Chapter Text
“So,” Iruka said once the time was right (they were sitting at the Ichiraku’s counter, relaxed, and Naruto’s mouth was full of birthday ramen), “what is this I hear about you and Gaara-kun?”
Naruto, sadly, didn’t react as expected. He didn’t spray his food or choke. He didn’t even blush. He only paused in sucking up the noodles and, with the waterfall of pasta tentacles hanging from his mouth blinked at Iruka. His eyes were radiant with innocent incomprehension.
Iruka for the life of him wasn’t sure if that was a masterful mask, or if Naruto genuinely was that oblivious. He couldn’t be, could he? Not the boy that traded filthy quips with Anko?
No, Iruka was not going to let the evidence of his eyes fool him this time.
“Gaara?” Naruto said after he sucked up the noodles with a slurping noise. “Oh, makes sense that you would know about him being here. He’s had it real rough, though – did you know he didn’t sleep for thirteen years? Can you imagine not sleeping that long?”
Iruka shook his head. “No. People can’t survive for much longer than thirty days without sleep. Not even ninja.” Tsunade-sama had written a treatise on the topic once, citing the importance of downtime and backup for ninja taking extended missions. There was a wealth of empirical data supporting her conclusions, and Iruka emphatically didn’t want to know any details about her methods of research.
“Huh,” Naruto mused. “Guess that’s another thing the bijuu did for him. I’m trying to teach Gaara about friendship. Can you believe he’s never had any friends?”
Iruka could. Sadly. It hadn’t been that long since Naruto himself hadn’t had any human friends. And now he felt guilty for trying to tease Naruto about spending nearly all his free time with Gaara-kun, when it was obvious that Naruto wasn’t in the throes of a crush – he was saving the life of someone who reminded him of himself.
On the other hand, Naruto was fourteen now. Surely he must have had a crush? Or at least a passing interest in someone? But he had never mentioned anyone.
Iruka suspected the curiosity might eat him alive.
“If not Gaara-kun, then whom do you like?”
Naruto shrugged, switched his empty bowl for the next one Teuchi-san had prepared for him, and stirred the ramen with his chopsticks. “Dunno. I like lotsa people, but nobody like that. Eh, Kana-san said I’ll know it when I feel it, so I guess I just gotta wait for it to come.” With that sage proclamation he filled his mouth and sucked up more noodles.
Iruka suddenly recalled that time when Naruto had been given his old photo and confronted him about it. Naruto claimed Iruka’s younger self was ‘pretty’, but ‘not as pretty as Haku’. Iruka only remembered the name because in the first instance he had thought he was being compared to the puppy. He didn’t know any other Haku.
But Naruto must have known another Haku. And whoever they were, they were apparently very ‘pretty’.
“Waiting for Haku, perhaps?” he ventured.
At first Naruto seemed just confused – obviously thinking of the puppy – and then… then he smiled widely and insincerely. “Ne, nii-chan, don’t-!”
“Heh, Naruto, it’s my right as your older brother to tease you-”
“Go on and I’ll pull out the years of blackmail I’ve got on you and Kakashi-taichou.” Something in Naruto’s expression hardened unpleasantly.
“K-Kak-kashi…” Iruka felt like he was looking at a stranger. A stranger that had no business knowing the things about him that he apparently knew. How? Certainly Kakashi wouldn’t have told him? “Narut-to? How did you…? When did you…?”
“When did I what?”
“When- How did you know?”
“About what?”
“Me and…”
Naruto’s eyebrows climbed up all the way to his hitai-ate. “C’mon, Iruka-nii! If you didn’t want me to know, you two should stop doing the nasty and coming to work smelling of each other. Did you wear his clothes, too? Ugh, my poor nose…” He pinched his nose with one hand and waved the other one in front of his face, as if he was trying to clear the air of an unpleasant stink.
For the record, Iruka had showered after his training, and came to dinner squeaky clean. All articles of clothing on his person were his own and had been taken fresh from the closet (or from the laundered pile in the case of his underwear).
He couldn’t believe this was happening. He and Kakashi did not usually wear one another’s clothes, but it had been known to occasionally happen. Laundry got mixed up. And perhaps some mornings Iruka ran late and skipped the shower in between falling out of bed, dragging on his uniform and legging it to the Academy, to make sure he was there before the students began to arrive.
That was nothing to say of those mornings when he was pulled right back into the bed. And made late.
Iruka liked to think of himself as a professional, conscientious and punctual shinobi (as opposed to some), but the truth was a little less perfect. He never got into trouble, because he essentially worked two and half jobs (when he wasn’t working four), and everyone cut him a little slack.
His boyfriend was aware of this caveat, and abused it shamelessly.
“B-but…” Iruka thought back to his first day teaching at the Academy – when he was eighteen. And already being regularly and happily despoiled. “…that’s nothing new.”
“Che.” Naruto rolled his eyes. “I’ve always known.”
Iruka’s breath hitched. “Always…?”
“Always,” Naruto confirmed with terrible finality.
Iruka gaped at him for a prolonged moment, then recovered his jaw from the ground and let his forehead thunk onto the counter. Naruto had always known. All these years Iruka had thought they were being so subtle, insisted on keeping complete secrecy, and all of it was for naught.
He felt sick with guilt. Kakashi had been so horribly understanding, agreeing to pretty much all Iruka’s conditions, nodding at his explanations like they made perfect sense – and they did! Iruka genuinely never was ashamed of Kakashi! – and never raising a single word of opposition.
“Are you crying?” Naruto asked.
Iruka shivered. What else did Naruto know about his life? And whom else had he told?
“Don’t cry!” Naruto insisted, awkwardly patting his shoulder. “Oi, Iruka-nii! I don’t mind being extended family with the pervert that much! Besides, he doesn’t even really get off on those books – I’d know. Trust the nose-”
“Na-ru-to!” Iruka pressed through clenched teeth.
“There, there,” Naruto said placatingly.
Iruka rolled his eyes and sat up straight. He would have to talk with Kakashi about this, and he didn’t look forward to it at all, because seriously talking to Kakashi was an A-rank mission in itself, and usually ended in tears regardless of topic. Mild bodily harm was to be expected as well.
“Naruto… how long have you known?”
Naruto rolled his eyes. “Nii-chan, you were with him since before I knew you. I keep telling you: I’ve always known.”
Iruka sighed. Somehow, he was sure, this was all his fault. Only, he couldn’t really see how, since no one had been aware of Naruto’s preternatural nose. Well, Kakashi would surely explain to him how it was his fault later tonight.
He sighed again, glumly poked his chopsticks into the depths of his half-eaten ramen, and scowled at the single naruto floating on the surface.
“Oi!” Naruto poked his own chopsticks into Iruka’s shoulder. “It’s not like I’ve blabbed to the entire village! I haven’t told anyone! And if you think I did, you can just… you can just…”
Iruka looked up right in time to see Naruto’s face completely close up.
“Naruto…” He didn’t mean to imply that he didn’t trust Naruto. Honestly, he wouldn’t have expected a child like Naruto had been four years ago to understand the need for discretion, much less to be able to keep a secret of such magnitude… too bad it took Iruka until now to recall that Naruto had even then been keeping secrets of a much greater magnitude (aside of the more serious ones, him being the Phantom of Konoha came to mind).
Naruto’s mouth stretched in a smile so fake that it pierced straight through Iruka’s heart.
“Teuchi-jii-san!” the boy called out, pulling a bunch of notes out of his pocket and slamming them onto the counter. “Cancel the rest of my order! This is for me and Iruka both, dattebayo!
He was grinning so widely that if Iruka hadn’t seen the smile before, he would have been fooled into thinking that Naruto was happy. And – why in kami-sama’s name was Naruto trying to pay? Iruka had invited him, as a belated birthday present. And-
Iruka reached out to catch Naruto’s shoulder and opened his mouth to tell him to wait, but it was too late. While he had struggled against the shock, Naruto had substituted himself with a clone; the clone now dispersed in a puff of smoke, and Iruka was left sitting at the Ichiraku’s counter alone, staring blankly into the muddy depths of a half-empty ramen bowl.
“What’s gotten into that boy?” Ichiraku-san wondered, shaking his head and counting the money Naruto had left. “Didn’t even wait for his change.”
He gave Iruka an expectant look, but Iruka didn’t have a clue what to say. His thoughts were all jumbled – a nonsensical mixture of surprise, worry, disbelief and guilt – and he felt like he had spent all those years around Naruto seeing only some kind of a skin-deep mask, never really getting to know him.
Which was a load of bullcrap.
He poked at the cooling noodles once again and blinked away the wetness in his eyes. Stupid. It wasn’t as if something like that could make him care for his little brother any less.
x
Naruto hadn’t meant to disconcert Iruka – he had only wanted to redirect the topic of conversation away from Haku. He didn’t feel like talking about Haku.
It wasn’t anything he could explain. Haku was – had been – no, was, there, still alive in Naruto’s memory – in his heart – never forgotten, but Naruto knew that if he tried to explain, every single word he said would have fallen flat. How did you even explain something like that to someone who hadn’t been there?
So maybe he had panicked a little, and maybe he had been too ham-handed (ham-mouthed!) in changing the topic, but he had thought the new subject was safe enough…? Wait, had Iruka seriously thought Naruto didn’t know about him and Dog-taichou? Hooow…? Naruto wasn’t hiding that he knew. They were so obvious! Didn’t everybody know?
Genma knew. Nishi-sensei knew. Anko-nee totally knew. Maybe someone like, say, Sakura might have missed it, but honestly!
After they were being the Hokage together? ‘cause no matter what Kakashi said, he so would have crashed and burned without nii-chan keeping him afloat with all his teacher-y omniscience.
So much for Iruka knowing everything, though. Honestly? Honestly?
Nah, this had to be a hoax. Maybe Iruka was playing it up to put some distance between him and Naruto so the people who wanted to hurt him would leave Naruto alone? If so, then it was just stupid! Everybody and their summons knew that Iruka and Naruto were close – even if they had staged a huge blowing-up-buildings fight in the middle of the village, no one would buy that they stopped caring about one another.
Naruto punched his pillow and then growled into it.
This was a huge pool of stinking cat pee. On fire.
He was going to figure this out, and then he was going to have another sit-down meal with Iruka, ideally at a place where they could talk. Maybe he’d cook something and invite Iruka over here. In a few days, though – it hadn’t been a good idea to do anything so soon after the Kyuubi Festival.
Iruka-sensei was always off around Naruto’s birthday, because it was also the anniversary of his parents’ death. Naruto had never pushed it. He didn’t celebrate for more than one reason.
This year he had enjoyed the Festival for the first time ever, because he had gone as Naruko, and nobody recognised him. Nobody threw anything at him. The girls – ladies, really, but they preferred girls – from the teahouse had watched the fireworks together, and it had been nice.
Naruto guessed Iruka probably thought he was failing his big brother duties, and that was why he invited Naruto out for all-you-can-eat at the Ichiraku’s. And framed it as a birthday present.
But it had felt iffy right from the start, and then it had gone all bad.
And Naruto wondered if, the next time they met, there would be no familial suffixes anymore.
x
Iruka was certain that if anything could have ever broken him-and-Kakashi, it would have been Naruto.
Years ago, before he had even become Iruka’s student, Uzumaki Naruto had haunted him like a demonic reminder of his losses. Iruka hadn’t actually believed that the child was the demon, but the little creature had ever elicited a visceral negative reaction in him. It evoked a stabbing pain in Iruka’s chest at every sighting, and it was so, so easy to hate something that constantly kept causing you pain.
In hindsight, Iruka could see that the feeling had been mutual – even if to Naruto Iruka had merely been one person in the midst of a hateful mass.
Now, older and wiser, Iruka was deeply grateful to Kakashi for his rigid, un-budging stance on the point of the jinchuuriki. If not for Kakashi’s steadfast refusal to treat the lonely innocent child as anything but a lonely innocent child, Iruka might have lost his little brother before he had ever found him.
It had hurt at the time, of course. Iruka had felt like Kakashi was dismissing his very real pain, like he had somehow been second in Kakashi’s regard, thrown over for ‘the Kyuubi brat’.
Kakashi surreptitiously glanced at Iruka out of the corner of his eye for the third time over the course of a single cup of tea.
Iruka accepted that it was too late to try and pretend that nothing was bothering him. “Do you mind that we’re not… public?”
“Where did that come from?” Of course Kakashi would not have committed to a decisive answer unless and until he had to.
“Naruto knows about us,” Iruka explained.
Kakashi habitually underreacted, but it was still obvious that this information was not news to him. “I don’t think that’s a new development.” He finished his tea and set the cup onto the tray with a clack.
“Apparently, he’s known since before you two have officially met,” Iruka pointed out, trying for dryness and missing.
Kakashi shrugged. “That explains a few things, in hindsight.”
Iruka briefly considered being angry at what looked like a dismissal of his concerns, but he was aware that Kakashi was actually watching him and waiting for Iruka’s reaction.
Then he sighed.
“Is this a problem?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka downed the last cup of tea like a shot. Sadly, it didn’t seem to be helping him regain his equilibrium. “I don’t know. He just came out and talked about it like it was an obvious thing, and I panicked. And then I started thinking about why I panicked. It’s not fair – to you.” He rose and took the whole tray to the sink.
“It made sense to keep it quiet while I was in ANBU,” Kakashi noted. “Then – just a habit.”
“A habit?” Iruka repeated, a little curious and a little dismayed. They should have talked about this sooner. Why hadn’t they?
“Maa… you wanna go public, sensei? Holding hands while walking down the streets and sneaking kisses under sakura trees? Demonstrating the birds and the bees to your pipsqueak students?”
Flushed, Iruka spun to confront Kakashi, only to be brought short when he found the man crouched on top of the kitchen counter, mask down, hitai-ate up and looking back at Iruka with both eyes. His expression was serene. He looked like a man that had his life figured out – and was waiting for Iruka to catch up once again.
Iruka hunched his shoulders, embarrassed. He was forever catching up – Kakashi had a five-year head-start and, try as Iruka might, he would never really erase that.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
Kakashi philosophically shrugged and hopped off his perch, landing lightly like a ghost and pressing a lightning-fast kiss to Iruka’s forehead. There was just enough patronisation in it to make Iruka swat at him – not that he had a chance for the strike to connect unless Kakashi felt like letting him.
Kakashi did.
x
“Good morning, Naruto-san,” said Neji, and added a little bow-like dip.
Naruto swallowed a snort and grinned widely. “Hi, Neji! How are you? How’s Hinata? Oh, and, how are you-and-Hinata – you know what I mean? ‘cause we haven’d had a chance to talk since I came back from my mission!”
One of Naruto’s clones dispelled to let him know that Anko-nee arrived and joined Genma at the blackberry bush beneath the trees behind Naruto’s back. Usually he didn’t waste a clone on info about other ninja’s movements within Konoha, but Anko-nee was a special case.
You always wanted to know when she was around. And you especially wanted to know if she didn’t loudly announce her presence.
“I am well, and so is Hinata-sama,” Neji answered while Naruto was assimilating the clone’s memory. “She is far too forgiving, but I am determined to deserve her graciousness.”
Naruto smiled, a little stunned by this complete stranger he was meeting. “That’s so good! I’m real glad for you both!”
When he had kicked Neji’s arse in the Chuunin Exams, he knew he was basically attacking a bunch of Clan bullshit – just like with the Lamppost, the actual person was all mangled and weirdly stretched and bunched up by all those rules and expectations and pressure and plain crap.
Maybe Neji didn’t have people’s heads up his butt, but he definitely had somebody’s something somewhere (Naruto kinda thought maybe fingers around his throat, or the tip of a kunai touching one of those pupil-less eyes). It wasn’t an excuse for what he did to Hinata, not if you thought of it in terms of people-actions, but… Kana-san once told Naruto a story about a wolf whose leg was caught in a bear trap. The wolf attacked everything that came near her, mad with pain and fear.
And Naruto sort-of understood that once there was too much pain and fear, people became beasts.
Like Gaara. Like Sasuke. Like Naruto himself almost did – would have, if not for his Pack.
Something hissed.
Naruto glanced down just before the snake wound herself around his ankle. She’d have climbed up his leg, no problem, but he still bent down to let her transfer to his hand. She coiled herself around his wrist and let out a happy ‘sssss’ when he lifted her.
She glittered in sunlight like a bracelet set with precious stones. So fancy. The girls from the teahouse would be so jealous!
“Is that… Shikake-san?” asked Neji.
“You know Shikake-chan? Isn’t she great? And sooo pretty!”
She preened while Naruto praised her and Neji stared (it was hard to tell for sure, but he was probably admiring her, too).
“If I was a girl, I would totally carry her instead of jewelry.” Maybe he could try that, on one of his outings as Naruko. “I don’t get why Anko-nee doesn’t – okay, I do, ‘cause people get sorta freaked out about snakes and she doesn’t need that. But it doesn’t freak you out, right?”
“I have known Anko-sensei for some time,” Neji replied without answering.
“Mhm, I’ve heard she’s teaching you. That’s so cool!” People were bastards, and barely anyone knew what a great teacher Anko-nee was. She had taught Naruto a bunch of stuff, and then she asked her friend Cat-san to teach him some more (it hurt the canine part of Naruto to learn from a feline-themed ninja, but Yuugao-san was more than cool enough to make it worth it).
“I am very appreciative,” Neji said, and this time there was a bit of emotion in his voice, like he wanted Naruto to know that he really meant it.
Naruto smiled at him. “Cool of you, too.” Before, he had no idea who Neji-the-person was under his Clan bullshit; he liked what he was seeing now. Maybe they could be friends!
Neji’s forehead scrunched up. “…how?”
Naruto shrugged. He probably shouldn’t talk about this, but Neji had to know before he was attacked for being close to Anko-nee by some idiots. Besides, if nee-san didn’t want Naruto to say anything, Shikake-chan would have nipped him by now. “Lotsa people are dicks to Anko-nee ‘cause of the stuff her sensei did, a while ago. They don’t care that she didn’t even have anything to do with it. He’s gone, and she was his student, so they kinda let all that hatred fall onto her… I think it’s very brave of you to face that sort of hatred by her side.” Even though he was sucked into the situation without any clue of what he’d probably face.
On the other hand, it wasn’t like this guy wasn’t used to people being total buttholes.
“There is a lot of hatred in the world,” Neji said. “I have yet to see it accomplish anything.” He didn’t seem to be changing his mind about Anko-nee, so Naruto squietly sighed in relief. Dodged a kunai there.
Naruto could hardly believe that this was the same guy he had defeated in the Chuunin Exams. He had heard – from Hinata, and from Anko-nee too – that he had changed. A lot. But this new version of Neji was someone Naruto was interested in listening to, and he didn’t often find people like that.
“Spar?” Naruto suggested. He grinned, meeting Neji’s weird eyes and trying to hold the contact. It wasn’t exactly easy.
The corners around Neji’s eyes crinkled, not like he had activated the Byakugan, but like his face tried out the novel smiling thing. “It would be my pleasure.”
x
Unpracticed as Iruka was at establishing friendships, there were some general steps one could take that were difficult to muck up. And since Lynx-san started off their personal acquaintance by treating Iruka to ramen, Iruka felt safe in offering to treat the man to a meal of his choice in turn.
That was how they ended up taking lunch together at a hole-in-the-wall sushi place.
Lynx-san and Anko were the only of Iruka’s guards who ever consented to eat with him, and even they only ever did it while they were not on shift. Iruka’s current guard was hiding somewhere… in the rafters. They would trade off with Lynx-san at two, but Iruka pretended not to know that.
“I’m glad it was you yesterday,” Iruka said into the quiet after their meal was eaten.
Lynx-san shifted uncomfortably, and stared at Iruka through his (apparently illusiory, since he could eat with no problems) mask. “Um… thank you?”
Iruka cringed. Right, that had been clear as mud. But, how to explain what he meant? “I just… these moments are private. Should be private. I hate having witnesses to it. And I try to ignore it – Anko-san said I should try to ignore it – but I can’t, and…” Iruka had, actually, in all honesty, momentarily forgotten that there was an ANBU listening to his conversation with Naruto, but the memory lapse hadn’t lasted long. “But if there had to be somebody, I’m glad it was you.”
“Iruka-san… none of us would share anything that we might inadvertently learn-”
“You mean it doesn’t go on report somewhere?”
“No!” Lynx-san gesticulated wildly, so appalled by the suggestion that he struck one of the empty trays with his elbow, and it was only his and Iruka’s shinobi speed that saved the earthenware from shattering on the floor.
Lynx-san and Iruka replaced all the dishes on the counter and made a futile effort to wipe off the strings of sauce that had splattered their sleeves. They even chuckled for a moment, before a frowning proprietress came by to collect their trays and prevent another accident.
The somber mood quickly returned.
Lynx-san reached out and touched a fold of Iruka’s sleeve. “Iruka-san, I… I would… I did report that you met with Uzumaki-san and ate together at Ichiraku Ramen. That is the full extent. This information may become relevant in case we discover some form of surveillance on you, or in search for patterns if a threat appears…” It was obvious he was trying to convince Iruka while at the same time skirting the line of operational security.
Iruka tried to smile, honestly grateful but not feeling any mirth. “Thank you for that. I hate that I don’t have privacy anymore, but Naruto… none of this should ever touch him.”
Lynx-san flinched.
Iruka narrowed his eyes. He was fairly certain that Kakashi would not remain friends with anyone who hated Naruto, but-
“Uzumaki-san has his own set of troubles,” Lynx-san said, voice heavy with sympathy.
Iruka deflated. He should have known better. “I wish there was something I could do to help. But he’s so self-sufficient and so… defensive.” It made perfect sense that Naruto was like that, of course, given what his childhood must have been like. But Iruka still wished that he could find a way of bridging the distance between them, of making their brotherhood real. He already loved Naruto like his little brother – had for months, if not years – but he knew that Naruto was mostly humouring him by calling him ‘nii-chan’.
Mostly. There was definitely a wary hope somewhere in there, which Iruka wanted to protect and nurture and see grow into true confidence.
Lynx-san laughed near-soundlessly. “Self-sufficient and defensive? That does ring a bell.”
It took Iruka a moment before he understood the implication, because the notion was just so absurd. Naruto was as far from Kakashi’s second coming as you could conceivably get!
Except that, as Iruka tried to formulate a solid counterargument, he found all half-formed protestations falling apart. He could speak of positive attitude, prankster spirit and sociability until he was blue in the face – the fact remained that Naruto trusted no one except his hunt.
He opened his mouth to mention that, as opposed to teenage Kakashi, Naruto understood the mutability of rules, but what he said instead was: “How did you deal with him?”
Lynx-san shrugged. “How did you?”