Chapter Text
NIGHT ONE
Two lonely flames flicker against the night sky.
Kara’s menorah sits where it usually does, on the ledge against her largest window, shining for all of National City to see. That was the point of the menorah, Eliza had taught her, to publicise the miracle that happened all those years ago.
Usually, there would be a throng of people in her apartment; just the year before, she had hosted a party on the first night of Chanukah, with about a dozen people from her various networks coming together and lighting the first night’s worth of candles and eating jelly filled doughnuts and singing songs that most of them couldn’t remember the words to.
But this year is different. Alex is working and Winn lives in a different century and James is back in his hometown. And Lena… And Lena.
This year is different. Kara feels different. She’s stared down the end of the world and somehow she still won. She lost everybody she’s ever loved and somehow got them back again. She should be happy. She should be celebrating something truly miraculous.
But instead, tears leave watery tracks on Kara’s cheeks and she can’t bring herself to sing Maoz Tzur as two lonely flames flicker against the night sky.
NIGHT TWO
A box of doughnuts sits in the CatCo break room with a handwritten note on its lid.
Happy Chanukah! it reads in Kara’s handwriting. A simple message, but effective nonetheless. She’s not sure why she feels so nervous about it; choosing and bringing snacks for the entire office is something she’s always excelled at.
She doesn’t really talk about her religion with people. Like most things in her life, it’s pretty complicated. Religion on Krypton was just an inherent part of existence, something so intertwined with culture and society, you didn’t even think twice about it. But when she had joined the Danvers family, and been introduced to Judaism, she quickly learned that things were not like that for them.
Their house was vandalized on a regular basis. Alex put up with taunts at school. Gravestones were toppled in the nearby Jewish cemetery. After her formal conversion, Kara learned to hide her magen david necklace inside her shirt when walking through certain neighbourhoods. She learned not to talk about what she had learned at Synagogue when she went to school on Mondays. She learned not to mention it at all.
She’s not ashamed, not at all. But she is scared. And being probably the strongest person on earth doesn’t stop the fear that spreads through her when faced with antisemitic hatred.
She’s nervous as she watches her coworkers inspect the box, as she imagines the taunts that could be said, the snide ‘Happy Holidays’ that are sure to come. But as they take doughnuts and thank her and ask her about Chanukah, a sense of relief washes over her. Fear is replaced by excitement, and her nerves all but disappear.
As the staff gets back to work after their lunch break, an empty box of doughnuts sits in the recycling bin in the Catco break room.
NIGHT THREE
Four candles sit in the menorah, unlit, their wicks still pristine and white. Nearby, a box of matches lies abandoned.
Across town, a building is on fire. The flames are bright and uncontrollable, and people start to gather on the street around it, staring up at the spectacle in fear and awe.
“Up there!” yells a young woman. “It’s Supergirl!”
Sure enough, Supergirl swoops in from out of nowhere, and blows her icy breath against the flames. They die down in less than a minute, and the crowd cheers for her achievement. She lands amongst the people and double checks with the fire department that nobody’s been hurt, and then she starts shaking hands and posing for pictures and being the beacon of hope she never really feels like she is. Her heart beats wildly against her ribcage and she repeats the same thing to herself over and over again: you saved them. Nobody got hurt. Everybody is okay.
Before she knows it, a news crew shows up, and they point the cameras straight in her face. She’s used to the celebrity that comes with her costume, but god she still hates the cameras.
“Supergirl,” the reporter asks. “Any plans for Christmas tomorrow?”
She hesitates, ready to give a stock answer of being grateful for things and maybe opening a present or two from Superman. But then she throws all caution to the wind.
She looks directly into the camera.
“I’m actually Jewish.”
Tomorrow there will be headlines, she’s sure of it. But there will also be young Jewish women sending each other clips of the news report and tweets inviting her for Shabbos lunch and somewhere in that mess, part of her hopes that maybe Lena will see it and maybe she will smile and maybe everything will be alright.
NIGHT FOUR
Alex lights the candles because she’s the oldest and that’s just the rules of life.
Alex lights the candles even though she’s a half hour late and filled with Christmas cheer that Kara doesn’t want any part in. Usually this time of year was her favourite, the lights and the happiness and fun coffee flavours. But this year, it feels like there isn’t enough to celebrate, or rather, celebrating seems selfish and unnecessary in light of how the world is just going to shit around them.
“You’re in a mood,” Alex says as they stare at the menorah. “You could’ve come to Kelly’s Christmas party and taken your mind off things.”
“And what, just have everybody there ask me why I’m in a bad mood? Pretend like everything’s okay?”
“Why are you in a bad mood?”
“Because.”
“Talk to me, Kara.”
Kara sighs. “I’m sad, like, all the time. I don’t know how many more times I can save the world or the whole universe, I don’t know if I have any more big saves in me.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re—“
“I don’t know how to care anymore, Alex! I don’t know how to care what happens when all I can think about is that Lena still won’t talk to me and I am so damn tired of living in a world that doesn’t wanna be fucking saved.”
“The world is big,” Alex says, somewhat unhelpfully.
“... Cool.”
“And if you can’t fix all of it, start with the things you can.”
Kara doesn’t respond.
“... I’m talking about Lena.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“I’m not gonna pretend I know exactly what you two are to each other but… but you should make things better. Keep trying. You have to.”
“But how do I do it?”
Alex shrugs. “Use some of your holiday cheer.”
///
Lena awakes on the morning after Christmas to find a present under her tree. It’s wrapped in red and blue paper and it has no name but she knows who it’s from.
She can always sense when Kara has been near.
Across town, Kara cleans her Menorah with a smile on her face