Chapter Text
Daichi stood at the front of the briefing room, his arms crossed over his chest. Silently wishing the squad would quiet down by themselves. It was too early for him to start yelling. Kuroo and Bokuto sat right in front of Daichi. The two of them arguing the correct way to prepare a bowl of cereal. Oikawa was sitting across from Suga and Akaashi, hands waving around frantically as he recounted his weekend. Tsukishima watched on from the back with Yamaguchi furiously scribbling something down in his notebook next to him. On the other side, Tanaka and Nishinoya were being rowdy as usual. Kageyama leaned back in his chair, casually kicking the seat in front of him. Hinata turned around and threw a glare at him. Daichi sighed heavily and cleared his throat.
“Okay squad. Settle down. Kageyama, I heard you cracked a case?” Daichi asked with a tilt to his head. Kageyama grinned wickedly.
“Yes, I did crack the case. So, Hinata, would you do the honors?” The squad breaks out into cheers. Hinata walks up to the blackboard, which reads: Tobio: 23 / Shoyo: 22.
“I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.” Hinata mutters under his breath as he erases the 23 and changes it to 24.
“Oh yeah! And you’re just gonna wanna add one... I’m winning!” Tobio boasts. Kuroo and Bokuto continue to clap. “It’s a good feeling. Yeah!”
“Enjoy it while it lasts.” Hinata sticks out his tongue as he sits back down. With a wicked grin, Kageyama says “I will.” Daichi rolls his eyes.
“Squad. Focus. Kags, any update on the Morgenthau murder?” he asked. Kageyama stood up and made his way to the front.
“Uh yeah. Good news for all you murder fans. Earlier this morning, someone decided to shoot and kill luxury food importer Hank Morgenthau. Body was discovered by his cleaning lady. During her interview, I deduced using expert detective work,that she had something super gross on her chin.” He rambles on, clicking to show the photo of the chin. Everyone groans in disgust.
“I think it was flan.” Yamaguchi pipes up from the back.
“Yamaguchi thinks it’s flan. I think it was butterscotch pudding.” Kageyama shrugs.
“Maybe it was just, like, that old person gunk. You know how old people always have that gunk on them?” Tsukishima says with a frown.
“Oldie gunk. Could be. Yeah. Anyone else?” he asks, looking around the room. Before anyone could say anything else, Daichi interrupts by saying, “How about we focus on the murder, and not the old person gunk?”
“Crime techs are at the scene now. We’re heading back when they’re done.” Hinata states with a nod.
“Okay. I want you on this- it’s gonna be priority one for our new C.O.” Daichi added before he dismissed them.
“Wait. Tell us about the new captain.” Tsukishima inquired. Daichi hesitated.
“Captain Ukai will be here soon. He’ll want to introduce himself.” He offered to the squad. The rest of them exit the room and go their respective ways. Yamaguchi tries to casually walk up to Shimizu’s desk.
“Hey Shimizu, you know any scalpers? I want to ask Tsukishima to go to the Rihanna concert with me, but it’s sold out.” he whispers. Shimizu looks up from her paperwork and puts down her pen.
“Okay, two points to make here. First, Rihanna? You… and then Rihanna .” she vaguely moves her hands as if she was weighing the two then makes a grossed out face. Yamaguchi sags into the chair.
“Yeah. What’s your second point?” he asks.
“He’s got a type, which is really anyone but you.” She mutters.
“Yeah, that was my ex-wife’s type, too.” Yamaguchi sighs. Shimizu decided to take pity on him because of the sad look on his face.
“Look, a Rihanna concert is a pretty big swing, man. I don’t know. He’s into watching old movies.”
“Cool. Where would I find a place that shows old movies?”
“Oh yeah. Just go on the internet and search for the phrase ‘I want to buy two movie tickets for a boy who doesn’t like me’.”
“Great. Thank you.” Yamaguchi beamed. Shimizu rolled her eyes and got back to work.
Hinata walked over to Kageyama’s desk and took a seat on the edge of it.
“Hey, have you heard anything about the new captain?” He questioned as he threw a ball of paper away.
“Uh, no, and I don’t care. I just wish Captain McGintly had never left. He was the best.” Kageyama frowned.
“He was terrible . You just liked him because he let you do anything you wanted.” Hinata pouted.
...
Kageyama and Yamaguchi were in roller chairs, holding fire extinguishers, facing the captain’s office. Around them the squad was cheering them on.
“On your marks, get set-” Kageyama exclaimed. At that moment Captain McGintley stepped out of his office.
“What the hell’s goin’ on around here?” he asked, looking around the room.
“Fire extinguisher roller chair derby.” Kageyama replied, eyes wide.
“Okay.” he said and walked back into his office, closing the door behind him.
“And go!” yelled Yamaguchi. The two sprayed the extinguishers and rolled across the floor. The squad got crazy loud and cheered as Kageyama crossed the yellow police tape first.
...
“What’s your point?” Kageyama retorted. Hinata looked at the ground for a second and sighed.
“If I’m ever gonna make captain I need a good mentor. I need my rabbi.” he confessed.
“Sorry, dude. This new guy’s gonna be a washed-up pencil pusher, who is only concerned with-” he switches to a robot voice, “ following every rule in the Patrol Guide, meep morp zeep! Robot captain engage .” Behind him Daichi stands up and straightens his tie.
“Is that what you think?” Captain Ukai asks, standing behind Kageyama’s chair. He immediately scrambles out of his seat.
“Hey hey. New captain alert!” he chuckles awkwardly, “You must be the new C.O. I’m Detective Kageyama Tobio. Great to meet you.” Hinata is smirking behind him, hands behind his back.
“No. Don’t let me interrupt you. You were describing what kind of person I’m going to be. I’d like you to finish.” Ukai says with a straight face.
“Ehhh. It’s not necessary.” he mumbled, trying to find a way out of this situation but seeing no other option, “Or I could recap very quickly. Sure. Um, let’s see. I think I said some joke about being a washed-up pencil-pusher.”
“Now do the robot voice,” Ukai demands, Kageyama blinks at him, “The robot voice you were doing when you implied I’m a rule-following robot. I wanna hear it again.” Hinata smiled even wider. While the rest of the squad looked on in amusement or curiosity, Yamaguchi was shooting Kageyama an apologetic look.
“Meep morp- zarp... robot.” Kageyama stuttered out.
“That’s a terrible robot voice.”
“Yup”
“The next time I see you, I’d like you to be wearing a necktie.”
“Oh, uh, actually the last captain didn’t care if we wore ties.” Kageyama replied, really just pushing his luck with Ukai.
“Well, your new captain does. And more importantly, he cares that you follow his direct orders.” He looks at everyone, “Everyone. I’m your new commanding officer, Captain Keishin Ukai .”
“Speech!” cried Hinata, pumping a small fist in the air.
“That was my speech.”
“Short and sweet.” Hinata nods affirmingly.
“Sergeant Sawamura, a word?” Captain Ukai states as he walks into the office.
“Yes sir.” Daichi hurries to follow him inside. He closes the door behind him and the rest gather together. Hinata lets out a happy sigh and turns to look at Kageyama.
“I love that guy.” Hinata exclaims.
“Same.” Kageyama says back sarcastically.
“He’s so suave.” Yamaguchi chirped.
“Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe?” Shimizu asks. Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
In the safety of his new office, Captain Ukai starts to talk with Sergeant Daichi.
“Sergeant. You were in the One Eight with me. Though you were significantly..." he trailed off.
“Fatter, sir. They called me Dad-Bod Daichi. Because I had... a large..." Daichi says.
“Stomach. Yes. I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though to be fair, it was accurate. What’s this I hear about you being on administrative leave?” Captain Ukai asks, leaning forward in his seat.
“A year ago, my husband and I had twin baby girls. Aki and Luna.” Daichi starts pulling out his wallet and shows Ukai a photo of his daughters.
“They have adorable chubby cheeks.” He commented.
“Ever since, I’ve kind of... got scared of getting hurt. Lost my edge. There was an incident in a department store.”
...
When Daichi and Kageyama pulled up to the store, they drew their guns. They walked up to the door and turned to each other.
“You go in first. I’m feeling jumpy.” Daichi mumbles.
“What? You always go in first. Look at you -- those biceps don’t go in second.” Kageyama exclaimed. They wasted a minute arguing who should go in before Kageyama gave up and went in first. They walked around and were now standing behind a rack of clothes in the dimly lit women’s section. Kageyama looks over to find Daichi scanning the room like crazy.
“Hey man, you okay? Are you still feeling jumpy?”
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” he mutters to himself. Suddenly there’s a bang and Daichi screams. He steps out from behind the rack and starts shooting a mannequin holding a tennis racket. It falls over.
“I think he’s dead.” Kageyama claps him on the back.
...
“And I’m still not right.” he ends with a shake of his head. Captain Ukai nods and walks to stand next to Daichi.
“Tell me about your detective squad.” Captain Ukai said. Daichi nodded and turned to face the window.
“Um well. Kuroo Tetsuro, Bokuto Koutarou, and Keiji Akaashi. They’re pretty much worthless. All they do is paperwork. But they make good coffee.” Daichi starts.
“Copy that.”
“Now the good ones. Tsukishima Kei: tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.”
...
It’s tradition for the squad to have a secret santa. Most people enjoy receiving meaningful gifts from their co-workers but Tsukishima Kei is not one of them. Even though he specifically said to not put his name in the drawing, he knows they did it anyway. So he corners Kuroo in the Copier room.
“Tell me who has me for Secret Santa.” He demands.
“No. That takes all the fun out of it.” Kuroo smirks. Tsukishima gives him a look that could kill and Kuroo crumbles.
“It’s Bokuto. He got you a scarf. I’ll make him return it.” he quickly says.
“Yes, you will” Tsukishima threatened as he stalked out of the room.
...
Daichi points at Yamaguchi next.
“Tadashi Yamaguchi: he’s a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He’s not physically... gifted.” Yamaguchi was currently in the kitchen area trying to eat his breakfast in peace. He had just finished unwrapping his muffin when he accidentally dropped it to the ground.
“Aw man. My muffin!” He exclaims. Yamaguchi bends down to pick it up and he smacks his forehead on the edge of the counter.
“AH!” he yells in pain. Taking a step forward to balance himself, he unknowingly steps on his muffin.
“Ow! My head! My muffin and my head!” He grunts out, “And I stepped on- on my muffin and my head and my muffin.”
Captain Ukai widens his eyes in surprise. Daichi continues on, pointing to Hinata next.
“Hinata Shoyo. He’s an older brother to one sister so he’s always trying to be brave and tough.”
...
A week ago, Hinata was taking his lunch break with Bokuto. He was happily munching on his sandwich. He decided it was missing something so he added a little bit of hot sauce.
“Be careful. That stuff’s pretty hot.” Bokuto said absentmindedly. Hinata not one to back down from a challenge, uncapped the bottle and haughtily asked “Oh, is it? Hmmm.” Hinata poured a large amount of sauce on his sandwich and proceeded to take a bite. Hinata immediately started to cough.
...
Daichi shakes his head at the memory.
“Him and Kageyama have some big bet over who gets more arrests this year. At first I objected, but ever since the bet, their numbers have gone way up.” Captain Ukai nods and turns to look at Kageyama.
“Tell me about Kageyama.” he asks.
“Tobio Kageyama is my best detective -- he likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn’t solved... is how to grow up.”
“That’s very well put.” The captain said, impressed.
“I’ve talked a lot about Kageyama in my departmentally-mandated therapy sessions. There are others who work on this floor but you can meet them later.” Daichi whispered. Captain Ukai nods.
“Look, you know my history. You know how important this is to me. This precinct is doing fine. But I want to make it the best in Brooklyn. And I need your help.” the Captain admits.
“Absolutely, sir. Where do we start?” They both look out into the bullpen. They see Kageyama making his way over to Hinata’s desk, breakdancing. Through the glass they could hear a muffled, “What’s happening?” Hinata looks up from the file he is reading and throws the rest of his bagel at him.
“We start with him.” Captain Ukai declares and makes his way back to his chair. Daichi nods and exits his office.