, at home, alone. It was so easy to just let go, but then I failed at dying so I couldn't just tell everyone.” Connor nodded as the small boy spoke, holding him tighter as he sobbed. “It’s so scary to feel so alone. I hate it, but I still feel it sometimes. It helps more that you’re here but, anxiety says you aren’t really.”
“Evan. I know you can't control anxiety, but I promise I will never leave you. I love you so much, okay?” he nodded weakly. “Okay. If - now I'm not great at advice but I will do everything in my power to help - if you ever feel like doing that again please please please, come talk to me.”
“I promise, I will.” the smaller croaked, with some measure of difficulty.
The boys sat there for a while, neither really caring how long, until Evan had stopped crying. They moved to Connor’s full sized bed after that, and snuggled together under the covers.
“Hey, Ev?” Connor whispered, pressing a small kiss to the back of Evan’s neck.
“Hmm?” the blond hummed sleepily.
“Party games suck dick.”