Chapter Text
Anthony James Crowley had grown up obsessed with James Bond movies. Getting to be a swaggering hero with witty one-liners and the ability to save the day had been a dream of his. But actually becoming an intelligence agent was a completely different story. It would have taken years of training and learning several languages. He wasn't much a reader. School wasn't really his thing. But there was a program that could let him become a police officer, and that was the chance to help his community on a local level. So after graduating high school he went into basic training and came out with the title 'Officer'.
It didn't hurt that he became a magnet for different ladies and gentlemen. A combination of the uniform - the uniform was always helpful in getting a date - and his own charm meant that he got to build a reputation as something of a playboy. Which was perfectly fine by him, because he enjoyed sex and didn't mind if the uniform helped. Besides, it didn't matter to him that the sex was mostly one or two night stands. He had his job, he had a family, and he had his snakes.
These relationships fell apart for three main reasons: His snakes, his apartment building, and the fact that he was a police officer.
People had all these false notions that snakes were dangerous creatures, and most of his partners were too scared to even touch them. But that was ridiculous. His snakes were his precious treasures. He had had William Snakespeare - his oldest - since he was ten years old. The most threatening William ever got was when he would whine during the winter for being too cold, and demand to wrap around him. Well. Not anymore. William seemed to have a new favorite furnace.
The second reason - his apartment building. In addition to his work as an officer, he was also a landlord for one of the nicer high-rises in downtown. His parents owned a block of apartment buildings across several cities, which meant that he had grown up affluent. When he moved out of his hometown, his mother had made him promise to move into their apartment building and make sure it was running smoothly. He did, but it meant most partners were intimidated and it became a turnoff for anything long term. It was annoying sure, but not nearly as much as someone telling him to pick between his snakes - which he had owned nearly his whole life, or them.
But the biggest annoyance was when someone told him they couldn't date an officer. That was ridiculous. Most people had met him when he was wearing the uniform. Though apparently, it was one thing to have meaningless sex with someone and another to want to date long term. People got scared that he could get hurt while working, or something would happen. So if he ever saw someone for a third date, they usually would ask, "So, how dedicated are you to this job?"
He would say, "Pretty dedicated."
They would go, "Oh, I see."
And that would be that.
When he turned twenty-four he had been an officer for nearly four years, and had been used to this pattern. But then he joined the Tadfield 66, and things began to turn around for him. Earlier that year he had been transferred from Tadfield 77 to the 66, and it was such a better place to work.
Michael Heaven was the captain of the precinct. She was stern, tough to read, and a major stickler for rules. For the first few weeks she had glowered at him until he learned the lesson of wearing a tie in the workplace everyday. Anthony struggled with being able to read her face when she gave him feedback - he never had any idea if she was mad or happy with him. It was confusing, but she was a fair captain and cared about them as officers.
His partner was Gabriel, who had been there for nearly twenty years. Gabriel could be dense and oblivious, and he was obsessed with running everyday, but he was dedicated and kind. Crowley had assumed that Gabriel would have been confused when he talked about sleeping with a girl his first week there, and a guy his second, but Gabriel wasn't fazed at all.
Of course, Anthony later realized it was because he had been in a long-term relationship with both Beelzebub and Dagon.
Beelzebub was terrifying and amazing. They liked to work alone most cases, but if they had to have a partner, they would walk up to Crowley's desk and say, "You're with me now." And he was too intimidated to think of saying no. Beelzebub was mysterious, and Crowley knew so very little about them. There was a small chance that Beelzebub wasn't even their name, but in no way was Crowley ever going to ask. He didn't have a death wish. It didn't stop Beelzebub from being the person he was closest to, aside from Gabriel.
Dagon was Michael's assistant, and kept track of their filing. Their office ran smoothly because she kept it that way. And it was odd that she demanded being called the "Lord of Files" whenever Crowley needed a stapler, but he had seen weirder.
Then there was Hastur and Ligur. They had been at the precinct for longest time, and knew the city best. Hastur had grown up in the area, and Ligur had moved their when he was seventeen, alone. Both were hardened. Crowley had gotten on the wrong foot with them when he started.
That had hardly been his fault though. It was one of his first days, and he had seen a drawing of a sunflower against the wall with a frame around it.
"Who made that?" He had half-asked, half-snorted to Gabriel at the time, "A child?"
From behind him, Ligur had growled a, "Yes," Making them both jump.
"Why don't we just paint over it? It's not very good," Crowley had said, like an idiot.
The look Ligur gave him found its way into his nightmares. "Because my son made it." He had snapped, and walked off. Crowley had gaped at him, and looked at Gabriel for sympathy, but there was none.
"He's protective over his kid," Gabriel had shrugged, "And also that's my godkid so be careful what you say."
Crowley had rolled his eyes at the time. "Hope he has a day job," He had scoffed, and it got left at that. It did make him wonder more about their kid, but Hastur and Ligur were incredibly tight-lipped about any details that Crowley wanted to know. There were some photos on their desks of a child, but none of those photos showed a kid older then ten years old. It did explain why there was a small kids table with coloring books in the precinct - most offices didn't have any space for kids if parents had to come by the station. So it was nice. But Crowley never ended up seeing a kid come by the station. Which was a shame because he could not imagine Hastur or Ligur as a parent. They both always seemed so angry and stern. Or maybe that was just their attitude with him.
But then Crowley got distracted by trying to figure out who their kid could be, because he was actually dating someone now.
Aziraphale.
Crowley had met Aziraphale a few weeks ago, but he was convinced they were meant to be. Aziraphale had walked right up to him at a bar, and told him that he thought Anthony was the most attractive person there. At the time, Crowley had just assumed that he was tipsy and it was going to be a fun night. But that was totally fine, and he made out with him before taking him back to his apartment for one of his typical friday nights. But then, the next day, Aziraphale had found his snakes and cooed at them until he let them out to meet Aziraphale.
Aziraphale had adored them, and when he learned their names: William Snakespeare, Reese Slitherspoon, and Monty Python, he had been so enamored he made out with Crowley again and just like that, they had spent the whole weekend together. Aziraphale didn't care that he ran the building, even, or that he was an officer. Apparently he had family in the force as well. Sometimes it felt like he understood Crowley's job better then he did. But most importantly, the snakes loved him. And he liked spending time with Aziraphale, who liked spending time with him.
Which was what brought him to the staff holiday party. It was his first one, but they were encouraged to bring close friends and family. So as Michael droned on about appropriate behavior she expected to see, Crowley took out his phone to text his... boyfriend? Could they say that?
Hey angel, He typed, My office is throwing a party this Friday. Want to be my date? You can meet my coworkers.
Aziraphale replied almost right away, Certainly dear! It sounds like fun :)
"Crowley," His head snapped up, to see Michael at the front of the room. She was pursing her lips, and he knew she was upset about texting. "Something more interesting to you?"
"Probably figuring out if he can bring the 'angel' to the party," Dagon snickered, and Crowley gave her a smirk.
"Yeah, actually, I was," He said. There were some eyerolls that he didn't miss, but it didn't matter. Crowley had made a habit of sharing his own stories with the rest of the office. When he started out, the stories were more explicit, but recently he had taken it down a peg. Especially because he liked Aziraphale.
"This one has to be a record for you," Hastur snarked, "What is it, a month now?"
"Just about, yeah," Crowley said, typing back a reply. "He's smart too, he's graduating college in a few weeks."
"Can't be that smart if he's still with you," Ligur growled, but Crowley didn't pay any attention.
"Can't help I got a hot little angel," He grinned, and Michael called for his attention again. The precinct only knew Aziraphale by the nickname Crowley gave him, "angel". It had been half a joke, really. That Monday after they had met, he had shared detailed with Beelzebub and Gabriel all about the naughty angel he had met over that weekend - who had been his exact fantasy. "Like an angel sent from Heaven, that wanted to sleep with me."
They thought his stories were hilarious and had even pressed him for details. So he bragged about how great the sex was, how much his lover had loved getting bitten, marked up, and even spanked, and that he didn't have to hold back. And then he even cuddled his snakes close and called them adorable!
Angel as a moniker was half a joke. Someone who let Crowley do half the things he did was no angel, but Aziraphale had such a glow about him. And he inspired Crowley to want to be more - be better. And no joke, he looked like one of the angel cherubs that existed in those renaissance paintings Aziraphale would make him look at.
That had been their first date. One of Aziraphale's friends at school had participated in an art gallery, and Aziraphale was going to support. Crowley was trying to prove that he could be a serious boyfriend, not just someone who wanted sex. So at the time he had left work with a collared shirt and tie - earning some ribbing from Ligur ("The sex must be good if you're going to an art show" he had said) and went to stare at art with the guy he was trying to impress. They had looked at his friend's painting of cherubim - and Crowley kept looking from the angel to Aziraphale.
"That's you," He half-teased.
Aziraphale had just grinned. "Actually, I did get asked to model, so that really is me."
"Oh, you really are an angel then," Crowley had grinned, and the nickname stuck ever since.
So as the rest of the squad teased him, Crowley just rolled his eyes and didn't let it phase him.
Michael dismissed them soon after, telling them all to get back to work. As Hastur and Ligur stood, Gabriel walked back to join them. "What about Aziraphale?" He asked lowly, "Is he coming?"
"He's never missed a party," Hastur reminded him, but he did pull his phone out to text. Aziraphale had been very bust this last year, and stressed. He had been spending most weekends out of the house. Hastur and Ligur had assumed it was because he had been preparing to graduate, and also to spend time with "AJ".
Aziraphale had made a new friend a few weeks ago, but this was no ordinary friend, like Newt. This was a friend that Aziraphale didn't share many details about - not that they really saw him much these days. But it was so obvious that he was seeing someone. Aziraphale had been staying at 'A dear friend's house' for about a month now. Hastur and Ligur were not stupid - and Aziraphale had never quite figured out how to use coverup on his neck. Obviously their kid was seeing someone, but they assumed that AJ was someone Aziraphale knew from school - another bookish type like him.
Hey bunny, Hastur typed, Our party's this Friday, are you still coming?
He got a quick response - Aziraphale must be taking a break from homework. Oh no. I'm sorry daddy I just agreed to go somewhere with AJ.
It's alright, but you'll have to be the one to tell Uncle Gabriel, Hastur replied. Aziraphale didn't have many friends - he had Newt, who had been his friend since they were five, and Anathema, who had been his friend since high school, but other then that his friends were the officers at the 66. It would be nice for Aziraphale to spend time with AJ and other people his own age.
"Sorry, looks like he's got other plans," Hastur said, and bit back a laugh as Gabriel's face fell.
"AJ?" Ligur asked, as Gabriel moped off. You're going to have to make it up to Gabriel he texted Aziraphale, who had sent back a sad face image.
"Yeah, I figured he should be around people his own age," Hastur said.
"Technically Crowley is his age," Ligur said, and laughed at the look Hastur gave him.
"I want them far away from each other," Hastur growled, "The way he talks about that 'angel'?"
"If that were our boy," Ligur said, and Hastur shook his head. "Not thinking about it." He said.
So they didn't.
-----
"I hope they like me," Aziraphale said, absent-mindedly picking at the bow on the present he was bringing.
"I don't think it's possible for someone to dislike you," Crowley replied, pulling into his parking space. He was rewarded by a bashful smile from Aziraphale, who hid his face in his wine.
"Oh, stop it," He said.
"I mean it, and you didn't have to bring anything," Crowley said, "They wouldn't expect it."
"I always bring a red velvet cake to my parent's office," Aziraphale said, "I just hope they like it here-" His voice cut off as they got out of the car.
"Crowley," Aziraphale asked, "Is the city hosting one giant party in one precinct?"
They went up the elevator together, and Aziraphale was struck by the familiar building. One that he had spent half his childhood in. But surely Anthony was on a different floor from his parents?
"No, it's just the office," Crowley replied, and the doors dinged.
Interesting, Aziraphale mused. He wondered if maybe Anthony knew his parents. Sure enough, they had reached the precinct. Aziraphale was amused.
"You didn't tell me you worked at the 66," He said, smiling. Crowley shrugged.
"Didn't think it mattered," He said, and went forward to open the door for Aziraphale, who smiled at him. He walked in, shifting the cake to one hand so he could give his Aunt Dagon a wave. She went to return it, and froze.
"Do you know her?" Crowley asked, and Aziraphale made to set the cake down.
"Of course," He started to say, but Gabriel had intercepted them.
"Aziraphale!" He said, and to Crowley's shock he pulled his boyfriend - which was a word they were using - into a giant hug. "I didn't think you were coming!"
"Uncle Gabriel!" Aziraphale chastised, and Crowley's jaw dropped. Uncle? "The cake!"
"Oh, sorry!" Gabriel - Uncle Gabriel? - set the cake down for him, and then pulled him into another hug.
"I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving, which is not fair."
"I'm sorry," Aziraphale laughed, returning the hug, "I've been focused on school, and well. Uncle Gabriel, this is AJ." With that, he gestured to Crowley, who was feeling very alarmed.
Slowly, Gabriel turned to look at him, and his eyes widened. "...AJ..." He said, slowly, as if he had never seen him before. "You're.... AJ."
"How do you know Aziraphale?" Crowley asked, not liking the way that Gabriel's face was contorting between shock and horror.
"Do you two work together?" Aziraphale asked, missing the way they were gaping at each other. "Anthony, this is my Uncle Gabriel. He's one of my godparents."
One of...
Shit.
"You're AJ?" Gabriel hissed, and now other people were looking at them.
Crowley made several noises, none of which were English. "This is your-"
Gabriel then let go of Aziraphale to grab Crowley's arm, and drag him off. Left at the snack table, Aziraphale blinked after them. He reached down to grab a carrot, trusting they would work out whatever was going on.
"Ow," Crowley hissed, "Ow Ow fuck Gabriel what are you-"
"Do you know what the fuck you did?" Gabriel hissed, looking furious.
"No!" Crowley answered, rubbing his arm.
"That's my godson!" Gabriel said, "That's Hastur and Ligur's kid!"
The world around Crowley went mute. "What?" He said, "No. No. No. No way, they're kid is little - the photos- it's a ten year old!"
"Does that look like a ten year old to you?" Gabriel snapped, turning him around to look at Aziraphale. "I'm telling you. That's their kid."
Sure enough, Crowley even saw Hastur walk over to the table, and pull Aziraphale into a hug. And slowly, he started to see the last month in a new light. Talking about his angel. All the words he had said. "Fuck."
----
Aziraphale, meanwhile, had poured himself some punch, because Awncle Bee always made the best punch. That was when he saw one of his dads, and his face lit up.
"Hey bunny," Hastur said, giving him a hug, "I thought you had plans with AJ tonight, did something happen?"
"Oh no," Aziraphale replied, handing his dad a cup, "Turns out he works here! You probably know him."
Hastur blinked at him. "I don't think I know an AJ here."
"Well it's a little nickname I gave him," Aziraphale said, "It's his initials - Anthony James Crowley."
Hastur was frozen, rooted to the spot. His eyes panned across the room, and they met Crowley's. He was staring right back at him, with terror. Slowly, like a man headed to his own execution, Crowley walked back over to them. Aziraphale was completely oblivious. "Anthony! There you are," He smiled at him. "I think you know my Papa?" He caught Anthony's face, and his own fell. "Dearest, what's wrong?" He then looked over at Hastur, "What's wrong with you?" Why did they both look so upset? The last time he saw his papa that upset that been, well. A long time ago.
"Do you two work together?" He asked again, and several sputtering noises that were not English left Crowley's mouth.
"Daddy?"
And without thinking, because Crowley was an idiot, he said, "Yes?" at the same time as Hastur. Hastur's eyes flamed at him, and Crowley wanted to die.
"Dad - Anthony - what's going on?" Aziraphale asked, blushing furiously. He hadn't expected that reaction from his boyfriend! It had only been one time!
"This is Anthony?" Hastur hissed at him. "This is AJ?"
"Yes!" Aziraphale had said, "How do you know each other?"
"We work together," Crowley said faintly. He could see steam coming out of Hastur's ears.
"Not for much longer," He growled, and Aziraphale pouted at him. "Well there's no need for such threats daddy," He said, sternly.
"Bunny?" A new voice added, "What are you doing here?"
And no - oh no. Crowley thought. Shit-shit-shit- If Hastur was mad, which of course he was - Ligur was going to be furious.
They had even - and this was the hilarious part that was not going to be funny to Crowley for a long time - talked about their son. They had ever since Crowley had started working there -
Ligur had never had patience for him, ever since he said the stupid thing about their kid - Aziraphale? - not being a talented artist. Or making stupid comments about the toddler in bow-ties and collared shirts. Only Crowley had gone one step worse, because he had bragged about getting his back scratched up by the same kid they defended with their lives and refused to tell him about!
Ligur came up to them, confused as to why Beelzebub had their phone out, and Gabriel looked like he was in pain.
"What's going on?" Ligur repeated, "Bunny, I thought you had plans with AJ?"
They called him bunny still. Crowley was going to die.
"Anthony James Crowley," Hastur hissed and a rush of emotions crossed Ligur's face as a horrifying puzzle came together.
In a calm, deadly voice, Ligur said, "You've been sleeping with our son."
Again, Crowley made several noises that could not be translated into any language.
"And you said - you gave details!" Hastur yelled.
"Daddy stop shout- wait details ?" Aziraphale whirled around to stare at Crowley. "Anthony, what details ?"
"Stop calling him that!" Ligur yelled, pulling Aziraphale closer to him. But his son shrugged him off.
"Anthony what are they talking about?"
"Crowley bragged about you," Beelzebub was grinning madly. This was the best present they had ever received. Oh definitely, Beelzebub was furious. Crowley? With their godkid? When had the two even met? But this was too good. "Say, Crowley, what did you tell me about my godkid again?"
" Ngk- " Crowley stammered, " Godkid ?"
"He said that he surprisingly flexible," Dagon reminded them, and Aziraphale glared at Crowley. " Surprisingly ?" He asked, while Ligur angrily choked out, " Flexible ?"
"Ungk-"
It was only due to Crowley's years on the force and academy that gave him the skill to dodge the punch that Hastur sent his way.
"Dad stop!" Aziraphale demanded, but he was the only one trying to prevent the fight. He lunged forward to try and get in the middle, but Ligur pulled him back and gripped onto him tightly. Others were laughing at the absurdity, some, like Beelzebub, were trying to capture the whole thing on film.
"You bragged about calling him a slut!" Hastur yelled.
"I told you that in private!" Crowley roared to Gabriel and Beelzebub, still trying to fight off Hastur.
"STOP."
It was Captain Michael. Her voice rang out sharply, causing everyone to halt. Crowley had a hand over his eye, where Hastur had landed a punch.
"All of you," She barked, "This behavior is unacceptable. You are all officers of the force and are supposed to be role models for the community. This conduct is unbecoming of you all."
"Crowley's been sleeping with Aziraphale," Gabriel said, and that made Michael pause.
She then took in Crowley, grabbing at his eye. Hastur, looking furious and rubbing his fist. Ligur, who was holding Aziraphale back. And Aziraphale, looking distraught and embarrassed.
"... I see."
------
Michael, a true officer, demanded that Hastur, Ligur, and Crowley each explain themselves in turn. The party, due in part to the resolve of the force that didn't want to get back to work, was still going on.
Aziraphale had tried to leave, but Gabriel and Beelzebub kept him there.
"C'mon sunshine," Gabriel said gently, "You know Michael's going to want to talk to you too."
"Auntie Michael isn't my boss," Aziraphale pouted. "And I'm mad at all of them."
"Yeah, they're idiots," Beelzebub agreed. "But we'll make you a spiked hot chocolate." They ignored Gabriel's glare. It got Aziraphale to agree to stay anyway.
"What?" They said, when Gabriel didn't stop glaring. "He's twenty-one now! We were all at his birthday last year."
Beelzebub's attitude as godparent had always been to go soft. Michael, his other godparent, had been sterner. So they had to balance each other. While Michael did the balanced thing and reprimanded Hastur, Ligur, and Crowley, Beelzebub got their godkid tipsy.
It was all about the balance. Unlike his parents, Aziraphale was a lightweight. It was easy enough to get him tipsy, just like he had been when he turned twenty-one.
"Do you like Crowley?" Dagon asked, handing him one of the cookies she made, "Because... I want to know why."
"I love Anthony," Aziraphale hiccuped, and then looked horrified. "Don't tell him! I was gonna tell him tonight," but he looked devastated. "But now I won't get to 'cause my dads are gonna ground me."
"They're not going to ground you," Gabriel groaned. He loved Aziraphale with all his heart, but he could be exasperating. "Aziraphale, you are twenty-one. You are graduating college. You're going to be your own person. You can't just let your parents ground you because they don't like your boyfriend."
Aziraphale gaped at him. The idea hadn't occurred to him. He blinked owlishly. "You're right!" He declares, wobbling to his feet. "I'm gonna tell them that!"
"Stupid," Beelzebub hissed at Gabriel, pulling Aziraphale back to sit. "No. You're not going interrupting your Auntie Michael from yelling at your dads. That really will get you in trouble."
"Okay," Aziraphale said, already distracted by watching the rest of the office exchange the Secret Santa gifts. Dagon and Beelzebub gave Aziraphale two, under instruction they were for his parents. He smiled and promised his would hand them over later.
"We didn't bring your gifts," Gabriel said apologetically, "Because we thought you were with AJ."
"I thought I was with AJ too," Aziraphale complained, "But he's been gone all night."
Dagon snorted, as the door opened. Michael came out, followed by Hastur, Ligur, and Crowley. Aziraphale waved, swaying into the motion.
"Why did you get my son drunk?" Ligur asked Beelzebub.
"'kept him from running away." Was the answer he got.
"I can't believe you didn't know," Dagon snickered, and Crowley glared at her. "It's not like we exchanged family stories!"
"No, you were too busy exchanging other things," Hastur snapped.
"Hastur," Michael warned, and he fell silent.
Aziraphale leaned into him, looking very sad and completely melting his heart. "Daddy, are you mad at me?"
Fuck. Hastur was too soft. "No bunny, of course not."
"Good, because I was going to steal your present if you were," Aziraphale said, and Ligur let out a laugh.
The rest of the party was the most uncomfortable experience of Crowley's life, as he was given a shovel talk by an impressive number of officers that, up until that night, had all just been his coworkers. But apparently, they were Aziraphale's entire family. When Aziraphale told him that his family was in the police, he really had meant his entire family.
It would seem that he had a lot to learn.